Handsome - Jonathan Van Ness asks about trading places

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

Jonathan Van Ness of Queer Eye shows off their incredible curls, and asks Handsome a mind-bending question about trading places with a person for a day. Will Handsome go back in time? Does this mean Oprah and JVN will host Handsome? And why do Tig, Mae and Fortune's souls all feel so connected in this moment?!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that before you watch that new summer blockbuster you know what happened in the previous seven installments of the franchise. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates,

Northbrook, Illinois. We've talked about finances on Handsome, and we've talked about parenting, but how about financial parenting? That's where today's sponsor Acorns Early comes in. Acorns Early is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of money. Acorns Early's Chores tracker helps kids learn the value of a dollar.

Just set up Chores in the app, set a payment amount, and tick the chore off when it's done. Acorns early lets parents pay allowances automatically. No more rummaging around for cash. Kids can spend what they earn with their very own debit card. My kids have taken an interest in money. They see the world and understand that money is a part of it. Acorns early is a great way for them to start learning financial lessons

that I wished I'd received when I was their age. Head to acornsearly.com slash handsome or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. Acorns Early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank member FDIC. Pursuant to license by MasterCard International, TNCs apply.

Monthly subscription fees starting from $5 per month and less canceled. Handsome Pod. Handsome Pod. Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

Cheers. Good afternoon and welcome to an episode of the Handsome Pub. Thanks for joining us. As always, I'm Mae Martin, joined by Fortune Feimster. And I am your dear, dear friend, Tig Notaro. And we are all here. We are the handsome headquarters individually. Yeah.

Do not mistake this for a pretty little episode because we were all three here. That's right. Yeah. And a handsome headquarters is a spiritual place really rather than a physical place. You know, we've all stepped into the handsome portal right now when we heard the theme song.

And there's no bears in the portal. Portal. Portal. There's no. We ain't got no bears in the portal. Portal. Portal. There's no bears in this portal. No, we don't. Are our souls connected right now? Do we feel? Do you feel it?

Do we feel the connection? I do. I do. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty sexy. I bet you in the future, they're gonna prove that that's a thing, not us specifically. They're going to do a big study. There are scientists working on this right now to see if the handsome souls are

in fact connected. Yeah. Except when we get into our huge fights. You would not want to see those. No. Get me started. Do not. Do throw punches. Oh, yes.

It's a lot of like, don't you dare. Oh, yeah, fortune. And it brings back terrible memories to see your finger wag like that. Don't. Don't. Dare. But do that. But I still feel like even when we're like wrestling and biting each other,

cause we will, we'll like bite each other's cheeks and pull each other's hair. Yeah, all bets are off. Kick each other in the knees. I still feel like our souls are connected. For sure. We're the most connected then actually. We're most connected when we're biting each other's cheeks.

Yeah. When we're animalistic. Of the flesh. Yeah. It has gotten nasty. Get it out of our systems. We need that purge and then we're back on track. Do you guys ever get in tumbles like that with, you had brother, a brother?

You had brother good brother had to We would yeah, man, you have a you have one brother, right? Yeah, I have brother We have brother Yeah, we all have brother man. We would get into brawls. Oh, really? They gave me some thick skin because boy That people have asked what, I have a little, I don't think you can see it, there's a little fingernail, like, indention, is that the word?

The nail's still in there. In my forehead right here. When the sun hits it a certain way, you can see the mark, but it's my brother's fingernail that went to my forehead when we were kids. What was happening? Was he going, now you like, don't you ever, oh. We would punch.

Really, and what would prompt it? Like what would set you off? Whatever fights kids get into. Did you ever, to protect yourself, put a bonnet on? My mom put a bonnet on me. It was not by my choice. But did it keep your beatings at bay? No.

I would think that would incite more beatings. Did you see my Easter photo? Yeah. What? Did you see the photo I put up at Easter of me and a bonnet? Yeah. On Instagram? Yeah.

I don't think I did. I even called you out saying you were gonna be jealous. Look at that. If you're on YouTube, you can see it, or go on Instagram, it's Fortune looking like a little angel wearing a bonnet. Fortune? I can't imagine someone starting to fight

with that person, yeah. Beating that bonnet, silly. I didn't get beat up around that age. It was more when I got to be like 10 or something. Yeah, yeah. Would you ever instigate? Would you start? Oh yeah.

Really? Come on. I would stick my middle finger up at my brother and be like, mom, Price gave me the bird. She'd be like, price. And I'd be like, second. And then he'd be like, whapam. Fingernail coming to the forehead.

Now, speaking of brothers, my brother texted me while we were on, and he said, you have made it, you made it, he said. And this looks like it's from The Simpsons. And this looks like it's from The Simpsons. I, it says Vig Notaro at the top. Oh my God. Wow, that's awesome. But what is it?

It looks like it's like a Vegas type of like ad It looks like a billboard. A sports stadium there. Like you're one of the performers. But if they're using Oprah, see, if you if you're on YouTube, you can see they've used Oprah's real name, but they turn mine into Vig Notaro. I guess I'm going to have to funny, though. They thought you were going to sue or something.

You I know it's not even me. But it is. To be featured on The Simpsons, that's massive. I would frame that. I got to do a voice on The Simpsons and that was the greatest day of my life. Oh, you did do a voice? Yeah.

What did you do? I played the girlfriend of Marge's sister. The girlfriend of Marge's sister. And they described me as like a female homer. Oh my God. It was pretty cool. Marge's sister, that's the twins, right? Aunt Patty and?

Yeah, it was one of the twins. I can't remember the name of one of the twins. So they have like out gay? Yeah, out gay character. Maybe that's why I haven't been back. Because we're like, we'll just have the lesbian in one episode. That's iconic though.

I went on an episode, they go to Costa Rica and she brings her lesbian girlfriend, me, who is just like Homer. Oh my God. Do you say dope? I think they had me, it's been a minute, but I think it was like real southern. Like, like, I think it was like even more southern than I usually am. Wow. You didn't have to drop your voice to know what's going on. No, I think it was like kind of like southern sort of thing. Yeah. And did they draw the character to look like you?

Or that's the dream? I mean, I think they put like a little bit of care. Like you record first and then they kind of then they they give you sort of an idea of what the character is going to look like. And then they might do some stuff around the mouth, maybe. I can't remember exactly. And then you go back in and try to like match that if they have like some tweaks on lines you try to like match it with the mouth that they've already drawn.

I think that The Simpsons probably influenced like global sense of humor more than many other shows. It was one of the first shows that did those hard cuts to the payoff of the joke, you know what I mean? Or it's like, well, that would never happen and then hard cut to that thing happening. Yeah, like, yeah. And they predicted a ton of stuff.

They've been around so long that I think they would make these wild predictions and then so many things have come true. Yeah. I don't have examples. Trump being president. I know you were gonna ask. I don't have examples, but they're just always posting

predicted this, predicted that. Yeah. They predicted Oprah's sports book club. And you changing your name to Vig. Vig Notaro. Vig. And so Notaro. Vig. And so because it's animation, they must have made this a long time ago, right?

No, they still do animation. I know, but doesn't it take a long time to make animation? Also, look at the picture of me or whoever this Vig Notaro is. Is that me? You look like the Joker. Yeah, I can't tell if I have a mustache or a Joker mouth. It's like a Howard Stern Joker.

That is weird. You go against the bottom of this. I know. I was going to say, I need to ask my brother. Or if Thomas, you want to do some Simpson Googling? Oh, here. Okay. Thomas just wrote, after a baseball superstar decides to play for Springfield, Isotope Stadium

is soon cluttered with garish ads for betting apps such as Bookie Monster, Carrot Tops Prop Bets, and perhaps most cleverly, Vig Notaro. Wait, so you and Carrot Top? So you're a sports bookie. Oh, a Vig is the cut you give a bookie. That's what that means, I guess.

Oh. So is it not me? I don't understand what's happening. I think it's a play off of your name. Uh-huh. But it's, Vig is, Thomas is saying the cut, you give a bookie, so they're doing a play off of your name and that.

Okay. I'm saying that you have like a betting app. And then Thomas, where did you get this information other than Google? Like, what is this? I don't even understand. This is a recap of the episode from crack.com. Oh, okay.

And did this episode just come out? Is that why? Yeah, it looks like it just came out this season. Of course, my brother's still watching The Simpsons. God, I used to draw Bart Simpson when I was like in sixth grade. Oh, really? That was one of the things you could draw.

Yeah, that's how long that shit. Did you walk around in a shirt that said, don't have a cow, man? No, but there were plenty, a lot of people at my school did, or the, you know, don't eat my shorts. Eat my shorts. Yeah.

What a sweet gig that has been for those actors. I know, right? How are you guys doing otherwise? You're wearing a beautiful pink hoodie there, Fortune. What does it say? Oh, yeah. I just grabbed a hoodie. It's my special from my own merch. You do tend to rock your own merch. It's my special crushing it. I just grabbed it from my closet and didn't realize how pronounced these words were.

Crushing it. grabbed it from my closet and didn't realize how pronounced these words were. Crushing it. I just like pink. Did you guys know that pink's one of my favorite colors? Yeah, I think I did know that and I respect it a lot. Thank you. I like pink. I like pink a lot.

In my special, I wore a pink suit, so this merch was a nod to that. Do you guys want to know a fact? Please. Of course. That's why we're here. Merch was a nod to that. Do you guys want to know a fact? That's why we're here Scientists have just discovered that the color purple does not exist our brains Sort of joking No, the color itself our brains have invented that color. Don't ask me any follow-up questions, but how fucked up is that? Some people would say that's their favorite color. And then it's a combo.

And we're all on the same page? I don't know, making it up. It's a combo of blue and something else, right? Red, blue and yellow. Thomas, could you Google it? I'm glad Prince wasn't around to hear this. Okay, purple is a color that falls between blue and red on the color spectrum.

Yeah, we know that it's a mix of the two primary colors, red and blue. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, we know that purple is not a spectral color, meaning it's not a color that can be found in the rainbow or directly emitted by a light source. Instead, it's a color that the brain creates when it receives information from both red

and blue wavelengths simultaneously. I am speechless. That's freaking wild. I'm speechless that you call it simultaneously. Wait, what would you say? Simultaneously. Simultaneously. Yeah, what do you say, Fortune?

Simultaneously. Yeah. What would you say, Fortune? Simultaneously? Really? Yeah. Little cowboy says simil. I'd say, if it was a Y, I'd say simil. Okay, how do you call somebody named Simon? Simin? Simon.

Ah, you got me there. Okay. Yeah, you got, yeah, Simon. Wait, Thomas, you say simultaneously or? Well, and he has a brother named Simon, Simmon. Simultaneously. Wait, what? So this isn't even a Canadian thing?

How have you never heard this? How has no one corrected me before? I don't know. Simultaneously. Here's another word that I feel like I heard Fortune say the same way I do, and whenever I say it this way people Lose their minds. How do you how do you pronounce? Oh And I don't know if I could spell it

I S C H E V I O U S mischievous. Yeah, how do you say the word? Mischievous. Yeah, Thomas, how do you say? Mischievous. I say mischievous.

Hey, that's a good drag name, mischievous. Mischievous. It sure is. Or mischievous works as well. Mischievous. And introducing simultaneous, yeah. Only recently in my adult life have people been saying mischievous. Why are you, what? Huh? When you're a kid, you don't really say the word because you are the word.

Like you're not going around going, I'm so mischievous. But when you're an adult, you say, look at that. Mischievous. I don't know. I stand by mischievous. I stand by simultaneous. What did I say first? I forgot. You said mischievous. Mischievous, I don't know. I stand by mischievous. I stand by simultaneous. What did I say first? I forgot.

You said mischievous. Okay, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's a southern thing. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Wow.

Oh my God, we're exhausted. Oh, I know. I'm always so scared we're gonna run out of things to say. Yeah, I have. I kind of have too. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. This is it. Well, it's been a good run.

It's been a good run. What kind of music you guys into? No, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who listened to Handsome. Oh, it's so sad. It's so sad. I wanna say thank you so much to everyone who listened to Handsome. No, it's so sad, it's so sad. That would be sad. Would you cry? No. Oh my God, how cold.

You would cry? Yeah. Yeah, I would. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. I think I would think I was okay with it and then when the time came to say goodbye, I'd be like. A day?

Not like the whole day. Sobbing in bed for a day. But Tig, aren't you, you're working your way through Friends, right? So that final episode of Friends. Doesn't it sound like you're working your way through actual people? No.

No, no. But that final episode, they are crying for real and it is a heartbreaker. Don't ruin it for Tig. What a spoiler. The very last Friends episode? Yeah, they're like, the characters are crying but you can tell the actors are also crying.

It's their final scene. It really gets me every time and I do revisit it. Really? Well, they spent a lot of time together. That was the days of 24 episodes, right? Yeah. And what did they do, like 10 years? Yeah.

That's a lot of time with people. And a lot of money. And that too. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that your dog's feet don't get too hot when you take them for a walk on a sunny summer's day. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms,

conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Wild Grain. Wild Grain's boxes are fully customizable to your tastes and dietary restrictions. I've been enjoying this month's vegan box with everything sourdough bread, artisanal Bavarian pretzels as a treat and mango and passion fruit mousse as a second treat because why not? Are you ready to bring all your favorite carbs right to your doorstep?

Be sure to check out Wild Grain so you can begin building your own box of artisanal breads, pastas, and pastries. For a limited time, Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off the first box, plus free croissants in every box when you go to wildgrain.com slash handsome to start your subscription. You heard me, free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com slash handsome. That's wildgrain.com slash handsome or you can use promo code handsome at checkout. Everyone in my house always has something going on.

I'd call this busy season. But as far as I can tell, when you have kids and a busy schedule, there's no other type of season. I don't have a lot of time to grocery shop or cook healthy meals at home. That's why I use Hungry Root. Hungry Root has saved me so much time since I started using it. And unlike other convenient food options, I'm looking at you fast food, Hungry Root is actually healthy. I made the Eggplant Chickpea Ball Hummus Bowl at home.

It took me less than 20 minutes, it was so fresh, and the flavors were restaurant quality. I love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slash handsome and use code handsome. That's hungryroot.com slash handsome code handsome to I want to do more live shows. Yeah, me too. That would be fun. Yeah.

Really want to do more live shows. Yeah. And I want to do more in person as well. We just, it's hard to get together. It's hard to- Oh, in person in the studio together. Yeah, it's been hard because we've had a lot going on, a lot of work, a lot of personal stuff. And so as soon as we can be back in the studio together

or do more live shows, man, will that be great. I'd like to also introduce some new segments like secrets and lies or something, or not that but like, or like truth and. Two truths and a lie. Like two truths and a lie or something. Two against one. Yeah, a little intrigue.

Yeah, why don't we get started? Okay, welcome to secrets and lies. I'm gonna say one truth and one lie. And then you say what is true. Okay. Where's the secret? The secret is actually the prize is I'm going to tell you a secret. Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought this through. You're going to tell everyone the secret? Because the segment's called secrets and lies.

No, you're going to be breaking out in hives. I'm freaking out now. I'm freaking out now. I'm freaking out. I haven't thought this through. Maybe the game was just a truth and a lie. Yeah, let's go truth and a lie. Okay. Yeah, cause you called it secrets and lies.

And then, and then it, then you, I don't know. I got lost. But then did you see May freak out as soon as they were like, and then I'll tell you a secret. Oh God. My neck got really red. Okay, let's hear a secret and a lie. Or no, a truth and a lie.

No, we got rid of the secret. I mean, yeah, oh boy, this game is. I know, this is probably why we should think about this stuff before, but we'll figure it out as we go. Whatever, we're here, let's hear a truth and a lie, May. And queer. Okay, truth and a lie, May. And queer. Okay, truth and a lie. One of these is true, one of them is a lie.

Yeah. Number one, fuck. I'm not sure. Like you were, had it on lock ready to go. I know, I know, okay. Number one, I saw Cher eating breakfast in a hotel lobby. Okay. Number two, I was in an elevator with Tom Cruise

and he sneezed. The second was a lie. Absolutely. How, because you're right, because obviously the first thing I would have told you guys when we started this podcast was. You would never stop talking about. Yeah, I would have told you guys when we started this podcast was. You would never stop talking about. Yeah, I would have kept the shirt I was wearing.

Yeah. Never stop talking about. He and I were rare signing. Back up, nobody would have let you in an elevator with Tom Cruise. Yeah, you're right. They would have been guarding it. His crew would have been so on it.

They're not gonna let little cowboy in there, especially if he's got the sniffles. Yeah, you're right. I went in an elevator once in Australia with Caroline Kennedy. Oh yeah. And her security guard. Rise up lights. Rise up lights.

Rise up lights. Were they eyeing you? They had their, they were looking around. One time I went with my friend to a, here's something I haven't told you guys, I went with my friend to a... A secret. Yeah, to like a little petting zoo in Australia. And we snuck over... What's with Australia?

Well, that's what made me think of it. Oh, fancy. Oh, by the way, Toni Collette, your friend, ripped on my Australian accent on the handsome page. She did, yeah. What did she say? Tony Collette commented, was like, this is awful. She wrote, that's the worst Australian accent I've ever heard or something like that. Something funny like that.

But if she were to say it, she would have said, that's the worst Australian accent I've ever heard. Oh my God. Did people take her joke seriously in Australia? Well, I called her and people laughed. I think people liked it, yeah. Okay. So one time I went to this petting zoo in Australia with my friend, and we wanted to get nearer to-

Where in Australia? This was in- Down under. Just outside of Sydney. Yeah, right down under. And we wanted to get close to the goats and so we actually climbed over a fence. It was this rainy day and we went and we're petting these goats. And then later on, we were in like the sort of entrance area and one of the women who worked there said, like, are you having a nice day?

And we were like, yeah. And then she goes, I heard there were suss young boys trying to touch the goats. And she was describing me and him as suss young boys. He was in his forties and I was myself. Two suss young boys. Yeah. Wow. Great. I love that you were climbing a fence to try to get to the goats.

Wait, aren't we gonna hear a truth and a lie from Fortune? Oh God. Oh sure. I don't even know. Do you have one in the barrel? Yes. I didn't get a cell phone until I was 33. Okay.

And I don't like the smell of incense. Both of those could be true. The second one's a lie. 33. I'm just trying to do the, I'm trying to remember it was around what 2002, 2003 people were getting phones, cell phones. I'm going to say that the, I'm going to say the first one's a lie. And you're saying the second one's a lie, Fortune?

The first one is a lie. Wow, yes. You got it at what, 31? No, I was 29. 31. No, I was 29 when I got a cell phone. I think my first cell phone was my senior year of college, but I don't know why I got one. No one else had one. Really? You were the first?

Yeah. And you had no one to call? No one, except my mom at like a landline. I don't know why I got one and I didn't have that much money, so it was so stupid. When cell phones first came out, remember it was like you're paying for minutes

and it's like, I gotta go, click. Yeah. Oh yeah. For sure. I went over my minutes. Oh yeah, and it's like, I gotta go, click. Yeah, for sure. I ran, I went over my minutes. Oh yeah, I know it's expensive if you went over your minutes. I had a beeper. I did, when I was a sophomore and junior in college.

I got a beeper because I was an RA. What's RA? The Resident Assistant of a dorm. So like you were kind of in charge of a hall. Of course you were. Yeah. That's a fully formed character in my head. You got a beeper, you're an RA, you're fortune.

Well, cause what I would do is you, some of those people probably listen to this. So this is funny, but for me, but you're supposed to, as an art, a part of your job was you had to like, once a week, you couldn't leave your room all night. And then one week in a month, you couldn't leave campus because you were like in charge. So I would write on, you had like little boards that you could write on, you know, I would write like doing rounds, which, because you were supposed to

like go around campus and check on things. Here's my beeper number if you need me. And I would write like doing rounds, which, cause you were supposed to like go around campus and check on things. Here's my beeper number if you need me. And I would like go to IHOP with my friends and like do whatever. So if I got the thing, I would just go to the pay phone and call and be like, I'm by the cafeteria, what's up? Really?

Yeah. Is this a role you volunteered for and then? No, you got paid. Oh, what? What kind of cash? What are we? Really? Is this a role you volunteered for? And then- No, you got paid. Oh, what? What kind of cash? What are we talking about? Friends money?

Minimum wage back then. I wouldn't do it obviously all the time, but occasionally. What, like five bucks an hour? Yeah, something like that. And you got your own room. You didn't have to have a roommate. That was pretty sweet. Oh, that's worth it.

That's a big part. So I did it for two years, but yeah. I'm like, here's my beeper, let me know. Then I got a cell phone, but I wasn't an RA anymore. When I moved to Spain, everyone had a cell phone there, everyone, so they caught on over there first, and everyone and their mother texted, because it was way cheaper than calling.

And I just remember telling my friends back home, like everyone has a cell phone here and they text. And they're like, they what? And I'm like, text. They had no, it was like such a foreign thing to us. I remember the first time I got a text, I was just minding my own business at my house in Venice, California, and my phone popped up with a message on it.

And I was so spooked and I didn't know. It went straight to bed. I was so confused and spooked. I was like, what is happening with my phone? And it was coming from a friend, but I didn't know how they got a message written on my phone. It was very alarming. Take me back.

Should we get a question, see who our question asker is today? Mm-hmm. 100. Today's question asker is an Emmy winning TV and podcast host, comedian, hair stylist, and a New York Times bestselling author, best known as one of the co-hosts of Queer Eye on Netflix. Their latest book is a young adult novel titled Let Them Stare. Jonathan Van Ness is asking today's question. It's criminal.

We haven't had JVN on before. I can't believe it. JVN, they're the perfect guest. And we're all known for our hair, right? Right, guys? Are we all known for our hair? Mine's called the TIG wig. OK, yeah.

Hi, handsome. It's Jonathan Van Ness. And my question is, if you could switch places with anyone, oh my god, I haven't shaken out my curls yet. So nice curls. Don't mind me. If you could switch places with anybody, who would you switch with and why?

Look at those beautiful, popping curls. Wow. Do you think your curls would do that, Fortune? Well, Jonathan has much more hair than me. Right. Those long, luscious locks. If I had somebody do it,

I could probably get the Little House on the Prairie. Or like in Shirley Temple. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes please. Yeah, you have to like scrunch my hair and diffuse it to get the real tight curls. Yeah. Oh man, that's a great question though. What a ray of sunshine in the world too, Jonathan Benless.

Yeah, I remember that first season of Queer Eye that we were all kind of introduced to JVN and just being like, who is this charismatic, amazing person? I know my answer. It was gymnastics too. Oh yeah, yeah. With those curls bopping around? Yeah, that's amazing. Isn't that wild? That would be hard, like balance beams and stuff like that.

Yeah. If we could switch places with anyone. Yeah, May has an answer. Okay. Harry Styles. And I'll tell you why, just for a day, because having like tried to play music on stage with a band and stuff, I just, the way he moves his body effortlessly and is so handsome and sings so well. I didn't even know until I heard this question that what a fan of Harry Styles I am, but it turns out I am. I would just love to be in a big stadium playing those songs and moving like that and seeing all the signs and how fun that would feel. Yeah. Seems fun.

I can see that. I can see that parallel. Cool tattoos and yeah, like I don't know how to move my body when I'm playing the guitar and stuff, like I just stand like a statue at the mic. Oh yeah. Harry's got some moves. I mean, he's out there with those tight pants and that big butterfly tattoo and his little vest.

Yeah. Just making everyone go wild. I wanna show some skin like that, so confident. Yeah, he does seem very comfortable in his own skin and just like he is who he is. And that's that. Yeah. I like, I like them too. Me too.

I guess we do. He's got a mustache right now. I love a mustache. Yeah. Yeah. Love a mustache. You might like that too. Thomas, don't ever shave that thing off.

Don't ever change, Thomas. Don't ever change time. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Graza, my new favorite olive oil. It's fresh, it's never blended, and it comes from a single type of olive, the picul, straight out of high end Spain, where over half the world's olive oil is produced. Grazza is single origin goodness plus they've got super fun squeeze and spray bottles. Grazza's got three versions to suit all your different cooking needs. Frizzle with a high smoke point, sizzle your everyday oil oil and drizzle a bold and flavorful finishing oil. I've got all three Grazza oils and it's made me realize I use olive oil for everything.

And if I'm putting one ingredient in most of my cooking, I want that ingredient to be high quality, fresh and delicious. That's my priority and it's Graza's priority too. So go to graza.co and use Handsome to get 10% off of Trio, which includes sizzle, frizzle, and drizzle. And get to cookin', your next chef quality meal. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by booking.com. Listing your vacation rental on booking.com opens the door to more guests.

Booking.com is one of the most downloaded travel apps in the world. That makes it the place to list your vacation rentals if you want to earn more with consistent bookings, reach new markets, and turn hosting into a steady income. And it's not just access to amazing guests. Booking.com also makes it easy for you to run your growing business. The best part? Getting started is so easy. In less than 15 minutes, you can register your property

and nearly half of partners get their first booking within a week. Whether you're looking to earn that extra income, fill those vacant weekends, or grow your business, head over to booking.com to see how you can get started today. If you've been looking for an opportunity, this one is knocking at your door right now. For the bookings you've dreamed of,

list your property on booking.com. You know that feeling when your kids love snacking, but you don't want to give them junk that's too salty, too sugary, too processed, or all of the above? This is why I love Thrive Market, my go-to online grocery store for getting all of my healthy essentials delivered. And I don't even have to leave my couch. Finding better options for the whole family is easy with Thrive Market's Healthy Swap Scanner. Just scan a product and it instantly recommends healthier

swaps. Like Tig's family, I also like to snack and I've swapped out sugary snacks for high quality dye free favorites like Blake's Seed Based Crispy Treats or Yum Earth Organic Fruit Snacks. They also have so many on-site filters that make it simple to shop by the needs of everyone in the family. Maybe your husband is gluten-free or maybe your children need peanut-free snacks. No more scouring ingredient labels when you can just filter it all on Thrive Market and no more coconut for me ever. Ready to make the switch? Go to thrivemarket.com slash handsome for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift.

That's T-H-R-I-V-E market.com slash handsome. Thrivemarket.com slash handsome. Who would you switch places with? This is a different way in, I think, to the question, but I would switch places. And are we talking about really switching places? Like Harry Styles would be you, or do you just get to be Harry Styles for a day?

I didn't even think. Would Harry Styles be doing the handsome pod with us? I did not even think about that. Oh my God. Yeah. Like Freaky Friday style. Yeah. He's like, interesting point. Oh my God. Yeah. Like Freaky Friday style. Yeah. He's like, interesting point.

Let me tell you. I just did an Australian accent for Harry. Interesting point. Let me tell you about my story. How did you do a British? I think there's some Australians that would beg to differ that you did an Australian accent. How do you do a British Harry Styles accent?

Harry's got kind of, it's like, it's like part American now, but I love singing. I love music. I'm doing like The Beatles kind of, but I don't know. Wait, what's your different way in, Tic? Well, you know, I think I have had, as time has gone on, I've had more and more questions for my mother. And so I have wanted, I would say I'd wanna switch places with my mother so I could get to know her better

and get some answers about her and myself and her life that I could take away because, you know, I remember hearing somebody say, you know, you should interview your parents or loved ones while you still can. And I wish I had been able to interview my mother. So instead of that, I would like to be her for a day. And would you choose a particular time in her life? I think in her older years, just because I would have a lot of questions. And also if she switched places with me,

she could meet Stephanie and Max and Finn. Aw. That's really nice. That's so sweet. Yeah, it's true. I just just I wish she could have met them. But anyway, so yeah, I think that I would switch places with her to to get to know her in a way that I just just can't. Yeah, like see what it feels like to be her moving through the world and feels like to be her moving through the world. And gain the information about her

that I just didn't know or think of, you know, when she was alive, you know? Yeah, in this version, when you become her, you have access to all her memories and everything and brain, that's cool, I like that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I wonder how long we're switching places. I think one day.

One day. Okay. Are you going to choose Biggie? Oh, that would be the simplest day ever. You'd have a penis though. Ew. You'd have not only a penis, but a dog penis. There'd be hair all over it.

A little lipstick. I think it'd be scary to be a dog because you're at the mercy of everyone else. That would give me too much anxiety, though he's over here just living his best life. You also have to just be okay with who adopted you. That's the other weird thing. True, you have to hope they're good to you. I mean, he's got a pretty cush life.

That's true about life anyway, though. Between the two of us, we spoil, I mean, we spoil him rotten. Well, that's a really good one. I like that, Tig. Well, thank you. I don't wanna switch places with my grandmother, but I would like her to answer if she was a lesbian. Uh-huh.

I can answer that for her. Oh my God, maybe you could. Because I'm saying this because I did that, you know, that Tyler Henry medium show. Yeah. Yeah. And he said that like someone in my lineage was gay and that me being out and proud was like that they felt like proud that like I'm like living the life they couldn't.

And I'm like, was that my grandma? I think you should switch places with Tyler Henry and then you can talk to Tate's mom. That seems so stressful. You can talk to all our people. I don't want, I mean. You need to get a notepad. I'll like, Odomay Brown on Ghost.

It's too much. I'll be like, Ghost. Remember she'd be like, leave me alone. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

I'm trying to just, I'm just trying to make money. Get out of here. Yeah. I would like to switch places with him. He seems exhausted after those readings. I know I saw in that reality show he made, but he would sometimes, after he's doing all those readings, he'd just go to bed, lie in bed for it.

I believe it, because there are all these people who are trying to get in, telling stuff, and it's heavy, you know, it was crying Yeah, I don't want to switch places with him, but I appreciate what he does But yeah, I would like to ask my grandma that but I don't wanna help What about she'd have enough fun for me to switch for the day I want to I want to go big like someone whose life is wild like like an Oprah Whoa, Mick Jagger. That's a wild. Whoa, Mick Jagger.

That's a wild life. I met Mick Jagger. When? I'll tell you that, a couple months ago. What? At a party, I was like, it was after the Oscars, I was like, you were funny, he goes, hey, hey. I can't do the accent.

No, you can't. But you know, I was like. And nor can you do the face. No, that was a crazy McJagger. Well, you know, he's like, I met Keith Richards. I can't believe this. Wait, why did you say he was funny?

He presented at the Oscars and he was funny. Oh, okay, and he was funny. He was like, yeah, so we had like a fun little moment. He like was like right on, like laughed. And it was like, I can't believe had like a fun little moment. He like was like right on like laughed. And it was like, I can't believe I just talked to Mick Jagger. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, yeah, if you could do like, but what about like someone today living

today to switch to live there? He is living today. Oh no, sorry. I know. I went down. Yeah. He is alive. I'll talk to his ghost. He's in his 80s and he still runs around the stage like he's Harry Styles.

He's rocking hard. I don't know. I like Oprah's life. She's got like a chef and she's in Montecito. Then you could just zoom all your famous friends all day and then donate a bunch of money to charity and I could just make a world a good a difference in a day. Oh you just donate a lot of money and she gets back in her body and she's desperate to. I just donate a bunch of money to people, have dinner with like someone like famous like I don't know.

Yeah. And zoom people just like go through her phone and just start FaceTiming people. Yeah, that would be good, FaceTiming people. Have her chef make something amazing, check in on Gail, Gail's in space. She's like, I got a kind of a, yeah. And Oprah probably knows a lot of like secrets. And I'd find out everyone's secrets.

Everyone tells Oprah everything. Yeah, you trust Oprah. I would be so juicy. Yeah. Yeah. I think I would be into that. That's a really good answer. Yeah, I think we all had good ones.

Should we hear what all JVN has to say? Yes, please. Better not be my mother. Good old JVN has to say. Yes, please. Better not be my mother. And my answer is Stormy, Kylie's daughter. That Birkin collection is next level. And she, I mean, it seems like everyone in their family

has to get a job somehow, but I bet Kylie wouldn't make her, she even went to, I just, I would love for Kylie to be my mom and have so many Birkins and for Chris to be my grandma and have so many fun cousins and just be like three or four again. So I feel like she's probably having so much fun. Okay, that's what I would say.

Love you guys, bye. I will say I have watched the Kardashian show on Hulu. And those kids are living the life for sure. To be a rich four-year-old is actually the best idea ever. Just bossing people around. Yeah, but Chris Jenner is- Are they bossing people around? No, I'm just saying they could.

But Chris Jenner does seem like a really fun grandma. Yeah. She just like rents Sprinter vans and takes them on hayrides, and there's like treats everywhere. I mean, I can see the appeal of this life. I could do that for you. I could rent a Sprinter van and get treats and take you on a hayride.

OK. Yeah, and I could be your grandmother. Come on, ditch. Put it on the list, Thomas. I'm gonna take Fortune on a hayride and a Sprinter fan. Please. What were they saying about Merkins?

Berkins. Oh, okay, that makes more sense. A Merkin is quite different. Yeah, you wanna explain it to our listeners? A Merkin's like a fake pub wig. Yeah. I thought that was weird. I thought that was weird.

Why does she got a bunch of those? Collected in the field. Does Stormy for real have Merkins? Cause you know, those are like 10 to like 10,000 minimum. And that's rare. But what are they? Birkins? Birkins are Hermes bags, like very high end, very difficult to buy.

You have to get like invited to even look at them. I'm not shocked that Stormy's got access to those. I'll be honest, I've never heard of Stormy, but it's fun to hear about. Yeah, it's Kylie Jenner's kid with I believe Travis Scott. And is she like, people talk about Stormi? I think the Kardashian Jenner folks are talked about in pop culture often. Incessantly. Well, they're kind of like, like pop culture royalty and like Stormi is I guess the heir to that. The heir to the throne.

And you know, Kylie is like a gazillionaire. Her makeup line is like worth a billion dollars. Why aren't we in the makeup phase? I'm saying this to Tig as if Tig's going to go, yeah, I knew that. So Stormi is also the heir to a large fortune. God, I hope my lip-taint company takes off. You do need to get that lip-taint going. I met Kim, or not Kim, the mom. Chris.

Chris, yeah, years ago at Heather McDonald's house. Oh yeah. I find her really sexy, Kris ago at Heather McDonald's house. Oh yeah. I find her really sexy, Chris Jenner. Go for it. She's actually really very nice and personable. I've met her a couple of times and she's always been they're fascinating. Yeah, I find them really likable on the show.

I met her when she was with. Bruce? I mean, yeah. But I guess, Katelyn was Bruce at that point. Yeah, at that time, Bruce. Yeah. And. Were they nice to you?

Yeah, very. There was a joke on Sarah Silverman, I think, at one point about me looking like Bruce Jenner. And then when I met them and shared that, there I was in the arms of Bruce Jenner. That's very funny. I wouldn't mind being JVN for a day to be honest, to have that level of, I mean,

I'm sure they don't have that level of energy and all the time, but man, what a nice vibe. What do you suppose the energy is the other times? Well, I'm just thinking about myself and when I'm alone in my house sometimes my face just melts into like nothing and I'm just sitting down. Would y'all want to be a three or four year old

for a day again or? No. I remember when I first got my double mastectomy, I was hanging out with my, yeah, my very closest friend at the time, and we were just like, when I say we were rolling around in bed, it wasn't romantic,

but he and I were just like hanging out, lying in bed, laughing so hard, and I had like a tight t-shirt on and it was the first time like after my surgery had healed. And I was just like in this really clear, it was just clearly a better place than I had been in a long time. And I felt eight years old. And you know, just having no boobs, a t-shirt on

and laughing with my best friend until we were crying. And it was like the first sign of hope in 2012 for me. So that when I think, I never have felt like, oh, I wanna be a kid or oh, I don't have an issue with growing older. But when I think about that one little moment in time, I'm like, ah, that took me back to, there was some fun about that.

It would be fun, but also to actually be for, but it would so depend on the environment and people you're around, because you're such a little helpless little nugget. You got like four years old going to Disney for the first time with some kind adult would be great, but four years old, you know. I don't have the best memory back then, especially when I was little, little. I had little pieces of things, especially around the age four or five. Do you guys have good memories of that

time in your life? I feel like I have a lot of memories, yeah. Really? It's a real mixed bag of good and bad for me. I don't know why I can't barely remember. Yeah, not necessarily all good, but I have a lot, like I remember it. I remember it happened. Yeah. I know for sure it happened.

I went through it. Yeah. And we don't have, I don't have like a ton of pictures. You know, we didn't have, I don't have like a ton of pictures. I, you know, we didn't have video cameras were not as prevalent. I wish I had like video footage of me more as a kid. Same actually, I have none, yeah. This conspiracy theory listening

are gonna think maybe fortune's AI. Like there's no, like if you're like, I don't have any record of myself before certain age. Yeah, it turns out. Most of my childhood photos, my mother had been in a car accident and broke like every bone in her body. And so she couldn't raise her arm very high.

And when she would take a picture, it would like her arm would jerk down and it would just, I would always tease her because my childhood was just like a picture with my foot in the corner. Like I was just running by and she missed me. My mom would always cut at least one or two people out of the photo without fail.

And usually it was the person you wanted to take a picture with. If like you met someone famous or something, she would inevitably accidentally cut them out. And what was she doing with scissors? No, when she was taking the picture. Oh, I thought you meant after it was developed. No, no, when she was taking it. There was a roll of film back then, you didn't get to see what you were taking.

No sign that whatever happened ever. And we'd be so excited and get the pictures back. We're like, mom! It's just Mickey Mouse's one big ear. Yeah, she's like, I told you I'm bad at this. Well, when you switch places with your mom, you can for that day take so many photos with a proper arm. Yes, indeed. No, Tig will have the bad arms.

I don't know, but will Tig have the consciousness of like, let me lift, try to lift my shoulder up more. Oh, maybe. Yeah, you'll prop it up on. Yeah. Well, I have to be honest that was a good time. I gotta be real with you guys that was a great time. Oh my gosh. Did you enjoy yourself? Biggie's on camera fully naked. He just asked if I planned to switch places with him because he wanted to know if he'll be doing this podcast with Harry Styles. Oh, I got my mother. Is he a fan?

Definitely a fan. He's also Tig's mother and Mickey. It's my mother, Harry Styles, and who is yours, Fortune? Oprah. Oprah. Thank God I would subscribe so fast. Welcome to Elsa. Is it going to be like that?

Yeah, keep it. I hope Oprah gives some of our fans a car. Me too. Hi, Biggie. Look at that precious face. He's sweet. Does anyone have anything going on coming up?

I got these three tour shows doing playing my album. I'm a TV and some new songs as well and telling stories in Portland and San Francisco and Vancouver around songs as well, and telling stories in Portland and San Francisco and Vancouver around June 10th, 12th and 13th. But check out maymartinmusic.com for tickets. And I'm at Largo as well,

once a month doing new material with guests. So check that out. June 14th, Eureka Springs, Arkansas, P-Town on August 23rd. And other than that, check out the documentary 14th Eureka Springs, Arkansas, P-Town on August 23rd. And other than that, check out the documentary that I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's making its rounds at festivals and killing it real hard. Go to tignotaro.com for all my show information.

I'm working out material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter and all the information is right there online. Fortune, what's going on with you? FF. June 5th, I'm at St. Louis, Missouri. Then I have Kansas City, Missouri, Wichita, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Knoxville, Asheville. Then we added some fun new ones like in Houston and DC, Chicago, Boston.

You can go to forgingfemester.com for those tickets and come hear me talk about some biscuits. And then we'll a bunch of you guys, we posted on our Instagram asking where you guys wanted us to come to a live show at some point and we got a crazy amount of comments. So we'll have to look into that and yeah put that on the books at some point. We want to come see you. Man, I love our live shows. I love them so much. I want to keep doing them. And again share your favorite episodes with people that have never listened to the podcast. Friends, family, neighbors, co-, and help build the handsome community.

Cause it's a fun one. Stay tuned for more segments. Yeah, maybe they come up with some amazing segments. Yeah, I'm going to come up with something better. Over 2300 comments of people telling us where to go. There's not even that many towns and cities in the world. I know. All right, well, until next time,

shall we keep it handsome? Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that your friend is actually

in disbalancing before taking them on an exploration of your area's underground cave and aqueduct system. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire andings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg. And I'm Kristin Schall. And we're going to be hosting the new podcast, The Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do. We talk to people who have broken records on slack lines suspended by hot air balloons. We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on trampolines.

You'll have to tune in to find out how many flips they did. Subscribe to Extraordinarians on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch me. God, in three. Watch it on the YouTube. There's new episodes that we release every Wednesday. We do.

I've never seen you cry before. I know. I don't know how I feel about it. This is upsetting for all of us. They don't let us prank for lunch! They do! The podcast is so competitive, they make you just talk it down. Guys, we're watching a spin out. Please subscribe.

Oh man. Extraordinarians.