Handsome - Pauline Chalamet asks about dangerous situations

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

Pauline Chalamet (Sex Lives of College Girls) asks Handsome a thrillingly dangerous question that leads to some great stories! Plus, Mae finds a husband, Fortune dances in bed, and Handsome HR gets summoned to the podcast record!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a headgum podcast checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart unfortunately not checking that you have your ID before heading to the airport is not smart you don't want to reach airport security just to realize that your passport is sitting on a table by your front door at home yeah checking first is smart so check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds you're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to turn conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. I love learning, and that is why I love today's sponsor Masterclass. We're always learning something new on handsome. But Masterclass is where you can really engage in deep

knowledge sharing from people who have excelled in their fields for decades. With Masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best, with plans starting at $10 a month, built, annually, you get unlimited access to over 200 classes taught by the world's best business leaders, writers, chefs, and more. With Masterclass, you get thousands of bite-sized lessons across 13 categories that can fit into even the busiest of schedules. I'm very excited to take Werner Herzog's course on filmmaking. He's created some of the most iconic films and documentaries of all time, and now he's going to share his hard-earned wisdom with me? Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com slash handsome.

That's 15% off at masterclass.com slash handsome. Masterclass.com slash handsome. Handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. It is your dearest, dearest friend, Tignotaro along with

May Martin in the house. And fortune fiendster also in the house. Oh, I'm in, I'm in the office. I'm in a grandma's house. Are you actually at your grandma's house? I wish she's dead. She's dead, remember? I'm so sorry.

We talk about her every week. Oh, my God, of course. I just wanted an excuse to talk about my dead grandma. But it does look like kind of a grandma-ish room. I'm on the road. It's just a hotel room. Okay, because as I said that, I was like, I hope that's not Fortune's bedroom,

and I just said it was grandma-ish. I said it first, so it's okay. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm in a cute little hotel room. Aw. You guys can see where my bed is. Yes, we can. Where none of the magic happens.

Will you lie down on the bed in a sexy pose? Please. Oh, please. Yeah. With the headphone, with the headset. Wow, that did not take much convincing. Yeah, great. Yeah, really good stuff.

This is also input into what Fortune thinks is sexy. Yeah, this is really. Not input, but insight. Yeah. Wow, that one was my favorite at the end, just grinning on all fours. If you're listening to this, go to YouTube for the love of God. Fortune is on a bed in a hotel. And she is working some sexy poses.

When did? I just drooled. Okay. Well, we were too, by the way. That was so sexy. Was that va-va-va-voom? That was way. Vava, va-va-va-va-va-voom-voom, boom, boom, boom.

This part's not sexy. I want to drink water. But you know what I think is underused in sexy poses that I was really glad you brought to the table was some of the headstets. Grinning with wide eyes. Grinning with wide eyes.

It's that. Like this? Yeah. Like you looked so happy. Yeah. I was very happy to be doing that for you guys. Oh, we were thrilled to receive it with our eyeballs.

We were all talking about it? Didn't say a word. Were you giving a play-by-play? I was saying this is giving us some interesting insight into what Fortune thinks is sexy. I had a chair. I didn't realize blocking part of my view, but that was probably for the best. It was. It was for the best.

That was unbelievable. Thank you for doing that. Thank you. I thank you for the opportunity. If I can encourage people to head on over to you, YouTube and check out Fortune doing sexy, sexy poses.

And now have you been day drinking? Actually, no. Not a drop of alcohol. Okay. Just a gua. All right. Well, bilingual. Acqua.

That was a real treat. Probably the most exercise I've had all day. And I'm back, baby. Y'all did start. I could see you in the monitor giving me Yeah, like telling me what's encouragement. Yeah, I was wanting you to do little bunny paws or whatever that. Yeah, you did something.

That's for sure. So is the, is bunny paws a sex thing or a sexy thing that people do? Or is that just... It is now. Yeah, it is now. May it's very sexy right now. Wow. Well, when I came into this comic book store, I wasn't expecting.

Oh, that's why I'm here. That's right. May, how are you doing? I'm pretty good. I'm good, I think. I don't know. All right. It's a high-pitched good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty good. Actually, you know what? I am good because I finally launched my animal paintings book for charity. And I saw that. They sold out in 14 hours all the books and tote bags. And then you haven't priced high enough? I hope so

but this is the crazy thing this is why maybe my voice went I'm okay is that I realized only after they sold out that I haven't hired anyone to do all the packing and shipping like I have to personally pack up like more than a thousand packages

and I A thousand? Yeah, because there's separate orders. You sold a thousand paintings? I sold 600 books. And then a bunch of like hats and tote bags and post cards but yeah why don't you wait till fortune gets home we can have a packing party oh yeah i got

nothing going on yeah yeah yeah yeah we could just tons of free time so do i so we'll just head on over and we'll just help you out wouldn't that be nice if we did just have much more free time than we do and and do you think that we would do more activities together would we do lemonade stands and like this reminds me of the time where we said if we could spend time with people and you picked us you remember that yes yes and we were we were stunned because it was like it was like picking with you could choose like anyone right yeah yeah stop it's just like three months into the podcast was that was that first and then we had to reveal or we had picked other people and then i think i don't remember i can't remember but that is really embarrassing yeah i really i stand by it for real but if we had more

I believe that we would be doing more fun things together. We would be in grandma's bedroom with Fortune doing sexy poses. Join with the hip. You don't know what real friendship is like until you've been in grandma's bedroom posing. I would invite you to do more activities. But you're hard to get a hold of. You're not like an avid texter. No, I'm not.

I'm not avid anything. What a fortune was like, yeah, you are. Yeah, no, TIG always texts me. TIG won't stop texting me. Look at all these texts that TIG hasn't returned. God dang it. I've returned. Get on your phone.

I'm not, I'm not crazy about texting. I'll be honest. But I get it done. I get it done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would come over and pack up everything you needed me to. But I'm not washing your hair If I was not washing my filthy hair

That is true How are you that? So you're back in L.A. Mm-hmm. I'm back in L.A. after months of travel. Yeah. How does it feel? It feels unreal.

And I love getting home And just like, I love doing laundry. I love folding clothes. I love getting back into life and getting just, I don't, I just, I love getting the house in order and, um, I just being back in life. And like, Stephanie and I take, uh, morning walks together every day. And it's really nice to be back just kind of, when we take our walks, we get to talk about, you know, obviously Max and Finn and our projects that we're working on and family, friend, you know, like, just catch up on everything. And it's, um,

That's your best friend. That's so nice. It's so nice to start the day like that again. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. You guys are reunited and it feels so good. We were only apart for a week. Oh, right.

None of this counts then. I know, but I've been traveling all around, you know. I was in Colorado, New York, Massachusetts, Canada, all that. So anyway, but yeah. feels so good and to be back with Kitty City and everything. It feels good. But man, did we have a grand old summer?

Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. I'm just getting ready to see if any of my spells works that I did an Arrowhead because I'm going off to the Toronto Film Festival. So I want to see if any of my spells worked. Wait, what kind of, did you tell us about your spells? May I told us that they did spells, but we don't know specific.

So is anyone in harm's way? I must have blocked out you saying you do spells. I think I, well, maybe I did a spell on you to make you forget. I'm not really doing it. I'm not doing any curses or anything like that. But I'm doing, you know, protective spells. I think I might meet my wife soon. I think this, I did a spell.

Really? I think so. I think that's on the horizon. Or husband, we'll see, spouse. Are you open to marrying a man? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It'd have to be pretty funny, I think. Boo, I'm kidding. He'd have to maybe, like, be open to doing a role play where he played, like, a kind of cheerleading mean girl. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Would you really be into that, May? Yeah. If he was, like, this dashing dude and you'd like for him to be a cheerleader?

because it would be so I'd be so impressed by how secure he is like if he put on a cheerleading outfit I've just this has just occurred to me now by the way this isn't like on my list of but yeah Thomas put it on the list

yeah if I met a guy who was secure enough to dress up like a mean cheerleader yeah I'd be in heaven that would be great okay I don't want to like cheerleading skirt oh my god sorry I wouldn't even You didn't want Stephanie in a cheerleading skirt, I'll be honest.

I don't have a cheerleader thing. I don't know. I don't know why. Yes, you do. And it's become clear to everyone. I don't know. I've always seen you with a wife, but you never know. Where have you been seeing me with a wife?

Let me know where she is. At night, in my dreams. Right. And May you're feeling like you could lock it down and get married or would you still have an open kind of thing. Depends on the sitch. Depends on the sitch. But I think that I'm so tired.

Wait, a person just walked by your window. There's somebody. Maybe it's your husband. Has this already come true? What are you talking about? A fellow just walked by your window. Swear to God. Are you serious?

Yes. Yeah. Wow. What did he look like? Hang on. Should I check? Well, he's scared. He had a cheerleading skirt.

No. Wait. Okay. Should I check who that is? is. I'm sure it's a gardener. Yes, of course you should. I'm a little worried that there's someone. If you're worried, don't ignore it. Yeah, one sec. I'm just going to double-dust. Now, Fortune, now that I have you alone, could you get back on that bed? I've got enough steps for today.

Just walking over to the bed. I was winded. I do need to amp up my exercise game, though, because in this new golf show I'm doing with Will Farrell, I'm going to be walking all day on golf courses, carrying golf clubs and the bag. It's going to be intense. Yeah. I ate salmon today to get ready for it. Wait, hold on, Fortune.

May, are you in danger? I am married now. I just met my husband. No, it was, there's a guy fixing my AC. And I, but we hadn't, we hadn't, we hadn't arranged for him to come today. So that, that alarmed me. But sorry, is salmon the thing that you get healthy, right? Just, you eat it once and you're good. That's how you get ready for, um, walking around golf courses. Yeah, salmon and an avocado and sweet potatoes. Oh, you're set. Yeah. I think I'm good for a while. I think that's how health works. Yeah. That sounds really good. You ate that today for lunch? Yeah. Can you believe it? It was between that or Subway, and I really wanted Subway, but I went, no, I'm going to eat salmon because I got to walk a golf course. And what do you like at Subway? Yeah, tell us to Subway.

Yeah. Well, listen, my go-to is not Subway. My go-to sandwich-wise would be Jersey Mikes. I've never had it. It's tasty. I like the turkey or the tuna. Yeah, tuna sandwich is good. But then in a pinch, I like a Subway turkey.

I can tell you've been hanging out I can tell you've been hanging out with your parents The accent is strong In a pinch Yeah The accent is dialed up like 20% I've been hanging out with my divorced parents all week I saw that video you posted where you were like

Well too bad I come from a broken home And they're just there laughing That's amazing That's hilarious It was really funny Well they've been divorced for 32 years and my mom loves to remind my dad every year of how many years they would have been married

had they stayed together so she said we would have been married 56 years yesterday did they have a mutual departure maybe that's too personal I mean what's too personal on the handsome pod we've talked about everything I know I know

yes and no I don't think my mom would have wanted it she would prefer to be married I don't think liked being divorced but it just wasn't working anymore I don't remember them they're good friends now and happen for a while but they I don't remember them liking each other during my residency with the two of them

that's hard but do they hang out independently now like would they hang out just the two of them occasionally but it would be my dad and his wife and my mom the three of them And they all get along well Mm-hmm Yeah

And does your dad Live in the same town? He does He moved away for a couple of years But he's back That's good That's pretty amazing That they don't have to

Like the worst thing About breakups is just like Losing that part of your life And those memories Like someone to share those memories But that's so nice They can still Have that, yeah

Well we kind of force them into it Like Yeah When I was 12 When they split And then we were like Well dad's coming to Christmas, sorry. And she was like, what?

How funny to be introduced in that way. Like, well, TIG's coming to Christmas. Sorry. I think she did cry. She's like, ha. I don't know. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking if your car has enough gas is not smart. When you're out there on a road trip, it can be a long ways between gas stations. So be prepared. Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Hanson is supported by O Positive. O Positive is a women's health company. They offer a range of symptom targeting supplements. that support women at every stage of life, from their first period to well beyond their last. What's so special about O-Positive's products? They create real, tangible results with ingredients that are backed by clinical studies and shaped by board-certified doctors. O-Positive is the maker of Euro. That's URO.

It's a probiotic blend specifically formulated to support vaginal health and help balance pH. It's available in Target, as well as on Amazon, where it's one of the top five supplements. Euro's probiotic strains support healthy vaginal odor, vaginal pH, and flora. It's also got prebiotics that make it even more effective. So take proactive care of your health and head to O-Positive.com slash handsome or enter handsome at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O-P-O-S-I-T-I-V.com. slash handsome for 25% off.

We talk a lot about healthy habits on handsome. One of the biggest factors in your daily health is what you eat. Let's take a moment and imagine that your weekly shopping cart is filled for you and your meals for the week are all decided in advance. That's why we love Hungry Root. They take the work off your plate. Hungry Root takes the stress out of meal time by filling your cart with personalized picks. I love my daily smoothie and Hungry Root can make.

sure I have all the necessary ingredients ready to go. It's like having a personal shopper and chef all in one so you can spend less time planning and more time doing what you love. Now that my kids are back in school, hungry root makes planning lunches and after school snacks a breeze as well with healthy options that are also delicious. Take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life go to hungry root dot com slash handsome and use code handsome that's hungry root dot com slash handsome code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life hungry root dot com slash handsome code handsome but you know what is this bad no that's so good because you force them to really be grown

I'm some power through and like it's one day of the year like to make to make it nice for you. That's really nice. I mean, listen, they have their moments where that some of that stuff rears its head and you're just like, really? Yeah. All these years later, come on. But then they're pretty good about putting that aside, especially when I'm in town because I live so far away. Mm-hmm. So, yeah.

Okay. That's a little bit about my life. Okay. Well, my parents are dead. Famously. Famously. Wow. I started with the dead grandma.

Now we've ended up on the dead parents. Yeah. That was that? We're covering a lot of bases. We've got divorced. We got dead and we got together and codependent. Yeah. Wait, who's together and codependent?

Oh, my parents. Yeah. Oh. Oh. They're codependent. Well, if one of their friends repeats to them that they've heard this on the podcast, they'll be furious and outraged. But I would say co-dependent, not necessarily in a, you know, unhealthy way. It's just like my dad's always worked from home and he had his own office, but now he's even moved a little desk down into my mom's sort of office. So they just spend the whole day sitting opposite each other at adjacent desk, as if they work in an office together. Then at 5 p.m. And all day they're talking, like every, all day, about everything that's coming up on their

computer screen. Then around 5 p.m., they stop. They move to a third table that's in between the two desks. And there they play Scrabble for about 90 minutes, and they drink white wine. Then they have dinner, and then they watch TV together, and then they go to bed. And do they always enjoy one another for the most part? Absolutely not. Sometimes they're going through that whole day.

and they're fuming but they'll still go through it but they they have you know friends and go on trips and stuff but that's their main like day-to-day thing so am i codependent like are stephanie and i codependent because i that hasn't even crossed my mind as a possibility i mean we work together we work separately i think codependency gets a bad rep i think we're designed to need each other and that's okay i think as long as you know it's you know it's Yeah, yeah, you got it. The answer is yes. There's like a touch of it, but I don't think y'all are like over the top. Yeah, like where it becomes bad is like, are you, if people are, if you're anxious when you're not with the person or you can't enjoy your life when you're not there,

like, like you guys are solid. You just really enjoy each other's company. Yeah, I would say that we yeah, enjoy being together. We miss each other when we're apart, but we have separate and similar friends and we have our own interests and yeah i think as long as you like have some stuff for yourself here and there that's a good balance but like you should want to hang out with your spouse or yeah yeah for sure all right well that's interesting i'm going to ask stephanie if she thinks we're codependent i've been co-dependent before have you yeah it happens pretty easy You mean, yeah, because I guess codependent, like the connotation is that it's like insular and you kind of are recluse from your other relationships and your friends. And it's like, yeah, like what is bad codependency?

I guess it's that. It's like I can't do anything without consulting. Anything without the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been, you've had that before. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I would say Jackson and I spent a crap ton of time together. And yeah.

So we had a bit of that for a while. I guess the thing about that is like you never then, you learn so much about your relationship from being apart a little bit, right? Like then you miss each other. Yeah, you got to miss each other. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, it's kind of like that thing of it's good to feel hungry sometimes.

Yeah. You know. Did I tell you guys I'm doing like a residential therapeutic program? You told us you had a life coach. Oh, yeah, no, I told you about the life coach. You told us you were going into the mountains and ordering a bunch of weights, synthesizer. And a synthesizer. In a way, that was a residential therapeutic program.

You put on your clear mascara, put your ankle weights on, and just play that synthesizer. So what is this? I wasn't going to talk about it on here, but then I heard Oprah did a podcast about this place. And so I was like, well, why don't I? It's like six days. It's called the Hoffman Institute. And you go and have heard of that? Have you heard of that?

You have? Uh-huh. Don't tell me if you've heard bad stuff. I honestly don't know much about it. Oh, God. Just that the name is familiar. Yes. So it's like six days.

They take your phone away and you, I mean, I don't know much about it. It's kind of mysterious. But people are like, it changed my life. And it's like. And you're going to do it. I'm doing it in October. Yeah. And it's, I've been on the, I was on the waiting list for like a year or something.

And it's like, I think it's good. A year waiting list. Dang. Yeah. And now Oprah did this podcast. It's getting very popular in the Hollywood circles. I was thinking, yeah, I think that's where I heard about it. Yeah.

But anyway, I'm going and it's like group therapy and somatic therapy. And I might be a different person after it. So we'll see. Yeah. That's amazing. Mm-hmm. Can you imagine being without your phone for six days? No.

I know. How are you going to play best fiends? I know. I'm going to have to, like, draw the game. But I think if you commit to something like that for your own, you know, growth, then you just know, like, oh, for the six days, I'm just focusing on me. Yeah, exactly. And, like, my show will have just come out and I can just get off my phone for six days and, like... I mean, obviously, we'll record the handsome pod while in between sessions.

I'll be recording it from group therapy. Yeah. I would love to do it from group therapy. Would you say that is, because I've heard you mention it a few times, like, I've got to get off my phone or that way I'll be able to get off my phone. Would you say that's your biggest kind of hurdle? I don't think I'm on it more than most people. I just find, I just can feel this like invisible chain to it. Like I, and so then I'm in like, even though I might only be on it a few hours a day, it's like a shame spiral because I know on my deathbed I'm going to be like, why was I?

on my phone, you know. But I think it'll be good. Yeah. Yeah, we'll see. I'm excited because it's like you're in a little group of about eight people and you go through the week together. I hope it's really weird. And they asked, you do this prep work, like homework.

Actually, maybe you're not allowed to share this stuff that you have to sign like an NDA. Oh, that's okay. Nobody listens to this show. What do you do now? No, we don't want to get me in trouble. What if there's a celeb in my group of eight people? Like, what if I get there? There already is.

You're in it, huh? Huh? Okay. What if, like, Matthew McConaughey is in it or something? If there's no celebrity, if there's no celebrity in your group, you're the celebrity. Hey, my, I'd like to give you a little tip. Just keep living. Wait, is that Matthew or your dad?

Or the person making announcements over the PA in high school. I've never I can't do a Matthew McConaughey other than all right all right all right I think I can do How sick of that do you think he is and he says it still all the time right but how sick of it do you think he is like when a random person comes up and says well he started it he should have known that was going to happen So nobody will say yeah Tigg he's probably really sick of it no take you know what he's probably really sick of it I love that it's he started it He started it, and he keeps doing it, so you're going to do it back to him. J.K. All right, all right. Just keep living, y'all.

All right. Did you almost say, just kiss? Just kiss him. Just kiss me. Matthew McConaughey is a good-looking man. All right. Easy. Dike a doodle do.

I'm not trying to get with the guy. I'm a full of us over here. Well, you don't look like it in grandma's bedroom. I am. I'm gay as shit. has anyone pushed back on you being gay no everyone's fully accepted it and you do walk through life with your headset on right oh yeah this is a daily announcing that you're gay yeah okay what's up y'all i'm a lesbian they're like we no all right well good i'm glad that you guys knew that

well i i don't know i think i told you all about my new um my new identity as traddike oh yeah i love that love traddike how's that going for you it's going well um i think i'm going to have some posters made and maybe a um you know that picture of me smoking and changing the car tire yeah i think that's my traddike poster i think that's perfect and then i think i might start a what a substack called traddike yeah that sounds good i don't know what a substack is it's for people right or it's like something where there's a submission, like a subscription to get your top secret writings and thoughts and videos that you don't share elsewhere. I just got an email that was like, happy 21st birthday to your, to your live journal. And I was like 20, or maybe it was like 25th birthday.

And I log on and it's a, it's a diary that I wrote online when I was 16 and it's still online. Wow, we got to dig that up. It doesn't have my name attached to it. It's got like a code name, but it is humiliating. Is it public? Yes, it's public. Are you going to give us the link? Next pod, maybe I'll...

You don't have to read it this pod. Think about it for next pod. And I got to make sure it's hidden so that people don't go find it. I think it's under like a fake name, but it's not Traddyke, is it? It's Traddyke. It's really embarrassing. It's like, today I got... and the cops came to the park and they were swarming around me like wasps man that's the one real quote like i thought that i was bob dillon you threw in man i think i probably did yeah man is so embarrassing like who was it for it was for you 21 years later and by the way what a big blowout of a party you should have your journal can now drink legally in the states yeah yeah

All right, enough of this nonsense. Should we get to our question asker? Let's do it, sugar tits. I'm calling HR. Thomas? Is Thomas H.R? Actually, who is HR? Thomas.

Yeah, Thomas. I'm telling Thomas that you called me sugar tits. When you know my tits are in a dumpster in an alley in Hollywood. But as far as we know, they could be surrounded by sugar. No, they're surrounded by rodents that are fighting over them. Oh, God. I remember the moment in adulthood when I realized that it's important to save for a rainy day. With Acorns Early, your kids don't have to learn their money lessons the hard way.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money out. that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. Start with the in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early. Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn's early spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. I've been teaching my kids that managing finances is an important skill. And Acorns Early is a great option

to help kids learn about money and foster a sense of independence. Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to AcornsEarly.com slash handsome pod or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free

when you sign up at acornsEarly.com slash handsome pod. This episode is presented by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Let's get one thing straight. your body is your business, not the governments, not your neighbors, not that random lawmaker in your home state who thinks he knows better than you. Planned Parenthood believes everyone should be free to make decisions about their own health care, including abortion whenever and wherever they need it. But some lawmakers who want to force their personal beliefs on everyone else

continue to push bills that will block access to essential care and control our bodies. Who gets hurt the most? Women, people with low incomes, black and Latino communities, people who live in rural areas, people who already have a harder time than they should getting basic care. Healthcare is a human right that Planned Parenthood Federation of America fights for every day, but they need our help. And supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at planparenthood.org slash defend.

You want to do this, TIG? I mean, it's just really hard for me to read. Let me see if I can do it. When you want me to do it? I can give it a whirl. Okay. Today's question asker is an actress and... I think someone else should do it.

I think Races is crazy. This is the worst thing you're ever. I thought that. Today's podcast. And I was like, she's a podcast. Okay, all right. So, May, you can take it from here, but we'll, of course, keep mine in. My eyesight is so terrible. I got this, guys. No, no, no, no, no. I got this. They didn't say I got this. I said, I would try.

They basically are. I also have that shaggy eyelid, too. So I have a few things working against me. All right, May. Hit it. All right. Today's question. Okay. Today's question. Today's Question Asker is an actress. How dare you? You got that mallet ready? Yes. Today's question asker is an actress and producer who starred in the King of Staten Island as well as the sex lives of college girls. She produced and starred in the movie What Doesn't Float?

Pauline Shalame is asking today's question. Yes. Hey, handsome. It's Pauline Shalem. Here's my question. What is an experience that you've had where, in the most, moment, you were really enjoying it and loving it and just, it was great, or you just maybe didn't feel any particular way about it, but it was an experience that you were living. And then in retrospect, you realized, oh, I was in a lot more danger than I thought I was. Is that too specific of a question?

No. I don't know. I think everybody must have an answer to that. I think we do. In fact, I had an answer and then it shifted quickly. But can I take a moment to tell you how deeply I love Pauline Chalomey. Oh, yeah? Are you guys friends? You did a sex lives of college girls. I did sex lives of college girls and I love her so she is so fun to cackle with. We also, she was part of the group I went to DC with to lobby for the arts. And she's so, not only is she talented as an actress, but she is so smart. And like, she just blew everyone's minds in D.C. The way she took charge when we went in to Congress and the White House and just her confidence and her knowledge and her point of view. I was like, what that? Not that I met her and thought,

You know, that she was a dip shit. But I was like, this is so... I didn't think she was a dip shit. A dip shit. But like, there were so many people with us. I mean, I was the dip shit in D.C. Because, yeah, I'm thinking if I went to D.C., I would feel, I'd be like, even though I'd be happy to be there and excited, I'd feel like a kind of stone teenager on a class trip.

Like, I'd want to giggle in the corner, you know? And I felt like... I would take a briefcase. You do everywhere with your headphones and your briefcase. Yeah. But, you know, I just was very aware that I don't have that knowledge. I read the, I read the important points that we were trying to get across, and I understood what our mission was, but man, oh, man.

That's all. I just wanted to throw that in. They seem like a pretty smart family. Her brother, Timothy, is fluent in French. Is she also fluent in French? Yes, yeah. They grew up, yeah, partly in France. She lives also in France.

What's a smart question too? I think, yeah, it's a really, it's a good question I hadn't thought of before. Yeah, you can't be like a dipshit and ask that question. No, no dipshits asking that question. No, dipshits are asking like hot dog or hamburger, you know. Exactly, right. I will answer more specifically, but I feel like growing up in the 80s, and 90s, then our entire childhood was one big, like, step from getting kidnapped or, like, in danger.

Yeah. Because just, there was just not as many rules. I mean, you rode in the back of pickup trucks, at least where I was from, we would walk on active railroad tracks constantly. We left our house at 9 a.m. and didn't come back till 6 p.m. Not just road in the back of pickup trucks, but road in the back of pickup trucks with a bottle of barks root beer that I'm trying to drink while I'm going over bumps and holes in the road and train tracks. That's what my family says to me whenever I'm like, you know, we'd just throw it in the back of the truck or we were all sitting in the back of the truck. And Stephanie, Max and Finn all now say to me, sorry, we weren't raised in Mississippi in the 70s. that's really good yeah yeah i mean do you remember like we survived half of it even in the 90s like

do you remember Halloween you would just go by yourself as a kid and you would be walking into strangers homes who had made haunted houses and stuff and yeah everything's a little more sterilized now i never did that i didn't know you never did that okay really i thought that was are you sure there wasn't something inappropriate that was going on yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah, you know how you'd go into that old gross guy's house? Yeah. Part of the haunted house was you'd take a bath and then you had to feel his calves. His gams. Yeah.

I'll tell you, God, now all of a sudden I'm having a million thoughts. But this was from my adult life. I was on tour and I was with my old assistant and his dream. was to swim with sharks. So we were in Florida, and I said, oh, my friend Jeff lives here, and he knows where to go and who to call for anything and everything.

And so we did. And he was like, oh, yeah, I know a guy that will take you out to swim with bull sharks, which are more aggressive than great white sharks. What do you mean? I don't know how to simplify that more, May. They're more aggressive than great white sharks.

they are the most aggressive bull sharks and they look just like great whites who's wanting to do this who's wanting to swim with them that's well my assistant yeah sorry sorry and guess who went in with him oh my god why exactly i i i i don't i don't know i anyway no reason to be upset with me i'm out of the water now um you know who is not thrilled um i called stepney and was like oh my god i just swam with uh bull sharks i was not in a cage there was bloody they they threw bloody chum no in the water no and these these sharks were massive's crazy and and while i was dangling in the water i was in there for 30 minutes no and um while i was dangling at one point this one shark started just be lining towards me and the guy that we were in the water with,

he just grabbed the shark's nose and pushed him away and the shark just, yeah, shark just swam around. I was in there for 30 minutes and I was, and I have to say, I'm glad I did it. What I did learn is that if you, and maybe I've already shared this, but if you are in the ocean and a shark is nearby, do not splash, don't turn and swim away,

you just float and you keep eye contact with the shark. And that's what I did in the water. I was just floating and keeping eye contact with the sharks. And I have an incredible picture that I'll share with you. And so now I feel like I would know, even though I'd be terrified if I was by myself in the ocean and a shark was towards me, I would know I need to not make any fast moves.

Yeah, you would lock in. Wow. I think you could do that, but most people would panic. I would panic. Your first thought would be like, I got to get out of here. I would panic if I hadn't done it before. Right. It didn't come naturally to me.

My friend and opening act jumped in the water. My assistant jumped in. The friend that connected us with this situation, he got in. was this like an independent company like yes it was right yeah like a guy you found on Craigslist I mean truly it was an independent company and it was one of those things yeah when I called Stephanie and I was like oh my god I just went swimming with sharks she was like why did you do that yeah she's like you have children yeah she's like you have a family and I was like oh wrong number Who'd is?

Sorry. Okay, here is the picture of me with, do you see me dangling? Holy shit, Teg. Do you see me dangling? That is massive. I'm holding onto that rope above that's connected to the boat. So that was one of those things. I knew it, I knew obviously anything could happen.

Yeah. But afterwards, as time went on, I was like, oh my god yeah what was i doing yeah yeah that's i mean you faced that's a lot of people's worst fears that'd be one of probably up there for me swimming with sharks and you faced it now and you know what to expect fortune what about you i mean i touched on it briefly in a pretty little episode where you know when i lived in spain i used to stay in hostels and chamber rooms with complete strangers and train cars and that was nuts and i'm so grateful nothing happened because I didn't know a single person

I could have been with a serial killer Yeah Probably were Maybe I mean I got in one room And it was just me and a dude And he was

But he was probably like I'm not going to mess with that guy That's right But one thing that stood out As like something really stupid That I did Not thinking it was a big deal Was when I was in college

I went to Mexico on two different summers to study the Mayan ruins. And I can't remember if I told you guys this, but we went. I remember you going there. Yeah. So we went to Chichenitsa, which is a Mayan temple that was built, obviously, by the Mayans. A really cool place. It has 91 steps up each side that represents 365 days of the year, which can you believe it?

Like, that's crazy that they were that advanced. So advanced. And my friend. Is that that advanced to just know how many days of the year there? I don't know. This is back before there were calendars. Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, yeah, okay.

So they like... Before cell phones? They figured... Because we, it's all based on their stuff, right? Our current stuff is based on their assessments. Yeah. And so, my friend of mine was like

I'll race you to the top and I was like yeah sure why not I've got gams you guys have seen them yeah they're gorgeous of course they can run to the 91 steps no problem now

it's summer in Mexico it's like 105 degrees it's not cold and I start running up this pyramid and 91 steps and as hard as I can because I'm competing for nothing

but I'm competing against my friend and I get to the top and it starts wide and it gets really narrow as you go up and I get to the top and I'm like suck it I did it and then immediately my face turns blue and my lips turn blue

my lips turn blue and I start like I'm like on a very narrow ledge and I start like going back and forth like this and I have no water and my friend luckily is up there already and sees me and she's like uh are you okay and I'm like I can't talk and she just grabs water from like a complete stranger and I just start sucking down water and I mean I came so close to just passing out off this giant pyramid. What a way to go though. Oh my God, though. And I like finally get like back regulated and the life comes back into my face.

Like I just sit there for like 20 minutes and I finally make my way back down and my professor came up to me and she said, don't you ever do that again. And she said that I could have had a heart attack. She goes, you, she said, it is so wildly dangerous to run that fast in this heat to that altitude, people can and have often just like hearts given out. And she was like, I about died seeing you do that.

And I was like, what? She's like, use your gams for good. Yeah. So what a stupid, stupid thing that I didn't think. was a big deal at all and I could have freaking either fallen off the pyramid or had a heart attack. It was so wildly dumb. I still stand by what a way to go. If you fell off a pyramid, I'm picturing like when you have a like I picture people having a baby and then being like how is my child ultimately going to die like if if everyone learned right in that moment.

Oh, that's an interesting thought, experiment. She's going to fall off of a pyramid. Oh, by the way, Chechen needs a Mayan pyramid. For all you math nerds out there, they're like 91 steps is 364. The top platform is the final step. Hmm. Mm. Ergo, 365.

I'm glad you lived through it. Well, me too. That is really scary. I don't want to do that. Like, your hands get all tingly and you feel like you're going to pass out. that is such a scary feeling yeah so that was a very dangerous thing I did I'm I'm just like amazed that I'm still alive really like there's just so many weird situations with like drug dealers and criminality in my teens and like I I think I'm street smart like I would have a I walked

a line where I would have a gut feeling about people but I definitely oh my God like same yeah just so many strange, strange people in cars and parks and, yeah, I did, well, because I kind of thought I was out of that phase of being too, like, receptive to strangers. Because in your teens, you're like in parks buying weed from people named like Merlin and they have a pet iguana and you're like, this guy's my best friend and you're like sitting in the park for an hour talking to this guy and he's talking about like quantum theory and you're like yeah man so i thought i was out of that but i did and i'm not sure about telling this story in case this person listens to the podcast but i don't think that he will but i did i got an uber have i told this i don't know you've

gotten a lot of ubers all we've done all we've gotten so far from the story is that you got an uber yeah sorry yeah yeah it's hard to like yeah which by the way seems like a very safe thing to do that's kind of nuts too i know that is nuts we're just getting in cars with strangers getting in cars and strangers we don't know anyone so i get in the uber and this guy's like uh he's sort of like a viking he's like six foot five or something he's got this long blonde luscious hair like a like a woman's almost blow dry yeah and uh and we hit it off right away we're chatting like and and uh he's he's asked me about what i do and i tell him about my show coming out and he's like I was sent to a troubled teen institute, and he's like, oh, my God, like, what are the chances of

this? He's like, I used to be an opium dealer, and he's telling him, he's like, you got to write about my life. Like, that's what, and I'm like, tell me everything, and, uh, telling him about my breakup and stuff. And anyway, we, we get to my house. And then he just so confidently goes, okay, give me your phone. I'm going to, I'll text you right now. And, and he just does it, like, there's no question that I'm, we're going to exchange numbers and start texting. And I do, I have a lot of people in my life who I've ended up texting almost, you know, so I give my number and, and then the texts are like a little strange that I'm getting. Like the next day he says, are they pretty? No, it's more like we are soulmates. Like, I like friends soulmates. Like,

we are destined to be friends. And so he writes me this, the next day he goes, hey, can I get a physical printout of one of your scripts? I'm like, What? How long ago was this? This is about six months ago. And so I don't, we end up, I don't really respond to him. And then I guess six weeks goes by and I'm getting a massage. And I book an Uber.

Yeah, I book my Uber after the massage and it pulls up and it's him. It's the guy. So I get him. I wanted him to show up and in the massage. He's the masseuse. Yeah. No, so I go like, that is weird. I've never gotten.

the same Uber driver before. Oh, I have a lot because I Uber so much. But I'm like, oh my God, man. Hey, and he goes, oh my God. He's like, do you know the statistical and probability that you would get in my Uber? I'm like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. And he goes, no, man, this is insane. And he starts doing the math of the probability.

And he's talking out loud. He's like, okay, population of L.A., he lands on one in 2.8 billion, which cannot be correct. I can't be right. No, there's only a certain number of Uber drivers in that. Yeah. But he's like, it is one in two point eight billion. I'm like, okay. And this is coming from somebody who knows absolutely nothing about math. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then he's like, how's the breakup and stuff? And then I'm like, then I'm like, oh, I obviously really shared with this guy. And I don't really remember what I said, but he knows everything. Anyway, then we're talking, you know, he, knows the drummer from tool like that's pretty cool we get to my house and he does we get to my

we get to my house and he does the same thing he goes okay i can only stay for five minutes but i'll come in yeah oh he came in your house wait did he come in the last time too no okay hey i find myself i would never let a stranger like that into my house i know well this is why i was reluctant to tell the story because I feel like listeners are going to be like, this is psychotic. It's 11 p.m. on a Monday. You just got a massage and now this Uber driver.

But I'm telling you, I had it. Is he attractive, like where you're kind of like, hmm, I kind of want a toy with this? No, I don't think that was the vibe. I was,

we were like really connecting, though. And I got a vibe that this was a safe sedge, but I don't know. Anyway. So he did come in? Yeah. For how long? So he goes,

I'll come in for five minutes and, and he brings time starts now yeah and as I'm walking in and I'm unlocking my door I'm like what am I doing is when it gets out of the car I see how tall he is as well right so I go oh my roommates here you know I pretend I have a roommate and I go so I you know and he's sleeping so I should probably but anyway he comes in we're chatting and he goes can I say something I'm like yeah he goes you are 50% men 50% woman I'm like thanks man thanks that's so cool. And I go, well, I am actually, I'm, I, I use they, them pronouns, because he's been saying she the whole time. I just haven't bothered to. I go, yeah, well, I actually, I use

them. He goes, no, I don't pay attention to that stuff. I just say what I see, and I see you are 50% man, and I'm like, cool, thanks, dude. And then he goes, bring it in. And now I'm hugging him. Anyway, so I go, I end up going, okay, I got to go to bed anyway. And so he is walking out and uh we're walking i'm walking him to the gate to lock it behind him he's and uh but he's a listen if he is listening he's you are a nice kind you are a nice guy and we appreciate you are a nice kind man follow it is just crazy for lose my number to invite a stranger into their home but then that is very forward for sure it's it's crazy and it's also 11 o'clock at night as a man you should know like maybe it's regardless of your pronouns like it's just like anyway and he I mean he I mean he wanted

to like collaborate on the script and stuff anyway so then as he's as he's walking out and I'm like okay I'm like this is actually fine he suddenly stops and he's just standing with his he's like facing the gate like that yeah with his back to me and I'm like oh oh no then he turns around and his eyes are closed and he starts going Though the word is the nerve, though it travels through my veins, through the universe, to God is my name. He starts freestyle beat poetry. He can't be a spoken word poet all of a sudden. He is. And he does this kind of amazing like three minute long, like it's the length of an M&M song. It's verse after verse that he's written. It wasn't freestyle.

No, it wasn't free style. He's done it before. He's done it before, yeah. And he's like, oh, I just came up with this. Yeah, I got news for you. And he finishes. And what did you do? you just looked at him while he did you join in start going i know what you're saying here's the word and blah blah blah blah would you call it spoken word or rapping it was more spoken word uh his his eyes were closed and then so i i just went whoa that was amazing did you write that he's like i wrote that in high school i'm like wow and then he and then he left and then we texted a little bit after that but i did i mean and i know the response is going to be listen i sometimes go on the handsome reddit page

people are concerned already about my mental health and safety yeah I'm fine I just was like I tapped into some teen version of myself that just says yes to everything and is like interested in random people and and then I did afterwards I was like like the more friends I told who were like what are you doing I was I thought that definitely was very dangerous yeah but he was super nice but I will not do that again for the record next time just be like oh I got to get up super early. I can't. Of course. Or my or say it'll be like, or you don't even have to say that. Just be like, no, you're not coming in my house. Yeah. That's what TIG would say. I would go for a coffee.

polite. Yeah. But then it leaves the door open for him to want to come in the next time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was out with Alison Dunbar, our mutual friend, um, probably a couple of years. She just called me. How funny. Tell her hello. Well, I was on this podcast while that happened. Oh, she called during the podcast? Oh, oh, okay. Oh, no way.

We were out. There was a, there was a, it was like a group at dinner. And this guy that was with Allison and Ron's group, grown man, probably mid-60s, was zeroed in on me, telling me he was getting a vibe that we were soulmates. Yeah. Wow. What do you mean? Yeah. I can see this. What, from their world? Somebody from their world. Yeah, I'm sitting there with my wife and gayer than the day is long. And I'm like, what do you? Like, I don't, he was like, can I get your number? I just feel like there's something here. He must have like seen your work. He feels like he knows you. And he's just like, this is my. I didn't get the vibe. He was familiar with me at all. Really?

He was just, yeah. He was just feeling that energy, baby. And I wasn't. And I didn't know what to do. But I mentioned it to Allison a while after. I was like, um, pardon me. But did she know this guy well? She was just like, oh my gosh.

She was like, that's Ron's, he's, he's nuts. You know what I mean? That kind of like Allison response. See, if he had, if that had happened to me, I would have been like, yep, here's my number and let's get to the bottom of what this un-cated country. Actually about friend soulmates is interesting. Yeah, yeah.

I've definitely had friend soulmates, you know? You don't have to talk about our friendship. But I didn't get the vibe one-sided and zero in on somebody and like try to get their number. Like it was a mutual thing where we're, I don't know. It was just such a bizarre thing to be out with my wife and have this. It seemed like he had fallen in love with me at first sight.

Oh, wow. You know? I wonder how if that's something that he feels often, like, or if this was truly the one time in his life. He still thinks about you, girl. Yeah. He's like, that tig. Should we hear what, uh... Think about them tig-o bitties.

What did I tell you? let's yeah let's hear pauline's uh answer yeah an answer to that question is that when i was in my early 20s or late teens i was hitchhiking across turkey and i i felt totally fine doing it and that was actually not the dangerous part at all that was a really lovely experience the dangerous part was that I got to Capodokia, which is a region in the eastern side of Turkey, and I went hiking on these really long hikes every day, and then would come back to the hostel. And only once I left, did I realize that I would go out every day without any water with no cell phone and no map, just an idea in my head of where I had come from and where I was

going back. So once I left Turkey, I was like, oh, that wasn't, that was, I was putting myself in grave danger. But in the moment, I thought, you know, I'm just going on the hike. Yeah. I don't know what that says. But that's my question. And I hope that you have a lovely day.

Aw. Thank you. That is, Pauline. A guy in Greece this last summer, I think a lot, yeah, last summer died. He was like with his wife at the beach. And he decided that he was going to walk back to. their hotel and he didn't have water or anything or cell phone and he got lost and it was like crazy hot and he like passed out and died on a hill good lord I feel like such an annoying

parent because I am so on Max and Finn about hydrating I'm just like guys to be come in have some what did you have water guys make sure you have some water but I'm just like yeah I'm so annoying because kids won't drink they'll forget and they won't drink like yeah yeah yeah um i like the way she delivered no water no phone no map just an idea in my head what did i tell you nothing better than pauline chalemay okay thank you for your question and your answer pauline that was a fun episode i have to say yeah it was one of those ones i'm going to be worried about what i've said but i really enjoyed it as always, it's a real pleasure to be with you, too. You too, by.

Don't you worry yourself. Don't you worry. A little cowboy. What do you got coming up, Tigg? I am going to be in Biloxi, Mississippi. This is me heading home doing some comedy in my home state of Mississippi. I'm also going to be in Salt Lake City, Utah, on, October 11th, and all of my show and ticket information is tignotaro.com. I'm doing local

Los Angeles shows with new material. Oh, and also make a note, November 14th, Apple TV, the documentary about the brilliant Andrea Gibson and Andrea's wife, Meg Fowley, come see me in the good light, November 14th on Apple TV. I have, well, way, It's coming out in two days on Netflix. So please stream it. Share it. Yeah, I'm really pumped and let me know of what you think. Or not

if you don't like it. But also, my Etsy store where I'm selling these animal paintings is launched. A hundred percent of the profits are going to Doctors Without Borders. Such an amazing charity. They go in, they're in 70 countries in the world. They go into

crisis situations and deliver amazing life-saving medical care. They're doing incredible work in Gaza and Sudan. So, yeah, check out if you search Animal Art by May on Etsy and grab your weird little your weird little merch.

Awesome. That's amazing, bud. Thanks. So I've had to reschedule a bunch of stand-up dates so I apologize to any handsome listener affected by that. We have found rescheduled dates for all of those. It's because I'm filming this new Netflix TV series, and I hate to reschedule, but I just was part of it doing this day.

It happens. It happens. So we'll definitely have those dates coming. But all the Saturday shows for sure happening, like D.C., Boston, Atlanta, Chicago, San Jose, and then all the Florida shows, as well as Vancouver and C. Seattle. So yeah, get your tickets. If you're new to the podcast, subscribe. Even if you're old to

the podcast, subscribe. That is the best way to keep this show going. Subscribe to the audio version as well as the YouTube version of the show. And also rate and review us. And check out our merch. Speaking of merch, we have some amazing stuff on handsomepod.com. Also, share an episode. If you liked this episode, think of a couple of people to share. it with and be like, hey, come join the handsome community. And it's very handsome. And until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

That was a podcast. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking that your smart doorbell is charged is not smart. It might feel like a long time since you've had visitors when actually your doorbell has just been out of battery for a week. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hand. with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.