Handsome - Glennon Doyle asks about relationship sticking points

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Author and co-host of the "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast Glennon Doyle asks Handsome about their relationship sticking points. Plus Mae's GuacaMOLE surprise, Fortune's pickup lines, and the story of Tig's visit to Glennon's house!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

🎵Handsome Pod🎵 🎵Chatting to friends on the Handsome Pod🎵 🎵Chatting to friends on the Handsome Pod🎵 Cheers! Welcome to another episode of the Handsome Pod. I am, of course, your pal Mae Martin. I'm joined by my excruciatingly handsome co-host. I'm Tig Notaro.

An unfortunate fame, sir. These are allhosts. I'm Tig Notaro. An unfortunate famester. These are all true statements. I'm Tig Notaro. And we're handsome. Are you guys feeling handsome? Well, yes, of course. Oh, because you're in the car. We're in our casual handsome looks.

I know. I don't need to say it, but I've undone a top button because my jeans are too tight. And so I feel like a pervert over here. Wait, why are your jeans too tight? I don't know. I think but i've undone a top button because my jeans are too tight and so i feel like a pervert over here wait why are your jeans too tight i don't know i think i shrunk them in the wash and it's making my stomach actually hurt like no so i i undone a button and then i thought um can we see let's show the camera yeah hey there we go those don't look loose i mean those look loose well because the button's undone oh that's true yeah something's about to go down those don't look loose. I mean, those look loose. Well, because the button's undone. That's true.

And then I thought, I don't want them to think something's about to go down. Those don't look tight. That looks loose. Hey, that doesn't look tight over there to me. Also, Mae and I have coordinated with your room. Oh, yeah. I'm green like the wall. Oh, we should say, if you're listening, we're in Tig's office.

Yes. If you're watching on YouTube right now, you're loving the color coordination happening here. If you're watching on YouTube, you just saw my pants loose. Pants. My pants. And if you're not on YouTube right now, you should go there and see,

may give you a little midriff. A little midriff. A little midriff and unbuttoned pants. Get yourself on YouTube. It's where all the good stuff is happening. And Fortune's shirt is the exact same color as the sofa yep so that was thrilling and then there's tig and then there's me yeah and my little boots but that cardigan's pretty cute on you though fortune i am a married woman that is a platonic friend compliment i don't know i kind of get a vibe that you're into me

i do i'm good at that i can tell you can read a vibe oh man what are you picking up yeah what are you picking up i don't know i just feel like you're you just shoot me away i just feel like you're always eyeing me you're always asking me to go get something. Like a piece of candy. I think you're wanting to look at my backside. Oh, well, you never know. You got Tig's face as the background to your phone. I hate to see you leave, but I love to see you walk away.

Something like that. Eh, it's nothing like that. Is that the saying? No. I don't know. Have you never heard that? No. I hate to see you... Is it the opposite? I hate to see you leave, i hate is it the opposite i i hate to see you leave but i love to see you walk away you don't know that no that's a two against one yeah oh it's a great pickup line i hate to see you leave but i love to watch it a great pickup i'm trying to imagine you should have more together it's when you're checking out someone's backside. No, we get it.

I'm trying to imagine someone being like, oh, okay, all right. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I could see myself in them. That's pretty good. Or nice jeans. Wait a minute. They look better on my...

You heard that one, right? I have not heard that one. Have you heard that one? Two against one. What else we got? Is there a mirror in your pants? Yeah, because I can see myself in them who on earth would say such a thing it has to work for someone can i tell you my pickup line

please like let's say i'm at a bar or party or someplace that i'm never at yeah um excuse me and then make my way through that's it yeah and then people are like who's that enigmatic humble soul i i go to if i'm at a party group of people maybe it's a friend of a friend we're chatting i'm like whoa we need you need to slow down are you trying to make out with me right now and then i might say i mean i haven't done that in years but then they make out with you yeah of course have you ever had somebody be like be like ew yeah what do you that's weird and then just leave i mean i'm not doing it right as i described but it's like the timing has to be right they have to be kind of walking by you and then you go like are you trying to make out with me right or yeah yeah

or you go like or you go are we gonna make? Oh, that's good. Because that's more of like. It's less of a you're a pervert. Less of a threatening thing. Stop trying to make out with me. And they're like, what? It feels accusatory, you know? Are we going to make out tonight? They're like, I don't know, are we?

Oh, the mirror thing wasn't good enough for you? Is it just staring at your co-host all the time? Yeah, probably that. There's got to be another pickup line that would work one to ten how attracted to me are you i mean now let's be serious like a 12 is this on there i'm not great with numbers wow hopefully we hopefully doesn't make things weird on the pod. There needs to be more of a rom-com about two handsome individuals. Like, usually if it's a queer story, it's like there's a femme, and then there's like a, what about two handsome fellas like you and me? Me and you?

May. Why is everyone so attracted to me? I'm just out trying to make a living. I'm at work. May on a scale of one to ten may on a scale of one to ten how how attracted to you are this is sexual harassment we can't hide it anymore when you ask it it's not but when we ask it well because i'm like i can tell that well clearly it's work it's uh happening over here too yeah i'm sitting far away on that couch i knew the handsome pot at one point was gonna get sticky sticky

okay but if the world ended and there were no other and it's gonna and it's gonna and it was just we're almost there how long do you think it would take before we were like, I guess we should have sex? Before May starts being like, are we gonna make out? Are we gonna make out? I don't know. It feels offensive if you guys say a long time. Like three days? Yeah.

I'd probably just go for it right away. Yeah. Polyamory we're now a mormon family of wives and husbands no i with this two against one dynamic that we have like poly i think it would be a nightmare i know i'd always be the one left out you guys team up on me or really yeah or like do think Fortune and I would be just hooking up constantly. Like not even coming up for breath. That is

hilarious. We can't be bothered right now. You gotta take that flannel off right now. Take that off. And I'm like guys I've got no one else to talk to. Everyone died at the end of the world. You're like,

May, fortune slowly removed my hiking boots. Wow, what a story. Yeah. Yeah. I like to be the pursuer, but I,

I think I give off a vibe on stage of like intense vulnerability or something because people are so forward with me after shows and that does not, it really doesn't do it for me. Oh, really? I i have to i kind of like having to be the one to be like

a little chase please are you really i don't know i don't know maybe that's not true you do give off the vibe that you would want someone to bear their soul to you yeah maybe but you remember in school where you could just write will you go out with me check yes or no yeah did you really do that yes i did do that and people and this guy one time wrote a poem for me maybe he's listening now we're still pals what's his name devin what up devin and he wrote a poem that said um all i remember is it ended this is grade 10 it ended with fill the void rid of the itch and go out with me you sexy bitch and he read it in front of all the kids in the class. Was this when you had braces and acne? Oh my God.

I think the braces were off. We're talking shoulder length hair. How old was he? 14 for something, maybe 15. And it was okay to read that language in front of the class? There was no teacher present. It would be wild. You didn't have teachers in Canada.

Yeah, no teachers. We didn't have teachers. You got the itch, go out with me. What. We didn't have teachers. You got the itch. Go out with me. What was it? Fill the void. Rid of the itch. You know, it was a weird alternative school with like people.

Yeah, that were like learning Latin and stuff. Wait, what was it? Fill the void. Rid of the itch. And go out with me, you sexy bitch. It blew my socks off. You sexy bitch. And did you go out with him?

Yes, he was my boyfriend. For how long? I believe that yeah that tracks i was like i could tell you would have been into that i was into i was like what if somebody read that poem for you when you were 14 i would have been like this like wait what spill what void i think are we itchy yeah yeah itch are we talking about? Who are you calling a bitch? Sexy's nice. Thank you for that.

I do remember being a little bit like... Nah, bitch. I don't know. I remember I was at a comedy club years ago with this woman that I was dating. This was like... I had not started doing stand-up, but I was very obsessed with it. She came across two free tickets to the comedy club.

And we went and there was a comedian on stage talking about women real casually, like, you know, and this bitch walks up to me. And I was like, oh, I was so like, this is not cool. so like this is not cool and I yeah and I turned to her and I was like I I was so appalled you were scandalized I just I was like oh my I felt like a grandmother and it's so crazy how much I wanted to be in stand-up but I wasn't like you didn't have that like thick skin green room culture no you're like how dare you that bro yeah i like that and i i mean i've i've eased into it just fine and i'm used to it but i was like i can't believe this guy is yeah calling women and we might be peers one day yeah i'm gonna be in this field with this thank you oh my god i can't even imagine a time where you're going to comedy clubs as an audience member having never done stand-up watch me yeah like i remember doing that yeah me too yeah i was

like obsessed i think i could do this one day maybe yeah i don't know we'll see but your early sets you were just like bitch this bitch that it was crazy fortune on So many bitches were harmed through my material. My first set ever, I talked about just the most mundane things. Like, I don't like the seeds in strawberries. We know this about you. We do know this about you. That was in my first set.

That checks out. What was that leading to? What was the punchline? Honestly, I don't think there were many punchlines it's but it was a it was a a set at the end of a six-week class so everyone in the audience was just like friends so they were laughing at anything yeah it was not a true so you took a stand-up class i did yeah okay i did two in my teens for i don't know six weeks or something yeah yeah i needed something to just get me out on the stage yeah and i wasn't i was too scared to just show up to a club once i did the class then i showed up to the club like and what did the class teach you honestly just

to get up there and try yeah yeah point of view like just to have yeah his saying was like uh crap it out is like crap it out yeah to get up there you're talking about bro culture like crap it out get your slap your dick on the table and say here i am so you can just crap it out so everybody at the beginning of class you'd go up there for like a minute or two, I can't remember, and just talk about nothing or whatever was in your day. Just to get in the habit of being in a microphone. Crapping it out. Yeah.

Got to get in the habit of crapping it out. Yeah. That is important, though, because when you start, the gap between your taste and your ability is so massive. Yeah. You're like, why am I not really really good yeah but you've got to crap it up years ago there was a competition for like the funniest person in orange county or something that's a tough competition there's a lot of you seen the oc there's some funny team well i had heard from a friend of mine that she was going to this competition and so i signed up for it oh my god just to do a bit are you serious yes and i had the intro music was lionel richie's hello uh-huh and so when they announced me i had them play lionel richie's hello

which is the slowest song ever. And then I started from the very back of the room and took my time walking to the stage. And I did the most just pedestrian, terrible, terrible jokes. And was she a comedian? Yeah, she was dying laughing. Oh, my God. and then we were sitting to at like of course bombed and uh which was what i was going for and then i was sitting with her

um i was going to say chatting but then i was about to go into our theme song i can't say that word anymore yeah so i was talking to, and the guy came up to tell her that she was moving on to the finals. And then he told me I was disqualified. Why? Oh, just he'd been eliminated. Well, I had been eliminated. Oh, I thought you broke the rules.

No, no, no. I'm sorry. I was eliminated. Okay. And then I told him I was like i was like okay well i've i told him i had rented a limousine oh my god to drive off to sell a frame and he was like i'm sorry but and i was like and oh i know what i did i go you know what i don't care i'm still gonna compete i'm still gonna compete but you're

like i'm gonna stop yeah and he was like you can't you've been removed from the and i was like i don't care i'm gonna show up and i'm gonna win this thing and he was i'm certain he had no sense of humor yeah he couldn't detect anything and my friend the best trait of a comedian often like humor well he also did comedy lessons of course yeah yeah these mcs of these types of shows are there they always have no sense of some of the best yeah you go i've rented a limo yeah what am i gonna do now yeah i'm gonna drive home uh remove from this i don't think so i'm celebrating and i'm coming back and i'm gonna win this thing i can't get my money back from this limo so i'm gonna go he must have thought i was out of my mind i feel like when trump loses the election that's what he's gonna he's gonna be

like i rented a limo i'm i'm not whatever i try to get political i never in my life have i ever tried to get maybe you need to button your pants. Can I tell you another button to lift? Another button's popped. All right, let's zoom in. Zoom in on May's crotchet. Wow. We've been talking about it on the podcast. I've been treading water lately.

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Rates vary by state. In some states, participation in DriveWise allows all state to use your driving data for rating and your rate could increase with high-risk driving. By the end of this, it might be pants off. It might be pants off. Wow. I'm with friends in my handsome pants. Handsome ponties.

You're going to be in your handsome ponties. Oh my god i almost forgot wait oh yeah we're not alone in this room tonight we're not we have some there's a ghost right behind you special guests we do these were and if you're if you're listening to this i'm holding two knitted uh, is that Canadian? Knitted? Yeah, did you say knitted? Two knitted stuffed animals that a handsome pod fan gave to Fortune at a live show in Pennsylvania In Hershey, Pennsylvania

She hand-did all of these Hand-did them What's the word for it? Hand-knitted And this is, I guess I don't know if i have i have no memory of talking about my my two cartoon characters oh yeah you did it because a lot of people talked said they would love to see that as a cartoon really yeah so my idea is a cartoon with avocado bear and guacamole and he's a bear and then it's a mole and the way she's knitted

these are literally exactly what was in my head like this is exactly how i always picture them that's cool i don't know can i use these to make like a i don't know i say go for it i say whatever you're dreaming up just go for it but she really wanted you to have those because hopefully the police won't find out whatever law you're thinking of breaking i mean i imagine she wanted to inspire you so yeah i'm just gonna go into netflix throw these at ted sarandos and walk out and say where do i sign yeah i'm gonna treasure these forever i honestly it's surreal because i for years have thought frequently almost every time i cut into an avocado, I think, avocado bear.

Yeah. How can you cut into an avocado knowing avocado bear? I know. His little belly. I love that this guy or person has glasses. Not a person. Guacamole can't see very well, I guess. Of course, has glasses like all the best cartoon moles.

And wait, you pictured Guacamole with glasses? Yes, I'm sure. You did? Yes, I'm sure I have like a drawing somewhere. Okay, find it. But also, the glasses, oh, come off. They come off. The glasses don't fully cover both eyes on Guacamole.

That's part of the bit. No, yeah, they're super wonky. Also, probably knitting is hard. Right? Yeah. Let's cut her some slack. Let's cut her some slack. Poking holes in the, well, they don't actually fit perfectly.

She's like, she's like watching this right now being like, it took me three weeks, all day, all night to make this. And I go, eyes don't't fit my grandma used to knit hold on yeah go hold on you ready for me to blow your mind oh my god now the avocado bear has glasses take us anyone watching on youtube on this episode really is getting a lot of treats yeah holy shit yeah yeah so i think out of the box i think that they're maybe this is meant to inspire you friend yeah i feel inspired good avocado that's what our pods for inspiration is a little drunk oh my god to save lives to make people laugh wait why did you take the glasses off

right away yes i really whipped them off i was well, they don't belong to the bear. How is the mole going to see without his glasses? I called it guacamole. I forgot it was a mole. It's a mole. That's the whole joke. I said, and here's this guacamole thing. Oh, my God, Fortune.

Don't let me hear that. I mean, I guess it's not a pronoun, but it's like. She sent you something, too, but I didn't open it to see what it was. Yeah, it was something in a Ziploc bag. Yeah, so you might be blown away later. The same level of enthusiasm. I haven't opened it yet, but I'm going to. Now wait, Fortune, what did they make for you?

Or did they only make us things? No, I did get something too. She knit a hat um that looks exactly like biggie's face oh my god and jack's put it on him today and he looks like um what is it in that star wars movie oh no no an ewok yeah an ewok what's that from star wars yeah it looks like an ewok um so it's pretty funny. An Ewok with two faces? Well, it completely hides his face. It's a hat that hides... It's a hat.

It's like a... What do y'all call them? Beanies? Like a beanie? Yeah, yeah. What do y'all call them? In the South, we call them toboggans, but that... Other people call that a sled.

Wait. I call it a toque, but you're calling that a toboggan? I don't know what anybody's talking about at this point you thought you know it's in a toboggan a sled yeah but in the south where i'm from people call a beanie a toboggan okay the way your hands a beanie a toboggan but out here people want beanies canad Canadians apparently call them toques. Toques. So I don't know why we can't all just agree on one name. Yeah, why can't we all just get along?

What do you call them though, beanies? I don't call those things. You have one, right? I have a beanie? Yeah. You ever go in a winter situation? Yeah, I put on my winter hat and head out. Okay, well that's not a fun name.

Well, I don't know you're being a real i don't think about this hat stephanie grab my toboggan and then here comes a sled we should post it and i'll post if you're listening on youtube i'll post pictures i never know what to post that's what i always wonder how do people like oh i'll think like, oh, that would be fun to post. And then I forget. Yeah, that's all right. For me, it's purely, it's pure vanity. If I stumble upon a picture that I think I look okay, and I'll find an excuse to post it. Like, oh, you got to post your fern colored t-shirt.

Are you one of those people that posts a picture or says to people like, oh my God, we need to post this and you look amazing and everybody's like that's one of my pet peeves is when a friend posts one that i like my one of my best friends gabby we took a picture together and she was like i'm gonna post it i can't express enough that i looked like there was something wrong with me. Like my face was contorted into this kind of like red, like, and she looks great. And I looked her in the eye and said, Gabby, don't do this to me.

Like, don't post this. And she was like, I won't, I won't. I promise. But there was a little glint of mischief in her eyes. And she fully posted it like an hour later. And then I felt like a psycho being actually annoyed because I was like, who cares? It's just Gabby's.

And she was like, you're being crazy. And I was like, God it's just Gabby's and she was like you're being crazy and I was like I did directly look you in the eye and did you talk to her are you waiting for her to hear this episode I think it's one of our three arguments we've ever had she brings it up still she's anytime we take her she's like is Mae happy with it

I look bad in so many photos and I'm just like whatever don't talk about my friend like that don't you dare talk about my friend like that great pictures out there too i'm just saying it's a mix yeah there are some like okay you're saying you take some good photos and some bad ones i know it's shocking okay but you know in la like you'll occasionally walk around and like suddenly there'll be like photographers somewhere yeah i don't and you don't know that they're there there are some pictures out there of me that are

so crazy i'm like oh my god i'm like am i making this crazy face in life like how did they capture no the most horrendous horrific look possible it's you're just like to post them they were so absurd you must be just in the middle of a word or something i think or like i'm i'm in the middle of realizing someone's in front of me so my face contorts and they capture that exact i came out of therapy once and somebody was there with like a paparazzi photo oh my god you're like crying you've been crying no i hadn't been crying i don't cry but uh i was fine you know you remember what you were talking about in therapy yeah i would love to rehash all of this um probably the pressures of fame yeah it's like how to deal with a co-worker that's in love with me that must be hard

but I don't remember what it was it was just I don't think they knew I was at therapy right but I was coming out of there and they're like Tig oh my god not the headspace for those it used to crack me up because I used to work in a customer service call center for like a glamour photography place where you could pay like an insane amount of money and then you get a makeover and they do a photo shoot of you. And yeah, and this place was so shady. We should take a glamour shot together. I think that is on our list already.

Oh, it is? Yeah. Well, keep it on the list. Keep it on the list. And people would like 18 year olds would sign up and they'd sign up for these payment plans that were like four years long and they're like tied into thousands of dollars. Anyway, but people would always call and they'd be fuming. They'd be like, I want to cancel it because that's not what I look like.

And I'd be like, but it is a photograph of you. So you would not let them out of their contract? No, I did. That's why I got fired because I was just going, all right, I'll cancel. Oh, you were like, yeah, these pictures aren't great. I'll give you your money back so but you flip through them while you're on the phone you're like oh boy I see what you mean

yikes that is rough but also people don't know what they look like like we don't know what we look like oh I'm I feel like I've looked like this for so long I so often see a picture I'm like I don't know it's a photograph really and it looks like you're like recognizing yourself for the first time or like it's a photograph really and it looks like you're like recognizing yourself for

the first time or like it is me but i'm just like you feel detached from it yeah am i describing it's not quite what you it's like it reminds me of when i first started doing stand-up we're not judging i was just trying to i'm describing like acute depersonalization and dysphoria maybe i thought everyone felt like that i'm sure there are a lot of people that do yeah for sure where you're like that's not me there's got to be that can't be something i know because they were calling has you know yeah true wait when you first started stand-up yeah i you know i was all wired full of nerves and excitement and i would videotape myself so I could hear my set and work on my writing and I would be so startled by how I was coming across on stage compared to what I thought

I thought I was so cool calm and collected and I was like so uncomfortable and I felt like filming myself and watching my sets in my first year or so really helped me kind of yeah I'm like that like I'll take my audio to so I can like remember if I came up with tags or bits or stuff and I'll start

hearing my voice and I'm like oh my god people are paying for this I know so I have a gorgeous if not handsome handsome poster and um hanging it right on my office wall. Framebridge makes it easy to get anything framed at an affordable price. Easily order online at framebridge.com or visit a Framebridge retail store. Upload a digital photo for them to print and mail your item using their free, secure, prepaid packaging or visit one of their 20 plus retail stores. Doing this podcast is a real source of pride for me. So seeing our poster, not just me seeing it,

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That's greenchef.com slash handsome50 and use code handsome50 for 50% off plus 20% off your next two months. Green Chef, the number one meal kit for eating well. I'm really excited about this guest. We've all been on her podcast. Yeah, very successful podcast. Individually. Yeah. Very wise person. Yeah. Very funny. Very funny.ividually. Yeah. Very wise person.

Yeah. Very funny. Very funny. Very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Our guest today is an author, activist, and podcast host whose best-selling books are Untamed, Love Warrior, and Carry On Warrior. She is the founder and president of the nonprofit Together Rising and co-host the podcast

We Can Do Hard Things with her wife, Abby, and sister, Amanda, Glennon Doyle. Glennon Doyle, that's who it is. Glennon Doyle. Glennon Doyle. Glennon Doyle. I will say, I don't think that you planted or planned this, but you got Glennon's book behind you on the shelf there.

I noticed it earlier. And Abby's. And Abby's, yeah. And Abby's, yeah. Abby Wombeck. Forward. Oh, and Untamed, Glennon Dwell. Yeah.

Didn't even plan it. Just there they are. On the bookshelf. Big fans of theirs. Yeah. Glennon's known on her podcast and her books to be very open and vulnerable and talk about things and you were talking about you tend to get vulnerable

and oh I can't stop yeah it's yeah because people also people respond to it so much that then it kind of becomes this monster you can't stop you're just like pouring your it's a vulnerable monster you can't stop

stop this thing yeah and's a vulnerable monster you can't stop you can't stop this thing yeah yeah and what a um pairing of those two glenn and abby i was a huge uh soccer fan i am a huge soccer fan and i used to watch abby uh pretty religiously that's a power couple yeah a very big power couple no doubt really cool things together. I mean, Stephanie and I are pretty powerful, too. Powerful, yeah. That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, more powerful than your relationships and Abby and Glennon.

It is a competition. We do have a chart going. Should we listen to the question? Yeah, we should. We should like to talk a little more about. Otherwise, Jake is going to keep talking about this power couple situation. Stephanie and I are more powerful than Glennon and Abby and Fortune and Jax and May and Parvati. See, Glennon's not going to know if you're kidding or not.

Well, yeah. I think she gets it now. She knows you're ridiculous. Yeah. I'm dumb. No, not that. Don't talk about my friend like that. Don't talk to me like that, my friend.

Hi, handsome. Hi. I'm Glennon Doyle. You, Tig, Fortune, and May might remember me from the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. I've actually invited every single one of you on my pod. Oh, God. invited every single one of you on my pod. I actually wrote to you to ask you if I could be on your pod. How dare you? So we have a little imbalance there, but it's okay. We'll work that out later. Here's my cue. I want to hear about a friction point in each of your relationships. point in each of your relationships.

And by that I mean some sort of situation in which one of you is absolutely sure you're right and the other is absolutely sure that they're right and you have never been able to come to any sort of compromise or decision or middle ground on it and maybe you never will.

That's what I want to know. Oh man. I like you three a lot we like we like you too a lot also we always planned to invite them on the pod both of those yes but we thought that they were coming to our live show and we had this whole plan we were gonna yeah get down on one knee and backstage yeah like, can you submit a video to the handsome pod? And then shoots a text going, not going to be there. And then we were like, yeah, whatever.

Well, things come up, obviously. They have kids and busy lives. No, there's no excuse. But May is right. That's why we had waited to ask. Man, friction points where both people are like standing their ground i don't i i haven't had that yet with parv like we yeah how long have you been together now like a year kind of wow or not even a year yeah let's be honest yeah how long

eight months no like 10 10 months months yeah ten or eleven eleven or twelve we met eleven months ago nine maybe whatever could be seven we've like yeah there's nothing like that yeah yet nothing i mean we've butted heads but usually then one of us is like ah you're right like oh yeah y'all no one like really digs their heels in. We haven't found the thing yet. I don't know. Have you had an argument? Yes. Or do you both just go,

yeah, you're right. Let's go have a drink, kid. That's how we talk to each other. We have had an argument about what we're going to eat on Christmas Day. And the argument was one of those things where neither of us, it wasn't even an argument but then

it was like are you mad it was like no i'm not but you're saying that you're mad i was like i'm not like it was about nothing but i felt crazy yeah and uh but i'm too big a fan of hers to you know really stand my ground for long yet that i would say that will change at some point i know i think you're right i mean you can i know mean, you can like and love the person as more than any person in the world. At some point there will be something where you're like, okay, I don't love that thing. In previous relationships, I feel like I've had.

Yeah. Yeah, what about, so okay. What's something that keeps coming up over and over? I always tell, well, I don't always tell stephanie that would make me a psychopath but i remember one time i said to her 99 of the time i love being with you laughing with you it is like euphoric yeah but then one person i can't stand you i cannot stay you are the worst person i have ever met did you say that in an argument or just outside of an argument like i can't even remember same yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure. It's definitely a mutual thing.

Oh my gosh. It's like we get along so well. We work together well. And then those moments happen where it's like, like who am I talking to? And same for her with me. It's so wild when that happens. I have remembered one argument that we had that was, I felt we were lying in bed and Parv says, if there's a scale of predator to prey in the animal kingdom.

So right away I'm in for this conversation. Sure. It's like. Right up my street. It's may facts are just begging. It's hypothetical. It's facts. And she's like, where energetically do you fall on predator to prey?

And I said, either bottom of the prey column or top of the, no, sorry, bottom of the predator column or top of the prey column. So I'm maybe like a fox. So I'm eating like small mice or something. Okay. Or a fish or something like that. But I'm not like an apex predator or something. Yeah.

But then also I'm not like a worm. Have I lost everyone? I think we're still falling. I was listening. It could be maybe like a sort of. It definitely feels like something where I would zone out or wander off. But you were still with me. Thanks, man.

But then we started arguing about what animals were counting as predator and what counted as prey. And then it became a real argument, which made me laugh so hard the next day that I was like, were we actually mad about that before we went to- What were you arguing about? Okay, I- Who was more of a, of animal was a bigger predator? I said that a fox counts as a predator. She said it doesn't.

Obviously a fox is a predator. Yeah, and then also I didn't realize that she was talking sort of sexually energetically. Oh, I didn't. I just thought she meant like the essence of your soul. So when I was being like, oh, maybe I would be like an otter or something. I didn't. And then when she's like, that's not sexy.

Yeah. Then sexually, I'm like, well, I don't know. I don't know. She's a shark or something. Like you're an otter in the sheets. Yeah. I think. Do otters have those big flat tails?avers oh okay i'm a beaver

otters have big tails but not flat anyway well i feel here's my concern if in your first year because i don't think stephanie and i got into an argument in our first year yeah and if you two got into an argument in your first year and it was about if about foxes and otters and prey like I'm concerned about your future. I will say that the whole through this argument I'm talking about, she was laughing hysterically at how annoyed I was getting. And like the more annoyed I got, she was crying, laughing. But I was legitimately like, I don't understand what's going on. she was crying laughing but i was legitimately like i don't understand what's going on yeah and she was like you're she was denying my reality of being gaslighting me bottom of it she kept being like oh so you're prey and i was like no i'm not saying that i'm saying i'm bottom

of the predator chain oh my god i would have had to have walked out of the room. I would have been like, I wish I like I can barely give a shit about this. And I would have just walked out of the room. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I can't really. OK, I'm going to have to get the in case you're invested. I'm going to get the details again from Barb. Yeah, we're all invested except for Tate. You just got to find out.

Are you invested? I'm right here here i'm right here with me okay what's the biggest thing with you and jocks that keeps um i mean we i would say like you and stephanie get along such a high percentage amount of the time and love being around each other she's the only person i've ever met that i can be around all a lot and be totally cool and fine and besides ting over there and um that made me feel good because i was always worried about like in a long-term relationship what do you do when you yeah they're tired of each other yeah what do we do and she says that too she's like god i get so tired of so many people but you know not you so i that is always nice you know um our arguments that kind of keep that sort of rear their head would be like communication you know like just different

styles of communicating um like she won't tell me if she's upset about something oh that's tough um until it's like i'm really upset yeah yeah and i'm like i could have done something about this you know before so when you can sense someone's annoyed and you're like is everything okay and they say yes like you got to take them at their word but you feel uneasy she yeah doesn't so i that's the one thing that i'm always like can you please just communicate with me how you're feeling and then her annoyance with me would be having to tell me over and over again to do certain things yeah like but like mundane things like putting up dishes or uh picking out up after myself like

she hates feeling like she's nagging, but she feels like she doesn't have a choice because I'm not. She goes, a lot of things you'll listen and adjust to, but these certain things. But you will not pick up after yourself. I'm not a slob, but occasionally I'm just so busy that I put something down and like I'll get to it

like that night or whatever but she like it's not on her timeline yeah she's like that's tough why don't you just take it with you you're going up there anyway you know what I mean it's so it's not like major major things and people's brains work differently like you I sometimes just don't see the mess that is right like but I'm not like a disaster is all over our house. It's not to that extreme. Because she's cleaning it up. That is true too. And a lot of that falls on her so it's more

annoying because she's like I just spent four hours vacuuming and cleaning and you can't. What the hell are you doing in there? No it's just I'm in a war. Four hours vacuuming. But she's a clean freak also and i'm not to that level so yeah we'll never see eye to eye on the clean part because to me i'm like our house is spotless yeah yeah and she's just seeing the flaws and stuff in it and then and

like you know she has sensitivity to sound and like i'll if i'm talking at this level she's like stop yelling and i'm like that's not i'm not yelling that's not yelling yeah so we kind of have different you get in her face and you're like i'll show you yelling i'm not a yeller but the sensitivity to the sound makes her feel that way so yeah we can never quite uh come to a common ground on decibels in fights either. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. You got to just text it. Text it out.

Sit in the same room and text it. In caps. Yeah. But we are pretty good about like she needs someone in a fight to let it go kind of instead of escalating it with her. If I were to escalate it with her it would be a like big fight but a lot of times um she'll be like i'm going to the room i'm like okay i'm not like come out of the room you know what i mean but if i were aggressive and like we gotta fake you know she wouldn't like that yeah but i just let her like no no but we gotta, you know, she wouldn't like that. But I just let her. No, no, no, but we gotta get to the bottom of this.

We gotta fix it. I go, okay. I would prefer her go away, calm, you know, get a break from me, because I'm sure I'm being annoying too. And like, instead of like, we gotta do that. I think we, maybe it was on our live show we talked about this,

but that's like my big advice that someone gave me that I was, I'm like, that never go to bed angry thing i don't think that's true i think sometimes you gotta stand up right now yes you gotta sleep you gotta i'm like yes sleep it off yeah man yeah yeah i'm like why do we want to fight till four in the morning yeah it's because when we wake up it won't feel as big yeah and Yeah, and you'll be like, maybe I'm a predator. Maybe I'm an otter is a prey, and I can concede that. I was just saying to Stephanie today or yesterday when we were having our morning coffee,

I was like, she had told me something about a friend of ours and their family and some dynamic and weird thing that happened and and i was like it is so insane when you think about all of the houses in the neighborhood yeah but if you take the roof off and you look in the air at the aerial view and like get out of here and then you move to the next house and it's house you know all the different like somebody throwing a shoe at someone but you put the roof on it's just quiet but

because when she was telling me this story I was like what happened she was like yeah and I was like that is because you would drive past their house and it just seemed quiet take the roof off well I mean fighting is That is because you would drive past their house and it just seemed quiet. Yeah. Take the roof off.

Well, I mean, fighting is inevitable in the healthiest of relationships. Not in Mae's life. Well, yeah, but that will it will happen in time. Don't say that. But also not all fighting is bad. Sometimes our best communication happens right after a fight because she's finally revealed to me yeah what was bothering her you know what i mean and i had to get to that fight to find out that information you have makeup sex you could yeah yeah sure well that's supposed to happen yes the whole like

staying in communication and don't like create that separation. It's hard. I feel like Glennon and Abby are experts or at least they maybe they just seem so wise and they're so open about that. We're like Esther Perel. There's no world where where they don't fight. Yeah. Esther Perel. I mean, it's just it's not it's not realistic.

Can you imagine how annoying it would be to have an argument with Esther Perel? Because she would just be like, okay. Like she'd be so infuriatingly calm and she would be smarter than you. You know she's my dream girl. She's so sexy. My celebrity crush. Yeah, yeah. A hundred percent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it would be so, you couldn't win an argument against her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I typically like Stephanie Esther Perel or I like an exhausted housewife look oh my god oh my god I don't even know if you describe her that way that's not that's not

Stephanie or Esther I I said that one time and I I never I've never stopped saying it so I was like what is your type I like, I like an exhausted housewife. Somebody that opens the door and they're like, I've been vacuuming for four hours to clean up after a fortune. How can I help you? But yeah, I feel like I have a hard time fully moving on in the moment yeah but i always as upset or angry as i am in a moment i am also struggling to not laugh seriously yeah yeah you laugh a lot at the end of fights yeah really when stephanie and i are in it like, okay, I can't look at her because I'm going to start laughing.

Even though I don't know what that says about me psychologically. I love that. And we also have this pattern when we'll give each other space. As soon as somebody walks in the room, it is all over. And then you're laughing? We start laughing. Yeah, because you're laughing we start laughing or like because you're remembering like what you were yeah yeah like the other day she was cleaning out her closet and she piled some things on the um couch and she was saying that she wanted to take those things

over to the office over here because she doesn't wear it a lot and um so that pile was sitting there and our cats all got on that pile of clothes and um and so i was upstairs she was downstairs and we had had our little rift and then wait what was the rift about the the pile no no no it was completely unrelated and uh and something she would not want me to share. This is where we tell all our relationship secrets. But I started laughing when I saw all the cats sleeping on this pile of like really nice clothes, like gowns and nice coats. Yeah. And so I took a picture of all the cats sleeping on that and I texted it to her after us not talking for like an hour

and I said is this all the stuff going over to the office and I knew that would make her laugh when she saw all the cats on there and then she just wrote back no but that was her thing too

like I'll crack a joke and she'll be like whatever But that was her thing too. Jax is like similar like that. Like I'll crack a joke and she'll be like, whatever meanie. And like, I know like she's fine. Yeah. Yeah. I would say even though this isn't like a really intense argument, but it is in the way that it will not go away. Is the temperature in our house.

I can't believe this. That you two are at such opposite ends. It is. She wants it so hot and you want it cold. Yeah, well, freezer though. Like well, I typically, especially when I'm sleeping, more comfortable when it's cold.

Me too, me too. I like it freezing. And then when I'm in full-blown menopause, I'm dripping in sweat. But the temperature that you told me that she likes it at is outrageous. Yeah, what was it, 78? I mean, I think she would be thrilled

if it was 80 degrees in our house. Really? That is very odd. I've brought that up with her, I think. With Stephanie? Yeah. Do we need to have an intervention? Like, that is crazy.

Oh, don't do that. Oh, no. No, she laughs so hard. Yeah. We were all talking about this fight that you and Tig had. Don't people love that? But Jax is always like, what did you say about me on the podcast this week?

I'm like, sorry. I know. Every now and then Stephanie will be like, I need to listen to that show. People keep saying whatever. Really specific. Yeah. But it is really a point of contention.

It is not casual. You're going to have to get your own wing of the house. I know. Well, somebody mentioned that we could get a bed that has different temperatures. Yeah, like a sleep number kind of bed. Yeah. Maybe we'll get sponsorship.

Yeah, maybe sleep number. Get a water bed and divide it in two and freeze. And your side is frozen into ice and it slowly melts hers is boiling hers is boiling and it slowly warms your ice and your ice cools her boiling okay yeah get on that come on to summer yeah oh my god water beds that was huge i never still slept on a waterbed. You are missing out. It's so stupid. That seems like insane now.

Yeah. It's so funny because in the 80s, it was like, if you said waterbed, it was like sexy. You're like, that's so cool. Whoa, that's hot. Which sloshing around. Yeah, like you don't want,

you want to get purchased surely oh my god did you say surely sorry i called you surely i don't know why yeah well if you're gonna have a point of contention i mean thank god it's something like that because thank you if it was a giant point of contention yeah like one of you hard to like reconcile like say a couple like one person wanted kids one person didn't or one's like evangelical significant yeah one's trump one's biden or so at least it's like that's something that it's more annoying than anything but it can be like and just to be clear we have certainly had our massive rough patches in our relationship. We're not just like, brr, I'm cold. No, we're so hot.

But that is one that doesn't go away. It does not go away. It's near daily. It's like. Yeah. I mean, we've certainly had, you know, big blowups and whatnot. But luckily, at some point, you know, one of us gives or both of us gives uh because at the end of the day you're like is this worth yeah just like and how good are you at giving in um i think we're

both fairly like no one's really digging the heels in super crazy in our relationship yeah i was definitely the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it's like we really like each other. We really respect each other. And we like spending time with each other. So our foundation is super solid.

You're talking about us, right? Yeah, you and me, bud. Our foundation is so solid that it helps so much when those bigger fights come up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, should we hear what Glennon has to say? I totally forgot that we needed Glennon's answer.

I was so caught up in our issues. Okay. Here's the situation, the friction point for Abby and me. Abby speaks way too loudly all the time. So loud. So loud. And also she can't hear. Probably because she's always speaking so loud. So she thinks that I don't speak loudly enough and I think that she just cannot hear. Okay. It's kind of like our ongoing situation where Abby thinks that I am irritable and I think that she is irritating and we can't decide which is correct. That's funny.

That's really funny. I think we all know. One time, Tig came to my home. Oh, here we go. Only once. Never again, and I'll tell you why. I'm sitting there telling a story on my couch. And Tig is so interested in my story that Tig is leaning forward towards me and more

forward towards me and I'm like oh my god I'm such a good storyteller Tig is so into this and so finally Tig is leaning so far forward that I kind of look at Tig and I pause and Tig goes why are you whispering really do you remember that do you remember that no and that was the best moment of Abby's life that's hilarious that's really good that is so funny I hope that you can hear this. We heard you. Again, very funny. She's very funny. That is really funny.

Shit, so you were team Abby in that argument. I mean, I didn't even know I was caught in the middle of this. And wait, when Glennon says, and I won't come over again, does that mean because she won't let me come over again? I think so. She's implying that you aren't coming me come over again she's she's implying that you aren't coming over no i think she's implying that after tig betrayed her oh really aligning with abby well we'll never know because i'm not talking to her again after again yeah but that is funny that she brought up decibels but here's the thing is i do kind of have a problem

hearing well i same yeah i don't have the best hearing really and so it made me realize that another annoyance that jacks has of me is she thinks i don't listen to her um and part of it is i can't hear because she does my jack speaks softly as well and i oftentimes i i didn't hear her say the thing i really want to go to to Glennon's house and for her be like, Abby, can you talk a little quieter? It's like I want to go and take one for the team. What is your issue here, Abby? Relax.

But yeah, that would be a similar thing for us. Jack sings, I'm not listening. I can't hear her. Yeah. Well, Glennon, thank you so much for stirring all this up i mean oh my gosh i can't wait till abby's on the i i didn't know that abby was loud but i guess i haven't only i've only really heard abby in like a interview i've met abby and glennon but maybe it's that sports thing i'm like yeah yeah right right on let's go come and glennon but maybe it's that sports thing of like yeah yeah right

right on let's go come on glennon it's dinner time when they record the podcast abby's 30 feet away from the mic it's a really to people and it's there's no middle person it's you know yeah get involved and it's cool to see them bringing their worlds together her her expertise and abby's sports world and they bring like a lot of interesting perspectives on things and her sister am Amanda is so great on the show. She's so smart, so funny too. What a podcast. What a podcast.

Yeah. Do you guys have anything to plug? Thank you for listening, continuing to listen to Handsome. Subscribe. Subscribe and share it with your pals and spread the word yeah i mean if you like glenn and doyle and you like handsome pod send this episode yeah come on yeah why are you holding back that's right but we appreciate all the people who

have been listening uh so fun to go on our Instagram page And see all the comments And all the love that you guys Are giving the pod And thank you again to the person that knitted Guacamole and Avocado Bear Jeez Louise I don't know if that's her name And thank you for that thing that's in the bag

That I haven't opened yet Is that curly something? I don't know I guess all that remains Oh what remains? Let's keep it handsome It said curly something. Yeah. I don't know. So. I guess all that remains. Oh, what remains? Let's keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast!