Handsome - Jon Lovett asks about the positives of aging

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Jon Lovett of Crooked Media asks about the sunny side of getting gray on today's episode of Handsome! Plus, Fortune drinks a little vino, a visit to U-Haul, and the birth of the *GAM CAM*!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTube and HuluThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my co-hosts actually like trivia before initiating an extensive quiz on the podcast. We're only on question two out of way too many questions and I can sense their interest is flagging. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northborough. Illinois. Hansom is sponsored by HomeAglow. Ever since I started using HomeAglow for my home cleanings, I've noticed I've had more time, energy, and better mental health. It's not just a clean home. It's a whole new outlook on life and every part of my routine. My Home of Glow cleaner has made my home sparkle in ways I never thought possible. My cleaner does such a great job. Every Home of Glow cleaner passes a rigorous certification process and maintains a 4.8 star average platform rating. Plus 100% of cleaning fees and tips go directly to them. My Forever Clean membership

saves me $30 an hour on all future cleanings and is backed by HomeGlo's happiness guarantee. You can book unlimited cleaning starting at $19 an hour. Take home cleaning off your plate this summer by using HomeGlow. Head to HomeGlow.com slash handsome summer to get your first three-hour cleaning free when you sign up for HomeGlGl's Forever Clean membership. That's H-O-M-E-A-G-L-O-W.com. com slash handsome summer. Your first month of membership is $19. Mischarged immediately at your first purchase. Then auto renews at $59 a month. A six-month membership commitment is required to keep your first cleaning free. Handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot.

Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Cheers. Hi, it's your friend Tignotaro on the Handsome Pot. I am sitting here with two of my host. First of all, me, and also, I'm sorry, I'm May, Mark. Me, Orchon. Yeah. Hello. Howdy-do. The boys are back in town. Yes, they are. Finn Lizzy. That's who's saying that. Oh, really? Yeah. The boys are back in town? Yeah. Yeah, thin Lizzie. Big fact. I do want to say, go to Hulu and check out my eyeballs. closing right before your eyes. Can you see that? Yes. This one. Is it finally fixed? Does that mean it's fixed? No. Or it's still broken? It's still broken. Yeah. Well, I didn't get it fixed yet. And now my

surgery has been bumped because I just have had to, my schedule had to shift again. And so October was the time. Now it's going to get bumped. So. Yeah. Maybe you'll miss it, though, once it's fixed. Maybe you'll know. No, I won't. No. It drives me insane.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're looking handsome regardless. Unfortunately, a beautiful sky blue t-shirt. Thank you. I wonder if you all would notice. And May, just as handsome as ever.

Thank you. I'm not feeling it today. But thank you. Why? Oh, why? I don't know. I'm just feeling a bit like a slug today. I got a massage.

and yeah, I just feel like I had the imprint of the massage table for a long time. Oh, you got to love that. I love a massage. Does it weigh heavily on you to be such a handsome fella? I wish I felt it. I mean, thank you so much. What about you? Oh, no, no, no.

I have an eye that's closing and no, no, it doesn't weigh heavily on me at all. I was just curious because you are, no offense, Fortune, but the clear frontrunner of the... Oh, my God. You know. I'll say it. Fortune, what? Am I hurting your feelings? Yes, I thought I was...

Fortune. You are second. You are second. May is our sex symbol. May is our sex symbol. Well, I still think we need to make a calendar of the three of us in sexy fireman pose. Can I have my eye closing? Yeah, definitely.

Can I go back to two minutes ago when I said you got a massage? Oh, sorry, I missed that somehow. I know, you both missed it. No, I didn't. You caught it. Because guess what I've had tonight? The fortune sage. Oh, my.

Oh, girl. Oh, fortune is down in. her hooch. Oh my gosh. Someone has a glass of vino for this recording. I got some water. Should I go pour glass of vino? You should get whatever you want my friend.

You should get whiskey. You're more of a whiskey guy, right? Yeah, I have a bottle of red open right now, but okay, I'm going to get a whiskey. Is this crazy? I mean, we're recording. You guys don't know this who are listening, but we're recording at night. Yeah. Which is unusual for us.

is usually early in the morning. Mm-hmm. And where I'm on the East Coast, I'm getting my whiskey. 11.30 p.m. for me. So this gal has a little vino. Now, how many vinos did you have before that veno? I had an old-fashioned before those vino.

Oh, boy. And when is this going to end? After this. Oh, really? And then you go night night? Yeah, yeah. The party's not continuing. Okay.

And do you do you not have trouble sleeping when you have alcohol in your system? No. Okay, good for you. Out like a Lincoln log. You go, girl. And wait, where are you right now? You're in P-Town. I'm in P-Town, Massachusetts.

Let's see it, May, raise your glass. So raise your glass. So raise your glass. May, raise your glass. Share whiskey. Yeah, this is whiskey. Oh, my gosh. A couple of ice cubes.

Go to Hulu. Hulu or YouTube. Not that we're endorsing drinking at work, but let's see what happens. Yeah, let's see how this unfolds. I'm already won ahead of you, so. What if you found out I'm a really angry drunk? I never said that. Oh my gosh, that was so angry, me.

I never said that. I never said that. I just saw the ugliest side of May. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now, guys, is anybody interested in the long hike? I'm back in L.A., but I did a long hike. Is anybody interested in my hike that I did?

Sure. I'm going to settle in with his class of Vino and listen. No, that's all. I was just going to tell you, I did do a massive hike when I was in Colorado that I had to train for, and I realized I didn't train nearly enough. So did you finish it? I finished it. But were you, are, were you hurting?

Oh my, for days after. Oh my God. Yes. And the assent was over three hours. Oh my God. Yes. The descent fucks you up too because it hurts your calves. Oh, no, it hurt my knee.

You know, I had knee surgery a year and a half ago. And boy, that is tough on the old knee. So I'd need a knee brace in the future. But I don't think I'm ever going to do this again. Who were you with again? I went with three friends and one did not train at all. Oh, my God. And the other one trained a lot.

And I think she held up better than anyone. And then the other one is a pretty avid hiker and did all right. But at the end of the hike was like, when is this going to? That is my nightmare. The last three miles of it was, I can't express enough, just boulders and rocks that you're walking on for three miles. So how long did the whole thing take you? Over eight hours. Oh my God.

What were you eating? I'm lounging now that I'm hearing about this. Well, we started at like 6.30 in the morning. And then by the time we. reached the top, which was, again, over three and a half hours of ascending. We stopped on the top, and we had packed everyone a peanut butter and banana sandwich. And then we just had, you know, bars and dried fruit and nuts and stuff like that. Looking for this arm up.

I'm listening. So fortunate. I do love a peanut butter. You know, I'm a peanut butter bitch. I do. I love that peanut butter banana sandwich I do. Yes. And I would love to go on a hike with you, Fortune.

Uh-huh. Wearing your old Navy headset with your glass of wine. But it can't have a three-hour, a cent. Okay. Because that only makes an ass out of you and scent. I'm going to give that a moment of silence. You guys know what I mean? A scent makes an ass out of you and scent is really good.

It's really good. It almost seems like you've been drinking. This reminds me that time I was on vacation once and I had a, what did I have a mango margarita? Yes. We don't know, but you were day drunk. You're gay. I show you all my gams, which.

How are your gams? Bam! Boom! Let's check on them. Let's do a gam. Gam cam. Oh, don't. No, GAM cam.

Let's go to the gam cam. We should have a permanent gam cam. Oh, Fortune. Are you okay? Oh, no. How do I show you all my cam? Go to you hall. Go to you hall.

Go to you hall. You want to marry me. I knew it. Go to Hulu. You want to marry me. Not you all. Go to Hulu. You want a U-Haul with me.

I knew it. I can't get them. They're looking good. Oh, my God. They're looking pale and clearly defined. They look so pale. This light is not being kind. Wait a minute.

No, when did? I'll never be able to go on this hike. Now, back to my lounging. Yes. I was going to show you a. picture, though, where I look kind of cool. Okay. That's a good out of me. I'll warn you.

This is me. We've both done extraneous things. Whoa. That's a little cowboy type picture. Look at your hat. Yeah, I was resting. But you're wearing a thirst trap. Thirst trap where you're not showing

your face or any skin. Right, right. And here I am sitting on a mountain. I'm really loving the outfit. Who was taking these pictures or was this a photo shoot? It's none of your business. Go back to drinking. I just imagine you going, hey, you guys, I'd love to get some shots up here.

Yeah. Can someone please take me in this candid laying down position? That's exactly what happened. I knew it. And it was just a four of y'all? Yeah, yeah. That was a four of us. Great person or anything.

No. And there was no internet service. Couldn't use your phones. You couldn't wear your head gear that you have on. You could. You just couldn't communicate with anyone. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

So anyway. And it was three days? How long was it? Oh, my God. Five days? Like eight and a half hours. Yeah. Yeah.

But, man. It's like a round of golf. I, I forgot that I had calves until I did this hike. Are you ready for the gam cam? Let's go back to the gam cam. Give it to us, baby. No, I want yours.

Oh, my gam cam? Yeah, you said you forgot you had calves. Oh, I was just meaning they were really sore, but all right, here comes to my calves. Come on. Let's see. These are bold and gam. Oh, man. Everyone's going to be so horny.

Those are good. Those are cam cam. is popping off. Everyone's going to be so horny listening to this podcast tonight. Fortune Marie. I'm telling you. You're giving them. Oh, and the piggies?

The foot freaks are going to be out in the foot force. Oh, you're going to be on, what do you call it, footy, footy-a-fee-fee-fee-a-a-a-a-peedy. May, where are your games? I sadly cannot show you them because something's going on. What's happened? Oh, you have your little feet and your little pet-a-in-and-you-you-a-in-in-old, massage thing, don't you? No, I just did something weird.

What? Well, I stopped shaving my legs a long time ago when I was swimming wayward. Sure. And then sometimes it gets, it was looking long the other day and I thought, it's like I don't want to get rid of it all, but I want to trim it almost. But anyway, what I've ended up with is quite the weird bald patches. And I just kind of went to. Okay. We're not here to judge on the gam came.

Yeah, get your Gams on the cams. Oh, my God, everyone's about to get. Oh, boy. Since May's the looker of the group. Yes. You can't really tell that there's like bald patched here. Like, I don't know what I did. I can't see it.

No, yeah. It doesn't show up. Really can't see it. We see your little tats. It doesn't show up on the definition. On the camera. Come on, Gams. Y'all, we have some good looking handsome legs on this pod.

We really do. How did we just now introduce the GAM cam cam? Wait a minute. Is Fortune twirling her curls? I feel like we're out of sleepover. You're having your wine and twirling your hair? I had no idea. I was doing this until you pointed it out. Which is funny because I just talked to my childhood friend today for the first time in years. Oh. How did that?

Since we were five. How did you reconnect? Because I'm about to do a show in her hometown. So I'm going to see her And she We just caught up on the phone But it reminded me Because we used to have sleepovers at her house And we would like freeze girls bras

And you know We did all the things where you like put someone's hand And water Yeah And they'll piss themselves Yeah And did you put toilet Or did you put toothpaste on toilet seats?

No we didn't do that one Did you ever do this? Oh and we did the seances With the try to lift the Light is a feather stiff as a board That one, yeah Yeah Light is a feather stiff as a board

That really works. And wait, you lift a person? Yeah, we really did lift somebody. You start, everyone puts two fingers and you try to lift the person and you can't because it's just people with their fingers

and then you say light is a feather, stiff as a board, light is a feather, and you find suddenly you can lift them and it is pretty remarkable. Wait, why? I don't know. No one knows.

Spirits. She lived near a... She lived near a cemetery, so I would always get scared. What is her hometown? Twirling your hair make you think of her. My hometown. And you're performing there? Oh, her hometown now, no.

Greenville, South Carolina. Okay, sorry to bother you. You're fine, bud. Did you used to twirl your phone cord when you would chat to your friends? Oh, yeah, I would definitely do that. I'm a fidget. Do you have a fidget spinner? I don't.

Okay. I know what to get you for Chris. Yes. And is your hair curly because of all your girl talk on the phone? Yeah, girl. Curled it right up. Talk and twirl. Talk and twirl.

Talk and twirl, please hold. Talking twirl. Okay. So, yeah, that was a fun blast from the past. And you know what? We picked right up. Like, no time had passed. Well, how long had it been?

At least six or seven years. Seven years maybe? Oh, that's nothing. What? It's not not nothing. I thought it was going to be like 20 years or something. No. I saw her last time I was in Greenville, but that might have been like, or no, maybe it was,

her daughter was young, so maybe it was eight years ago. That's more. Yes. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether my interior decorator wants credit before I brag about his work on the pod? Turns out, he wanted to. a shout out that actually shouted him out. Sorry it took so long, buddy. Yeah, check him first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good

hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. If you know me, you know that I love my dog Biggie more than anything. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. If you've ever found yourself awake at 2 a.m., phone in hand, Googling things like, is this normal for dogs? Or do I need to call the vet right now? You're not alone. Those unexpected moments are part of having a pet,

which is exactly why ASPCA pet health insurance exists. The ASPCA pet health insurance program offers customizable accident and illness plans that can fit your budget, your lifestyle, and even your pet's particular quirks. Because let's be honest, vet bills can add up fast. ASPCA pet health insurance has been around for almost 30 years and has covered over one million pets. And when it's time to submit a claim, it's easy. To explore coverage, visit ASPCA pet insurance.com slash handsome. That's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash handsome. Again, that's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash handsome. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either

Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. If you know me, you know the nutrition and eating healthy are actually things I get actively excited about. Even with all that passion, I can still find it hard for myself and family to eat healthy when life gets busy, especially as my boys go back to school. That's why getting our snacks and lunches from Hungry Root has been a game changer for us. They've got endless healthy options to try, and since everything we've ordered from them has been delicious, we're never afraid to try something new.

Many recipes are ready in just 15 minutes, and there's always something new to try. Hungry Root has made such a difference in my diet because I always know there's something good to eat at home. It makes it easy to skip the drive-through and go enjoy some Ithaca red pepper hummus on my couch. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order,

plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com. slash handsome and use code handsome. That's hungry root.com slash handsome. Code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. When you guys reunite, can you please do light as a feather stiff as a board or do something that you used to do? All right. Well, I'll think of something.

Oh, because you didn't do toothpaste on the toilet seat, will you do that? Yeah, I can try that. You know, so funny, we, speaking of photo shoots, when we were kids, my mom had us take a photo shoot on the back of a Mercedes convertible. And I don't know why, but she and are sitting, you know, you sit like, like you're in a parade, like on the top part. Yeah. We sat like that. Just because my mom thought it would be cute. And we legit, like, had a full-on photo shoot sitting on the top of that car as if we were in a

I want to see those picks. Yeah, and can we use them for our calendar? I look so awkward in them. I don't think I have them, but... You find that hard to believe. I can find it somewhere. Whenever I see vintage photos and stuff, I find a very, like, sweet

that people were always taking pictures of their cars. It was like they got their, or their motorcycles. That was fine. You get your camera and you're like, got to take a picture of the... Wait, people used to do that and they don't do it now? I feel like photos were more precious. then and so you'd take

like a photo of your dog and your Christmas tree and your car, you know. Now they're probably, they've got thousands. Look at my hair right then. Oh my lord. Okay. Fortune just jumped up to number one sexy, handsome host.

I had a triangle head. Go to U-Hall. How did I not know I was gay? Go to U-Hull.com. I can't see that. You can't see that? Is a picture of Fortune I'm doing like almost like a like hey what's like a gang.

Yeah. Yeah. But here's me as a pretty little lady. Are you ready for this? Always. If you're listening to this. Oh my Lord. Can you send that to our thread?

Can you text that to us? I have a parasail. Yeah, you do. Parasol. Parasol. Parasel. Parasale. I'm thinking of the parasailing.

Why do you have a parasail? I don't know. Because I was a pretty little lady until I was five and then Everything went to all. And then she put her old Navy headset on. That's right. Got to work. And everything was downhill from there.

Just a big old lesbian. Oh my God. This picture, y'all. Oh, my God. Are we really? Look how I started this. Like how fat and awkward I was. I can't see anything.

Well, you're perfect and precious. The long white. white skirt. It's really, that's when my mom was still insisting on dressing me. Anyway, anyone, no one listening to this.

Did she not dress you anymore? No. Did she not pick out that blue t-shirt? She does say blue's my color. We've talked about this. My mom always says pink is wonderful for the complexion. I think she's saying it. So I wear pink.

Do you not like pink? I like it. Uh-huh. But I don't have any pink. Yeah. Well, next time I see you. Oh, show it to us. Yeah.

It's so interesting how, like, my sons have no hangups around the color pink. Good. You know? Yeah. They're, like, they have pink socks, pink shoes. One had a pink baseball glove. Great. Yeah.

It's really something. I'm like, man, that would not have gone down well when I was a kid. I like a pop of pink. Mm-hmm. I do too. I do too. Took me a while to get there because I was like, pink. But now I'm like, pink.

Yes, yes. Pink is my favorite color. What is that? Pink. Pink. What is that? Aerosmith. It's dirty.

Yeah, it's aerosmith. It's kind of. It's about a rich. Go to uhaul.com. If you want to move in this portion Whispering What happens? I think that is Aerosmith, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Yeah. But that's not one of the lyrics. It's a part of the china. Yeah. How did I not know that that Aerosmith song? You might recognize it?

Yeah, you might recognize it. Are you glad to be back in L.A.? I am. It's, uh, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a very different reality than where it came from. But it's, it's, it's good.

I like having, we were excited to get home and, you know, you know, I love my normal life doing normal things, being a normal person. And, uh,

I'm just right back into it. And, uh, it feels good. It's good to see the kitties. But fortunate, I mean, I heard this on a mini episode,

but the, one of the, or did we even, I don't know if this was off, off the mics, but that, and I'm talking about like it's really hot and big news that Tiggs's cat, Tiggs cat shit under the couch. Sorry to say it's a vulgar, but. It wasn't under, it was just on the floor. And so we had to drag the couch out, or not the couch. Now I'm lying. The rug. Oh, it was the rug. I see. I got all the details wrong. Yeah, but it did. It is pretty juicy gossip. It's juicy.

Yeah. Does that mean the cat was mad at you? What is that accent? Yeah, was that British? What did I do? You became British. You said, was that because the cat was mad at you? Does that mean the cat was mad at you?

Does that mean the cat was mad at you? Does that mean the cat was mad at you? Yeah, I think he was upset with us, little Linus. He was tired of us being gone for a couple of months. Yeah. But, you know, he gets to spend the summer with Stephanie's dad. Paul, Paul. Papa Grande.

Papa Grande, that's right. And they're tight? Oh, yeah. He gives the kitties little snuggles and snacks and sends us pictures and stuff. But that was a surprise to come home to. Yes. Can I get your... Actually, this is the kind of thing that I shouldn't even say because then I feel like on Reddit or

wherever people are going to have strong opinions. But I, you know, there's this stray cat, Dean, that I feed. And he probably has another family. And we feed him. And he's, he's slowly become so friendly. And he's such a cute, great cat. He's so cuddly. And so what would be the process if I was like, I want him to be my full-time cat, because he wants to come inside. But now, to go back, are you telling me? Yeah. There are people online that could potentially have an issue with what you're saying. People don't want to have an issue with anything. I have never

seen that happen on the internet once. As we know, TIG lives on Reddit watching and reading every comment. Yeah. I haven't been going on it. Try to pry me off Reddit. All Tick does is read comments on social

media all day. Especially Reddit. That is my go-to. In between checking the start. And you adjust and you adjust your behavior accordingly. Completely. Read it and adjust. No, of course I know people have problems. That was, I was using sarcasm, my friend.

I was using sarcasm. Got it. You know, you say one thing. They want you to say another. You call something one thing. Call it another thing. Don't say that. Say this.

Talk more about this. Don't talk about that. How do we choose? what to go with. So they wouldn't like you domesticating this cat, basically, is what you're saying? I feel like, well, there's what you should do. Here's what I think you should do. Yeah, tell me.

What I would do if I had a little kitty that was coming to visit and listen, I might blow up Reddit with this. And I'm willing to take this chance. But I would put a little note. I would put a collar on the cat and then I would put a little note and I would say Finders keepers If this is your cat

Let me know If it's not If I don't hear from anybody For the next week This is my kitty This is my kitty I don't I mean he wouldn't be thrilled about the collar

But Will the note be waterproof Yeah good point How am I going to get the note? Is it going to be fireproof? you should maybe put a like a it should have like a locket

and the little locket the locket yes and on the collar it says open the locket you have to get the locket they got to find the key to the locket you also need to put the kitty's initials

you have to get that engraved on the locket as well you should just ask the cat if it has a home ooh that's good he's not groomed. Like he's not,

I think someone else might be feeding him, but he's got his balls. He's got big balls. Does that mean he's wild? Like, do you cut off cats balls? You should. That's one real good reason to take him in

and get those things cut off. Oh, my God. But I don't want to be taking this poor wild animal and cutting its balls off. Then why are you? asking me for advice? How do we get here? I was drinking wine. He wants to come in. So yeah, you're right. Okay. So if I let him come in, I would have to probably get him. Well, and you're doing a disservice to him and all other little kitties. Because I'm sure he's impregnating everybody in town.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then there's going to be more kitties where you're not even sure. Can we just mute Fortune until she sober is up? not moot me. But you know, there's going to be more little kitties that have nowhere to go. You're right. And showing up with balls everywhere. Oh, no. So he thinks he wants to come in and be part of my world.

He's pawing at the door. He's being so cute. He's meowing. He has no idea what he's getting into because I'm going to be putting a collar on him, cutting his balls off. He's going to be like, why did I ever do this? Why did I knock on this door? Yeah.

And then I'm going to have a cat that hates me living with him. I think maybe I'll just keep feeding. I mean, he's not in any danger. It's a warm out. But wait, why won't you cut off his balls? Oh, my God. If I bought a cat, I would. I just feel bad.

Why would you buy a cat? They're free. Everywhere. They're everywhere. They are every single place you could possibly look. You get kitties everywhere. Yeah. Let's look at fortune.

Let's just see what fortune does. Let's just look at fortune, see what she says and does. What? Just get your cat Just out of the street, right? I've never had a cat. I don't know how they work. And this ball talk is,

I don't know much about that either. Well, I guess you'd, I could adopt one. You could adopt balls. I could just get the balls. Yeah, why don't you just start fresh and adopt one? Maybe this little cat might like being in the wild. Yeah, he does seem pretty content. I just, wait.

But do you understand? You now have a responsibility. This kiddie. Who are you Bob Barker? No. I don't get that reference. I am not Bob. I laughed though.

Oh, because he used to say, Do you know who Bob Barker is? I'm showing my age. Bob Barker hosted the Price is right for decades. Okay. Pre-Drew Carey. And he always would say at the end of every show,

don't forget to spade or neuter your pet. Spay. Spade. Spay or neutered. Spay or neuter. Or neuter. That's right. And so.

What a weird thing to. Well, he's trying to stop. He was trying to stop. That was his cause. Yeah, that was his cause. Yeah, that was his thing. And so he wanted all the balls off. And so we're trying to send the message to you.

What if we ended our episodes like that? Fortune, what are you looking at? We can see the screen reflecting on your face. Yeah, I saw it too. I saw the screen light up. You think you're so sneaky when you're looking at your computer. Let me do an impression. Go to uhaul.com.

This is my impression of Fortune. Okay. I think I got bored talking about cats. Yeah, I'm listening. I got bored for a second. Talking about cat balls. What would you like to talk about? I was looking at my calendar.

I don't know why. Oh, my God. She is. Calendar. I don't even know what's on there. It's just, I hit a button and that's what came up. Kitty balls. But listen, I'm just going to wrap this up and say,

No, I'm invested now. May. May. Can keep it going. If you, you now have the responsibility. If a kitty with balls is pawned at your door, you got to snatch that kitty. Snatch that kitty. And then you got to get it.

I just open the calendar again. Oh, my God. Fortune Marie. Shut your calendar and put your hooch down. May. You got to get. I'm going to get. I'm going to get my calendar.

This is when you know the podcast has hit rock bottom. We're drunk and we're organizing our calendars. I don't know why I did it again. As we get right into fall, I've been wanting to get a little cozy, but I had a problem. My blankets don't feel quite right. Some were scratchy. Some were small. I couldn't get comfy.

That's where Wayfair saved the day. With Wayfair, you can shop furniture and decor with filters and reviews that will help you find the pieces that are just right for solving your most thorny home challenges. Wayfair helps you find quality materials that stand up to real life with furniture and decor that's built to last. With Wayfair verified, durable pieces are hand-vetted by product specialists who use a 10-point quality inspection. Wayfair rewards members get 5% back every day, helping you get even more value from your wayfair purchases. You can find options that fit your style and budget across a wide range of price points. transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life.

Join Wayfair rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. As we head into the fall, it is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush. And for me, that always starts with my wardrobe. Quince proves you don't need a crowded clock. to look incredible. You just need the right pieces. I am awful choosy about my denim, but I was so

impressed by Quince's straight leg jeans. The best part was the quality, but the other best part was the price. Their jeans were priced at just $50. That's comparable to $245 at traditional retail. That's a 79% savings. Plus, you get an amazing pair of jeans to go with all your cash. I find myself reaching for my Quince jeans over and over again. Quince, I'm a fan. Find the fall pieces you'll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash handsome.

Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash handsome. Nor do I know what is in the calendar that I'm looking for. Let me finish this with me. You have a responsibility. I have a responsibility to cut those kitty balls off. Okay.

Because it's going to make more kitties out in the world with balls that have nowhere to go. Wait, now Thomas is nodding. So is this a, like if you see any stray cat, you should get it and cut its balls off? Well, it's a real indication. It's a real indication that this cat is not housed. Yeah, at all. Okay. Because if you're just running loose and you're a kitty, that's kind of a sign.

Maybe you don't have a home and then throw some balls on there. Yeah. You don't have a home. Biggie wasn't neutered when he was found. Really? Mm-hmm. Okay. So maybe all.

Right, but he was found. True. And then they neutered him. Right. That's my point. So, yeah, what TIG said. All right. I'm going to sleep on it.

No, you have to do. do it and then you'll create a story thread for our podcast because people will want to know about kitty balls. Well, do I call someone to scoop him up and take him away or what? Call me. I'll come help. You will? Absolutely. So we'll fortune. And what? We'll just get into a little crate. Can we record a podcast also? Put it on the list. Okay. Okay. We're going to take care of this. I'm glad we got to the bottom of this. This is important. Should we get to our question? That's why we're here. and that is why you are up drinking your hooch middle of the night.

Woo! Mm-hmm. I'm holding my hooch pretty well. It's midnight. It's midnight for me right now. 10. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5. Wait, it's still two minutes until a minute.

It's still two minutes. Oh. Yeah. Anyway. Should we get to our question then? Yeah. Today's question asker is a podcaster, comedian, and speechwriter who worked for the Obama administration before co-founding Crooked Media. He is the host of Love It or Leave It and also competed on season 47 of Survivor.

John Lovett is asking today's question. What's up, handsome? All right. Everybody complains about getting older and there's a lot about getting older that isn't great. You know, bodies falling apart. Everybody in L.A. is trying to be young all the time. What's something about getting older that's awesome? What's something you like about having moved through more time?

Great question. I feel like everyone's staring at me. Tig, what's it like getting older? Something positive or that you're looking forward to about like real. Can I say John Lovett I really feel an affinity with because he is a massive survivor fan and went on Survivor and was voted out first. And I think that's what would happen to me. And he's really funny about it, but that is what would happen to me for sure.

That sucks. How do celebrities go on Survivor? I don't understand. They have a celebrity edition, don't they? No, no, never. No, no. There's only ever been, there's been a few, like, football players, and then there's been Mike White and John Lovett.

How do you get on? I don't understand. I think you write to CBS. You do a tape. Wouldn't a million people write to CBCT? CBS and CBS is like, okay, John Lovett and Mike White, those are the two. I don't think celebs are vying. And I love Mike White and John Lovett, but why? I don't think celebs are, it's so exposing.

Yeah, I don't think a lot of them want to do it. Yeah. I'm going to write to CBS. Please go on Survivor, having never seen it. I have, I, no, I saw it in like 99. Why? It looks so awful. Well, I did that hike. I know, and that's all, and that sounded awful to me. So the fact people are going on Survivor is like way more awful. Okay, but they don't like really have to survive. They're, right? No, I think they do.

They're starving? Well, they can win food and challenge it and stuff, but these days they don't get any rice even. Oh, my God. No rice? They go a couple days. You couldn't survive. Well, you'd be eating coconuts. You're a vegan, so you'd have even less.

things to eat. coconuts. I just eat coconuts. Yeah. I don't know. But also... Yeah. No.

You saw my little hiking hat. Wait, that's naked and afraid. I don't think anyone's had their cooter out on Survivor. Really? They don't lose their... Oh, wait, no. Someone, um, man Cooter. Yeah, that one...

That one guy was naked all the time. And he had a man-cooter? Oh my God, I've never heard the term man-cuder. Wait, is that a haul-and-out song? No, that's man-eater. It's a man-cuder. Oh, God. Anyway.

Wait, the question, what are you looking forward to about getting older? Or what do you like? Or what do you like about getting old? We're already old. Oh, okay. I can say, and I'll answer this in waves. I'll just give you one right now. You have never answered a question in waves before.

No, I don't want to give you my whole answer right now. I want to give you one answer and then let me give you another one. Tease out some answers. Yeah. The older I've gotten and being at this age now, I care less. and less what people think. I, like, have reached an age where I don't really give a shit. Ooh.

What people, like, of course I, like, do I want to be liked? Of course. Everyone wants to be liked. But, like, I just don't care. Like, if someone doesn't, you're just like, oh, okay. You know what I mean? Like, just don't get worked up about things like I did back in the day. And where are you running into people saying, I don't like you for?

I don't know, just in general. I just don't really, I'm not phased by thing as much as I used to be. It's not even just like someone liking me or not. It's just like I'm just kind of like, eh. Yeah. Whereas back in the day when I was younger, I would like spin, you know, about things. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The wisdom of like just having. more ears on it all and being like don't sweat the small stuff. Yeah. Ooh, good bumper sticker. I just thought of that. But do you ever watch like if I'm watching a, I don't know,

like there's a Netflix show right now called Let's Marry Harry. They're trying to marry this guy off. Our friend of the pot, Amanda Clutes is on there. Yes, Amanda Clutes is one of the hosts. Oh, she's a reality show? It's a reality show. but these women are losing their minds over this guy who they just met,

who they want to marry. And I just am like, I'm so glad I'm not 20. Oh, no, reality dating competition. Trying to marry Harry. I'm glad you're not trying to marry Harry. This must have happened since I've been off social media that Amanda got. It just aired like a week or so two ago. Yeah.

Again, it's like I wake up from a coma every day. The one thing I don't like about getting older is this one coarse hair right under my chin. No, you've had that for a while. It keeps reappearing. I'll pluck it. Isn't that kind of satisfying, though? I do like to mess with it sometimes. I do have an itchy ear that has started.

The hell is happening. This is the second wave of the answer. I guess I want to share a lot more than I thought. You have an itchy ear? Now you guys go. You have an itchy ear. I have an itchy ear. It's a sign of a whisker.

Of a whisker. Is that going on your dating profile? No. Itchy ear. Oh, it's like inside really deep and you can't get to it. So you go like this. Gag,

and it doesn't relieve it. And that's a perimenopause thing. Uh-huh. That's like your brain's itchy. I don't know. Whoa. Oh, itchy brain. Sunburn,

I don't like that. I'm going to go, I'm going to take this and add that to the question. Did you know that when you get older, because of gravity, you shrink an inch? And you got these big old knockers over here. Go to you all. Just sagging. These huge knockers start a sagging. Gravity.

Can you believe some people can't wait to hear the. new episodes this is what else do you guys like about it I'm looking forward to my libido dipping a bit

I hope what does that mean like the ups no like in your 70s 80s I think your your libido starts to lessen in your 80s

not in your 60 you're so revving to go is that what you heard is finally in your 80s, your libido drops. Finally, I can get some stuff done. When I'm 80. Maybe I'll finish a book, finally. I'm going to be, I'm going to be fucking a lot till I'm 80 and then.

I hope so. I hope to break for me. On my 80th birthday was a real drop off. But like a real groundedness. I thought you got revved up again later in life. No? I heard you just get an itchy ear and a whisker. And a sunburned man-cooter.

Sunburned cooter. And you're on your way. But aside from what you're looking forward to, what do you already enjoy about getting older? I definitely, I think even on this podcast, like since starting, I feel much wiser. I feel like much less like a moth to a flame. Oh.

Like, like, like an example is maybe 80s. months ago or something, I reconnected with an ex who had been kind of like a flaky, fun, who I was really crazy about. But I was like, let's get it. And she reappeared on the scene. This is not poverty, by the way. And then she was sort of flaky again a couple of times. And I was like, yeah.

And in the old days, I would have been like, that means I'm not worthy. And I need to prove. And you would chase. Yeah, but I was like, I'm not. And I think that's growth. Yeah. I think so too. Yeah.

Would you think? I like that. For sure. Yeah. Oh my gosh. You didn't care when I said it. You had to see what TIG said? That's so funny.

I'm the elderly one. You're like, you're drunk on a couch. You're like, okay, for you're too. You are giving drunk. No, not me. I could have worn a bathroom tonight, but I didn't. But I think all of those are examples

that just happen, aside from like your libido finally dropping in your 80s. So that I can finish reading a book. Yeah. But I just feel like all of that stuff eventually like chasing people or caring what people say or being competitive in like just just ways. All of those things just destroy people when they're younger. And it's like it I feel like it's just. such a con I guess there's people that still when they're in their 80s are banging around nonstop

and care about what everyone you think. Yeah. All those slutty 80 year olds. Yeah. It's, I think about how I remember having Max and Finn when they were like just little tiny brand new blobs. And yes, I was an older parent. I was 45 when I had them.

But I remember having this thought and awareness of how when grandparents have their grandkids, they have such a relaxed way around them. Yes. That's a perfect little, yeah. Yeah. And I wanted to skip the high anxiety phrase of parenting and try and channel grandparents. Yeah, channel grandparent energy with my kids and just look at them with joy and wonder. Yeah.

And not that you, you know, you of course still as a parent, you get worried and have anxiety and concern and stuff and stress. But that is something that I try to keep as a North Star in my parenting is like just skip quickly to grandparenting. and approach it to the best of my ability. Yeah, like that. But... Yeah, that makes sense. Mm-hmm. But my personal thing that I like about getting older is I'm, I feel like,

in ways that I have control over, I feel like I'm getting healthier. And when I was younger and taking my health, my everything for granted, I just, like even doing that hike, I truly can't believe I did it. Yeah. I really can't believe I did it. And I know 55 is not 80, but it is not nothing doing that hike. And I was very curious if I could do that. Yeah. And I barely could.

I very barely could. But yeah, I just, I know that's kind of an obvious and old story of mine of like being drawn to health. But seeing it in action is really rewarding. Yeah. And after what you went through now you know your body so much better. And yeah. But also got some surprises on that hike where I was like, wow, wow, wow. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I think Jane Fonda did that same hike. I feel like she said she was in her 60s or 70s. Oh. And she's 88 now. Yeah, but she was the Jazz or so it's queen. She really was. But she said at 88, she was like, I don't know if I could still do that hike.

Oh, my God. I like that she thinks she might be able to do that. I know. That's what blew our minds. That's awesome. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. So and when I think of doing it in my 60s or 70s, I'm like, oh, no. But, but anyway, that's just something that where I'm like, wow, my body can continue to get healthy and strong. I want to do one of those tests where they tell you what you're, you got your, your chronological age and then your physiological age. Oh, yeah. I want to find out, yeah, how old I am. Where do you get that? I don't know. Can you? Is it? Is it?

real, can you get it? Yeah, people have done it. The Kardashians did it. Oh, did they? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Wait, what did they do? Yeah, what did they find out?

I don't know. They had some tests where they found out their... I vaguely remember that in the episode. What their age is of their body or something. Text Kim. Yeah, text Kim. Yeah, that's true. I can't text Kim.

Give her a ring a day and find out. Drunk doll, Drunk Doll Kim tonight, twirling your hair. Hey girl she does write me back I text her and she writes me right back Oh my lord That's right Teg and I were talking about Tyler Henry

And can you The psychic medium Uh huh Can you put us all in touch I don't know if I have a phone number But if I don't Friend of the pod Amanda Clutes was his host Look at all

Twirling hair I want to get in there Mm-hmm So I would think she, because I don't have his, I don't have his number personally. And can Amanda set me up with Harry so I can marry Harry. Amanda. Wait, and who is Harry that everybody wants to marry? Harry Jowsey, is that his last name?

He's from, originally from Love Island. He's English. No, he's Australian. No, he's not Australian. He's so Australian. No, he's English. No, I swear, he lived in England. Hold on. I've got to Google.

I just watched. You just want to look at your calendar. again. But it's these women who are on there who are like, I am 25 and by the time I'm 28, I want four kids and I should have been married by now. And you're like, slow your role. And what is this on this show? It's on Netflix. It's pretty riveting in a way. Oh, he is, Australian, May. You're right.

Well, should we hear what John has to say? Yeah, let's do it. Wait, I had more to say. Oh, right. You were going to sneak. You seek out some things. Yeah, and the waves are still coming. I'm glad to be independent and I can pay for things without having to ask anybody. Okay.

I'm not here yet and I've got a little time before this, but I'll be real excited to get rid of my cooter plugs. Are you talking about tampon? Menopause. Cork it. Oh, my God, that's funny. I feel like this is newly happening to you and your body for it. No, I'm not near menopause, but... You're perimenopause.

Yeah, but I'm... But I don't even have a lot of... I actually had my first perimenopause consultation, because I thought I was like... Consultation? Uh-huh, with the lady doctor. Did you go in with a briefcase? I went in with the briefcase, and I said,

can you tell me what's going on? I had my 300 tampons in my briefcase. That I was sitting in space with. And, um... And she actually... said I'm not really in having many symptoms of it. So I don't need any like extra stuff right now. But I will be coming around the corner at some point to not having to have to use the

cooter plugs anymore. And I'll be real pumped about that. Well, we are very happy to hear about the progress that you've made with your cooter plugs. What else do you want to sneak out about your aging? Oh, what else? What else? That you handle your, your booze well. My hip's been hurting.

I don't love that. Take your time. Do you enjoy your free senior drink? I haven't gone to get one, but I tell everyone that I can get one. Where can you get a free senior drink? Have you not been listening to our podcast? Any fast food restaurant, take a get. Wait, any fast food?

Most of them. Okay. Every fast food place my mom goes to, she's like, I'd like a senior drink. And how big of a drink? Do they give you like a... I think it's a small, but you get it for like half off or something. I thought it was free.

Yeah, now with some places it's free. Okay. But I can't say I'm wiser now than I'm older. I can't say you are either. But I'm fun. Yeah. Anyway, I thought I had more to say. Mm-hmm.

Have another sip. Maybe something will come. Honestly, I can't because I think I will legit fall asleep with my eyes open. That would be really good if you just glazed over. It's almost 1230 here. I'm hanging on by a string. I'm falling awake with my eye close. I'm doing the opposite over here.

So let's hear what John had to say. I'll give you my answer. It's you can't have old friends unless you've lived a long time. And I really appreciate that there have been people in my life. for 20 years through my whole adulthood who I have these deep relationships with that are just not possible when you're young. And other than that, you know, I thought I wouldn't still have acne in my 40s, but I do. Okay, bye. I love that.

Not the acne, but like, I mean, it's fine. I have no problem with acne. But speaking of old friends, like some of my nearest. and dearest. I saw, I see in the summertime. I've known for like 40 and 50 years and it's yeah. It's real nice because they're the people that have seen you in your most embarrassing moments, your lowest moments, the craziest laughter together when you froze bras together. All of that stuff, fortune. Yes. Meeting your friend's kids like my my friend Nicole who's in town my old, old best friend and her two little kids.

And when I, I love them instantly. And then you feel like you're almost reparenting your friend. Yeah, yeah. When you're hanging with their kids because they look exactly like her. They have the same anxiety. Yeah. Like her kid, I was like, oh, I just got to stop and get some air in my tire. The pressure's a little low.

And he goes, oh, no. It's like you're exactly like your mom. That's funny. Oh, no. No. I'd definitely rather be this age than a kid coming up because I'm so happy I didn't grow up with social media Oh my fucking God I know

I got to play outside all this time I know I am too and I'm just curious What it is Specifically and personally You're glad you missed on social media as a child I just would not have wanted to like Be influenced by that so much or be left out Or that like whole like everyone's showing

their best, you know, self that's not the reality of what their life is really, so you think you would just have terrible self-esteem even worse, you know? Imagine it in middle school and it's like Saturday night and you see all the, your friends posting that they're out hanging out without you. You're like sitting at home with your dog and you post a picture of the dog and I guess three likes and someone comments. Right. That's terrible.

Every person I know that has, especially a young. girl. It's brutal. It's brutal for them. They have like so many self-esteem issues with it. Yeah. And just everything's catered to beauty and weight. I think Australia made it illegal under 16, I think. I mean, they're going to start doing that. I think it's going to catch on. Yeah. It's bad. It's bad. I just love like this. This is more of the simplicity we got to have back then. We really are lucky.

Yeah. Well, and speaking of social media, I've maybe mentioned this before, but I personally won't be back, but I believe my social media will be back. Oh. How do we know it's not really? With my massive team, well, I guess I could be a liar, but my massive tip. Tits. My massive Tits. My massive Tit team will be posting show.

and podcast stuff and anything like that. But they better give us some good content because I'm going to be watching for it. We want proof of life. We want some, we want your massive tit team to be taking pictures. Massive tit team in action.

I still have to say like, I am not missing it. I am not missing it at all. I'm not missing it the slightest bit. Yeah. It's really fascinating. I think I'm like maybe four months in or something like that, three or four.

I'm having the time of my life on it. I know you are, girl. You just said that the thing, it just said that you're so glad you. But that's not an adult. Who cares? Yeah. Nothing matters.

That's the beauty of being older. We're half, half our lives already over. We're half dead. Well, we have one foot in the grave. This, it was,

it was good to see your faces again. Oh, I know that we're going to try and schedule an in-person recording soon. So that's going to be off the charts. Oh my God. And quite possibly there's going to be live shows coming up, which will be also off the charts. Go to uhaul.com for all information. Go to uhaul.com. People are going to do that. Oh, my God. They're going to, that website's going to crash with a bunch of the gam cam cam as well. When we, when we're live in person, can we can we have a camera that's just

have a screen behind us. Yeah. It just goes to each gam. We can even go to Thomas's gams too. Yeah, we can. Yeah. Get those balls cut off. Yeah, I'll let you know what happens with that.

Okay. Keep us posted. What do you guys have coming up? You know what? If you live in Boisey, Portland, Oregon, Austin, Texas, Chattanooga, Dayton, Ohio, Louisville, Madison, Wisconsin, Durham, North Carolina, Oakland, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Palm Springs, Denver, and Nashville. That's their last of my tour.

And then I'm done and I'm going to take a break from touring for a little bit. So come see me on the road. I'm always at Largo in L.A. So check out social media. But other than that, just check out my music is on Spotify or wherever you get your music. Or watch Wayward on Netflix. Or my stand-up special, Becoming. out soon. I'll keep you posted. Yeah.

Oh, nice. Well, you can go to tignotaro.com. I'm going to be, I'm also at Dynasty Typewriter in Largo in Los Angeles, but please check me out in Rochester, Calgary, Iowa City, Des Moines, Omaha, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Chico, California, Olympia, Washington, Fresno, California, Napa. I mean, it just goes. on, okay? Go to tignotaro.com. Also, please share an episode if you love it. If you want to build our handsome community,

what is Fortune doing? I'm into it. I love it. She's rocking out. Yeah, she is. So, yeah, share an episode. If you want to build our community, send it to a friend, a loved one,

and join the troop. I guess all that remains is until next time. Keep it handsome Handsome is hosted by me Fortune Feemster Tignitaro and May Martin The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wulet Email us at handsomepod Atgmol.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod

What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the reviews for the fancy home rental I'm splashing out on before booking it? Big mistake. The pool just turned everyone green and they're blaming it on our sunscreen. Time to start looking for a hotel. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American

Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.