Handsome - Jack Whitehall asks about aliens

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Handsome gets far-out with a question about aliens from the comedian Jack Whitehall! Plus murder mystery theater, tampon trucks, and more! We have a LOVE-themed live streaming show, February 12! Tickets here: https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-podcast-1 Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster Follow us on social media: @handsomepod Merch: handsomepod.com Email the show: [e-mail] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, we listened to your suggestions and guess what? We have new merch. Go to handsomepod.com to check it out. We have pretty little lady sweatshirts, little cowboy baseball hats, a what a podcast travel mug and a new pack of stickers including Mayfax and Pompies. Again, go to handsomepod.com to get your handsome merch. Hey, handsome listeners. We're very excited to announce a handsome live show on Monday, February 12th

that you can stream from anywhere in the world. Our first show was so much fun that we're doing it again and we'll be taking your guys' questions. Plus, we're going to have a bunch of surprises and maybe a special guest or two so get tickets at dynastytypewriter.com now and join us again it's february 12th your link will last all week and you can get tickets at dynastytypewriter.com Handsome Pod Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod

Cheers! Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined, of course, by my extremely handsome co-hosts and friends, I would say, at this stage. Oh yeah! I'm Fortune Beamster. And I am Tig Notaro. Hi, guys. And we're handsome.

We've been keeping it handsome since the last podcast where we suggested that everyone keep it handsome. And we continue to do that. We walk the walk. Yeah. I've done six push-ups today. You did? Yeah.

I woke up early. And thanks to Tig, who texted me uh her excitement about it last night i treaded water again no today today and for 30 minutes shut up fortune my head is exploding tell me about it i'm truly blown away by this i'm really obsessed with it okay i don't want to beat a dead horse because i talked about a lot of last episode but i'm so excited really love it may you're welcome to come over and tread water anytime i want to because i i don't want to do it in a public pool where there's old ladies trying to pass me i gotta do it in someone's private pool okay but listen thomas put this on the list the three of us treading water. Yes. And I will gladly be the old lady that swims past you.

Okay, we have to do it. Well, I'll gladly do it with you guys for sure. Okay. But I'm not sure if I'm ready for a public pool by myself yet. No. Because I have to listen to like a show or music. I don't know if I could just do it for 30 minutes thinking okay whatever what about this could you do could you do a podcast while doing it could we record an episode if we

all had those headsets on that fortune's wearing yeah i'm wearing a headset right now yeah uh yeah why not i mean we need a long cord no thomas could hold a boom yeah oh yeah thomas thomas we need a long boom but no microphone yeah i feel so good after i do it and i told jacks i was like am i gonna do this this coming week before radio every day and she goes i think you should so yeah what does she think about it she thinks it's great i mean listen anything that i'm doing that's a health benefit she's a big fan of because i go through my you know resistance to it such a good way to wake up though like it is i feel so refreshed that's why my hair is wet now tell, tell me this. Maybe this is because I've had, you know,

surgeries that have stiffened my body, and I'm almost 53, but do you feel, because once I tread water, I feel so loose and flexible. Really? I feel strong. I just feel strong. Yeah. I feel, like, awake and strong.

Yeah. It's pretty great. That's awesome. I'm really glad that you clarified that your hair is wet, because I kind of thought it was, like, a look like a kind of uh not being a greaser from the movie were you thinking how are we gonna tell fortune that she looks like maybe like a crisp made some bad fashion decisions i picked a really bad gel your hair is real crispy crunchy right now it is weird to see me with wet hair because I'm usually have the big fro this is my final treading water question

how was it bumping from were you doing 20 yep bumping 20 to 30 yeah it was not bad it was not a bad bump okay because I'm listening to a podcast yeah i'm just thinking like yeah enjoying the podcast not really thinking i've been in there 10 more minutes and once you pass like a certain threshold the endorphins are already flowing you can just keep going yeah i think so yeah it's a matter of just making the time to do it yeah what podcast do you listen to is it one about the pied piper yeah i Yeah, I was learning about the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Good memory. Wow.

Yeah. Come on, guys. Bringing Damar Hamlin back. If you're listening from Hamlin, shout out to Hamlin. That's right, Hamlin. So that was my morning. I'm happy to be here. Nice.

I'm hungover. You're hungover. I'm a little hungover, yeah. I went went to a holiday party a sort of a nice gathering and i met tig's lawyer yeah yep yeah i love it when you hang out with tig's lawyer yeah i mean you you were meant to be there tig and instead of um your lovely lawyer was there what a charming man i know i know he and his family are wonderful yeah yeah stephanie got she was feeling under the weather so she uh got in bed at i think like six or something oh man and then she was like you can go without me and i was like nah yeah i don't know if i can i don't know i can just found myself sometimes i'm like a bit of a broken record at a party.

Like I, I recently did another immersive experience, like an immersive theater experience, a scary one. And I just, every conversation I was in, I was going, you ever done this immersive experience?

Oh my God. Hilarious. Get something else to say. Like I, so an immersive theater. Yeah. What is that? Oh,

maybe this should be another handsome outing but i truly can't go back because i've done it twice and i think the actors would start to think i was creepy if i went back but this is an experience called the willows in la and this is not like the movie willow that you two don't remember not only don't remember never heard of it is not related to willow whatever go on cork it electric slide so this is you go to a residential house in like koreatown what i know you're already pumped you get to see a residential house and there's like 10 guests who are not actors and you arrive with your group and you're and then there's a family inside and they're they're all actors and there's like an old lady

and there's the patriarch and there's the crazy young boy and they're like they're like oh thank you so much for coming you know to honor jonathan because jonathan's dead oh no yeah and you're like you kind of just get swept up in the plot and then you all sit down to dinner. You eat a real dinner with his family. But you're like at a wake or something? Yes. And shit starts to get freaky. Like people are making toast to Jonathan

and you start to kind of piece together. Oh, okay. Maybe something sketchy happened here. This is classic me. Then they take you off into private rooms and stuff and everyone has a different experience and i found myself like one-on-one with this actor who's like a scullery maid she's like and she's like oh well she wasn't british actually that's okay you know we're dazzled by debbie yeah and she's like oh you're not safe here you've got to get out and i'm like what do i do

oh i found jonathan didn't i oh and she was in the bath oh it was awful and then all of a sudden the bath starts running by itself and that like shit oh no it starts to get really scary and then i'm just trying to make i i got very uncomfortable if anyone tried to be funny that wasn't an actor you wanted it to be all real yes and then um in the end they kind of i don't want to spoil it but they pick one person please don't spoil it because two you know are definitely we are next in line that's unfortunate i have side plans i actually don't want to spoil it but it basically is very intense and intimate and fun and weird you guys have to go and then as you're in your car you go where's my wallet yeah fortune would you do that i if may had asked me to

do that i would have been like that sounds odd but if you're really wanting to do that let's let's do it at one point i ended up tied up in a basement with a bag over my head exactly okay here's the thing i feel like you're ringing the doorbell to say hi i'm here to be murdered right yeah that does feel like that vibe at first if you're walking to a residential area it's a whole world of immersive theater but yeah it would be very easy to kill someone for sure but um the best part of it was so you're sitting at the dinner table and going around and there's like the the guests and then the actors will do little monologues and like

they'll be like i'm conrad i was i was jonathan's brother and then so then this woman who's sort of dressed kind of kooky gets up she's like my name is feather and i am a hairdresser she's like i was a hairdresser for jonathan and then she keeps kind of heckling and stuff and i slowly realized this is just a a guest like me not one of the actors oh no she was trying to be a part of it she was trying to be a part of it and she was taking it so far like she was touching everyone she was no oh well jonathan i'm surprised that anything went off the rails in this situation what a curveball oh my god you're saying you rang a doorbell in korea town someone tied you up in a basement and some lunatic lady is walking around lying also and touching people i would have gotten right out of

there oh my god that is wild yes i will never do that i don't know if i'm someone you'd want to do that with but i'm a hard pass you would not be someone to do that with because the whole time you're like all right what are we doing yeah okay weirdo out of my way clown i don't care whose house this is i think we should design and develop an immersive experience where people it's our we we rent a house people know it's your house it's my house yeah and people come in and tig tells them boring stories to put them to bed oh my god i need that's terrible i need to record the audio at night when i go into my son's bedroom and when they're like when they say mayor will you tell us boring stories and then i should record my boring stories for you guys this reminds me of the time i took a former girlfriend to a murder mystery dinner i love it um thinking that this was going to be so fun and like something new to do and it was at like uh the bottom like banquet hall of a like Holiday Inn Express out by the airport oh my god like you know this

is like dinner will be served and like the description of it all sounded very like classy for the internet I mean is it like they give you like a bread roll and a tomato soup I should have read the Yelp reviews i didn't i took them for their word but this was the classy evening you're supposed to get dressed up because at first it doesn't tell you like what hotel just tells you like oh it's in like santa monica or something like well of course they're not gonna tell you it's the ramada inn that's what goes on in Ramada Inn basements. And then we dressed up and I go, wait, this is like at the airport.

And then we get there and they like give you name tags. And we're like, oh, God. And then the whole thing. And then, you know, we sit, we're in the Ramada Inn basement and the food is just like disgusting. Like watered down carrot soup. Yeah, the watered down water. It's like so... How much were the tickets to this horrendous evening?

It's probably not cheap. Give me a ballpark. 20 bucks each, 200 each. Probably like 75. You fool. And then they started to perform you know everyone's eating dinner and then all of a sudden it's like one guy stands up like oh no we have something everyone stop eating put your forks down you know and then like someone's like hunched over with a knife by the rack.

This person has been murdered. And you're like, you can't say murdered like that. I don't believe you. You can't say murdered. Did you say that? Yeah. And then I did recognize one of the guys in the cast. No.

Well, now I really am not believing this. Was it Tom Hanks? He's falling in her hanks i would not put it past hanks to do this hanks is doing it for the love of the craft he just needs to be acting most nights he wants to be acting that's right yeah yeah that is so funny it was not my best it was not my best day tried. That's such a fun story to have. Like you could enjoy how bad it was. No, I know. When you're at strange,

you're at table with a bunch of strangers and they're like, so what do you do? What do you do? And then we have a murder. You're literally describing my dream date. This is my dream. I love this. Well,

that is true. I mean, I, every time something goes awry and obviously this is not breaking news, but if it doesn't go off in the most magnificent way and it just tanks, I am equally as thankful for what I have been gifted with this horribly embarrassing off the rails experience. I'm sitting there in a tie. Oh, my God.

We've been talking about it on the podcast. I've been treading water lately. Just a few minutes out of my day that I take for myself to do something that's good for me. I wake up feeling better. I have more energy. And you know, small actions like that can have big benefits, like how taking care of your gut can support whole body health. Well, Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two little capsules a day. Now, I've been using Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic, and it's great. My skin feels better. I feel better. It's just good. So trust your gut with Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash handsome and use code 25handsome to get 25% off your first month.

That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash handsome, code 25handsome. I love the show hacks, and it is back baby for season three. That's right. We are going to see what kind of antics Debra Vance is up to this season. She is such a treat to watch because who doesn't love Jean Smart? She is so freaking talented. Now season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up, and I highly recommend that you do so before season three starts. There is also an official Hacks podcast. In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Agnello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. So check out that podcast, but watch Hacks streaming exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'd be really happy if my career sort of ended to just just be a part of immersive i would like to design escape rooms and immersive dinner theater get started yeah what about that one of those sexy ones wasn't there like a it's kind of like sleep no more or something oh yeah sleep no more it's really hot is that immersive yeah for sure and but it's sexy i could see you being a part of a sexy one. Fortune. Fortune? That's a little cowboy. A little cowboy could be leading people in their rooms going, what is your fantasy? Something like that.

Not just leading them in, lassoing them. I mean, I don't think you can touch them. I don't think you can touch them. You can, though. You can?

Well, first of all, in my one, you can. You sign up for them before you go in but also at the at the willows they were all over me so wait you're signing a document that says um you can be touched and then you check it off and sign your name i did that and then also it kind of brought out the worst of me because i can get kind of uptight about not messing with the experience.

Like I want to be immersed. So before we went in, I was with Sabrina, Julisse and my girlfriend and a couple of people. And I said, guys, this is not about us stealing the show. We just got to go along with it. Like just let it wash over you. Be immersed and just, you know, be yourself. Don't be crazy. So then before we go in, this guy's like giving us the safety rules and he's talking really,

he's in a cape and he's talking really, he's like, he's like, there's a safe word. Once you're in there, if you become overwhelmed and please, you know, separate, have your own experience. Then he goes, does anyone have any questions? And my girlfriend goes, are you a werewolf? And I went, I walked away. I, I, I, it brought out such a bad side. I was like, I got to leave. I was like, what are you doing? I and i went i i walked away i i it brought out such a bad side i was like i gotta leave i was like what are you doing i just said please and i said please let this wash over this

wash over you and she was like what i wanted to know if he was a werewolf he looked he was in a cape he looked and i was like why am i being the most uptight least fun person ever my question is is that really her voice are you a werewolf you? You know what? When I do her voice, I do it like that. But she definitely has a sometimes like a sort of... Oh my God, you're a werewolf. It's not. It's a really sexy voice. It's sort of an iconically sexy voice, I would say.

I get told that a lot as well. I also have that. I get told that a lot as well i also have that i get told that a lot as well that's so weird that she gets that because i also get that but seriously are you a werewolf are you a werewolf i need to know if you're a werewolf before i go in there and get touched i checked the box that said i could get touched and i just need to know if a werewolf's gonna touch me yeah i'm turned on by that oh may i'm pretty basic you know i will say the cape would have thrown me off too yeah you're like we're going into a real experience let it wash over you and then a guy's in a cape i'm like may are you i heard what you told me but also can we acknowledge that this guy is in a cape?

Yeah, she was just having a good time, you know? Would you have been taken out of this immersive experience if they had said at the table, Jonathan has been mad? I would have been like, okay, and that's the choice they're making and I'm letting it wash over me. I like how you said wash wash over you why do people say wash i've never heard someone do that southern drawl oh really yeah but people in like pennsylvania say it they do yeah they'll be like i have to wash my clothes well we're gonna need people from pennsylvania to weigh in on this i've never

of course two against one yeah of course sometimes we're all on the same page no have we been no this podcast is a disaster what a podcast disaster what what a podcast disaster, but you're a little hungover today, maybe. Oh, right. Because you're very social. Yes, I'm a little hungover. I will say, maybe this will stop at some point, but like every sort of three months or something, I decide I want to go dancing.

And I'm a really self-conscious dancer. I'm not a good dancer, but I really love it if I get into it. And so I'll find like a 90s club night or something and I'll go. And I'm a really self-conscious dancer. I'm not a good dancer, but I really love it if I get into it. And so I'll find like a 90s club night or something and I'll go. But I have to be I have to get to a really take level like I have to do a few shots and stuff. And that's like I'll let myself get really and then sweat it out on the dance floor. Stephanie and I were just talking about how we would love to make plans to go dancing and neither of us are dancing folk. Yes. And I love to dance.

Put it on the list, Thomas. I don't want to brag, but I'm actually a pretty good dancer. Oh, I don't doubt that. Yeah. Let's go. I got some rhythm. Okay. Well, put it on the list.

I used to go to the, it's closed now, which is heartbreaking, but I used to go to the it's closed now which is a heartbreaking but i used to go to the gay country western bar and oh in the valley yeah and i am a very good two-stepper oh no way i would twirl i would i could lead and follow so i would twirl people around the the dance floor and do all the moves because my good friend in college taught me how to salsa dance whoa so i i incorporated my salsa moves into two-stepping then there was like some ballroom some gay ballroom dancer guys who were like oh she knows how to dance so they go do you want to dance and then they twirled me around the floor little lady i was a pretty lady. Would you ever go on Dancing with the Stars? And would you go with a male partner or a female partner?

Oh, that's a good question. Honestly, I don't. I've turned down a lot of those big reality shows. I don't know. I think I would say no. Yeah. But if I did do it, I don't know. I would be open to either.

Yeah. See, if I did dancing with the stars i would be if i was on if i was mike you'd hear oh oh jesus oh oh god and then they would just send me to the emergency room yeah i love dancing but my my dad's got good rhythm so my mother was a dancer oh Oh, nice. Yeah. My parents had a house party the other day, or about six months ago. And I wasn't there, but they said, yeah.

And then we ended up dancing. All of our friends there in their mid-60s, we put music on, we were dancing. And there were like four injuries. It was like, yeah. And so they were bummed about it after. We got a torn hammy over here. Like bulging discs. May, would you go on Dancing with the Stars?

If no one would watch it, like if it was just, hey, would you spend months learning dancing and competing with it? Then that sounds great. But people watching it. Well, that would just be dance lessons, May. Yeah, just go to Arthur Murray. Or whatever it's called. Well, that would just be dance lessons, Mae. Yeah, just go to Arthur Murray. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That is just having dance lessons. Or just rent a VHS tape of how to do different dances. Do you know in Saturday Night Fever, the pairs dancing routine that Travolta does with his partner, I think to More Than a Woman, and I'd love to learn that with someone where i get to be him you're looking handsome you're looking i believe that that was that just shot to number one us together we're keeping it handsome let's hear our question uh i'm very excited because this is a very kind man who i really enjoy uh we have a question from jack whitehall who um i became very aware of when

i lived in england he's an english comedian and an actor uh he also starred as alfie in the sitcom bad education i thought you're gonna say start as as Alf He also starred as Alf I wish He was also in a show called Fresh Meat With a lot of friends of mine It was a huge sitcom in England That was really really good You know him from the movie Jungle Cruise He's hilarious in that movie

And he tours the world doing stand up And he's got a very funny show actually with his dad He and his father are kind of In uncomfortable situations And they have great chemistry um he's like huge and i mean he he's known here too obviously he's doing all these movies but he's massive huge in england massive he's like massive arenas and stuff yeah yeah it's crazy how comics in england can do arena tours and it just it's like its own little world there yeah i did new faces with him

at this uh big festival they call uh you guys know what it is i'm just telling our listeners uh just for laughs in montreal we did it in 2010 wow this is a while ago yeah and the whole festival was like he was in my new faces with me but they all were losing their minds over him he was in my new faces with me, but they all were losing their minds over him. He was already getting that huge in 2010. And like, yeah, they were all like, this is the guy.

This is, and he's, yeah, he's like performing for like the Royals and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he,

I saw, are you, but just privately, you don't secretly. Yeah. I got him to, to ask this question when we were in montreal fortune doing that um vr show the i know i was i was with you oh you were with me when i asked him or no you asked him oh my god it was a special moment clearly i said may

you ask him and you're like i i don't know what did i go whatever i'm just gonna ask him oh my god you're so right that i rewrote that whole i was like yeah i remember that yeah yeah it was fully you that asked him that's really funny um okay this is our question from jack whitehall hello um so i was gonna ask you about how you clean your assholes but apparently that question has already been asked so instead i will ask you do you believe that there are aliens out there out where out there doesn't have a lovely a lovely voice he does he does but not nearly as nice as aliens i have i i i'm 100 on board with aliens i think they walk among us yeah really i don't know about walking among us actually but there is a documentary on on amazon called phenomenon that's like there is so much documented sort of government stuff about unexplained things that defy the laws of

physics moving through the sky and i mean for decades and decades i mean the navy released those videos a couple years ago shot by navy pilots but i sometimes have a theory that i sometimes have this theory other times not that um ufos that we're seeing it's actually us from the future and we figured out time travel and we've not, that UFOs that we're seeing, it's actually us from the future and we figured out time travel and we've come back and that's why we're not sort of making contact. We're just coming to look. What do you think?

Write that movie, Mae. Write that movie. Do you think? Because you know how everyone describes aliens with those big almond eyes, but they have a kind of humanoid structure that could be how we evolve to look because we just stay indoors all the time and we're just on our phones and we we become gray gelatinous big-eyed little freaks our heads have become just i have been moved from the shape of

our phones pushing into them yeah well for me bluetooth in my ear but yes yeah yeah yeah so your one ear has become yeah my thing is with uh ufos well we're talking about aliens but i feel like they're it's all encompassing yeah you can talk about ufos what i want to say about ufos is when there is a sighting and it's on the news or whatever people are like there are ufos do you believe in you don't believe in do you ufos all it stands for is unidentified flying object so i could throw something through my house and somebody doesn't know what just flew by them? And I could be like, that's a UFO. It's an unidentified flying object. So I believe, my point is, I believe in UFOs because I think you can't identify all objects that are flying.

But what about when they behave in ways that defy the laws of physics? Like those videos that the Navy pilots shot that they're accelerating at such crazy speeds and they're changing direction midair and there are things that it's not like it could be you know technology from china or russia that we don't know about yet like it there is no way that i'm not doubting there are aliens and alien spacecraft or whatever's going on. I just feel like people get so worked up when they're like, they spotted a UFO. And that's just a technical term.

Yeah, for sure. And people hear it as, oh, there's a flying saucer hovering over the United States. And sometimes maybe there is. But other times it's just like, whoa, this this thing we saw we don't know what that was i never knew how i felt about it but i always was like clearly there's got to be something to this because it keeps getting brought up all the time people are having experiences they can't explain they're having these vivid recollections of something coming down you know i have a friend that's high up in one of those armed services

and i was like are there aliens and she was like all i can say is that and this was pre those videos being released um is that there are things out there that we cannot explain i love that i'm so ready i think it would i hope it would unify us as a species to it definitely would not i was gonna say there's no there's too many egos and no it didn't even unify us yeah people dying didn't even unify us you're so right it would be it would just become like a uh yeah it would be another one side believes this and one side believes that you're right unfortunately it'll become like a campaign like tool yeah yeah shit i recently recently interviewed a scientist about this and he's talking about all the technology that they are

identifying wait who interviewed you and who oh uh sorry uh all my radio show with tom pop oh i was like yeah you and Jax had an astronaut over. Jax tried to just randomly talk to scientists. But, you know, they've got the technology that they're discovering other things out there. And, you know, it definitely is like, okay, that we are clearly we're not alone. Yeah.

I love it. I mean, yeah, it would be crazy to imagine that we are alone, I guess. Like all the top guys. I mean, there was this thing. I don't know if you remember, like, how many years ago it was called Uwamuamua. Okay. I do not know this. Two against one.

Two against one. Uwamuamua. Thomas, do you remember Uwamuamua? do not know this two against one two against one oomooa mooa thomas do you remember oomooa mooa i don't three against one i i hope i didn't dream this oomooa mooa mooa okay oh yeah sounds very scientific it's like a disney ride i think it's a hawaiian word but basically there was this there was this asteroid, it was a sort of rock floating through our solar system. And we were tracking it and it was shaped in this long cylindrical way. And the weird thing was that it accelerated as it as it passed through like it, it accelerated instead of like a which a rock wouldn't do and it was shaped they

thought like a solar panel and they thought well maybe as it got close to the sun it accelerated like it was some alien technology that had been sent off however many thousands of years ago anyway it was called uamua and it was in the news a bunch and then we're just like anyway what are you having for dinner like we just move on and i'm like wait what like i know everyone just moves on i want to get tattooed on me but it looks a bit like a turd so i can't yeah oh don't get a turd on you couldn't you just get the words rather than poop doesn't yeah i guess i could it's not the coolest it's a long tattoo it's a lot of vowels to have on you there it is yes do not get that tattooed that is a giant dookie it is just a giant i'm sorry but it is that is the picture of a giant dookie in space yeah also you can yeah yeah it's very phallic as well a giant dookie in space depending on the

color that you have it on your they're like is that a dookie or a dong fortune fortune i mean we need to wash your mouth out with soap it's weird i'm always torn between like should we put should we be putting all of our money and resources into fixing the problems on earth i mean the three of us yeah wait that's not very much money and then we'd bring thomas our assistance all our savings together and we need to fix the problems all right i'm willing to do it we would we would all be to have spent all our money and they go guess what guys we didn't actually solve anything this didn't even touch the sides can we all have the glass um things over our heads like the um space astronauts where sure because we'd probably have to go out there and check on things and i have no desire to go to space nor do i i feel like maybe maybe i want to go i want to go yeah to a and populate a planet

just me just get everyone pregnant yeah i've never had any desire for uh space travel if i actually was faced with the opportunity, I don't know. I'd be absolutely terrified, but I am pretty fascinated. And did you know if you go in a hot air balloon, you can go, it's only like 62 miles up to get through the atmosphere and be in the darkness of space.

If you don't stop for gas and you're driving in a car, that's like less than an hour drive. It just seems like so much can go wrong on your way up but can you go into space in an air balloon because sign me up for that if this you definitely put that on the list no you can't you can't break the barrier can you yeah you go through the atmosphere okay let me tell you there is a guy called joe kittinger and i have his name tattooed on me and it was like 1950 i want to say it was but did you get the right name i don't know if i even spelled it right

i hope that every may fact is somehow a tattoo on you i don't i gotta stop just getting things i think are cool uh but he was a united states like pilot guy and he got in it he was the first person to go through the ozone layer and go into and see the curvature of the earth and see the darkness of space and he was in a hot air balloon in a space suit and he had oxygen but here's the thing no one had ever gone that high before and he had to jump out into the blackness of space and free fall back through and and no they had figured i'd do that stuff yeah you'd do that they were hoping that gravity would be enough to pull him back to earth but they weren't 100 sure and so he had to jump out and he did it and there's a video of it and he lost consciousness from the G-Force and just

free fell. And then his parachute was on a timer. He'd actually did it twice. And then... This doesn't seem worth it. His glove ripped. And so his hand swelled up to the size of a balloon. But then they have the footage.

So like a backup balloon. Yeah. He had a backup hand balloon. And when he landed, they have footage of him. They go and take off the helmet and they're like, what did you see? And he just starts sobbing from like the beauty of what he saw. It's very beautiful. Yeah.

So I got tattooed on me when I was 16. What Kittinger saw. Wow. Really a bad tattoo. Oh, wait. Oh, Mike's got a lot of tattoos this is the money shot right here wow that's a big one it's a big one and i don't even know what i meant i guess that he was misspelled by the way oh my god don't it well i think you're trying to

encapsulate the beauty yeah and the bravery i guess so i'm just surprised that at 16 you were so moved by that to get a tattoo i don't know that i was that deep at 16 yeah i was i was into him and then um in like 2012 red bull sponsored it was the first time they'd done it since then they had a guy go up in a hot air balloon and then jump and free fall but and and guess what joe kittinger was still alive and he was talking to the guy on a headset coaching him through it just being like you can do this i've done it myself and and then another guy comes in on the the thing and goes all right this is where you crack open that Red Bull. This is paying for this trip, baby. Come on, Red Bull, now.

Crack her open. Now, would you guys want to see an alien? Yeah, I want to see everything, you know? Would you get on? So if a spaceship landed, you're driving home, you're alone, dark, empty street.

It lands in front of your car. The guy gets out. The guy looks like your classic alien. Why alone? Why not have people so a sighting is more believable? That's true. Thank you. So you're with Stephanie and the alien says, guys, if you want, you can get on my spaceship. I can take you up to my planet.

And all I can tell you is it's better than here. It's awesome there. And we can pick up Max and Finn and the four of you can go. Would you want to do it? No. Cool. No, I don't. I have to agree with Tig. you don't trust this guy i don't want i'm

backing up like getting the hell out of there i don't want any part of this i just don't even know you know how i would possibly explain to my kids that yeah all their friends yeah we can't bring anyone else we're just gonna go like and they're like but how is it better and i'm like i don't know a martian told me an alien and we just we're just going yeah you know yeah that's true plus we have cats we'd have to like come the cats go to space and what do you do with your bank account like is money even relevant out there you know what always amuses me is that the words like when you're like we're going to space space space just means there's space up there it's like when you go to a party and you go where should i put my bag they go oh there's some space behind the couch and it's like we're calling that everything where the universe was formed we're just calling it space yeah he's

very into the semantics of this alien situation always but that always cracks me up that people are like oh yeah we're going to space and it truly just means it's just area up there yeah but when you say oh yeah i need my space you just need like some room yeah but nobody's like whoa she needs space just when one word can mean different things and that one always amuses me i mean we got to figure out interstellar travel that's the only way we're gonna find out like about other habitable planets and things like that but i've i really romanticized like early space travel where it was so dangerous but we were just being intrepid and there's this female astronaut this is boring yes yes i have like one more anecdote to tell related to space and i'm just like i just did the joe

kittinger thing maybe i need to just give it a rest this was your jam i love it there was a the first female astronaut sally ride yes i guess ride sally run yeah i don't know if those are i don't know i don't think those have anything to do there's no way to know that's not the chick from the challenger is it no that was krista mccullough or something like that yeah that made me never want to go to space oh that's so fucked up that yeah but so sally ride they were like i don't know if we can let a woman go to space it's i don't know and she was like trust me go to space. It's I don't know. And she was like, trust me, we can. I'm going to do it. And then they said to her, OK, are you going to have your period while you're in space? Because we're really worried about that. And she said, no, I'm not.

I know my schedule and I'm not an app on her phone. But she was like, 100 percent. I can guarantee i'm i'm not gonna get my period while i'm up there and they were like don't tell me don't tell me no it's worse than that they go no diarrhea they go what if you do she's like i'm not going to and then they go well we we want to send you up with some tampons she was going up for like three days and they went would a hundred tampons be enough whoa this was like the male astronauts just had no idea and they said by the way we're also going to be voting on what we think is best for your body yes exactly and so they ended up sending her up with a hundred tampons even though there was barely any room on this spaceship she's like i gotta plug my cooter yeah 30 times a day

also did these men not have mothers or wives or girlfriends they're not asking about their but i mean you would see a woman come into the house from costco yeah you know with like a huge truck backing up to the house and these guys are like i'm assuming that's for two days oh my god that's wild yeah you see that tampon truck just going around all neighborhoods backing up to people's houses i need a hundred more tampons wait is that a woman's voice fortune yeah hey i know i don't look like a woman, but I still need tampons. I got a cooter.

And the truck passes your house by. My favorite thing is when I go to buy tampons and the person at the store thinks that I'm buying them for my girlfriend. And I'm a boy and they go, hey, you're a good boyfriend doing this. And I'm like yeah yeah anyone that comments on that purchase that is so weird like why are you commenting on this like let me just get my ponds my tampon let me get my ponds and be out yeah plug that cooter right on up fortune oh my god stop in my house i'm bleeding hey i need you it's that time of the month like a like a milkman but a tampon man

yeah door is open just bring them right in i'm on the toilet the ice cream man hey i'm going to space give me 200 you're going to space up up and away this beautiful balloon that was a little late for the balloon reference by the way i'm going to space in a balloon i I was right on time. Crammed full of tampons. You got them in your ears, your nostrils. I got a jug of water, a Red Bull, and a hundred tampons. We're going to space, baby.

You're flying down from space. Or you're sponsored by plate. What is it? Platex? What? Platex? We don't even know the name. space or sponsored by plate what is it platex wait why can't i think of a single tampon brand and i've been using them my whole life why can't we it might be the brands? It might be. It might be Playtex. Is it?

Is there Playtex and Kotex? Oh, wait. Is it Playtex and Kotex? Hold on. I just said that. I know, but no. Playtex is right. I was right.

Okay. Is there Kotex? Is that like the knockoff brand? Thomas is nodding. Why is everything a kotex we should we should start our own kotex with a k we should start our own hamtex yes handsome tampons i'm plug her up plug her up gents plug them up oh my god we just did it we knew brands but didn't know brands that is crazy that i've been buying them my whole life and i couldn't think of a brand name i said play text and then

we were all like in there ob yeah ob yeah were you getting there we went from aliens to naming tampon brands if this is not the greatest podcast on earth i don't know what is in space yeah oh my lord is there such a thing as a like a tampon for your bum like a bum pun why do we need one i don't know if is your butt i don't know i don't know why do we need to plug our bell i don't know i don't know cork it oh my god should we hear what jack said yes yes let's hear let's get ourselves out of this tampon conversation no utter nonsense boulder dash and piffle if you ask me boulder dash and piffle that is the most british response i've ever heard also sounds like space names utter nonsense balderdash and piffle yeah he does not believe in it i'm even though i was there when he recorded this question i did not

remember that he came down so hard on that side that that's really coming down hard that is the language i'm not people i mean i'm honestly offended i've never heard piffle you could name your like cats utter nonsense balderdash and piffle utter nonsense balderdash and piffle had you used piffle when you lived in london i probably you know piffle i did a good prank in the writer's room the other day that i'm pretty proud of uh where because i i heard that when i wasn't in one of the writers said um said oh so this character is kind of a nincompoop and then she sort of stopped and went sorry can i say nincompoop and i found that really funny like she was worried oh i don't know if this is an offensive

word and so someone told me and we were laughing about it and i went okay i got this and then the next day i went in really serious and i sat down and i was like morning everyone um just really quickly and it's not a huge deal but i do have to address it we've had like our first hr complaint and apparently somebody and i don't want to name names use the word nincompoop and she turned bright she was genuinely for a minute she was like oh god i it was really satisfying i have a i have a writer's room bit that i did everyone's welcome to use it as long as you give me credit okay thomas has been there when i've done this when you have to get on a conference call with the network and studio and they're giving notes about the scripts and whatever i would push mute on that on the on the speakerphone that's in the middle of the table

and i'd be like you know what you can just shut up nobody here is taking your note this and everybody in the room was cringing i'd be like yeah listen to me stop talking for one minute oh you're an idiot you're all. And everybody is cringing with horror. I would be so mortified that I didn't really hit mute. Yeah, I'd be so scared. I'm well aware of, and I could casually, Thomas, you remember those days of, yeah. Yes. Yes.

Genius. I love that one. Horror. I'm going to do that. I'm going to try that. You should. I'm never going to do that. I'm such a pussy. You should. Fortune. Genius. I love that one. Horror. I'm going to do that. I'm going to try that. You should do that. I'm such a pussy. You should.

Fortune. Guys. Fortune. I'm a nincompoop. Fortune. Fortune. My God. We'll bleep that out.

Yeah. Thank you. We're going to start bleeping out everything that comes out of Fortune's mouth. I hope we're still doing this pod on April Fool's. We're going to start bleeping out everything that comes out of Fortune's mouth. I hope we're still doing this pod on April Fool's. Anyway, that was a good one, guys. We really hope we make it to April. Fingers crossed.

That's like when I was dating this girl once. I think it was maybe March. She was like, what should we do for Thanksgiving? I was like i think it was maybe march and she was like what should we do for thanksgiving and i was like oh my god i was truly stunned i was frozen in my footsteps oh my god i had not even considered anything like that i was like that's that's that's bold understandable uh for you to have those feelings about a relationship it's like i really hope we're doing this in april wait i hope we are too we're looking for we're like hoping for years yeah you're right i gotta get i gotta have more faith in us i'm gonna going to start planning my April Fool's Day prank. I hope we're still doing this in April.

May, I'll tell you a little secret. The podcast is doing well. Yeah, you're right. And we're going to keep going. Well, as long as people keep liking and subscribing and sharing. We do need that. We do. Yeah, what else should we say? Thanks so much for listening.

Yeah, we should say that we should say that yeah it's good people can buy merch uh which i'm really into our merch i think it's actually cool it's really good oh it's really good stuff yeah that's real handsomepod.com oh and also check out our youtube channel youtube.com slash at handsome pod uh and you can watch doing well is it yeah it's doing well people wanted to see our handsome faces yeah i think people are going to want to see my hair wet and me with a headset on it's definitely crispy gel let's be honest there's no gel yeah i'm actually going to be in jack uh jack's neck of the woods i'm doing shows in london yeah just here uh shortly i think next weekend uh the end of january at union chapel any london folks are listening i'll be there and uh amsterdam that. And then also I have Madison and Milwaukee,

Wisconsin, Houston, Los Angeles show, New York city and Toronto shows all at my website, fortunefever.com. You can get tickets and come see some live comedy. And I'm filming my special in Seattle in mid April. Come to that as well.

I actually don't have anything. I haven't thought this far ahead and I'm I'm uh in the writer's room uh just wrapping up and going into pre-production for this show so I got no I've always got like random LA live shows yeah check out my my Instagram for those I'm gonna be in Maine and Maryland and umstate New York. Go to tignotaro.com to get all of my show and ticket information. Also, if you're in LA, I'll be in at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter working on new stuff. Stephanie has been doing or did a show with me that we're gonna do uh more of called she said she said where we talk about our life together on stage and do some crowd interaction as well well

thanks for another absolutely lovely hangout you guys i really love talking to you both i love uh this part of my day it's the best and our listeners are great thank you for all the information you gave us today may that was a lot of facts seriously yeah and then no one's gonna fact check that's the people are loving correcting me online oh okay so they are fact but it's done with love right it's always with love it's done with love but then every once in a while there's just a very humorless kind of uh actually yeah actually it's done with love right it's always with love it's done with love but then every once in a while there's just a very humorless kind of uh actually yeah actually it's uh chris hatfield not tim hatfield and he's actually there's nothing better than somebody with no sense of humor that

gets upset by um comedy podcasts yes yes i love it although i like being corrected but yeah you gotta you gotta at least give me a little smiley emoji, but guys, I guess all that remains is to keep it. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced,

recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!