Handsome - Hayley Kiyoko asks about Victorian love stories

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

The incredible Hayley Kiyoko asks a question about queer love stories on today's episode of Handsome! Plus a recap of Ginger's birthday party, Handsome facelifts, and a mantra for Mae! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Chatting to friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting to friends on the Handsome Pot. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pot. It's your dear, dear friend Tignotaro sitting here with my two very handsome co-host. I'm Fortune Feemster. And I'm May Martin. Yay.

Yeah. Yeah. We're drinking our coffee, May. Yeah, we are, girl. I'm drinking my water. I forgot. A lovely fan made me this coffee mug, and look what it says. It says Cooter on it.

It does say Cooter. That is awesome. What does that say? Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie. Oh, boy. That is a real nice mug. It's a handsome listener who made this herself.

That's really nice. She didn't find it in a store? Good one. What do you call it when you make stuff out of pottery, with pottery? Pottery. Yeah, pottery, yeah. Ceramics? No, but is there a word for it?

Pottery? No, not throw it. You turn it. You turn it. And then you... Smack it. Fliv it. Rub it down.

Oh, no. And then you drop it like it's hot. Yeah. You do. You got to drop it like it's hot. At some point, I'm going to put some stuff on my wall here that some of our lovely handsome listeners that, you know, give us. various things at times that they make.

And I want to have a little thing here at some point. A handsome wall? Yeah. That will fill up fast. I have like from touring in these meet and greets, I have like a suitcase full of these magical items people are giving me and like handmade, amazing things. And I'm scared to ever get rid of them. So I think when I have.

Scared. Because of the magic that comes with them? Yeah. Like. Oh. Because people are. person was like, this is a key that I found when I was seven and it's like so spiritually powerful or someone gave me like voodoo things from a voodoo priestess.

Voodoo things. One person gave me a necklace made from a possum's tooth and they go, oh yeah, we made it, we harvested it today. I was like, what do you mean? How did you get the possum? And they were like, I don't know. I don't know if they're scouring for roadkill or what. You have interesting fans on your side.

Hey, we have interesting fans. This is our fans. Yeah, but none of those particular fans are coming to me with a possum tooth. Yeah. They're just bringing their cooters directly to fortune. It is funny how people respond to us differently based on our own personality. Yeah. Yeah.

I think all of May's stuff is directly tied to the kinks. Do you know? Or the animals. Yeah, or just mysticism. And I don't have to like open a museum or something after this point. For sure, you'll have to. That was going to be my next suggestion was the museum. Well, I did, someone was like, where are you going to keep it all?

And I said, well, I might have to build like a shed or something. Definitely build a shed. That would be the museum. Would you build it on your own? Oh, that would be cool. Oh, the three of us could do. The three of us could build your shed, put it on the list. I was put it in the list, but just know I am so not handy.

Well, fortune, you can do, you can trim the bushes with your weed whacker or whatever. That's right. Tick gave me that for our holiday show that, though, we did Holly bulbs. How much have you used it? I actually, I wish I had it with me yesterday because I was at my old house. were about to sell it and I needed a to trim the tree. Okay. And I had to use this like hand trimmer.

And I thought about how much I desperately wish to have your, what do you call it? Weed. Weed wacker. It's not a weed wacker, but it's a hand weed. Yeah, like, yeah, I don't know what it's called. It's like a lot of saw. Yeah. Hedge trimmer.

That's it. Hedge trimmer. Thank you. Yeah. Weed saw. is the, you know, slang term. Yeah. But I wanted it so bad because that would have taken me.

What took me an hour took, would have taken me five minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you should travel with it in your trunk. I should, yeah. Yeah. You never know. Whenever I see anything that needs trimming, it would pop out of my car.

Oh, my God. You can give haircuts with it. Yeah. Yeah. You go first. I've been cutting my own hair on tour, And I had to host the, or had to, I hosted the Juno's like two nights ago. How'd it go?

Girls, it was crazy. Girl, tell us. Tell us. I was in an arena. And I don't know. I was actually less nervous than I thought, but it was wild. Like Joni Mitchell, I met Joni Mitchell. Oh, that's awesome.

I met Sarah McLaughlin. I was like real fan energy. Yeah. And I think that's, I think that was nice. And I felt really grateful and patriotic to be in Canada. To be a Canadian. Yeah, like I did. Because I flew from Philadelphia from tour and airport was full of ice agents.

And then like landing in Canada was like, whoof. Yeah. Crazy. I haven't seen ice agents up close like that. And they're like caricatures of those. Just like chest puffed out and just like, okay, let's keep a move. I was like, oh, man. trying to make eye contact crazy.

But the award show was crazy, and I wore a nice suit, and I got my dad involved and his puppy. Yeah. What do you mean? How was your dad involved? Well, I had this joke where I said, I'm so excited. My parents are here, and then the cameras cut to Joni Mitchell and the prime minister. As though those are your parents? Yeah.

Oh, okay. No one had briefed Johnny Mitchell on this joke, and she just looked dead. She's just like, what? All the better. I wonder if he knows I'm not their mom. Yeah, and the prime minister had to like nudge her and be like, this is about us. And then so later on, I was like, oh, yeah, that's prime minister Mark Carney. He's not my real dad, but my real dad is here.

And he brought his puppet that used to teach me math. And then so my dad's puppet was in it. And it was really nice. His puppet used to teach you math? Yeah, Zoltan, the beast from hell. Yeah. The beast from hell. Yeah, yeah.

I saw you got your, it's been. Yeah, I did. It's been. And how did it go? Wait, wait, wait, wait, explain it. Tell me. Tied up. Well, so, you know, I mentioned on the podcast my joke about Yel's win.

Yeah. And I've noticed, like, on tour, people are yelling at in the crowd. Like, it's really taken off. And so I said it's just nice to be back in a country where people know what I mean when I say, yeah, it's win. And thank God it went well because I was pinning all my hopes on that joke. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah.

I love it. Your suit looked nice. Thanks, man. Look like you had a couple suits, right? Yeah, I had one for the red carpet that looked a little prime ministery, like a little... Oh. I just didn't... I forgot that all the musicians are so stylish and edgy, and like... Mm-hmm. It was a very classic suit, so then I had a kind of a more like... That one looked that edgy?

Not, I mean, not edgy, but, you know, sexy, pinkie? Like, the stylist and everyone is like, oh, the future. of menswear is like embracing the feminine like a lot of these hot men like paul mescal and they're wearing these kind of feminine suits and I'm like oh for fuck sake like can't like I like I just want to wear classic men's wear because when I wear a femme suit people are like oh few that's a girl and I'm like no I'm I'm trying to get away from that exactly yeah funny but it was really fun and I afterwards I had 20 nuggets I went to bed I ate 20 chicken nuggets and then I went went straight from Mickey D's.

And you were counting them. Well, a box of 20. Polished away. Oh, oh, oh. Oh. One. I know.

That's so interesting. That's a lot of nuggets. It's a lot. A lot of nuggets. Yeah. That's a good amount of nuggets. I was too nervous to eat. Are you a sauce person?

Oh, hell. Yeah. I'm a sauce gal. What are the sauce flavors that you're into? Yeah, Fortune. What are your picks? Well, every place has a sauce. that I like and that it's not all the same,

but if I'm going nugs at McDonald's, it's definitely barbecue sauce. Yeah, nugs. Nugs. Nugs. I'm definitely going barbecue sauce at Mickey D's. Yeah, I'm going hot mustard or, and barbecue. And, yeah, it was embarrassing.

Like, after the show, they're like, no, no, no. No, no. Not on your nugs. Okay, okay. My apologies for suggesting such a thing. Yeah, they were like, what can we get you? They had like champagne and stuff. And I was like, I would love 20 nuggets.

And they were like, oh, we'll see if the kitchen can. I was like, no, no, from McDonald's, please. And then I passed out. And then last night I- From the nuggets? Probably, yeah. And last night I got to sleep in my parents' basement. That was really nice.

they have a Murphy bed down there. I got to sleep in my parents. I got to host the Juno Awards. I had to host the Juno Awards. And then I slept in a Murphy bed in a basement of my parents' home. And then I got to sleep in the basement. Bring you back down to Earth after being. What a week you had, bud.

Dude, what a month. I realized I haven't had a home-cooked meal in a month. So my dad made like roast chicken. potatoes and brock and then i slept like a baby yeah brock nugs is then brock nugs and brock yeah that is so funny oh so you just need a little tlc yeah then tonight is aside from saying your beautiful faces this is my first day off and i girls i'm having a spa night in my hotel room girl what are you doing i got bath salts i got Yes.

Oh, it's your own little private spot. You don't have someone coming in, you know, slapping you, rubbing you, pinching you. That would be nice. I wouldn't mind getting slapped and rubbed. No, I got all the gear in this nice bathtub here, and I'm going to just like, I got my paints. I'm going to paint. What hotel are you in? I'm not the Shangri-a.

Oh, I should leave a note. Yeah. Yeah, of course you should. Oh, I'm in room 716. 716. There's a painting of a penguin that is... Oh, yes, got to. That seems perfect.

Begging to have something hidden in it. It looks like a nice room. Oh, it's so... I'm so happy to be off the bus, yeah. I'm so glad you're going to have bath salts and a... Do you have a bath bomb? No, just... Good question, fortune.

Thank you. They sell them at the, um... What's the drugstore there? Shoppers drug mart. Shoppers drug mart. Shout out. They have... You can actually get a package of...

bath bombs for only like six bucks. Oh, God, I love Canada. I'm sure you can get that in America too. It's in the Epson Salt Bath area. Okay. Yeah, I'll check it out. How are you guys? What's going on?

You're back from the South, Fortune? I'm back for a minute and then I start my tour this week. That's coming back up. And then I'm going to take a little trip to Amsterdam. Nice. I'm doing a little show, but I also have some like work stuff I got to do. And then also a couple days of just lollygagging around. Work stuff in Amsterdam?

Yeah. And did you finish your movie? I did. I'm done with that. And so now it's all touring again. Cool. Amsterdam, the art galleries there are so good. Would you ever smoke a joint there in Amsterdam, fortune?

I'm not, I mean, I would. if it made sense, but I probably won't. What do you mean if it made sense? Yeah, what does it? I mean, it's like, well, it doesn't make sense to smoke drugs right now. I don't know. Like, I was in a cafe and it was like, I don't know, the opportunity presented itself in a safe way.

Yeah, an organic. Not like a stranger handing me a joint, but it's not really my thing. So more than likely I will not be doing that. Okay. No. And is Ginger coming? No, no. She will not be there.

She might be coming to the, I have to go back to Europe for a run of shows, the end of May, early June, and she might be coming to a few of those cities. That'll be fun. But we did just have her 80th birthday party. Girl dish. Dish. Dish. What's the gosh? Oh, my God.

She is so happy. It went as good as she said she hoped it would. She said it's the best party ever. Oh, man. What food did you have? Oh, it was so. Nugs and Brock? It was such an old lady, southern old lady menu.

Right. It was not for me, but she loved it. It was egg salad sandwiches and pimento cheese sandwiches. Of course. Broccoli salad. Brock salad. salad, potato salad, fruit, and ham biscuits. And then at the end, she got worried that there was...

What do you mean? What is that? It's ham and a biscuit. Oh, you know, like a biscuit, but not the cookie. Like a scone almost. Well, you know what a southern biscuit is, right? I feel like we've talked about this and I've tried to understand. Someone's calling your room.

Somebody is calling the landline in my own. office. You have a little... I could not think that someone's house had a landline. Yeah, and it says spam risk. And Stephanie makes fun of me because I'm always like, hmm, spam risk. Hello? But, yeah, we have a landline so our kids can call if there's an emergency.

Oh, okay. Or if somebody wants to spam us. I thought it was for sure May's room saying that. It had bath bombs. No, it was me. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking the rules for that new board game before you get started.

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It's like, I don't know how to describe them. I love when May seems like an alien. It's a breakfast food that, you know, like we eat biscuits and gravy. like a dense bread. I don't know why you're rebelling so much on the scones thing. To me, very similar, no? But not, I guess, yeah, like a savory scone. Yeah, yeah.

But plain. And then it has ham in it. Cooked into it or like that makes sense. Just placed into it. Placed into it. With like some mustard. And then she was worried there wouldn't be enough food. And I also was like, what the fuck is this menu?

Because this was dinner. time too. This seems like a ladies luncheon in the South. This is dinner time. And so she added nugs. No way. She added nugs at the end, which was the only food I was into. From McDonald's? No, just

from the caterer, but I was like, what is this food? This is so weird. And she was like, the food was amazing. And I was like, great. Because all that matters is that she was happy. Right. Yeah. And all her old friends also loved it.

And then my brothers and I threw the party together. So they were very, it was cute. The three of us were just kind of going around talking to all her friends for the whole time. Old friends, as you said earlier. Well, any friends, some happen to be old. And then we had like a ton of family come. Nice. Like almost 20 cousins and from all over came.

like we hadn't all been together since I was probably like 12 so that was really cool. 80 is a big deal. That's. Yeah. And you know. And with her being sick, I think, you know, people were just like, this is a rare opportunity for everyone to be together. Yeah.

And we should. Tell her you love her. Yeah. Because, you know, a lot of times people don't gather like that until someone's actually like at a funeral. Yeah. And what a treat to get to like have everyone together. while you're alive.

And how is she feeling at the party? So she was a little tired that day. She had to sit down at different times because she said she was having dizzy spells. But people just came up to her and chatted with her. And she took a lot of pictures and she had on her cute yellow dress. Nice. I think she's still beaming about it. She just said she had the best time.

That's awesome. Yeah. Joni Mitchell's speech was so hilarious. and she's, yeah, she's like 80. And so she said in her speech, just the one thing I liked was she goes, she's like, I had an aneurism 11 years ago. It was the best thing that ever happened to me

because she goes, I always lived with men or I toured with men or I lived with boyfriends and stuff. And she's like, now I live with all these nurses. I live in a house full of women. And she goes, I am happy, happy, happy, happy. She said happy like 12 times. Yeah, I just love it.

She's like, I love living with women now. It was awesome. Yeah. Women are the best. Yeah. The best. Yeah. I like women.

Yeah. There's some rotten ones out there, but I like women. We're all just like, we like women. There's some rotten ones out there. But in general. Yeah, bring back the matriarchy. That's what we're all. yearning for.

I've told you, I've told y'all many times, even though y'all've never watched this show, which is, hurts my heart, but my dream is like a golden girl situation. Yeah. Whereas just a bunch of women in the house

living together in our old age, eating cheesecake. I mean, preferably I'm sleeping with one of those women, you know. So you don't want, you don't want to. Maybe you could hang out with your mom's old friends. Yeah.

I'm not ready for it. I'm talking about down the road. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, as you know, I've hit that age where I can start moving on into that world. Yeah. You can get your senior drink and you can move into retirement community. That's right.

I didn't go get my senior drink. I need to. Yeah, you do. Have you had your eye thing yet? What's going on? No, my, what's happening with your eye? Yeah. Is it closing right now?

No. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, pogo. Yeah.

It's, it's been delayed because another doctor wants to look at it because this particular condition that I have might be directly related to it. Oh. So they just want to like check things out and be a little more thorough. Okay. I think I want to get a face left. Are you serious? No.

You were too young. for that. No, I was actually going to suggest it. It's so interesting that it came to you. May, what are you talking about? Little Cowboy. I think I just from maybe I'm just tired, but like I catch sight of myself. I got what they call Techneck, which is like from looking at your phone, you get like creases in your neck. And I'm like, maybe I'll just get a little, no, not. You're not ready for that. And certainly don't stop looking down. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. What I could. Get a facelift. Surgical procedure. Yeah. Yeah.

But maybe all three of us could get one one day and then recover together. And we could podcast from. Put it on the list, Thomas. Face lifts together. What? Oh, my Lord. That is not where I thought the handsome pod was going. Listen, I see pictures of myself or on camera where I'm like,

good lord yeah good lord times moving on but you know what about to start with like lasers right now aren't lasers supposed to tighten stuff up yeah i don't know i like i i've heard that in the old days actresses or actors would just tape they'd put tape under their hair line just to pull that's it why don't do that oh i was talking to an actress yeah i was talking to an actress at um at one of the Oscar parties, and she goes, oops. And I was like, one, she goes, oh, my tape, my neck tape just, or some tape. There was, I don't know what it was doing. But I had never heard of that.

But she had that. And it, like, popped or something. And, like, she had to adjust that. That's unfortunate. Yeah, I didn't. I was, I had not heard of that. Like, imagine if you were accepting an award or something and the tape popped, speech and you're like, oh boy.

I have a fantasy of like, I always think about when people get a Charlie horse, you know, in their leg. And I thought it'd be funny. Like if you're running up to get your Oscar or something and then a Charlie horse kicks in while you're going up the stairs, you're like, ow! I get those quite a bit. I feel like I'm too tired or something. That's dehydration too.

Oh, is it? I feel like I drink a lot of water, but. A little bit more. Sometimes I'll be in bed in the morning and I'll like stretch and it will like hit my leg. And I'm like, ugh. Yes, sir. It's the worst. Oh, so painful.

Guys, oh, go ahead. I was just going to say that the Juno's was live. It was live. I've never done that. And so I was really worried something would happen live. And then the only thing that happened was Nellie Furtado's earring fell off when she was accepting an award. And she was so smooth about it. It just fell off.

onto her shoulder and then she was like anyone need an earring and then just kept like it was really good completely seamless she was so awesome they did a nelly she's inducted into the Canadian Hall of Fame so they did like the montage of like all these different performers singing her hits and you just forget like how many hits she got some bangers yeah do you know her personally because I know she did the podcast yeah she did the question and then yeah when I saw her in the audience we did a little where I was like, can I remake promiscuous girl into promiscuous they, them, or something? She was like, she seemed like we were old friends. She was like, oh, my God, hi.

And then she said, I'm so nervous. And then when I asked her that, she was like, yeah, that's hot. Let's do it. She was so nice. Yeah. She was crying during when everyone was doing her songs. I bet. That's so cool.

What a nice person. Her daughter was there. Oh, I love that. She's got some jams for sure. Yeah. Girl, you know you act so tough, tough, tough, and I turn off the lights. You remember that? I don't.

Wow, that was that pause was. It's been. Yeah, it's win. Well, I just, well, I was going to say I won't be in Toronto as much anymore because Starfleet Academy was canceled. Oh, no. What? When did you hear that? Gosh, when did I hear that?

Maybe a week and a half ago, something like that. that sucks It's okay I mean I feel bad for the crew And and you know The cast there's a lot of Actors that hadn't worked before And so we filmed two seasons

They aired the first season Then they announced that they were canceling it But then they're going to still air the second season Oh good Yeah Oh that's it You had a good run? How many seasons was it? Well, it's just two.

Oh, for some reason I was thinking it was several more than that. Well, I was on Star Trek Discovery before that's what it was. So the new show was canceled right after the first season. So no Toronto for a bit. I mean, no Toronto for TV. I mean, I'm a free agent now. Huh? Maybe Toronto for fun?

Maybe Toronto for fun. Toronto definitely for stand-up. Yeah. But I will not be going back and forth. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I loved going out there to work. But, you know, maybe my next gig will be in Los Angeles.

Oh, that would be nice too. Yeah. It's a fat chance, but wouldn't that be nice? I will, well, I just filmed two things back to back in L.A. It was unbelievable. Yeah, that's really, really nice. I get to be in my own bed and jogging. myself to work. It was amazing.

Like there is something nice about being away from home in a little bubble where you're making something. But then increasingly I'm like, I don't know that I need that anymore. It's hard. It's hard to be away for that long because especially Toronto is so far from L.A. and also like being in another country, there's just certain like errands you aren't able to do because you're not a citizen. Oh, right, right. I just like to go to shopper's drug mart. Oh yeah, the bank.

You can't go to the bank. I haven't touched cash in a few years. What? I don't know what to say to that. What do you mean in a few years? You don't have any money in your pocket ever? No. What about?

For the emmo. Tipping valet. Yeah, Venmo. They all take Venmo. But what about if for the apocalypse, you should have some cash stored. I have some cash. I just haven't touched. It haven't touched it. You open your wallet and you're like grab, just grab something.

Well, it's just like my credit cards on my phone, you know, like I just, Venmo people. I just haven't touched cash in a long time. Which is great for a germaphobe. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. My dad gave me $500 cash today. And it was like, why? Exactly. So it was because they have a book that's come out, my parents. And, and, and, They were like, we want to send the book to people. And you know, it was like, their logic was like, we got to send it to people in America, but we don't have an Amazon American account.

We want you to send it from your American. And I was like, there's a way to do this, guys. Like we can let me in there. I can do it on your account. You can still send stuff to America, but they were like, no, it won't work. They were like, we'd rather give you the cash. And it was this whole convoluted process.

I understand that nervousness of, international God only knows if yeah I mean your parents are getting up there maybe I mean but they're not terribly old but I'm like 70

and my mom's going to Paris today to do to look in some there's such history buffs she's looking in some archives because she wants to write about this person and she's going with her friend who's 72 or something this woman's such a badass she's going for three months to Paris this woman

Barb. She's only bringing a backpack, guys. Classic Barb. Canadian Barb. She's going to have to wash her ponties. Yeah, she is. Yeah. In the coffee maker. That's so gross. Let's not get people doing that. No. Well, best luck to Barb on her travels. Barb has an amazing time. Yes, we love Barb.

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Wayday. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Fortune. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk about our spring travel plans. Well, we're both on tour, and when I'm on tour, I tend to not think about booking additional travel, except here's an idea that that I had. What if we make the handsome wellness weekend we've been talking about into a staycation and book a home on Airbnb? Oh, I love that idea. Okay, that's good. What are we going to need? Obviously, we're going to need outdoor space for meditating. I feel like we need a pool to tread water in. And don't forget a hot tub that's big enough for the three of us. And it's got to be a deep one too, all right? None of that shallow stuff. And inside the house may be like a nice

kitchen so we can make some smoothies. Okay, this is going to be amazing. I'm going to start looking on Airbnb right away. Well, I'll see in the tub, my friend, with a green juice in hand. We're going to find the perfect spot on Airbnb. Cheers. Well, should we get to our question? Yeah. Let's do it. Today's question asker is a singer-songwriter, a writer, an actor, an LGBT advocate. Her novels, Girls Like Girls, and where there's room for us are New York Times bestsellers. She also directed the film adaptation of Girls Like Girls, which comes out this June. She does it all. Haley Kiyoko is asking today's question.

She's busy. Hey, handsome podcast. I'm so happy to be here. Okay, my question is, if you could take any classic Victorian love story and make it queer, which one would you do and why? And can we admit that the reason we haven't done this question yet, and we've had it in the bank for a while, is because none of us. No Victorian love stories.

We don't know Victorian love stories. I would assume that May would and maybe even second place fortune. Honestly, I don't know a lot. Although, is Wuthering Heights Victorian? Yeah. That just came out, the redo. Yeah. Like when I think about it, I just didn't know what's Victorian and what's not,

but Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, anything by Thomas Hardy. It's so funny. We were obsessed with those books and then thus eventually movies. They don't do a lot for me. Yeah, I've never been deep into period drama, love stories. Yeah. But actually, weirdly synchronistic, I am in the Juno's.

I did a shout out to my grade four music teacher, Carla Silver. And I was, I didn't think she'd ever see it. And then her daughter messaged me and was like, she saw this. And then my teacher emailed me. And you know, there's stuff that you don't remember. And in her email, she was like, am I right in remembering that the principal of the school was like trying to punish your grade seven class? And the punishment was you weren't allowed to go out at lunch and you had to watch Pride and Prejudice. And I've forgotten about that.

And it was just my principal's weirdly specific obsession. She loved Pride and Prejudice. And just wanted to watch it? Yeah, and that was her punishment. And we all. How wild that your teacher, have you talked to your teacher since she was your teacher? Not really. I think a couple emails, but she was my teacher and very influential. She cast me as Charlie Brown in grade four. Oh, nice. Which was very gender euphoric for me.

I was like, this is who I'm meant to be. This is it. Do you identify as Charlie Brown in ways? Yeah, well, I said in the Juneau's like, yeah, an existentially disturbed little boy. Yeah, definitely. You know, he's in love with peppermint Patty and he's just like always pining for someone and yeah. I played peppermint Patty in my fourth grade play. No way. I could see that. Of course I did. Your old T was. And you're a good man, Charlie Brown? I believe so. Yeah. I mean, I don't really remember very much, but I do remember. I was peppermint Patty, but it was, you know, it made sense that I was the character. However, I remember I had to wear a dress. Oh, no. Pepper and Patty had to wear dresses? It was a pink dress with sandals and then I wore a baseball cap. And I was like, this is not quite it.

I think you would have made it. It was as close as they could get in that time. Yeah, it was just like, we got to put all the girls in dresses. See, that was the benefit of, I went to an all-girls school until grade 9. So I got to play all the boys because I'd short hair. Yes. So that was good. I was the closest thing they had.

Of course, of course. Okay, Victorian love stories to make gay. I got to Google more Victorian love stories. I am a big Thomas Hardy fan, so Tessa of the Derbervilles is, I mean, that is really depressing. That's like... I don't know what that is. It's really heartbreaking. about a woman whose life is kind of ruined.

So I don't know if I want to inflict, I don't want to inflict that on queer characters. So maybe Jane Eyre, which is like a young governess, is looking after these kids. She's hired to look out to, it's kind of like sound of music. She's hired to look after these kids. And then everyone's like, don't go in that tower. You're not allowed to go in that one tower.

And I think she finds out that the wife of the boss man is locked in that tower because she went nuts. I think this question just made me realize how I'm aware of all these movies, but I don't know what any of them are about. Wait, is little women, is little women, that's, well, it's not really a little story. That's not really Victorian. Is Little Women Victorian? How's this episode going? It's the Victorian era. Well, pride and prejudice, the thing is, like, all these ones are so straight because they're about, like, you know,

marriage proposals. Yeah, like they're all about. Oh, well, that one British show kind of had that lady acting all. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. What was that? I know what you mean. It was like, gentlemen Jack.

It was this, like, cab. That's kind of a gay version of a Victorian love story. But did any gay stuff happen in that show? Oh, yeah. A lot of gay stuff. Yeah, it was about like a butch woman. See, I like that. See, that's what I can imagine then.

If you're going to turn a Victorian love story gay, then you're going to have the person in the tuxedo and the top hat, be the person that's being promised the wife. Right. But in our gay version treats. the wife really well. Right. Not just as a piece of property,

you know. So like in Jane Eyre, if it's like a sort of woman in a suit who locked her ex-wife in a tower, then it would be like, oh, actually she was into that.

Like it, then they all hook up or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go with pride and prejudice. You wouldn't have the more romance involved, like the soft touch and the mm-hmm. Like I don't want to have it always.

Nice act out. Like I don't want to have it be all like forbidden gay love. It's like I want to remake one of these words. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would be the, you would be the, the lesbian person would be the landowner. Yeah, that would be cool. And like the gentleman jag and like, you know. Like it's an alternate universe where that's just cool in Victorian times.

Yeah. Yeah, like there are women in this town who are also business people and well-to-do. And, you know, now has their lover who's also a lady. And no one thinks twice about it. Are there any like modern movies and stuff? Like I always wanted to make a queer stand by me with a bunch of little androgynous non-binary. Like I would love to see that. Imagine I want to play River Phoenix and Stand By Me.

so bad. I'd want to be in it too, just because growing up, I was Huckleberry Tigg, and it feels like I would really, really thrive in that environment. See, I think you would be... I think I'd be more like chunk and goonies. You'd be great in any of those movies. That's the Truffle Shuffle. And Tig, you could be the kind of rebellious Corey Feldman character in Stand By Me, who's like, my dad's storm the beach in Normandy. I'll be honest. I haven't seen the movie, but I do know that, you know, they get leeches on them and stuff. And I got leeches on me as a kid. Did you? I did. I was playing in a sewage ditch, of course, like little girls do. Disgusting. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. When you pull them off, did they stick or are they pretty easy to pull off?

I don't have a great memory of it. I just remember when I, surfaced, my leg surfaced, I was like, what the hell is this? Like, I was so confused, because I was only nine, you know? Yeah. And I don't remember how they got off of me, but I'll never forget Thomas's face right now. Yeah, Thomas is really struggling with I got leeches too when I was a kid and I just have like a visceral memory of my dad, like trying to get them off of me. Yeah, I don't, I really don't remember how, how'd you get leeches on you? A ditch. Yeah.

Yeah. Boy, did we wander off from our question. But you got to watch it. Just because none of us know Victorian love stories. You should see, you should see stand by me.

Can we put that on our wellness weekend? Can we all watch that? Yeah. I haven't seen that since all the kids, so sure. I think it's flawless. Whatever gets me out of Pilates, am I right? Do you go to Pilates? No, for a wellness weekend, I felt like you're going to make me do something like that.

I'm not going to have you do Pilates. We're just going to meditate and watch a sunrise and eat healthy food and listen to vinyl and journal and hold hands. Oh, the vinyl part is very cool. That's really cool. Do you meditate, guys? We've talked about this before, but do you? I do. Are you currently?

Yeah, I meditate in the morning for 20 minutes. I've wanted to incorporate a second meditation in my day, but I'm the person with a terrible excuse of like, I'm so busy. But what the surprising thing about meditation is, is it actually creates more time in your day. Oh. Well, because it just settles you and makes you able to tackle the day more efficiently. Yeah, and you kind of become more aware of your time. and what you're doing. And I don't know.

It's kind of, it's an odd thing that I'm aware of. And when I was doing a twice a day practice, I was like, I totally have time for this. Yeah, like even five minutes. I did, I tried the other day. I did five minutes. And my problem is that I want to sleep. Like as soon as my nervous system relaxes,

and I realize it hasn't for like 10 years or something, then I'm just like, And I can't. Do you have a mantra? No, I want you to give me one. Okay. I want you to give me one. Maybe we could ask our listeners to submit mantras.

Yeah. And you can choose a mantra. I have a good chair. I have a perfect chair for meditating. I just need to sit down in it and do it. Is it a massage chair? No, it's an ear. It's one of those Eames chairs.

What is that? What's Eames? I'll show you. You'll know what I'm talking about. I want one of those chairs. It's just fabric that hangs from the ceiling, and it's like a little cocoon. That'd be nice. I feel like my hips would break.

Right. But anyway. Or it's this. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's like you go visit your therapist type chair. Yeah. One of those.

That looks nice. Yeah. That's a great chair for meditation, and I just haven't. And are you interested in meditation? What else can we talk about to get away from the Victorian love stories? I can't believe you don't have a Victorian love story right off the dome. I said pride and prejudice. I'd do that one.

Yeah, but do you even know what it's about? No more questions. You don't even know what it's about. We literally don't know what one of these stories is about. But I think that we're not. I think that we weren't. I think that we weren't probably like into those because it was so antiquated. Yeah.

You know. And we're not smart enough, right guys? And that too. I think that's why Haley Kiyoko is interested in like retelling. Reimagining it. Yeah. In a way we can relate to. Yeah, that's cool.

I could, that's why I brought up little women. I could, but they're all sisters. So what a bummer. But I could relate to a houseful of women reading books. Yeah, that's true. And one of them shuns the boy because she's not interested. I mean, I'm into that. I always related to like the little boy characters in Charles Dickens,

like great expectations or Oliver Twist. Like I was, when I'd go see plays or something of those, I'd be like, put me in there, Coach. Let me be that all over twist. I'm ready to play. Today. I love John Fogarty. I could see, y'all, I could see both of y'all playing one of these Victorian people in the Texas in a movie. Why not you?

Yeah, what about you? I could see the little bonnet. You want to be a pretty little lady? I want to be the damsel in distress. Okay, so we'll do Pride and Prejudice. And Fortune is the daughter. Yeah. And I am the charming life.

Mr. Darcy? Mr. Darcy? Is that pride and prejudice? Or Mr. Wickham is. I think I know more about this than I think. Where's Mr. Darcy? Which movie's that from? That's Pride and Censibility.

No. No, it's Pride and Prejudice. Which one is Kate Winslet in where she, does she show boobs? I like it when she's in things and she shows boobs. What's the Victorian love story where somebody shows her cuder? That's the one fortune wants to be in. Talking. Now we're talking cooters.

Yeah. I want to, I'd like, yeah, I think the three of us can be in pride and prejudice. It'd be kind of like that show Bridgeton, but, which I also don't watch.

Oh, good. But just a bunch of lesbians. That could actually be pretty fun. Mm-hmm. Like a modern day Bridgerton, all gals. All lady.

Or ladies. Ladies and ladies. Mm-hmm. I do like the BBC ones. They always have, like, amazing cast. Like, just those British character actors are so good. It's like Imelda Staunton and these people being like, I cannot faint to deny.

We cannot faint to deny. Are you saying you would like me to be in this movie with an accent? You got to do it. Oh, yeah. We've all got a new accent. Yeah. So I'm going Australian. I'm going Razorblaze. Jenna Lopez.

Gooday. Nair. Mar? I feel like we really nailed this. Yeah. This is good. Should we hear Kaylee? I hope Haley has a much clearer picture of what this world looks like.

I almost said Kaylee Cuoco. We should get a question from Kaylee. Let's hear what Haley Kiyoko has to say. My answer would be, of course, pride and prejudice. Like I saw I was Darcy when I was watching it and also Little Women. And that obviously inspired my new book where there's room for us. So I'm pretty much obsessed. Love you all so much.

Thanks for having me. So her book is in that vein. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. To read it. Also, yeah, you were on point with little women. I'm telling you, strong gals.

Mm-hmm. Not interested in men? Hell yeah. That's me. Yeah. You just describe me. I only remember it from the, I mean, the, well, there was the Timothy Shalameh version with Sorosy, is that your name?

Sir Sharonin. Sir Roses. Sorosie. But then I love the version, the Winona Ryder version from our youth. That's the one I'm nostalgic, partial to you. Yeah, that's our youth. That's our youth. Yeah.

So that one, even, again, again, their sisters, but why does it feel very gay to me? It's because they're always like in bed together reading their books. I love a cozy bed situation. Yeah. We were talking about on the tour bus before bed doing reading hour, where we all sit and read for an hour quietly. It hasn't happened yet.

We've been busy watching Survivor. We're going to start watching the new season of the comeback. They've never seen the first two seasons. the people I'm on the bus with, so we're going to watch those. Now, I told you that my family does reading time. I think that might be why I pitched it to them. Yeah. Well, and I was going to say, and part of the fun is for each person to share what they were

reading. And then it creates a bunch of conversation and thoughts and feelings and such. But you're not reading out loud, right? You're independently reading. Yeah, we all are just in the same room lounging around. on reading, but we only do it for 15 to 20 minutes. That's good, though. Because we just, we have little cubs, you know.

Yeah. Love it. But all the proof about, like, how reading, yeah, regulates your nervous system and all this stuff, it's pretty good for you. Yeah. And all this stuff is coming out about how bad, like, short form videos, like, scrolling, how bad that is for your attention span. Oh, yeah.

For sure. Wow. Well, you did it. We did it again. We started this a few years ago and we're still doing it. We're still doing it, y'all. Yes. Thomas wrote, we made it to April.

This is April. We did. We did. Another April. Is this our third April? How many April? Second April? That is wild.

Wait, is it our third? No, no, because we started in May. We started, no, we started in August. Okay, or that. So this is our second. April. Thomas says third. Well, either way,

will we make it to the next April? We've put out 222 episodes. That's a lot. That is a lot of chatting. We're amazing. We are top-notch.

What a podcast. What a podcast. Come home now. I'm going to tell you where you can find me, and that is Newtown, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Brooks, California, San Luis Bispo, California, Albany, New York, Peaksfield, New York, Clayton, New York, Rochester, New York, Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Oregon, Colorado Springs. And the list goes on at tignotaro.com. And always check back because sometimes dates get moved or canceled due to other work. Very much looking forward to seeing everyone on this tour. I am still on tour.

Please go to maymartin.net. Phoenix, Arizona, where I've never been, April 16th. And then San Diego and then Vegas. I'm doing two shows. Still tickets for both of them. And then we just added a late show, April 21st in San Francisco. Still tickets there. And Seattle, there's a late show.

And Portland, Oregon, then Vancouver and Calgary. Yeah. I'm finally getting out to San Antonio, Texas, April 17th, two shows there. Finally, I had to reschedule it a couple times. Sorry, you guys. But it's happening. Dallas, Texas as well.

Des Moines, Toronto, going to be there in May. Reading, Pennsylvania. I just added that. And then our European handsome listeners, I would love for you guys to come to a show in May. I will be in late May, Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London at the Hackney Empire and Dublin. So those are coming up.

Then Rochester, Minnesota, Sierra Rapids, Iowa, and Omaha and Portland, Maine, and Detroit. So a lot of places, you can go to my website for tickets. Solid cities, but also May 4th, Los Angeles at the Will Turn Handsome Live with the cast of the Hunting Wives. That is going to be off the hizzy. I can't wait to see you guys in person. That's going to be really nice. It's going to be so fun. This is the first big theater show we've done in Los Angeles.

We usually do our fun Dynasty Typewriter holiday shows. So this is a big fun theater. It will not be streamed. So if you can make it out to L.A. For the Netflix is a joke festival, there's a lot going on that week. So it would be a fun trip if anybody's looking for something to do. Absolutely. And please rate.

and review our podcast and also subscribe. And if you want to see more flexing of our muscles, go to YouTube and subscribe there. And all of that stuff helps keep this podcast going every April to each. Every April. Each April that we get to. It is because you rated, reviewed, subscribed, and also share your favorite episode with your loved ones.

let's keep building this community. Yeah, y'all. Oh, wait, we also have merch. Get your party kisser merch and your cheese in my pocket. Cheese in my pocket. Yeah. Yeah.

And until next time, I say we... Ain't a butter bitch. Sorry. Keep... Kee. Kee. Handsome. Handsome is hosted by me,

May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas. Willett, email us at HandsomePod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a podcast! What a podcast!

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Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. go episode by episode. We're also

going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full

video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.