Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #10

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

Tig and Mae talk about moving to Italy for love and dragon hoards on another Pretty Little Episode!We have new Handsome merch just in time for spooky season! Get your "Yeah Ghost" tees and "Keep It Handsome" hoodies now at handsomepod.comHandsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Every time.

Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. Dance upon a pretty little episode.

Every time. Every time. Every time. It's a delight. Yeah. And I can't, we say pretty little episode. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's a really good thing to call it. Hey, guess what, Tig? What? I got my hair trimmed and the person cutting it goes, well, she was dying it too for like continuity for the show.

And she goes, I like the salt and pepper. Should we keep it? I go, sorry? She goes, yeah, like in the back and sides here, you got salt and pepper. And I was like, well, here we go. And I went, I hadn't noticed it. And then I look and I got like a 12 to 14 fully gray hairs. OK, and does that terrify you?

And did it remind you looking at me? Is that what reminded you? Well, honestly, I was thinking it's fucking cool. You've got it like in your sideburn there. And it's a very cool look. And I thought I want to be distinguished. Yeah, I got to embrace this. And it also was like, oh man, I've been having a tough summer. I've gone gray, like over stress, I think. Yeah.

Well, I think I've shared my another ex of mine used to call it going great. Going great. I like that. Can you picture me with fully salt and pepper hair? I'm really not great at picturing things. I have to see things. Like Stephanie will be like, should I wear this thing with this? And I'm like, I don't know.

You have to put it on so I can see it. Yeah. But I'm usually, I don't know, you have to put it on so I can see it. Yeah. But I'm usually into salt and pepper hair. Yeah. I do have moments when I'm, and maybe I've talked about this on the podcast. I have moments when I'm sitting around with like beautiful, glamorous actresses.

Yeah. Have I talked about this? I don't think so, but. And it dawned on me recently Have I talked about this? I don't think so. It dawned on me recently that they might be staring at me going, does she not know that she can bleach her teeth? Does she not know that she can dye her hair? Oh my God.

Does she not know? If you must know, I haven't done anything. I mean, you don't, you don't need to do anything. I think if you had like, like paper white teeth, like, like that gleaming, like it would be so strange. Yeah. Or like a full jet black hair. Yeah.

Yeah. Jet black mustache as well. Yeah. Which I would do, but, um, I don't know. I think I would imagine you would look good. You're obviously an attractive person. So why? Careful. Okay. I am married, but you know, you can be on a diet and still look at the menu. Okay? I do wonder if I'll get like Botox and stuff one day.

I think I probably will. I think the technology will get so good that it'll just be like a two second thing, you know? So if it gets good, should I do it then? Well, I don't know. It's not the, I mean, you don't- Go on, give me an honest answer. I'm trying to think, I was just thinking like,

would it hinder your performance acting-wise, not being able to emote that much? And then I thought... Oh, see, my abilities hinder my acting. We can't blame this on Botox or whitened teeth. But yeah, I do have fantasies sometimes about just going for it. Like, bleaching my teeth, getting Botox and filler and dying my hair, getting some fake boobs and just really going for it. I feel like you would do that as a bit and you'd really commit to the bit.

I was about to say, and I'd mainly do it as a bit. Yeah. I think it'd be worth it. But can't you kind of backtrack if you do that stuff? Don't your teeth become yellow and stuff again? Yeah. Yeah. Botox is temporary.

I guess if you get something like a really bad facelift from some back alley surgeon, then I don't know if you'd be able to backtrack. Well, I wouldn't get a face lift. I would just get stuff you could put in and then maybe take out or it wears off. I don't know exactly what the process is. The filler looks crazy on people. Sometimes people just start, they look like a balloon.

Like they look so kind of, yeah, it's weird. And then there's others that look like a deflated balloon, like myself. No, you are the handsomest. That's all I needed to hear. I also have had moments where I'm like, and I don't feel even remotely trans, but there's moments where I think,

oh, how could I do that just out of curiosity to like see what that would look like or how that would feel? Yeah, there's no rules. There's no rules. I know, but I mean, and then, but does it wear off where you can go back and- Some things do, because I obviously like

when I started taking testosterone, you know, because you don't really know how you're gonna feel. I was like, what's reversible, what's not? And yeah, things like your voice dropping, that it doesn't go back. Although my voice has really not dropped significantly. My voice, yesterday I realized my female co-star

has a deeper voice than me. She's like, hi, Mae. And I'm like, anyway, guys. But yeah, if your voice drops, it doesn't go back. But things like body hair and weight distribution, and I think that stuff is reversible. Okay. And where does the weight distribute to?

Without being on testosterone, it would go more to your hips and your butt. And then on testosterone, it goes more to your abdomen and you build muscle easier. So wait, you gain fat in your stomach? It's more like if you do gain fat, it goes to different parts of your body. Well maybe I'll get my teeth bleached, I'll dye my hair black. Yeah, go on testosterone for a bit.

Yeah, I'll get filler and Botox. And get boobs, but go on testosterone. But go on testosterone. Yeah. And just, just see. I mean, it's like, we're only alive once. Exactly. Yeah.

I mean, as far as I know. Yeah. As far as we know. Yeah. What if you live, do you think cats are like, come on, you only live seven times? Yeah. Wait, is it seven? Oh, nine. Oh, nine, nine. Yeah. Come on, guys. That one is it seven? Oh, nine.

Oh, nine, nine, yeah. Come on, guys. Well, that one's already lost too, yeah. Let's jump off the roof. We only live nine times. We gotta do this. Why do cats have nine lives? Yeah, why do they say that? I don't know.

Do you think you'd live differently if you knew you were gonna come back eight more times? Hmm. But you don't know which number you're on. You just know everybody gets nine chances. Yeah, I would probably do, well, I'd have to get over my fear of heights and stuff. Why? Because I'm picturing myself doing,

I guess, because I look like Tom Cruise, I'm picturing myself doing Tom Cruise type things, like ramping off of something on a motorcycle. So you'd be more risky. Like you wouldn't be so risk averse if you knew. Right, right. I think it would take away some of my motivation. I'd end up scrolling on my phone even more

because I'd be like, I've got eight more lives. Well listen, Pretty Little Episodes, famously, are where we take listener questions and hear what people want to hear from us. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody's talking about it. I love that song. Me too. That song.

Yeah, should we listen to our question? Yes, please. Hello, hands too. That song. Yeah. Should we listen to our question? Yes, please. Hello, handsoms. My name is Angela. I'm 53 years old and I'm originally from Indiana. However, I've lived most of the last 23 years in Northwest Italy after I met, fell in love, and married an Italian. My question for you is, would you ever

want to move to a foreign country and live out the rest of your life there? And if you would, where would you like to move to and why? So where would we live? If we were going to move for the rest of our days to a foreign country. If it was for love like Angela, I would do that. I feel like that's kind of the only thing that it's worth. Wait, I was going to say that it's worth living in a foreign country for, but that's not what I mean. I mean like that it's worth uprooting your life and really, I don't know what I'm saying, actually. But that's not even true because you moved to the States. Yeah, and I moved to England for 12 years.

Your story is falling apart very quickly. Sounds like you'll go on a whim no matter what. But she doesn't speak the, I mean, to move somewhere with a different dominant language, that's like a big... Oh, is that part of the question? To move to another country? No, but let's pretend it is because that's kind of juicy. Yeah. I mean, Stephanie and I have vacationed in Amsterdam. We've gone to Amsterdam a bunch.

I love it there. Yeah. It's just so beautiful and fun. And it's like socially progressed. Like Norway, Finland, those places are... Although I go back to climate change. But does that make you want to get away from LA a little bit? Climate change? Yeah, because LA is going to be rough, I think.

Oh, LA is already rough. Yeah, maybe New Zealand. Yeah, New Zealand's good, Canada's good. If I was gonna move somewhere with like a totally different culture, and it was for love, let's say, I would move to, well, my parents moved to Greece in their 20s for five years,

and Greece is pretty beautiful, but I think I'd want a kind of more urban feel. Yeah, Amsterdam's looking pretty good. Berlin, I love Berlin, but comedy-wise, I don't know. I feel like- Amsterdam's got the comedy scene too. Yeah, exactly. And you'd find me in a window in a red light district. I'd live happy as Riley live in the dream. Would you would you do that? Yeah, I feel like we've talked on the pot about how when I moved to England, I I looked into becoming a an escort for women, but there wasn't much of a demand. Yeah, there wasn't a market for it.

Yeah. What if you signed up as an escort for men? Well, I'd have to advertise really clearly what they were getting. You're getting a little cowboy and you better be prepared for it. What if you signed up as an escort for men? Well, I'd have to advertise really clearly what they were getting. You're getting a little cowboy and you better be prepared for that. Handsome homeowners, we know you love a good deal and we know you want the best home insurance you can possibly get. Well, you can save and get a great policy by switching to Allstate today. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings.

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where it's topless housekeeping cleaning? No, wait, what? You're kidding. No, there is a business where you can hire topless housekeepers. You're joking. May I'm not. Thomas, you know this to be true, right? Also, yeah, are you going to say, imagine if you and I worked there? Well, I always, whenever I see that, I'm like, oh my God, what if I interviewed for that job

and I just had scars across my chest. And they'd be trying to not make it obvious that they're discriminating based on that. Yeah, yeah. Wow, I didn't know that existed. That's so wild. I still think I should do some sort of prank and see if I can get some cameras in there with me trying to get a job there. I think you should do that too. Pretty good cleaner. Are you? Yeah, I just don't have boobs. Right. Yeah. So let's do let's move

to Amsterdam if we're gonna. Yeah. I like Iceland, but it's that I couldn't do like dark all winter. They've been having volcanoes erupting. I'm not interested in that. There's nowhere to escape, no place to escape. Dude, ain't that the truth? And you never escape yourself. No, no you don't. The man in the mirror is always looking back at you.

Yes, indeed. Do you speak French pretty well? Yeah. Here we go. Oh my God. No. Tig, I was on a red carpet at TIFF and they were... Congrats, May!

Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, congrats. And they're, you know, you're going down the line and they're interviewing. And so this person's like, hello, this is CBC Canada. Do you have a message for our French Canadian listeners in French? And I go, bien sûr. And then I blank.

And then I couldn't think of anything to say. And I go, c'est l'Halloween, which was like this song about Halloween that this pineapple used to sing when you're in school, this pineapple teaches you and he goes, C'est l'Halloween, hey, C'est l'Halloween. And the woman looks so disappointed. Thomas is nodding his head, he clearly knows. I love that song.

Yes, and it's just, it's so insane to think of French Canadian people hearing me be like, of course I have a message, it's just so insane to think of French Canadian people hearing me be like, of course I have a message. It's Halloween. The woman looks so disappointed. Better than I can do. Yeah. You had to do a French accent in something too, right? I did. Why'd you have to bring it up? I did that Indigo Girls musical. I loved what you did before there with...

I loved what you did before there was... Ehhhhhh... You know, I have to say... I really was ashamed... by my performance. But did I tell you I got a text from Amy Ray from the Indigo Girls? No. She said that she was dying laughing. That she thought, no, she when she watched the movie, she was

laughing at my part. And I don't even think she was laughing at me having a bad accent. Like, I think she thought I did a good job. And, and that has actually helped me because it was, I was carrying a lot of shame. I was carrying, oh, oh yes. I just, it was hard for me to, you know, I went to screenings of the movie and was promoting it. When I'd sit through it, I'd be like, oh God, oh God.

And when you were promoting it, did you keep like, referent, like making fun of yourself? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Haven't you found like, just from sitting in an edit and having to watch myself, I found like, we don't know, like, sometimes I'll be like, oh, I, I in that take was thinking about something completely different.

I was not present. I was not. And then everyone's like, that's our, we like that take. You're like, nobody, we don't know anything about ourselves really. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess my character, people thought was funny, but I'm very focused on, I did a terrible French accent. And I think what comes over me is like, I just feel like an imposter in that moment. And I'm like, of course. Yeah. Anyway, I don't need to go on about moment. And I'm like... Of course. Yeah, anyway, I don't need to go on about it.

I'm sure, I think if it was that bad, they would have told you not to do it. Well, that's what I have to just go with, when you're filming and you think that wasn't quite right, like you're just saying, and then the director isn't gonna move on if they're not happy with it. Totally.

But at least Amy Ray was happy with it. But at least Amy Rae was happy with it. Should we hear the answer? Yeah, let's hear it. Oh, we know the answer because she moved to Italy with her true love. Should we hear another question? I think we should. Hi, handsome. It's Maddie from the great Nod state of D.C. My question is, if you were a dragon, what would you hoard?

Like most dragons sit on a pile of gold or something. Hmm, I feel like this is somebody up your alley, Mae. Why, because I like dragons? I don't know. It feels very Mae, like if you were a dragon, and then even knowing that dragons sit on things, I'm like, what do you mean? I only know fire flies out of their mouths, you know? Dragons sit on things. Yeah, you're right, actually. When I heard the word dragon, I

did get a little flicker of enthusiasm. And do you know that dragons sit on things? Of course. Well, yeah, they, you ever read The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munch? Of course not. Oh, it's a classic. Yeah, dragons, they hoard gold and things usually. But I didn't know. Even though I'm a big fan of Pete's dragon.

Oh really? Yeah, Pete's dragon's good. I do hyper fixate on things though, and I buy. So right now I'm into vintage cameras, like 35 millimeter film still photography. And so I'll just go on eBay and be getting these cameras for like 50 bucks and they show up and I don't even remember ordering them.

And I've got, so I'd be a dragon sitting on a bunch of old cameras, I think. Wow. And then cameras would just be taken pictures of your backside. Yeah, my scaly bumhole. Yeah, yeah. What about you? What would you hoard? What would I hoard? Vegan desserts? Yes, I would hoard vegan

desserts. I would just sit on a key lime pie, a vegan key lime pie. Tiramisu actually. Did you know that's a fetish? What? Sitting on cake. No. It's a fetish where people, they take their underwear off and they sit on cake. May, May, they're punties, May, they're punties. And wait, do these people do this by themselves?

It's just like their home alone sitting on a cake? All I know is there's- They swing by the grocery store, go into the bakery and pick up a few cakes for the week. Yeah. I know there's a lot of videos. There's like a whole community of cake sitters. Hey, I want to swing by later on. I'm going to be sitting on a cake. What would I hoard? I would hoard. I feel like you would just hoard your family. Like you would just sit on your-

I just sit on my family. You would just sit on your family and be like- And my cats. Yes. Get in there. Got you guys. Yeah. But probably cats.

Yeah. A drive-in hoarding cat. Yeah. I would just feel like, come on, because I'm always asking Stephanie, don't we have room for just one more? And she's like, no, we have three and it's a perfect dynamic.

They travel around the house together, sleep together. And she said, if we brought in the wrong fourth kitty, it could just destroy the peace in our home. It would be like when you introduce polyamory into a relationship, you're playing with fire. Exactly. You got to get the unicorn, like the perfect cat and the chances are someone's going to get jealous.

I know. And we have three perfect cats. And that's why I'm like, that's that gambling where I'm like, I'm sure that fourth perfect one is out there. Well, if it's if it's nurture, not nature, then you could create the perfect cat. Get it. Brand new kitten. Yeah. OK, so you're as a dragon in a cave sitting on like 25. Oh, my God. Way more than 25. Way more. Way more. So.

Do we hear Maddie's answer? Yes, we should. My answer is I would be hoarding all of the lost socks from the dryer. I'm the reason that you only have one of the pair always. Thank you. Okay, I love her. I love I'm the reason. I am the reason. Yeah, I like that a lot. I didn't realize that they get stuck down the side of the dryer. I thought it was like one of life's great mysteries. How come you lose one sock? But apparently it's because they're small enough, they work their way into your dryer.

Oh, I didn't know that. That seems like a fire hazard. Yeah. Well, not our problem. Not our problem. Until our dryer explodes, then it is our problem. Yeah. Well, not our problem. Not our problem. Until our dryer explodes, then it is our problem. Yeah. Well, that was a fun episode.

It was. I like our vibe. I love our vibe. Yeah, I love our vibe. It reminds me of just having lunch with you, you know? I know. I know. What the hell?

What the hell? Get a clue, Fortune. Get a clue, Fortune Marie. Yeah, I hope people, please keep sending in your questions. Oh, what the hell? What the hell? Get a clue, Fortune. Get a clue, Fortune Marie. Yeah, I hope people, please keep sending in your questions. For sure, and tell your friends about this podcast because people are always saying, we don't want it to end, we don't want it to end.

Well, the way to keep it going is to continue listening, subscribe, and share episodes that you love with your friends and continue to grow this really incredible community. To keep it going, keep it growing. Mm-hmm, that's right. And until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette, email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. Home shopping season is here. That means you're on the lookout for new home insurance whether you're new to the market or an existing homeowner. Allstate can save you time and money on your home insurance policy. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.