Handsome - Joel Kim Booster asks about failed jokes

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

The hilarious Joel Kim Booster ("Fire Island", "Bad Dates") asks Handsome to talk about stand up jokes that they couldn't quite pull off! Plus, Mae leaves another note, singing REM by way of Tom Cruise, and a hot tub update hot off the presses from Fortune! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTube and HuluThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm Fortune Feamster. I'm May Martin. And I am Tigny. Notaro. Yay. And some of you may be watching us on Hulu. That's right. Tell us what you're talking about.

Nothing's changing, nothing to be stressed about, but some of you may be watching us on Hulu. We're going to be on Hulu now. Available a day early. Yes. So Mondays, it'll now be available on Hulu to watch our handsome and pretty little lady and pretty little ladies. That's right. You can still listen to our audio, as you currently do,

and you can also watch this on YouTube. This is just an additional place to also watch our handsome faces. Yeah, our handsome virus is spreading. So yeah, we're very excited about that. Anywhere we can keep it handsome, we are all about. Yes, we are. You know where I'm not keeping it handsome? Uh-oh.

My house. Oh, really? It's messy? No, we had a leak from our roof last night. So that was fun. Was it raining? What was happening? It was raining. And yeah, I noticed the situation in our bathroom. And there's a real mystery because a lot of our, what are they called on the roof? What are those things? I want to say eaves, but I've never said it before. No. Are you talking about gutters? No.

Shingles. Shingles. Singles. See, if you're watching YouTube, you'll see my shingle slash bunny rabbit. Ring. Yeah. So wait, something's wrong with your shingles. There were a lot of shingles missing on our roof.

Oh, no. And it's a real mystery. Where did they go? We haven't been picking up shingles in our yard. Our kids are always out playing baseball. and we have no idea what happened. I mean, I think I solved it. Oh, that was quick.

Are you know where they went? Yeah, tell us. I think the baseball has been hitting them. And like, a rogue baseball is. It's 10 feet of shingles. Missing on our room. That is a lot of shingles. That is a mystery beyond belief.

Yeah, what? Yeah. And it's range before and you haven't had a problem. Oh, it's fucked up. It's rained before. We have lived here a decade and it has rained and it has poured and it wasn't even pouring last night. It was just gently raining. Okay. Are they some, because some people used to steal shingles off of Westminster Abbey because they had lead in them and you could sell the lead. Is it possible that there's a kind of Victorian British scamp? Shingle thief.

Oh, I'll just get a couple of these shingles, sell them for a six-pence. Debbie? Are you saying, Debbie? Debbie was stealing my shingles? Could be Debbie, could be all over twice. We don't know. Yeah, there's no way to know. But either way, missing 10 feet of shingles on our roof. And we now have to get our roof redone.

And it's a good time. But it's not very handsome. That's our real mystery, though. Yeah, and all the cats stand around and watch the water drip. Aw. They try to swat at it with their paws. Not even. I think they're just like, what the hell is that? Yeah.

But that was a good act out fortune. That looked exactly. Yeah. Just little kitties batting out the rainwater into a big old bucket. Well, I'm still at this hotel and thinking about what note I can hide behind this painting. It's like a fancy hotel. So someone would have to come to room 716. And if anyone wants to take on this mission.

Of course they do. And I'll leave because it happened before. Remember, I hid one and somebody actually found it and brought it to my show. So, yeah. It's so incredible. It's really good. I want it to be my legacy. Can you give me some credit for being a genius here?

Yeah, it was your idea, right? Yeah. Okay. Let's not pretend like I'm not a genius over here with a million great idea. You thought that was your idea? I had made it my idea in my head 100%. I was like, God, I'm so whimsical. I know it wasn't my idea because you told me to do that when I went to the Caribbean and I had had a couple my tides.

Oh, that was a good time. And I did not leave a note, even though I said I was going to. I forgot. Somebody might have flown there to. Fortune was day drinking. You can't blame her. I was going through a lot. Yeah.

Well, maybe I'll leave like one of those things where I draw a face and then someone else can draw the body. Oh, and you can keep hiding it. Yeah. And then the next person can. May. That sounds like a lot. It sounds like not nearly enough. You have to do that, May.

Do against one. Yes. No thing. I got my, luckily I got my big art book and I had my little spa night at home last night or in this hotel room. Tell us all about it. Yeah, girl. Well, I did some paintings. This is me on the bus.

Oh, I thought that was you naked. I was like, May. I like the colors. I really like that. I like the colors of that. Thanks. That's insomnia on the bus. That is awesome.

You actually got that into like a print. Yeah, that's really, really appealing to my eyeballs. It's appealing to my eyeballs too. And then I painted my friend Matt asleep on. And I don't like balls. I don't like that one. Oh, you don't like that? That one is for someone, though.

That is, I can see. No, I like it. I love the other one. Oh, thank. Like, crazy love it. Yeah, I had such a cozy night by myself. Make some prints. Make some prints.

Make some prints. Now, tell us about your night in with yourself. Did you put the moves on you? What would happen? TIG. Tig. Marie. I was actually very chaste and coy with myself.

Oh, that's adorable. I did not put the moves on myself, but I did a long bath and I did some drawings and I ordered dim sum. But there was the coy part, that was a little flirtation with yourself. Dim sum, good eats. Yeah, I guess I was flirting with myself. I was flirting. Every time I walk by the mirror, I'd go, hey, hey you. Did you eat the dim sum in the bath?

No, I would never eat in a bath because of that one. Yeah, me neither. I was on tour in Salt Lake and totally took a bath and ordered No, ma'am. Essentially dim some as well. No, ma'am. Ate it in the bath. No, ma'am.

Why not? No, ma'am. Is it two against one again? I think so. I feel like a bath is very sacred. I do. Yeah, but if you're going to get dirty, that's the place. Yeah, but you've got to keep the water pure.

Soy sauce is running out my cheek. Just be like splash, splash it off. Yeah, I guess you make a point. Everyone should be eating in the bathtub. I do make a point. Thank you. I drink coffee in the bath. Yeah, the best is coffee in the shower.

I love that. What? We'll see that now that seems weird to me. Really? Coffee in the shower? Yeah, but you're standing up. You're killing two birds of one stone for the morning. Are you, like a ceramic mug?

situation in the, okay. And is that every morning? No, just like if I'm in a hurry or sometimes if I'm having a second cup of coffee and I'll just take it into, and you're right, probably some of the shower waters going in the dirty shower waters spilling in there. But it is kind of romantic if you're putting the moves on yourself, like, hey, I'm going to have some coffee in the shower. Yeah, yeah. I can see that for you. You really want the moves being put on. yourselves. Real bad, Teg. Uh-huh.

Yeah. I'm taking a break from... From what? From, you know, what? No. Wait, I regret it. Embating? Embating?

Yeah, from, you know, putting the moves on myself to completion, you know. Well? Because I read a thing about my creative energy, and I don't want to spulge it away. And I want to... I want to... Looge. What a way.

Hey, Marie. So wild. I want to let it build up. And also I have a lady friend coming to visit me for a couple days. And I thought, I'm not going to put the moves on myself. I'm not going to put the nitty gritty here. I'm over sharing. Listen, that's what we're here for.

But do you think that that's true that if you put the moves on yourself too much, you're depleting your energy? You know, some people are like, I'm sure in like the manosphere and these dudes are like, you've got to preserve. of your energy. I don't know. I've never thought of it as depleting your energy. I felt like it, I thought it would give you a boost. I think so too. So maybe I shouldn't.

Is there a girl's sphere? Your body, your choice. Is there a girlosphere or a themosphere? Oh my God. A themosphere would be so. As opposed to a manosphere. Yeah. Well, you know that there was that Louisville

documentary about the manosphere. Yeah, you're right. Is there a woman? I haven't watched it either. Now, here is what I really. really want to get to. I want... Okay, girl.

Give me one second. May, I really want your opinion on this. Not that I don't want yours, fortune. But this, and by the time this comes out, this is going to be a little bit of old news. But Christy Noam's husband. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Wasn't he in pictures... With balloon boobs. In a dress or something? Yeah. Now, what, do we know the... context behind me? I'm curious, is that a kink? Well, is that a kink? Is that a costume? What is what is that's just, is that just a kink or is that somebody that's somebody that can't be open about their gender or sexuality or? I don't know. I think you'd have

to ask him. I mean, I think, I think, I think, um, I think you're our go-to kink. I'm the kink, the king of kink. Yeah, but did they know like what the context was behind it? You know what? I just think it's a shame that it's like I hate Christy Nome but it's like oh now we're going to be like see look at this like right that it's like a bad like she like it's a bad thing my feeling my feeling is she's she remains the weirdo yeah totally yeah like that's how I when I'm looking at these pictures I'm like yeah whatever christie Nome is the weirdo yeah I think a lot of people do just do like cross dressing which is just like I'm just like I like to dress up in women's clothes or maybe role play.

I don't think that means that they're like trans or gay or whatever. They might be into the idea of their wife and them while they're dressed up. Yeah. I was looking at the story because I wasn't sure about what all happened, but there was also an emotional video of Leanne Rimes having a deep jaw release treatment, which reminded me of you, May. Yeah. You've had that done, right?

The guy put a rubber glove on, he put his hand on. Do I know about this? Yes. Yeah, when May was on vacation, and after they had played, role played, a cabin boy and pirate or something. It was during the same trip where May role played as a cabin boy. Also, May got a massage where they put their hands in your. your mouth, but didn't you get violently ill from it?

Violently ill. You blocked this out. How do I not remember this? Well, this video went viral and Ron's getting that treatment done. And what was her response to it? She's cried. Sobing, crying. Like, I guess it's an, you know, an emotional trauma release thing.

We hold a lot in our jaws. And she was like, and I, listen, I didn't cry, but it was really intense. You vomited. Yeah, but I think that there was. was some bacteria on the glove or maybe I ate something bad because I then got so violently ill and poor parv like I was on a romantic trip and she came around the corner when she was woken up and she saw what she saw gallum she saw she saw she cannot unsee she cannot unsee yeah yeah it was really it was hard to like be cool and sexy after that yeah I wonder if that's going to be

come of the new thing though getting your jaw massaged after this video i bet after that video yeah like somatic release like that i bet i do you feel do you grind your teeth and stuff i do yeah you wear all kinds of mouth guards and shit right i mean me yeah i don't wear all kinds i was i had the CPAP i got the ear plugs i got the eye mask but i got rid of the CPAP okay yeah yeah yeah that was tough and i was was not able to get it to be a part of my sleep routine. But I'm sleeping a lot better. I'm sleeping a lot better. There you go.

Are you? And how do you know you just wake up feeling? Because sometimes you think I was asleep for eight hours where I feel exhausted. Like how do you know you're getting that deep level? Well, I don't know exactly. But I was doing, I mean, like I had gone up in my sleep gummies to 30 milligrams. and I am down to two and a half milligrams. Whoa.

Which is really tiny. And I'm on a routine, which I've been trying to do by pulling back with work and travel and everything, just so I can get my life and sleep in order. And now I have an Apple Watch. And apparently they're not totally accurate, but, man, has it made me excited and obsessed with my sleep? Because it tells you roughly. your deep sleep, your core sleep, your REM sleep, what time you fell asleep when you woke up.

And so right now, if anything is roughly correct, I'm getting about seven hours of sleep, which is way more than the two to three hours that I was getting. Oh, wow. Two to three. That's our defunction. Yeah, that was your base level. For years. Yeah, wow.

What? How did you know? How did you not pass out during the? I was so deeply exhausted. I couldn't even quite express. And now I'm just feeling a lot better and I'm going to now try and slowly get down to one milligram for my sleep gummy. I bet you're going to be having crazy dreams now too. For sure. Like once you come off of sleep gummies, you really start to dream. And I'm having a little bit of breakthrough dreams here and there. So I think I'm. is that that's in R.E.M. Right?

I believe so. Every time I hear R.m. I think, that's me in the corner. Yeah. That's me in the spot. Life. Losing my religion. See, I think about Driver 8.

Do you know that song? No, which is that? Thomas does. I'm not going to sing it. Let's hear it. Okay. Go look it up. But I love that song.

Do you like that song, Thomas, Driver 8? Oh, yeah. I'm a huge R. I'm a huge Riam fan. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. That's a good tune. But anyway, this one goes out to the one I love.

Oh, yeah. And what about everybody hurts? I mean, classic. I dreamed last night. Sometimes. Oh, you'll sing that? Yeah, you'll sing that. Why are you being stingy?

Why are you being stingy? That's just my personality. I'm just a stingy gal. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance, and that's smart. Not checking the dimensions of the desk I ordered online? No, I got a problem. I wanted a little place to write for my guest room, and now half the room is filled with a mahogany monstrosity. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability, All-State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Who's planning a trip to Provincetown this year? I cannot say enough good things about Provincetown, Massachusetts. It's a beautiful mosaic of cultures where everyone is welcome. For me and so many others, the definition of paradise is summertime in Peatown. There's freedom, there's sunshine, and the chance to be ourselves.

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$10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutraful.com and enter promo code Handsome. That's Nutraful.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L-L-com, promo code, handsome. Last night I dreamed I was playing Survivor on my tour bus with and Tom Cruise was playing and he was wearing Survivor the band or the song um

the TV show I was playing oh neither oh neither yeah so it wasn't the eye of the tiger no in my dream I was competing for a million dollars with with and Tom Cruise was competing and he was running around in a ski mask at night and like hiding and we were all like we need to get this guy off he's like I need to win this million dollars yeah is that a good Tom Cruise impression No. No. But I wasn't trying to make it accurate. I need to win this.

I can't do a Tom Cruise impression. I know that's hard to believe. And I can't sing Driver 8 by R.E.M. Apparently. I think I can do both. Let's hear. What is the version you think? What do you think Driver 8 sounds like?

I've never heard it in my life. I know. I know. Give us your best shot. Should I do it as Tom Cruise? Why not? Why not? Okay, this is Tom Cruise singing Driver 8.

which I've never heard. By R.E.M. Yeah. Listen to me, kid. It's going to be great. You and me, we're driving eight. After eight. Wait, what is it?

Driver eight. Motorcycles. Planes and automobiles. Wait, is this the song? Is this the song? Are we singing? Are you acting or singing? Does Long Cruise not sing?

He was doing kind of a spoken word. No, no, no. He needs to sing. Two, three. and listen to me kid it's gonna be great you and me are heading off we're driving eight it has there's no melody there doesn't it really feel very r i am but who knows it feels very tom cruise though let's be honest that felt very yeah and it's gonna be great he's always saying listen me listen me Does he say that a lot?

Yeah, always. When he's trying to convince, is it Philip Seymour Hoffman not to kill him? And he's tied to the chair. And he goes through every tactic to try to get this guy not to kill him. And he goes, first he starts, listen to me, listen to me. You don't want to do this. Okay, we can work something out. And then he's, for God's sake, stop me.

He tries angry. And then he tries scared. Please, please. He does everything. Do you think it's in the script or do you think he chooses to pull out, listen to me? I think it's all Tom. I think he's throwing in listen to me. I think I'm going to start doing that.

Yeah. Listen to me. Listen to me. You ever see that video of him on the red carpet somewhere in Europe and the guy is like a prankster and he squirts him with water and he's like, why would you do that? That was good for a joke. That was good. He's like, hey man, why would you do that? That's not cool.

Oh, so he went from kind of a fake laugh to a serious intense. Why would you do that? You messed up my makeup type thing. You can't really predict. He calls it rude or something. I mean, which it was crazy. It was rude. You can't predict how he's going to react to things. Like there's a new video of someone showing him a really not that funny meme of him. It's like, have you seen this meme of you hanging off of a hot air balloon or something? And he's like, he can't stop laughing.

Oh my God, that's insane. He's losing his mind. What? It feels like he just decided arbitrarily in his head. I'm going to find that really funny. Yeah. In that video where they're like, what's your favorite movie snacks? And he's like, wow. He's short circuits.

Yeah. Popcorn, of course. Yeah. He like doesn't know. He's like, like, normal snacks. Yeah. Normal thing to eat. What do you think?

Do you think he doesn't really eat popcorn? And he's just trying to not sound like an alien to relateable, but he hasn't lived to relatable life in decades. He hasn't been to a movie theater. I think he even says like, oh, when they let me eat popcorn or something. And then there's a video of him eating popcorn where I think it was after this came out. So he was trying to prove, no, I do actually eat popcorn. And he's just like throwing it into his mouth like that.

It's like, it's really wild. But like, you know, his skills lay elsewhere. They just showed another video of him doing his own stunt where he's on. He's tied, hands are tied behind his back. Do we, don't do this stunt at home for him. I was going to do this up, but now I won't. Okay. He's on, he's tied to a pole and he like lifts himself up, like, his body's up.

She's doing it anyway. Uh-huh. And frees himself with his hands tied to the pole. It's, and they were like, he did this stunt and it's like crazy. He's superhuman. Yeah. I don't, I don't know that. he's all human. There's something going, he's, the things he can do. But I was really happy because

Kate Winslet beat his record for holding your breath underwater. Oh, right. I think you said that. I thought you were about to say, she held her breast and I was like, oh my gosh, we should try and break the world's record by holding fortune's breasts. And I was like, let's hold fortune's breast. I was like, um, I was like, um, I was like, like, Put that on the list, Thomas. Please let me see this video of her breaking the record of holding her breast. But it seems almost like unbelievable. Seven and a half minutes holding your breath.

Like that is insane. That is. She really cheated. Wait, and why did she do this? Drink water. Or Avatar, I think. Or there was something where she. She was in Avatar?

I guess so. I don't know. I don't know. She was repairing the swimming pool, so she had to, I don't know. Well, now I got to Google this. Okay. And if you're just finding us on Hulu for the first time. Apologies and welcome.

Oh, yeah, she did do this. You're right, May. Thank you. Thank God. And she was in Avatar. Thank you. Wow. While filming Avatar, The Way of Water.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to do this. Mayfax. May. Should we get to our question? Let's do it. Yeah. Today's question asker is a comedian, writer, actor, and podcast host who wrote and starred in the movie Fire Island.

His podcast is called Bad Dates, and you can follow him at I Hate Joel Kim on social media to check out his tour dates. Joel Kim Booster is asking today's question. Hello, handsome podcast. Love you guys. I did not go to Harvard. This is stolen valor, literally, because I stole it from a guy's house. But my question to you today is, what is a joke that you can remember that you absolutely loved, but the audience hated? And do you know why the audience hated it?

Thinker. Where to begin? I know. There are a number of these. Well, this is really, this is so terrible. but it's still a concept that I love. And it's just, it amuses me. And I tried it, I mean, in my early, early days of comedy,

you know how they say the camera adds 10 pounds? Yeah. Have you heard that? Yeah. Yes. Okay. So, this is so dumb. And you would do this on stage.

I mean, I wouldn't do this. I think I tried it. it two or three times. I was trying to work out the concept, but it was basically that if that's true, then just nothingness, there should be blobs of 10 pounds just appearing out of nowhere. Do you know what I'm saying? Guys, thank you. I know what you're saying. If the camera adds 10 pounds and even if there is just, you're filming nothing, just 10 pounds of something should appear. All right. Next. And why didn't it go well? Well, because that is a mystery. I'll never know why that one fell flat. It's relatable. My material, look, I am not the fastest writer, okay? It takes me a while to work through. You're the same, May?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. It takes me a while to work out my material and then I have to drag it around the planet for. a while. But that one I knew right off the bat, that's not going to fly. You didn't do it on stage though, right? Yes, like two or three times. It was like in my first couple of years. And I was just like, okay. And the audience was just like, no thank you. Hard pass. Move it along. Right. You straight, man, someone who doesn't bother you that much. If you think something's funny, if would it, would it bother you if the audience? Well, no. I guess time is. Well, I mean, look, I want people to laugh.

Yeah, right. And there's certainly things that, like, I have to get rid of. And I didn't feel like I could get that concept off the ground. I did have this one also that ended up working out. And it was, I had a joke about, I was saying, like, I've always been mature for my age. In fact, as a baby, I used to take showers. And then I would imitate, you know, just like a wobbly baby, you open the shower curtain. And they're, like, taking a shower.

And I ended up closing with it. That's good. It used to not work at all when I would, I didn't know how to get in there. But I always thought it would be such a funny site to open a shower curtain and see like a one and a half year old trying to keep their balance while they're cleaning themselves. Yeah. Anyway. It is, it is hard to know. I mean, sometimes you can know right away when a joke's just like, oh, this is horrible. And I should just abandon this.

But there are instances, as you both know, where you try something that's very lukewarm, but you're just like, no, I'm going to, I'm going to dig in. Like one of my more popular jokes was me talking about swimming on the swim team when I was in elementary school. And I was really bad at it. So I'm... Bad at swimming. Bad at swimming. Give me a video of this.

I know. I wish I was adorable. I wish I hadn't. And I told this off the cuff in my hometown at the comedy club, just because there was a lot of people in the audience who grew up with me. And someone asked me something about being on the swim team. And I was like, oh, yeah, I was terrible at the swim team. I would run across the pool and do the motion with my arms of the butterfly.

Really funny. But there was nothing to it. People were just like, oh, okay. And I was just like, oh, that's kind of. to like your same bail. I was like, that's a funny visual. But it took me like two years

to figure that story out how to like make it, build it and make it funny. But I was just like, I'm going to figure this one out if it kills me. And I eventually did. And it became one of like

the signature stories. But you lived through it. I lived through it. But you just never know. Like I could have spent two years and it just never gone anywhere. I know there's times when when people are like, oh, that's not going to work.

And you're like, don't tell me that. You don't know how I'm going to get in. I used to take 20 minutes to do my Taylor Dane bit. And I almost gave up on that because I didn't know how to make it funny because it's such a long story. And I realized that a lot of the humor was the repetition and repeating the excuse me, I'm sorry stuff. Yeah. I love that story.

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and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Fortune. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk about our spring travel plans. Well, we're both on tour, and when I'm on tour,

I tend to not think about booking additional travel, except here's an idea that I had. What if we make the handsome wellness weekend we've been talking about into a staycation and book a home on Airbnb? Oh, I love that idea. Okay, that's good. What are we going to need? Obviously, we're going to need outdoor space for meditating. I feel like we need a pool to tread water in.

And don't forget a hot tub that's big enough for the three of us. And it's got to be a deep one too, all right? None of that shallow stuff. And inside the house may be like a nice kitchen so we can make some smoothies. Okay, this is going to be amazing. I'm going to start looking on Airbnb right away. Well, I'll see in the tub, my friend, with a green juice in hand. We're going to find the perfect spot on Airbnb.

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fits the space. Every home is a little different. So browsing Wayfair gives me inspiration. I actually just bought a really unique accent chair on there that I'm really excited to. to try in my living room. Wayday is the sale to shop the best deals in home. We're talking up to 80% off with fast and free shipping on everything. Head to Wayfair.com April 25th through the 27th to shop Wayday. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. I try to tell a story early on I don't really remember the details of it now, but I was committed to this story for years. And it just never would go anywhere. And I was like, I don't understand why this isn't working.

And I finally just dropped it. But it was about going on a date with somebody. And she had a child. And I, the first date, the child was at home. And I was like, oh, okay. And she had bought lunch. and I was really broke. This was a long time ago.

And so we ate lunch and everything was great. She was lovely. And she was like, should we go buy stuff to make margaritas? And I was like, okay. For lunch? Yeah. And so we go. So I, and this didn't happen.

How old is the kid? Like five or something like that. So you guys are just going to get trashed with the little kid. Well, I made a joke about like we got in the minivan. We didn't actually get the main man, but like, I was trying to build it. Like, we got the minivan, left the kid in the car. That didn't happen. But you know, you're trying to build the story.

Of course, of course. And then the joke was that, like, I was broke, but I was trying to be chivalrous. And I was like, since you bought lunch, I'll buy the margaritas. But, you know, I'm thinking, like, you know, the cheap $15 tequila. And she goes for the patron, which was like, you know, 15. 60 bucks. And when you're broke, that's like, holy shit. Yeah. But not only that, but like the contro or whatever you call it. Yeah, the orange liqueur. So that's another like 30. And then like a specialty salt. I mean, a mixer. This thing ends up being like $120, which to me was like

a thousand. And I was just like sweating. And we get back to her house. We start chatting for a while. we don't end up actually ever drinking the margaritas. No. And that was always so wild to me that we never drank them. And she ended up putting the stuff in her cabinet and keeping it. And I. I did pass. I could never get over that.

A, we didn't drink it. And the B, she kept it. I couldn't even like, because I was like, hey, you just saw that receipt. I'd love to return this. but I was trying to tell this story and it just never everyone was just like okay did you just end up playing peekaboo

with her child completely sober well I just said I wanted I think I ended it with like I wanted to open the bottle of Petron and all the souls of the other women who bought put liquor came out of the bottle I don't know

I had some cheesy ending it was not I did not write it but also no one cared about the premise. I think people were more distracted about this kid. That element of the beginning. Left in the car while you're buying alcohol. There's a lot of concerning factors here. But some of it was just me as a young writer trying to think what's funny.

Yeah. You know, because every story, Tell is based on truth, but you elaborate to make it funny. You punch it up. And so I think in my punching it up, I confuse people more like, wait, what? Mm-hmm. But then at the end of the day, no one did care about the premise. And that is, if you don't care about the premise of a story, the story is not going to work.

You got to bring it back now that you have more of the following. You got to revisit. And I feel like the handsome followers are going to want to hear the story on stage now. I don't think so because it just kind of was like I was broke. And it was more of the mystery of like, why are we buying all this expensive margarita stuff? And then only to not drink it. I think she was running a racket. And then keep it.

Yeah, it felt it was like, did you, was this date just for you to get? See, it's a shame that that was. For you to enjoy this with someone else. This predated when you could get a margarita and a can, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would have been the quick fix for this. And now it's weird to tell it because people would be like, well, you can afford. Now you can afford Patron.

And that's not even that nice if it's Keila. No, I think you could still do this. But like back then I was like, I can barely pay my rent. Well, that's how you tell the audience is this is when you were broke. People aren't going to be in the audience now going, well, you can afford Petron. Honestly, I don't think people are going to bring it back. I don't think. Oh, and then I do.

The other one I've told on this pod before, but was about me trying to use a gift card at the vegan restaurant. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually told it in at J&FL on the show that May and I did together, and it got cut. No way. So you tried to get it in there. I was like, people really don't care about this gift card story. Oh, man. And just for those who didn't hear me tell it before, very quickly, I got gifted a gift card at a vegan restaurant.

and I tried to treat some friends to a meal who loved this restaurant. Which one was it? It was, what's it called? Crossroads. Oh, yeah, it's good. And I was trying to be discreet about using the gift card because, you know, I didn't want them to think I was being cheap. And the waitress couldn't stop saying the word gift card and told me that it didn't work.

And she was on the phone with the company. Like, she kept coming back to the table. But I want to speak to the gift card company. Yeah. She's like, you can get this gift card working. Flying it around in the air. And the gift card never worked. And so I try to tell this whole story of this buildup of like being discreet. And then she keeps coming back and won't stop saying the word gift card.

Turns out no one really cares about that story either. I just have had to abandon the thing from my tour show. After like three shows, I was doing it in L.A. in the previews. No one liked it there. Then I was doing it on tour. and like to, it was like, it's, it was like a long thing about going to, on a school trip and I'd get a bag of, well, it starts of me being like, what is human nature? Like, I, because I, I, I, I don't recognize the, like, the horrors of the world. And I'm like, maybe I have some cruelty dormant within me. Because I remember that when I would go on like a school trip, I'd buy a bag of gummy bears and I'd be massacring this bag of gummy bears and I'd start to feel guilty. And then I would pick one to try to save and spare its life. And I would think, I will have you till I die.

Like, I will be buried with this. There comes the bear portal. Gummy bear portal. That would have been the link. That would have been it. And then I'd just talk about how then, like, I'd get hungry and I'd start to eat. I'd be like, what's a limb? Like, I'd just chew off a limb of this gut.

And he'd end up this, like, sticky torso of a gummy bear that I, like, mutilated, even though he was the one I love the most. even as I'm telling it now, I'm like, yeah, that's horrible to think of. But I swear there were good asides because I would talk about like how I'd want him to be in my tuck in my suit pocket at my funeral. And then I was like, it's crazy that we wear suits. Should we apologize to our listeners? Yeah, I feel like this is, this episode has become us describing our worst bit.

Our terrible stories. That would actually be a really fun stand-up show is if you brought your material that never worked and then you try really hard and other comedians give notes and like maybe you can yeah you try to tell it again yeah I just later I would do that I would do that I would do that you know also real quick I was on a walk the other day and a guy stopped me and he was like TIG I'm Taylor Dane's manager oh my god hilarious no way and so we're going to to maybe try and do a video of me and uh taylor dane together well we should get a question from her i would oh yeah yeah yeah i would love to know how many times people will mention that to her

yeah yeah i mentioned do you know how many times they say it to me yeah every day of my life somebody comes up and is like excuse me i'm sorry to bother you oh my god but if you like made her even more legendary i mean she has an amazing career on her own but you know do you love her voice voice as well. She's got a great voice. I love it so much. Have I mentioned that? Tig, I just think about your bit, no moleste. That one's a really good one too. That echoes in my mind all the time. That was the first time I saw you, Tig, was performing that joke in Montreal just for laughs in 2010. I want to say, yeah, I knew you, but I had not seen you perform. And that was the first time I saw you perform live.

Interesting. Mm-hmm. Did we, we didn't meet, huh? We didn't meet, no, no. We were like, I think we ended up meeting like a year later. Mm-hmm. Except the past, the present, and the future could be happening at the same time they're saying now. So maybe it had already met.

Who are they? These people saying this. Harvard scientists. I saw headline. Harvard scientists agree the past, the present and the future are happening at the same. the same time. It kind of checks out, right? Intuitively, don't you kind of go, yeah? Yeah. I mean, I'd buy anything. Yeah, like, I kind of, yeah, you know. I mean, you tell me that, and I'm just like, I don't know what that means, but okay. I was like, okay, okay. If May is buying

into it, sure. So should we see what Mr. Booster has to say? Yeah. Booster. Booster. Booster. Booster. Joe. By the way, Fire Island was such a good movie. Did y'all watched them? Yes, I loved it. I loved it. Those handsome fellows prancing around in their speedos and Fire Island being hilarious. Yeah.

So good. Okay. Have I ever had a joke that does not connect with the audience? Hell yeah. The real question is, is which one do I talk about? I guess the most recent example for me is a joke in which I talk about how I couldn't go back in time and kill baby Hitler. But instead, I would go back to when he was a teenager and encourage his art. And it, to me, is a very funny joke.

There's a lot of acting out in it. There's a lot of voices and character work. And I think the reason it doesn't hit for a lot of audiences is A, the idea of rehabbing Hitler is not super welcome in this climate. And also, shockingly, I found this out, a lot of people do not know. that Hitler wanted to become an artist. And so without knowing that context, it really doesn't make much sense. Yes.

The way Joel told it was perfectly. So now I'm wondering, is it in the acting out and the voices and stuff? That's where he's losing people. I wonder. I think sometimes also there's just that, those trigger topics or people are like, as soon as you say Hitler,

their buttholes, Titan. Right. Fortune Marie. What? What? They do. No. You hear their name, your butthole immediately tightened. Yeah.

Your body just reacts very viscerally to this person. Obvious, for obvious reasons. I was in Amsterdam with Stephanie, and we had gone to the Anne Frank's house. Yeah. And we left with a brochure. And I was just looking through the brochure. And it hit. hit me. I turned to Stephanie and I go, that's not Anne Frank's house. The fact that it's called that,

that was not her house. It was the neighbors. She was in hiding there. She wouldn't come back and be like, oh my God, there's my old house. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's not factually correct. Yeah. Like, could you change that off of the brochure, please? Well, do you remember when Justin Bieber went there and he wrote in the guest book, Anne would have been a believer? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. He did. And I, you could tell you in the moment he thought, yeah, he thought he was writing something pretty poignant. Anne would have been a believer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when I went, I, when I went, I couldn't, I don't know, it's always weird those things. Like, this is the way people. Did you write, Anne would have been a May, May lever? No. I just couldn't believe it. The way.

people were like taking pictures and laughing and joking and yelling at their kids and I was like can we have some reverence here like I don't know it always makes me think of um the story of my parents have I think I've told it before when they went on a tour of Auschwitz and um there was this couple there who were arguing whispering arguing the whole tour being like I told you not to leave it in the car and then finally the husband just snaps and goes well you've ruined Auschwitz no no may that didn't happen. Does my parents swear that happened? And it is a pretty good anecdote. But people are so

self-absorbed. Well, I feel, yeah, I feel like they just aren't really grasping. Like, they're just treating it like a museum of like, you're looking at a painting without really connecting what happened there. Yeah, what you're

actually looking at. That's how I feel naming it and Frank's house is. There's a disconnect there. Because that is not her house. Right. It's like they wanted a catchy. Not her house.

Yeah. Anyway. There we are. I don't know. So maybe somebody wound up doing that show where everyone brings their terrible jokes and ideas and somehow turns them into either a fun one night only situation or those jokes go on to be real big hits. Well, TIG, you had the idea of a tour called Not My Best or something. Oh yeah, this is not my best.

Maybe that maybe, yeah. This is not my best. This is not my best. Yeah, I guess I should be calling it that. No, I'm going to run people off from coming to my tour. Yeah, no, call it. My tour has been really fun. Call it top of my game.

I mean, I think all of us, I would say the three of us probably all are slower to write, but we always get there. Yeah. It's because also I love crowd. I love chatting to people and I love doing this. like a question bucket and improvising. So then I'm not disciplined enough about really honing the jokes because I like to get a laugh from a joke failing too.

So like I just let it be fat for so long. And then I take stages, yeah. I really would like one more story for my current tour, but nothing of any excitement. Oh, I have a good idea. To happen to me. What? You could do the...

Tits out tough. No, ma'am. Ficked up real hard with that. You with your kink. No, your alcohol Margarita story. No, there's no way. I got in the tits out tub the other day.

Tits out hot tub. Tits out hot tub. Tits out hot tub the other night. Oh my God. I was kind of hoping that like maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not as bad as I remember it. And I was like, nope, still tits out. Tits out, tub.

And you're topless at home? You know me. Or you're just fully naked. But what is it? I can't remember. Usually it's shirt, no pants. What? Like porkey big.

Really? No. But wait, I can't remember. Are you naked or are you just tits out? I'm not naked. No, I'm never naked. You and your little frilly onesie? Yeah.

One piece? Even in the hot tub, I'm, I, have my lesbian swimsuit on. Okay. Which is t-shirt and shorts? Yeah. Yeah. Cout off.

Sleeveless cut off. Oh, hello. That work. Yeah, I got to show my gun. There is. Hold on. Go to YouTube or Hulu. Yes, please.

But my body is out of the water significantly. Your tits. My tits are out. Yeah. Well, it's tits out top. That's right. So I don't know. I mean, I think I could pay a lot of money to get it fixed, but it's a matter of do I want to go down

that road? We'll see. Well, why don't you pay money to have your tits surgically lowered? I was going to say you could have your tits fixed. I'm going to be the only person in history to get them lowered and not lifted. You got to fit them in the time. You get that for free in time. They are pretty low.

I was going to say in time, they go ahead and drop, right? I've never had perky, perky teas. Well, okay. The crowd goes silent. Mild. Yeah, I'm not known for my perky breast. You should do an interview show called Tits Out Tub and you interview people with your tits afloat.

True. I'm keeping mine because I'm the only one of us that has any and we need to, we need me for our Honey Love. Wait, what? Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. One of our sponsors is a honey love.

Yeah. And so y'all need me. Yes, we do. My perky boobies. Yeah, tits out. That's right. You could walk around holding them up. I could.

Just like Kate Winslet for seven and a half minutes. All right. Fortune, this is our first day on Hulu and you do that. Sorry. Fortune Marie, you do that on our first day. I'm sorry. On Hulu. Well, welcome to the podcast for those who've never seen us before.

Yes. And welcome you to our handsome community. Thank you for being here. Just know that it is always silly around here. We don't take ourselves too seriously. Sometimes it's kinky. Sometimes. Sometimes we actually do get pretty earnest.

But for a lot of this, you're going to see a lot of silliness. So if you're not into fun, silly, happy, good positive times, I don't know what to tell you. We really don't know what to tell you except to subscribe and review and rate our podcast online on wherever you get it. Tell your friends. Share episodes with people. Help us build this handsome community. Build this community. I am on tour right now.

Should I do that? Just, sorry. Yes, yes. Please tell us. Good, Ben. Well, I'm on tour right now. And tonight I'm in San Francisco. If you want to come by, say hello.

There's still some tickets left for Portland, Oregon on the 24th, or Vancouver on 25th, Denver, Colorado. There's a late show on May 8th. But check out Maymartin.net. And also check out Wayward on Netflix. Yeah, why not? How about you guys? What do you ask you?

I'm going to be in Toronto, May 8, Massey Hall. Nice. And then Redding, Pennsylvania. And then starting in the end of May, I'm going on a little European run. Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London, and Dublin. Then in June, I'll be back in the States for Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Omaha, Portland, Maine, and Detroit. Love it. So go to my website for that.

I'm going to be in Newtown, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Brooks, California, San Luis Lisbo, Albany, New York, Peekskill, New York, Clayton, New York, Rochester, New York, Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Oregon, Colorado Springs, and the list goes on. Go to tignotaro.com for all show information. And, you know, maybe check out that documentary I produced. Very beautiful about the incredible Andrea Gibson. called Come See Me in the Good Light, Oscar nominated on Apple TV. Yeah.

And also, did we mention May 4th, Netflix? Netflix is a joke. We're interviewing the cast of the Hunting Wives. Yes. And also just chatting to each other. So please come. Wait, what is that trophy? What is going on?

I know that Tig got nominated for an Oscar, but... That's a Just for Laughs trophy. This is Just for Lafts, Handsome Podcasts of the... the year. Wait, why didn't I get one of those? Did you like... They never sent you one? No. Well, we unfortunately got them.

We got them in person. I would like one. We should tell somebody, but... Yeah. I just, I didn't want to upstage your Oscar nomination, but... Well, you just did. I did get a ha-ha-ha-ha-ha award. Thomas put that on the list.

Can you ask them for my trophy? This is my one award, and it's going right here. Yeah. Right by my snow globe. Hey, you're really, the place is really. It's coming together. Yeah. It really is.

I'm a bachelor. Yeah. Well, love you guys. Love you dearly, not queerly. Until next time, what do you say? We, up. He did it. Handsome.

Hulu. Hansom is hosted by me. Tignotaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking to see if there are some leftover beignets at work? Zootalur. Now I'm back home craving a sweet treat, and I'm realizing I could have grabbed one of those delicious powdered pastries to go. Yeah, check-in first is smart.

So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast. That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on you. or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.