Handsome - Paul Simon & Edie Brickell ask about love

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Handsome celebrates love in all its forms with a question from the loveliest couple in all of music-- Edie Brickell and Paul Simon! Plus Handsome valentines, Handsome tattoos, and an appearance from Handsome Biggie!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check you got fresh blueberries to mix in with your morning oatmeal. It just tastes better that way. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US only. Savings vary, terms apply. All state fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hi, handsome listeners. It's May Martin here. I am doing four tour shows to promote my new earnest music album called I'm a TV. They're going to be super fun on the 26th of February

at the Regent Theater in LA, the 1st of March at Danforth Music Hall in Toronto, 4th of March at the Gramercy in New York, and the ninth of March at the Forum in Kentish Town in London. Go to maymartinmusic.com and you can get tickets. I'm doing meet and greets. It's gonna be super fun. See you there.

This is a HeadGum podcast. Handsome pot. Chattin' with friends on the handsome pot. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. Hey. Hi.

Hello there. Your handsome host, Fortune Feimster. And I am your other handsome host, Tignotaro. And finally, I'm your other one, May Martin. Woo! Together again, together again, in the time of love. Guess what's around the corner? Oh, V- to be at my Valentine. Oh my God. I don't know if this is the curve ball. Oh, your t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Just to bring up bad memories.

If you're trying to get me to be your Valentine, this is not the way. By reminding me of the greatest injustice of my life this far. The Atlantis saga. No, you look very, I like the hat. I like the look. This is not the way, by reminding me of the greatest injustice of my life this far. The Atlantis saga. No, you look very, I like the hat, I like the look. Thank you. In school, did you used to have to give a Valentine to everyone in your class? Yeah.

I think in elementary, maybe early days. Those were the days. And then when I got to junior high, it was like you could have Valentine's bought for you. Like the student government would sell like a candy bouquet or something. Oh my God. And wait, you buy your own?

It's like for charity or something? You're supposed to buy them for whoever you have a crush on. Oh my God, so they'd be like delivered to the classroom? Let's just say somebody didn't have any candy. Oh no. Did you buy them for other people? I think you would only buy them if you had a crush or you were actually boyfriend and girlfriend with someone.

Oh my gosh. But did you have a crush on somebody? Probably, but I couldn't be sending it to old Angela or whoever. Old Angela. But didn't you have crushes on boys at that age? I did, yeah. That's for you. That's for you, Taylor.

I can't stop thinking about you, Christopher. I would have sent them to my teachers. I did have crushes on teachers. Big time. Yeah. Uh, quite, uh, especially in seventh grade and she was so cute. Did you send her a bouquet? No, I think I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she was like, that's

personal information. Did you send her boyfriend a wreath on Valentine's Day? Did you send her boyfriend a death threat? Yeah, I was like, stay away from a woman. What are you guys gonna do for Valentine's Day? Do you usually do a thing? Is it a thing in your house? It's not much of a thing in my house.

What about you, Tig? Stephanie and I had our first kiss on Valentine's day. Oh my god. So you recreate that? We have so many anniversaries. We have our first kiss anniversary, which is Valentine's Day. And then when we got together, and then when we got married. So we have three that we kind of celebrate. Well, at least one falls on a love holiday. Yeah, yeah. But we've had such weird luck with

spending Valentine's Day together. But this Christmas we said, let's not get each other anything and let's have a special experience. Yeah. And so we're going to go away and maybe it'll be around Valentine's Day, but I'm not quite sure. But I'm going to go to a horror escape room. That's right. We typically just go out to eat and there's probably flowers or something. And then, but I think maybe this year we're gonna go have a weekend together. That sounds really nice.

Yeah. Jack's birthday falls right before Valentine's. So it's kind of hard. It's like, do we do something bigger for the birthday or for your Valentine's? When is her birthday? The second. Oh, okay.

Have you guys ever done or been in a hotel that's done the, or is it a myth that anyone does this, the rose petals thing? Where like- I have been in that situation. I've done it twice. What? One was when I proposed and asked the hotel, I paid the hotel to put rose petals around the room. Oh my God.

I talk about it in my Good Fortune special. Oh my God. We go into the room and the rose petals have been just strewn about in the most crazy frantic way. Like they got a leaf blower. Oh my God. And just like vroom all over the room. And the rose petals were white. I always anticipated red, right?

White is insane. White is like death. It looks like the duvet burst, like the comforter burst. And a lot of the rose petals were dead. Oh my God, no. So it was a very jarring... Did you laugh when you saw it or were you like... I was more in shock because the room was like weirdly lit and I had asked for like,

I was trying to do that bachelor type like, you know, candles and a fireplace and chocolate covered strawberries and champagne and rose petals and whoever did it just was... Had never been romantically involved with anyone. I didn't know they couldn't use real candles because of fire hazards, I totally understand. But it was like a lot of the battery operated tea light and they were all half dead. Oh my God, that LED glow just sputtering. So just had this weird dim light. They did start the fire, which was very nice,

but they put the chocolate covered strawberries right in front of the fireplace. So they were just dripping, like chocolate was dripping onto the floor. So, and it was all meant to be a surprise, like were you gonna propose in the room? Yeah, that's where I was proposing that. I was, while I was at dinner,

I paid them to set the room up, romantically. And- Because when you go in, if you see the red roses, the champagne, the thing, the candles, you know right away, and Jax is going, oh my God, what is happening? She's going, what is? Yeah, going, oh my God, what is happening? She's going, what is? Yeah, you go in and go, what is happening?

In hindsight, I probably should have just not proposed that night and just chalked it up to a weird night and saved it for another time. But I'm a type of person that once I have something in my head, like we're doing this. Me too. I've gotta make it work. Yeah.

Obviously we were pumped and the next morning we woke up and we're so happy, but like that night we were just like, what is this? That's a good story though, that's a good bonding. It was fun in hindsight. And then we went to a very nice hotel in Mexico, not for any anniversary or anything. And we got back from dinner one night and they took it upon themselves to put rose petals everywhere on our bed.

They made a bath for us and we were laughing like, what if we were just friends? We came back to that. That's so funny. You guys have not done the rose petals? I don't think I've ever had a rose. I sort of thought it was just in movies. Yeah, so I'm glad to hear it's a real thing. Stephanie does rose petals for Max and Finn on Valentine's Day because they get little candies and flowers and stuff.

And she does the rose petals down, like leading from their bedrooms down the stairs to their little candies and stuff. Yeah. So that's- I love how for kids, I mean, and it should be like this anyway for adults, but like for kids, Valentine's Day

is just about love as a thing, love as a force in the world, love for your pets and your family. And that's how it should be so that single people don't feel sad as they remember. Not getting a candy bouquet. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll report back on my Valentine's Day. It's up in the air, but I'd like to do something weird.

Like freaky deaky or like escape room? Oh yeah, maybe freaky deaky. Maybe, yeah, I got a lot of love to give, so maybe I'll do that. Oh, so like an orgy. I mean, it's been a while. A threesome? Maybe it's time to resurrect the orgy era. Or if you don't wanna go that many people,

because some people might be with their loved ones, it could be a smaller. How big is too big for an orgy? I am sorry, I can't make the orgy tonight. I'm taking my grandmother out to dinner. Yeah, or I'm gonna be with my actual loved ones. I've only had those types of experiences when it's spontaneous.

And so, I don't know, I've never like sent out an invite. Oh, you've never had an e-vite one. An e-vite, I'll do an e-vite. How many is too many? I don't think there's a limit. Have you ever been in an orgy where you looked around and you were like, oh my gosh. Kick someone out. You're like, I do not want to touch this person or this person and I do not want them touching me. No, I have not. Because it's at a certain point, I mean, you find your faves within the group for sure.

Sure, sure. But it's more about the overall experience than the individuals. It's like if you squint and blur your eyes. I haven't had a ton of orgy. Okay, but let's say, okay, if you were in an orgy. You had one more than me, which is none. Now, if you're having an orgy and then you notice there is one person that just is on your tail and you're just like, okay. Yeah, like thirsty.

It was fine, but you're moving on, but they're like. I will say that there was one, look, I've only had three or four. That's a lot. But there was one where this, it was sort of like spontaneously happening, and then this woman said, we were like, are you involved? And it was like, okay, this is happening.

So anyone who doesn't wanna be involved, feel free to leave the room. Feel free to go into the kitchen or leave. Exactly, get a snack. But she was like- This is time for a bathroom break. Yeah, and she was like, I don't think I'm gonna participate but I'll just be on the bed and I'll pass people water

and lube and I'll be like, I'll just like be- That's a great position. It was honestly amazing. Cause she was like turned on by it and I'll be like, I'll just like be. That's a great position. It was honestly amazing. And cause she was like turned on by it and wanted to be. And I think she eventually did get involved, but it was kind of amazing. It was like. At some point she plugged the cooter.

Oh my God. Origen Marie. Origen Marie, we did not, we were not taking it that far. All right. Plugging a cooter, it's not, it that far, okay? All right. Plugging a cooter, it's not, people are going, are there any cooters unplugged right now? Like this. Oh my God.

I have a question. Yeah. Is one person in charge of the guest list or do some people go rogue? Like they're like, well, I invited my friend. Oh yeah, ran into somebody at the grocery store. We don't know about Cindy. I've never had a planned one.

It's only happened when spontaneously I instigated it. Because I'm like, oh, this group is all attractive. You can feel the vibe. I can feel the vibe, everyone's sort of, and then what happened was it happened once and then it was like in the air that it could happen again. So those people would sort of, like if I had a party, it was like, they wouldn't show up. Do that thing again.

Yeah. I went to a party of yours wondering if that was going to happen. And I waited around for a long time and then I got tired. Oh my God. I waited around for a long time and then I got tired. Oh my God. Wait, was Fortune the one you were waiting for her to leave? So you could... Oh. No, if anything once Fortune left,

the orgy was off the table. Geez. No, nothing happened at that party. Yeah, I don't think anything did. See, May, I just picture you in that pile of people, and then you're like, get off of me, just like trying to kick someone off of you. Like, get, get!

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Blue Nile, the original online jeweler. Go to bluenile.com today. That's bluenile.com. Yeah, this is too public for me. Yeah. I can't do it. So when you're single, the free love is really fun, right? But when you get into a relationship, are you more of a one-on-one kind of person? I'm a constantly evolving, I think it's so situation dependent. I, yeah, it really depends. I think at the moment I'm like, I don't ask, don't tell, but like I want like a primary partner, you know, where I'm like

building something with that person, but I have a fluid definition of monogamy, but I don't need to know about it. And so the person you are monogamous or that you is your special person, your main squeeze, you don't ask, don't tell like they can hook up but you maybe don't wanna hear about it. Yeah, like I'm just like shit happens. And if, you know, I don't want someone on their deathbed to be like, God, I wish I slept with that.

I think I've said this, my example is always like a sailor in Portugal. Like if you're in Portugal and there's a sailor and you get that like burning feeling where you're like, I'm so turned on. I'm like, I don't wanna, just don't tell me. Like if it means nothing. But it sounds like it's just sexual,

not like a full on other relationship. Well, I don't know. I mean, it's all up for, as long as I know I'm prioritizing, I feel safe, but that trust is built, right? Like I think it would take- I can't handle that emotional stuff. Yeah, it's tough.

Yeah, yeah, so I don't know. I don't know. I'm very traditional. I think I'm old school. In what way? Just like you have one person, you get married, that kind of, yeah. Yeah, that's a beautiful thing as well. I definitely, it's so situational.

I could definitely end up, I mean, I have felt that before, so I'm sure I could again. But life is weird. Life is weird. Yeah, I mean, I've probably talked about it a million times, but I didn't imagine myself in a long-term committed marriage or relationship much less a marriage. Yeah. But it's turned out to be, I mean, of course, there's so many great things, but also so many difficult things that have allowed me to get to know myself and allowed me to get to know Stephanie so much better. And coming through the hard stuff together is like, I remember our therapist telling us at one point that like, you know, it can feel like your honeymoon all over again

when you get through those really tough times. And it was so hard to comprehend that. Oh my God, you build this rich, like the depth of feeling. And part, I've been listening to, have you heard about LetThem? Yes. I'm obsessed with LetThem right now. I just listened to her on Glennon Doyle's podcast

and yeah, I think what I liked about it is like so much of our stress and inner conflict comes from focusing on things that we can't control because you can't control other people's behavior. So when you're so attached to the outcome of someone else's behavior and what they do, but it's, yeah, you're setting yourself up to be feeling out of control and anxious, but you really can control your own

actions and boundaries and behavior. So you can like... It's hard a lot of times. Oh my God. It's so hard. It's so hard. It's so hard. It's so hard. I can imagine, especially with kids, I can imagine like letting them, I mean, on Glennon's podcast they were talking about like, yeah, if your kid's struggling in school and or going through a hard time like how do you,

how do you let them? It's like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you, and it's like of course you want to put up all the safety nets around your kids, but there are those moments that, where you do have to, it's like just max and finn get along really well but they have those bursts of arguments and you cheated and this is mine and blah blah blah and and we let them you know if it escalates and somebody gets hurt which it you know it's not like they're beating each other, but sometimes they'll start out wrestling and then it gets a little too wrestle-y. But as long as they're okay and nobody's hurt and they're just arguing and dealing with

whatever's in front of their faces, we let them. Yeah, because they're learning from that. And we'll be sitting on the couch talking and having coffee and we hear them in the background and we're like, let them. Yeah, we just let them. And if it crosses a boundary in some way that's not good or safe, we intervene.

But yeah, with kids, with spouses, with family members, co-workers, any of that, it's such a delicate balance. Yeah, and like no one likes to feel controlled and it's so often coming from a place of care or fear or but like, yeah, it is kind of liberating to, yeah. My friend had recommended that book and then I went on for New Year's to Mexico and a woman in front of me had a tattoo that said, let them and I was like, okay, I'll read the book.

Yeah. Oh my God, I just went pee before this and I went on Instagram and on the handsome thing, someone's tagged us, someone just got a tattoo that says, okay, dyke. What? Yes. What? Someone just got a tattoo on their tattoo that says, okay, Dyke. What? Yes. What?

Someone just got a tattoo on their thigh that says, okay, Dyke. That's weird. Can you send me that? I can't wait to show Stephanie. Your poetic words. Also, are they saying that to themselves? Like when they read it, I just love it.

Yeah, I'd be very curious. It is a form of acceptance, right? Yeah. Okay, Dyke. Oh yeah, yeah, cause when Stephanie rejected me. That was let them, that was a perfect example and that's what made her come running right to you.

Cause you were like. And that was, it was such a bummer cause I loved hanging out with her, we laughed so much. And after our makeout, when she's like, yeah, no, never dated a woman, not going to happen. I remember I sat back and I was like, God. Yeah. And the temptation, because it triggers your inner child.

The temptation is to be like, I feel hurt, I feel this. I'm like, you're doing this to me. And that only ever makes, you know, triggers the other person. Or to even try to pursue her more. It's like, I couldn't, I didn't, I couldn't. I had to just step back and say, okay, Dyke. But yeah, it is, that is a funny,

that is a funny full circle thing in this conversation of Okay Dyke being let them. But it was hard and I didn't think in a million years that she was gonna come back and say, I actually wanna be with you. Yeah, so how long did it take her to respond to Okay Dyke? Well, she didn't respond, like when she wrote me her 10 million page email saying,

you know, I've never been with a woman. I'm not gay. I can't be with you, but I care about you. Yeah. And then so I responded to that with OK Dike. And that's all I wrote. And then she didn't write back to that. We just went about our lives and, you you know and we're friendly and kept in touch or whatever and I just told her you know I think I need us a bit of space to kind of see her differently and that I felt like I'd be able to in time. Yeah. And then in that time she told me when she read Okay Dyke that she was

like oh I really like her. Yeah. But it was still just a growing thing between us. And then when we I was in Montreal doing shows and she said, I'd like to see you when you come home. So did you did your stomach get all butterfly? Well, I was scared. I was I was with a friend of mine. I said, wait, Stephanie just said she wants to see me when I get home. And he was like, oh, yeah, she probably wants to be with you. And I was like, no.

I said, no, she already told me she didn't. And he was like, so what? You think she's like, I want to see you when you get home so I can confirm that I don't want to be with you? Yeah, just to tell you again. I don't know, maybe. I was so like, there's no don't want to be with you. Yeah, just sort of tell you again. I don't know, maybe. I was so like, there's no world. She wants to be with me.

Yeah. But yeah, she came over. And I remember I was like, I had a loft in downtown. I was like getting my loft ready. And I was like trying to pull myself together. And I was like, oh my god. I think I was on the phone with Kate Mccoochie. I was like, OK, she just called, she's on her way.

She's coming up the elevator and Kate was like, let me know how it goes. And then of course I opened the door, I was like, hey, how's it going? And you know, I had been in a complete spiral. Complete spiral. And she did, she came and she just sat down next to me and so confidently just said,

I want to be with you. Oh my God. I'm done. A movie. Yeah. It is like a movie. And I was like, what? You want to be with me?

Oh my God. Okay, Dyke. Yeah. I should, I should write a movie called Okay, Dyke. Yeah. When I've posted it on Instagram, it won't let me because of Okay Dyke. Oh, the words. Yeah.

These days it might with. We're bringing it back. Anything goes now, right? Yeah, Mark Zuckerberg's. Right. Anyways. Anyway, so yeah, let them. Okay, Dyke.

Okay, Dyke, let him. Yeah. We should get Mel Robbins on here. I would love that. I've never met her. I haven't either, but I mean, you know. She's all over my TikTok. Same place.

She's everywhere right now. Truly everywhere. Her book is, I think, pretty huge because it is empowering people in a way. I think that people needed it, you know, because when, you know, obviously two people have different needs or different ways of handling things, you feel so lost and like, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle this. So there was something, I could even see

what you said at May, like you felt kind of free from a burden, you know, when you say it. All of us have relationships, whether it's your parents or your friends, that relationships that you wish were different and you wish the person was different, even though you love them and you're like, if they do this thing, I wish,

and yeah, that takes up so much mental energy. Also, by the way, in case somebody is only hearing our podcast for the first time, what I didn't add in the story was, maybe I mentioned it, but that Stephanie and I had made out. Yes, yeah, no, you did. Yeah, you had your make out. Yeah, we had our hot, passionate make out. And then she wrote me the long email. If I didn't mention that, then me just calling her a dyke would seem a little hot. Anyway, just wanted to clarify that.

Love is complicated. Relationships are complicated, but man. It's also the, but it's so worth it. It's the best thing in the world. And you try and figure it out and hopefully you do, but if you don't, you let them. Yeah. Then you let them. Yeah.

And speaking of romance and love and things of that nature, we have question askers today because this is this is Valentine's week, right? Yeah. This is coming out. And I mean, I mean, our askers today, I mean, are both iconic Grammy winning musicians. They're also a married couple and their names just happen to be Edie Burkell and Paul Simon and they are asking today's question. How lucky are we? How did we get them? Well I have to say I grew up a big fan of Paul Simon and then Edie Burkell, of course, came along years after. I went through a really rough time in my childhood and Edie Burkell's album, Shooting

Rubber Bands at the Stars, is, you know, when people come up to us now and say, gosh, your comedy got me through, or your book got me through, or your show, or whatever. I know for myself, I'll be like, oh, thanks, glad to hear it, and I don't fully take it in. When I really think about what her album did for me, it saved my life. And when I got my podcast Don't ask TIG the one my old podcast, you know

It was trying to help people and of course, I'm a comedian. So a lot of it is silly Advice, but other times I really tried to give them my best and I thought how great the producers had a small budget for music. And I thought, gosh, I don't know Edie Brichel. I didn't know Edie Brichel. And I thought how amazing if I could get her to sing my theme song. Um, because she helped me so much. And then the producers call and they're like, she's on board.

And then next thing I know, I was on a call with her and I was like, I did not think this was going to happen in a million years. You don't get if you don't ask, right? Yeah. And so she did it. And then we have remained in contact so regularly. And I was telling her the other day, I said, you are like, I can't remember what I said,

something like the best friend I've never even met. Cause everything has been over email and that kind of communication hasn't been in person, but they've offered us, you know, their Yankees tickets or to come stay at their house in Austin, checking on us in the fires and just really, really... Like old school pen pals where you get really close. Truly, truly.

We should make this meeting happen though. That's really cool. Oh yeah, I would love it. But yeah, so that's how this came about. So I was like, hey guys, guys, I can't believe it. Throw me a bone. Let's hear their question. Yes.

Hello. Hello. Well, handsome. Oh, and our question is, what is something you always love about your partner? They're so cute. Oh my gosh. I like that they seem to have a lot of joy around each other. Yeah.

And that's kind of at the heart of it, right? It's a bit laughing. I bet they've had their tough times too. No, I don't think so. How'd they meet? I'm just kidding. How'd they meet? How?

She was the musical guest on SNL and he was the host. No way. And I remember reading an article that she said that their kids can go back and look at that episode. Oh my God. And there is the moment that she said she glanced to the side of the stage and saw him standing there.

And that was the first time they made eye contact. And they were both like, hello. Wow. And she said that their kids can see the moment that their parents had love at first sight. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, that's incredible.

I rewatched The Graduate the other day and I thought it would be 30% less good as a movie without that soundtrack. For sure. It's like Harold and Maude without Kat Stevens. I mean, come on. Come on now. without that soundtrack. For sure. It's like Harold and Maude without Kat Stevens. I mean, come on. Come on now.

And I'm realizing, I don't want you to be- That I'm single? Yeah, I think you're single. Oh my God, your face just filled with so much empathy for me. What I'm realizing. And I'm realizing. My dermatologist is amazing. And I'm realizing...

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and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash handsome. No, I can speak theoretically. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What do you like in a partner? I gotta say it's it is laughing. It's like, yeah, you're going to be dead soon. So you got to be able to have a laugh. It's so such a turn on for me. And I think not for everyone. Some people prefer to like really connect intellectually or to have like a thing that to me it's, it's a, you got to laugh. And how perfect that Edie and Paul were laughing in their question. I know it was so, it was so nice. And I guess, well, I don't know,

I guess when you're younger, you value chemistry above all things. And then as you get older, values become more important and what you want for your life and that kind of thing. That's a boring answer, but definitely laughter. I wanna be cry laughing. But your priorities definitely shift, right? As you get older, what once was appealing to you

as a younger person is not as appealing as you get older. Yeah, I want peace, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a specific thing you're talking about, Fortune, that appealed to you younger that... I may have just touched on it. When you're younger, you're willing to put up with a little more chaos. Right. And I, you're younger, you're willing to put up with a little more chaos.

Right. And I, you know, cause you're dating the people that are just meant to sort of be around temporarily or, you know, you're trying different things on for size. And so you're kind of willing to put up with that, like, um, unknown stuff and them these big passionate fights, but that are like toxic, you know? Uh-huh. Right. And you're on edge. At least that was my experience with not every one I had, but some, you know? And you're just, you just chalk it up to this is passion and this is, you know, I feel alive. I feel like, you're just highly anxious.

Yeah, yeah. I feel alive. No, you're highly anxious. Yeah. And it doesn't feel good at a certain point where you're like, I don't want this feeling all the time. Peace is very important to me. May just mention that. Yeah, my parents were good friends now, but they divorced when I was 12. I never saw them happy with each other. I never saw the love there. And so it created a very toxic environment, like chaos and fighting and heaviness. So I made a very conscious decision as a kid,

even, I would say it, and it was subconscious too, where I was like, I will have peace in my adult life. Hopefully with someone, that's my goal, but if I have to be alone, that will be what it is too. Because peace was so important to me. So yeah, as I got older, finding someone who aligned with that feeling was important to me. Yeah, Tate, what about you?

Well, I mean, I feel like just a flat out copycat because gosh, peace and laughter. I don't know what else you could possibly, I mean, sure, throw an attractive head on the body, but. Just the head. I mean, yeah, all of that stuff is great, but like as far as being attractive, I mean, luckily, I do find my wife to be absolutely gorgeous and hilarious.

You got to start there. Yeah. Yeah. But she didn't stick out to me when we played love interests in a movie. And I certainly didn't stick out to her because she hadn't dated a woman. So it wasn't instantaneous for us. It was instantaneous in that we really enjoyed

working together and had such a nice time on set. But I didn't walk away thinking, well, that's my wife. Right. I would have been so confused if, well, that's my wife. Right. I would have been so confused if somebody told me that was my wife. I would have been baffled. Yeah. The laughter thing kind of comes back

to a friendship as well. Like it's so easy to forget that this is, you have to be friends with your partner. And we give so much more grace to our friends sometimes than our partners. And we let our friends make mistakes and evolve. Because we're not as attached to their choices don't affect our life as much. And they don't trigger that panic. And yeah, so I think remembering and sometimes thinking, how would I treat my friend if they were? Yeah, that's definitely an interesting thing to think about.

And I know I've had to, in my nearly 12 years with know, where we had to acknowledge things have changed or things are, yeah, well, I'm not into that or that now, you know, peace out. Whereas, you know, with her, it's like, okay, I'm listening and yeah, I see how I fell short there. I see how I was maybe not considering you, not even maybe, like, yeah, I didn't consider you. And that's because I wasn't used to being in a marriage or a relationship. And so I miss that.

And it's hard. And then not just, yeah, I miss that, but I need to change. I need to change. And I'm going to change. I need to change and I'm gonna change and I'm sorry. You know? Yeah, and I mean, I loved what you said ages ago about how sometimes when you're fighting, one of you will start singing the fight.

Yeah. That was so funny. We'll start singing a improv duet. I think if you have- And air out our problems in the words. So good. Like, if you have an understanding between you, like we are in this, you know.

Yeah. Of course there's no guarantees and that doesn't mean like someone can treat you like shit forever and you're like, well, I said I was in it. But like, if you're like, we have each other's backs and then hopefully you can take the like intensity out of those arguments because you're like well at some point we will have to resolve this you know. Yeah if you know you're

working towards the same goal yeah and maybe you're getting there at different times or you have a little different path to get there and you can give yourself and each other the space to and you can give yourself and each other the space to meet up at that, you know, destination that you hoped you'd get to. Yeah. You know, it's being public figures, people can project things onto your lives and onto your relationships. Yes. And, you know, I can only speak for myself.

And the reality is Stephanie and I have, I think, a tremendous relationship and are very happy, but we have almost not made it before. And we've really struggled in so many different ways, but I know we're both so devoted. And I don't mean it like we're just, you know, we're gonna push through no matter what. Yeah, yeah. You both want it to work. We both want it to work and we're both making ourselves

very uncomfortable in those hard times to get the darkness into the light, you know, so that we can move forward if there's a path for us and there continues to be a path and I hope there is. Yeah and I think like if you truly know in yourself that even though it feels like the world would end if that if it didn't work out if you know that you will be okay and that you love yourself then it takes the terror out of when those fights happen and the thought of it ending,

like the hysteria of like, oh my God, I'm, you know, like if you, because you will survive, everyone will, you'll be okay. Like it'll be hell, but everyone will be okay. So it's. It does seem impossible though. It does seem impossible. It seems absolutely impossible.

Yes, it does, yeah. It goes back to that, when that piece is taken away. Yeah. You feel so discombobulated. The rug is pulled and you're like, what the, my whole reality has shifted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I think liking the person, you know, that's the thing about when I met Jax, she never felt like a stranger. And just did feel like home from day one. There was no games, there was no pretenses. You like me, I like you. And then we just kind of were in it. I know, because don't you know so many couples that don't like each other?

It's crazy that actually you're like you can you're like you hate each other. I know yeah and you know what I always loved about Jax is I just genuinely was always so happy to be around her and come home and tell her things and ask her opinion. I really value her opinion and just wanted to be around her. And I remember, especially in the pandemic, when we got to be, you know, I wasn't traveling and I finally got to be home for a long time, it felt, every night felt like a fun sleepover

with my best friend. And I just remember thinking like, God, I get to marry like my best friend who I'm also in love with. And like, what a treat. Yeah. And you know, the fact that she's beautiful and smart and funny is like you said, Tig, a cherry on top.

Yeah. But just, uh, I just really love her and, uh, being, being with her. Yeah. It's, it's so nice. I was just talking to one of my co-stars on set. He hasn't been in a serious long-term relationship. The show is about the young cadets at the academy. So there's a lot of younger cast members. And I was just talking to him about how,

I mean, look, people have been together for like, Edie and Paul, they've been together for decades, you know, and I'm like, I've been together 12 years. But I was just saying that I always think about writing a script, how when you have no structure, your story goes off the rails and you think there's going to be all this freedom because like, oh, I'm not going to follow a structure to writing. I'm just going to go nuts. And, you know, sometimes that works out, but, but when you're off and not following the structure, you can kind of find yourself in a weird corner where you're like, how did I get,

I can't even write myself out of this. And then when you follow a structure in writing, you can go anywhere. And that's how I feel in my relationship with Stephanie is I'm in this relationship that has rules and boundaries but with her, I feel like I'm planning my life with her. We're going on trips, we're having our holidays. We have, I'm getting to do things I've never done.

I've dated interesting, successful, hot people. Like I've been down those roads, I've done all of those things a million times and this is the road that is the most exciting to me so far. I will say also not to devalue like single people and that now that I'm single, And also not to devalue single people. Now that I'm single, because I'm a relationship person, I've been in love,

I've had long-term serious relationships and I think I thrive in that container a little bit, but it's forced me to being single these past six months or whatever, I'm like, you can give yourself that structure and relearn yourself and grow in huge ways as well and feel so much stronger and more in love with yourself and invest in your friendship.

So if you're listening and you're like bummed out on Valentine's, you know. Yeah, and that's a really great point because I certainly Marriage isn't for everyone at all and it wasn't for me and I don't think it would ever be again, right? But yeah, and I didn't mean to make it sound like if you're not married no, then then there's Then you're just off in the wild. I just found for myself I was surprised because people think oh you get married you're locked in you're just off in the wild. I just found for myself, I was surprised, because people think, oh, you get married,

you're locked in, you're locked down, you have no choices, and it's like, no. I actually, my life expanded. That's just my experience. But it is interesting, this is my first, we're going on 10 years. And before that, I think maybe a year was my most, the longest. So I've had to learn a lot.

It is work at times, like Tig said, like you reach points where you have to kind of check in and make sure what you want is lining up, because that does change. Yeah, you're different people. And as individuals, you sometimes want different things. You have to make sure you guys are both going towards that same thing. And so communication has been an interesting thing to try to figure out because you're kind of coming as two people with your own individual wounds and childhood wounds and idiosyncrasies and you're having to align those in a home and a marriage and make sure they keep aligning as you go and change. And it's definitely

an interesting journey. I think people should voice note each other because sometimes when you're in it and you're talking, something they say triggers you, or you're just thinking about the next thing you want to say, and so you're not really, but like if you leave a four minute voice note of your feelings, and they can't respond for a couple hours, and they simply can't listen.

But they can delete it. They can delete it without really, yeah. Before listening. Yeah. Yeah, communicating, checking in. They can delete it without really listening. Yeah. Communicating, checking in. I would also say that I didn't think about, nobody mentioned, before you get into a relationship or marriage, really ask each other, how do you feel about kids?

Really ask, how do you feel about money? How do you handle those? Like how do you live? You know, how do you deal with your family? You know, that's why it's always good to kind of be together for a beat to see how the holidays play out, how the making more money, making less money feels in a relationship, how you raise kids.

Yeah, huge. There's so many conversations that I would have done differently. But those were the fun surprises. Yeah, the curve balls. Yeah, they were curve balls and I was part of them. But I like that all three of us are like, laughter and peace are pretty big. And yeah, throw a whoopee cushion under the sofa cushion

and the couple's therapist off. You wanna enjoy your life, right? You want you and your partner to be happy. Yeah, man. At the end of the day. So it's like, if you don't have peace, or I don't have peace, or we don't have peace together, what are we doing here?

But maybe we don't have peace right now, let's see if we can work through that. Like again, it's just aligning what you want and being on the same page, because it is easy to be like, oh, this is hard, I don't have peace right now, bye. But you want- I don't think that's the way.

Yeah, that's not the way you wanna dig in and see what's on the other side of this. Yeah, because you could have that second honeymoon feeling. Yeah. Where you go, oh my God, we've just been so brutally honest with each other that everything's on the table and there's this huge relief of like, yeah.

It's really something. Yeah. Wow, well. Well, that's what we like. That's what we like. Both of you, yeah. Yeah Wow, well That's what we like. Yeah. Yeah, we like peace and laughter. Should we see what Edie and Paul? like, yeah, I Love the sound of his voice. I will always love the tone the beauty and the soulful nature of that voice the beauty and the soulful nature of that voice. Thank you.

You're welcome. And I love Edie's smile and the way it breaks into her laugh lights up my day. Oh my God, I'm dead. Thank you, handsome. Thank you, handsome. Thank you, handsome. Good bye, handsome.

I like their energy together. God, yeah. Also, yeah, if you're married to Paul Simon, yeah, the tone of his voice is kind of pretty remarkable. And oh, my God, and he sort of said laughter like that. Yeah, it had joy breaking through. Oh, Biggie, what do you what is Biggie love in a partner? This is my son, Biggie, that wanted to weigh in on love.

Oh, Biggie, Kimmy, Kim. Biggie, so what weigh in on love. Oh, Biggie. Give me kiss. Biggie, what is this? That is a sweet little pup. Yeah, he's a simple fellow. He wants a simple fellow. He is a simple fellow. I guess that's a nicer way of saying dead eyes. I swear to God, I posted a video of him and people kept commenting, no dead eyes there.

I love you, Biggie. He's my other Valentine. Oh my God, he is really cute. I'm definitely going to foster a dog soon when I move into my house. Oh good. Which I'm renovating right now. It's crazy and exciting. That's very exciting. You should foster a little pup that was lost in the fire. I was thinking about it, yeah. I feel like an older dog that someone might not foster.

That was a really nice episode. I know. I felt like we were like a stir-per-ro. We shared feelings. Yeah. I know. Well, I think we all have a lot of love feelings. Mm-hmm.

And it is, I would say it's the week or the month of love, but you know, it's the lifetime of love. It goes on and on and on, so. And loving yourself, as May said. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That is at the core of all of this. What's the RuPaul thing?

If you don't love yourself. How you gonna love somebody? Yeah, it's true. And no one is gonna fill that. Wait, did he, I feel like. We didn't coin that, but he said that. I feel like that saying is. If you can't love yourself,

how are you gonna love somebody else or something like that? Yeah, or something like that. But yeah, truly, like no relationship will ultimately fill the void if you don't love yourself. So that's step one. I am not there yet. None of us are, we're getting there. I feel like cut that out.

That was way too raw for the end of the podcast. I don't love myself. I don't love myself. Anyway. Next week on Handsome. Come to my shows, that'll help. Nah, leave it in, leave it in, leave it in. Well, I love you guys.

Love you guys. Love you and love you Mr. Thomas. Yeah, man. And. Love you. Love you. and love you, Mr. Thomas. Yeah, man. And... Love you. Love you. Oh, kisses. Even if that was forced. Love you.

So, yeah, you guys have anything coming up that we want to share? I've got these music shows that I'm pushing where I'm playing stuff from my album, which is called I'm a TV, that I'm very embarrassed to promote, but I'm doing it. February 26, I'm going to play a big music show in LA. March 1st in Toronto, March 4th in New York, March 9th in London, and tickets for that. If you go on my Instagram, I've got in the bio. And, you know, I was just thinking like Edie and Paul didn't promote anything. But if you haven't heard of Paul Simon or Simon and Garfunkel

or Edie Raquel, I'm going to check out also shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars because I've never heard that album. Well, it is a masterpiece masterpiece but also her sophomore album ghost of a dog. These are great titles. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Ghost of a dog like right. I thought shooting rubber bands at the stars was top top top. Then she pulls that out.

Yeah. What do you got coming up? I'm just now finishing Starfleet Academy with the incredible Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti, so many amazing actors on this series. And I'll be headed back to Los Angeles, probably Largo and Dynasty typewriter. And then the Handsome shows, we're going to be in Nashville live

on April 6th and then Austin April 12th. Handsome will be together there as well. And then I'm going to be doing standup in Eureka Springs, Arkansas in June. Fortune, are you working on a new hour? Is that what you're doing? Yeah, I am working on my new hour. Next weekend, I'll be at the Oxnard Improv in California out there in Ventura. Then I've got Irvine, California, there Improv and Huntsville, Alabama. That's in March. And then I start my theater tour, Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, Phoenix, Albuquerque, Cleveland, Columbus, Greensboro, Roanoke, Baltimore, all those places.

People are very upset that I'm in Roanoke, Virginia the same night as Melissa Etheridge. I apologize to all of the lesbians. Lesbian explosion. That's so good. I have gotten some stern emails and I did not know this. It was planned outside of my knowledge. Knowing you're gonna turn up on stage at the Melissa show,

you're gonna sing Come to My Window. So yeah, I've really worked the lesbians up in Roanoke. But sometimes it happens, you guys. Sometimes you can't avoid it. Yeah. But be proud of yourself when you sell it out. We'll see. I don't know how many lesbians are in Roanoke.

So yeah, they'll head over there. The straight people you got to come through. Well, this has been delightful. Absolutely. And I hope that everyone has a great Valentine's week and day and life. And until next time. Keep it in. Keep it in.

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that the mushrooms you just picked in the forest are actually the edible non-psychedelic variety before incorporating them into your harvest stew. Yeah checking first is smart so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

This content is intended for audiences in the US only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast now on HeadGum. Every week, me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Fualow, or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it great, and if not, no worries. So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get

your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the So True With Caleb Heron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya!