Handsome - Leslie Jones asks about blissful feelings

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Leslie Jones asks about what's even more satisfying than a... well, you'll just have to listen to find out. Plus "that's hot," "git 'er done," and more!Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here.Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. Here we are in person all together again. I am one of your hosts, May Martin. I'm joined really close proximity by my two other co-hosts. Yeah. And Biggie is here. That's right. Well I'm one of the co-hosts in a very similar color as May. We're going, yeah, we're going forest. Mm-hmm. Forest green. I love a forest green. But it's me, Tignotaro. And it's me, Fortune Febster.

Fortune. Hi, guys. Hi. How is being with y'all? I love being with you. It's nice. I'm over here alone. All by yourself.

All by myself. Biggie's over here cuddling with Mae. Biggie is kind of into me, guys. Brilliant to you. It's really nice. And how can you tell when there's no face expressions? Come on. He is full of life.

It's like a gentle... Well, now he's leaning away because he's... No, he's just... He's saying, I like this, pet me. He's really good. Is that what he's saying? Mm-hmm. Okay.

He is. I tried to... I've cut my own hair with clippers and I think there's saying? Mm-hmm. Okay. He is. I tried to, I've cut my own hair with clippers and I think there's some big steps in it and I even think there's a little bald patch on... On purpose? No. No, there's not. It's a little thin there, but it's not bald.

Is it thin? There's a bald patch at the back on the top. Like a monk? Like a full circle? Yes, yes. Yeah, that was on purpose. My father was bald like that. What's that called? Not you pattern, just like. I don't know, circle patterns? I don't know. Yeah, he had a mustache and then he was missing hair right there at

the top of his noggin. Oh my god. Men have a hard time. I didn't get the feeling that that was one of his main struggles in life. Right. It didn't throw him. If you can't see it, are you really thinking about it? Yeah, that's true. These days you go to Turkey, you get a hair transplant. They're so good. I'm sorry.

These days you go to Turkey and you don't know that? No. That is the place to go. Everyone's right. It's cheap and it lasts and how do you know this it's like a thing that like there's a lot of tic-tacs of like all these guys on airplanes with their head wrap yeah coming back from Turkey because that's where you go to get it done and and dental work and stuff it's cheaper to do it it's cheaper to fly

there and get it done there than it is to do it in the state. Why are they so good? I don't know. I don't know, but it's excruciatingly painful. How do you know? These videos I'm watching. You have nice fingers, May. Thank you so much.

I've been, it's the one part of me that I'm proud of. Maybe I've said this, and you know who has the best hands and fingers in comedy? Who? Paul F. Tompkins Really gorgeous fingers hands anyone beautiful hands ever Hands the man has beautiful hands. You've got great hands. Do I they're okay? No one's ever confident. Well cuz they're okay No, you can't see them. I can't better view but look look at May's hands and fingers. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Very long fingers. Yeah. If you know what I mean. Yeah, you do have long fingers. Of course people know what you mean. Okay, Dykes. Last night I did- They know what you mean, those Dykes out there.

Oh, they know. I did like an immersive experience last night. Oh my God, look at Vicky just came and got on my lap. Oh. He heard about that. About those fingers. Oh my god. Wow. You know what? This is something. Dogs and children I think. Mayfact. They trust me. That is a fact. And Bragg. May Bragg. For those watching right now on YouTube, Biggie saddled up to May

so quick. To be fair, Biggie doesn't have a clue what's going on. He does! Just staring straight ahead. No he's not! Doesn't know who he's snuggled up to. He licked May's hand and everything. He knows exactly what he's doing. I've licked May's hand before. I didn't know what I was doing.

It really did seem like he heard about the fingers though. He didn't snuggle up to me at all today. Yeah. Well, he saw your fingers. He finally got a glimpse of those fingers. He's really, really into May. I love it. Okay, May, what story were you going to tell us? Well, you know, I always, I look up any like immersive experience in LA, like an escape room or thing.

And this was like, I got taken to, it was like, it was lights and sounds and colors. Okay, put the hands down. Now you're showing off. Now you're really flying. Oh my gosh, if you're at home watching, there you are. There's Mae's fingers.

All long fingers. All long fingers. This is equal to long legs, is long fingers. Yeah, so I go in and I think some of these immersive things are like running a racket. Like this was a white room, but they played these deep sounds and then bright, bright lights. But it was me and the person I was with and then this couple in their 60s who came and they were- Wait, who was the person you were with? Eh, never you mind.

Oh, was this a date? I was. Yeah, I went on. I got taken on a date, which is nice. You got taken on a date? Usually I'm the one picking the... Can we know the gender? Yeah. Gender's a spectrum.

Okay. So there's this couple and the woman is like this vivacious, like long haired, sort of hippie woman. And she's like, are you guys doing the experience? And then her husband is this curmudgeonly, well, she always makes me come to these things. He goes, I have to take my shoes off. And he was really annoyed. How old?

Late 60s? In an escape room? No, it was like an immersive art experience of like, it was meant to be relaxing sounds. And you look like you're in an alien pod. And, uh, anyway, and then they're, they're bright colors. And at the end of it, first of all, he starts snoring halfway through. I can, I can feel it's just the four of us in this pod. I can hear this. Like he says, this is also interactive.

Yeah. And then my favorite part was at the end. We're like, wow, that was, that was amazing. Yeah. It was so cool. The way the colors responded to the sounds and then she went went well, and did you like it to her husband? He goes, ah the yellow really pissed me off This is similar yellow to this here it was brighter than okay

That's about the color of my spacesuit on Star Trek. That's like a nice mustard Yes that color I would That's like a nice mustard. Yes, that color. I would not have guessed that. Yeah, I was gonna say it sounds like you two are surprised to find out I am in a yellow. Yeah spacesuit But does it have the classic Star Trek symbols on it? Well, I have the yeah emblem there, but I it's it's like I have like Well, I was gonna say I can't share this, but it's the same outfit I had

in Star Trek Discovery. It's just, you know. Yellow space suit. Part of on Discovery, I was in a blue space suit. And then it switched to the golden yellow. What do you prefer? What's more flattering? I mean, I look good in anything, to be honest.

We know this. We know that. Yeah, yeah. But, um. What kind of shoes? Uh, boots. They come up, you know, space boots. Space boots, of course. You gotta have space boots, May.

Space boots. Have you never been to space? I like it, yeah, never. But, you know, the wardrobe people are extraordinarily talented, and I appreciate all of their work. I did enjoy the blue suit a little better. Yeah.

I do like blue. Yeah, but the way it was cut, like it, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very, these subtle changes can be very... Made me feel cooler. Yes. Like in that, because the jacket was cut a little higher whereas the gold goes a little lower, but I still like it.

Like I like the gold suit. I, you know, I sent somebody a picture the other day and they said, you were born to wear a yellow space suit. Yeah. Yeah. I did that show The Flight Attendant and I had to wear a flight attendant uniform and leading up to it I was like, guys I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but like I'll just love to wear a men's flight attendant. And they were, yeah, of course. Got it. We got it. We got it. And then I show up and it's like a sort of Hillary Clinton pants suit. Like it's cut so womanly, you know? And then they have the dress option for me and I'm like, burn that.

Then yeah, I couldn't explain to them like the nuances of like, I know this looks to you like a suit. It's not. It's like, yeah, they altered it you like a suit, it's not. It's like a, yeah, it was so, they altered it a bit for me, but oh man, then they said, oh yeah, and you're gonna wear a little neck scarf around your neck. Like a little tee-hee. Did you have to wear the neck scarf?

Yeah, cause it was a plot point, cause I was hiding a hickey. Oh, gotcha. That is hilarious. Hiding a hickey. Yeah. Fortune, I just watched you in the Will Ferrell Reese Witherspoon rom-com. Oh yeah. Uh, you're so funny in it and also it's so funny. I put it on and I was like, you guys love rom-coms but I would never choose to watch one. I love a rom-com. Do you not? I

love a rom-com. No. You're just in it. I mean, no offense. I'm so offended. Please. Fortune, I see that. I hate that you don't love rom-coms. No, I am not. Did you really think I was a rom-com person? Why do I think, maybe just because you're in them. You like, Tay likes rom-toms. Rom-toms, you like the rom-toms. Oh yeah, I'm a rom-tom, but no.

I was in the movie for like 20 seconds, but I'm glad that in those 20 seconds you laughed. You made an impact. Two of my scenes got cut. Oh shit. I thought there was a place where you were gonna come back at the end. I was supposed to It was because of the hands. That's right. Yeah, but this movie like the first half hour I was like this is such a

funny pleasant rom-com and then it gets sort of unhinged in a way that I Was not expecting and loved like suddenly. it's like he's wrestling an alligator and it was really funny. I really liked it. As you do. Yeah, as you do. I'm glad you liked it. I loved it, it was very comforting.

And what is it called? You're Horgely Invited on Amazon. I'm glad that Fortune jumped in there because I could not resist. Have you seen the movie, Fortune? Yeah, it's fun. I mean, I just love when anyone makes a comedy these days because there's so few getting made.

Like a big, silly comedy. Like a Like a big silly over the top comedy. I love it. So, yeah, that was cool to pop in there. We should get Will Ferrell to ask a question. I asked him, he listens to the pod. What? And- No, he doesn't.

He told me he does, I swear to God. No way. Unless he was just being nice. He was being nice. No, he wasn't, he brought me he does. I swear to God. No, unless he was just being nice. He was being nice. No, he wasn't! He brought it up. He brought the pod up. I did not bring it up to him. Okay. And because he knew that Jax was a teacher and stuff from listening to the pod. And I said you gotta ask her. I immediately, he was trying to compliment me in the pod.

Yeah. And I totally interrupted him and was like, you gotta ask a question he was trying to compliment me compliment me in the pod Yeah, and I totally interrupted him. I was like you gotta ask a question Jack's like let him finish He said he would I just I don't have his number I gotta figure that out I would love to get a question from Meredith Hagner too. Oh, really? Yeah, I love her. She's so she's very funny She's on search party. Yes. I think we need to start She's very funny. She's on search party. Yes. I think we need to start weaponizing the fact that I'm trans to get people to ask

questions. We go in today's America. Wouldn't it be good to amplify this voice? Because I weaponize. It's not weaponized. Um, uh, exploit, exploit. We are here to weaponize this awkward voice. I just think like, um, cause like Will Ferrell did that amazing documentary.

Um, so I'm like, guys, come on. I just watched that documentary like three nights ago. Isn't it great? It is great. And I was just telling Stephanie how much Will shines. Yeah. Like as just a human, like his compassion and his love. And I'm watching it thinking, I want to love like this.

I want to be loved like this. And Harper, just, I mean, that's an obvious thing of like what an interesting, incredible, smart, funny, talented person. And I guess I was just going in, expecting to be so wrapped up in, because I know Will, and I thought I could kind of gather where that would go, but to really see his humanity.

You saw different sides of him. Oh, one million percent. But it also made me feel like I would love to know Harper. Yeah, totally. You know? Yeah. And I think it could potentially be hard to be with somebody as, you know, big as Will Ferrell. But I feel like Harper, they were an even ride to watch.

And I like that they, so if you're listening and you haven't seen it, it's like an old friend of Will Ferrell's who has transitioned to being a woman and then they reconnect and they go on this road trip through America and I like that they kind of also address the fact that it's it's easier because it's Will Ferrell like they're going into these bars and stuff that it would be maybe scary and of course everyone's so pumped to see Will Ferrell so they kind of yeah we're seeing this great side of Americans but they were like this would be very different if Harper was alone. Well because Harper when Harper was a man used to go across the country and stop into these kind of, yeah, die bars, you know, bro-y manly bars. Harper wanted to revisit the life and way that she traveled before transitioning. Yeah, yeah. And to see how, what the reception would be.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man, it was great and it is so, I love how this, this got so earnest after I was saying, let's weaponize my, let's exploit my, uh, I was joking, but yeah, it's, it's so valuable when someone with the platform that big, especially someone who's, yeah, like every American loves, like, like Will Ferrell is so universal. I think I wanna hate for it. Did he? Will did? Yeah, like every American loves like like Will Ferrell is so universal. And he got a lot of hate for it. Did he? Will did? Yeah, a lot. That so just proves the point.

Because that's the world that we're in right now, unfortunately. Yeah. He got a lot of love for it, but has gotten a lot of hate. Right. Yeah, that's wild. I just I don't know how you can see somebody like Harper and then see somebody like Will, who you're so used to just loving and cracking up over anything and everything he

does. And then you just see him and you go, I'm out now. Like that's crazy when it's just such a. Well yeah, cause you would think that people would see the humanity of it, which is the whole point, but again, those aren't the times that we're in. And to clarify, it's not that I didn't think

Will had that in him. It was just so beautiful to see him really, really. Really emote and empathize and be so present. Especially the scene after they were in Texas. Yeah, yeah. And got such a negative reaction. What is the name of the documentary? Just so.

Will and Harper. That's the name of it? Will and Harper, yeah. Yeah. Just so that people can find it. I googled last night. Was that good weaponizing your transness? It was good, but now this is, we gotta get, we gotta get Will to send a question.

Like he's like, yeah, yeah, I will. And then you go and there's a trans person on it. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know how to check that you've got flour, water, and sugar before embarking on that paper mache project. May fact by the way, papier mache translates to chewed paper. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, North to terms, conditions, and availability. All state fire and casualty, insurance company and affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois. Ever since Tig got me started treading water, I look forward to getting in the pool whenever I can. What makes it even more enjoyable is Mitopure. Mitopure helps me feel stronger in my workouts, recover quicker afterwards, and gives me more energy throughout the day. Mitopure is the only Urolithin A supplement on the market clinically proven to target the effects of

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by visiting AuraFrames.com. For a limited time, listeners can get $20 off their best-selling Carver matte frame with code handsome. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code handsome. Don't forget to mention that we sent you to show your support for the show. Terms and conditions apply. I Googled last night, I went on chat GPT and I said- What is, I don't know what chat GPT is.

Oh really? AI. It's AI and you can ask it anything and I don't use it because I've heard it used a lot of water to use it. It's like every question you ask it is a bottle of water. No way. Yeah. Wait.

Wow. Why? I could not tell you. I was like, I don't know. I don't understand science. I have no idea how that's possible. You're not a scientist? I'm not. I'm no scientist. Interesting. I don't know how. I have no idea how that's possible. You're not a scientist? I'm not a scientist. I don't know how any of that works. And how big of a bottle of water because they come in many different sizes.

I think a little 250 milliliter kind of. So anyway, but I had to find out last night. I just wanted to know how many people a year die from laughing like just laugh themselves. Yeah I thought chat GPT it has access to every information on the internet and it was really evasive It was like we have that's not really something that the that's not really something that happens It's not that possible, but it does happen probably but it and I was like, okay, but I said from a heart attack But I said, okay, but ballpark, like people who are recorded as two bottles of water so far, because you had a follow up question. Exactly.

Anyway, eventually it says, well, now people at home are going to be, are you going to sleep curling up facing away from me? No, no, no. Googling AI stuff keeps me. Anyway, the long and the short of it is, it's like a handful of people a year, but it does say, well, there was this man in 1975 called Alex Mitchell who died of laughing himself to death.

He laughed for 25 minutes solidly at a sketch on a British comedy show called The Goodies. So obviously I'm like, what was the sketch? It says a strangulation sketch. I thought, what? And that didn't kill him? But the laughter did? Yeah.

So then I searched and I found the sketch that made this man laugh himself to death for 25 minutes. And I thought, hold up. I thought it'll be a little stale. Not only is it so offensive, I cannot, like is it stale, it is so offensive. I cannot, like I can't even, it is so racist, it is so offensive and it was really making me laugh that this is the thing, that this man

killed himself laughing. And then you almost died. The universe took him out. The universe took him out. The whole saga was tripping me out last night. That is wild. Well you know, I used to produce a comedy festival in DC called the Benson Ball.

Okay. Spelled B-E-N-T-Z-E-N. And we named the festival after this guy who laughed to death. No. No. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Who's this guy? I literally never thought about anyone dying from laughing to death. No. No. Yeah. Are you kidding me?

Who's this guy? I literally never thought about anyone dying from laughing to death. And you two have both had this on your brain. That's crazy. Wait, so who's Benson? He was from Washington State. And in fact, we extended an invitation to his family

and we told them that we named our festival after him. And they're like, why? Will you look him up, Thomas, and see? This is the most random thing ever. Because the wife... Tell me the first initial of his first name and I'll be able to... I've literally never thought about this.

Yeah. Because the widow of Alex Mitchell wrote a letter to this comedy troupe and said, thank you for making his last moments on earth so great. But that was interesting to me, because the whole anecdote is she said, if you laugh at this stupid show, you're in the minority, stormed out of the room,

and then he's laughing so hard that he dies, which I was like, is he trying to make a point? But anyway, and then she writes the truth. Wow, there's a lot of twists. So wait, Benson, Washington State. The first letter tig is O. Yes, yes. It's, this is good podcasting, right?

Otis? I don't think you'll guess it. It's O-L-E is his name. Oh, Ola Benson. Ola Benson. And he died watching A Fish Called Wanda. Yeah. He died watching A Fish Called Wanda.

No way. He was laughing watching A Fish Called Wanda. Wow. And so we were like, what do we call the comedy festival? Oh my God. Ola Benson, I forgot, I did know that, but it's been a long time since I stopped,

and we might bring the festival back, but we're not sure. Did his family respond? Yes, and they didn't come. Yeah, they were like, no. We don't wanna. I probably thought it was a joke. No, we had, we invited them every year. And I think they were going to come one year,

and then I can't remember what happened. We weren't like paying for their plane tickets or anything. Right. I wonder what scene it was in A Fish Called Wanda. I guess I can reach out and ask and keep bringing up a bad topic. Yeah, yeah, just keep that memory alive for them. Yeah. That's crazy. Okay. See, this is what I wanted from ChatGPT. Just some more,

more background. They could have told you about that guy. I'm surprised they didn't say, Oh, by the way, May, your cohost, used to produce a festival called the Benson Ball. It should have known that. It really should have. About Ola Benson. Cause apparently you can say to chat GPT like here's everything about me and and then and everything I've done and and then it can

tell you what to do with your life. Like it is like omnipotent. Like it can say you personally have this issue and you need to do that. Really? Yeah I don't know. And I can just Google that and it'll tell me my issue. Like what's the... You have to go to chat GPT. Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to do that. No. And also we shouldn't because of water. Yeah. And water. Yeah, we can't waste water. It's scary. Yeah. We should just hang with Biggie.

Hang out with Biggie. Yeah. Guys, I'm very excited about today's questioner. I once was on a flight with her. She was like two seats over. Oh, yeah. And I just wanted to say hi the whole time and I didn't. So that's that story. Wow. That's really good. I saw her and I didn't say anything. I wanted to. Today's questioner is an actor and comedian best known for her Emmy nominated work on Saturday Night Live. She's also hosted Supermarket Sweep and starred in the 2016 version of Ghostbusters. Her latest standup special is titled Problem Child.

Leslie Jones is asking today's question. Woo! Nice! Hey handsome, it's Leslie Jones here. Now I was asked to ask you guys a question. So here we go. What, as you grow older, what is more relieving or enjoyable more than an orgasm or just as much as an orgasm? Yeah, great question. Leslie Marie. I asked it. Yeah.

Leslie Marie. I asked it. Leslie Marie. What's as relieving and enjoyable as an orgasm, if not more? Boy, I hate to chime in with something boring and obvious, but a good night's sleep. Oh man, I do. That's better than an orgasm. I mean, like when I get more than six hours of sleep, I feel like I can do anything in the world. Oh yeah. Oh yes.

Yeah. When sleep becomes a struggle for you in your life and you covet it like that. And it's so anxiety inducing knowing that you're not sleeping well and good night's sleep. Okay. I do I like you know what I do is Before I go to bed. Yeah, I take a screen grab of my phone. Yeah, I see what time it is Okay, and because I always forget in the morning. I'm like when did I go to sleep? Yeah, and I always kind of round up like an hour and just go I'll probably be asleep within an hour because I do breathing exercises

and all of my the whole circus to get me to go to sleep. Melatonin? You do melatonin? I don't do melatonin but I do magnesium. I'm doing hormone replacement therapy and with a little extra progesterone. I do Lion's Mane, which is supposed to calm you and help you dreams. Ashwagandha. And I also do a gummy, a sleep gummy.

Oh, it's like a CBD thing? Yeah. And I do CBD oil. I have a whole thing to get me to hopefully sleep a few hours what's crazy is like it's not like someone like we all know Atlanta Johnston or Lisa Gilroy people that operate on it like you're like oh yeah it must be hard for you to wind down but like it's not like you're running around manically like you're already pretty chill like you're half asleep right now You're like, chill already. You're already pretty chill.

Like you're half asleep right now. I know. Well, I also. You have one eye closed. Both have actually been closed until, no, but. Okay, so a good night's sleep. Is this a newer thing though? With sleep?

Yeah, or has this always been the case? No, I remember the first time I noticed it. I was staying at my hotel in Toronto filming Star Trek. It was, I had just done that movie with, it was called Instant Family. I remember calling Stephanie and saying like, God, I feel like I'm not, I'm having trouble sleeping maybe in hotel rooms now.

And I thought that's what it was. And it was just slowly creeping in, but it's like menopause stuff. Oh yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So I take a picture of the time that I go to sleep so I can see when I actually got in bed and, but if I can't fall asleep or I wake up in the night, I never look at the time. Yeah. I don't want to add anxiety. Oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do that.

So I'd rather just get up and start my day thinking I maybe slept five hours, even if it was two or three. Yeah. Yeah. And if you get that like full, deep, deep sleep, you are like, that's better than an orgasm. And what I also learned recently is I used to sleep on my stomach or my side you switched to back. I switch to sleeping on my back only Yeah, and I'm sleeping better and I wake up having not moved an inch. I want to get there. Yeah Yeah, and that's better for your face that your skin too on your face

Yes, I read that like for wrinkles. Yeah, I read that. Is it Deedah Von Teese who has such porcelain type skin? Flawless skin. Who is this? She's like a burlesque dancer. Yeah, Deedah Von Teese? She sleeps on her back because less wrinkles. Like when you're on your side, your face scrunches up. But you know who else sleeps on their back

is Count Dracula in a coffin. Ah, ah, ah, ah. And he has wrinkles galore. True, but those were drawn. He's been around a while. He's been around. Okay, wait. Plus he's also living off of blood.

Better than an orgasm for me. Because you love orgasms. Look. No one loves an orgasm more than me. No, it's not even about that. I love the group orgasm. Oh my God. Everyone together.

I love the eroticism of life. Don't look at me like that. Well, I just didn't need that window into. That's not how you orgasm. I'm going to say, um, when I have a day to myself and I go to the movie theater in the afternoon by myself and I eat my popcorn, sometimes that's like, I love a movie. Do you put little snacks in the popcorn? Like an M&M? No, absolutely not.

I'm sorry. I love sweet and salty. Do you put little snacks in the popcorn? Like an M&M? No, absolutely not. I don't mix sweet and salty. I love sweet and salty. Really? You don't like sweet and salty? No, never. Two against one. Popcorn with like M&Ms or any chocolate, yum.

Like the happiest moments that I've just thought of in my mind are interestingly all alone. Like they're like, and to do with food and solitude like going in not taking that personally like one time I was I was walking in Toronto I was maybe a bit stoned I think I was like 17 I was it was winter as you were just there you know it's like even if I hadn't been there I know winter and walking alone And I walked by this movie theater and they were playing Close Encounters of the Third Kind in the middle of the afternoon.

They played old movies and I went in by myself, I had my fresh popcorn. Oh, I just was like, I'm in heaven. That's good. You know, I don't watch a lot of movies, but that does sound appealing. It does sound very nice. To just wander in, Especially not meaning to.

Yeah, spontaneous. Yeah, I love that kind of stuff. I know, I should do that more often. Why don't you go now? Hop into a movie. Why don't you go? I could. Leave.

Well, right now I'm busy. Okay. You on the clock? I'm on the clock. Today's episode is brought to you by My Dog Biggie. It's also brought to you by Ollie. Clean, fresh nutrition your dog needs and a healthy diet. Today's episode is brought to you by My Dog Biggie. It's also brought to you by Olly.

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and they're so comfortable, you guys, not to mention luxurious indulge in affordable luxury go to quince.com slash handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns that's q u i n c e dot com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash handsome. What about you, Fortune? What is as relieving or enjoyable as an orgasm? Oh man, orgasms. So many of those.

Well, y'all know I love food. Yeah. So- You've never mentioned this. Uh. That was a fake laugh. Yeah. So you've never mentioned this. That was a fake laugh. It was not. It just came out really weird. But then it turned fake.

Right. The second one was fake. Yeah, it felt like, oh, that's funny. And then you thought it through and you're like, it wasn't that funny. And then you went. Any food that's like really rich, you know Where you don't want it you can't eat like a crazy amount of it Yeah, but when you have those bites and it's so like yummy and rich here. I had a pasta Yeah, I didn't order it and I regretted not ordering it but someone else ordered it

I didn't even know I was in the caviar, because that's an aspen that's all big. Come on. Fortune, my bougie. Oh my God, it's a lemon. Lemon, but I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta.

I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I love lemon pasta. I was in the caviar because that's an Aspen that's all I am. Come on. Fortune my bougie. Oh my god. It's a lemon. Lemon, but I love lemon pasta, but I didn't order it because I was like caviar is weird.

That part's throwing me off. But a friend of ours ordered it. And then I was like, should I? I literally thought about it for like, I didn't engage in the conversation because for like 20 minutes I'm like, should I have ordered the lemon pasta? It was a special. And I was like, I probably should have ordered the lemon pasta and everyone's talking

and I'm just like, mm-hmm, lemon pasta, lemon pasta. Because my brain loves food and things like that way too much. Your brain. My brain does. Completely unrelated to you. Yeah, I am always saying it. And then it came and she goes, you have the first bite.

And I was like, no, I can't possibly. She's like, no, no. I can't pasta-ly? I can't pasta-ly. And then I did and it was like, oh my God. My face went like, oh my God. Orgasmic-like. What restaurant was this? Chaconis. Where face went like, mm. Oh my God. Orgasmic like. What restaurant was this?

Chaconis. Where is this? West Hollywood. Okay. It's a special one. I think they, he said they often have it. And I've sensed that one bite, cause then she like ate it all.

She was really skinny and I thought she would like not finish it cause it was really rich. And who is this, your friend? A friend. And I thought I'll get some more, but she polished it off. Oh my God. And I was this, your friend? A friend. And I thought I'll get some more, but she polished it off. Oh my God. And I was like, oh, glad you liked it.

And that's great. Food is like the most analogous thing, I think, where your body starts like, yeah. You start salivating when you see it. When I was 13, I was at a restaurant with my godmother in Greece, and then she got a bacon and onion pie with like feta in it. And she took a bite and I remember her going,

this guys, this is better than sex. And I was 13 and I was so like scandalized. I was like, oh my God. And then I remember eating it being like, is this what sex is like? And like really savory. Tastes like feta cheese. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It was really good, that onion pie. And so I had a question. Oh, I had a question about your sleep. Oh, everyone, let's think of questions for each other. Yes, so do you ever find that an orgasm helps you sleep? It's been a minute. But you could do it on your own, too.

It's been a minute. I don't feel like anything helps me sleep. That is the problem is like, actually being in my bed with Stephanie there is helpful. Maybe gives me another extra hour. Yeah, yeah. But, um. Oh, if Stephanie's there, you. Yeah, yeah. But, um. Oh, if Stephanie's there, you sleep better? Yeah.

Oh, interesting. In my bed, our bed, we always do. Your nervous system regulates. Some people don't, some people sleep worse if they're partners with them. I know, I've talked to those people, and they're like, I have to sleep in a different room. And, not me, I like, I sleep so much better

when I'm in bed with Stephanie. But if I sleep through the night, I am doing leprechaun kicks around town. Do you ever say to Stephanie before bed, get her done so you can sleep better? Get her done. Get her done. Have you ever said get her done to your wife? I have not ever said get her done to say to your wife?

I have not ever said that anywhere in my life. I remember when I remember when I was on tour at one point years ago, I guess when that was popular, people would yell that out. And I was like, was that Larry the cable guy? I guess. But I was like, I think it was Larry theable Guy, you just used to say get her done. Okay, it was like a real thing. I did not know, there was some other thing Paris Hilton said that people were yelling out.

Oh really? They were yelling that to you? Yeah, I remember people at comedy clubs yelling out that's hot, or get her done. And I was like, what? You're like not right. I was like, I don't know what's happening right now. But yeah, get her done.

Get her done. And get her done just means like, do the thing. Do the thing, yeah. Which could be anything. It really could. All right. In this context, it's onion pie. Yeah. But you, if you had to pick though between a movie or an orgasm you'd probably pick the orgasm.

Yeah I'm going orgasm. Yeah. Although yeah. Oh I have a question for you. Oh for me? About orgasms? No, thank you. Do you like, you said you were talking about rich food. What about, I mean wouldn't frosting be rich? That can be really rich. I love it. I have a huge sweet tooth. I love desserts. You know when some people eat a sweet and they're like, it's just too rich. Yeah. That doesn't exist. Okay. Well, that's where-

But yeah, frosting works. Okay, because I'm, it's kind of similar how I don't like a lot of milk in my cereal. Okay. I don't like dress. I like dressing on the side so I can just put a little bit. Okay. I don't like a lot of sauce. But you're healthy.

But this isn't even healthy. It's just like, I just like a hint of that. And I have a sweet tooth as well. But if I have a cupcake, I would prefer that it's like a fifth of the frosting is on there not me Stephanie Yeah, she prefers the frosting over the cake. Yeah, right, right Um, and I prefer the cake over the frosting, but I do like the frosting right and fins the same way He's always like mayor. I'm like you right?

I don't like much milk in Right? I don't like much milk in his cereal. No, I'm like a saucy gal. Yeah. Slather it in things, make it more unhealthy, make it a little sweetness to the salty, the sweet and savory. It would be so interesting if you and I like switched eating habits for like a month. I would lose like 20 pounds.

I just, I wonder if you would. And you would gain. I wonder if you would, that would be so interesting to do. Or just to switch lives in general. Like what, like I, I'd love to experience a week of either of your lives. And with your friends, you sometimes, you're like, I know what I would do differently in your life

I have friends who I'm like let me inhabit your brain for a week and I'll fix all your problems What would you do differently about us? Oh, no, nothing. I just want to experience your life Oh, right. Pick out something. I'd have bored of mine. No, I'd have fun doing both your material I love that. I would really want to do your material. Tegan I would get laid What? If we were in maze life. Oh, oh, oh, I see. I'd be up all night.

And you'd also have to read a bunch of facts and horror escape rooms. We'd be having orgasms though. That is really... Yeah, but sometimes you'd feel sad after. Aww. But you'd feel sad after Lemon pasta, oh yeah, I just really

Like do you like green smoothies that kind of thing or mmm? No, I if I wanted to have a smoothie I like Like you'd also have to be vegan for a month. Oh, yeah, that's gonna be tough I'd be tougher. See I would make the food I would feed you I would eat that and you'd make my food. Yeah. Oh, I'd have to buy your food. I'm not good at making it I mean, I'm not like a chef or anything if I'm a dream a smoothie I like like almond butter banana dates Milk kind of thing. That's not only want too. I would put blueberries in there too. I like that kind of smoothie, but I don't like the ones that taste like vegetables. I remember that Chelsea Handler thing you did where you got, you guys all ate

weed at that amazing restaurant, but having been this donor in the past, like that food tastes so good when you're and seeing you were all just like, we were so high, so delighted by each new dish that came out. And I think forgetting that there was, we, I totally forgot, but cooked into the food and anyway, but I remember like, I was high till noon the next day, salivating, watching it because you were all just like, Oh my God, I was, would you do it again? So high. Uh, yeah, it was fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Should we hear what Leslie's answers? Oh, yeah. Yeah well for my answer the most believing thing or Enjoyable thing as an orgasm if not more is taking a shit when you get older When you take a good dump, it just feels like you're emptying shit out. You know what I'm saying?

Literally. Yeah. I would almost put that really as, on the same level as an orgasm, if not better. Because, oh my goodness. Especially if it comes out all at one time. Like you don't have to go multiple times. Like it just comes all out and you're like, brrrrraaosh.

Yeah that sound effect. I hope that's what y'all wanted. Look at her face. That's what she'll want. That's exactly what we wanted. The sound effect that she did for all the time. Brrrr-oush. Brrrr-oush.

Yeah, oh my God. She's a trip, oh my God. She is so funny. And you know, her history on SNL was... No. No? She... She was a writer first.

She was a writer. We had the same manager for years, and maybe I'm not understanding or remembering correctly, but I think he like really fought for her to be on the show. Well, I think. And Chris Rock too. Yeah, but she started doing. Weekend Update? Yeah, Weekend Update.

Right, right. And then was moved to cast member. Right. Yeah. And it's like, she just feels like an obvious cast member. Oh, totally. Yeah. She's like to hide her in a writer's room. I know. Makes no sense. Also her deadpan, what is so good sometimes. Yeah. I heard she just would go up to Lauren and just be like, when do you put me on TV?

You know, everyone's like very intimidated by him. And she was like, when am I going to be on TV? That's awesome. But that's what I remember. That's what I remember about. But it just seemed like she was just always moving up at that job. I just remember when I started at a comedy store, she was, she's such a force, you know? And she would treat every set like she was going into like a game. And she had like a towel in her bag pocket and was just like amping and I was like, is it?

Like a sports game, not a board game. Yeah, yeah, no, like a sports game. And I was like, I need to take this more seriously. I really admire that. Yeah, I don't break a sweat. She was there to entertain, it was fun to watch. She does entertain. She does.

And she's not wrong about a post-poo euphoria, that relief, especially if you just started dating someone and you're staying at their house and you can't go number. What do you do, you grab a kettle? You grab a at their house and you can't go number two. What do you do? You grab a kettle? You grab a kettle. No, you can't go number two. You have to hope there's another bathroom that they're not going to walk into. You can't risk it. If you're just staying there, you've got to wait until you leave and then you get home. Sounds like it was too late for Fortune. Sounds like Fortune already did this.

Oh yeah. No, it definitely ruins romance. Even now, 10 years in, Jax is like, what, really? And I'm like, sorry. I'm very poo positive. You're poo positive? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you're at a hotel, I would, in early days, well, even sometimes now, I'll go to the lobby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta go to the lobby. You do that now. Yeah, sometimes. I'll go to the lobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. You gotta go to the lobby. You do that now. Yeah, sometimes. I think that's... Jax is like, take your business ten floors down. She didn't want that, to be a part of that. And I understand.

I think I get that. She's not excited about that. She's not excited about it. I can't, I don't blame her for that. And how do you feel about her? Or has she never? hers really don't Make a dent

She's a dainty Pure of soul. Yeah minor different a difference. I need well, I mean you got lemon pasta to get rid of Icing I see Orgasmic food I'm gonna drive down the road to the Holiday Inn and give them a surprise. Oh man, I'm trying to reel the... I gotta reel all... I got too comfortable, you know what I mean? Farts and stuff. In your marriage. I'm trying to reel all that in.

Yeah. To be a little bit more... Bring it here instead. Did she sit you down and say, listen. No one's really into that romance life. So I'm trying to grow up in that regard and not be so disgusted. Save that for us.

Yeah, please save it. That's for you guys. Thank you for that. You're welcome. Well, this has been a pleasure. Yeah, yeah. Wow. It you for that. You're welcome. Yeah. Well, this has been a pleasure. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It really has been.

And why does Leslie's question and answer not surprise me? I've never had it be those to that level where it's orgasmic. I don't think so. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Maybe you're not fully emptying your bow. Maybe I'm not going Wow, Jack. Yeah, of course if you fully Empty your bow had a colonic. I mean like I could talk for 20 minutes about that

Have you had a colonic? I got a groupon. I think I've talked about on the podcast, but I got a groupon I did a cheap colonic in a office building with no roof I don't think so. I don't think we did. I don't know. It sounds familiar. The group one's not familiar. I thought I was gonna be able to like be texting,

be like, it was excruciating. It was excruciating? Oh my God. I couldn't text. I was like cramping, I couldn't text. The woman was like, well also she was calling me girl, but I really found it soothing in the moment. I was like, I need that from this one.

She kept me like, let it out girl, let it out. And I was like, yeah. And then she said, you know, you're gonna find it emotional. Emotional? And I said, no, I think I'll be fine. Literally within 20 minutes, I was like, I used to be a drug addict.

And she was like, me too. And I was like, while you were taking a dump? Yeah. It was a cloning thing up your butt. Come on. You don't need to be yelled at, okay? I don't know what you two do in your... This nurse wasn't part of me pooping.

Okay, for sure. She was there the whole time. Is it a sign of my lack of intelligence? I thought that she just like... Let's go to just like started you on this path and left you alone. That's what I thought going in. Cause I had a colonic once and the person... Oh, me and my colonic. I want to go to like...

Don't feel left out cause you haven't had one. You know what though, it messed up the... We've had one so... I couldn't digest anything after. So my person got all the stuff up the boat. How dare you? Well, the bods falling apart over a colonic. They put the thing up my butt and then left, maybe.

What if Jack started to say that? That's what a colonic is. Well, she doesn't want that. But May's person was like, It was so integral. You go coaching you through it. She was like massaging go coaching you through it. She was like massaging my stomach, she was, and I could see the stuff coming out through

the tube. Yeah, you can see it go through the tube. Okay, I want to go to some like- But mine was not painful. Okay, I just was like- I just was like- I don't know what's going on with me. Maybe you're a Groupon.

I think it was a Groupon issue. And your nurse was like really like feeling your energy too. Yeah, I don't know. And she said you got to come back. I'm only... Anyway, but I didn't, I couldn't go back. Well, you know, like this conversation. Huh? I want to do another one. Let's go together.

Let's do it. Let's get that group on the list, Thomas. Flush us out. We need to be handsome everywhere, including our b-holes. Right, Tig? This show sucks, man. Tig! What? Tig Marie!

People were calling you Tig Marie when we posted that video on Valentine's Day. Oh yeah, it started kissing everyone. Because you were a kissing bandit. Yeah. Oh, people start in my shows now, shouting, May Marie. Really? And do they shout, Fortune Marie?

They always shout, Fortune Marie. People yell, Fortune Marie to me too. Really? And I don't ever say anything you don't acknowledge. Like, risk gay? Well, no, nothing risk gay. Oh, they just love it you stay there. They say things gay, just not risk gay.

Okay. Thank you, let's go to commercial. Well, what nothing risk gay. Oh, they just love it. You stay there. Okay. Thank you. Let's go to commercial Well, what do you guys have coming up? I'm working out my hour So if anyone lives in Irvine, California or Ontario, California, there are people that live there Those listening I'll be at those clubs at the improv Working on those sets and at Huntsville, Alabama as well. And then the big tour starts like April 2nd, Savannah, Georgia.

Did you tell your agent I wanna be home for April Fool's? I did say that. I do not wanna leave the family until April 2nd. I gotta go to Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Albuquerque, Cleveland, Columbus, Baltimore, Pittsburgh. Oh my gosh. God, there's so many Greensboro, Roanoke. Take your time.

Hold on. Do you want me to name them all? Hold on. I want to name them all. My God. Don't you have a website or something? No, you guys, you want to hear this, don't you? Sure.

Cause nobody's got geography. Nobody's got anywhere to no, you guys, you wanna hear this, don't you? Sure. Because nobody's got- I love geography. Nobody's got anywhere to go, right? No. Where else, you guys? This is insane. This is insane. There's nobody over here, but. Oh my God.

Phoenix? Oh my God. Oh, Rockford, Illinois, home of the Peaches. And home of Natasha Leggero. Is she really from there? You know about the Rockford Peaches, right? Oh, the baseball? A League of Their Own.

Oh, baseball. They are the All-Americans. Something, we cover cities near and far. A League of Their Own's one of my favorite movies of all time. Max and Finn as well. Oh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, and Lexington, Kentucky. Whew.

Wait, there's more. Oh my God. Knoxville, Tennessee and Asheville, North Carolina. God help me. And more being added. Wow. And when those get added, you best believe I'm going to name all the cities. Tink, are you still with us?

Oh, yes. Did you fall asleep? How's Biggie? Or did you have an orgasm? I'm going to name all the cities. Tic, are you still with us? Oh, yes, yes. Did you fall asleep? How's Biggie? Or did you have an orgasm? Biggie's fine. I got, I'm tonight in New York at the Gramercy Theater and March 9th at the Forum in Kentish Town in London,

England, I'm gonna go see Debbie. Oh, can you do Debbie for us? Debbie Doo? Oh, may I can't believe you've come back. Promise me you'll stay. I hope she's that enthusiastic. Are you excited to go back to London? Oh, she didn't actually say that to you ever.

No, no. You're just putting words in her mouth. Like, promise me you'll stay. Wow. I'm excited but nervous because I kind of left without knowing I was moving away from there permanently. Really? Yeah, like I still had my apartment there.

I thought you moved knowing you were like goodbye. I thought I was coming for six months for a writer's room. Fortune turned to you like total girl talk. Like really? Really? Like putting your drink down and you're like, oh, really? Do tell. Give me the hot gauze.

I'm nervous to see everyone. It was my whole 20s there, you know? Because you haven't been back since? I haven't been back in a couple of years now. No way. Yeah, yeah. Wow. So it's gonna be, like so many of my best friends

are there, but I haven't. And they're like, they might not recognize you. They're like, we haven't heard from you in two years. I know, that's how I'm feeling. Is there, are there any old flames we're excited to see? Lots of old flames, yes. I am actually excited to see some old flames. Smoldering flames.

Are we gonna be texting people? Oh, I'm texting. Okay. Well, cause there are a lot of people there who are good, good friends who are also old flames. And it'll be nice to see them. Wow, it sounds like someone's gonna be doing well. Taking a dose.

Take an onion pie. Shut up. Taking a dose. Taking a big ol' steamin' dump. Mesh is gonna be shitting all over London. All over London. God. Bring your kettle. Steaming dumb. May is just gonna be shitting all over London. God.

Bring your kettle. Well that sounds great. I love that you're on your music tour. It's awesome. Get your tickets. Get your tickets. Go see May. Did you name all the cities?

Yeah. You can get your phone out too. There's only two for sure. Oh okay. Because you've already done some of them. I've done two already and there's two more. What about you, Tick? I'm not on a music tour.

Do you need to get out your phone to look at cities? No, I'm just going to be right here in Los Angeles. Hanging out with my adorable little family in Kitty City and working on new material. You know, I bounce between Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. All the dates are on my website, tignotaro.com. Also, we are live streaming our show from Austin, Texas on April 12th.

And you can stream that from anywhere in the world. Go to handsomepod.com and get your tickets. It's gonna be a crazy big show. I'm excited. Yeah. It's gonna be off the hissy. Like 3000 people and then, yeah, it's gonna be really fun.

So please watch it. Have watch parties and stuff. You are a little cowboy going to Texas. Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. Have you been to Texas before? I slept. I slept in a... This ain't Texas, ain't no home. Well, we should top dance to that.

But I one time slept in a windowless room in the airport of Houston airport. You could rent it within the terminal. Oh, that's nice. And guess what the room was called? Lil Cowboy. Lil Cowboy room. No.

I swear to God. Wow. This is recent, I took a video of the door to prove it. That Cowboy room. No. I swear to God. This is recent. I took a video of the door to prove it. Wow. Yeah, because we need proof. So this is your first proper visit to Texas. Yes it is.

Austin is a good one. Yes ma'am. Austin is a good one to go to. Yes ma'am. I've lived in Texas. I lived in the Houston area, Dallas area, and Austin. I don't think I realized that. Did you like it?

Look, I made a lot of really good friends. I've lived so many places. I have so many friends that I've made and you know it's hard to keep up with everyone you know with stand up and touring and jobs and moving around in different cities but yeah I had really fun little windows of time for a year or two here and there in different cities, but yeah, I had really fun little windows of time for a year or two here and there in different cities and towns. And Austin was a big moment for me in my life because I'd just come out and I moved right to Austin and just gated up the original little cowboy. Yeah. Yeah. We're here for a good time, not for a long time. Yeah. I would order you some Texas barbecue,

I don't want to have meat in the green room. Oh, let's go out for it after Texas barbecue. I don't want to have me in the green room Oh, let's go out for it. Yeah Take that somewhere. Yeah, I will have little broccoli sprout smoothies. Yeah Texas has great tacos to the oh great. Yeah. Yeah, I want it all. Yeah about lemon pasta. Uh, yeah I don't think they're known for lemon pie. Well, actually Austin's food seems really really good gotten breakfast burritos there all the breakfast tacos and burritos. They are delish Yeah, yeah. Yes. Oh my gosh. Anyway, Texas then the colonic Then you're gonna orgasm your brain out yeah and cry about it God what I loved another Another great. I'd cry about it. God. What I loved there. I love you too.

I know. Sorry. I said, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You love what? I love being together. Me too. Yeah. This is so nice. Wow. These are nice hands. Thank you. You're right. Well, I guess, oh, tell your friends, if you like our show, share an episode.

Okay. Tell your friends how good we are. And until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at HandsomePod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check that your canoe doesn't have any holes in it before paddling out to the middle of the lake for some fishing. Checking First is smart.

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