Handsome - Melissa McCarthy & Ben Falcone ask about comedy bits

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

The iconic comedy couple Melissa McCarthy & Ben Falcone asks about tricky comedy bits on a hilarious episode of Handsome, plus Mad Libs return, #sexyAF, and more!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome Pot. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pot. Cheers. Hey, it's your friend, Tegno Taro. And your friend, May.

And your friend, Fortune. And you're listening to the Handsome Podcast. Oh yeah, baby. The band's back together. That's right. Looking as handsome as ever. Yeah, looking very handsome. Both of you in collars, collared shirts.

You noticed, May? And you, May, in a hoodie. What's the special occasion? That's a sexy hoodie. Yeah. I actually have a full, I'm wearing the jumpsuit that I wore in Army of the Dead. Mm.

Oh, no way. Yeah, it's the full jumpsuit. Yeah, let's see it. Oh, whoa. My loins are feeling things. That's amazing. Oh, your cooter. Hey, Fortune Marie.

Are you gonna keep any wardrobe from Star Trek? You gonna keep your? I can now, I think about shows like that where it's like, oh, Fortune, go to YouTube right now. Go to YouTube and look at- I'm fingering the- Star Trek. Star Trek.

Fortune's trying really hard. To do live long and prosper that. Oh, I might as well effortlessly. Wait, you can't do it, Fortune? Fortune's trying really hard to do live long and prosper. Oh, May does it effortlessly. Wait, you can't do it, Fortune? No. Oh, I mean, look at her. I barely can.

Like when I go through, you know, doing press for the show and everybody's doing that, I'll be like, oh. Oh, well you got it. I do, but it takes me a beat to get there. You think people have not gotten hired on that show because they can't do this? Yeah, like is that part of your audition?

Oh wait, look, oh my God, you guys look. There you go, you do it. Go to YouTube, go to YouTube. Seriously, go to YouTube. Oh my God, you gotta get rubber bands. Yeah, just get some duct tape. I don't feel good with my- Do you know what's funny? Speaking of duct tape, is my character

from the old series that I did, Star Trek Discovery. Janet Reno. No, no, Jet. That's not your character's name. Jet Reno. Jet Reno. But I have a line where, cause I'm an engineer, and I have a line where, cause I'm an engineer and somebody does something

and I say, I could fix that with duct tape. And so my character kind of is known for saying that and trying to fix things with little, like with my gum, I'll, you know. Like MacGyver. I think that's like a really Canadian quality. Duct tape is very versatile. You can fix a canoe, you can. Oh, like MacGyver. I think that's like a really Canadian quality. Duck tape is very versatile. You could fix a canoe.

You can make a wallet. That was the big thing in high school, making a wallet fully out of duck tape. Oh. Yeah. Well, you know, I have to be honest, duck tape also has reached the States. Oh.

Oh. Wait. In Canada, we love duck tape. Wait, why do I think it was purely Canadian? It's not a no No, no, have you seen all the kidnapers in the States with that? Oh, yeah, you're right. You're so right Oh, yeah, that is such a funny thing that you thought You invented duct tape You gotta check this shit out

Export duct tape. What were we, what did you say about Star Trek? I felt like I was gonna say something about- Oh, keeping your costume. Oh, oh, right. Yes. No, I won't be keeping my costume. Good, I'm glad we got the bottom of that.

Well, I was thinking when I was on set the other day about how there are those types of TV shows where your wardrobe is not something that you ask if you can take home or if, and anybody, the director's not like, hey, you know, on Little House on the Prairie, they weren't like, hey, you can take that bonnet home. Although I would love a bonnet, you know,

I love a bonnet home. Oh my would love a bonnet. You know, I love a bonnet. Oh my God. Can I take this nightgown? Yes, and this candle. But I did, I love the jumpsuit from Army of the Dead. It really suits you. Well, thank you. And if you're not aware, I did go viral for being sexy.

A sex symbol. I know, I don't mean to compete with you here, May, but some people found me sexy during that window of time. I feel wildly unsexy at the moment. Oh really? I feel so sexy right now. I'm like ordering chicken nuggets at 3 a.m. I'm not in a sexy place.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Chicken nuggets at 3 a.m. I'm not in a sexy place. Hello. Hello. Hello. Shaking nugs at 3 a.m. Are you feeling sexy, Fortune? Yeah. I sure am.

Look at all these little poses. I'm never feeling sexy. I'm always feeling silly, but I remember when Tig broke the internet. Yes. We were in the pandemic, right? Oh, yeah. You'd think it would have launched us out of the internet. It was, we were in the pandemic, right? Oh yeah. You'd think it would have launched us out of the pandemic. Yeah, so the vaccine was coming on the heels of that.

Yeah. But yeah, we were all at home, collectively at home. While I was going viral. You were going viral on the old Twitter and Instagram. What was it like, did someone call you up and say, Tig, you've gone viral? Well, Stephanie and I were, we were in the editing bay for our movie, Am I Okay?

And my phone, yeah, starts going off. And I didn't know or I forgot that the trailer came out for the movie. Oh, yeah. And whatever it was of not remembering or didn't know, I, everybody was like, oh my God, you're going viral for being sexy, for being sexy AF. I think I told this story and then I turned to Stephanie

and I was like, I'm so, I don't understand. People are texting me that I was like, I'm so, I don't understand. People are texting me that I'm like viral for being sexy as AF is what I said to Stephanie. Did you know what AF was? No, no, had never heard of it in my life. And that's why I said to Stephanie, people are telling me I've gone viral for being sexy as AF.

And she said, oh my God, she said it's not as AF, it's sexy AF. And she said it's like saying you're sexy at, wait, what is it? Sexy as a fuck? Yeah, something like that. I don't know. I went viral in 2012 for being sickly and then whatever, 2022.

So you've done sickly, sexy, what's next? Silly? I don't know. I'd love to go viral for silly. Oh my God, that would be good. I love silliness, I'll be honest. Yeah, like go to some major event and throw a banana peel on a-

Wait, let me write this down. This is a good one, this is a good idea. Hold on. Okay, go to some major event and throw a banana peel on it. Wait, let me write this down. This is a good one. This is a good idea. Hold on. Okay, go to the Olympics. Throw a banana peel. Go to the Olympics, slip on a banana peel and go boing, boing, boing.

Boing, boing, boing, boing. I do love, now hear me out. I do love littering. No. I do. I've been talking about this in my standup, but I like littering in front of people, but I'm not really littering.

I like throwing trash down on the ground to startle people. So now that I have kids, they want me to litter. So we were on a hike. We were in the mountains on a hike and they call me mayor and they were like, mayor, here comes some people, litter. And so we're like in this pristine, just beautiful area and I take my to go coffee cup that I'm carrying

and I'm like, oh my God, guys, it is so beautiful out here. And then I just toss my coffee cup on the ground. Did they like their eyes go so? People want to kill me. And then I act like I act like it's because they shoot me this look that I pick up my trash. And then my favorite thing was, you know, when you're in the mountains,

people are so healthy and active and even elderly people are just out there trekking around. And so this is my absolute favorite. So my kids are like, Mayor, here comes somebody. And it's this woman has to be in her seventies, just fit as a fiddle. And I do the same thing. I look around and I mean, we're like,

it's not like Runyon Canyon in Los Angeles. It's like packed full of people hiking around, dog poop. It's like pristine beauty. Every now and then someone passes you. So I take my coffee cup and I go, guys, look at that mountain. And I just throw it. And the woman in her 70s, she goes,

ha, that's funny. And points at me. What? Yeah. And I said, oh my God, yes, it is. I'm joking. And I was like, I get it. That's funny.

I get it. That was your ghost of Christmas future. I mean, I loved it. That's incredible. Old bat. Loved her. You're gonna go viral for littering, for sure. I think so, that's what I was thinking, Mae.

We're gonna open up an app and it's gonna be like, comedian Tignoto litters. Well, and I littered once, I was with Kristen Schall, you know the comedian Kristen Schall? We went to a Tegan and Sarah concert and there were 10 billion lesbians in line to get in. And I littered right there in front of them. Oh my God. Just to see them lose their minds.

And they all got whiplash, just swing in their heads around like. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. A collective gasp for all the gays. Yeah, we almost lost 10 billion lesbians that day. And I was on a flight and I sat next to Tegan and Sarah.

It was one of the gayest moments that have ever happened. This ever happened. Yeah, gay flight. And I told them that I'd been talking about them on stage and it was about this littering thing, how I littered at their concert. And keep in mind, I don't leave litter on the ground. I do it as a bit.

It's a TIG bit. Yeah, it's a TIG bit. I like to shock, startle. Shock and awe, ruffle feathers. Ruffle, like in a fun way. I'm having fun and so did that woman. But yeah, so I'm telling them, and it was so funny, Sarah Quinn of Tegan and Sarah,

she was so uncomfortable and she was telling me how she loves when people do uncomfortable things, but she cannot like when she thinks about doing anything like that. It just, yeah, I was like, I'm here for you. I will do this. This is my job in the universe. You're gonna sit in that uncomfortability and draw it out. Yeah. Oh my God, yeah. So I do love to litter. My favorite thing that maybe you could, you'd enjoy this one is like if you're sitting

near a window or actually you don't have to be by window but ask someone for a piece of gum and then they go all through their bag and they're rifling through and they dig out the gum and take some ages and as soon as you get it, you just throw it away. Like throw it out the window or just, it's really good. I'm happy to do that.

Yeah, yeah, let's do it. You know what I never got to do? What are y'all doing to people over there? You know, because there's not video stores anymore, right? You can't really rent videos. I always wanted to rent a bunch of videos and then immediately return them in front of the people. Because there was a video store near my house

that had the drop box right at the end of the counter. And so I wanted to rent like five movies and then just drop them in the return thing and then just walk out the door. I love that. One more thing I have to tell you. This I want to do so desperately, but it is a form of littering that is delayed. It is delayed littering. Okay. And that is when you set a balloon free. Yeah. That's just litter like one town over. Yeah. It's going to go in the ocean somewhere. Yeah. But here is my big dream. I want to go to Disneyland with my family. Okay. And you know those people that are holding those balloons that have Mickey Mouse in the balloons? Those $50 balloons?

Yes, I wanna buy the whole bundle. I wanna be like, how much for all of them? And buy the entire bundle of balloons. They're like $10,000. Yeah, buy the bundle and then just stare them in the face and let them go. Just let them go right there. Oh, I wanna do it.

Look at you, you prankster. I wanna do it. What about bringing a pair of scissors to Disney and just walking down the main strip, just snipping everybody's balloon strings? What is happening with you two today? I don't think we could get through security, in their security at Disneyland.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they'd be like, I'm gonna bring a butcher's knife. Look who's joined us. Hi, Biggie. Oh, precious animal. Oh my God, I gave Biggie a kiss from my office in Los Angeles. You did?

I did. I just went, oh. He's like, what's up? They're so close. Oh just went, oh. He's like, what's up? There he is up close. Oh my God, look at him. Biggie, go to our YouTube channel right now and see Biggie's dead eyes. That is the epitome, that is what Biggie,

Biggie has dead eyes. They light up when he sees a carrot or food, his toy carrot or food, and the eyes come alive. That's the charm. Yeah. It's a simple life, yeah. It's just dead eyes. If you guys came to my home, he is a lot more animated.

I don't need it. Well, not in this moment on my desk, but like downstairs. Yeah, he's in your home right now. I know, but like playing and you'll see the... I would love to see him playing with dead eyes. No, Tic. His eyes are full of life. Hehehehehe. That's his charm.

Well because he's like, what are you doing to me right now? Why are you putting me up in the zoom? He knows what a zoom is and he has no interest in it. My cat knows what sunshine is. Every morning when I come down, fluff will meow at me and I'll say fluff, where's your sunshine? Where's your sunshine? And she goes over and she lays down.

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That's simply safe dot com slash handsome. There's no safe like Simply Safe. In a little sun patch in the kitchen and I pet her. It's so cute. Oh, that is cute. Have you seen those things where it's like a pad with words and the dog can step on the words to communicate and it's like, take me outside.

Or it's like, I want toy. And the dog is basically making sentences. This is unnatural. The dog is standing on a woman's pad? What? Fortune. Fortune. Like a tampon pad?

Yeah, the dog is standing on a tampon pad. You sound like a man, Fortune. Yes, you do. No, I know what a tampon is, but I'm saying like the adjacent version of the tampon, the pad. You know, bro, you mean like a tampon pad? Bro, you're talking about those pads,

those giant pads with the wings? Yeah, yeah, my chick wears those. Can I reveal a secret? Biggie's very familiar with pads because he has one in his diaper. What? Wait a second. Why does he have a diaper?

Yeah, you're making me reveal all of Biggie's secrets. I don't think anyone made you. No, you really wedged it in there. Twist my arm, I'll tell you. Okay. Biggie has what's called a belly band, and it's a diaper that goes around this back section here of a male dog. And, um, it's a, it's a diaper.

And so, cause you know, male dogs like to mark everywhere. And so if we don't want biggie to mark, if we take him somewhere, we don't want him to mark, we put a belly band on him. It's essentially a diaper, but we put a woman's pad in there. The indignity. You don't even have to say woman's pad. That's like what a guy will say, I am a male nurse.

And it's like, okay. But wait, also- Well, he's got a pad in there. And so we go to the dollar store to get him his pads. His diaper. But is the diaper not enough? Like he needs a diaper and a woman's pad? The diaper is enough.

She wants to humiliate him more. Yeah, the diaper's enough, but you just have to wash them a lot more frequently. But I have been in an airport holding his belly band with a woman's pad or pad, just flowing in the wind. With the help of a male nurse. And it looks like I'm just holding a pad in the airport.

Oh my God. And we were like, you psycho. Yeah, he is well potty trained, so he doesn't need it often. It's more in just new places where Jack's supposed to. I'm bored. You stop. He is well potty trained, so he doesn't need it often. It's more in just new places where Jack's supposed to. I'm bored. You stop. So yeah, anyway, pads.

Women's. Speaking of pads, it makes me think of the word mad, which makes me think of the word mad lib. Oh, don't. What a great transition, right? How good, the response to our mad lib was electric. It was electric, May. You knew what the people wanted.

I'm so pleased that people- We'll have to do it at a live show sometime. I know. Oh my God. I didn't know how much I would be delighted. I was giddy from it. I got high from it. Yeah. I'll tell you the thing, people didn't like May.

What? They didn't like the, people didn't like May. What? They didn't like that we didn't give you a chance to do one. But I got a lot of joy out of giving it to you guys. I'm a very generous lover. Yeah, we can say that May has given it to us. Yeah. May, you gave it to us so good. I'm a giver.

And you're such a giver. Well, Thanksgiving is upon us. My favorite holiday. Is it really? Is it your favorite holiday? Yes, stunned faces. I love it too. I love it so much.

I love food and friends and family bringing their little weird dishes. Little weird dishes. Yeah. I'd come by and be like, I brought one shrimp. I forgot, Mae, do you go to visit your American friends' Thanksgiving? I've never, I mean, I did a Canadian Thanksgiving type of thing here. This year, I'm not sure. When is it again?

November 29th or something? It's the last Thursday. Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna get off work because I'm working in Canada. And they don't celebrate it. So I might be working on my favorite holiday. Yeah, I think it might be my favorite holiday too, because it's just all the food and you're giving thanks, saying what you're grateful for. Yeah, when we took Max and Finn to Austin one year,

we spent Thanksgiving. We have, on my stepfather's side of the family, all boys. Like, I think it was like 15 boys had been born, not one girl, until my brother just had a girl, like a year ago. So we were all there and giving thanks for whatever, going around the table. And Max and Finn were three at the time.

And when we got to them, I think one of them said, monster trucks. That's what they're grateful for. Yeah, thankful for monster trucks. As everybody's like, you know, I'm so thankful for my health and what I got through last year and we will miss this person and that person

and then monster trucks. Monster trucks. Yeah. I went to an ex's Thanksgiving once with her whole family. I hadn't met her family yet and we're all sitting around and the great grandmother goes, you know, for these and all his mercies, God's holy name be praised, amen.

We all say it and then it goes to, and then this two-year-old angel sweet child is just like babbling away and then starts going around the table and going like, she's been kind of eyeing me up. And then she's going, well, Lindsay's a girl, mommy's a girl, daddy's a boy. And I'm like, here we go. And all these like grandparents, great grandparents and everyone's silent and then gets to me and is like grandma's a girl and then points at me and goes what's me? What did you answer? I was like well you know it's a spectrum. So everyone at the table had that accent?

Yeah. Yeah I was like wow for this and all this mercy. So everyone at the table had that accent? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I was like, wow, for this and all this mercy. Are you good at, Stephanie's really good at saying prayers. Oh, really? I kind of clam up. I get everyone expects, like, do you find this, like it expects you to be good at toasts and things

because you do comedy? She doesn't do it in a real way. She can do it like, like she's a pastor who just breaks into prayer out of nowhere. Who are in heaven, hallowed be thy name. No, like she can rip. Thy kingdom come.

Whoa, like. Freeform. Thy will be done. Yeah. Like, we give thanks for the spirit of the Lord pouring down upon us. Oh, wow, cool. Yes, like when you do a show with her again,

a live show, ask her to do a free form prayer. Oh my God. You will die laughing. I will. Can she do this? The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord lift his head to shine upon you. Thankfully not.

Thankfully not. I feel like if you had been in your prime in like the 1930s or 40s, you would have had an unironic career as a singer. Like a chamber singer. Like a housewife. I would have been the spinster that sings at church. No, you would have been married

and spent your whole life thinking, something feels off. I feel different. But I sing to the Lord. Keep going, keep going. And all is good. That's it. All right, Mad Libs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it.

Who's ready? This is a Mad Lib called Oh My Thanksgiving Pie. And this is just for May? It's you, May and you. Perfect. I'll let you know whose turn it is. All right, you ready? I'm already like, get going.

We've been ready. Are you ready? For the Lord. For the Lord. Okay. I'm still preparing. One of the best parts of Thanksgiving is- Wait, Fortune, Fortune.

So you just ask for a noun. Like you don't tell them the thing. Oh, Jesus. You just say, can I get a noun? Oh my God, Fortune. Y'all. Okay, you have to keep that in, Thomas. Please keep that in.

You guys, I told you I didn't know what that was. People were shocked. And I'm like, why do I need to know this when I know about the Lord? It's hard to read. Okay, May, give me a noun. Brisket. All right, Tig, give me another noun.

Secretary of State. God, that took forever. But it was worth it. May, give me another noun. Butt plug. Whoa. Classic. Tig, give me an adjective.

Fluffy. Okay. May, another noun. Water wings. Okay, wow, this is gonna be a real treat. Tig, give me a family member, any family member. Godfather. Good one.

Can I replace water wings? No. Okay. Oh God. The ad lib police, mad lib police. Give me an adjective. Slippery. Taye, give me a plural noun. A plural noun, how about...

I'm bored. Bored chin, that's my joke. A plural noun. Jelly beans? Sure, bud. Another noun, May. Mystery. Take, give us an adjective.

Why don't I ever get nouns? Dude. All you got was nouns in the beginning. Sneaky. Yeah, that's good. All right, May, give us another family member. Uncle. Actually, I'll say ankle.

Isn't that like the non-binary version of uncle and aunt, ankle? I know, I think that's a part of your foot. Right. I'm gonna go with ankle though. It's an aunt uncle, uncle aunt? Yeah, it's like a non-binary aunt uncle. I've made it up, but I think that's what it is.

Okay. What's that say, a number? Can you read that, Thomas? Oh my God. I thought you guys googled. Yeah, I'm trying to figure it. This is a nightmare. How dare you?

This is a nightmare. If I could show you this picture of this at Madlib, it's so blurry. Do you know people have paid good money to listen to this free podcast. Give us a verb. What is a verb again? You dumb bitch.

Like an action word. Yeah, remember I'm the one without an education. I have a seventh grade education. We're all like, wait, what's an adjective? Verb, hop. Is that an adjective? Verb, hop. Is that a verb? Yeah, hop. Get off my ass.

Get off, eat my ass. Noun, May. Another noun? Yeah. Gouda. Gouda, okay. Take a number. 88, my favorite one.

May an adjective. An adjective? Yeah. Whiny. Take a family member. Godmother. May another noun. Jockstrap.

Take a plural noun. Singers. And lastly, may a noun. Ooh. Who? You said it. All right. Now what?

Now what happens? Now we read it and we laugh. Now this story, this is a mad lib. Is it true? Is it a true story? It's based on a true story. Some of the names of our people have been changed to protect their identities, but this is called,

Oh My Thanksgiving Pie. Hold on to your ponties. I'm so excited. You ready? Yeah. Yeah, we're ready. One of the best parts of Thanksgiving is having pie for dessert. My favorites are brisket and secretary of state pie.

Though I know lots of people like butt plug pie and even fluffy water wings pie. My godfather makes their own pie crust using slippery jelly beans and mystery. And it tastes so sneaky. Ankle hops pies in the Gouda for 88 minutes and it comes out smelling whiny. I like to have godmother's jockstrap pie with vanilla singers on top or fresh whipped poo.

Mm. And I'm sorry, it's Godmother's what pie? Because I'm gonna make- Godmother's jockstrap pie. I'm making that a yearly tradition with my family. Yeah. Oh my God. You have to hop a pie in Gouda for 88 minutes to make it. That one was all recipes.

That was really, so good. What a mad lib. What a mad lib. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know how to check that you have your handsome coffee before you had to work. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

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To be honest, I realized I like being in control more. I'm so glad you got to participate. To be honest, I realized I like being in control more. We have discovered something. Well, the next time we do a Madlib, you're in charge, boss. I'm a Madlib dom. But for our handsome listeners, you're welcome. Mays and a dom.

Tigg and I, we're gonna be topped from the bottom. I'm not playing next time. Yeah, next time Tigg will go get a coffee. All right, well, I think the only thing left to do is go to our today's questionnaire. We teed that up perfectly. Today's questioners are a married couple who have brought you films like Thunder Force,

Life of the Party, and Tammy. One of them is Oscar nominated for her roles in Bridesmaids and Can You Ever Forgive Me? They have a new podcast called Hildy the Barback and the Lake of Fire in which Melissa stars as Hildy, an unlikely hero from the land of Golgraph. That sounds right up my street. I love that. Yeah, Hildy from Golgraph. That sounds right up my street. I love that.

Yeah, Hilde from Golgraph. I'm in. Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone are asking today's questions. Nice. Oh man, Melissa, I love Ben and Melissa. I've known Ben and Melissa both for many, many years from the Groundlings. Oh really?

Yeah, they were both in the main company and as I was coming up, I would watch them both in these shows at the theater. And then Melissa started doing Gilmore Girls and was really busy, but Ben started directing a bunch of shows and everyone that had him as a director just loved, loved, loved Ben, so obsessed. Was he a teacher too? He was a teacher too. And Melissa would come back and I remember she had a bunch of wigs and like,

my God, stage glasses and jewelry. And she's like, if anybody needs any of this, you know, and I was like, oh my God, because that stuff was so expensive. And so we were like, yes, this is awesome. And she would come watch shows and both are just so lovely, but so funny. Her role in Bridesmaids. I forgot that she got nominated for an Oscar for that, as she should. I just saw a clip of it where she meets Kristen Wiig

for the first time and Kristen Wiig goes, hey, how are you? And she goes, well, I'm on the mend. And it's just like, you know people like that who open. She's like, I took a hard violent fall off a cruise ship. So good. Oh, so good. I met her once, I was having dinner with Lisa Kudrow

and they know each other and they bumped into each other and I was like vibrating at the table. I couldn't speak, but she was so nice and funny and warm. Oh my God. She's the best. She is speechlessly funny. Good people, always just trying to make people laugh and do good things.

Haven't succeeded yet, but good luck to them. Still trying. Wish them the best. Hello, handsome. This is Melissa McCarthy. This is Ben Falco. We're so excited about our podcast. He'll be the bar back and a lake of fire. We're shamelessly plugging it.

We're so excited. So subtle. Well, yeah, but we also have a question. What is the trickiest Ben joke story? Something that you had to like work and rework, but you knew you knew it was there. You knew there was something to it. But you had to like battle it to the ground. That's just our neighbor who's building your house. Don't worry about it. That is so funny. A comedic bit that you had to work until you knew you were like the conviction that it was funny was so profound and

it just was not working. That's a great question. Wait, so, oh, I'm sorry, I missed that. And does it not ever work or does it finally work out? I think it finally works, right? Oh, okay, okay. Could do. Yeah. I feel like for myself, I've had so many of those.

I don't even know where to begin. Just that out on a ledge feeling where you're like, this is a real leap here. I had this concept of thinking it was really funny. You know, you of course see babies taking baths, but I thought it would be so funny to see an infant taking a shower. What?

Okay, talk us through it. Well, that's really it. There was like nothing funnier to me than opening a shower curtain and seeing a wobbly baby that doesn't even know, like can barely stand is in a shower taking. And being like a lot of it. But just being like, like, no, like really unstable,

wobbly, you know, because they can't really, they can't really stand or walk very well, but yet they're standing there taking a shower. To me, that concept was really funny. And I see it's really tickling both of you. Now has it, yeah, has it worked yet? Oh, it's long, long past. It was on my first album called Good One.

And- And they did it onto an album. Yeah, yeah, because I do an act out. I do an act out. Okay, the act out. And the crowd went wild. Well, I mean, I do it, it wasn't a tape special. It was years ago where it was just an audio album. But yeah, I really believed in this bit

and then I act out the awkward, unstable infant actually showering. And then I act out the awkward unstable infant actually showering. Well, that part's probably funny, which it's a shame it's on an audio. I'm like seeing you wobble as an infant. As an infant. I wish I could see it in your mind. See how you're like,

see the infant in the shower in your mind, because I bet it's like the specific shower and the specific wobble. Well, and also just seeing the little fat baby thighs and legs and the creases of fat on an infant, it's just so cute to picture that little unstable, chubby body with, in the bit I say with stupid little two inch feet.

So like you have barely anything to stand on to support that body. You know? Stupid little two inch feet I like as a phrase a lot. Yeah. I like the idea of seeing infants in incongruous situations like a baby in a suit working in an office, that's good to me.

Well yeah, and that's what begins the day, is the infant takes a shower. Right, right, right, okay, okay, yeah, I'm with you. So anyway, it took me a while to get that, but that's the fun of it all. As a comedian, you're trying, you have your ideas and your concepts, your jokes, your thoughts and feelings, and then you have to, when they're a little weird like that,

you got to get the masses on board. You have to get that to translate. That's such a fun leap. I can think of two small things. One was when we were making Feel Good. In my head, it was really funny that my roommate was, he's from LA, but he always says he's from Hollywood. And then that my British girlfriend gets really shy every time she says the word Hollywood.

Like she thinks she can't, she's not allowed to say it even. And so she's, no one liked it. The crew didn't like it, the director didn't get it. Why it was funny. The actors were like, where's the joke here? And the line was just her going, well, you'd understand Phil, because you're from, and then him going, you can say it, Hollywood. No one thought it was funny, but I was like, that's funny. A British person being shy to say Hollywood. I don't know. Well, it must be very directed to some sort of feeling

or thought that you have around Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Which is what? Maybe it's like embarrassing to say, like you would never say like I live in Tinseltown. Like, yeah, you would say I live in Los Angeles, you know. I say the biz. The biz, okay.

Someone asked me at Bloomingdale the other day where I, what I did for a living and I said, I work in the biz. Oh my God. And they were like, what biz? They had no say. Not one follow up question. They're like, I'm dealing with a crazy person.

My friend, when I moved to LA with some childhood friends and like maybe two days after we got to LA, my friend Leslie goes to order a pizza for us. And she's on the phone with the person taking the order. This is how long ago it was that we moved, that you actually call and talk to a person to order a pizza. And don't you do it all online now? And ask.

Yeah, except for some Thai places. So Leslie calls to order us a pizza, and then the woman asks what Leslie's address is, and what part of town she's in, that's what it was. And Leslie goes, and she earnestly felt this way, like, oh, she goes, Hollywood? Because we had only lived in town like three days and to her it was just like, whoa, we live here.

Hollywood. The other one is this standup bit I was doing pretty recently, like a couple of years ago about bees communicating through the power of dance and things. I was doing this bit in England and it was like, I was like, this is like a really well-structured joke and it was always bombing, like just, there'd be sort of chuckles and I was like, this is like a really well-structured joke and it was always bombing, like just these sort of chuckles.

I was like, what's going on? And then finally someone shouted out, that's an Eddie Izzard bit. And I was like, what? And then it was a bit that I have seen from one of his specialists that I loved when I was about 13, 14. And my brain just, it was almost verbatim.

Yeah. Wow. It was really scary. Cause I was like, fuck, I could like, yeah, I fully stole it without knowing and I was like, oh my God, this just came to me so fully formed. This is like, it's wild. I was so embarrassed. I was like, thank you for saying something. Finally, like what must people think?

She is so famous in the UK. What is the bit? I'm looking for new material. Yeah, because I don't know this bit. Yeah, but I need a closer for my new hour. You got to try the bee bit. Try Eddie's bee bit. It's just that bees communicate through dance and I can't remember what, oh yeah.

And then how depressing it would be if they have to communicate something sad and they're like, oh, Steven died or whatever. I don't know, because they do communicate through dance. Did you know that? I did not know that. Well, I had heard it through Eddie. How embarrassing though, like what if Eddie got wind that I was just verbatim doing this bit? Doing this bit, yeah.

Oh God, isn't that terrifying when you don't know if, like we don't know if we steal something. I mean that is, so much stuff is coming in and out of people's ears and eyes these days that you are like, is this a unique thought or did I hear this? But that's why it's always like helpful when you use personal stories because, you know.

You know what, I learned my lesson because that's like one of the only observational bits I've ever done. And I was like, oh wow, it's also from one of my favorite comedians from one of my favorite specials. Like how is my brain just corroded and Swiss cheese? Like I'm pretty sure, I would be a little suspicious if you told me somebody was out there doing

like a 15 minute long Taylor Dane bit. Completely. Oh, you know. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Something to tell you. What is it? Is it something about bees? No, I've been doing a 15 minute Taylor Dane bit

and it's crushing. I guess I have two, two ones. One was a standup thing and one was a groundlings thing. And the standup one was now it's a bit that people often shout for me to do, but it took me a long time to figure out how to make it funny. Um, but it started by me doing a, I was doing a show in my home, uh, Charlotte, which is 30 minutes from my hometown. And someone in the audience was just like, remember when you were on the swim team? And I was like, I do

remember that. And that was it. And I was like, yeah, I was on the swim team and I wasn't very good. And they were like, yeah, you weren't very good and they're like yeah you weren't very good and I was like okay calm down and it made me remember that when I joined the swim team I didn't know how to do the butterfly so I would run across the pool and do the motions of the butterfly with my hands but your feet were walking on the bottom? My feet were walking. Absolutely. And so they liked the visual, they thought that was funny,

but then I didn't know. I go, that's it, I don't know, you know, what else to tell you about that. And I kept being like, there's something to that. Like, that is funny, a funny visual. A kid can't swim, so they're running across the pool trying to do the butterfly with their hands, but I could not for like two years figure out

how to turn it into a story. And I just, I was like, I'm not giving up on this story. And I just kinda kept adding like a sentence at a time of just like, I'm gonna keep telling this like boring story until I can build it better. And then now, and then at the end of that like two and a half year tour,

it was one of my best bits. I love that. Yeah. You did it. I did it. You never know. We did it. We did it. And then know. We did it. We did it.

And then the groundlings one was I Would always start with a wig that I thought was funny and I was like, oh this is short gray-haired wig is kind of like I'm in I like my idea of this and I a sparkle jacket and I was like I'm gonna basic character just around this like And I was like, I'm in a basic character just around this outfit. And so I came up with a lounge singer. The Lord, the Lord. And I was like, I don't know if this is, like, could not. I was just like, I know this is a funny look and a funny costume,

but I don't know what she does other than she's a lounge singer. So I finally, I would kind of do it and there was like not much to it. Cause just seeing a woman like that thing is kind of like, well, okay, but what, what about that is funny besides she just looks funny. So then I started, then I came up with a thing where she has a signature cocktail and, uh, I would say, hello, my name's Tita Martin. I have a sunrise sunset signature cocktail named after me, Tita Martin. Then I would play piano.

And then, so the bit became over time that she would sing and then stop herself to say, I noticed nobody ordered my Tina Martin Sunrise Sunset Ginger Cocktail. That's okay. We've got time. And I would just keep coming back to this cocktail. And I go, and I would say, well, maybe you need to know what's in it. And I'd be like, gin, vodka, tequila, Sprite, cranberry juice, pomegranate seeds, and a whole banana. So it just became this stupid bit, but it ended up being funny, but by a lot of trial and error. I would like to see it when it was just singing.

Just singing the song straight up. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. And that was it. You know what I would have done with her? What? Since she was a lounge singer, I would have made her always lounging around. Oh, yeah, that's funny.

Just like when she's singing as a lounge singer, but then when she's off stage, man, she is just lounging in the chairs, in the boobs, backstage, just lounging. Like you can't stop this woman from lounging around. I have a character that nobody likes as well. Ooh, let's hear it. Yeah, let's hear it.

A character that nobody likes. It's basically a standup comedian who after every punchline, their bit is, or their like catchphrase I guess is they yawn as if they're bored. So they go, uh, and that's why they call it fair play. After every punchline, they go, I like it. Thanks. Yeah.

I remember the first time I was doing TV, doing standup on TV. I was backstage getting ready to be called out and I just started yawning. I got so tired and the producer was like, are you really this tired? And I was like, I don't, I think, I don't know what's happening, but people told me later that that can happen with nerves. Yeah. That like you just kind of shut down. I used to yawn in doctor's offices a lot,

you know, cause I'd be nervous. Yeah. But then would you ever have an observation that you think is universal and then it bombs? All the time. Yeah. Like, do you think that the only food that gets stuck in your kind of nasal cavity is carrot?

Like when you're chewing a carrot and a little piece of carrot just flies up into your nasal cavity? Oh God. That doesn't happen with any other food. Thomas is mine. I've never had that happen. I haven't either. Are you serious?

No. Thomas, are you with me? Two against one, if not three against one. I kinda know what you're saying. Yes. I don't think he does. Maybe it's a Canadian thing with your duct tape. It's a duct tape thing, but yeah.

You've never had that thing where you're like, I think a bit of carrot is stuck in my nose. I can't say no enough times. Yeah, I'm gonna go with my original answer of no. Never happened. I do love carrots. Well, answer of no, never happened. I do love carrots. Well let us know if you agree. Yeah, me too, except I don't like the risk,

so I'm gonna get a, and no other food does that to me. Interesting. Anyways, well, that's the end of this episode. Let's hear Melissa and Ben's answer. All right, right. I love their outfits, by the way. You'll have to go to YouTube to see these. I know mine is, was in the boss.

There was one really long joke that my brain was ahead of my mouth. And I kept saying, I know it, I know it, I can't, but I couldn't say it. And I kept like stuttering, stammering, it took like eight or nine times, but it's all about these badges and women being underappreciated and all this crazy stuff.

And finally, finally it worked out and I just remember feeling like I'd done a man. Finally, the elixir of profanity was just perfect. Say, I'd stay out of your way too, why don't you do it? Hey. A lot of time work. She just added profanity, is that what she said? Their neighbor's construction was getting in the way

of their punchline. It's hard to imagine, I think that, you know, when somebody is just so outrageously funny as Melissa McCarthy. It is hard to be like, you struggled with anything? Yeah. Anything? Like anything.

It seems impossible. It's like funny just runs through her bones. It's so crazy. And was she saying it was a long phrase about women being underappreciated? Yeah, I'm into it. I love it. Do you ever bomb with your kids, Tig?

Where you really- All the time. That's the only thing I do is bomb with them. Oh, that's so good. When you really go out on a limb with something bold. Oh my God, that's my entire relationship with them. They look at me like I am the most annoying loser who shares a house with them. And I push, like every part of my personality

as a comedian disappears when I'm around them. And oh my God, I push so hard. I am so desperate. I will win them over. Oh my God, that's so good. I'm like, I try so hard. I- So none of that dry, it's all like, hello, my darling.

Yeah. Hello, my darling. I love you, Jesus. You go to treasure chest of props. Yeah. Perfect. And treasure chest of props. Yeah, hey, and I'm just disturbing them. God, that's so funny. Yeah, it's really wild. When they're gonna be like, you're a professional comedian?

Yeah, yeah, but I have to remind myself to just take a deep breath, chill out, just act normal. If you build it, they will come. Yeah, it's it's so interesting to see that side of me come out because it doesn't come out with anybody else aside from them. I want them to think I'm the funniest person and I don't trust myself. I don't trust that they will know that just by me being myself. But yet I trust it as I tour the world with strangers.

That's amazing. What a podcast. Yeah, what a podcast. I would like to say, mark your calendars. December 3rd, my Netflix special, Crushing It, is premiering and I'm super pumped. I'm in a pink suit. Yes, I was gonna say, you teased that you were really happy

with your outfit for it and I didn't know what it was and I sort of in my mind thought suit, it's electric, it's beautiful, uplifting, pink. It's so beautiful. I'm so proud of this one. It's my third Netflix special. I just want people to watch it and enjoy it. So I'll remind you on that week of, but yeah.

Well, mark your calendars. I'm sure people are gonna watch it and enjoy it. And I cannot wait to see you looking handsome. Thank you. I'm still out in Toronto filming Star Trek and will be through February. So check my website. I am doing two to three shows a week at Comedy Bar

working on new material. I mean, I basically live there. So check that out. And then I have, you know, sporadic dates here and there. You can come see me at Largo on December 4th and Stephanie Allen will be doing improv and I'm gonna try and get her to do a free form prayer. You have to.

I really can imagine it. I really want to. That is funny. And I've got great surprise guests. It's gonna be super fun. And yeah, I'll be riding high off watching Fortune Special. Yeah. Probably doing some of your jokes for beta.

Please. I have a whole new tour starting. I think it goes up on sale this week. So check out my Instagram for all those dates subscribe to the podcast and subscribe to our YouTube channel that way you're not going to miss any biggie appearances right um you're not going to miss anybody going sexy viral af or AF or whatever. But yeah, thanks for listening and until next time, I mean, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com.

Follow us on social media at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. Handsome's the audio version of my comedy special Hello Again is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to tignotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know how to check the weather before you go sailing. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets.

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