Handsome - Kate Moennig asks about flesh-colored toe shoes

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Kate Moennig of "The L Word" and the Pants Podcast asks Handsome a whimsical would-you-rather about boring conversations and... flesh-colored toe shoes?! Plus Hooters (not a sponsor), Kate Moennig's lookalike, and more!LIVE STREAMING SHOW Aug 24! Tickets: dynastytypewriter.com/handsomeHandsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Fortune Feimster. I'm May Martin. I'm Tig Notaro. And we're back together.

The band's back together once again. Once again, we did it. We got back together. Thank God. I missed you guys as always. Really, what does that look like for you when you're really missing us? Does that mean like, are you sitting crying? Are you dreaming about us?

What's definitely staring out of a window, single tear rolling down, looking out to the yonder. Uh huh. Like a regular old Katie Lang. Yeah. Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie Lang. Yeah. Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie Lang.

Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie Lang. Oh, Katie. Oh, we're not straight. Oh. Oh, Katie Lang.

I forgot I was on the- Oh, Katie. We're definitely not straight. Even though Fortune looks it. Do I? She's not. Oh, because my hair is so blonde. You do, you're looking particularly

pretty little ladyish today. You look beautiful. Well, I have a show tonight, so. Oh, okay. I try to look as straight and pretty as possible. Well, you are nailing it. You're going to have a bunch of guys chasing your skirt right out of that show tonight. I can only hope so.

I feel like a dude because I just got to the hotel, I had to drive from the airport and I went straight to the Hooters. Oh, I forgot this. This is a quality about you that I would love to dig into actually. It's a quality about me. What is it about Hooters?

So, you're fortunate you love the Hooters, correct? So, in my stand-up special, Sweet and Salty, I told a story about how my family always went to Hooters when I was growing up. Like it was very commonplace for my family because I have two older brothers. Well, you came from a conservative religious upbringing. I mean, conservative in that it was like the South and you go to church, but my mom and

Hooters, well, my mom was not conservative until she started dating this man. Oh, I've heard about, he was conservative. And so one night I suggested we go to Hooters and my mom who'd taken us to Hooters my entire life was like, I have never been to Hooters and I was like, are you crazy? Did you call her out? Yeah. She went through this whole, I have never been, and you know this. And so I wrote this whole standup bit going into like how we'd always been to Hooters.

And then that led to they took they even took me to Hooters for my 21st birthday. And my whole family was there and the waitresses made me stand on a bar stool. And they they circled around me and jumped up and down because your president was that you got to look down and see boobies fly. And your mother was surprised when you came out. Tig, honestly, she was shocked. It's almost like she led you there. I know that was what the whole, the whole crazy thing was.

So now when she could lead the horse to water and the horse did drink, the horse drank, the horse drank it up. and the horse did drink. The horse drank. Yeah, the horse drank it up. So now that story has become such a part of, I don't know, a lot of people saw it, so they come to my shows now, a lot of people wear Hooters shirts.

Oh my God. So it follows me and I don't do anything to squash it. I go to Hooters and eat lunch. It feels like such a relic Hooters. I love that it's still thriving. It's still around in there. I don't know that it's thriving. Okay, yeah, it's just you alone.

It was thriving in the nineties for sure. Cause that was before you could see boobies on your phone. So you had to go somewhere to see boobies. Was the whole family loading up, heading out to see boobs or as you say, boobies? That you don't call them boobies? I don't, I don't. Oh, interesting.

You call them T-O-Bitties. I do. I do. I truly was going for the chicken wings. I think my mom also was going for the chicken wings. In fact, I'm certain she was going for the chicken wings. I think my mom also was going for the chicken wings. In fact, I'm certain she was going for the chicken wings. My brothers liked the chicken wings and the boobies. Okay, were there no other chicken wings in town?

No, Hooters was just really good. They were fried. My family loves fried food. We're all fatty fats. Who doesn't love chicken wings? And I have been to Hooters only once. And for the first time, yeah, maybe five or six years ago, I went and I did have like a gallon of chicken wings.

Yeah. I was gonna say a gallon of boobs. Gallon of boobs. I hate to knock on Hooters because it has a special place in my heart. It is past its prime. Right. It's just a different thing now, you know,

boobs are everywhere, it's not as salacious. What do you mean now, you know, boobs are everywhere. It's not as salacious. What do you mean boobs are everywhere? Truly boobs are everywhere. Truly. You can go Google right now boobs and they show up. Oh, I see. Okay.

But in the 90s, I mean, these girls were like super models. Yeah. Yeah. And now these girls, those girls are like, why am I going to sell chicken wings when I can be on OnlyFans or something like that? Exactly. Exactly. Right. So like today, for instance, when you went, you're there by yourself eating. I took it to go. I'm not that sad. Okay. You took it to go. Yeah. I didn't eat by myself in the food area.

I ate by myself in my room. Yeah, I had to get to go because we were recording and I'm traveling today, so it was a fast situation. I dated a girl that worked at Hooters when she was, I think, in college. Nice. Yeah. Sweet grows four. Yeah. And her grandmother didn't-

All sorts. Yeah. And her grandmother didn't- All sorts. Oh my God. Hooters with all grandmas working there would be great. Well, and here, this could make sense because what her grandmother wasn't familiar with Hooters, she just knew that her granddaughter worked at Hooters, but she always called it Hootsies. Oh, Hootsies. And so that could be where the 65 and older people work

is at Hootsies. I would love a Hootsies. Have some low hanging Hootsies. Yeah. That sounds amazing actually. And then also her grandmother called me, what did she call me? I'd never met her grandmother,

but her grandmother called me. She called you sweet tits. I mean, who doesn't call me sweet tits? Her grandmother called me tibs. Tibs. Oh, that's cute. I like that. She was like, oh, how's Tibbs?

And are you still working at Hootsies? Oh my God, I like that. I love that so much, Tibbs. Yeah, pretty great. Thank you. Am I Tibbs or am I Tidge? Yeah, Tidge. You have all the nicknames.

Tibbs sounds like I come from like an old novel. Yeah, Tidge sounds like Charles Dickens, like you're an orphan and you just showed- Like the Huckleberry Finn. Huckleberry Tidge. Well, I am a 53 year old orphan, so I am, yeah. That's true. Sorry to bring it up.

Oh, I'm well aware. My kids yesterday were telling me that if they could have one wish, they would bring back my whole family. Oh my God. That's actually adorable. That's so sweet. It was so sweet, but it was also like, Oh God.

Oh my God. They got my whole family. He is gone. Well, my brother's alive, but- Oh, good, good. That's right. That's right. But yeah, it was really sweet. It is gone. Well, my brother's alive, but. Oh, good, good. That's right. That's right.

But yeah, it was really sweet. That was their one wish that they would bring back my whole family. They're like, mommy's lonely. It's kind of the opposite is my tiny roommate recently heard a new thing is being like, when you die, can I have that? Like about my belongings? Yeah. Don't let the door hit you on I'm like, yeah, yeah.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Yeah, seriously. Hope nothing happens to you. Yeah. What is the prize possession? Oh, I'll tell you. Actually, I'll tell you. I used to be into collecting little ornaments,

like little, you know, like, I don't know, like a crystal and a Victorian coin and like a little metal hedgehog or whatever. Sure, got to. Yeah, got to. And I had this like wooden display case with all the little squares in it. And so I hadn't shown it to her yet

because I just knew as soon as she saw it everything would be broken and missing. So anyway, I finally showed it to her and her eyes coveting these little objects. Just like, it was so hard for her to not have them, to not own them. And I get it, yeah, yeah. But she was like, so when you die.

And so wait, you would not part with them at this age? No, they're really, so it's things like, I have my grandfather's snuff box, you know, and I never met him. Just all these objects together have a kind of mystical power. And at a certain point, because I used to have them out all the time,

and then I thought, I think I'm living in the past, and like, they're too powerful, so I kind of put them away, but I can't bring myself to get rid of them. They're too powerful. Yeah, what is the power? What are they doing? Like it's such intense nostalgia,

cause it's, I've collected them over different parts of my life. Some of them were like my grandparents watch and things like that. And then some are from like exes and some are, and I just couldn't, I'm prone to nostalgia and like pouring over my old journals and stuff. Oh really?

Yeah, and I don't want to like encourage that quality of myself. So you're like tuck these away. Yeah. I just reached out to an ex of mine and sent her a picture saying of your tits. Yeah, those sweet tits. No, of my tits in a dumpster.

No, of my tits in a dumpster. No, I sent her a picture of this and said, you know, I came across this today and thought of you. Is that roadkill? Is that a dead bird roadkill? It's owl vomit. How would one know that that's owl vomit? Well, my son Max told us, he said that owls cannot digest fur or bones or claws. Who can?

Well, I don't know. But yeah, he said that that's what the owl throws up. Oh, wow. It was on your hike. Well, it was just, yeah, out in the wilderness and what have you. And so I sent her that picture and just thought of you today. Why did it make you think of her?

Oh, she wrote, you know, oh, is that owl vomit? And I said, yeah. And did she really write that? Yeah, she loves owls. Oh, okay, okay, that checks out then. I'm like, uh. Did she really write that? Yeah, she loves owls. Oh, okay, okay. That checks out then. I'm like, how does everyone know about owl vomit? Yeah.

Yeah, so I did. I thought of her right away. I was like, wow, how's she doing? I'm surprised that the owl throws up that stuff and doesn't just like poo out the bones. Like that was, it's a real pain in the ass to eat something and then have to throw up part of it. Anyway.

It'd probably be pretty tough to poop it out too. That's true. To have flaws and full on bones and just a huge clump of fur. I know, I just had these chicken wings. Those bones are coming up. Wait, you just had chicken hootsies today? Yeah.

Yeah, that's how we got onto it. Oh, okay. I missed that that was today. I only brought it up because I checked in and literally went straight to the hootsies. Are you impressed that I dated someone that worked at hootsies? So impressed.

Okay. I mean, I know you guys were like, wow, yeah, but I mean, I just really wanna know, are you impressed? I'm very impressed. I feel like you dated a lot of different people though, like a wide variety. Sure. Cause you came out like an 18 or something, no?

No, I mean, my face and my hairstyle might've come out before I did, but yeah, I've certainly dated a good amount. I always think if you had everyone that you had ever slept with in a room gathered and pretend to be a small room. Oh, here she is now. But how long would it take, for instance, everyone that you've ever slept with, how long would it take them to figure out what they have in common? Like, is there a... Owl vomit.

Like do they all look alike or you know what I mean? Like mine is such a random mix of people that- Well, I was telling Stephanie the other day that I feel like my taste truly boils down to I love writers. Oh yeah, we were saying this- Whether it's a musician, a poet, an author, a comedian, just people that write, I've realized that.

And I also love funny people. Me too. And if they're not funny, then just they have to be so on fire with their sense of humor. But for sure in the arts, I mean, even if they're not arrived, certainly dated, you know, painters and actors and whatever. But I feel like the majority of my taste boils down to I love a writer. Interesting.

Hmm. I also feel like like funny is so important, but also just that they laugh at the right things and are big laughers. Yeah, I like people who laugh easily and laugh at the right things. Yes, absolutely. I'm amazed you said poets, because there's something about,

it's a big risk, because you date someone who says, I'm a poet, and then you know you're gonna see their poetry at some point. And if it's not good, that's, like if you actually don't like someone's art, that's a real, that's tough.

I think. Oh, if you don't like their poems. Oh my gosh, absolutely. If somebody- Roses are red. Yeah. Yours are blue. Wait, shh, let's hear her out, May. Yeah.

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They are so good. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. That's wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. That's wonderfulpastachios.com. You know, not that this person is my type, but of course there's the incredible Andrea Gibson who is, who takes poetry to a whole other level. I mean, Andrea goes from being the funniest person. I mean, truly like a stand, the best standup you'll ever see. Really?

So funny, but it's so incredible the wave that you ride because you'll be laughing so hard and then Andrea will go into a poem that will destroy you where you're sobbing and then come out of that and then break the mood with the most hilarious thing and it's just on and on and on. So anyway, not my type. Andrea and I, I don't believe whatever date, but- Never say never.

I'm pretty positive that we're not gonna. You're like, I'm pretty positive that we're not gonna. You're like, I'm married. I'm pretty happily married and Andrea's very happily partnered up with another incredible poet. Oh really? Yeah, anyway. Two poets in the night. Yeah. I heard this anecdote that really happened to someone and I want to tell you guys.

Please, please, yes. So this is a producer on the show I'm making and I've known him for years. He's this like a British guy and this really happened to him and I can confirm, cause it sounds like you wrote it, but I saw like the text screenshot. So, okay, his wife, so his mother-in-law

gets a text from her great aunt and it's a group text to the whole family and it's saying, hi, I'm so sorry to have to say this, but Robert, my husband's passed away and it was, you know, he's been sick for a while, but it was still unexpected and I'm a widow now and thank you for your love. Anyway, heartbreaking text. So she's like, oh God, yeah, I've got to think. And then she also has a separate text thread with her bingo group. Uh-oh. And she receives a text around the same time

on her bingo thread saying, oh my God, like Brian or whatever, just one 20 grand in bingo from the group. She responds to the bingo thread, but she accidentally responds to the death thread. So she writes to her great aunt, on the whole family is on there, in response to Robert's passed away,

she writes, great news exclamation mark, you'll be next. Can you believe? Oh my God. Did she realize what she had done right away? Do we know? Immediately and she's calling her daughter going, what do I do? How do I like, she's not very tech savvy.

And it's like hard to even convince the family members that that was an accident. Incredible news. Great news, you'll be next. Oh my God. Oh wow. I had to tell you. That is pretty good.

I'm glad that you shared that. That was a great antidote. Because you can't, wait antidote? Didn't you say I have an antidote to share with you? Anecdote. Anecdote. Anecdote. Anecdote.

Anecdote. Antic-dote. Antic-dote. I thought you meant like an antidote to Tick talking about poetry. My bad, I can't pronounce things. Well, should we listen to today's questioner? I think we should. It would be weird.

It would be really weird if we didn't. Yeah, I think it'd be really weird. Yeah. I just saw this questioner in person. Really, are you friends? Yeah. Oh, no way, and you are too, right, Teg? Definitely friends and definitely friendly.

I wouldn't say, I mean, I have their phone number. That's, yeah. Ooh. Yeah, I have socialized with this person. Okay. And my wife worked with this person. Okay. And my wife worked with this person. Of course. But I can't sit here and claim

that this is my closest friend. Yeah. But I did go out to eat with her and her wife recently. Sounds pretty close to me. Okay, all right. It's pretty close, pretty close. Fortune, you went to Hooters with her recently. I wish.

I know we saw each other at Chicago Pride. Oh, nice. Yeah. Well, I am only a- With Alicia. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They have a podcast.

We should just say who it is. Yeah. Today's question asker is an actress and podcaster best known for her role as Shane on The L Word and L Word Generation Q. She also played Lena on Ray Donovan and Professor Paige Hewson on Grown-ish in addition to hosting the Pants podcast with past Handsome Questioner, Leisha Haley. Kate Medig is asking today's question.

Can I just say real quick before we get to the question? Yeah. Today's question. Can I just say real quick before we get to the question that Kate is like so many women's fantasy. I wanna talk about that. From the original L word, I mean, I did like a little cameo when it came back and I've never had more people in my life text me and I'm just doing like a blip on the radar kind of role,

but they're like announced it. And I couldn't believe how many straight women texted me. And they were like, I fantasize about Kate all the time. And they were just refer to Kate as Shane. Like, Shane Kate was like the person for everybody. Shane Kate was like the person for everybody. A very iconic character. And for me, it was like, well, one of the first sort of, I want to say like slightly mask energy, like queer women that was like very universally desirable to everyone.

Like it really was a, cause I remember I was pretty young when it, and it was like, yeah, watching that show, watching Shane as a character made me make more sense to myself because it was like a mask character. Were you attracted to Shane, May? I'm attracted to everyone, you know? I know, I know, yeah. Yeah, of course, but mainly I was,

I wanted to be Shane for sure, yeah. And Shane was kind of like the bad boy in girl form. We had not really seen that. Yeah, unapologetically just slutting it up. Just banging all these hot chicks, slept it right. I mean. Oh, Chad, honestly. The L word definitely was like,

it came out when I was still in the closet and I watched it in secret because I was like, I didn't want anyone to know that I was watching the L word because they might think I was gay. Yeah. Meanwhile, you're watching it in Hooters. I'm watching it again by myself in my room, probably eating Hooters. Running from wainers. It just blew my mind, the whole thing. Yeah, me too.

I was really into Jennifer Bills. Of course. That was the person I was like, va va vooma. And before we play the question, one more thing is that when I was in high school, Kate Manig was in a music video for Our Lady Peace, a Canadian indie rock band. And it's for the videos,

Is Anybody Home is a song and and she's so fucking cool in the video and I love that band and I watched the video a lot anyways you know it's funny is after Stephanie was on L word generation Q cuz I you know I'm very familiar with that show and these characters mainly though Leisha and Kate only just because they're iconic people. I didn't know that Jennifer, I guess she's like the main character or she, I had no idea.

I thought Kate and Leisha were the two main characters of that show. And Stephanie was- It was like an ensemble, right? I guess, but Stephanie, I don't know. Stephanie just thought it was hilarious that I thought Jennifer Beals was like a, you know, character in the background.

I was like, what are you talking about? Who's that lady drinking coffee over there? Yeah, I was like, I thought it was all around Kate and Leisha. And I don't know if it was because I was hanging out with them that I thought that, but I was like, I thought it was all around Kate and Leisha. And I don't know if it was because I was hanging out with them that I thought that, but I was like, what do you mean? I thought, I truly thought she was like some side character, you know, off in the distance.

And that's not the case. Well, everybody kind of latched onto different characters for different reasons of being there. That's my person. And then they made, I mean, this is the era they made the real L Word when after it came out, it was a reality show about a bunch of queer women and my friend was on it and we didn't really know,

she'd gone off to do it and we're all like, oh crazy. And then I remember watching it and she's like fingering someone on TV and we're all like, what? I know. And- On the reality show. On the reality show. On the reality show. It's surreal y'all.

Those were the days where there'd be some night vision camera and you're seeing people fully bone on reality TV. Yeah, they had like a, them yeah, doing it. I mean, not like that. Doing what? About to do it or something. It, you know. It. It. It. Wow. They had like a do it or something. It, you know, it, it, it.

It. Wow. They had like a strap on or something. I was like, oh my God. I was like clutching my pearls too. Wow. I had friends on that reality show too. I didn't know they were up to that though.

Hell yeah. I mean, they might themselves not have been doing that. Well, I'm going to text them and ask them what is going on. Should we see what Kate's question is? Yeah, we should. That's why we're here. And that's why we're queer. Get used to it.

Hi, Handsome Podcast. It is Kate Manicare. And my question is, would you rather for the next seven years of your life have to fall into the most boring conversation that each of you individually could ever consider? The worst conversation. You have to have this conversation every single day for the next seven years. Between one to three hours in length. And the catch is you don't know what part of the day this conversation is going to happen. I love a boring conversation.

But it will happen every single day. Or? But it will happen every single day. Or for the rest of your life, would you rather wear flesh-colored toe shoes? You have to wear it every time you go outside. It doesn't matter if it's a premiere, going to the grocery store, doing any kind of personal appearance. With every single outfit,

you have to wear flesh-colored toe shoes. And the catch is, you cannot tell anyone that you took this would you rather dare. You just have to own the fact that you now wear toe shoes. Flesh-colored toe shoes. Wow. So specific.

Now, did anyone notice? I know Kate is a sex symbol, okay? As probably all of us, right? Right, but Thomas, could you put the picture back up? Did you notice we looked exactly alike? Oh, y'all were dressed the same, yeah? Oh, yes. Okay, so.

Another sex symbol in our present. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you plan that? That was. You have not ever worn that color. Did I plan to be this sexy? Yeah, just comes about that naturally. I should have dressed up like Tom Hanks.

May and I are kind of twinsies. Yeah, we are. Yeah, this is not a typical thing. It's an around the house look. I like it. So, okay, what a question. Okay, what a question. I've just done the math on my phone

and if you had for seven years, a boring conversation for one hour a day. She said one to three. Oh, fuck. You should do two. You should do two. I'm gonna keep that conversation for one hour a day. She said one to three. You should do two. You should do two. I'm gonna keep that conversation to one hour. Well, we can double what Matthew did, we double it.

Yes, okay, so I came up with, that's 2,555 hours. So doubled that. Over 5,000. Oh my God, and you're, you only live once. Yeah, but the rest of your life, toe shoes? But how does that really affect you? I hate toe shoes, let you only live once. Yeah, but the rest of your life, toe shoes. But how does that really affect you? I hate toe shoes, let me just say this. Well, let's calm down, Fortune, okay?

You guys know what toe shoes are, right? To be honest, no. I don't think I do. You don't? What are toe shoes? What are they? Toe shoes are the shoes that have individual toe cutouts. You know what I'm talking about? are the shoes that have individual toe cutouts.

You know what I'm talking about? They wear like swimming shoes. They're barefoot shoes. Tig loves those. I hate them. I don't wear the actual toes in each thing, but I do wear barefoot shoes sometimes, which you know when people, their toes start going in all different directions

and you get that big bone coming out, one of those, you gotta go to the doctor, get it sawed off or- A bunion, right? Shove back in. Yeah, well- Shove that back in. You know, you're naturally supposed

to be walking barefoot. Mm, right. Listen, look it up. Don't everyone get mad at me when I start saying this, but your feet don't actually need support because your feet are born with all of the support it needs. And if you walk barefoot, you keep your toes all loose and able to move and like, you should still be able to move your toes

kind of like fingers. Like when you see babies, they can still move their toes like that. Of course. So is this an easy question for you? You're like, great, bring on the flesh colored toes. Yeah, well, I can't stand, not only can I not stand a boring conversation,

I don't like small talk. I don't like any of that. And I would much rather just sit alone and be quiet and observe. But I am interested in boring people. I find them fascinating. And I've wanted to do a podcast, I don't know if I've talked to you about this

where I interview boring people and they come on knowing that they are boring and I would wanna dissect it and be like, okay, like right now, the story you just told me, I'm dreadfully bored. Why did you think that was interesting? You know? Oh my God.

Okay, so you might get a kick out of that too. I feel like. Yeah, I think you can go either way for you. Yeah. I know, it's weird. But I think I would choose toe shoes slash barefoot shoes. I could see you wearing those. Also Kate said that.

How dare you? Even at a premiere. How dare you? I could see you wearing that headset at a premiere. Can I take your order? How closely do you track your bank statements and credit card history? Are you combing through every single charge

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Experience the ease and convenience of shopping Bluenile, the original online jeweler. Go to bluenile.com today. That's bluenile.com. Kate said that the conversation could strike at any time. So you could be about to go on stage and then the tech guy backstage is just like, can I talk to you about Bitcoin?

And then you're there and the audience is going, where's the take? And you're like, I gotta do this. You have to bring that boring person on stage. Yeah. And make it part of the act. Which would be fun. That would be fun.

That would be really fun to bring a boring person. I think I would go with the toe shoes as well. Really? Yeah, I think- Fortune, you're going towards boring, but let's hear May go on. Yeah, let's hear May. The problem is, because you can't tell people

that that was a would you rather and that you're being forced to do it. So Kate said, so you gotta own it, and then- But it's for the rest of your life. The rest of your life. And that makes you the type of person that's like, I'm so quirky, I'm wearing flesh colored toe shoes. And that is really annoying as a quality in a person.

You know, so I don't know. But yeah, I'm gonna do that. Are you calling me annoying? Oh, sorry, I forgot. Yeah, I chose toe shoes. Yeah, and you were pumped about it too. Well, and I'm gonna have really good looking feet at the end of my life. Yeah, your toes are gonna wiggle. And you guys pumped about it too. Well, I'm gonna have really good looking feet at the end of my life.

And you guys are gonna be, your brain is gonna be dripping out of your, that's what I picture, when a boring person, when somebody's telling me a boring story, all I can picture is opening my head, cracking my skull open, taking my brain out, and then throwing it against the wall and watching it slowly slide down the wall. Eww!

Don't you judge me. That is how I feel when somebody's telling me a boring story. I'm like, oh God. So graphic! Well, it's- Your podcast is gonna have, you're gonna really be having some brain splatter. Fortune, do you think you would be able to just check out, like during the conversation you just go,

I'm gonna use this hour to just meditate in my head. So you're kind of nodding, active listening, but you just are. Well, yeah, Kate didn't say I couldn't like play best scenes or something. Don't talk to me about best scenes. There's no rule that I have to like engage. They could talk at me.

I've had people talk at me plenty. Oh my God, that's, people do it all the time. So I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go with the boring conversation because I wanna- Oh God! I wanna- Oh! I need to get it over with.

I need to, it's like a prison sentence. Like, let's get the time in seven years. It's only seven years, I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Let's get the time in. For a lifetime of toe shoes? I hate toe shoes. I hate boring stories.

When I, I've seen people wear toe shoes. Unless I'm telling them. I roll my eyes every time. I don't know what it is. No offense to anybody out there in their toe shoes right now. I feel like rock climbers wear toe shoes a lot. Rock climbers definitely seem to wear toe shoes. Well, cause they need to keep their,

they can't have their toes all mangled and go in weird directions when they're climbing a mountain. Yeah. You know? I remember I got Sarah Silverman so sold on barefoot shoes. She bought toe shoes. What's barefoot shoes versus toe shoes? Barefoot shoes, they have a wider.

Google it. Yeah. Google it. Yeah. They got a bigger like front area where your toes go. So when you walk, yeah. So when you walk, your toes aren't squeezed into that point that a shoe makes.

And then also- I wear very pointy heels. But even just regular shoes, they're always made to kind of come to a point of some sort. And then they also are very flat because everyone's getting thicker and thicker, thicker shoes. And the best thing you can actually do for your feet is to walk with less support. I love a little support on my feet. You know what I love?

The feeling, but I feel like I haven't had this since I was that support. I love a little support on my feet. You know what I love? But I feel like I haven't had this since I was a kid. But when you're a kid and you go to get a pair of shoes, your parents take you to buy some shoes. And in the shoe store, they measure your foot with that metal device. It feels so good. For some reason, your sock foot on that metal thing,

it's all, I loved that feeling. You could probably buy one and just measure your feet every morning. Maybe I need to start a role play with Barb. It's like shoe salesperson. Yes, that's your next role play. Okay, what about this? What's worse to both of you?

A person telling a deeply boring story. And when I say I hate boring stories, you know I love to tell boring stories. I tell my kids. Yeah, on purpose. Yeah, I tell my kids boring stories at night and they beg for them and it puts them to sleep. But would you prefer a boring story or somebody trying desperately

to tell you an interesting story, to be interesting? Do you know what I'm saying? Where you know they're trying so hard to impress you. Yeah, I prefer that. I prefer that. Probably, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because they're at least trying

and you're like, oh, you're trying. Well, the boring person's trying too. Not as hard. But they might be. But sometimes with some- But they can't read themselves. The worst is when you can tell they just like the sound of their own voice

and they're just, yeah, they're not picking up on any of your cues. And did you guys know the Ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz? They sold at auction for 660 grand. That's the most and it's the most that a pair of shoes. Is that a lot of money? 660 grand.

Oh, that's a lot. Fuck, it's so most that a pair of shoes- Is that a lot of money? 660 grand. Oh my God. Yeah, that's a lot. Fuck, it's so- Some gay man bought those, baby. Yeah, yeah, some gay man. But that's a ton of money, but I- Where did that fact come from? I've always known-

Well, shoes. Shoes, shoes. What if they made Ruby Slipper flat shoes, or Ruby Slipper toe shoes? Toe shoes? Yeah. No, I'm interested. They're not going for $660,000. Yeah. They made ruby slipper flat shoes or ruby slipper toe shoes. Yeah. They're not going for $660,000. Yeah.

Was Judy Garland's foot in those? No. Oh, you know whose shoes I have? Who? Whoopi Goldberg's. What do you mean? Oh, y'all accidentally exchanged them when you met the Pope.

No, I did the View a few years ago and when we were walking out, it was Christmas, like holiday season and she was like, I said something about how I used to watch her HBO. May, must you yawn through my Whoopi Goldberg shoe story? I'm so sorry. What if Whoopi saw that? May, you didn't choose boring stories for seven years. Exactly.

No, I didn't think that you caught that. I'm so sorry. Of course I did. Your entire face was wide open. No, I enlisted you. No, I'm deeply, I'm into the Whoopi story. I should have leaned out to you. So Whoopi and I are walking out

and I was telling her how I used to love watching her HBO one person shows on HBO. And then she bent down as we were doing a walk and talk down the hall. She bends down, kicks her shoes off. She said, you know what, Tic? I'm a fan of yours too. Here are my shoes.

And they are high heel shoes. Do you know how awkward it is? Wait, do you know how awkward it is to be mid conversation and have somebody take their shoes off and say, I'm gonna give you my shoes? And she's famous for her shoes. What is happening? Oh, I didn't know that.

Because I was like, I could see a basketball player giving a kid a shoe. I didn't know this either, but Stephanie told me that on The View, Whoopi wears crazy shoes, which is very crazy because when I was with her in Rome, she basically had like, Tiva looking shoes on. But anyway, Stephanie said they use a, they do a whoopee shoe cam,

cause her shoes are so crazy. Oh, I didn't know that. So I'm mid conversation with Whoopee Goldberg and I'm bending down to pick up the shoes that she just kicked off. Wait, so she did- And I just casually picking them up and then continuing to talk and walk with her as I'm carrying her high heel shoes that are in, they're designed to look like Rudolph.

The front of them have red noses and it's reindeer shoes. Hilarious. So I leave, I go home, my brother, my sister-in-law, my in-laws, everybody's in town and I'm like, you guys, they're in town for Christmas. I'm like, Whoopi Goldberg just gave me her shoes. Everyone in my family put on Whoopi's shoes and ran all around our house. Everyone tried them out. Oh my God.

And now we put them on the mantle at Christmas time. Oh, it's like Christmas treasure. There's something, the biggest power move about that is that she didn't pick them up and hand them to you. She kicks them off and then you had to bend down and pick them up. Of course. I love it. Whoopi Goldberg isn't going to kick them off and hand them to me. She's going to be like, she's like, I know you want these. Here you go. That's so funny.

Yeah. I don't know if I would have picked up on that cue. I would have been these, here you go. That's so funny. Yeah. I don't know if I would have picked up on that cue. I would have been like, what? When she kicked off the shoes. Yeah. Well, she said, I'm gonna give you my shoes. That was the main cue. And you just took it in stride.

You were like, oh, thanks. She truly was somebody that was such an inspiration to me as a kid. I just, I used to watch her HBO specials with how Fortune would watch The L Word. I would watch it with the volume down because she was talking about abortion. Adult things. Yeah, so many adult topics. I was so into her when I was a kid. And so it was, yeah, if she's kicking her shoes off

and saying, I'm gonna give these to you. I don't have any further questions. I'm just like, thank you. You should have her sign them. I was very into- Down the road. Yeah. Take those puppies back to New York.

I'll wear them to the view next time and kick them off and be like, whoopie, sign those. I wish when she met the Pope, she gave him her shoes. I was very into, like my intro to her was the movie Ghost, I think. And then- Yeah, Ghost. Yeah, and I remember being, yeah, Ghost.

That should have been the tagline of the movie. I remember being like too young to know that I was finding it kind of horny, but when he finding it horny. When he inhabits her body and so she slow dances with Demi Moore, but it's Patrick Swayze, but it's also whoopee. I was like, I like this. Yeah, it was sexy. Yeah, right? Yeah.

Have you ever role played the pottery? No. The, right? Yeah. Have you ever role played the pottery? No. Pottery situation? You and Tarf? We gotta get a pottery wheel and you're right. Oh my God, put that on a list. Put it on a list.

The movie was the best. It's such a good movie. I haven't watched it in a long time. Do you think it holds up? You never know. It's like a goblin comes to get him at some point and he's like, there's a goblin. When the guy-

I saw that movie. I did see that movie. I did not, I don't remember a goblin. No, when the bad guy dies from the window glass or whatever, he's clearly going to whatever the movie's version of hell is. Yeah. And it has like, and he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, something's coming to get him and it's like,

yee-wee-dee-ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah him. And it's like, oh my God. Are you confusing this with Ghostbusters? Where to God? You guys. No, I know what you're talking about. Two against one. I really love how you acted it out. I'm telling you, there's that noise.

And it's supposed to be like, he's going to hell. It had this song, it had Unchained Melody in it. That song. I mean, songs can really make a movie. It's supposed to be like, he's going to hell. It had this song, it had Unchained Melody in it, that song, you know. Oh, that. I mean, songs can really make a movie. They really can. Yeah, I love that. What's another example? That one, the space movie with Aerosmith.

Oh yeah, don't wanna close my eyes. Don't wanna close my eyes. Wait, what space movie? I don't know. Armageddon. Armageddon. Armageddon. I don't wanna fall asleep because I. Armageddon. Armageddon. I don't wanna fall asleep because I miss you. What if it was in like Empire Strikes Back?

There's some real iconic moments with music guys. I feel like actors are usually good storytellers. Like I was just thinking about boring conversations and you know that guy who does Inside the Actor's Studio? It's like mostly, it's kind of without fail, super interesting. And then every once in a while, there's some actor on there

who thinks they're so interesting. And yeah, and I love at the end of it, doesn't he always say, if you got to heaven. What would God say or something? Yeah, what do you want God to say? And then you got these actors being like, I'd want him to say, you did good kid or something? Yeah, what do you want God to say? And then you got these actors being like, I'd want them to say, you did good kid or something. And they always are so,

they've prepared in advance the line. What is your favorite swear word? Oh yeah, what's your favorite curse word? What is? Fuck, it's definitely the best one. Is tits a swear word? Cause I love that word. Fortune is blinded by tits a swear word? Because I love that word. Fortun is blinded by tits. Tits, I love those words.

Fortun, you say like you got cooter. I love cooter. That's not taking the Lord's name in vain, though. Yeah, neither is tits. I do love cooter. I love tits. Titties. I do love tits. I do love tits. I love the word butthole. I do love tits, I do love buttholes.

I love a little butthole, be whole. Yeah. I like Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. You are taking the Lord's name in vain, how dare you? Yeah, well, you know me. Should we hear what Kate, the answer to Kate's question is? Yeah, I'm curious.

And remember, look at us. We are twins today. I am all of a sudden as sexy, if not sexier, than Kate. I gave this some thought. And I have come to the decision that I'd have to go toe shoes. I just have to own it. I'd find a way to make it work. We are twins. I'd make my outfits, try to work around it the best I could.

But the alternative of having a horrible conversation every day of my life is too much to bear, so I gotta go toe shoes. Ah, I knew it. At first, when she said toe shoes, I thought she meant like ballet toe shoes, where you're like on your point to toes and you're like bonk, bonk, boing, boing, boing.

I'm pretty sure it's toe shoes, like your little piggy you wrapped around a shoe. She said flesh colored, she said initially. Imagine that. Even better. I guess maybe that might look at first like your barefoot. What if she hears this and she's like, you idiots, I was talking about ballet shoes.

Ballet shoes. But those are called, are those, I don't know if those are called toe shoes, are they? No, they're called ballet shoes, I think. Well, no, ballet shoes are those flat little point shoes. Point shoes. Oh, Thomas knows all about point shoes. I guess I'm the only one that has the capacity to listen to boring people.

No, I- No, May does too. Yeah, I- Oh, you does too. Yeah, I- Oh, you picked that too. I came back around because I thought I was only, it's only seven years with the conversations. And then I, and I thought I didn't realize I could tune out and I could use the hour for other things.

Like thinking about Napoleon. I can't handle it. I'm all toe shoes all the time. Me and Kate will frolic off in love, sexy twins wearing toe shoes. But Teg, you didn't even think about this option. You could use that seven years full of podcasts. You could podcast every boring conversation.

That's true. You know me, I'm trying to wind things down. You don't want a daily seven year podcast. Oh my God, it does appeal to me. Don't you think it would be slightly fascinating to interview- I think a limited series maybe. Okay, but to interview a boring person and ask them why, why did you tell me that story?

Do you think though that boring people know they're boring? No, I think they would say, because that's a good story. They'd be like, why do you want me on this podcast? It's the thing of like, you have to come on knowing that, okay, I suspect I'm boring, nobody talks to me, or everyone falls asleep. Yeah, so if it was like a self-help thing almost where you were teaching them to be less boring.

So you're going, okay. That could be interesting. Yeah, you're like in that story, you could have omitted 90% of it. This 10 minute chunk that went nowhere. You spun your wheels. Yeah. You could say, let me give you some pointers.

Here are my TIG tips. Oh yeah. Yeah, you could bring on your me give you some pointers. Here are my tig tips. Oh yeah, yeah, you could bring on your story that is your go-to and you feel like it's not killing it at parties. And then I could listen and be like, okay, that is dreadful. Here is where you need to edit. There's a movie called I Heart Huckabees

and there's a character in it who at some point in the movie, someone sits him down and they've secretly recorded him in hundreds of situations telling the same story about meeting Shania Twain. Oh my God, she's back? Let's go girls. Let's go girls.

We gotta get a question from her, go on. But it's just a good scene of him listening and at first he's like, yeah, eh, eh. We gotta get a question from her, go on. Yes, but it's just a good scene of him listening and at first he's like, yeah, I love this story and then he's listening to himself tell it over and over again and you can see his world crumbling inside. Yeah, well, when I tell, when my sons are like, Mary, tell us a boring story for bedtime and then I'll try and think of the most boring thing

for my day and then I'll try and think of the most boring thing for my day and then I absolutely make sure not a single detail is left out of anything. And that is where it's fascinating to have people not know, that doesn't need to go in that story. That little piece that you just added right there. Yeah. Well, you're gonna miss out on all the boring stories for seven years because you're gonna be in toe shoes.

I know. Kate's still gonna be hot though in toe shoes. Oh yeah. Here's a weird fact that I heard about Kate. Okay. That Kate didn't know that she was gay when she first started the L word. No way. I knew that, I did know that. Because gay when she first started The L Word. No way.

I knew that, I did know that. Cause of course I immediately, you watch the show, I immediately wanna know every cast member, their sexualities are personal. Did the show make her gay? I think so. I think the show made her gay. I think the show has made a lot of viewers gay.

Made a lot of people wanna sleep with a woman for sure. But isn't it weird to think that Shane from the L word at one point did not know she was gay. Yeah, can you imagine? She's like a lesbian icon now. But maybe she's bi, I don't know. I feel like if you've been having, no, she's totally gay. She's so gay.

She's pretty gay. Did you see her face? She looks like dick. She's gay as a day is long. Did you see her face? She looks like tick. She's gay as the day is long. Those ladies go nuts for them when they saw Kate and Leisha walk in at Chicago Pride. Really? Of course. Yeah, they are icons. Yeah. I went up on stage with them because their podcast is called The Pants Pod. I said we should have them take their pants off and call it the no pants pod, am I right?

And did everyone go nuts? Yeah, a lot of people were like, yeah. We should do it. That probably made a lot of people gay. Yeah, it did. We could do a crossover called handsome pants. Handsome pants. Oh my Lord, pants.

Honsome pants. We should get pants merch. Yes. That say handsome across the derriere. Yes. How come we don't have any underwear for sale? Classic May. Well, that is the end of our sexy episode

with Shane from the L Word. Now, if you wanna see more of this, we're doing an exclusive show, August 24th, that you can purchase a live stream ticket to, and that link will be good for an entire week. We're doing the show live in Toronto. Danforth Music Hall. Tickets are sold out for the live in-person show,

but streaming tickets, the whole world could buy. That's right. You can go to one of our social media pages, Instagram, Facebook, all those good places, and that'll give you the link. Or you can go to our hansenpod.com for merch, if you're looking for a coffee or cool tees. Also let us know what, if you have merch ideas,

like have fun stuff. I'm into it when people suggest like a, yeah. Like ponties. Like ponties. Why are we not selling ponties? Why aren't we selling underwear? Why aren't we selling this underwear? Wait a second.

Guys, how come we're not selling brassieres? Well, for now we have stickers and we have a cool keep it handsome mug. You can put stickers on your private parts. Yes. I was gonna also remind people to please check out my standup special called Hello Again on Prime Video and the movie that my wife Stephanie and I directed called MIOK

on Max. And you will see a scene with me in a wig. That's so good. Yeah, I've got nothing to promote except, yeah, our live show that you can live stream on the 24th of August. And yeah, check out Feel Good on Netflix. I'm done with my tour. So if you want to watch some of my stand up, you can see Sweet and Salty where I talk about that Hooters situation or Good Fortune both on Netflix.

And go to tignotaro.com, see where I'm going to be working out new material in LA and Toronto. I believe Comedy Bar, Largo, Dynasty Typewriter, those are my, that's my stomping grounds. So until next time, I mean, keep it handsome. In your toe shoes. Yeah. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast!

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