Handsome - Jamie Lee Curtis asks about spooky stuff

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Jamie Lee Curtis makes this Halloween especially Handsome with a spooky two-part question that has Tig, Mae, and Fortune musing about how to 'shock their mamas', sharing *Mae Facts*, and telling never-been-told stories!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail]'t forget to rate & review Handsome wherever you get your podcasts!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello handsome listeners, this is your friend Tig Notaro and I am joined on the handsome pod by Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster. And the three of us make one handsome trio. Yeah, we do. Hello, friends. Hi. How are you guys? I'm great.

It's so good to see you. Doing well. Always good to see your faces. This episode's going to come out on Halloween. I think that's pretty spicy. I know. It's a spicy meatball. I'm excited about the idea.

We do have a spicy meatball asking a question today. I know. I will say, this one's pretty great. I mean, when you think of Halloween and our favorite actress who's known for a movie called Halloween, I don't want to give it away. I'm excited. Are you guys big? Are you Halloween fans?

Tig, are you going to go trick-or-treating with the kids? Well, this year I'm sadly not going to be in town. It's going to be my first Halloween. Oh, no. Without my little cubs. Oh, no. Oh, no. I know.

It's a big, big, big day for them. I mean, my kids, no matter if they're in little three-piece suits and a bow tie, or they're in their swim trunks, or they're in their pajamas, they both always have Halloween socks on. Are you serious? Oh, yes, sirree. They, Stephanie and I are driven crazy slash can't believe how adorable it is. Yeah. And they just got new Halloween socks, which will last for the next couple of years. And the old ones that they have been wearing

are like three years old. They don't even really fit them there's holes they love halloween and they love their halloween socks and when they decorate our yard yeah with all of the garbage they buy from cvs or whatever right aid you know yeah yeah they truly when we have people come over they hide because they can't wait to see how spooked our friends are when they come over to the house that's oh my god they so believe that everyone is spooked beyond belief yeah by the garbage in our yard that's so good your friends are like the dig needs to clean up around here no stephanie would you really let in this out? My parents used to do that. The grass would grow really high and people were too lazy to cut it and the Halloween would roll

around and they were like, it's part of the ambiance. Right. I had some neighbors at Easter time that would let their yard grow so tall and then the dad would mow an Easter bunny trail through the yard oh it's good

yeah they they do their little egg hunt through the little uh lawnmower path yeah it works for all holidays because someone asked asked my parents at easter like that's so great that you guys let the grass grow for easter and they're like yeah and hanukkah I really miss like I know it's good to be um more safety conscious now but I do miss the anarchic Halloween's of like our childhoods where I remember going by myself with my friends when I was tiny and like going into people's houses they had haunted houses and like there was a garage like a car mechanic in my neighborhood and they would just do this horror maze through there and you'd go into the shop and in the it was awesome yeah i loved halloween now it's stranger danger stranger danger which of

course is very real yeah the big thing at my school was everyone wanted an invitation to kate davies halloween party and she would not invite everyone in the class which is oh that's mean The big thing at my school was everyone wanted an invitation to Kate Davies' Halloween party. And she would not invite everyone in the class, which is bold. Oh, that's mean. I know. I know. And she had this big house and they would go all out in the basement, smoke machine, strobe lights, and would go. And wouldn't invite everyone.

Isn't that wild? I would go. Can you even get away with that these days? Like now I think you just have to invite your whole class but back in the day they were like sorry you dumb bitches you're not coming to this party like back then i think you could just bully people and no one cared yeah whereas like now i do feel like you should you You should invite everyone. I guess it's a big house. That's a lot of kids, but it was a big house. Yeah, but man, it was fun.

And there was one year in grade six where it was like the word got around that our teacher, Miss Garot, was going to go to the party, which was wild considering all the kids weren't. But they had invited the teacher, and I had a huge crush on this teacher, but I didn't know that I did. But I was like, this is my chance to get her off school property to do what just to like I remember my mind being like oh my god I'm gonna see her just in a social setting like I'm gonna get to just chat to her so I remember all the kids are in the basement and I'm just up with the parents finally get her alone yeah i was just chilling with miss

ancient history quiz me quiz me i was i wanted any tidbit about her personal life that i just to know something about your teacher did seem like such a cool thing back in the day oh my god i remember in class one day she let slip she had a boyfriend called peter schmidt and i remember that name to this day and i sometimes google peter schmidt i'm like did they get married because i can't find her she was my favorite teacher i was like that too i wanted any piece of information i was in seventh grade and there was a really cute young teacher and she revealed she had a boyfriend and i think i was like oh yeah tell us about him she's like it's none of your business i was like okay and where does he live and what does he do yeah his name is peter schmidt oh my god he dated all the cool people like tell us about him. She's like, no. I remember being kind of devastated to hear that she had a boyfriend.

Tell us about him. Can you imagine? Let me just tell a bunch of 13-year-olds about my boyfriend. About my love life. I'm like, inquiring minds want to know, right, guys? And no one else is interested. You're just like, tell us. I'm like inquiring minds want to know right guys and no one else is interested you're just like tell us I'm like man I was like I would love to know more about you yes I remember um getting dressed to go to the party and and it was all about Miss Garot but I didn't in my head but I

didn't realize why but I dressed like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and I was maybe 12 or 13 and everyone else in my class was like a sexy spider. Like it was that age where people start trying to have hot Halloween costumes. And I wore like an open shirt and a white kind of suit, John Travolta. And I remember being like, hey, Miss Garot, what's up? May, this is insane.

I dressed as John Travolta. Shut up up you guys have a lot in common i know well fortune you and i were also um debutantes so that's true but yeah i my friends i was really close with these twins suzy and ally yeah and you know oftentimes when you're twins you're very popular yes i know because i have twins but um i was at suzy and ally's i think it was their halloween party and i dressed as john travolta maybe it was their birthday party and it was just a costume dress up birthday i don't know what was happening it was elementary school or you just decided i'm going well no it was greece okay and all of the girls dressed in poodle skirts yeah and all of that and like we're you know whatever the characters were in greece and then i showed up as john travolta yes and i think i was

in like maybe first grade oh little. And were you wearing like, what does he wear? Black t shirt, jeans, you know, I had a white t shirt, leather jacket, tennis shoes, and then my hair was slicked back. And you know, that's that thing where it's like, that's so awesome that my mother thought I looked so cool and takes me to this party, drops me off. And guess what I didn't account for? All of the girls wanted to dance with me and were kissing me on my cheek. And I was like, whoa, this was not in the plan. I was just here to look cool. Wow. You must have been really cool. My motorcycle is outside, and I'm going to hop on it and blaze if you cats don't step back, ladies. You were very convincing as Travolta.

Yeah, they went nuts. Yeah, for a lot of queer kids, Halloween's a chance to have that gender euphoria almost. You get to dress up how you feel inside yeah then why did i go dressed as alf i'm like wait a second we did big old man oh you don't have to describe it we saw it immediately where did you get the costume or did you build it i think it was like uh spencer's remember yeah you know spencer's gifts it's like it was a big um shop at the mall back in the day that had like and you were drawn to alf i it was a very popular sitcom at the time

how old were you i think i was like 12 12 or 13 so you were not interested in dating no i was a late bloomer let me tell you i did not i was so out to lunch when it came to all that stuff that is the funniest thing i've ever heard or thought of it didn't even occur to me i could go as john travolta. You showing up. With your curly blonde hair. Yeah, I just distinctly remember walking around in this giant Alf mask. And I think I had like brown shirt and pants on.

I love the idea. I can't either. And I love the idea that it's like John Travolta or Alf. Well, I guess I can't be John Travolta so i better be alf then why did i go as alf you guys are like so handsome in your costumes and i'm just an alien that talks well i mean you're essentially an aardvark. Is that what it is? I don't know. I never saw Alf, okay, to be honest.

Really? But why would I watch Alf? Fair point. If you youngins don't know of Alf, please Google it so you can see what I look like. What you did look like, not what you currently look like. Do you have a picture? No, I don't have any. I don't know why.

I never took pictures on my Halloween costumes. I only have a handful. I have a lot of pictures of me as Peter Pan. That was my go-to for a long time. Oh, you are so Peter Pan. Thanks. And also, people just didn't take as many pictures back then. I know.

I was also one year Dracula. I was also, I know, not a very politically correct word right now but a hobo um and uh you know had patches on my clothes people put a black black mark on one tooth um my mother painted a beard on me oh my god again I was like in second grade markers for a beard and one missing too well yeah and then a bottle of wine oh my god okay yeah but i do now that i think about it i give my mother so much credit that she was like putting me in john travolta outfits and then dressing me like a male hobo with a beard she saw you she you felt seen by her yeah sure sure let's go and then dracula and then now as an adult i always just go as an aging lesbian is what i tell her i'm bad about costumes now that

i'm older people are like what are you gonna be i'm like i don't know i dress up for work in costumes all the time i want to go with my girlfriend as barbie and ken this year i i would be ken sure um but also i hope i get to go trick-or-treating with with a kid um oh yeah with her daughter i bet you will well and and the kids like you know wants to be like the standard things i think it's you know unicorn pumpkin that kind of thing but i've got her really into wombats recently i just started talking about the animal wombat that you know, unicorn, pumpkin, that kind of thing. But I've got her really into wombats recently. I just started talking about the animal wombat that, you know, they poo cubes. They're cool looking.

They're interesting. And it's really captured her imagination. And I'm like kind of trying to be like, we could go as a wombat would be kind of cool. Like let's, you know, push the envelope. Yeah. And is she going to do it? No, no, definitely not.

Well, maybe float the ALF idea, Pastor. I have a weird relationship with Halloween because I got the Dickens scared out of me. The Kim Dickens. The Kim Dickens scared out of me. I don't know if it was just my parents or the time, the era, of they just wanted to scare the bejesus out of you and didn't think about the consequences yeah so there was a thing in my hometown where you just drove to a parking lot right an empty parking lot and we're in the car now my parents have not told us what we're doing

and it's the two of them in the front seat and I've got my brothers on both sides of me, and they just park in an empty parking lot. We're like, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. All of a sudden, all of these creatures and people and like Freddy Krueger descend upon our car or on the windshield, banging, chainsaw. And I'm like, oh my God. I'm screaming. I'm like, we are getting attacked this is a normal car ride and now we are under attack and i'm like why would you do that oh we need at least a pineapple

distance between us we've been talking about it on the podcast. I've been treading water lately. Just a few minutes out of my day that I take for myself to do something that's good for me. I wake up feeling better. I have more energy. And, you know, small actions like that can have big benefits. Like how taking care of your gut can support whole body health. Well, Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two little capsules a day. Now, I've been using Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic, and it's great. My skin feels better. I feel better. It's just good. So trust your gut with Seeds DS01 Daily

Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash handsome and use code 25handsome to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash handsome code 25 handsome i love the show hacks and it is back baby for season three that's right we are gonna see what kind of antics deborah vance is up to this season she is such a treat to watch because um who doesn't love je Smart? She is so freaking talented. Now, season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up,

and I highly recommend that you do so before season three starts. There is also an official Hacks podcast. In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Agnello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. So check out that podcast, but watch Hacks streaming exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. It's not like we paid a mission to go into a thing we are now in everyday life and then all of a sudden a chainsaw is at the window oh my god died that's so scary but i don't know if my parents just didn't have any sense because my mom was

also our i was in the girl scouts and i was in daisies which is five years old now the chainsaw incident was probably like nine years old so that was traumatic yeah but at five years old even more traumatic my mom was our daisy scout leader and as a field trip she decided to take our entire five-year-old girl scout troop to a haunted house oh my god we went through this haunted house we were my brother was there and my dad was there we were crawling on top of all of them screaming crying they had to shut down the haunted house turn the lights on and try to show us that it wasn't real. And we were just like. Like we could not stop screaming. Shut the haunted house down. I still do this.

I don't remember a lot of stuff from when I was five. But I remember that entire thing so vividly. And then when you leave the haunted house. There's a witch banging a gong. And we're just like screaming i love how a gong becomes terrifying i know i wasn't expecting a witch for a year after that oh my god i mean they stopped the haunted house to show us the chain and i look god bless these people they're trying to show us that the chainsaw to show us the chain. And God bless these people.

They're trying to show us that the chainsaw doesn't have a chain on it. We're five. We're like, we don't understand what that means. Did you continue to say, we're five, lady. I don't care where a chain is supposed to go. Look, kids, it's not even a real chainsaw. We're like, it looks like a real chainsaw you're like well that's a real gong oh it was crazy i mean yeah tell me it's the gong reel

i still laugh at my mom like what were you thinking she's like honestly i don't know that is so wild well we're so perfectly about to transition into our question but i will quickly say because you said aardvark and i just remembered a cool fact a fact which is a true story we need to get a may fact sound effect yeah as soon as may starts to go into a fact into one of their facts we have to play the may fact sound effect but I think it should be like, Well, that comes after the fact. So the fact is, this is a true story from the turn of the century. There was this guy who he went on trial for shooting his mother-in-law. And then it turned out what had actually happened.

And this is truly what had happened. He had shot at an aardvark. Those shells are so hard that the bullet bounced off, went through the window and hit the mother-in-law. And they were all like, bullshit. And then it was like, no, we got to find that aardvark because you're going to see a dent in its shell. But yeah, that's how hard the shell...

And wait, did they find the aardvark? They must have because he got off. They proved it. Well, you don't have more information on a on this mayfair no and i could not tell you where i read it or heard it but i know it that is not what's important what's important is that we have these mayfair that's true all we need is a seed of effect yeah well should we get into our uh questions let's do it yes i'm so excited okay i'm gonna do the honors and it truly is an honor okay our guest today asking a question it's jamie lee curtis folks she is a golden globe and oscar award-winning actress and producer known for her roles in hit movies like Halloween, True Lies, A Fish Called Wanda,

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, and also Knives Out, right? Oh, right. Of course. Yeah. Oh, man. She's the best. She's great. Yeah. Also, I want to say, just because I won't get to say it later, she is such an amazing advocate for trans rights and I think has a trans daughter. And I'm just always so grateful when I

see her posting. She's just so vocal. And she's so cool. So great. So personally, thank you for that, Jamie. Stephanie and I met Jamie Lee Curtis several years ago, but she was like, you have kids, right? And I said, Yeah. And you know, she wrote several children's books. And then, I don't know, the next day, a box of like 10 million books that she wrote showed up at our door. That's amazing. Yeah. So nice. So, so kind. Let's hear what she said. Hi there. It's Jamie Lee Curtis. Happy Halloween, everyone. Happy Halloween.

Yes. Iconic. It's Jamie Lee Curtis. Happy Halloween, everyone. Happy Halloween. Iconic. My question is really a two-part question. Okay. Because I really am two parts. That's up to you to decide what my two parts are, but I am a sort of two-part person. So the first part of the question is, what scares the fuck out of you? And the second part of the two-part question is when my daughter went to college, there were a lot of college parties,

and my favorite one that she went to was called Shock Your Mama. And what would be your costume to shock your mama? i will tell you that my daughter went as a conservative republican happy halloween everyone oh my god that's so funny that would shock your mama that's amazing wow that is first of all that so cool. Like what a perfect guest on our Halloween episode. Oh, come on. Yeah. Very spooky question. Feeling very handsome.

Jamie Lee Curtis is very handsome. However you want to define handsome. Yeah, absolutely. Which is the fun about the word, but very handsome. What scares the fuck out of you? Huh? I've got to think about it for a second because... I'll tell you. Okay. Climate change. Climate change. Climate tell you. Okay. Climate change. Climate change.

Climate change. Climate change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big natural disaster. Here's my feeling. If there is no planet, you have no room for politics, social issues.

Nothing matters if the planet is gone yeah so that should be in my mind the number one most important factor and it terrifies me because i mean it's a bummer to talk about but it scares me because the planet is just being destroyed right before our eyes. And truly, it's like, you want to fight Republicans and Democrats and the planet has to be here for any of that to matter. Yes. And it's so kind of humiliating for us as humans that, I mean, since I was a kid, I've been reading articles like, we need to act now. This is happening now. And it's, we just don't it's like

we're driving towards the edge of a cliff and we're just like well put on your seat belt instead of taking any of the turnoffs yeah all right we interviewed adam mckay on this radio show i do and on netflix and he you know was ringing the alarm bells in a way that like i was like he did that movie don't look up right yeah like yeah yeah so he did a lot of research about it and he goes it's really you know the alarm bells are sounding off like now and have been yeah i mean we're all gonna end up moving to canada when when it all starts kicking off and there's the water wars and the oh god this all got real heavy i know well that's what scares me when i

really think about i mean there's obviously so many things that scare me about this world and the politics and social issues my kids the world that they're living in but i always go back to first and foremost the planet has to survive in order for any of these issues to even matter. Yes. My mom gets really excited about space travel and space tourism. And I get that it's exciting, but I'm like, okay, but come on. I have no desire to go to space. No, thank you.

I'll move by the Great Lakes. Oh, yeah. Let's all live by the Great Lakes. Get some clean water over there. I'm pretty by the Great Lakes. Oh, yeah. Let's all live by the Great Lakes. I'm pretty scared of the ocean. The idea of being out of sight of land, just in the ocean or on a big boat that's sinking or something. Just the groaning waves and how powerful that cold water is in the dark. And you don't know what's underneath you.

There could be like an aquatic dinosaur that's still alive. That freaks me out. And also zombies. Is that short for zombies yeah yeah they like real oh i just said it but they call them zombs that's the first time i've done that but it felt good yeah zombs it's like a casual like like you know the old zombs that are around. Yeah, those spooky Zombs. They're like, to me, especially the fast zombies in movies, it's like a metaphor for just human rage. Like, it's about humanity and the worst parts of us.

And I think that's, and they never stop coming. You can't, they just keep coming and coming. Well, that's like the movie army of the dead that i was in those zombies like ran were you scared ones were they actually chasing you when you're filming no because i replaced an actor that got in trouble for sexual harassment and assault really yeah and so then the zombies didn't chase you because they were like well because the movie was you had to film after the movie yeah the movie was done and zach snyder the director he said he was looking at the movie and he was like i can't release this movie because he just that guy just

got in trouble yeah and so they erased the actor from the whole movie yeah and then zach gets me on a zoom and he's like can you come in and film this entire action zombie film by yourself on a green screen wow i would not pay to have footage of you i have it oh you gotta send it to you in front of the green screen i have it i have it i'm like machine gun flying a getaway helicopter. I'm like, there's a zombie in my helicopter. All by yourself. All by myself for like three weeks on a green screen. That's crazy. And also like huge props to Jamie Lee Curtis,

because I think fear is one of the hardest things to act because you know what's coming. You're not in a scary environment, but you're hyperventilating and it's really hard to act like you don't know what's you go worse trying to be scared all day the movie Halloween is one of my fears because my mom showed we're talking about parents scaring their kids my mom sat me down I was six years old put on Halloween I guess she loved the movie she wanted me and my brother to watch it I was traumatized so when he jumps on the car, he's escaped a mental asylum, I think, Michael Myers.

And man, which incidentally, the Michael Myers mask is actually a mask of William Shatner, Captain Kirk, which is painted white. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact.

Mayfact. Yeah. That is a scary movie. Fuck, so okay so zombies and then the ocean so you're not you don't go zoms zoms my bad zoms yeah yeah that's cool do you not go you don't go into the ocean as a result like you kind of stay away from swimming and stuff i'd swim in the sort of like really close to the shore but i would never take a cruise and i've seen the movie poseidon you know i i'm not getting on it may's no fool because you're because your fear is that an ancient an ancient water sore thing was gonna come up it's gonna come to life yeah like what you know the mariana's trench in the pacific ocean it's

like the deepest part of the it's like the deepest part of the ocean. Mayfack, Mayfack, Mayfack. Just knowing that it's there and it goes deep, deep down. Oh, like anything could be in there, right? Just pitch black, like what is in there? And more people have been to space than have been to the bottom of the ocean. We don't know what is in there. The ocean is vast.

Mae, this is where we're we're similar again even though i am terrified of climate change i cannot think of many other terrifying things aside from being not just okay this is gonna freak you out okay this is terrifying okay someone tosses you from a boat oh okay only that open water they leave guess what what it's nighttime oh no no that and you're just your little legs dangling in the deep it kind of gives you you better start learning to tread for an hour tread water yeah you got a good longer yeah i went snorkeling recently and i thought about that about the open water movie where the scuba diver couple got left behind or whatever. Oh, yeah. And I was like, I don't know what I would do.

I mean, it's terrifying. It's like you're helpless. Here's what I can suggest. When I am doing my, you know, hour long water and when I tread water, the way you can take a break is just floating on your back yeah that's scary in the osh though yeah but look if you're tired of treading you just take you just take a beat relax on your back and you're back up yeah okay yeah but the uh aquasaur is still gonna get you that's a good name aquasaur aquasaur well like the meg you know and and we do know like they recently found a god i got a lot of facts today but they found a a shark in still gonna get you that's a good name aquasaur aquasaur well like the meg you know and and we do

know like they recently found a god i got a lot of facts today but they found a a shark in the ocean that's 460 years old or something so it was around an old shark in the napoleon yeah it's blind you should see a picture of this thing it's like blind it's just like there's glasses it doesn't know why it's still alive it's just like why what am I doing? It's like, can someone please pull the plug? Totally. It was around in Napoleonic times. That's crazy to think about. May fact, may fact.

I'm embarrassed to share my thing I'm scared of. Is it you in a um alf suit no i'm embarrassed because yours was so you know important today again it is very scary because it's real yeah and mine's a little ridiculous but it's something i'm genuinely scared of okay so early on in my relationship with jacks i want to say this is like maybe three months in we had not gotten to the the phase the part of the relationship yet where you're like so comfortable that you're like you know you don't poop anywhere near that person you don't fart you don't burp you're minding all your p's and q's and at some point that seal has to break you don't know when that's gonna be but you're trying to prolong it as much as possible because you has to break you don't know when that's gonna be but you're trying to

prolong it as much as possible because you want to and you poop near her you want to keep the romance alive no no so we're sleeping and the morning is coming and i sneezed so hard and so loud that i involuntarily farted as loud as humanly possible i can't believe i'm telling you guys this but that's how much i love this handsome pod I stopped frozen froze I played possum like please lord please make it so don't let her know I'm still asleep I was like I don't I'm like we haven't broken the seal yet the romance is alive and well please I pray that she's still asleep and i'm just like dear lord tense like this not moving and all of i mean this was the loudest thing i've ever and and what scared me is that i had no control i sneezed and it was just like all beds are off everyone out Everyone out. And all of a sudden she starts going, dying laughing.

And I go, Oh my God. But she's laughing so hard that I start crying, laughing. We're like hyperventilating laughing. Nice moment. It was a nice moment, but it has made me realize that at any point in my life, I can sneeze, and that might happen. And it worked out in front of her.

And soil in your pants. It worked out in front of her. And I just am like, please, Lord, never let that happen on stage, on set stage and what did the lord say he said hold on little lady so it genuinely terrifies me that at some point that could happen and if it does i'm gonna come on the handsome pod and tell y'all about how i was humiliated would you rather you can never do comedy again oh god or you can keep doing i'll take it wow you're like i'm done you can never do comedy again or you can keep doing comedy but twice a year at a point a random point that you can't decide you are gonna fart so loud and long

and it could be on stage it could be in bed it could be anywhere god twice a year like really loud at that point i'd just have to own it i'd have to be like you know me you know what i mean like because it's my job it's like and i love it so i would have to be like guys you and that would just be what i say every time you You know me. You'd have to be like, guys, you're going to need to step back. And what about you, Mae? You'd do it. You'd be like, that's fine. I'm like fortune wear, especially if I'm dating someone.

Like my parents have been married 40 years. They've never peed in the same room as each other. They don't fart. Which is wild. And I know that I'm human. And I know I have fart in front of people. And actually, I find it very sexy when people are confident enough to fart around me.

Like, I think that's awesome. Like when people even fart as a punchline to something, like nothing is more attractive. I'm not into fart punchlines. It cracks me up when some beautiful woman

is like confident enough to fart. I love it. I don't have a fart fetish. It's the confidence. Yeah, so don't go farting around me. Don't go farting on me, but.

And I don't even normally talk about farts or say farts, but I just had to share this. I don't normally say farts. I'm normally a lady. But I'm the same. I think if I farted around my girlfriend now, I'd be like, well, goodbye. And I'd pack a suitcase and I'd move to Kansas

and become like a pencil. We have a joke that if I fart in front of her, I'll go, well, goodbye. And I'll go become a pencil salesman. i don't know where that part came from but would she want you to pack up and go to kansas no she's like just fart get it let it rip it's gonna happen at some point well now it's like whatever but it was that it's the first one it's when you hit the first one now it's like whatever i mean that's the thing it's like we've been together for eight and a half years. It's going to happen.

But it's that first, it's breaking the seal that's like. I'd give up comedy. It's the point of no return, right? That's what it is. Right. I have a friend whose mother was very not humorous. Yeah. She was very like this.

Hello. And she would pass gas and then say, excuse me. That's so good. That's so good. Excuse me. Yeah. It would just be like, you know, would Fortune and May like to stay for dinner? Excuse me.

With it not registering on her face at all. It was just a matter of fact. I have gas and excuse me. That it not registering on her face at all. It was just a matter of fact. I have gas and excuse me. That's so good. So you would be hot for her, Mae. I mean, it's... Yeah, I'd give up comedy. Mae's looking for a gassy gal.

I'm not, girl. I'm not. Excuse me. I don't want her. I don't want her. I don't want her. Wait, so what was the other question? Jamie Lee Curtis, her other question was, what would you dress up as that would shock your mama?

Shock your mama. What costume would shock your mama? That's so funny that her daughter dressed as a Republican. Yeah. My mom would probably be shocked if I was in like a hoochie outfit a hoochie that's what i was thinking you know like a short skirt my mom would love halter top i know my mom like fully accepts me and who i am but i know if i one day was like you know what i think i'm gonna start wearing a little halter top and a skirt she'd'd be like, amazing. She'd be so, yeah. They're like, finally.

I remember asking my mother, I was like, what would you do if I told you one day that I was in love with a guy and I was running off to get married? She said, I would think you were crazy. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I was like, oh, good.

She gets it. Yeah. Yeah, what would shock my mom? The problem is I've been in so many costumes in my career from the groundlings days and from chelsea lately like i have been in i willingly now go into my hot tub in a baby in a one-piece bathing suit with a wig on and turquoise jewelry to play my character brenda he says i swear to god tim so like i don't know if i could shock my mom she's seen me be so many different people in my career is this for a costume or like an actual i'm thinking more broadly like a concept yeah because if you got out of the

business yeah of comedy and we're yeah you're carrying a briefcase and that'd shock your mama that's i know what my mom hates is baseball caps and and she doesn't mind telling me i wore one the other day to see a movie with her and she we stopped walking at a stoplight and she turned to me and goes i have to say something i was like okay and she we stopped walking at a stoplight and she turned to me and goes I have to say something I was like okay and she goes I hate that baseball hat whoa I was like whoa and I kind of laughed I was like all right well you know so maybe a baseball hat what would you wear to I would shock my mama well I mean my mother was a dancer and she did ballet. And I guess when I picture myself in a leotard and tutu and I came home dancing. You came home on the tips of your toes.

Yeah, the tips of my toes. I think that would shock my mama. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I like that. Because this is the person that dressed me as John Travolta and a hobo with a bottle of wine, five o'clock shadow. Yeah. And said that she'd say I was crazy if I was going off to marry a man.

She knew who you were before you did. Yeah. I have been in leotards. I have dressed in leotards and ribbon danced. Ribbon danced. Once once again against your will in my will um in my will why were you doing that uh that would have been the chelsea lately days they would put me in a leotard and i would just go out and ribbon dance were you like a little kid sister that they just dressed up oh yeah i was like a doll like a large

doll did you feel free doing that ribbon dance it looks like a very kind of liberating yeah yeah i don't really have any qualms about like dressing up as things or, which is funny with Halloween that I'm like, anytime it comes to a costume for Halloween, I am legit. Like I have no idea what to go for Halloween, but then if, if it's for like a sketch or, or just like a Wednesday afternoon,

I'm like putting on all these, you know, this jewelry and I'm in a wedge and I'm got giant sunglasses i've got makeup and it's like no i think it's so funny and then you're like what are you going for halloween i'm like i don't know i have no idea i have costume chests around my house with just wigs i when we sold our last house i had to throw a lot of it away because it had been just sitting in my garage. But I have tons of wigs, costume jewelry. At any point, I could create a character.

Stephanie told me when she went to New York to audition for SNL, her suitcase went through the, you know, thing. Yeah. Whatever. And it was just full of wigs. And she said that they opened it and searched it and she just looked like something was terribly off with her yeah in what world when jack's moved in with me she started opening up these chests of wigs and like very random props and she was like what is you're kinky yeah like she thought i was a freak i was like oh these are

just from my groundlings days that's work stuff close that close that chest yeah that's for the office excuse me i've had that at airports uh going through security with and they find like a like a strap on it might oh no if I'm traveling just with hand luggage and then think that's real bad that's not a good moment and I've had that also going into like I was going on a date and I what do you do like I knew I wanted to have this with me this implement you know and I had it just in my knapsack and we were going to see a concert and then they're checking back they're checking knapsacks at the door and i've got a strap on in my knapsack and i was like sweating because also it's very presumptuous because you know i i thought i was gonna be having sex first date it was like a third

day like and i sort of we'd had sex before but it's still presumptuous to be like i got brought my dick in my back so then I'm going through security and I just thought oh so I I see the guy open the bag and he's looking through it I see him see it and we have eye contact and my eyes are saying please please don't say anything and he yeah god bless this man was just like on your cue go ahead yeah well I would imagine they come across so much stuff. So many. In security. ALF masks, all kinds of shit. ALF masks, yeah. I mean, people got things to do across the country.

Across the country. He's like, here, take your wand and get out of here. What are you, a witch? Where's your gong? Is this your gong oh my god yeah anyway um well those were great amazing amazing questions should we hear what jamie's answer yes please i think what scares the shit out of me is the amount of hatred and bile being spewed from human being to human being. It just feels like the internet has unleashed this filter-less way of communicating. culture-less way of communicating, it just feels like humanity is gone. And civilization and a civilized society where people talk to each other and listen to each other is just gone. And that scares the shit out of me. And what would shock my mama? Hmm. I think what would shock my mama would have been Deirdre Bobeirdre in Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. I think she would have been shocked by what I looked like in the movie. I think she would have completely freaked out if she had seen me in the

movie. And so I think if I was going to go to a shock your mama party, I would go as Deirdre Bobeirdre and let it all hang out. Thanks for asking me to be on your nice show pod. Yeah, I really, I really relate to that feeling of disillusionment and kind of a horror at the anger in the world but also i feel like once if you get out of whenever i'm feeling down i'm like just i gotta just put my phone away get off the internet and when you go out and about and especially you guys must find like touring and doing stand-. People are so kind and you just got to find them just be out in the world. But yeah, I think that's a really good point. Because I'm on the road right now. And I just really am so thankful for the days that I can get out and take a walk, take a hike,

get out and take a walk, take a hike, go tread water, whatever it is, but not forget that being in close, in the middle of nature, it's so grounding and inspiring and life affirming. That's how I feel as I just walk through unbelievable beauty. Because when you're on that kind of walk and you think about all these losers that are saying mean things and negative stuff that, I mean, I guess calling them losers is mean as well. But you know what I'm saying? Just like, fine, be home and do that. But guess what? I'm out on the most beautiful hike right now and that has nothing to do with me and i think it's really good to remember that but it is hard

to avoid the internet because it's it's it's everything it's everything everywhere all at once and yes it is vitriol well i think it's like it's it's done a couple of things it's put people in bubbles like you're you're kind of interacting and hearing the opinions of people that think like you and so you're not getting information across the board in a way that you used to get so it's dividing people yeah it's giving people a platform to be nasty in a very anonymous and get rewarded for it and rewarded for the mean yeah you get a lot of attention for it and i for whatever reason people seem unhappy these days and and there's a that's a pandemic in itself of like or epidemic whatever the word is of people just not feeling good about themselves and when you don't feel good

about yourself you project that onto other people and sometimes we think what we're seeing on the internet and the and the vile and all that stuff in the media and the internet is how the world is right now and that's certainly the case in certain areas but i go on tour and then i meet all these lovely amazing people in all these cities who are happy and polite and kind. So it is out there. Those people are out there. But I think we have to work extra hard to try to spread more positive stuff and shine lights on the kinder things in life and more positive things in life.

I try to follow some of those like good news websites and things. more positive things in life. I try to follow some of those like good news websites and things because otherwise you're inundated with like the worst parts of humanity and existential threat and things like that. And maybe it's a slightly

self-fulfilling prophecy because you're looking at all that stuff and then you go out in the world and you're like, oh, these people suck. I've seen what they're like. But actually people are deep down, I hope good.

But that is why zombies scare me the most is because... Zombs. Zombs, I'm so sorry. Zombs. Yeah, I hope, good. But that is why zombies scare me the most is because- Zombs. Zombs, I'm so sorry. Zombs. Yeah, to me, they're a representation of just like the pure animal rage that is inside some people that- Yeah. Go outside, hug a tree, smell a tree.

Do that. My friend and I were talking this morning, trees are antidepressants. Totally. But also, don't forget the importance of teaching kids empathy the lack of empathy is what we're seeing and i think that's what's happening and making discourse so negative it's because no one's empathetic to each other anymore so i i would encourage people to also teach the importance of empathy to the ones coming up that are gonna be running things but let me just say one thing that was cool to hear with jamie lee curtis for

her to talk about her mama yeah her mom in a way that's very like to her it's that that was her mom this is her mom and you know but to us we're like your your mom was Janet Leigh. Right. Who starred in Psycho. Again, another one of these like infamous, famous, scary movies. It's funny that she was an actor, but she would have been so shocked to see Jamie playing that character. It's like, I guess it was different times. There was a real kind of like glamour time and that character. But it's so interesting when you hear someone talk about, you know,

I'm just talking about my mom, but you're like, oh, that's an icon as well. I know. Or my husband, Christopher Guest. What an icon to me. I know, Christopher Guest. You talk about costumes. I mean, yeah. I mean, any way you look at it, it blows your mind.

Christopher Guest is Jamie's husband. And his movies are like, I die for his movies. I think I know every word. I can quote Best in Show. God, what a legend in the comedy world. And the horror world. Yes, man. And did you know Halloween was made for a budget of $300,000 only and it made $47 million in the box office?

May fact. May fact. May fact. And that was back in, when did Halloween come out? 70s. 70s, yeah, right? And so that would have been a lot more money back then. That's a fortune fact.

Fortune fact. I have no specific information other than that was a lot more money back then. That's a fortune. Fortune. There's no, I have no specific information other than that was a lot more money. Well, thank you so much, Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh my God. What an honor.

Yeah. Well, we certainly appreciate you guys tuning in to our episode this week of handsome. If you're enjoying the pod, please share with your friends when you're going to that dinner party and angela's like has anybody got any recommendations because there's always that one person that really needs some and she's always named angela always named angela and you're like

angela boy are you in luck send her an episode send her your favorite episode be like oh my gosh you gotta hear this one may have told us recently about meeting people out in the wild yeah who've been listening who listen to handsome that just happened to me the other day that someone was like i love handsome and it's so cool to hear so yeah keep telling your friends share share it with your boss if you want some cool points. Yeah, you want to raise? Tell your boss, like, you look handsome. I mean, maybe don't say that, but.

Yeah. Yeah, spread the word. Make sure you like and subscribe. Subscribing really helps us. If you do that on wherever you get your podcasts, give us a rating. Five star. Five star. Five star. And also let us know what terrifies you.

I want to know what everyone's answer is to that. Check out all of our social media accounts and let us let us know what terrifies our handsome listeners. And also feel free to dress as any of us for Halloween. Mm hmm. Or even Mr. Thomas. And please send us the pictures. Please. Or also pictures of you as a kid dressed up in ridiculous things.

That would be great. Alf. Alf. All right. Well, we did it again. Oops. We did it again. Oops.

Some people might be dressing as Britney Spears. Which Britney? There have been Halloween parties where people dress as different versions of Britney Spears. The handsome Britney. Yes. Let's do the handsome Britney this year. Fortune, do you have any things coming up you want to promote? Do I ever.

I am on my stand-up tour coming to Evansville, Indiana, Dayton, Ohio, and Charleston, West Virginia. The first weekend in November. Then after Thanksgiving, Grand Rapids and Royal Oak, Michigan. Kansas City, Missouri. Louisville, Kentucky, St. Petersburg, Orlando, Jacksonville, and West Palm Beach, Florida. Then big shows coming up in the new year in Chicago, DC, New York City, and a bunch more being added. Go to fortunefemester.com for tickets. I have little shows popping up. I definitely am back at Largo twice in December

and with some really special guests. So check out the Largo website. But in general, yeah, November, I'm just back in the writer's room. So you know, if you're feeling feeling like you want to see me, you can always check out feel good on Netflix. That's my sitcom. It's pretty, it's not really a sitcom. It's pretty sad, but it's a TV show. Or stream my special, Sap, on Netflix as well. I am going to be recording my next stand-up special in Brooklyn, November 4th. Thanks for listening. And as always, keep it handsome. We'll never say that at the same time.

Okay. Handsome. We'll never say that at the same time. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod.