Handsome - Jenna Fischer asks about irrational fears

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

The hilarious Jenna Fischer (The Office) asks Handsome to spill about their weirdest fears-- and shares one of her own that'll have you saying "yeah, ghost!" Plus Fortune shows off a furry friend, the summer of '69, Tig's new spacesuit, and more! And if you missed our live show, watch the replay for a limited time only!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Handsome pot. Chattin to the friends on the handsome pot. Chattin to friends on the handsome pot. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Feemster. And I'm Tignotaro. What's up, you guys? It's Nimei. Oh, my gosh.

We're coming to you, guys, the night before New Year's effing Eve. And we are buzzing. We're buzzing. It's the end of a freaking year. Oh, my God. Girl. Girl. we have just gone straight into a girl

girl what a insane year it's been it's been legit crazy it's been so effin insane we're gonna just like talk we're just gonna unload and talk about it just like this and this voice oh my god but like why are you putting so many effens in there

because it's how I eff and talk oh my gosh F girl all right i won't do that i won't do that yeah i can't do it anymore yeah i can't do it it it hurts my head it's putting way too much ever into talking and you know i like minimal effort do you guys want to see who's joined us for our last pot of this year five guesses yeah five guesses okay is it wait five is a lot of guesses well we don't know for sure who could be sleeping in a little basket next to you.

It feels like you only need one guess. Is it Reese Witherspoon all pulled up? Oh my God. Fortune, is it Reese? If Reese just popped out and did the bend and snap, no, it's not Reese, but that would be delightful. Is it, um, is it Thomas? Thomas is in here, but not laying on my, I don't know.

I didn't know if you guys were like playing some sort of trick, you know. That would be fun. Okay, so it's not Reese Witherspoon and it's not Thomas. That's sort of the only two people. Yeah, that's the only. Those are the only possible options are definitely Reese Wetherspoon or Thomas. Is it, um, share? Oh, if I can turn my child.

If I can find the way. Okay, I don't think it is because I don't think fortune would go. in with such confidence with Sherr. Yeah, if she was in the room. Yeah. I would love for Cher to be here. Counting down the new, you should have a share counting down on the New Year's clock. Is it Chas Bono? It is not. Oh. Oh my God. It's not. Okay. How many guesses is this? I think that's four. You got one more guess. Oh, shit. Okay, Tig, we got to get serious. Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. Who? Is it Martin Short? He would fit in this little bath.

Is it, Fortune, is it Martin Short? May, do you feel like it's Martin Short? I feel like it's Martin Short in character as Ed Grimley. And you were right. It's Martin Short as Ed Grimley. Oh, my God. It's Biggie. Biggie.

He wanted to come say hi at the end of this year. Look at his eyes. Look at his eyes. Look at all that he's saying. Staying with his eyes. Baby bear. He looks sleepy today. Well, he's not, he actually, you guys.

What? He has been staying with me for a couple weeks because he is from a broken home. Why is that the dumbest thing? Every time you say it. It's so dumb. He's been staying with me and he has been a horny A.F. Fortune! I don't know how else to tell you that.

he has a pep in his step because when I got him I was like oh he was like wheezing a little bit in the beginning and I was like oh he's like getting old and then this guy has I don't know if he just missed LA or what was happening he turned a corner where he was full of spunk and just humping full of spunk full well that doesn't sound right yeah just full of energy and he has been bouncing off the walls, playing with his toys. He's just been like so full of life and humping my elbow and humping my... Wait, what? So you're involved in this? I don't want to be. But he's just, and he's humping my leg. And has this never happened? He's done it in the past, but and then, and then some friends came over and then he was humping their legs. Oh my God. He is, How he's like, Hugh Hefner, because he's like in his 80s and human years, right? Do you feel like you need to put him up for adoption? No, never.

Tig, how dear. He didn't mean that. Can you imagine? There would be an outcry. Oh, my gosh. A line up around the block of people wanting. I'd take him. He's not going anywhere, but he is horny AF.

But listen, I miss L.A. Are you projecting through your dog? Because I, my, my old girlfriend, her grandmother used to talk through her dog. Oh, really? I love when people do that passive-aggressively. Not even passive-aggressively. Wait, wait. What does that mean?

Well, like, we would go visit her grandmother and her dog, whose name was Lil, would be just, was like five million years old and would be lying in front of the TV. Yeah. And her grandmother would be like, well, well, Lil sure has not been enjoying all this construction in the neighborhood. Oh, I see. I see. Or she'd be like, you know, Lil sure wishes the construction would end before five every day.

Yeah. You know, and it's like, really, Grandma, is that what Lil thinks? I like when it's a little passive aggressive, like, Lil says it's, why is the irradiator turned up so high in here? Yes. Well, that's exactly what it was. But I was just wondering, is that what you're doing for? I mean, no, it's all him. It's, he's, you know. Takes two to tango. Well, I used to date someone who had a little bichon frieze and this was,

Bichon frie. A bichon what? Isn't that how you, how you say it? Bichon. Did I say it like Celine Bion? No, I just put a little something extra on it. extra sauce. Bisham. She used to,

but this was a female dog that used to hump my ex a lot. And then, and then she would like let her do it to completion. And I, she was like, you got to let her do it or she won't stop. And I was like,

I don't think that's good. I think you've got to stop, put a stop to it. Oh, yeah. We put a stop to it around, around this house. And also, he's not completing anything. He is still old.

So it is just, it's just an incomplete, plate hump it's a couple humps and then he's done um so but yeah and what but when he started humping my friends as well i was like oh man this this guy is hugh hefner he has gotten old and gotten horny yeah in a way it's like there's vitality in that that i like i'm i'm happy that he's you know what takes face doing extreme disappointment Okay, fine. We won't talk about Biggie's situation anymore.

But the good news is he is, even though he's getting older, he's still very spry. This is all good. Yeah. Yeah. This is great. It's great, you guys. This is really good news. Anywho, what's going on with y'all?

Well, I mean, the new year is upon us. Yes, it is. Get me out of this. year. You ready to get out of this year? Oh, yeah. We're done. We're done here.

It's been the year of the snake, a lot of shedding, and I'm ready for the year of the horse. Okay. What does the year of the horse do? It's like, I guess, big dick, like a horse and galloping. What is happening to our podcast? We're not going to get a May Marie in here? May Marie. We're going to lose all of our.

our like four-year-old listeners. Our Christian listeners. Our Christian listeners. Turn it off and our preschool listeners. Yeah. No, I think it's like forward motion galloping into the future. Yeah. Powerful, solid, earthy.

Uh-huh. I like that. I agree that this year should, we should leave it behind. I feel like that happens at the end of every year. People are like, goodbye, 2020. 2020, 2021, 2021, 2020, 22, 1. I don't always feel like that. I'm usually fairly hopeful, but this one was,

my last year didn't start off, my last year started off terribly. Yeah. And then half of L.A. called on fire. Right. It's been fucking insane. We don't need a recap of hell. Oh, okay. You don't want me to go through the bullet points.

But you're right. It's rare, though, that people are like, oh, I don't want this year to end. Yeah. Yeah, everyone's very excited for the new year, it seems, always. Yeah. I am pumped for 2026. I wonder who big he's going to hump at midnight. I won't be with him, so it will, who knows?

Okay. He'll be humping. I'm going to be in Seattle doing a comedy show, but the little baby bear won't be there. Oh. Well, I am, I'll tell you what, I'm excited for January, because as I was talking about, Fortune before the show, our documentary got on the short list for the Oscars. Stop it. Very exciting.

Did we not, Fortune and I were like, it's going to happen. Well, we haven't gotten the nomination. It's just the short list where they whittle it down to who will absolutely, you know, five movies out of this 12 or whatever get nominated. Oh, my God. Exciting. It's a hard, hard nomination to get. I want it, of course.

I think it would be like the craziest thing, as I was saying to Fortune, like to hand to Meg and Andrea on a silver platter. But you're going to get it. There's a lot of nuance to the nominations. And I can see a way to get it, and I see many ways of not getting it. What's the way to get it to, like, woo the jurors you got to send some flowers and cakes and let's all about flowers and cakes at this point what about them what about them blow job yeah fortune Marie wait I have a joke I have a joke

let's hear oh yeah okay so guy walks into a bar yeah there's a beautiful bartender there like really sort of classy, beautiful sort of old school. Anyway, there's a sign above the bar that says, um, grilled cheese sandwiches, $5.00, blow jobs. No, sorry, I got it wrong. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Everyone. Hey, hey, hey, leave it to the professional comedian. Go on. Grill cheese sandwiches, $5. Hand jobs, $10. So this guy says, uh, excuse me, can I just ask you, um, is it you personally who gives the hand jobs? And she says, well, yes, actually it is. He says, and wash your hands because I want a grilled cheese. Anyway, okay, someone told me that on Sunday. Wow, that really, I don't think I told

it right. Because he wants a sandwich and a hand job. No, he wants her to wash her hands because she's been given all these hand jobs. He wants a sandwich. Oh, I just wants a sandwich. Oh, I thought I wanted both because I was like, five. I got it. five plus 10 equals 50. I think the $15 I think the $15 grilled cheese threw out in the beginning.

I didn't put any math in it. I just thought this guy wants a girl cheese sandwich. Didn't you say in the beginning when you messed up there was a $15 grilled cheese? No, Fortune. I swear. I said $5.

Fortune, you need to focus. Okay? You're starting to sound like me. So wash your hands because I'm going to need a grilled cheese. Yeah. So he was only asking if she.

he gave the hand jobs because he wanted to worry about the germs. I get it. I get it now. Can we go back to Fortune? Can you deliver us the punchline one more time? Me? Yeah. Why me?

I don't know. I just want to hear it again. Okay. Are you the one, ma'am, because you want to be polite. Ma'am? Yes. Are you the one giving the hand jobs? Why, yes, actually, I am.

Why are we doing an act out now? Then you better get out that dial soap. Because this is an ad. Are we sponsored by dial? For this bit, we are. You better get out that dial soap and scrub those dirty ass hands that has all that stuff on it from all those hand jobs. Because I'm going to want to grill cheese. Why did I ask Fortune to do that?

I don't know, but I liked it. I'm glad you did. I'm really glad you did. I didn't like it as much as I... And how much was that sandwich? $15. Listen, I... How much was the sandwich, five?

It was cheaper than the handjob, right? The hand job was $10. The girl was $5. Oh, my Lord. And I'm going to throw in, on top of that five, two extra dollars for you to clean extra. And I'm going to throw in a pickle and two Cheetos or Doritos. Is that what you? put on the side? Yeah, two burritos. Should I tell, should I tell jokes for a living?

Yeah, I think you could, I think you could do pretty well. Okay. Let's hear one. Because you add a lot of words and a lot of backstory. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Oh, you've told this many times, but not burping in the middle of it. Yeah, that was crazy. That was crazy. What's the difference between? between beer nuts and... One's $1.50 and the other one's under a buck. Yes, we heard that one. That's good. You love that one.

I love that one. Oh, you love it. Biggie just perked up. He loved it, too. Oh, Biggie. You know it's smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know, it's not smart? Not checking the shoreline for any good.

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and head to O-Positive.com slash handsome or enter Hansom and checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O-P-O-S-I-T-I-V dot com slash handsome for 25% off. So these three guys and they get captured. This sounds in touch. the Spanish Inquisition, let's say, I don't know, and they say, we're going to kill you and we're going to skin you and we're going to turn you into canoes. And they're like, oh, no, I think it's an, I got told this on Sunday as well, it's, I think it's an Irish man, a British man and a Scottish man.

Anyway, the Scottish man says, and they say, but guess what? You get to choose how you want to die. Okay. So the Scottish man says, bring me some poison. And so they bring him poison, he eats the poison and the British man says bring me my pistol and they bring him a pistol and he shoots himself then the Irish man says bring me a fork and they say oh okay and they bring him a fork and he just starts stabbing himself he says you'll not make a canoe out of me oh I get it because holes in himself listen I did this charity it was a fundraiser on Sunday and it's a really chaotic atmosphere and full of love and joy, but it's like the charity helps musicians who struggle with mental health and addiction problems to have their music produced and

performed. So all the performers there are these very vibrant and eccentric people. And they all had jokes for me. So these are the jokes that they told me. And I'm telling them much worse than they told me. And some of them cannot be repeated the jokes. But it was such a nice evening in memory My friend, and it was good. I enjoyed these. And you're in Toronto, TIG, just for a couple days. Yes, I got in last night. Had my fitting.

I have rehearsal. I filmed tomorrow, and then I fly away. Fly away. Aren't you always wearing like a Star Trek uniform? Yes, I know. It's a real mystery. But the material that my space suit is made out of gets stretched and they have to make new ones all the time because of the weird material.

Oh. And then sometimes there's like, you know, an explosion and then there's, you know, the suits ablaze. But it's way better than the amount of wardrobe fittings that happen on other TV shows or movies, you know. Is it the same thing? Yeah. Yeah, that's smart actually.

I know, I have a three-hour costume fitting tomorrow. Oh, boy. For this new movie I'm going to be filming. That's like wardrobe is, I mean. I'm like three hours of trying on clothes. Yeah. But are you guys like me? Like it's kind of almost emotional wardrobe fittings.

Like I get like a lump in my throat sometimes because if it's really feminine clothes that they want to put me in or like. Why would they put you in real feminine clip? What show would do that? And you can tell them that you don't wear that. I do every time. And then I get there every time and they go, yeah, we got a bunch of just plain t-shirts, but they're like V-neck or like deep V like women's t-shirts. And I'm like, I know to you these seem like just neutral t-shirts,

but to me, I'm in hell. Oh, interesting. But do you get like that, like kind of depressed during wardrobe fittings? because putting on clothes that don't look good, even if you know you're not going to be forced to wear them, you're going to just trying on a bunch of stuff is really... I mean, I just don't, I find it so, like, exhausting, trying on new outfit and then like, oh, I like that green shirt.

Let's pull that and pair that with the black pants. And then, ooh, let's put that, you know, it just all of that kind of stuff. It doesn't, I'm not some, I don't like to shop. And so it kind of feels. like shopping to me. But yeah, I think more than anything, like if I go through the racks of clothes, I'll just be like, oh my God, I'd never wear that.

I would never wear that. And I just zip past it. Yeah. I see why, like, if there's more deeper, if there's deeper gender stuff attached to it. Also, you're just like, you're putting stuff on and then two or three people are just standing there looking at you going,

I don't know. That looks terrible. Yeah. Okay. Sounds like you need a new wardrobe person on your production. I only know if I don't like something. So I'll have like a strong no if I don't like it. But other than that, they're like, what do you think?

I'm like, I don't care. Do you like it? If you like it, we're good. Yeah. So, yeah, it's more of a hassle than anything. Yeah, I think. I think to avoid putting things on that I'm not comfortable with or that don't speak to me. I mean, I'm sure you do this too, but I just flip through the rack and I'm like, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Do you do that? That's a good. Never going to hit it. I need to be better at being like, I know I'm not going to wear that, so I'm not going to try it on. I often, you're probably good at photo shoots too, you know, when they go, yeah, we're not going to use this one, but just. do something wacky for hold this rubber chicken and jump in the air and no no even use it just give it out like you just don't do it right yeah see i'll be like okay i guess and then that's the one they use no no take with a rubber chicken oh my gosh no i want to see that i cannot do those things we just want to do handsome portraits yeah yeah we just want to throw a mustache on my face

get someone in a suit. We haven't taken pictures of ourselves in suits in a long time. Yeah. Well, we will maybe have to do that coming up. We will. We had that Holly Bob show, which was so fun. That was a grand old time. Can people still get tickets?

Can they still watch that? You know what? Maybe we'll tell them, maybe we'll tell Dynasty Typewriter to leave the link up through, what, January 2nd? I think so. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. So if people want to watch it over tonight in the next couple days,

they can still watch our Holly Bob show. Yeah, I have a good idea to do that. Let's do that. That was our third annual. I know. Oh, God, I love a tradition. It makes life make sense, a little tradition. And we're not going to tell anybody what happened because we want them to be surprised

that's right because you are not going to believe what happened what happened do you think there's going to be a fourth holly bob hopefully i don't think we pulled this one we pulled this one out last minute it was our schedules like weirdly aligned at the last minute because i was originally supposed to be out of town yeah and then at the last minute i was like actually i flew back to L.A. just to do that show. Yeah. So. I'm always, I thought the podcast wasn't going to go past the first April, remember?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm always delighted. Yeah. It's a real surprise each April that comes around. It's like, well, here we are again. So what are we two, we're a little over two years, two. Isn't it more than that?

Two and a half? Two and a half. Two and a half. I lived a thousand lives in that time. I became a father that I wasn't. I know. Oh, my Lord. I used to be married.

Yeah, it's crazy. We've made shows and movies. Now Biggie comes from a broken home. He's from a broken home. Yeah. I will toot our horn for just a minute. For about to cross 50 million down. downloads on this podcast.

That's a lot. In two and a half years, I'd say that's pretty incredible. I still can't believe how many people listen to my podcast. I know. And I'm like, what? You too? I know. And so nice.

This is like one of the most successful long-term relationships I've had. I know. It's a thruple with the, what's a quadruple. And we all get along. We've never come to blows. And it's unworkable. It always surprises me the different type of people that come up to me. Like it's not one type of listener.

No. And from all different age groups and background. At the charity show in Toronto on Sunday. Actually, it was in my backpack, so I have it. This woman came with her husband and gave me this letter that's all about handsome. And then in it, she gave me, she has organized all of the Toronto escape rooms onto a chart that she made a really detailed chart. And she put the difficulty and the, so I'm going to do some escape rooms with my parents while I'm here. Your parents do that?

They've done two with me in Ireland once. And it was really tense because they couldn't understand that they were on the same team and that we're all just trying to. to get out of the room. And they were so competitive and sort of keeping their clues to themselves, but they're into it. So we're going to do it. Well, that's cool. That's a bond. Would your brother join you? He would, but he's like, he's like too smart for it almost. Like he, he, he's a bit like sometimes you take with a would you rather where you're like, but why are we doing that? Like he, I think he would be like, but I can just press the exit button and get out of the room. I'll just press the emergency exit button.

Are you saying I'm a big bummer? No, not at all. No, it's fine if you're saying that. I can, you know, if you're ready to ask the question, you're ready to hear the truth. So am I a big bummer? No, you're a light in our lives. That's right.

Fortune, am I a big? Live up my life. I don't know. What's that? You light up my life? You light up my life? I don't know that one. Really?

It was a biggie from the 70s. Biggie. Biggie. Hello. Should we get to our questions? Let's do it. Yeah. Can I just say really quickly that because we said it before and then we had a tech

problem, but that today I got told that I looked like Brian Adams. And when I walked into a diner, the chef behind the counter said, look who it is. It's Brian Adams. And I was racking my brain for like, is this a reference to something I've done or something? And I said, you think I look like him? He said, yeah, you look exactly like Brian Adams. And I'm really reeling from it. Did you start singing?

I got my first real six-string. But at the five and down. Blare to my fingers, bled. Was the summer of 16? Ah, fortune, ma-reya. Now, wait, May, is that offensive to you? Well, Brian Adams actually, when you look at him, is he, I mean, he's, you know, he's talented, which makes him handsome, but he's got kind of a, no, I mean, he's a handsome man, but, no, I'd,

I'd do him, wouldn't you? I'm sure he's dying for that. Hey, y'all, I'd hit that. The guy said, are you hungry? I said, I would do anything for food, but I want, wait, that's me, love. Wait, that's me and love. Oh, shit. Wait, you're thinking of anything I do.

I do it for you. Do you guys remember how huge that movie was? Yeah. Robin Hood. Robin Hood, Kevin Costner. And that song, talk about a horny moment. Yeah, and he's so American in such a British where Fortune, Tiggs not looking at you.

Why can't you think I got back with me anymore? Why do you think, Fortune? Why do you think? It was so sexy. It was. I think Brian Adams is cute. And I really enjoy his, like, I saw him live. I don't know why I was there and I don't know why.

I was side stage, but I was there, and I was loving every minute of his concert. I bet he puts on a good show. Oh, yes, he did. And it's just like the greatest hits of your life. And I was like, look at me, side stage and Brian Adams. Anyway. our question asker today is i've been loving my tomboy x underwear they've been making size and gender inclusive underwear for over 10 years so they know a thing or two about making the perfect pair

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Today's question asker is an Emmy nominated actress best known for playing Pam Beasley on the office. She's also starred in movies like The Giant Mechanical Man. and 2024 is Mean Girls. She co-hosts the hit podcast Office Ladies with her friend Angela Kinsey. Jenna Fisher is asking today's question. Nice. Man, people freaking love the office still.

Oh, man. My kids are two of them. Hello, handsome podcast. Here's my question. Do you have an irrational fear? A fear that you know intellectually doesn't make any sense. It's false. This thing will never happen. But do you have an irrational fear? And if so, how do you deal with it? Yes, I do. Oh, you do? Oh, yes, I do. Man, that was quick.

Well, because it is an irrational fear I deal with. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure I have many, but one that is so irrational. It's so irrational that I'm going to reveal myself as nuts right now. Okay. I'm scared to reveal this because I'm scared somebody's going to do this. Don't do this to take, y'all. Don't wait to hear what it. How much this will never happen.

I'm scared to, like when I check in. to a hotel room and there's a balcony. I am scared. I can't just stand on the balcony and look around. I am scared there is somebody under the bed or in the closet who is going to jump out and then throw me off the balcony. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Whoa. Yes. I wonder where that started. I don't know. And it's even now transferred to if I'm like in a play. Like, say I'm in a mall, which is all the time. Let's say I'm in a mall that's like five levels. Yeah.

Like a gallery type place. I'm, I can't go stand by the edge because I'm like, sure enough, somebody's going to come run over and toss me over. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I wonder if you, like, saw a movie as a kid or something where that, I know a lot of people like have the fear that they're going, their body is just going to jump. You know what I mean?

But to be like, as soon as I step on that balcony. someone from under the bed is going to come and just tossing? Well, I'll check in and I look under the bed. I look in the closet, especially if there's a balcony. I'm like, I'm no fool. You're not tossing me over. Man, I guess that is very irrational. It's very irrational.

But that's been something you've had since you were young? No, it started as an adult probably in the past 20, 30 years. I don't know. Interesting. Are you, does this allow you to even enjoy any balcony? Yeah. Can you even sit on a party? I can't be standing near the edge.

But you can sit on a balcony and. Yeah, yeah. I just need to make sure nobody is going to come up behind me and throw me off. I will say that when I filmed in Toronto last summer, whenever that was. Yeah. I had a balcony in the apartment that I was staying in and I loved it. It was so nice because it had a beautiful view. view of the water.

But if I got too close to the edge, like I would almost like feel like a panic attack coming on. Yeah. And I had never had that before. Yeah. And I couldn't even look down long because I would start to feel my heart racing. Yeah. Have you guys ever gone up the CN Tower?

Yeah. And, you know, it has the glass floor. Yeah. Yeah. That makes my palms. I go green. Yeah. That's tough.

But I did it. Okay, so a stranger or a loved one throwing you off a balcony, that's a good one. I don't think a loved one is going to do it. I think there is a psychopath hiding in my hotel room, and they are ready to toss me over. See, now I'm scared I've... No one do that. Yeah, don't. You're scared you've...

Don't do that. Don't do that. Just don't. Don't do it. You guys. You guys, don't. That's so not cool. It's not cool to throw me off balconies.

No. Fortune, what about you? I was trying to think if there's anything I'm, like, afraid of. I will, I mean, this is not like a fear per se, but I do find myself picking the side of the bed to sleep in that's closest to the door. I don't know what that is. Well, two extra steps to safety. is what that is. That's right. I do, and I oftentimes, when I'm staying by myself, will lock my bedroom door when I sleep. Yeah, that makes sense, though. That's it. I mean,

I get, I think I want to, like, know, I think there's some fear there of being startled in my sleep, clearly yeah but that's evolutionary you know you're asleep you want to be protected tig is imagining a psychopath when she's wide awake well let's not like drag me down like i'm some lunatic well and make fortune seem normal listen no okay mine are irrational mine are uh my teeth crumbling out like i i have um a lot of dreams where my teeth are just crumbling humbling in my mouth. Thomas, will you look up what that means? I think that does mean something.

Really? Because I know. I think so. People have that dream, yeah. It means you need calcium. Yeah. That is helpful. Solid means.

Also, my mom being mad at me and doing bad on my report card. That's still a fear still? Yeah, like that feels irrational, right? Because I don't know, it's like this nagging feeling like I haven't done my homework. You're not in school still, are you though? Absolutely not. Okay. I will have nightmares sometimes about forgetting lines on stage, like a theater show.

And I'll wake up in a sweat. Like, I do have a teeth fear. I know you're not finished May, but just to tag on to your teeth thing, I get a little jumpy drinking out of a water fountain. Because I have a fear that someone's going to come up behind me. there we go because when I was a kid I was drinking out of water fountain and my friend thought it'd be funny to like kind of bang me into the thing and luckily it like just missed my teeth but my I got like a concussion like banged into the water fountain but I've always had this fear of like drinking out of water fountain and my teeth just like smashing into it did the friend feel bad see you're crazy too Oh, we're all nuts. I think we were so young. I think they didn't realize how much that hurt, like it physically hurt.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Also, I wonder if they've had that feeling of, like, their stomach dropping when they realized what they, like, oh, I fucked up. I don't know. Okay, Thomas says, the most common interpretations for dreaming about your teeth falling out include recent loss or grief, jealousy, increase. increase stress or anxiety, lack of control, big life changes, depression, insecurity, or shame, health-related fears, or real-life dental issues. The only thing you don't have on there is real-life dental issues.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the rest all rings pretty true. It's like, here's a bazillion what-ifs, but it could also just be your teeth be fixed. I'm scared of deep water and aquatic dinosaurs. like the things that live in the depths and they've been there for thousands of years, species we don't even know about big, like, and they're just groaning around. Oh, like the Loch Ness Monster? Yeah, I don't want anything to do with that guy.

You don't? No, I've got enough friends, you know? Doesn't it seem like the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot probably know each other? Yeah. It feels like they probably have seen each other before. Like, you know how you imagine, like, people have a certain level of fame? Like, if you're Tom Cruise and you're at a party and you see Brad Pitt, you're like, hey, man. Like, I think Loch Ness Monster and Biggerly like that.

That's like when I went up to Tom Cruise at the party. I was like, hey, man, me too. I know what it's like to be this handsome, yeah. I know it's like to look like this, by the way. Yeah. Quick question for you, TIG. Are you going to let Max and Finn stay? up to midnight for the countdown? Or do you do like a fake countdown? Yeah. I mean, when it's not a

school night, we let them stay up as late as they want. So even if it's a weekend night, we let them stay up as late as they want. And what's so, well, yeah, and they're like, yeah, we can stay up as late as we want. And usually they're falling asleep on the couch by like 9.30. Yeah. You know, so. And then we watch the East Coast. ball drop so they get to see it but you know it's only been weird travel time change nights that they've actually made it to some really late hour because they yeah i think they're also like the other day they had three tournament games of baseball in one day and i know yeah so they pretty much they crash up pretty hard yeah yeah can i tell you guys

some common irrational fears. Yeah. That you have? No, that just the world experiences together. Okay. Spiders. Fear of being watched. Huh.

Then that's called scop-popphobia. So. Go-popphobia? Scope? Just let her. Just letter. Just letter. This one's a fun.

This one's a fun one. May, just letter. Fear of holes. Oh, I've heard of this. I ain't afraid of a whole fortune. What may? I don't know. Like sponges or honeycombs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a thing people are scared of. Oh, yeah, my friend Steph, the one who got thumbed in the documentary. She's scared of things in close clusters. Yeah, yeah. Like she is very disturbed by this. But I guess it's more common than you think. By the way, I stand by.

What's wrong with a thumb? Anyway. Yeah, me too. Watch the documentary and let us know your feelings. Fear of mirrors. Have you guys heard of that? No. All these have words to them, but I can't pronounce any of them.

Yeah, it's like, are they that common that they need a name? Fear of clowns. That's a big one. That's huge, right? but I get that because it's like it's the fakeness of it. It's like you don't, they have a smile painted on and you don't know how what they're feeling underneath. There's like to pretend that May is explaining what clowns are to us. So there's a smile painted on. It says it's often rooted in childhood experiences or unsettling portrayals in media. We blame

the movie It for that. Yeah, seriously. Yeah. Fear of Manicans. Are we still on topic? Or have we? Yeah, irrational fears. Oh, right, right, right. I won't name all these, fear of balloons. Some people are very afraid of them popping unexpectedly. My friend always says playing with the balloon is like hanging out with a friend that could yell at you at any moment. Some people have a fear of rain.

That would be tough. Especially in Seattle. That'd be really hard. I'm going to be there tomorrow night. Who? The Wicked Witch of the West. That's true. I'm melting.

That's what my secret name for Fortune is. The Wicked Witch of the West. Yeah. How dare you? Really? Elmira Gulch. And then there's a fear of talking on the phone, telephobia. Oh, that's a great thing to remember if somebody is contacting you too much.

Yeah, I'm so sorry. I have telephobia. Well, good time. Should we hear Jenna's answer? I think we should. Yes, please. My irrational fear, or maybe it's, more of an irrational thought. I don't know, but it does make me feel scared. So I'm calling it a

fear. Is that there is a, I don't even want to say it because I think if I say it out loud, it's more likely to be true. But I know that's not true. Same. See? So I think that there's a ghost in my closet. In my office closet. I'm so silly. And, And that, because I have a tiny window in there, and it opens on its own all the time. And it's not windy. I latch it and it unlatches. Oh, that's definitely a ghost. And I deal with it by telling myself that even if it's true, even if a ghost is unlatching the window, I've lived here for 10 years and they must be a nice ghost.

I think so. definitely a ghost that's the only explanation well yeah also as we're listening to jana's answer someone like is knocking I heard they're locked out somewhere in the in this Airbnb but the doors over here and the knot came from over there so I don't know I am spooked right now I'm spooked too girl I am goosebumps I saw you go like look like you had seen a ghost you just saw my real fear face

What is, is that the back door that they're knocking on? Yeah, it could be. Weird. I don't know. It's gone now, but don't answer it. When Jenna was talking about the ghost in her closet, it reminded me, maybe I've talked about this before, it reminded me of an ex of mine when we lived together, there was a gigantic, like the size of a hand, spider.

Maybe that's a little much, maybe half the size of a hand, palm size. in a spider web, in the closet. And she didn't want to disturb it. Oh, no. Yeah. What? No. Yes, so we had to live with that spider in there.

I don't think I could have done that. Yeah, it was a struggle, but I guess that's love. I worry about retaliation from spiders. Like, I would maybe try to transport it out safely, but, um, she did not want to disturb it. The retaliation being that they, like, talk to their friends and a bunch of them come get you. Yeah. Plus, if you talk to your friends and your spider and you go, come on, that's eight legs saying, come on. That sounds like a lot of friends.

Come on. This sounds irrational. What is irrational? That all these spiders are coming to get you all after one of them. don't think any spider's coming to get me. No, may. Yeah. Well, it happens with whales and things and what? Crows. Like, there are some animals that will hold a grudge and bring back their friends. Yeah. But do you think Jenna has a, if you had a ghost, a ghostly occurrence that kept happening that was kind of mundane, like, and not threatening, but it kept happening and there was no

explanation. Would you want to move house, or would you be like, I'll just live with it? Oh, yeah. Moved house. Remember that, fortune? Move house. Move house. I forgot about that. What's move house? It's just not what we say in the States. We don't say move house. Yeah, we don't say that. You don't say move house? And we've already talked about this.

We'd say move into another house or, you know. Or we'd move. Okay. I would legit find someone who, like a ghost buster. Oh, like an exorcist almost. Not an exorcist, a ghost buster. I would try that first. No, like somebody that helps get, like I would sage the house.

first see if that works if it's still happening then bring someone that like you know clears ghost but there but the ghost isn't doing anything wrong I know but you can also have a my so my house growing up was like wildly haunted and I talked about it in one of my specials it's every people move out of this house every five years or so because it's super haunted And my mom used to hear stuff all the time. I didn't hear things or see things. Did she hear? No, she just hurt footsteps all the time.

And she said it was not a friendly ghost. And it would make a lot of ruckus and noises. And she said it got so bad that at one point she like told, She yelled out to the ghost when she was alone one night that if it did not leave us alone, she was going to call the Duke University Paranormal Department. And she said after that, it calmed down. Oh.

Yeah, you don't want to include that. She threatened it, yeah. Whoa. Yeah, again, I'd be worried it would go get its friends. But it clearly hasn't left because I have heard from people who I got stopped by a guy who said, my best friend lived in your childhood home. No way. He was a grown man.

And I said, can I ask, did he tell you if that house was haunted? And he said it was the most haunted house the guy I'd ever lived in. Really? But you didn't feel a malevolent presence there. I felt bad energy for sure. Whoa. I mean, I don't see ghosts or like I don't, you know, I think some people are susceptible to it. I don't have that thing, but I feel energy very strongly.

and I always felt very unsettled in that house. I wish you were here right now to protect me from whatever's knocking. I mean, there's nothing I can do. Just you'd get scared with me. I lived with it, but I slept with a knife under my bed, my whole childhood. I thought you were going to say you slept with the ghost. No, may. I'm not a whore.

Not a ghost whore? I don't even know how to contribute. to this conversation. But you would sleep with a knife under your bed? Can you kill a ghost with the knife? Because when I was a kid, I didn't know my house was haunted. My mom told me years later. But you just thought that...

I just was scared all the time in this house and I didn't know why. What kind of knife? What are we talking about? Like a little pocket knife or a butcher? Okay. Yeah. But I was always scared and my mom left me alone a lot in my teenage years because she had a boyfriend that lived.

Yeah, we heard about him. So I would be by myself. So my entire high school, I was so scared in this house and I never knew why. And then years later, I'm having a conversation with my mom. And my mom was like, well, you know, because the house we grew up in was insanely haunted. And I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, but you were also probably scared because you were a child left alone at home. Well, I was a teenage.

Yes, but I was also a teenager at that point. I got scared as a 54. year old. Yeah, true. T.C. look alike. Well, anyway, I'm glad we got our fears out. I am too. It was wonderful to connect once again with both of you.

I feel much closer to both of you. Yes. You guys, as a special treat to our listeners, I looked at our calendar because we were going to leave up that link until January 2nd to our Holly Bob's Christmas extravaganza. That's a very fun watch. Why don't we leave it up through that weekend that people can have that entire weekend. So January 4th, that link will be available. Oh, my gosh. We're just giving it away at this point. You can still have a Hollywob's party this weekend with your friends. Tag us in your picks if you're, if you get people together and you're watching it. We want to see you. Or even if you don't get anyone together. Yeah, it's just you and your ghost.

Just watch it. It was super fun. We always go off the rails and you know it's it's a good a good fun time so we hope you guys enjoy it so you can check out that link we'll have it posted but it's at dynasty typewriter.com for that link it's true well should we share what we're up to I mean if anybody cares anymore what we're up to I mean I have tour dates if I if anyone cares well let's hear it they're coming up I mean grab a piece of paper. What'd you say, May? I love that type of person that, well, I'm doing fine if anyone cares to what I ask. I mean, I don't know if you care at all what I'm up to, but if you do, grab a pen and a paper and write down that I'll be in Fort Lauderdale on January

14th, I'll be in Orlando, January 15th. I'll be in Tampa, January 16th, which is, yes, both of my parents' birthday. And then Fayetteville, Arkansas. February 19th, Oklahoma City, February 20th, and the list goes on. Midland, Texas, February 21st. Also, do check out, come see me in the good light. The incredible, beautiful documentary on Apple TV that maybe I produced, and maybe it made the shortlist of Oscar nomination possibilities. I am at Largo in L.A. on January 13th with Lisa Gilroy doing a show called May and a surprise party that we're going to surprise each other with stuff.

It's going to be fun. And then I'm about to go on tour. If you go to maymartin.net, I'm doing 47 shows. I'm coming to all these cities I've never been to. And also check out my album. I'm a TV on Spotify or wherever you get your music and listen to some emo tunes. Also, if you want extra dates of my tour, go to tignotaro.com, because there's a lot more tour days there.

I'm in Vancouver actually right now tonight I'll be in Vancouver if you want to check that show out Seattle Washington for New Year's Eve tomorrow and then I got New Orleans Mobile, Alabama, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Des Moines, a bunch of places, New York City at the Beacon, Philly, lots of places, yeah, Fortunefeamster.com. Nice, my friends. We're busy little bees. What a fun pod to end our year out on. I appreciate you guys. And another, I'm looking forward to another awesome year ahead. I know. I hope we make it to April of 2026.

Fingers crossed. My resolution is to keep it handsome as always. Well, let's do it. Let's do it. Also, please rate and review us and subscribe to the podcast. You have no idea how helpful that is with keeping this podcast going. subscribe rate review also YouTube check it out a lot of silliness going on on YouTube and until next time oh what go ahead well just thank you guys thank you thank you everyone who's listened this year

and and continues to support us we really appreciate it this is such a fun treat for us to do the pod and the fact that you guys listen and enjoy it means so much to us so thank you guys for yes and please feel free to share your favorite episodes and build this wonderful, handsome, pretty little community. And until next time, keep it handsome. Hansom is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett.

Email us at handsomepod.com, and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you brought your reusable mug to the coffee shop. Nothing's better than sipping barista brewed coffee out of my own personal mug.

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