Handsome - Leisha Hailey asks about creative failure

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

Leisha Hailey (The L Word, Pants Podcast) asks Handsome about their biggest creative failures, with hilarious results! Plus "She Pee", pet wigs, Dolly Parton, and more!We have a LOVE-themed live streaming show, February 12! Tickets here: https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-podcast-1Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello there, welcome to yet another episode of Handsome, the worldwide podcast phenomenon everybody's talking about. It's me, Tig Notaro, and my co-hosts. Fortune Feimster. And Mae Martin. Oh, we've done it again. We've done it again. Yeah, we've met up to do some silliness. Everybody's talking about it.

Everybody is talking. You know what it reminds me of is, you know, when you're driving along and you see a restaurant and it says world famous hamburgers. Yeah. Yes. And it's like, really, are people in Rome talking about this dump on the corner of Hollywood and Vine? I don't even know if there's a hamburger place on the corner of Hollywood and Vine.

There's some guy listening whose restaurant is at Hollywood and Vine. He's like, hey. Well, be glad that I plugged your restaurant at Hollywood and Vine. Thomas, can you let us know what is actually at the corner of Hollywood and Vine? I saw a billboard last night, actually. That's awesome, Fortune. Thank you. Whoever made it, it's a little more humble than that but

but still like bragging they said probably the best hamburgers and hot dogs in town okay i can accept that yeah i i feel like that's completely acceptable but when i see these restaurants that claim to be world famous yeah this also leads me into another thing I like to do. When I go to a restaurant and I'm ordering some food, I'll say, could I get the world famous French fries, please? And I love to put world famous in front of anything. And then the waiter at the restaurant, who knows that is not called the world famous

i went on a date once and my date said to the waiter uh what's good here like what's the what's what do you recommend and he was like um the french fries are really good i just thought that was really telling that's the only thing? What kind of food was it? It was like sort of American. I don't know. It was a nice restaurant, though. I don't know. When the French fries are the go-to, then I don't know about ordering anything else.

At the corner of my street growing up, there was a place that said the greatest schnitzel in town. Ooh. Yeah. And we never tried it. Only schnitzel in town, right? How much schnitzel's in town? I have to say the word schnitzel, if it's bad, like if you've had really gross schnitzel, that sounds really gross.

That's true. You know? Ooh, I got sick on bad schnitzel. And now I've got the schnitzels. Who schnitzeled all over the floor? World famous, terrible schnitzels who schnitzeled all over the floor world famous terrible schnitzel so what is that hollywood and vine did we find out thomas there's a sushi restaurant called katsuya and it has actually been designated the la times reader's choice best sushi restaurant okay they owe us cash what else is on that corner the pantages is right there the pantages theater the pontages the pontes good one the ponti stages

everyone got their pontis on today oh yeah i never go a day without them no no panties for us you never you never go pantyless no i don't know yeah i don't either i just figured between the three of it's usually two against one on something and um so we're all like got our big girl panties on yeah that's true. None of us go commando. Commando. No. That's more of a, if you got a pee in balls, you got to go commando sometimes to let them breathe, right? Doesn't every part of the body need to breathe sometimes? That's a good point. Why do those things just need to breathe?

Because they're flopping around. How would you know, Fortune? I've heard they flop around you've heard them flopping around because guys are always adjusting them they can't stop touching their p and b's if you could have a p and b for um one day per month would you do it? Maybe on a road trip when I didn't want to stop. Oh, you could just go into a bottle. Yeah.

Right. Otherwise it seems like a lot to have dangling things dangling around. Dangling genitalia. Let's not make Thomas feel bad about his body. No, I would choose i would choose it do some righteous righteous boning for one day a month you would have a righteous boner one day a month yeah well yeah that would be a problem i would have a righteous boner the minute

i woke up i'd have one day i couldn't leave the house i just have a righteous boner may is so righteous but i i hear you fortune it does sound appealing to be able to urinate on the go yeah and if even if you stop somewhere you're not having to put down the thing on the toilet seat and well do you put down the thing on the toilet seat or do you hover no i put the thing on the toilet seat and well do you put down the thing on the toilet seat or do you hover no i put the thing on the toilet seat i don't have the um leg strength to hover even after even after all of the treading you've done i said fitness goals for 2024 to be able to hover over a toilet and not actually sit down have you heard of those um they're called she pees uh-uh so let's say you're at like glastonbury music festival or whatever people okay it's like a

plastic um thing with a tube and you put it you can so you slide into your pants and then you can pee and it comes out the the tube and i have seen that but where would you see that yeah in the in life not like i mean like in a probably in a gay event where it's being sold or something and not like just people wait why a gay event yeah what i've seen them at like you know like a dina shore weekend or something really wait why i don't know people have to sell their goods but why is this in the um queer community that people are urinating through a tube because i don't know some people want to pee like that i see well fortune i'm just trying to get to the bottom of what you saw at dinah show at all your visits to dinah shore i mean i just saw like once

maybe like as one of the goods among many other goods like hey if you're also in the wilderness you lesbos like to camp well i had a i had a friend who was came up to the edinburgh fringe festival and was like i brought my sheepy and i was like this the edinburgh fringe festival is like a theater festival in a city where you're passing by starbucks there's like tons of bath it's not like you're camping in the well so it you urinate into it and then how long is the and then it runs down your pants there's no way long is the... And then it runs down your pants. There's no way I would do this right. Wait, it runs down your pants?

No, for me, I would piss all over myself. Okay, but for the sheepy, how long is the tube that it comes out? I think pretty long. I don't know really what situation it's for. I guess, yeah, if you're on the road or if you're like... You know, you see footage of like, I would never go. I'm too anxious.

But like at Glastonbury where it's like 10,000 people just standing shoulder to shoulder watching. If you're stuck in the middle of there and you got to pee, you're screwed, right? And all the dudes are just peeing right there into a bottle. They pee right there? I think so. So if you have your sheep pee, I know. It sounds like first of all we have a new

sponsor but also um people must use that for new year's eve in time square well yeah i think they were diapers but i mean i would if now that i know that exists for well i would never be standing in a crowd and me neither this is a nightmare oh my god a living hell same actually all three of us are on board with that all three yeah there's nothing i like enough to stand there for it for hours and hours and hours and hours especially in the cold new york in the winter no no i don't want to see that ball drop outside you have those people get there like 5 a.m i know you should be at home i don't think i would the sheepy in theory sounds nice i'm pretty confident i would pee all over myself and now I have pee all over myself and a silicone thing with

dry pee on it in my rehab days there was a big thing that the guys if if they thought we had a drug test coming up they would have all these devices they'd try and parent pioneer like a pee test they'd be like okay I'm gonna get my friend's pee and put it in a bag and a tube coming down my leg and it never worked you know wow they applied that to other things if they applied themselves that level of ingenuity and commitment i went to a party last night and fortune i have to say i pretended that i was at a wedding. What? And they did play that song Cupid Shuffle that you guys never knew. But that is a big hit at weddings.

And I danced in the middle of all these folks. I know the Harlem Shuffle by the Rolling Stones. I'm confused. So I was supposed to be at this party, I think. But I'm sick. Yeah. You went up to whoever's hosting this dj was so good and you know no one dances because it's like an industry type party yeah no one dances at these

things and the fortune does the dj was so good that i was like i'm gonna dance so i in my head pretended oh okay this is like a wedding okay i just started i danced for like an hour and a half are you serious that's awesome if you build it they will come wanda sykes started dancing with me and yeah wiley and punky johnson we were dancing dancing and everybody was jealous of how good we were dancing i need proof of the jealousy. I know. I'm like, were they saying that? Wanda and I had such a good time that we danced. When it was time to go, Wanda said, we can't be the last ones here. We got to go.

Oh, my God. And then we danced out of the party and down the walkway. What were your wives doing as you two frolic together down the sideway her best friend was there jacks i think at one point did get her camera out and take some video as a good wife should yeah that's a good wife should were you singing were you were you oh yeah they're playing jams uh-. A lot of throwback songs. Like my girls, Salt-N-Pepa. Oh, here I go, here I go, here I go again.

Girls, what's my weakness? And I make sure I shout that. People know they are my weakness. Now, would you say in general that you love to go out and party? No, I'm not a party gal. What gets you out? Like what party will make you go out and party no i'm not a party gal what gets you out like what party will make you go out because i am not a party gal either but every now and then you'll see my face pop up yeah and yeah you and i ran into that one holiday party yes we did well you came to my my birthday and you were you were a real hit. There was a real

ripple of excitement when you arrived. I would hope so. I was honored that you were there. Tig. Tig. Sorry. Sorry, Fortune. Fortune. I was thinking I went to May's party and no one seemed that excited. Well, it sounds like maybe you party more than i do i make very selective appearances yeah you're a partier though may i go in through phases in the summertime i'm i like to be out a lot my my favorite thing is like a corny house party with like that's a little sloppy and people are dancing and uninhibited and and yeah like yeah i don't like i don't love being out in a bar yeah or or like too crowd like a house party's good where there's little pockets

of people talking in different rooms and you can like you know what i mean yes i don't go to a lot of house parties i know they went to yours may and my friend had a how i mean um holiday one they die out as you get older. I go to some of these Hollywood parties just because it's part of the deal. They have an open bar at least. I can get an old-fashioned. There's usually a slider.

You certainly can't make that at your own house. No. Yeah, couldn't possibly. I have a slider situation, a piece of pizza roaming around. Yeah, that'll get fortune out to the party out of the house tig what's the song that would get you up on the dance floor like you're at a you're at a party you're kind of like i think i'm gonna head home soon and then this song comes on and you're like oh shit everybody was kung fu fighting that gets me going oh yeah why do you stop

that girl was fast as lightning yeah do you like that song may yeah i love that song and my friend borrowed his dad's car and totaled it when he was 16 and he had the radio blasting got in a car crash and he said that in the moment of silence after the car crash because the radio had been playing that song was just still playing so he was like in shock the car was crashed and he's there like i think the airbag had deployed and he just hears everybody was kung fu fight god I hate to reference my special again, but that's like in one of my bits, I have this imaginary car crash with me and Martha Kelly and Steve Agee. And we crashed to Dolly Parton's Two Doors Down. And that song is blaring from the uh the demolished car so it's that same idea of just like kind of a silly fun song just yeah cranking from a totaled car very cinematic yeah it's so

funny i mean as long as everybody's okay yeah yeah he was fine he just he was also like just gonna be in so much trouble from his dad yeah the fact that he'd been blasting that song just made it so much worse that's such a good song to crash to yeah especially if it's on loop which that was the other bit to my joke was that uh the song was on replay and uh it just goes on and on not only do you crash this gets dark the idea is that you die and uh we can cut that part out no i like this which part is what you die die and the song is still playing on loop as you float up? Well, not just that. You die and then your body decomposes and the song is still playing.

And then, you know, a deer or a bear walks up and eats your remains. This isn't in the special, but it was. I love that. And then the bear eats and then, of course, poops. And the song is still going. And then a little plant grows, you know, in the springtime. We've been talking about it on the podcast. I've been treading water lately. Just a few minutes out of my day that I take for myself to do something that's good for me.

I wake up feeling better. I have more energy. And, you know, small actions like that can have big benefits, like how taking care of your gut can support whole body health. your gut can support whole body health. Well, Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two little capsules a day. Now, I've been using Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic, and it's great. My skin feels better. I feel better. It's just good. So trust your gut with Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash handsome and use code 25handsome to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash handsome,

code 25handsome. I love the show hacks and it is back is back baby for season three. That's right. We are going to see what kind of antics Debra Vance is up to this season. She is such a treat to watch because who doesn't love Jean Smart? She is so freaking talented. Now, season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up. And I highly recommend that you do so before season three starts.

There is also an official Hacks podcast. In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Agnello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. So check out that podcast, but watch Hacks streaming exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. I met Dolly twice. What? I met her once.

I used to be a journalist back in the day for seven years. That was my day job as I was pursuing comedy. No. Yeah, I would cover events and talk to people on the phone. And I went to some music event and she was there. And this would have been about 2004. And I looked at her boobies. I'm not going to lie. Fortune And I looked at her boobies. I'm not going to lie.

Fortune. I looked at her boobies. Oh, my gosh. What were they really on display? I mean, they're kind of always on display. At least, especially at that time. Do you think if somebody has ever been talking to her, she's been like, hey, my boobs are down here. Like if they were looking at her in the eye.

Like, excuse me, my boobs are down here. My boobs are down here. She was so delightful. Was she? I met her again a couple years ago at one of those Hollywood Emmy parties or Oscar parties, I can't remember. And it was one of those parties where they're like nobody take a picture and i met her and in my head i'm like all i i want

want a picture so bad just to be able to look at us together and put it on the wall yeah and look at those boobies and she was delightful and wonderful and at the end of the night about 30 people posted their pictures with dolly i'm like what oh damn damn you rule follower i was a dumb rule follower i'm always i'm such a rule follower it's so stupid i'm glad to hear she was nice to you because i've heard she is actually nasty. What? Not true. Look at the horror in both of your little faces. We're just trying to stir up drama. Can you think of any worse news than hearing that Dolly Parton is a nasty woman?

That would break my heart. That really broke my heart for a second. That was so rough. She was like, I'm just teasing. Oh, my God. Because, yeah, I thought she was the loveliest. Oh man. She was also a,

like a, an invisible producer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the TV show. For real? Yeah. Yeah. And like, but like actively,

you know, exec produced it, but she didn't have her name on it cause she wanted people to, I don't know, take it more seriously or something. I would take it so seriously. If Dolly's name is on it, I'm like, okay. Because I can't imagine she just tosses that thing around.

Dolly Parton. Yeah, you're right. Okay, speaking of names, you ready to get into this name? Let's get into it. That's a hit song, Fortune. to it. That's a hit song, Fortune. Today's questioner is an actor and musician best known for playing Alice. Well, it does say lice, playing lice, but I think that is a typo. I do. I think it's a typo because I can't imagine her name on this show is Lice. She's playing Lice. She plays Lice in the L Word.

Once per episode, it zooms into someone's head and there's a tiny little cartoon of the Lice. She plays Alice in the L Word and the L Word Generation Q. And she was one half of the pop duo, the murmurs and has a delightful podcast called pants with Kate and Leisha, Leisha Haley. Hi. Okay.

This is Leisha Haley. And my question for the three of you is, have any of you ever had a creative idea that you fully believed in? Like your heart and soul went behind this idea and you thought, this is amazing. Everyone needs to see this. And people watched you do it. Like you just went towards it full stop and people were just surrounding you like, yeah,

you're doing that thing. And then in hindsight, after it doesn't work out, you look at that project and you go, huh, who was that? Like who, what part of me thought that was a good idea? And you're embarrassed that you ever did it. Has that ever happened to you? That's funny. That is really funny. Is she thinking about the time she agreed to play some lice?

Yes, the perfect question from lice. Leisha's so sweet. Stephanie worked a lot with Leisha on the new iteration of the L word. Yeah, the L word Generation Q. I was in a couple of the episodes in the first season of that. Oh yeah. I think they thought I would probably be a bigger part of that world.

Alice's TV show. I was playing her cousin and we had like a writers. I was in Italy and they like called me like to discuss ideas and character stuff. And I was like, Oh, okay. What? You know character stuff. And I was like, oh, okay. You know, sure. And I taped a couple.

And I think they realized they have too many characters in this show. And I basically was like, cut. You're right. And there was three episodes of that. And then Alice's cousin just never was seen of again. I had like a whole monologue and I had this whole spiel I had taped. Wow. I'm like, we don't need this.

It's so funny. That happens all the time in TV and film. It's so crazy yeah when you tell people like oh i'm gonna be on this thing or you know um i don't know if i've shared this story but uh years ago i mean like 25 years ago my friend lived in a building with somebody who was pursuing acting and they had like a watch party for something they were in yeah and we all went over there well they were in the thing that they said they were in we just were surprised to find out that they were just an extra pushing a gurney down the hallway of a hospital you know i don't watch this and it was basically you kind of caught the corner of her

face and you just saw the back of her head pushing a gurney down the hospital hallway uh while you ate cheese and crackers and stuff and anyway it was just um maybe i sound like a jerk sharing that story no i mean i get they're very excited but yeah it is for a part like when you're an extra you know you're barely gonna be seen or yeah i i guess it's just a situation of like it would have been good to mention to people that you were an extra in a reenactment video from like you know emergency 9-1-1 type reality show right because she continued to stop it rewind it relisten oh yeah god yeah and she's there i am that. That's me. Oh, my God. I mean, look, congrats on getting a job. For real, yes.

I don't know. It's a little awkward. For a big party. Save the big party for a couple more of those. Yeah. And then have a compilation. Yeah. If you like that.

Yeah. Here's another one. Is everybody just making eye contact secretly? Like, what are we here for? Well, this was my friend's neighbor. So I really didn't know anybody at the thing. So I was, I think maybe I was. You're like, I just want some crackers.

I think I was the one. I have the hiccups, you guys. I think I was the one. I think I was the one person looking around like wait is this are we really watching the back of her head push a gurney down the hall that's so funny everyone else is like you did it i went to when one of my specials came out years ago my friends were like are you gonna have a whoop the hiccup are you gonna have a party and i was like no and they were like well we're gonna have a partycup are you gonna have a party and i was like no and they were like

well we're gonna have a party for you so they had a screening party i go to it i turn to talk to my friend while the specials airing and she goes shh and i was like i'm here in person that's me pre-recorded it should be more of a treat that I'm talking to you right now. I'm over here. Here I am. She's like, I'm trying to watch this show. Cork it. Cork it, Tig.

That's really funny. Well, okay. I'm also, I'm really excited to hear Alicia's answer to this question, but I want to hear yours. Because I feel like with stand-up, there's a million times where you think you you think this is really good and then you try it oh yeah it's such an immediate barometer of like if you try something that's like sort of different to your usual style and you're like i'm really expanding i'm really putting myself out there gonna try this weird like character voice or like yeah i'm gonna try this and then it oh my god there's a billion of

those but is there anything like more significant than that that you guys regret mine isn't about stand up okay and i actually shared this with lesha in person once oh my god so it's funny that she's asking this question i oh my god Sorry for the hiccups. If you take a cold spoon and you put it on the back of your neck and then drink at the same time. One of these things, huh? I know, but this one's legit.

If you stand on your head. If you hang upside down. Somebody sucks on your toes. And tickle your belly button. And you do a sheepy. Yeah, I was just going to bring it back to sheepy. Sheepy. Get yours. Use code handsome. Yeah, I was just going to bring it back to sheepy. Sheepy. Get yours.

Use code handsome. No, we don't have an ad. Stand on your head, sheepy into your own mouth. And then, okay, so during the pandemic, I got a plant-based nutrition certification. I'm very interested in health and nutrition. And I thought, I love this so much, I'm going to start helping people. And I'm going to start working and consulting people to the best of my ability. And I'm going to do this in the pandemic and on zoom. And I started helping family and friends and neighbors and comedians i was like yeah i'm into

this and then i was thinking okay i'm gonna really start i'm gonna start consulting the general public and uh and uh wait do you know how famous you are like but if i showed up and you were my nutritionist i'd be like well it's not technically a nutritionist. It's just a plant based nutrition certification. But it's really a passion of mine. I've just seen such results in my life and my health and the way I feel. And I just if people are interested, I thought I want to help them if they need help. And I was still kind of holding on to this idea. they need help and i was still kind of holding on to this idea and then i was doing a movie with reese witherspoon and we were sitting there between scenes chatting and i was telling her that i'd been doing that and uh and that i wanted to keep doing it and build on it and she said

wow that is gonna probably make you like hundreds of dollars and it was a moment where I was like oh and obviously I didn't think I was gonna be able to like support myself fully with this but I was trying to figure out a way to get it into my life where i could be in conversation about health and nutrition and you know all of that kind of stuff and in that moment it was it made me laugh so hard when she said wow you're probably gonna make hundreds of dollars and i was i was laughing so hard for hours and hours yeah for years i like work on it for years and then pocket hundreds of dollars and you know here i am telling this to someone who just sold her company for nearly a billion dollars and i'm like i'm gonna get on zoom with my next door neighbor and uh help him with his high blood pressure which side note i did

i i love it i mean you're you're out there doing the lord's plant work that's right that would be super fulfilling i think it is crazy that the earth makes everything we need. Like, yes, everything comes from plants. And like, that is crazy. Yes, that's the whole thing is everything is right there growing from the ground. But I think in that moment when Reese gave me that dig, it made me laugh so hard. gave me that dig it made me laugh so hard and it also woke me up to yeah this probably is a little bit of a silly idea but i don't think it's a silly idea i think it's something that you've learned about and you have a lot more knowledge about and you can do what you did

with your neighbor if there's people in your life you have time or feel like sort of giving them yes that information you can but also if you don't have time you don't and i still do yeah it might be yeah i still i still do it here and there but in my mind i was like this is just in fact you can go to my website and you can see there's a little tab that says firmly planted which was my little consulting company uh where i was like click on that and um but in my mind it was going to be this side thing i did to help people and uh now it's just a tab on my website what if you get a bunch of requests for yeah the phone is ringing off the hook i need to get a firmly planted line people might want to zoom with you and be like yeah yeah tell me about that plant

based stuff and they just don't even care follow-up question yeah that have nothing to do with plant based food anyway that's mine your heart was in a good place that's a good answer of just like everyone you're talking to trying to get on board with your enthusiasm but also being like i don't think this is your gift to give the world like you have another talent that is really going well for you so that's funny you're like i want to help people but i also need to pay my bills yeah my bills are bigger than my need to help so that's mine guys what about you that was a good one i mean i could only really comedy was the thing coming to mind for me because stand up you take those hits and you kind of go huh you can pivot pretty quick

yeah and you can feel when it's not working and either commit to it for the next couple minutes or you bail or you start talking to the audience there's ways to get around it so you're not like totally humiliated tell us about it tell us how to get around it and avoid humiliation because i'd love to know you have to have that humiliation for a minute but you can make it shorter yes but at the growlings uh i studied there for i don't't know, six or seven years. And when I was in the Sunday company, you have to put up these sketches every Sunday that you've not worked out yet. You've just like gotten it approved Friday night. You've

costumed it on Saturday. You've learned the lines on Sunday. It's all very quick and last minute. So I had this idea for two flight attendants kind of going off of the Southwest thing where they would sing a lot, you know, if you've been on a Southwest flight. Sometimes you'll get a person just full on singing the instructions for the safety announcement. So I was like, what if we played two flight attendants who used pop culture songs to say everything yeah that seems like a pretty solid sketch premise in your head you're like it's not bad we have on these short bob black wigs and these um that's blue sweaters short bob black wig on you is good come on right yes and i made my friend do it with me

i wrote the whole thing and you know it was kind of one of those things like uh hello everybody and welcome to such and such airlines we're gonna be up up and away in this beautiful balloon and we will sing together don't forget your oxygen mask because how are you supposed to breathe with no air how are you supposed to breathe with no air it's like all these songs when i tell you for five minutes you could hear a pin drop there was not one laugh not one chuckle and my friend and I had to commit to this for five minutes. Wait, you didn't start laughing?

I was trying to really sell it still. And we're singing these songs. And we're doing like bopping around, like dancing. We have to be like the happiest people. Like, this is so fun cheryl we like i we did not get a laugh for five minutes feeling like when it's you and another person and it's like you you know early on you're like this we're not gonna get a lot and the yes the panic in your eyes as you make eye contact and the both of us committed 1000 to it we got off stage and i looked at her and she looked

at me like we were shell-shocked and then both bursted out laughing we're on the floor like hyperventilating laughing oh my god and i, I'm so sorry I drug you into this. She goes, it's fine. Who was the friend? Danielle Weeks is her name. She's such a funny comedian. She's in like every commercial and on demand. Okay.

I go, I did this to us. I put you in this position. She goes, it's fine. Oh my God, they hated us. I go, they hated us. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. oh my god they hated us i go they hated us oh my god oh my god oh my god meanwhile if you did that now you'd have the entire venue dying well yeah me and tig were really cracking up yes maybe it's

in the retelling is really funny but then actually when two people have like got the costumes on and like there's something a little but i like i would laugh even harder it was my first couple of weeks in the sunday company oh i was pretty green you know they always said like that first bomb you'll never forget and yeah that everybody has it like don't get hard on yourself if it happens but thank god it was with her and we just it was so bad and so uncomfortable that we were wailing, laughing. Oh, my God. I would give anything to see that. Crawling on the ground, hyperventilating, laughing. I know.

I wish I could remember some more of the songs. But it was just cheesy. I'm glad you can't mine that I was gonna say is pretty similar and not as funny but it was me and Sabrina Jalise when we were 17 maybe

this friend of mine and we were both like the teen comics in town and we were both doing stand up and character stuff and then we were like wouldn't it be explosive if we combined our forces and did it and did sketch? And it was a super like high pressure show with tons of industry there. And we just I don't know, we got like, cocky. We were like, God, the two of us together and, and we were such good friends. And then we did this scene that not only wasn't funny, but in retrospect was kind of offensive. Like it was, it was like,

yeah, not good. It was, it was like a homeless person who, and then I'm walking by. I'm like, and Sabrina's homeless. And,

and then I'm like, Carol. And she's like, Diane. And then I'm like, we work together. And she's like, Oh,

I just do this on the side. And it was like, what? Like, what are we saying here? What's the message i just do this on the side it was like what like what are we saying here what's the message like this is not funny and it was just similar where within like 10 seconds like you could have heard a pin drop and just knowing we got seven more minutes of this garbage and afterwards it was we couldn't get to the laughing part that you had we're both kind of like couldn't make

eye contact with each other just we're like well I guess the friendship's over kind of you're blaming each other for the you came up with this yes and then the other thing I thought of was when I was I think it was the first time I'd ever come to LA and I was pitching feel good and so I had like a taster for it that I'd made like a 20 minute pilot that would never air and I'm having these meetings and I'm not used to I just didn't know about that pitching was like a formal process I thought it was just like a meeting so I went into maybe it was HBO or it was one that really mattered they liked the pilot and they're chatting and then they were like, oh, you know, so what else have you got cooking? What else are you into?

And I was like, I really want to. There's this animated idea I really like where it's Avocado Bear and his sidekick Guacamole. And the production company I was with, they were like, what? It just was so lame to be like throwing out a weird kids animation idea in the middle of the pitch being like well what about this avocado bear and guacamole now is avocado bear because of the shape of an avocado like that a bear kind of has that shape yes so he's green he's kind of pearaved. He's got a pale green tummy.

Okay, I'll buy it. Right? I like it. Yeah, I'll take it. His sidekick is a mole called Guacamole. Yeah. No, I get it. We're green light.

Green light. Thank you. And Tig could insert plant-based knowledge. Yes. Yes. Oh, that's true. And at the end of every episode, be like,

if you'd like to hire me for consulting, please click, please go to this QR code. Please click on the avocado bear. Let's combine our three things. I'm serious. Yeah. So it's avocado bear and guacamole.

It's full of tips about plant-based living and then Fortune singing pop songs throughout. Singing Dolly Parton. Yeah. Working nine to five. I remember, if you're familiar with my Taylor Dane story and joke bit. Yes, hello. Classic Tig. When I was first doing that it was a over 20 minutes

oh my god it already after i edited it down it's now at like 13 minutes when it started it was 20 maybe more and i remember being at the Moore Theater in Seattle. That's where I'm filming my special. You're filming it at the Moore Theater? Yeah. Oh, awesome. Oh, cool. But yeah, it was a bad, bad go.

And I was like, I was alone. And I was like, oh, just 17 more minutes. Because that story, there's so many layers that I have to put in there to have the payoff. And I just hadn't gotten my beats down yet. Right. And rhythm. I would say that's now one of your most famous stand-up stories. Possibly.

If not, I have cancer. Yes. But yeah, anyway. That's what i said one of yeah but that was like so uncomfortable to be thinking oh my god how am i gonna do this and i still did it and it was i just drug the whole theater into the ground oh but you sort of live in that uncomfortability of like prolonging something sure this was a little too prolonged this is even i was like get me the hell out of here because like the masterful thing is is that tension you create and then this like euphoric relief from it but yeah without the euphoric release at the end and there was no masterful tension it was just tense it was 20

minutes of tension and then i excused myself excused yourself excuse me where's she going She's going with this Taylor Day. Tell it to my heart. That's right. Tell me you're the only one. How good is her voice? Really good. Really good. I mean, so good. How does she feel about being one of your most iconic stand-up bits? Do you know?

I think she likes it. You know, when I, she was very. She's a fan. Well, you know, she had heard through the grapevine that I was telling this story about her. And I thought, I wonder if it will ever get to her. I wasn't attacking her at all. I was just truly laying out what happened. Yeah.

You know, and she happened to be a little snotty in the story from time to time. But I didn't care. I wasn't like, oh, i'm not a fan anymore or screw this person it was just more like this is what happened and this was very uncomfortable and she did not respond here and she responded this way in this moment and and then when i finally met her she said yeah you know she said i probably had a few cocktails in me that sounds like me and that like made me respect her even more because you know a lot of people try and back out or be like i would never have done that or you know if if they're called out on something but she was

like yeah that sounds like me and uh and so i was like oh i like that you know yeah and that she wasn't like rude to me about it she she got a kick she had a sense of humor about it so i i've always been like i love that yeah love it that's awesome yeah i gotta google that bit and listen to it again it's been a minute well there is one version of it where that she's in it with me. Oh, really? This American Life when I did it. Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. And see if you can do the Where's Waldo of my boobs.

I still have boobs there. Just moments away from finding out I have cancer in that bit. The Where's Waldo of my boobs. I'm looking right at the boobs when I talk to Dolly and when I talk to you. My boobs were down here um but yeah it's if you look up this american life and taylor dan you'll see you'll see yeah should we hear what uh what lisha had to say yes i'm really i'm really pumped about this me too this is a really good question i really want to ask everyone we know this question because because I bet everybody's got some weird, like,

creative skeleton in their closet where they're like, I think this whodunit on Mars is going to be my big ticket to the top. Right. I have to preface this by saying I was not working when I thought of this idea. I thought there was a very large hole in the pet industry in the costume department with Halloween costumes for pets. And I realized when you would see everyone posting pictures with their animals and costumes, nobody had wigs. Like it wasn't finished, the costume.

So I thought, I'm going to make a wig line for pets. So I went as far as I had an LLC. I opened a bank account. I got prototypes made. I had a booth at a convention with multiple styles. I had, you know, famous icons in history. There was like a Marilyn Monroe. There were sports figures. I had a wig for every animal-shaped head, like size of animal. I had beehives. It went really far. I even got an appointment with Walmart, and they wanted to put in a big order.

Oh, my God. And I really thought this was going to go somewhere. And I worked for months, I mean, maybe a year. And then I realized when I got the order that I had no way of knowing how to fulfill the orders or make the wigs on a mass scale. I had like 30 of them and that was it. Anyway, I closed the whole thing down. I still wonder if I had something because I do see them pop up now.

Wigs here and there. Yeah, it was called pet wigs. Oh my God. I want to know if this was after or during. Oh no, she said she wasn't working. So I wonder if it was after the L word. Right. And if people at the convention were walking up to her booth with Alice selling. Are you Lice? Yeah.

Lice? Is that you? There's something so funny about the fact that it was just called Pet Wigs, too. Like, there was nothing creative. No. Yeah. And that's so far. Why do pets need wigs? halloween were you not listening

just for halloween that's it well yes she was clearly out of her mind she thought this was a good idea and if you move down the booths at the convention you hit me right next to alicia where i'm like consulting people on uh potatoes yeah i liked her business mind she's like i gotta get an llc i gotta get a bank like she was ready to make some money yeah like this is like you go on shark tank like she's like she's got a meeting with walmart like she could have gone on shark tank with that that's the kind of Shark Tank idea that you need because you need their investment to do the production, to get it all, to fulfill the orders.

Yes. So you have to be willing to give up 70% of your company. Oh, my God. But imagine a beehive on a guinea pig. Like, that is pretty cold. A beehive on a guinea pig. It's worth it. So let me get this straight.

You don't want this big order? You know, it's pretty hard to get us to want to buy something. You're telling me you don't want this. We've got millions of people reaching out about this guinea pig beehive you cannot tease us with this and step away that was that's really good that's a very funny oh my lord funny bit yes wigs and all under the catchy name of pet wigs i'm not thinking about all the wigs biggie could be wearing on halloween oh my god yeah do you dress biggie up um he hates it but we put him in um he doesn't hate the shirts he did he does not care for the hats and the wigs would have been a problem.

We dress him up as an ice cream sundae once and the hat is the cherry on top. The cherry berry on top. He was sitting there just looking at us like, I hate you. You should put him in a black bob and make him be your sketch comedy partner i don't know that sketch with you he doesn't mind shirts we've put him in like people have given him

like rainbow sweaters he looks really cute in that he has a shirt that says security and that's pretty cute when i'm holding him and yeah it looks like he's my security you really think people think he's your security fortune yes more like your security blanket like he's my security. You really think people think he's your security fortune? Yes. More like your security blanket. Like he's your attachment object. Yes. He's pretty cute in any outfit, truth be told.

He's a gorgeous model boy. Same with our three cats. I mean, Stephanie and I, I don't know if you and Jax do this, but we just take pictures of our cats doing the typical cute poses that they're always doing. And we text these pictures to each other in the house. Do you do that with Biggie? Oh, yeah. We take a thousand pictures and send them to each other.

And did I tell you about the it's worth it? No, what's it's worth it? Because Stephanie and I are so used to telling each other, come in here. Oh the it's worth it no what's it what's it's worth it because stephanie and i are so used to telling each other come in here oh my gosh fluff fluff fluff looks so cute hurry or like hurry skip or linus they look so cute hurry and then we'll be like hold on i have to finish sending this email and then now we started being like come on it's worth it it's worth it now we start yelling it's worth it and then now we are making each other run and we both fall for it every time it's so funny yeah we'll be on the couch and she's like into a show and i'm staring at him i go look at him i go look at him

look at him right now right look at him right now. It's so stupid. And he's just laying in a bed. What if you were in bed reading a book and you just thought that you looked really cute and you were like, come in here and look at me. Hurry, it's worth it. Look at me right now. It's worth it. It's worth it.

I'm not above that. Yeah, me neither. Sometimes I catch a glimpse and I'm like, how could i possibly get any work done today looking like this you know so handsome how can you not come running there well that was a fun episode thank you alicia haley for that ridiculous great hilarious question i also want to remind everybody that they can still get the link for our streaming show. That's still for sale for a week.

Yeah, our Valentine's Dynasty Typewriter live show. You can still get that and watch it for a week wherever you are. You can watch it until February 19th. That's the specific day. And it's going to be the best thing you've ever watched. And all your friends are going to watch it, want to watch it with you. They're going to come over and they're going to be the best thing you've ever watched and you're all your friends are going to watch it want to watch it with you they want to come over and they're going to be like this is so much better than if y'all were just like an extra on something we get to see the three of you a lot wow yeah that's well said well said fortune it's worth cheese and crackers yeah whatever

you're into go to handsomepod.com for merch. Yeah. I don't know. What else do you guys have going on? Well, before we get to that, we should wish everybody a happy Valentine's Day. Oh, shit. Right. Because, you know.

It's Valentine's. It's V-Day. Yeah. Yeah. You know, hug your pets. Get them a wig. Get a sheepy. Just Yeah. You know, hug your pets. Get them a wig. Get a sheepy. Just celebrate.

Just celebrate, okay? And if you hate Valentine's Day, like I used to really hate Valentine's Day because I was like always single all the time. Screw Valentine's Day. Who cares? Take yourself on a Valentine's date. Yeah, sheepy alone in your house. Who cares?

Yeah, treat yourself with a little sheepy alone in your house who cares yeah treat yourself with a little she peed alone in your house if there are other closeted lesbians out there like i was and your brother has just giving you has just given you yellow roses oh my god the only roses you're gonna get oh my god that's so sweet though that's really sweet know sweet. Just know that there's hope. You know, one day, you know. Oh, my God. Fortune. Have origins from somebody else besides your brother. Or if you're dating a closeted queer person,

which I was dating someone closeted for years, and she would go to, like, a singles Valentine's Day gathering with all the other single people. Yes, meanwhile we live together. Oh, wow. So just give yourself a little cuddle if you're in that sitch. Do you guys have any shows coming up that you want to promote? I hope some of you guys will join me on the last leg of my stand up tour coming up. I have Poughkeepsie, New York on February 18. We have a 430 show. Woo. Early March, Houston, Texas and Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Mid-March, Wilmington, North Carolina and Durham, North Carolina. Then Los Angeles, California at the theater at the

Yates Hotel. We've also added four new shows. San Luis Obispo, California, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut and Bakersfield, California. Then I have The Beacon in New York City, Rancho Mirage, California,attle washington and then toronto in mid-may so go to fortunefeimster.com for tickets i'm at the elysian with stephanie allen and alana johnston on february 15th and 16th and we're also live streaming that so get your you can watch it wherever you watch do a double double double feature with the handsome live stream and then watch some improv. And then I'm at Largo on February 24th. It's going to be sick.

I'm going to be in Peekskill, New York, March 8th. And then there is a second show added in Waterville, Maine on March 10th. And I am going to just be zigzagging between local shows in Los Angeles. Everything will be listed at tignotaro.com, but you can usually find me at Largo or Dynasty Typewriter, you know, those typical haunts. So hope to see you at a show.

Yeah. And until then, keep it handsome handsome is hosted by me may martin tignotaro and fortune feimster the show is produced recorded and edited by thomas willett email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast.