Handsome - Ginger Feimster (Fortune's Mom) asks about coming out

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Fortune's mom Ginger asks a question on a very special episode of Handsome! Plus wacky sound effects, father-daughter moments, and more!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's Fortune Feimster. And also Mae Martin. And Tigno Taro. And it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,

the beautiful day in the neighborhood. Would you be mine? That was pretty good. That was handsome. It is a pretty beautiful day. Yeah, it is. We're at the end of June, which means we're coming to the end of Pride Month.

Mm. I thought you were gonna be like, end of June means we're coming to the beginning of July. Well, we are coming up on the beginning of July, which makes it my birthday! Happy birthday! Oh yeah. Happy birthday.

How old are you? 25. I can finally rent a car. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I'm not an intense birthday gal. I was used to my birthday being around the 4th of July in America, so it often got overshadowed by that. And I was never in school for my birthday, so it wasn't like I was always getting a bunch of attention at school. And my mom had a boyfriend who shared my same birthday for five years and that sucked. That's really annoying.

I hated it. What would happen? Was she like, happy birthday to you and not you. Happy birthday. She would kind of do like morning and afternoon birthday stuff with me and then late afternoon head to him. Oh gosh.

Yeah, so I had to share the day. I'm sorry, well here's some more bad news. Oh no, what? My ex-girlfriend, Corinne. Not Corinne. She is July 1st as well. God dang it, Corinne. Yeah, well.

There's a lot of people with July 1st birthdays. I don't know what happened in the months. There's a lot of people with every birthday on every day, every time, all the time. True. It seems crazy that we celebrate them to be honest. Like it is pretty nuts. It's kind of embarrassing.

Are you, you guys aren't big birthday people? I am. You are, okay. You're one of those people that's like, the whole month we're celebrating that kind of thing. Not so much, but I definitely, I act chill about it and then I get emotional on the day because I'm like, it's not what I wanted or like,

or I'll, Oh my God. It's not what I wanted. And are you, do you in return shower others on their birthday? Yeah, select few I'm really good about. Yeah, select few. And then it's weird the birthdays that stick in your head.

Like my best friend from grade one, Susie Cassaba, I will always know her birthday is January 9th. Like I will. Susie Cassaba. Susie Cassaba, her parents have a winery in Toronto. Yeah, I'm, I every now and then, it's usually from Stephanie encouraging me. She'll be like, you should have a party.

You should have a dinner. We should do this or that. And I'll be like, yeah, maybe. And then sometimes I really come around to it and I'm like, all right, let's tear it up. Yeah. Let's tear it up. Let's tear it up. But in general, I'm pretty mellow about it.

And I would say because I'm so mellow about it, for the most part, I'm not great beyond Stephanie's birthday or Max and Finn's birthday. And I think it's that thing of when something's important to you, you're really good at doing that for others maybe. You know what I'm saying? I wish I was like, like Tom Cruise has that list of like everyone he's ever worked with and they get a coconut cake.

Christmas they get a Tom Cruise cake. Oh, is it Christmas? Okay, nevermind. We gotta get on that list. It's a tasty cake. I'm not on the list, but I've had the cake. You've eaten the cake? Yeah. The bakeries in Woodland Hills. Whoa. So did you eat it because you were with someone who was on the list or you just went to the bakery?

It wasn't from Tom Cruise. I just was like, oh my God, Tom Cruise sends a cake. I love cake. And I want to know what this cake is. And I think Gold Belly or somebody, I love cake. And I wanna know what this cake is. And I think Gold Belly or somebody sent me the cake. Oh man. Because they sell it on their site now. And I got to try the cake and it was pretty amazing. And so wait, it's always a coconut cake? Yeah, it's the same cake.

And it's like a bunk cake. Yeah, but May can't eat coconut. Oh yeah, May, you can't have it. Yeah, I wonder if he's like encountered that problem before. Like if someone on set with him has been like, Tom, I'm allergic. This cake makes me sneeze, Tom. I think he's still, that's what you get.

That's what you get? You get what you get. It's one cake, you get it, you're on the list for a couple years, eventually you're off the list. Some people have stayed on, I know Kirsten Dunst from Interviews of the Vampire, she still gets that cake and she was a kid in that movie.

Wow, that's a long- Well, probably because her name sounds like Bunt, Bunt cake. That's probably it. Dunst cake. Dunst, here's your Bunt. And normally Bunt cakes, I think are the lesser than cakes, but in this instance, this cake is phenomenal.

What is a bun cake specifically? Like a loaf almost? It kinda looks like, yeah, sort of is round and there's sort of a hole in the middle. It almost tastes like a pound cake kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant when I said loaf. Yeah, but it's not a pound cake, but it's kind of in the middle ground.

This has like, I don't even know how to describe it, but it is available out there for people to buy. And not that we're sponsored by this. I know. You can buy Tom Cruise cake at handsomepod.com along with our other merchandise. I do like cake on my birthday. I'm in Toronto for my birthday.

So this is not really a celebratory kind of year for me, but maybe next summer I'll do something. Because Toronto's notoriously. I don't have many friends here? Oh, you got me and Tig. Y'all aren't here yet. I'm there. Oh no, wait, you're here.

And I'm taking you out. All the pressure's on you, May. Yeah. That's fine, I'll find you a bunt. Last time I was filming in Toronto on my birthday, the crew was really lovely and made it very special. I did feel like a kid again of like, I don't know anybody in Toronto. And they went all out and decorated my trailer and had a cake. It was very sweet.

I had a birthday on set once and filming Feel Good and I spent my birthday. It was the best birthday I've ever had. We were in like a small town on like an abandoned fun fair and I spent the day with Lisa Kudrow riding around on a ghost train and I was like, never been happier. Oh that's cool. Yeah, we were filming an argument scene all day and it was like heaven, because just to argue with Lisa Kudrow in a comedy

and her time. Oh yeah, it was super nice. And then she did that really nice thing that super famous people do sometimes where they go, hey, we should get a picture. Cause they know you really want a picture, you know? And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, cool. Yeah, if you want one, sure.

I guess I could do that. We should get a picture. Is that what famous people do if they think you want a picture? I think if they can touch, if you're sort of hovering around giddily and they're like, ah, this person wants a picture.

Yeah, but we took one, you know those medieval stocks where you put your hands through the holes and your head through a hole? Yeah. Yeah, so we have one, me and her on the back. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes we have one man, her on. Oh, that's cute. Yeah.

Yes. Sometimes with the with the big famous people, you want to try to play it cool. I think they appreciate it. I don't want to. Yeah, I'm taking it easy here. This is I'm just like chat with a friend. But inside you're like, I really want a picture. What are Max and Finley? They share a birthday. That must be weird. Or do they like it? They do share a birthday. We just make sure to they each get their own cake,

just so that they're feeling like individuals, which they are, they couldn't be, they are very different from one another. I think that they're kind of getting to the age where their interests might be breaking off a little bit. Even though they have similar interests, it's like we're kind of, I think we're just basically in the, we're at the point where we have to kind of prepare for they, they might want to do different things, you know, whereas the first seven

years of their life, they've both been excited to go to one of those jumpy house place and spend the day there or go whatever it is. I'm really into like a kid type birthday parties. Like my dream birthday party would be laser tag or do you call it laser quest here? Like I'm laser tag. Yeah, I've been looking for somewhere in LA to do it

cause I love it. There used to be a place, I've been looking for somewhere in LA to do it because I love it. There used to be a place in Sherman Oaks. My kids have done it. Would it be different than the adult? No, I mean, usually now as an adult, when I do it, I'm doing it with, there's a couple of random kids in there. And so you got to make sure you don't get too hardcore

about it, but I weirdly it's on my mind because I had a dream last night. I woke up and told Parv right away that I had a dream that I was at laser tag and you have to put in your name so it appears on the leaderboard. And I dreamt that someone put my name in as Ellen DeGeneres. And so it all came up and this was a specific dream. It all came up and I remember being like, Oh, for fuck's sake, like, can I just change my name to my name? And they're all like, I don't know who did that. But I was like, am I being bullied at this laser tag place?

There is a laser tag place in Sherman Oaks. Oh man. Is that what you just looked up? Mm-hmm. Let's go. Yeah. Put it on the list. Listen, why bring it up and wonder

when we have the answers at our fingertips. When we logged on today, just before you logged on to Fortune accidentally hit her sound effect board. And I thought, how come we never cracked this? That's when you guys aren't laughing at one of my jokes and I need help. That's impossible. Marilyn Monroe is sitting on May's face again.

Is that the sound effect? Yes. Yeah, what do all these mean? Oh, that's when I tell a fact that's really dry. Well, and you know, I have to say, I've done outdoor shows where I could actually hear crickets while I was performing. Elvin May said we should all hang out together

and freeze time and hang out together. For a full week. Then we hear. Chirp, chirp. All right, you ready for the next one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's when Fortune showed her bee hole. Yeah. Let's hear it again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. let's hear it again. Yeah, that's a B-hole reveal. Or it's when Thomas makes an appearance and he's like Kramer in a sitcom,

like he comes in, he makes a little appearance and people go wild. Yeah. I think that's when Thomas walks out. Sounds like a say by the bell moment. Yeah. God, I'm so glad that TIG doesn't have access to this board. I feel like you wouldn't be able to. Oh, that's like one of those Mayfax.

I've told you I don't like scary movies. Those are mine. Hey ghost, that's for when we say. Yeah ghost. Yeah ghost. Yeah ghost. I wanna play like a game with it, but I just can't think of anything.

But it's like I want someone to say something and then just, I don't know. I need to label them so, cause to use them just, I don't know. I got it. I need to label them so, because to use them effectively, I need to know what I'm hitting and they're not labeled right now. Yeah. Well, or it's fun if you don't hit them effectively.

Yeah. And it's the wrong thing. Like we could set up a scenario and then you just push any random button, close your eye. Okay. And so we're pretending we're like on a kind of sitcom or something and you guys are at the coffee shop and then I enter

and I throw my coat down and my bag and I go, well, it's official, I'm getting fired. Pfft. Pfft. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That's pretty good. And then what do you say, Tate? Guys, I don't know if I'm gonna be in the mood to do an episode today. Stephanie told me she's leaving me.

That's so cruel. We don't know what to say to you. Okay, Fortune, you say something, but don't look where you're gonna push, what button you're gonna push. Is this still part of the sitcom? Yeah, let's head back into the, we're in the coffee shop. Stephanie's leaving TIG and I just got fired.

And then I come in bouncing off the walls because I drank a triple espresso. And you say what? Oh. Oh. You don't say anything? You're just literally bouncing off the walls?

Yeah, and then you find out. Exchange a glance and I go, well, it's official. That's my catchphrase. I go, it's official, fortune's back on the caffeine. And then how about Thomas? Thomas walks in and says, Oh, I forgot to push record guys. I really want to see the video.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, I forgot to push record guys. You're kidding, right?

That was good acting because I really, for a minute, was like, what? I know, I thought you were being for real too, Thomas. He's a real talent. Have you ever wanted to be an actor, Thomas? I mean, it seems fun. Memorizing lines stresses me out. Oh, that is stressful. I don't love that part of it.

It feels like homework. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is homework. You should do a sound effect. Yeah. Yeah. If you're a homeowner who doesn't want to deal with switching your home insurance, we understand.

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promo code handsome at checkout. Stop scooping.com slash handsome and enter promo code handsome at checkout. Stop scooping.com slash handsome and enter promo code handsome. Also trying to remember lines, but then not look like you're trying to remember your next line. Like trying to really be listening to the other person, but really you're like, what the fuck? What do I say?

Yeah, because you can see it right here when someone's thinking. How much do you really prepare for your lines? Do you scramble when you're getting your makeup on or in your trailer before you start filming or? Like with this show that I'm doing this summer, it's very, it's all CIA. Lingo.

Lingo, so if it, they'll give me a heads up if there's like a really big speech coming where I have to sound like I know all this jargon because I'm the math and the I'm the math expert and the weapons expert. So if I know one of those is coming, I'll start looking at it like two weeks ahead. Well, but if it's just regular, a regular like day a regular day or two before. I always had this nightmare when I was doing plays in college of forgetting my lines.

It freaked me out, I don't know why. Well it really happens. Yeah, in plays and stuff I think people do go blank sometimes. And what do they do? I don't, I'm trying to think of, I can't even think of the name of the play, but I saw one in London where it was clear that it happened and just the other actor always tries to,

it's like, I bet you're wondering, I bet you're wondering. Wondering what your line is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember the groundlings that we'd have some of that happen where someone would come out at the wrong time or just totally drop the ball and so that rest of the peoplelings that we'd have some of that happen where someone would come out at the wrong time or just totally drop the ball

and so that rest of the people had to scramble to try to like pick up the pieces. I feel like in the old days of SNL, you would never see them reading their cue cards. Like, and now you can see their eyes just fully reading their cue cards. But in the old days, like, I don't know. Well, they said the trick to it is to only look

at the cue cards and to not look at the other actors. But as an actor, you're taught to connect. Yeah. So I think when you see them look at the cue cards and then look at the actors, you're like, oh, they're reading. But if they just stay with the cue cards the whole time, you'll never know.

Yeah. I don't think any of us are quite famous enough that if we were filming something, we could be like, I demand an earpiece and I want the lines written on the forehead of my co-star. Like, cause I think you get big enough, you just go, just feed them to me one by one. Yeah, some actors do have it said to them.

I have bad news for you. Oh my God. Did you do that? I didn't demand it, they delivered it. No way. What are you waiting? Because you couldn't remember something? On Star Trek, I mean, I really struggle

because you think the CIA is hard to. I can't imagine the sci-fi world. Oh my God. With sci-fi stuff, you can't imagine the sci-fi world. Oh my God. With sci-fi stuff, you can't flub it too. You can't sort of make, you can't be like, yeah, and the Klingon's on planet. No. Yeah.

And the hard part is, yeah, I really don't know what I'm talking about. You know? Like I can't picture. I wouldn't either. I can't picture what these made up words are talking about. Yeah, like I don't.

I don't even know like how to feel about them. Yeah, it's interesting. Parv's daughter has a line coming up in like a kindergarten play and got the script and it was like they'd highlighted her line. And it's like, and we learned. Her line. Yeah, and she's like they'd highlighted her line. It's like, and we learned- Her line. Yeah, and she's like student number 76

and she has to say, and we learned computers and how to use the mouse and typing or something like that. And she is fired up about this line. And she's like, and she goes, can I say it cool? And I was like, yeah, what does that look like? And she's like, yeah, we learned computers and that. She really wants to make an impact with this line. I think it would be great.

She will make an impact with this line. There's a viral video right now of a little British boy in the car with his mom and he goes, well, we found out for the Nativity Play which roles we're gonna get. And she's like, oh, who are you? And he goes, door holder number four. And she's like, oh, who are you? And he goes, door holder number four. And she's like, oh, cool.

And then he goes, get in, it's an iconic role. He's so excited. That's cute. That's so great. All right, well, we were speaking earlier about my birth and the woman who birthed me, was that a good transition, you guys? That was great.

I have no idea who this is, but. Well, you're about to get your booty blown. Okay. I'd prefer not to, but just tell us who the guest is. Well, to sort of commemorate, is that the right word, Pride Month? Not just commemorate, but close out Pride Month.

To close out Pride Month. We wanted to do something different, something special, and she may not be famous like Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. Or you know, one of our handsome question askers but she's infamous, at least in my life because a lot of my comedy, I talk about my mother

in my upcoming special that will be out whenever she's a big part of that. And a lot of people had put on our Handsome Socials that they would like to hear a question from her. And my mother, Ginger Feamster, is asking us a question to close out Pride Month. Amazing. Yes. Hi, Handsome. This is Ginger Feimster, Fortune's mother. And I would like to know what your experiences were like coming out your families. Ginger.

We had to tape that so many times by the way. She was like, here, come over here to this side of the wall. There's, I have these flowers over here. I think that would make a good background. And then we taped that like 20 times. That's so cute. I'm like, mom, we got it. So wait, you were in town with her.

I was in town with her last time I had a show there because I knew I had, after the people had sat on our poll that they wanted her to ask a question, I called and said, hey people, want you to ask a question? And she goes, I don't know how to do that. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to do this for her. So when I went home, I said,

we gotta do the handsome question. And I thought it'd be cool for her to ask something in Pride Month because of obviously the subject matter. But after I came out, she at first, well to answer this question. Yeah, how'd you do it? Yeah, so she was, I was kind of nervous to tell her,

like she's very progressive and liberal, but as I had talked about one of my stand-up specials, she was dating this very conservative, very religious man when I was in college. And she did at that time sort of have this tendency to take on the personality traits of whoever she was dating. So she went from being like my whole life pretty progressive to like all of a sudden pretty buttoned up and like a little bit more conservative in certain ways. And I was like, oh, this is,

who is this? And they had just broken up. And when I was kind of coming to terms with being gay. And so I really was nervous to tell her and I took her to this Chinese restaurant to tell her, I don't know why I say sweet and salty because I could eat crab rangoons if she disowned me. But even though, you know, I really did not know how my parents would react. I was very nervous. I told a couple of friends first as sort of a, like how are they gonna react? And I told my mom first and she just got very quiet

and I was nervous to tell her. I was like, oh, like I couldn't just say it. Like I'm gay at first. I was like, oh, just so you know, like, my life is gonna be different than what you might have thought it was gonna be. And I was kind of like beating around the bush. And then finally, and she was just kind of like trying to grasp what I was saying because I was, it's hard in the beginning to say the words like I'm gay.

And I was trying to figure out how to say that lightly. And then I finally was like, so, you know... I'm gay. I'm gay. And she was kind of quiet and listened. And I think maybe in the beginning, there was like some, are you sure kind of things. And then when I told my dad-

Did you say look at me and ask me that again? Well, when I told my brothers, they were both like, duh. It's like, come on. And, but my mom was genuinely shocked, which like is the only person in my life who was genuinely shocked, which is the only person in my life who was genuinely shocked. My dad, I had my mom go with me to tell him we went to a park.

That's nice that she came. Yeah, well, so I had her sit up kind of a few, because they aren't together. They divorced when I was 12, but they're friends, and I had her sit kind of up, and my dad and I don't really have serious conversations with each other. Wait, sit up?

Like sit just like a few meters? Like we were on a hill, sorry. Like on a different swing? We were on a hill and she was kind of sitting up above the hill. On top of the slide. And I just was like, I just with him pulled the band and I was like, yeah, I'm gay.

And he's like, all right, you're my daughter. You're my daughter. I love you, you're my daughter. He was he's like, all right, you're my daughter. You're my daughter. I love you, you're my daughter. He was so nervous. He's like, you're my daughter, I love you. Cause he's probably like. I. And my mom, and that's his way of trying to accept it

and be cool. And my mom goes, Mike, she knows she's your daughter. She's telling you she's gay. Oh my God. What I would give to overhear this at a park. And she's yelling, I'm gay in the middle of this tiny town. I'm like, can you just keep it down? Oh my gosh.

And out of, were there people around at the park? Yeah, the park was full of people. I was just saying, we were at Max and Finn's baseball game or practice last night and I was at the park? Yeah, the park was full of people. I was just saying, we were at Max and Finn's baseball game or practice last night and I was at the park and I was talking to Stephanie about how insane it is, all the different things that are going on at a park. Because it's the public's backyard. And so there's like Hare Krishnas chanting

over near the baseball field and they're playing and then some dog is yapping and chasing some other dog and it's so incredible and if only I could have seen. Ginger Feimster yelling, outing me to my town. Oh my God. Mike! She knows she's your daughter. Oh.

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I need to say the right thing. And like, you know, fortune might talk about this later and what I said and you know. Well, cause he's a simple guy, you know, like we don't, we don't dig deep in our relationship. So I think in his brain, he was like, how do I tell her right away? I'm not going anywhere.

That changes nothing. Yeah. Yeah. So it was his beautiful way of acceptance in the way that he could, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But she's like, it's not good enough. And is he progressive? Yeah, more than you would think,

but he's not like involved in, again, he's such a simple guy. He's not political. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics.

He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics.

He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. He doesn't care about politics. for decades. But he loves me, he's not like some hillbilly, but he's, you know, just, but he's also not a businessman. Yeah. And those are the only two things you can be. You either be a business man or a hillbilly. Yeah. Yeah.

And did they, did it take them a while to get, like after that, was there a period where they were kind of not asking about it or were they right away like, are you seeing anyone? Like was it on the table to be relaxed about or what? I think it was easier for them to digest it for a while because I didn't have a girlfriend for a bit. Yeah.

It's a little bit different when all of a sudden you're there meeting someone or they're seeing you hold hands. I think that probably took a minute to adjust to, but they had a couple, they had a little bit before that was introduced. And I live 3000 miles away, so they weren't, they knew this new information and then I was like, bye. I'm off to act LA.

Yeah, I'm gonna go be gay. And then, well then I started talking about in stand-ups, so then they weren't hearing about it in a comedic way and that kind of, you know, so they had a different kind of introduction to it. Stand-ups are a great way for parents to understand the inner workings of your mind and that other aspect of your personality

that you don't really share with your family. But yeah, what about you, Tig? I haven't come out. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Now it's too late. Now it's too late.

Yeah, no, I mean, I came out to my mother first and she was accepting, but she also, she was surprisingly surprised. And my mother would do this thing where she would move air from one cheek to the other and back and forth when she didn't know what to say. That's exactly it. That's a real tell. And I said, oh, you're uncomfortable.

And she's like, no, I'm not. And I was like, well, you're moving air from one cheek to the other and back to the other. And she laughed at herself. And my stepfather was fine. I think she told him, because he also like a bit buttoned up and but has no issue with any of that,

had no issue with any of that stuff. But just wasn't a conversation I was excited to sit down and have. And then my father also very fine. And I think he was trying to get it out of me My father also very fine and I think he was trying to get it out of me before I even knew. Were you guys emotional? Like.

I think I wrote my mother a letter and then when she got it, she called me and then she came out to visit me right after that. And then it was funny because my, I hadn't told my brother and my mother and brother and I were all together and she kept telling me that I needed to tell him. And I was like, I don't wanna tell, like, it's just. How old were you? Like 22 or something.

I really don't, I don't know. But I was like, I don't wanna have this conversation. My brother and I, he was off at college and we just had, we were living such different lives and he was full on party college guy and I'm like, you know, hanging out, listening to the Indigo Girls. And so I'm in the back seat of my brother's Jeep,

my brother's driving, my mother's in the passenger seat. And before he had picked us up, she kept telling me, she was like, you have to tell him, you have to tell him. And I was like, ugh. And, but I just told her I wasn't quite ready. We're driving along and while we're driving, my mother keeps saying to my brother, you know, life is all about change.

And he was like, I know. You know, he's like this big guy in his Jeep. He has like a dirty dog everywhere he went. And like, he was like, yeah, I know. And she just kept saying, well, you have to always be open. Life is all about change or it's gonna leave you behind if you don't keep up with things.

And he was like, I know. And I'm sitting back there going, oh my gosh. And then just out of nowhere, she says, Tixkay. No way, oh my God. And I just sunk in the back of his Jeep, and he goes, yeah, I know, and then I sat up and I said, you knew, and he goes, well, yeah, of course I knew,

and I was like, oh. That's so good. Yeah, but I just wanted to kill my mother in that moment. But, and then a second later I was like, oh, I'm so glad she did that. Yeah, like thank God that's done. Yeah. Yeah, it's such a relief, right?

Oh my God, such a relief. But for a little while, my mother, she didn't know, I feel like in the 90s, people still use the term lover instead of girlfriend. Oh, yeah. And my mother hated that. Yeah. She'd be like, people would ask, oh, do you have a lover? And my mother would be like, oh, don't say that. Oh, my God.

And, and so that just that term bothered her. You know, and so that just that term bothered her. And then one time she was calling my girlfriend, my good friend. And I was like, I said, she's not my good friend. That is not what's going on. And she was like, well, and that was again, one of those moments where she laughed at herself, where she realized she wasn't doing it exactly right.

It is a journey from the actual coming out to the actual acceptance. Well, yeah, and the understanding, yeah, just everything looks differently. And even though this isn't my story, I have to say my first girlfriend, she comes from a very small town. Her parents are very Catholic

and she came out to them when we were together and it happened to be on Halloween. Cause it was like, you know, when you build yourself up, you're like, I'm going to do this. So she was totally ready to do it. And then they came home from a Halloween party dressed as a priest and a nun, and she sat between them in their costumes

and came out to her parents. And she was like, had no idea they had gone to this party dressed as a priest and a nun. If you wrote that in a sitcom, it'd be like, that's too much, that's too far from it. Absolutely, it was unbelievable that that was how it unfolded. I'm just listening thinking like,

it is crazy that anyone has to, like that we assume all babies are straight and then if you're not, you gotta, it's so scary. The only like preference that you have to make a declaration about. And then like, it's like, yeah, it is wild. Well, first of all, it's so funny to say, to assume all babies are straight.

Is that kind of, I mean, hopefully, it literally feels like the babies, like they're cutting the umbilical cord and planning the bachelorette party at the same time. Like, it's so wild, but I didn't, all growing up, my parents were like, you know, when you're gonna meet a man or a woman, like they were very, like I knew it was an option.

And I think they thought my brother was gay for a while or wanted him to be in his teens. And then by the time I started dating girls, I was like also doing drugs and dropping out of school and getting kicked out. So it kind of got like brushed over. Like it was just one of many things. But they were definitely shocked

because I was so boy crazy and I had boyfriends too, so they were shocked. But I don't think I ever really had a conversation with my mom, but my dad, I remember, I was watching the movie Gia on VHS with Angelina Jolie and I didn't even really know that I was gay or bi, but I was really into Gia. And then I remember like going to get him from his office

where he was working upstairs and being like, dad, come down and see this, how great this movie is. And like showing him a scene where they're making out. She's like jumping on the fence. Yeah, and he was like, yep. Tank top. Yeah, he was like, cool. And top. Yeah, he was like, cool. And I was like, I don't know why I love

how beautiful this scene is. And yeah, they kind of always. Lesbians died over that movie. Oh my God, I know, I know. So you didn't come out and say, oh, I'm bi or I'm into women. You just showed your dad a movie. And he was like, I get it.

I started bringing girls around and it was just like dad a movie and he was like, I get it. I started bringing girls around and it was just such a chaotic time. They had just found out I'd been doing all these drugs and I'd been dating these older men. And then sort of around the time they found that out, I was hanging out with an older comedian who was very openly gay, like this woman. And I know they were really,

they were sort of interestingly like more stressed about me hanging out with her than these guys that they knew I'd been dating. So I don't know if that was like a sort of unconscious like bias or reaction from them, but then they've been very great and chill and they were always super liberal and progressive when I was growing up.

And what about, I mean, you also had to come out as, I mean, you're non-binary or trans. That's been harder, yeah, that's been way harder, yeah. Oh, really? I mean, they watched Feel Good, and I kind of, my character's struggling with it in that show, and then near the end, I'm kind of like, and so they, I think they knew it was like

something I was thinking about, but then I kind of didn't want their input, and I was just figuring it out. So then I booked top surgery and everything. And so I went and had this consultation with the doctor, and then I came back and sat them down in the living room. And it was pretty emotional, because it's like, you're not just saying,

oh, first of all, the concept is just saying, oh, I'm, first of all, it's, the concept is tough for that generation, I think. Especially they don't, you know, they're pretty insular. They, you know, they read the newspaper, but they don't. And so to be like, yeah, I'm, I'm transient. I'm having the surgery in a few months, I think. And they were very quiet and some tears, but they were supportive.

I think like their worry was, I think, cause they're like, like my mom's such a feminist, I think she worried it was to do with some like ideological like self rejection of womanhood or like, you know what I mean? Or being like, I'm not the right type of woman. And so I had to explain,

it was more on like a cellular level, something that I felt I had to do and thought about for 15 years every day. So then they kind of, and then they were amazing when I had the surgery, I recovered in their house and they were great about it. And they're really sweet, but they can't get the pronouns right.

I think they try when I'm around sometimes, but with their friends and stuff, when they talk about me, I think if I'm not there, they just defer to she, because I think their friends are unwilling to really entertain it. And how does that land for you?

I don't love it. Yeah, I think early on, I was, when I told them, I was softened by being like, of course you can still call me she and it doesn't and it's not a big deal to me and and then now it's been a few years and it it does really bump for me, but Do you want to at least see effort there? Yeah. Yeah, but I pick my battles and I know they see me as Non-binary like they've been like we we totally understand and when we see you,

but they're like, it's just a linguistic hurdle for us that we can't really wrap our, but when they're like writing down, they'll always say they, and I know they are trying, but yeah, I think they'll get there. If you're not surrounded by it or like practicing it, it is tricky. It is, I mean, not just with that,

I'm just thinking in terms of when you're in bigger cities and you are in these particular circles of people, all of these topics and changes and everything just becomes so normal and you're so used to it and then you travel outside of that world and even though there's news articles and there's information out there,

it's not in the day-to-day grind of everybody's life and I really see that even just going back to Mississippi. Yeah, I have a lot of patience for, especially with pronouns, because I'm like, that's partly for me, just because I don't wanna, I wanna put people at ease and I want them to just enjoy whatever we're talking about

and like connect with me as a human being. So if they're constantly thinking, oh, I'm gonna get in trouble or I'm gonna do this wrong, like I really, I can sense that and I'm like, I really don't give a shit that much, but yeah, it is weird. I think with gender, it does require like a big cognitive shift and the kind of like broader thinking

about like the way we think about the world and that's a big ask for some people. But it's exciting. And not to say that if you live in a small town, you're not familiar, you're not able to, or that it's not in your life. But I always think in these kinds of situations, I always think about if anybody that's confused

by the way somebody is living their life, I always imagine them sitting next to someone on an airplane. And it's just the two of you. And you don't know that somebody's had top surgery, or you don't know anything about them. And you're just connecting as a person, you're chatting for five hours as you're flying across the country,

and then you find that out in the end. Wouldn't it soften you? You know? Oh, totally. I mean, that's why comedy's such a great, like in my last special, like I mean, I talked about it at the very end of the special,

and then of course, that was the thing that they pulled for all the press about it and stuff, but I really mentally was like, oh, if they've watched me for 45 minutes and they like me, and then I'm like, and this is, you know, then that'll help, like. Yeah, it's like the Plain Lands, May has shared their trans,

and then the person that was sitting next to them with wildly different views and opinions, let's say somebody did something or said something terrible to you, would the person that had enjoyed your company for that five hour flight not defend you? That's a great scenario. Fortune, is there a sound effect for that?

Fuh-fuh. Yeah. Yes. I don't know, I think about that all the time. Oh, completely. And also like it becomes like inflated, like people, like your sexuality is my gender, that's like not a bigger part of who we are than a straight person's sexuality is my gender that's like not a bigger part of who we are than a straight person's sexuality is to them, but it becomes like an inflated thing where,

I feel like I walk in a room and people are like, trans, gay, like it's the first thing they think in their head, maybe that's me projecting, but sometimes you can see it on there. And it's like, that's so annoying. I'm so much more beautifully complex than that. That's right. Absolutely. I make tie dye. I'm so much more beautifully complex than that. Absolutely.

I make tie dye. And that has to be an interesting journey coming out several different times over the course of your life. As you're coming to terms with who you are and becoming who you are and who you always felt you are, you know what I mean? But having to, you mentioned earlier, having to sit people down and have these hard conversations, like straight people don't have to do that. They don't have to declare to the people they love most who they are. And so we're having to like figure it out ourselves and then be it sexuality, gender, and then have these conversations with this fear hanging over your head that the people you love most

are not gonna love you anymore. It's terrifying. And I talked about my coming out journey and my stand up special sweet and salty. So I was able to deliver it to people in a funny way, you know, like making jokes along the way of this journey. And underneath it is pain. It's fear, it's nerves. I was 25 years old, but you know, still that I felt like a kid, like coming out as my mom going to disown me. And I remember this straight man called into the radio show that I do and

he, he got it. He goes, you know, I had never thought about someone's coming out journey before. And I watched you talk about coming out to your parents. And even though it was, you know, you were making jokes, it was funny. He goes, he goes, I had this realization for the first time in my entire life of how terrifying it is for someone to come out. And he goes, I'd never thought about it before. I'd never had to think about it before.

And he goes, that just opened my eyes in a way that had never been open before. And I, I understood the pain for the first time and hearing a straight man say that I started crying. I was like, Oh man. Yeah. It just meant so much to have someone else understand the experience because it's so hard to describe to people. the experience because it's so hard to describe to people, just being who we are puts us at risk of losing,

losing the people that are supposed to love us the most. And unfortunately for some people, that is the reality. And really for the rest of us, we've been very lucky to still have that love, but it's not the reality for everybody in our community. That one of the first people that I came out to was my aunt. And she's very open-minded, liberal. And I was crying.

She was the first person, like before. That was my test run before I came out to anyone else. And I was emotional. And I remember she said to me, she said, you're crying because you're telling me that you love somebody and somebody loves you and you're crying. And she said, some people go their entire lives

having never experienced love. They've never loved someone or nobody loved them back and she said, and what you're sharing with me is not something that you should be crying about. You should be thankful. Cool and alert. Yeah. Yeah. That's sick.

And I was, it kind of, you know, when you're emotional and somebody says something and it kind of knocks you out of that head space. I was like, yeah. Like, why am I crying? Because that should be the answer. Yeah. That should be the response.

Yeah. Especially like the world is so scary that like, at least if you have kids, make your home a little safe bubble where they know they don't even really have to make a big stressful announcement. Make your home that bubble, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Lay the groundwork and say that there is nothing. The weird thing with trans stuff is like, especially in comedy, as it becomes like a thing in comedy to sort of, I don't know, that's, is meeting your heroes and stuff and being like, I know at this point, all the comedians I love are like, have gay friends and stuff, but you're nervous. You're like, I don't wanna be disappointed by this person

if I find out they're like, oh, these they, thems, or so, you know, they're like some lame, but you're nervous. You're like, I don't want to be disappointed by this person if I find out they're like, these, they, thems, or so, you know, they're like some lame, yeah, it's so, I often just avoid the topic because I don't want to, I'm doing that thing of like, I'll make them like me first and then show them that I'm super chill and yeah. Well, you know, the best thing we can do for ourselves and for other people is to be ourselves.

And, you know, I know coming out, me figuring out my sexuality, I'm sure you guys feel this way and your coming out journeys. I felt like the entire weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders when I came out because there was always this like missing puzzle piece. Something didn't fit right. I never felt like whole and I didn't know what it was. And I was always searching for something and I was like, why don't I have peace?

And when I came out, it really was this like light bulb moment of like, oh my God, that is the missing piece. And I felt better than I'd ever felt in my entire life. Just like I can finally be me. That's how I felt after top surgery too, yeah. That's sick. I will say really quick about my mom. We'll get to her answer in a second.

But in her journey to the acceptance, you know, like I said, the beginning was kind of that, are you sure? And like the stages of like actual acceptance of like, now I have a girlfriend, now I have a wife, you know, she, within a couple of years joined a PFLAG. Oh, shit. Yes. Which is the organization for parents and friends and allies that they can join. It was a place where you could go talk to other parents and ask questions

and learn from other people. So there was a chapter in our county and she sought it out and joined it. And then within like two years became the president. No, ginger organization. Sorry, she's your daughter. I know. Started going to like all the prides and Charlotte and Gastonia became very vocal and would hold fundraisers in town or, you know, and if there's this one

place that wouldn't let them have it. And she was, you know, how dare they? Yeah. Cause you know, it's the South is North Carolina. So they would come up against a lot of, you know, um, adversity in there trying to just support their kids, you know, their kids and, you know, she rallied other parents and they, and they have this beautiful organization that she ran for like 10 years, she eventually, you know, retired and everything.

But she would go to the Charlotte Pride Parade and her group would write signs. They would have a float in some parades and in other parades, they would write signs of like, I love my gay child or love is love, all those kinds of things. And they would stand in front of the group of people that were there protesting and calling gays hateful names and telling us, you know, telling people they're going to hell. She and her people, that group would stand in front of these people blocking the gay people in the parade from seeing that. And they put signs of love towards the gay people, blocking their view from all these

people spewing hate. And I would get emails and DMs from people being like, I saw your mom at the parade and they would go give her hugs. And you know, especially a lot of the gay men there in the South would say to her, I haven't talked to my mom in 20 years, she disowned me. Seeing a mother support their kid means so much. It makes me feel like I have my mom again. Give her a big hug.

And she understood the the role in that. Like she goes, well, I'll you know, I can be your mom. I can be your. Yeah, that's for the day. Or I can show you the love that you're just for one day. Just for one day. And then you got to move on weirdo. And just, you know, seeing her do that, and especially a place like the South where, you know, that reality

is the case for people where they don't haven't spoken to their families and in many years. Yeah, that's a dream mom behavior. That's amazing. So I was really, really proud of her for stepping it up for the other people in that. I mean, for me is obviously, but for other people as well. That's really stepping it up, really awesome. I will say I did Google ways to come out to your family,

just for a bit of levity here. And there's some, this is a real article, a Buzzfeed article of like suggestions of ways to come out. And some of it's pretty crazy. for a bit of levity here and there's some, this is a real article, a Buzzfeed article of like suggestions of ways to come out and some of it's pretty crazy. We got Change Your Ringtone to I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross. Good one.

So this is comedic. I don't know. It has to be. It has to be, right? Yes, it has to be. It could work for someone though. Knock knock joke, who's there? Me, me who?

Me, I'm gay. Me so gay. Me so, spell it out in Scrabble, organize a singing telegram, wear regular clothes for Halloween, and when people ask you what you are, say a straight person, it's a costume, because I'm not one.

Every Halloween, I don't dress up and people ask what I am. And I always say I'm an aging lesbian. That's very good. Thank you. At the end of the day, we just want you to come out and be you. Oh, wait, not that. Yeah, there we go.

It's all of you coming out. Congratulations. We love you and accept you for you coming out. Yeah. Congratulations. We love you and accept you for who you are. Yeah, man. Let's hear what mom says. Yeah. Oh, this is gonna make me cry. Ginger.

I know that coming out to your parents is difficult and scary because you don't know what your parents' reaction will be. But as a mother whose daughter came out to me as gay, I thought, yeah, there are gonna be changes and I'm not sure about this. And one change was going to be, how is my daughter gonna be affected by this?

How's her life going to change? And I didn't want things to be harder for her, so I had lots of questions and mixed feelings. And the other thing is how would my life be impacted and what would be different for me? And parents, I would like to stress to you to please be accepting of your child and love them and know that they are honoring you by confiding in you about being gay and they love you enough to come to you for the comfort and security of sharing with you. And if you have any help or need any help please go to PFLAG. They certainly helped me.

And I just hope that you find a good place for yourself. That's great. That got me, man. Yeah, very, very sweet and true. I forget, I was babysitting some kid one day and I was like, you know, a little girl, and I was like, you know, girls can do everything boys can do. And she was like, you know, a little girl, and I was like, you know, girls can do everything, boys can do, and she was like, I know,

but it was like, oh fuck, that hadn't even dawned on her that that was, like I just put that idea in her head that that was like a debate. She was like, yeah, I know that, and I was like, oh fuck. So I think it's similar, even though it makes sense that your reaction would be like, oh god, it's gonna be hard out there for my kid. The more you can protect them from that,

you fill them with this like hope. Yeah. Yeah, because I remember that was the thing my mom would say at the beginning of like, I just don't want life to be harder for you than it already is for people. And she knew how much hate was in the world when it came to being gay and being trans and being any of what's in the considered other.

And so she just, I think as a mom, feared like, now there are going to be some people out there who hate you just for this. Imagine having a closeted kid for like, that's a real misery. That's what you wanna protect your kid from is like, fortune married to some guy called Frank who like they never have sex. Freaking Frank. Yeah.

He's cute though. Clean up his dirty underwear. Pontus. It's Pontus. Frank, pick up your dirty ponty's. But that's what I told her at the end of the day. I said, you know, that's inevitable. There will be people that hate just they'll look at my face

and like, I hate your gay face. But what I have is peace now and I get to be who I am. And I get to love who I want to love. And you know, if some of that hate comes with it, then the reward is I'm living a much more positive life in spite of that. For sure. That was pretty beautiful, App, if I say so myself. Yes.

I got choked up a couple of times. I really did enjoy hearing yourriah's story and path. I had not heard that before, so it was cool. You know, I think it is always interesting to learn people's coming out story. Yeah, like we've heard pieces of it, but then actually imagining, yeah, that all sort of, all three of us have gone through those heavy conversations

and it's nice. And then my ex had to come out to a priest and nun. That's really the highlight for me. And a huge thanks again to Ginger. What a doll face she is. I hope that this episode has the most, like I want you to be able to go to Ginger and go, you got more downloads than Jennifer Aniston.

Like I want this episode to explode. Jennifer's pretty great. She gives me, she's quirky, she gives me a lot of material, but good heart. She was a special ed teacher, a special needs teacher for 30 years, taught kids with Down syndrome, special needs, learning disabilities.

She is a cool woman for sure. Nice. You're lucky to have her and she's lucky to have you. So thanks for being a question asker on this episode. I'm lucky to have you guys in. I'm lucky to have you and you and you. You're supposed to do the crickets. Oh yeah. Oh, hold on.

But we are, I feel very lucky. But we do love you so much. And I feel very lucky to have this podcast and the reach that it gets is incredible and the people that come together enjoying it, it's just really something special. So thanks for listening everybody. Thanks for listening.

Do you have anything coming up here? Friends? I don't know. I'll tell you what's coming up in my life is my two little cubs are turning eight years old. Oh, yes. On June 26th, I cannot believe and not only can I not believe it,

but I used to have a joke years ago about people that would say, can you believe it? My son's five and he's starting kindergarten. Can you believe it? And I'd be like, yeah, that sounds about right. And now here I am. It's just like, I can't believe it. They're going to be eight. But aside from that, check out,OK on HBO Max. Stephanie and I directed the Dakota Johnson and Sonoya Mizuno film. And that is a late in life coming out story. And I just think the work that Dakota and Sonoya did on this film and the other actors, it's just, it's such, it's so great.

And my special hello again on Prime Video and always trying out new material when I can. Well, if you want to hear a lot of funny stories about my mom, cause she provides, like I said, tons of material with her quirkiness. I have three three last shows of this tour. Atlantic City coming up here soon, July six. Niagara Falls, New York and Charlestown, West Virginia.

Nice. I am not doing live shows at the moment. And but you can check out SAP or Feel Good on Netflix or take a break from me for a while. Never. And make sure to go to handsomepod.com for merchandise. We got hats, we got shirts, we got sweatshirts, we got stickers. Oh my God, we got so much.

We also have a YouTube page, go to that, see our pretty little lady faces, and subscribe. Subscribe to the YouTube channel. If you're just listening to the audio version, that's amazing too, but click subscribe. Yeah, we celebrate all you folks out there for being who you are. And if you haven't come out,

maybe this handsome pod will help you in your journey. And until next time though, please, for the love of God. Oh, wait, wait, Fortune, after we say this, can you hit a random sound effect? Okay, gosh, I don't know which one that's gonna be. For the love of God, all that remains is. Keep it handsome. Yeah. Wow, that's a big laugh right there.

Yeah, good end on a big laugh. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulett. Email us at handsomepod at gml.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!