Handsome - Ike Barinholtz asks about opening a restaurant

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

Ike Barinholtz ("The Studio," "The Mindy Project") asks Handsome to create their own restaurant, with hilarious results! Plus Mae's leg reveal, Fortune goin' fishin', and some very rhythmic construction over at Tig's house!! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTube and HuluThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois. Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season.

Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hax podcast on HACS podcast on HV. HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts. Handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pod. Chatting the friends on the handsome pod. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm one of your hosts, May Martin,

joined by two very handsome people as well. Tignotaro. I'm Fortune Feemster. Hi guys. Welcome. I feel like it's been a beat. I feel like that. It's been a beat.

Yeah. And May doesn't have a bus in the background or traffic going by. What is going on? Where are you? How is this proper microphone? I got my proper mic, got my proper headphones because, and I got a hotel room just to do the pot because the Wi-Fi is so bad, like on the bus and it's been so chaotic. So I feel good.

I did a couple push-ups. I had a shower. I was about to say the shower part is going to be nice. Oh, yeah, it's nice. That's worth it right there, the Wi-Fi and the shower. The bus driver said, don't shower when the bus is moving. You'll find it scary. And I was like, I'm fine.

And then I was in the shower and he started and it was like, whoa. And I got my razor in there. I'm trying to shave. No, it was bad. You're like, he was right. What do you shave? I knew you were going to. As soon as I said a razor, I thought, oh, no, I walked into that.

Well, you know, I started shaving my legs again just for fun. And it's been a good time? It's been a blast. Okay. Could we see a shaven leg? Well, yeah. At the moment, well, I'm in the mood. I didn't shave in this shower.

So they're pretty prickly, but like. That is a good looking shaved leg. Hot off the YouTube press. I like how it feels in the sheets, you know. I like that we're all wearing black. I like how it feels in the sheets too. whatever it is. It is a shaved leg.

A smooth calf. Anything in this sheet is fine. Yeah, true. Now, I can't remember, May, do you have hairy pits? No, I don't. You shave that too. Yeah, I can't.

I don't know. It's, when it grew, listen, no judgment to anyone where it's growing, like, out. Mm-hmm. Like, out, out, you know?

It's that, I can't do that. But, you know, what about you guys? So you're saying, like rather than the hair that grows out and then hangs down. Yeah, like I think if it's long enough to be draping, that's fine. But it's when it really grows out, out. But wait, what about your pits and legs, please, both of you?

I shave. Yeah, I'm a pretty little lady top to bottom. I am just no armpit hair, no leg hair. Whoa. Yeah. I even shave my mustache. Yeah. Do you use like a razor or?

one of those little derma planer blades. I've sometimes done that on my face. Well, I don't really shave my mustache. Oh, I do. Because the testosterone, I think, makes me grow. Oh, right. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah.

I shave my armpits. I shave my legs. I like a smooth. I like to be smooth. Yeah, it feels good in the bed. In the sheets. It feels good in the sheets. Yeah.

Anytime I armpits get unruly Yeah it feels I'm like I want to I don't know Something about shaving it Makes it feel like Like how people say Hair holds energy in your head

Wait do they Yeah They haven't told me that or me I mean the woo-woo people Believe that your hair Holds on to energy So that when you get it trimmed You're like letting

shedding some of that That feels right. Yeah. But, you know, not everyone believes that, but I can see, I can see that. I believe it now for the rest of my life. All you have to do is say it. I just got a haircut and I didn't experience that. You don't feel lighter?

I mean, sure. I always feel lighter after a haircut. Yeah. Well, I guess technically you are, you know, if you were to weigh in. Yeah. Probably a little bit lighter. It's a shedding of sorts. Mm-hmm.

You do look sharp. We all look like we're, I don't know, in the jets or like we're all in black. Yeah, we are. Cool as well. It's like we're a street gang or something that nobody's scared of. No one is scared of us. If we descended on someone in an alley or like, hey. It'd be more like West Side Story.

And that would be your gang voice. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, you guys. What's your gang voice? What are you doing around these parts? Fortune.

Is that yours? That's it, I think. My gang voice would be like, What's up? Uh-huh. You lost? Oh, that's good. And then I would give them directions.

To where? Wherever there need to be. Oh, so you're a helpful gang. Yes, I am. Yeah, this is a helpful gang. Yeah, of course, yeah. I don't talk. My gang character doesn't talk.

My gang character just has crossed arms and just nods, like, yeah, what they said. Like the get-along gang. That was kind of like my part in Fortune's golf show with Wilfair. I did a lot of standing with my arms crossed nodding. Yeah. I was like, yeah, that's right. That's coming out in the summer already, you know.

I know. That's exciting. Is that on Netflix? Mm-hmm. That's so exciting. Yeah. And what's it called? The Hawk.

The Hawk. Right. You said that. Will's going to be hosted an S&L in May. So that'll be cool. Do you get to go? I'm going to go watch them because I have a show in Reading, Pennsylvania the night before. So I'll just go back into Philly, take the train up to New York, easy, peasy.

Lemon squeezy. Lemon squeezy. And I'm going to go watch him do his thing. Nice. I really, have you ever said to anyone, are you lost, like, in a threatening way? Are you lost? No. If I asked them that, it would be more of like, where's your soul right now?

Is your soul lost? Oh, yeah. Have you lost yourself? Yeah. Or like, where are your parents? Yeah. Are you lost? Mm-hmm.

Have you ever offered someone a knuckle sandwich? Mm-mm. No. Yeah. You have? Yeah, my brother. You said, can I make you a sandwich? He goes, oh, sure, what's that?

Knuckle. Well, I think we just exchanged offers. over and over. Do you want a knuckle sandwich? You know. Yeah. And he offered you one back. Yeah. We both offered knuckle sandwiches back and forth. Isn't it funny with siblings where now like, now we're all adults and you're having a coffee with this other adult and you both know that you were insane to each other as kids, like that you were. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going fishing with my brother next week, next weekend, which is kind of funny because like he and I, have not done anything like this in years.

Wow. And he's an avid fisherman and he's been trying to get me to go fishing with him forever. And I just finally was like, okay, let's go fishing. So I'm going to have a sibling weekend with my brother. That's great. Are you going in the ocean or lake or river? We're going up in the Niagara Falls area because he said it's like unbelievably gorgeous there. Wow.

So I believe it's fresh water where we're going. Yeah. I have not, I know I look butch. Mm-hmm. But I'm a dainty little, pretty little lady on the inside. Uh-huh. I'm worried. Not worried.

I'm not losing sleep over it. But I will definitely be a big puss when it comes to baiting my hook. Oh, because it's live work. Have you done it before? I mean, as a kid, and we have some friends that are going to, and I'm probably going to get laughed at. I feel like you can get them to do it for you. I know, but may I feel like I'm, my butch card, you know, because I'm so butch. Yeah.

It's going to get revoked, right? If you're not slamming worms onto those hooks. And then when, and then if I am lucky enough to catch a fish, which we all know I will, I don't want to then touch it Yeah, that's fair I think But you guys, I think that my butch card Will be taken from me Can you instead of like live bait

Use like a lure? I'll ask my brother Otherwise he's gonna have to bait my hook Hello But I also don't want to touch my fish Yeah, I think are we talking about We're still talking about fishing These are not euphemisms

This is my brother I think true masculinity It comes from having Boundaries knowing what you like and don't like And saying, hey, touch my fish Hey, you guys, I don't want to put a, I don't want to touch a worm Yeah And I want to touch my fish

I don't want to touch my fish So I'm going to need somebody do this for me So basically I'll just stand there with the pole And if it happens, I'll pass it off Is fishing just, most of fishing is just like Standing, right? And talking. Talking.

Hopefully people have stuff to talk about otherwise awkward. Yeah, that could be so awkward. Maybe you could offer your brother a knuckle sandwich. Maybe. Yeah, if he doesn't bait my hook. Hello. I'll give him a knuckle sandwich. Right enough.

That's right. Tell him you'll be in charge of food for the day. And then when he asks, say, oh, yeah, I brought you a knuckle sandwich. but I kind of like the idea of like sibling trips as an adult. And does he typically go on fishing trips himself? He does that.

Are you going to eat the fish? I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question, May. Thanks, guys. I mean, one of the best questions on this podcast. Thanks, thanks.

Well, not to compete, but I'm going to see my brother next week. Really? Wow. Yeah. No fishing. trip but I'm going to see him and his wife and kids and who knows what's going to happen. Yeah.

Yeah, what are you going to? I mean, I have an idea. We usually sit around and talk and go get coffees and play with the kids and the dog. I know exactly what's going to. You know exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Is it just you or the family's not going on?

It's just me. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like revisit the same? conversations with like with I have different people in my life where we have the same conversation over and yeah like us yeah yeah yeah we cover some similar ground yeah mean we're on a cycle when I was in Toronto I saw an old my old roommate who I haven't I haven't really hung out with her in in yeah 15 years or something and we went right back to yeah like this we were talking about

the same house parties that we were still processing. Like we used to have a bong called Gary Sinise. We talked a lot about that. We used to rent DVDs of CSI and watch a whole season of CSI in two days. The original one? Yeah, like the Gary Sanis one. So what was that?

Gary Sinise was that? Now, had you smoked out of Gary Sinise while you were talking about Gary Sinise? When we lived together, yeah. We watched CSI with Gary Senees while smoking out of Gary Sinise. Wow. CSI New York, Thomas. That's right. Correct.

Yeah. Yeah. But I'm really nostalgia driven. Like we recreated a photo that we took 15 years ago. I love all that. Wow. And she was, I mean, we were a mess when we lived together. And now she's like a big costume designer.

She's done so well. She's awesome. Yeah. In Toronto. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. And she, so her mom, she, I went away and then, maybe I've told you this.

I'm sure. It's in the cycle. But I went away and then she emailed me when we lived together. We were like 20. She said, my mom's going to be crashing on our couch for a couple weeks. Is that okay? I was like, yeah. She said, oh, she'll be gone by the time you get back.

And then I got back and there she was. And then eventually it got too awkward and my roommate moved out and it was just me and her mom. We live there another year. You lived for her a year with her mom? Yes, and guess what? She still lives in that apartment. So she set her sights on it and she... She's like, I'm going to squat until this place is mine.

How many years? How many years has she... Like, it's a rental. She doesn't own it? It's a rental and they've never raised the rent. She just loves it. It's right on Queen Street. And it's, uh, she's been there 18 years now, I guess.

Dang. That is wild. And you guys got along well? Me and Norma? Yeah. Yeah. The mom? Norma, of course. Yes, yes. Yeah, we did. She was hilarious. Except one time I was listening to Prince with my friends. I mean, I was an adult in my own apartment, you know,

but suddenly with a mom living there. And we were listening to Prince and it must have been like one in the morning or something. And she comes out of her bedroom and goes, guys, don't you think the music's a little dank? We were like, dang. I still don't know what that meant. What do you feel like it means? Dank. Like, it's more like, it's not positive, right? No. Does it sound, it sounds smelly, first of all.

It sounds wet. Like smutty and wet, but it was print. Smuddy and wet. I think what she meant was shut the fuck up. I'm trying to sleep. And this was 10 years ago? No, like almost 20. I was, I was 20 years old.

So I was going to say if it was 10 years ago, that's actually when. Prince died. Yeah. Yeah. He died 10 years ago. Is that right? Yeah. I saw a clip of him performing the other day.

I didn't realize he was so physical. He was doing like throwing himself. Yeah. You guys like Prince? Yeah. For sure. We're living, breathing human beings. Yeah.

Sorry. Yeah. Are you guys here in the drilling at my house? Oh, let me listen. It's ever so slight right now. but sometimes it can ramp up. It's not happening anymore, but getting a new deck. Can you guys hear my heartbeat?

Oh my God. This is so romantic. Hear my heart pumping for you. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance, and that's smart. Not checking if your friend enjoys theater before buying tickets for the new show, that's going off script in a bad way. I can admit, a four-hour musical that reimagines Queen Victoria through the lens of disco is not for everyone. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Today's episode of Handsome is sponsored by our friends at Honeylove. May and I have been hearing nonstop from Fortune about her new, sports bra from Honey Love. While most sports bras miss the mark, Fortune cannot stop bragging that hers feels amazing to wear all day without feeling too tight or too loose or being a pain to take off.

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or enter Handsome at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O-P-O-S-I-V-com slash handsome for 25% off. I'm going to see my mom next week. Oh, when you go for the fishing trip? Before the fishing trip, I'll see my mom. She's having a bunch of tests and MRIs and everything next week. So she asked me to come. But that will be the deciding factor.

May and I talked about this on a minisode, whether or not I'm going to take my mom to Europe for a little bit. So you're going to see how the test results go. Next week will be the deciding factor. Okay. Yeah, because I'm going to do a, a bunch of shows, the end of May, early June in Europe. Uh-huh.

And we were weighing in on whether or not she was going to come to the Copenhagen, London, and Dublin part of the trip. Has she been to those places before? She's been to London, but not Copenhagen and not Dublin. She wanted to go to all those cities. Uh-huh. Because I'm going to Stockholm, Oslo, Berlin, where somewhere else. but I was like, we cannot do the whole

A whole European road trip. Why? Hopefully, because, her health. Uh-huh. Yeah. She only has so much stamina. So we'll see.

Okay. Hopefully the tests are good because I think that would be fun. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not the one that is going. So I just gone to Amsterdam. Yeah. And I did a show there.

And everyone thought that that was the trip I was referring to with my mom. So literally everyone was like, did your mom go? Did your mom go? I was like, that wrong trip. I'm going back. Oh, when you saw people at the show were coming up? People, I had posted that I just got back from Amsterdam. Oh, okay.

Because I did a separate trip there. Yeah, yeah. Because I had to do some other work stuff. And so they thought that was the trip. I was trying to decide whether or not to take her on. But that was not the one. There's another one coming up. But I went to Amsterdam and it was tulip season.

Oh, wait, yeah. Tell us about Amsterdam, girls. It was the most gorgeous flowers I've ever seen. Tulips and clogs. Tulips and clogs. Did you tiptoe? I did go through the Red Light District. Oh, you did.

But did you tiptoe through the tulips, first of all. Yeah, I did not tiptoe through the tulips. Why do you have to tiptoe through the tulips? I don't know. Because they're. What was his name? What's his name? The guy that sings that?

I don't even know what you guys are referring to. You've never heard of tiptoe through the tulips. He sings like that. Those were the days where you could be a big star and you sing like that. And you're weird. Tiptoe through the tulips. I don't know this song.

Two against one. Wow. Two against one. Thomas, what's his name? Tiptoe through the tulips. I'm seeing that it was written. Oh, it was made popular by, guitarist Nick Lucas.

No. But then there's a guy named Tiny Tim. That's the one. Obviously, that's the one I mean. The one that sings, and he goes, I'm Tiny Tim. And I'm going to be a big star. I don't have any clue what you are talking about.

That's clear. But I was telling you I went to the Red Light District. Oh, yeah. How was it? I saw a lot of boobies. Yeah. In the windows. Just window shopping.

I mean, not shopping. It was not shopping for anything. Oh my God. Just window shopping. Let me be clear, not shopping for a thing, but there's just boobies everywhere. Yeah. And I did see, listen, this is no judgment, more of like, hey, good for y'all.

A couple was going into negotiate with one of the gals. And I was like, look at them on vacation, being like, let's, you know. A couple, like a male female couple? Male female couple. Like maybe it was on their bucket list and they were like, let's go do this together. I never think about date night. You did? Did you actually say that?

Yeah. That's hilarious. Date night. Oh, my God. And did they respond? No. I was far away. Oh, oh.

That is so funny. But yeah, it's just, you know, but it's interesting. Because nobody thinks twice about it. It's just such a, it's been such a part of. of that city and the culture there. It's no, it doesn't phase anyone. And the girls are fine. They're great.

They're living their best life. Yeah. I mean, and it's legal so they get to have unions and it's all super safe. I'm very pro. Yeah. Very pro sex work. It's a, I just, cool city. I just Googled why did they call it Stockholm syndrome.

When you said Stockholm, I thought about that. Yeah. You want to know the answer? It's crazy. Do you know this? No, thank you. Oh, okay. let's hear it.

Okay. Stockholm Syndrome is named after a 1973 bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, where hostages developed an unexpected positive emotional bond with their captors during a six-day standoff. They defended the criminals, feared the police, refused to testify. And yeah, that was coined that term. May fact. Yeah.

May fact. Thank you for sharing that, May. I could see that happening to me if I was a host. in a bank robbery. I'd be like, yeah, but you know, life is tough. I get it. This is my best friend. Yeah.

Yeah. What you're doing after this? I love this person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I ate a stoop waffle. No, what's a stoop waffle?

Is that how you say it? Stoop waffles. Stoop waffles. I don't know. I don't either. Dutch is very hard to decipher. What is it? It's a waffle with like caramel in the middle.

Oh, a stoop in the middle. Yeah, sure. And this one had chocolate on top of it. Was it delicious? Delicious. It sounds delicious. That's fries. Yeah, no, I know.

Because you guys didn't know what frets are. They're fries. Did you know, May? And they put mayonnaise on their fries. Yeah, how do you feel about that? I'm anti. I don't want it. For whatever reason, I don't want it in the States,

but over there it makes sense. That's funny. But they, and when I went to Brussels, they have the curry ketchup. That's big in London, right? Oh, it's big in Berlin, curry, yeah, chips and, like fries with curry sauce and stuff. But that's not a big thing in London? Uh, maybe. I don't remember that, though.

Never heard of it. It's like a curry ketchup. Oh, that's good. Why do we stay in our lane so much, you know? I'm just very European right now. now. I don't know what to tell you got it. No, I know. You seem like you really came back. I'm about to take one tit out. Why just one? Because it's very European. Everyone in Europe's got one tit. Everyone in Europe has one tit hanging out at all times. At least they have a tit.

Yeah. Rub it in much. Yeah. I'm going to take my one tit out of my honey love bra and drink an Naparol sprits. Oh, my God. And have some frets. And I mean, you'll think I'm European. T. Yeah. That accent.

Ha! Ha! Ha! But I did a show in Amsterdam as well. And we had some lovely handsome listeners come to the show. So it's very cool to, to meet some of our European friends. European friends, yeah. That's so nice.

Did they give you? stuff for me. I'm getting a lot of stuff for you guys on tour. Did anyone happen to... Does anyone have any gifts for me? No. How do I have... The last I gave to you all was the soap.

I haven't been given anything for the group in a minute. You got, you guys got a lot of stuff coming to. I have so much stuff that I had to ship it back to my house. Oh, wow. And I'm still, I got 12 more cities to go. Well, you can use your discretion if you think. No, you're getting all of it. There's paintings of us.

There's knitted dolls of all three of us. There's all kinds of cool shit. Wow. Yeah, it's really... It's so much stuff. How do we look? Oh, we all look great. Yeah.

Even me? Yeah, even you. Even me? Yes, even you. Tiggs one eye. One eye, no tits. One I know tits, TIG. Yeah.

How's my eye look? So good. Does it look like it's closing or open? But you haven't had anything done to it. No. Today it looks pretty, pretty even today. Okay. Well, I think I have it done in October now.

Oh, it keeps getting pushed back. Well, no, it was one, it was set. Okay. And then because it's hard to get it scheduled when I had to move it, it like really got moved down the line. Yeah. Does it start to twitch if like if they're doing construction in your house, will the noise like? No, there's no twitching that happens. It just feels like a brick is placed on that eyelid.

And you don't like that. I'm not crazy about it because it interferes with my eyesight. And, and it just, it just, it feels so weird. Yeah. Wait, girl, tell us about your, your patio girl. Oh, girl. I was, you know, we had a, we had to get our roof fixed, only to find out, we need a new back patio and upper deck because the wood was rotting. Oh.

We've lived in our house for 10 years. and I guess it's that the people remodeled right around then. And then I guess 10 years is kind of a sweet spot of when things start going to hell. I'm picturing just everything at once is like, I'm not kidding you. I am not kidding you. And before we got on this episode, I was saying that, do you hear that? Oh, I heard something there.

That's barely anything. It was so explosive. I was and it was truly three minutes before we got on. I was like, there is no possible way we're going to be able to record. And then, you know, the Lord was on our side. The Lord bless you and keep you. Yes, that Lord blessed us and we were able to contend. What?

Oh, here we go. That is nothing compared to what. was going on before we got on here. It sounds kind of like somebody like tapping on your. Yeah, I don't, yeah, they might just, I think, a little bit of tapping with the hammer, but something else, there was like a drill saw situation that felt like it was about to knock the whole house down.

Well, they probably, maybe that was when they were removing the wood from the house. Pretty little lady. You just got your bitch card back. My bitch cards back, y'all. Yeah, I got my butcher card back. She got her butch card back. You still working out? No, I got to get back into it.

So are you doing gym workout? Are you treading? What are you doing? I did a week of workouts a couple weeks ago. And then I've been, I was in Europe, I got, I walked the equivalent of 50,000 steps. In one day? No. Oh, I was like, in five days.

Oh, wow. Wait, is that good? Yeah. No, wait. It's not 50,000. 50 miles. A hundred thousand steps it was. I got 20,000 steps a day.

Whoa. I remember when Stephanie and I went to Amsterdam, we walked so much. I think it's the most I've ever walked in my life. Yeah. So it was 50 miles, 100,000 steps. Good Lord, fortune. I'm the pillar of health.

We know it, girl. Although I just got my blood drawn because I'm trying to actually look into my health now. And the doctor is like, just got 80% of your results. Can we talk? And I'm like, oh, no. Did you talk? Not yet. I kind of don't want to hear it.

It didn't sound like great. Well, you never know. Maybe it's like, can we talk? And then it's just a call. Yeah, good job. Yeah. Your outside does not match your inside. That's what I like to do to, you know.

Waiters. I ask. Can we talk? Can we talk? I say, can I talk to the manager? And then they're like, is there something I can help you with? And I say, uh, everything is divine once again. That's so good.

That's so good. I love that. And they're looking at me like preparing for something terrible, but they're like, so everything's good. And I'm like, everything is amazing and we will be back again next week. That's so good. that. I'll never forget when I went with Parven Alma for lunch when Amma was five and how to know the waiter was like and has everything to your satisfaction and she goes, I don't like it. And we're all like, oh my God. And she goes, I love it. Oh. And I was like, whoa. What about us? Still get it.

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Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash handsome for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash handsome. Should we get to our question? I think we should. Well, today's question asker is an actor and comedian who has starred in shows like Mad TV, Eastbound a down, and my best friend and my co-worker on the show, The Mindy Project. Most recently, his work in the hit show The Studio won a Critic Choice Award and an actor

award. And he was actually nominated for an Emmy. Ike Barrenholz is asking today's question. Nice. Hi, handsome pod. It's Ike. Fortune You're my dear old friend

Tig my neighbor May I don't know you as well but you're a new friend Okay I love that Each of you are opening a restaurant What is the name of the restaurant And what is the fair

And give me like A quick menu like appetizer slash salad main dessert cocktail I'll take my answer off there please thank you I truly trip over Ike every other day in the neighborhood well you guys on walks and stuff right yeah yeah so do I and boy do we bump into each other

that's funny our last season of the mini project together he was working on a movie and he fractured his neck. Like literally came with an inch of being paralyzed. Oh my God. Crazy. At work? At work filming. Oh my God.

Not at our work. Some, another project. And he just like willed himself into like being okay. He was in a neck brace or almost our entire last season. But he he had to sit up right a certain degree every day. and he had to walk a certain amount every day. And he just, like, was the most dedicated

that I've ever seen of anybody and somehow just, like, fix himself through this. And, you know, obviously, physical therapy and stuff. But, like, that was such a close call. But also, he won Celebrity Jeopardy. He is wildly knowledgeable about an insane amount of stuff. Really?

More than me? Like, a history guy, he knows, like, history, dates. I mean, just like, his brain is like wild. He's very, very smart and super funny. I love working with him. I love when the question asker goes through us each individually. I get, I get like excited from my turn. Even when he says, I don't really know you. Yeah. I don't think I've ever. I just had a new friend. Yeah. See, that was perfect. And I'm going to hold him to that. If I ever see him. I don't understand what you'd be friends. That's how I feel. If he saw you, he'd be excited.

Yeah. He's the nicest. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to own a restaurant, but like be one of those people that is a part of the ownership, but does not have to do anything. Right. Just go enjoy food.

You don't want to make any of the creative decisions. I mean, I would love to weigh in like, oh, we could do better with this entree. I would love to weigh in on the food for sure because I feel like I have a nice palate. Mm-hmm. But I don't want it. I've always said that about you. That's what? One of the most good-looking pallets in Hollywood.

That wasn't necessary. And that was even more of... I was clearing my palate. Unnecessary. By the way, I went to that restaurant and I told you about in Amsterdam again, DeKos, that's, I know you're vegan, but it's mainly... How'd you know I was vegan?

It's mainly vegetarian. They grow all their own food, and it was a deal. I've seen that place advertise. It's in like a greenhouse type. It's in a greenhouse. It's so good. Wait, so what would your concept be for your restaurant? Would it be in a greenhouse like that?

Would it just be called the pallet cleaner? Yeah. This is a tongue? Yeah. Because your taste range is like you love Hooters. Would you have a Hooters type element? No, I think I would want a. Please.

A hooters type element with people that have had top surgery and double mastectomies. Let's start it, May. Oh, my God. No boo. Oh, my God. What's it called? Something to do with dumpster tips. Where are y'all opening a restaurant together?

Did y'all just go into business? Yeah. Oh, my God. All the waiters are topless. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Continue.

Let's hear it. Let's hear more. No, let's get back to yours. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. The creativity, the creativity is happening. Let's not stop the train.

But I don't want to share the rest of the restaurant would take. Sorry. Well, because I think I'm going to want different things on my menu. And I don't know. May wants meat. Well, I think we would be aligned maybe on some of the ambiance stuff. Fortune, stay out of this. Y'all are already fighting.

You want different ambience or you want meat and cheese? want no tits. That's all I want. Yeah, that's all you care about. Yeah. So both of y'all are opening up restaurants where everyone's topless. Yeah. But the menu's different. Okay. And it's called utterly delicious. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. That's Tiggs restaurant. No, that's not. That's not the restaurant I would have. Okay. Okay. That's a side project that I would start with May where everyone has had top surgery or double mastectomies with no reconstructive surgery. Yeah. This is a cafe. Then utterly delicious is a cafe with nut milks. Yeah, I think you're right, actually.

With breast milk. Yeah, we threw breast milk. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's what you are owning to get. That's what you are owning together is utterly delicious. It's a cafe. Yeah.

And then you're going to have separate restaurants. And everything is made with breast milk. Yeah. Everything is made with breast milk. The irony is no one has tits. No tits allowed. You can eat there with your tits. Yeah.

What does that mean? You can't work there if you want it to mean. Oh, you can have tits and go there. I see. Or you can eat with your tits. Scooing stuff up with them. Slap it in there. Slap it in there.

Okay. And that one, we don't need to go through the menu other than the breast milk. That one's covered. Utter than the breast milk. Good, good one. Thank you. Okay. I'm going to assume Tig, you're opening up a.

vegan restaurant. What makes you think that? Yeah, what if it was a barbecue? It could be vegan barbecue. Yeah, that's true. Would that be jackfruit? Uh, yeah, yeah. No, or mushrooms, um, those barbecue, a lot of things barbecue nicely. You can barbecue watermelon, but, um, I want to know about the, I want to know about the ambiance, you know, and the, what's your vibe? Yeah. Of no tits allowed or, or my, wait, wait, are your restaurants both? Tits out, no tits? What's happening? Tits out the door.

No, we just have utterly delicious. Other delicious is the tit one. Yeah. And then TIG has her own restaurant. Okay, here's the thing is my father, a Pesquale, no taro. He always worked at pizza restaurants, like kind of, in Mississippi, it was a chain called Mr. Gatties. Yeah. Daddies?

Yeah, Mr. Gatties. Gatties is what it ended up becoming. his gatties. And he, he managed them. And anyway, his, his, um, dream was to have his own pizzerie. Yeah. And so I thought it'd be fun one day to open a vegan restaurant called a Pesqualis, a pizzerie. Yeah. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. Vegan pizza. Just vegan pizza. Just vegan pizza. And I, you know, Pesquale would approve. He, he, he, he would. would be so proud. And he'd be into it no matter what.

I could see that. Yeah. I like that. And is it just simple, like checkered tablecloths? Very traditional. Pasquale's a pizzerri. And, you know, maybe some old family photos,

black and white family photos from the old Natar family. Back in Italy. Oh, wow. That's aggressive. And would you, if any, if a celebrity ate there, would you. Tits or no tits allowed. What? If a celebrity ate there, would you put their picture on the wall too?

No celebrities. No. No. They're allowed, but they don't need. No, they're not. Oh, wow. No, they are not. I love that idea.

Except for. All right. You try to tell Jennifer Aniston, she can't come. Except for Ike. Ike can be there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Imagine having a restaurant in L.A. and you go, no celebrities allowed. No celebrities. No tits. I bet you'd get tons of people going. Are you serving alcohol at this restaurant? Yeah. And a lot of non-alcoholic, non-alcoholic beverages as well.

Okay. I like a good, I used to not enjoy a non-alcoholic beer, but Stephanie ordered one once. And I was like, this is tasty, you know, a little afternoon brusky sip. And so I started having little sips off of her non-alcoholic afternoon brusky. We know you love to have a little sip of her alcoholic drink. Yes, yes.

Yeah. I like to sit and have a little sip. But now my point is I was like, this is so good. There's so many good ones out there that, you know, if you're a non-drinker, you want to have an afternoon sipsy doodle. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of good ones.

Stella makes a good one. Heineken does. Okay. And is there any dessert? No dessert, except breast milk. Ice cream. I forgot. Everywhere.

Breast milk. I forgot. Breast milk. Breast milk a teramisu. Erelele delicious is next door. Yeah. Yeah. You send people next door for their.

And then you go into utterly delicious. They're like, sorry. Oh, sorry. They're like, no, tits allowed. And then you go next door. And then it's, uh, At Pesquale's still, no tits allowed. Uh-huh.

I like that. No, you can have tits at Piscollies. And the dessert would have to be a Tirmissou. That's my favorite. Do they make good vegan Tirmissus? Of course. It's Pesquale's Pizzerie. Okay, okay.

Yeah, what do you think? We're going to, like, crap out on the dessert? I don't know. It's just full of cream. I don't want to fight with you about this. I don't want to fight with you either. I love Tirmissu. I love you, too.

And affigato, since you have utterly delicious next door. Yeah. You need a vegan ice cream and an espresso shot. Oh, God. I love an espresso shot with my dessert. Yeah, me too. Get out of my face if you don't have a, well, I have decaf espresso. I know that ruins everything, but I like the taste of espresso.

Yeah, of course. So I have my decaf espresso with my breakfast. the milk, a terry missou. I love this. Well, this is, I actually could see you owning a restaurant like this one day. Yeah, me too, actually. In like Colorado. Are there any investors who want to open at Pesqualis Mizzari?

Oh, me, we have a taker. So we're going to open Pascuali's end, utterly delicious. I'm just going to be an investor in Pascuali's. Okay. And I'm going to. But you and I are going to work at utterly delicious. Monday to Friday 9 to 5th. Yeah, yeah.

Put our aprons on and get to it. Apprents, no top. Yeah. Wow. Well, those bottom aprons. Yes. It's not like a top apron. Yeah, perfect.

And sadly, we have a lot of grease, hot grease scars on our chest. We have a lot of burns. Wow. Utterly delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're making. We don't wear shirts there and our aprons don't cover our tops.

Yeah. I'm touring with my first. Matt, who's Italian, and I just found out his grandfather was called Enrico derango. Oh, I know him. Does Piscoa? No, Enrico de Rangelo. Yeah, we knew him, yeah. Also, I've told you my father used to carry a pistol and a knife in his cowboy boots.

Didn't I tell you that? You must have, but that's blow in my mind again. Okay, that has to be part of the restaurant, is that maybe not pistols. The weight staff has knives in their boots. Oh, yeah, knives so you can pull it out. You cut the pizza. You got the pizza with the knife. The circle thing.

Yes, yes. And no pistol, but you got the knife and you boot down. Yeah, I like that. No, no, in the pistol is hot sauce. It's like a plastic pistol so you can shoot the hot, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Interesting. Or hot honey.

Yes, hot honey for the crust. I love hot honey on a pizza. Never had it. Honey. It's so good. Hot honey on a pizza. May? I'll change your life.

Well, you know, in Colorado, maybe I've told you this, but they'll eat their pizza and then they leave the crust and then they have honey on the table and then they pour the honey on the crust and that's their dessert. And we're going to do that at Pascualis. Yeah, we are. Well, that's not vegan though. It's not vegan. So what you do is.

Wait, honey is not vegan? No, because it's an animal product. But some vegans, some vegans do eat it. But what I replace honey with is a maple syrup. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right.

Sorry to yell in Italian. Yeah. Sorry. It's just part of my family. You know, we're all like that. You're very passionate. It just comes over you. Yeah.

Now, may I feel like you already know the vibe of the restaurant you want? Yeah. I've been thinking about it. And I, all I know is I don't want to say the table's too close together. I hate when you go to a fancy restaurant and you're elbow to elbow with the next table. So I want to like that. Yeah, I don't like that either. You don't like that?

No. I don't like sitting on top of each other. You don't like that? No. So I want distance between us, between all the tables. And I want like comfort food, like mashed potatoes and schnitzel and like lasagna and stuff. And then I want some tables outside where you can smoke a cigarette. I think that's a really a lovely thing that I kind of miss from the 90s, like, that you could

sit, you finish your meal. That wasn't the only decade where you could smoke. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're right. Just like a little ashtray on a table. And so after your meal, you have a, you go outside, you have your espresso and a, um, and I espresso and a smoke. Yeah.

And I think maybe a live band, like a, like playing kind of instrumental Beatles. covers and things. Yeah. Yeah. But jazzy. Okay. Actually, I'm sort of hating this. Yeah.

And what was the other thing? I forgot. There's also an accordion player at my at Piscollis. Of course. Yeah. What was the, is there a thing about like accordion players?

They had monkeys or something? Why does my brain go accordion player and a monkey? Like, maybe it wasn't a cartoon or something. Yeah. I feel like people are going to be listening. I would just blame it on being. May Martin. Right.

Yeah. My brain goes monkey. There must be a monkey involved. What's the name of this restaurant, May? It's called... Tits in. Tits in. No, it's called...

It's called, hey, come on in. Like it. Hey, come on in. Hey, come on in. Uh-huh. Like it? Hey, dot, dot, dot. Come on in.

Something like that. Something welcoming like that. Like, it's called... May's place. Yeah. I don't feel very attached to my name, May, you know? Yeah. Like, when I made feel good, they said, can we call it May?

And I was like, even though my character was called May, I was like, ugh. Like, yeah. What about little cowboy? On that. Little cowboys. Yeah, it's fucking, of course, it's little cowboys. Yeah, but it doesn't have a Western theme. Yeah, it's not a Western thing.

But there is a big wagon wheel out front. Yeah. The kids climb on. Well, why not, Fortune? Oh, I want it to be fun for kids and magical. actually now that I think of it. Yeah. I don't want kids at my restaurant.

You're no kids allowed. Fortune Feaster. And is there a blinking neon sign that says no kids? I think I want to where if you have kids. They have their own room that they have to go to. There's just one wagon wheel. There's just one old wagon wheel. There's sort of a hot dog or jude.

chicken tenders. I'm having other ideas for my restaurant. Can I take up? Sorry, you've already 12 years. Okay, I want there to be an immersive theater type element where your waiter tells you a secret. Like, I was like, you've got to get me out of here or something. Or like as like an escape room at the end of it. Or during, like there's a clue hidden in the food and that that clue tells you which waiter that you have to talk to and you have to say a certain code phrase. Like, excuse me, do you have any gray pupon or whatever? And then the waiter will go 4294 is the code to the bathroom. I would be so annoyed.

They tell you the specials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can only get them if you go through all these steps. And if you don't want to play, you just don't get to hear the specials for the day. Yeah. And you just eat what you eat and you have a nice time. But if you want to, you could be involved in this whole whisper subterfuge thing.

Oh, so you have you, it's your choice. You don't have to get in on this reindeer game. No, you can opt out. But I also think there should be... I opt out of the immersive part of this restaurant. And they go, okay, respect. But there's going to be one winner announced at the end of every table service. That sounds like hell.

Well, this is why y'all aren't owning the restaurant together. Yeah, utterly delicious. I'll see you at utterly delicious. Yeah. And I like the idea of one winner per kind of time slot. Okay. Yeah. Competitive.

I could actually see you opening this restaurant as well. Yeah. And maybe there's a thing where like, let's say you get a slice of cake and you bite it and you're like, oh no. It tastes different. Yeah, like it tastes like meatloaf or something. It's just designed to look like cake, but it's actually. Is it cake? And there's a coin.

You've heard of that right? Wait, I watched Fortune on Is It Cake. I know. That's what my son's no fortune from. episode. No way. Yeah, when they met Fortune, they were like, would she on, is that cake? That's so funny. Probably. You're like, she's pretty famous. Okay. Okay. So the dessert is some sort of trick. Yeah, there's meatloaf chocolate cake. And if you get that code that gets you into the special bathroom, then like there's a secret door that takes you into a place that's like.

room. It's got a, no, it just has a chocolate fountain. A sex swing is waiting for you. A sex dungeons. A sex clubs attached. Sex fondue. Like the Kit Kat Club. Sex fondue.

What if you accidentally stumble in there and you're like, well, I didn't. I just wanted the meat load cake. I was looking for the bathroom. All right. Gosh, this is quite an elaborate restaurant. Have you been inspired, Fortune? What? Mine's boring.

I would, I would maybe do like, should we skip it? Yeah. All right. Let's hear what I guess to say. Well, I, I could use my name,

but like, make it be called like good fortune or something like that, good fortune. Yeah. But maybe I would do like a farm to table type of restaurant. Mm.

When I was in Canada, I went to Picton, you know, outside of Toronto a couple hours. And all their restaurants there were like locally sourced. Yeah. food and it was like every place I went to was like the best freshest meal I'd ever had.

Nice. So something like that where it's like a really great fish, a really great cut of meat, a nice chicken, roast chicken, that kind of stuff. Mm-hmm. Where they tell you like the name of the chicken you're eating, the local farms. They tell you the local farms everything's bought from. Yeah. And do you want all of that information or do you just want your food? I don't.

People are into it. Mm-hmm. And we're going to serve old fashions, of course. And what about box cars? I don't know what that is. Yeah, what's that? I don't know. Well, we'll have a, we'll have a, what do you call it?

The cocktail person? Bartender. Mixologist. No, yeah, mixologist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're probably wearing something dushy, like those leather aprons, you know. Yeah. I don't know.

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, and like it's buttoned up to the top. And there's like a library wall with the ladder. Oh. Instead of books, it's alcohol. Right. And are you going table to table? It says boo books.

Less books. More alcohol. Boo books. No kids. Oh, I thought you said boo books. I was like, wow. Boo books. Oh, like thumbs down.

No thank you. Drink alcohol. No reading. And no kids. And no kids. And that's a neon sign, but it's meant to be funny. And it's blinking, correct? And there's candles, the vibes, kind of like the greenhouse vibe.

A lot of windows. A lot of greenery, like plants and stuff everywhere. Okay. Because, you know, farm to table. Are you going table to table saying welcome to good fortunes? Yeah, I'm kissing everyone's hand. Oh, I like that touch. Imagine you're eating your meal

and some person who owns the place comes up and no thank you you would think you would be out everyone's hands that's just part of coming to our restaurant and it's your good and it's your good fortune

that this is happening yeah oh maybe you do fortune cookies yeah at the end at the end fortune cookies as well as avagado with avocado avocado and tiramisu so you have like

nice for a salad or some kind of like, you know, yellow tell, fresh, something like that. And then those mains I told you about, then the affigado cake. And yeah, a fortune, you get a fortune cookie with your check. It's free. And they're dipped in chocolate or white chocolate. I'm sorry.

Back up. You're handing out free fortune cookies? I am. You're going to be in the red. They're going to be dipped in white chocolate or milk chocolate. Or dark chocolate. or breast milk chocolate. And there will be some sort of fortune in it,

but it won't be like the dumb ones. They'll actually be good sage advice. It won't be like get another meal. It'll be, yeah. When you eat, you're full. It won't be like that. Yeah. It'll be something.

It'll be actual wisdom. You're going to be spending a lot of money on those. So if you want, you could bring them to utterly delicious just in, TIG and I'll let you dip them in our breast milk chocolate. This is a horrible. Warm breast milk. This is,

are we going to stand by this? I mean, all of these restaurants will fail. No, actually, Tiggs might have a chance of making it. Oh, utterly delicious or,

Pesquales. My restaurant feels expensive. Yeah, it feels like your overheads are hot and get no return. But everyone that gets their hand kissed will love it. Yes. And there will be a lot of, it will be an Instagram moment of the boo books, more drinking, no kids. That'll be a hit.

I think mine will be a hit because like millennials who are into escape rooms and nerds. Guys, should we even hear what Ike has to say? We should hear what I. I mean. Ike's a foodie, so he'll come up with something good, I'm sure. So you're about his booby foodie. Hi, Hansen Pod. My answer to my own question is I would, I'd open a restaurant called, I'd call it Shies.

Like, C-H-I-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-S, like Chicago, Shies in Chicago. It would be a Chicago-inspired restaurant. Yeah, we would have all Chicago dishes. Like, the first bite would be like a, like an Amuse Bouch, Chicago. style hot dog amuse boosh. Ooh. The salad would be some kind of an Italian beef salad. The main course would be like a pizza, some kind of, maybe like a meat kind of pizza.

And the dessert would be like chocolate covered beef or pork, chocolate pork sausage. No. I'm out. Beef and pork sausage. What? Like a big cup of whiskey served inside. That would be my restaurant. Shies.

What's a beef chas? Shies. We never turn the light off, even if you have a heart attack at the table. Love that. Thank you. Well, that was a fun episode. I appreciate it. Loved it.

Stirring up such a riveting food conversation. Don't forget, you guys, that we are also now on Hulu, and you can get our episode. a day early on Hulu, as well as where we have always been. What a treat. Handsome. We're keeping it handsome everywhere. We are.

That's right. Yeah, we are. We can't help ourselves. We sure can't. I'm on tour. Yeah, what do you tell me, Fortune? But first off, before that, catches May 4th at the Wiltern. Yes, please.

The Handsome Pod in Los Angeles as part of the Netflix is a joke festival. Yeah, there's still some tickets left, but not many, so snatch them up. That's right. And then starting May 8th, I'm in Toronto, then Redding, Pennsylvania. Then I'm doing my Europe run, the end of May in Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London, and Dublin. And then back in the States in Rochester, Minnesota, Sierra Rapids, Omaha, Portland, Maine, and Detroit. And I'm going to add in a bunch of dates soon as well. What about you, May?

You still out there in that boost? I got one little chunk of shows left. I'm almost at the end of the tour, but you can catch me in Denver, Colorado. I'm doing two shows on May 8th, Kansas City on May 9th, St. Louis, May 10th, and Nashville on May 11th. I'm really excited to be back in Nashville, especially. Thank you. For all of those places. But, yeah, check out Mayamartin.net.

That's right. And you can check out my tour dates at tignotaro.com. Come on and see me. Well, in that case, all that remains is to say, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tignitaro, and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Wulet. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at HandsomPod. What a podcast.

What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that I've got my handsome tuxedo ready to go before a big event. Big mistake. Now I'm walking the red carpet and a t-shirt and jeans. Yeah, check in first is smart.

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Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.