Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #110

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Fortune and Tig borrow a cup of sugar from their fantasy gay-bors and let their listeners how they want to be yelled at on a Pretty Little Episode that will have you shouting "KEEP IT HANDSOME" from across the street!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I packed my depuffer before going on a long trip out of town. I'm dejected. Now I'm three time zones from home with a face like a marshmallow and nothing to fix it. I didn't know I could miss a robot. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate First for an auto quote.

It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All state North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome Pot. Chatting the friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the pretty little episode of Handsome.

I'm Fortune Feamster. And I am Tignotaro. I'm your co-host. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Co-hosting. Yes, I'm in Iowa. Iowa.

Do you want stand up? No, just vacationing. You didn't know to take me seriously or because it seems like. Too is, I guess. I never know when the boys might have a hankering to go. Or even myself. I like small towns, minor markets. even to vacation in.

There you go. But I am doing shows. Nice. Yes. And last night I did Iowa City, which was my first time back to the road after I was sick in 2012. And so it holds a really special place in my heart. Yeah. That's cool.

I've been back. I was, I was. I was backstage in 2013 because I took a year off of the road to recover. And I remember waiting backstage in Iowa City at the theater. And it had sold out. And I was thinking, okay, I have a new fan base. I was feeling insecure. Like, oh, if people have come to me from having had cancer,

I don't have anything dark or, you know, I was just feeling insecure. Yeah. And then I thought, you know what? I just have to trust that if people like me, they're going to like me with or without cancer, dark material. And I went out on stage and they were just the most awesome audience. And so to this day, I just sing Iowa City's praises. I love it. Yeah, so it's always nice to come back

and always nice to remind the audiences there of that experience. Yeah. So, yeah, it was a fun show. And yeah, so that's that. How are you? I'm good. I've been away for two weeks, and I just walked in my door a couple hours ago

before I have to wake up early and head back out. again tomorrow for three nights of shows. Where are you headed? I'm headed to Boise, Portland, Oregon, and Austin, Texas. I mean, could you get any better with those cities? I know. There's some great cities. I'm doing five shows.

Yeah. So it's a big weekend. I've been traveling all over. I feel like I've lived five lives in the last two weeks. Yeah. Just going from, I had a bunch of shows. and then visiting my mom and then my friend's 50th birthday. Then I went to the U.S. Open.

I visited another friend. It's just been like so many things. And how is the U.S. Open? Really cool. I had never been before. But I love tennis. I played my whole life and I played in college. And I got the opportunity to go and I took my brother.

He's a big tennis player and fan as well. Nice. So we saw Cocoa Golf play, and she's incredible. That was the big match of that day. And it was great. I got to try their little honey-duce drink. It's this little vodka lemonade drink. So I got my...

Was that tasty? It was a tasty treat on a hot summer day. I didn't get drunk, but I enjoyed myself one in the afternoon and one in the evening because we stayed all day and watched tennis. And did your brother have one? He had one as well. Yeah. It's like their signature drink of the tournament now.

That's great. We wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And is it worth the hype? The drink is worth the hype. It is very good. Especially because it's so hot there still. And so it definitely feels very refreshing. The one thing that was not worth the

hype. Someone let me try. They sell these little packs of chicken nuggets and it has caviar and cream fresh and these little different things you can put on the nugget and it's like all the rage

but it's expensive because of the caviar and I was going to for the gram as they call it buy one to try it but my neighbor friend this very lovely gentleman said here have one of mine.

I was like, no, no, no. The guy sitting next to you. Yeah, in the sweet over. Oh, oh, I see. Because I just was like, hey, let me know if those are any good. I might get one tonight. And he was like, here, have one of these. And I was like, no, no, no.

I don't want to take your nugs. I'll get my own nugs. Sure. And then he was like, no, I insist. And I'm kind of glad he did that because I had it. And I was like, eh, not what's the hype? And what are we talking when you say it's expensive? Like a hundred bucks.

for a little pack of, it's because of the caviar. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And how much would that be if you weren't at the U.S. Open, would you imagine? Oh, I mean, caviar, a little ten of it would probably still be about 40 bucks. Mm-hmm.

And then, you know. But you're also paying to watch tennis while you eat. You're playing to watch tennis. You're paying extra because it's in a cute little box. What did the box look like? It's a cute little orange box. You know, like... Girl, tell me, I don't.

Girl, sometimes they have like a sushi box to go at certain places where there's little compartments. Yeah, yeah. It's like that. So you're paying for the cuteness. Yeah, which I'm happy to do. I know you love it. And you're paying for a gram content situation, you know what I mean? Oh, Instagram.

Okay, right? Yeah, that's what they call it, the gram. Now, if... Girl. Do you really call it the gram? Are you just being silly right now? I'm being silly. I don't call the gram. Okay.

People call it the gram. Okay. All right. Or they used to, maybe five years ago. I can't be certain. It comes back around and it's just Instagram now. I think so. Okay. Yeah. Things go in and out of style, my friend.

Yeah. But you know what? We never. go out of style. We never go out of style. She's good. You and me. Yeah. You know, I don't listen to our show. I'm going to just come out and tell you. I don't listen to handsome. But sometimes if Thomas flags, like people are loving this episode or we're getting a lot of comments or this is really funny, there have been a few times where I'm like, you know what? I'm on the road. I'm going to listen.

I have to say I listened to the John Lovett episode. And I had myself a good little cackle. Oh yeah? Okay.

Wait, which one was that? That was, was that go to you hall? Yeah, and unfortunately getting a little tipsy at some Beano. Yeah, I had a little Bino.

I was in Provincetown. And then I went a little further and I listened to the John Ross Bowie episode. Whoa. I listened to two handsome episodes back to back. And I was like, you know what? Our listeners are on to something. They're on to something.

Yeah. They're not listening to nonsense. It's entertaining. Right, but it is nonsense. I mean, there's hard in there. And it is interesting. Like, you know, we've talked about having chemistry. And it is interesting to listen to that.

Yeah. And it's kind of, I hate to sit here on my own show and talk about how good we are. You're like, we're good. Well, no, it's like, it's beyond me. I'm talking about us as a whole. The rapport of the group. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like, I don't know about you, but I'm not excited to see myself and things. I'm not excited to hear my comedy. But I think that there's something, you know, this is not something somebody else wrote for us to do. It's not our stand-up that we're doing on repeat night after night on tour. I'm sorry, listeners, if you think we're making it up each night brand new, it's not true. Anyway, so there was just, you know, reflecting on it, like, wow, we do have a good show and we have a good thing going on. So I hope we make it to April is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, I suggest if you have some time, throw in an episode.

You know, I should. And when I'm on the road, I'm going to download an episode and check it out myself. Because sometimes, like you said, I don't ever like watching myself or listening to myself. Because I'll be like, oh, in my own head, I sound better or funnier than what I'm currently listening to. Right. Yeah. I just, I was, I, I, I, it's probably been over a year since I listened to an episode and I was just once again, pleasantly surprised. Yeah.

Like, wow, that is fun. Look at us. Anyway, enough patting ourselves on the back or me patting all of our backs. I'll take it. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I packed my hiking shoes before going on the longest hike of my life. Now I'm 10 miles into the trail and a pair of flip-flops and my feet are filing a formal complaint. Yeah, checking first is handsome.

So check Allstate First for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Let's get to some questions. Yeah, let's do it. Hello, Handsoms.

My name is Lisa, and I'm calling from the Birxham. in Massachusetts, and I have the most amazing lesbian couple living right next door to me in my apartment building. They're funny, they're kind, they're interesting, they're just all around wonderful people and wonderful neighbors, and I affectionately refer to them as my gabor's. So my question to you all is, if you could choose anyone dead or alive to be your gabor's, who would they be and why? Interesting.

I do love a nice gaiber. Gavers. Won't you be my Gapers? Hey Gabor. It depends on which direction you want to go, right? Because you could live next door to some handy lesbians that are just like, they're there when you need help with something. When they, you know, if you need a power tool, if you need someone to check on your property. they're the protectors, you know.

They're going to have a tool belt on. Yeah, they're the givers, the helpers. Yeah. Now, on the flip side of that, sometimes it's fun to have a gay man couple. Because they're coming over with some fresh pasta. I mean, this isn't happening to me, but I'm just assuming they're, you know,

to offer some decorating advice. Lesbians don't bring over fresh pasta. They bring over leftovers. That's right. You're eating some pad tire from the night before. If not from a couple of nights so far. The gays are I inviting you over for a Manhattan. Yeah.

You know, it's just, it depends on what vibe you want. And truth be told, I love both vibes. So I'm trying to think of a couple that I would be. be stoked to live beside. Here's the thing. It sounds nice, but then it's also like gay or straight. I don't know if I need the pressure of somebody that I know living next door. You know what I mean?

Because then it's like, we should probably have them over for dinner. Oh, here they kind of stand out and, hi. You know, I like being a little and not. I mean, I'm very close and friendly with my name. When I say very close, I'm deeply friendly with all of our neighbors. Yeah. We are, none of them are gay, unless it's secretive. But I love our relationships.

We're all very friendly. We help each other out. We leave food at each other's doors. And it's just really nice. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. When my house seemed to be on fire recently. they all got together and sprayed it down.

It was really incredible. Well, we need one of them to be gay. Sorry. Okay. I will say during the pandemic, we spent some time in Palm Springs and my friend Paige Hurwitz had a house down there. And we were only like four houses down from her. And that was pretty great because we would go over there for barbecues.

Paige is a good time. Paige is a good time. And she was manning the grill. And she... Wool manning the grill. She was making some delicious burgers, some veggies. And so she, no leftovers there. It was all fresh.

So she was doing a great job hosting. Okay. And I think it's all about. having a friend or a Gabor who, you know, you hang when it's, when you both want to, but you're not pressuring each other. Okay. Or like showing up at each other's door on, you know, unannounced all the time. You had a good, there was a good, like, give and take there.

Yeah. And then also, also in Palm Springs, there's these two lovely gay men named Kent and Kevin, who are the most magnificent host. And they would be fun to be neighbors with because they make amazing Manhattan's. And they would invite me over and have all my favorite junk food from different fast food places for me, knowing that I love trash food. Yeah. And I appreciated that they were so thoughtful. Yes.

And then I had this amazing Manhattan with extra cherry juice. To wash it down. To wash it to wash it down. And their house is stunning and the kind of place you want to hang out in because it's just like everything is beautiful, an amazing cozy fireplace. Everything's pristine. That's a fun vibe too. So both hangs. I could use either of them as Gabor's.

Okay. I know who I want next door. They're not a romantic couple. Okay. Can I break a rule? You can do whatever you want. I'm just going to throw the Indigo girls next door. Oh, okay.

And then I get their music coming over. I feel like I could be like, Emily, Amy, you guys need to back off. You're trying to like come hang out at my house all the time. Just give me a little space. Yeah, yeah. Sing your songs and then, you know. And leave you be. And just, well, not leave me be, but like they're really.

Leave me be. No, it's just. It's just that they're. trying too hard to hang out all the time. Right. Well, they're busy. They tore a lot. I know, but they still find time to always become. I know, but they're still finding ways to come over to my house when we're trying to go to bed or something. And I'm just like, guys. In their nightgowns. In their nightgowns. I'm in mine. Yeah, so I think that's who I would like, I feel like between the two of them somebody's handy, somebody can make some food, somebody can sing me a song. I love that.

I had lunch with Emily a couple months ago and she was delightful company. Isn't she? Yeah, why isn't Amy taking us to lunch? I don't know. Not that y'all might be neighbors, you can work on that. I'm going to have them over for lunch, you know. Yes. But they can't stay all night playing. No. Like they have to go home and sing from their house that they live in together. That's right. Yeah.

And should we hear Lisa's answer? We should. Okay. Big shout out to Vanessa and Carrie, my own personal dream gaivers, who also love you all. And thank you for keeping it handsome and keeping us all laughing. Love you. Oh. Is Lisa gay?

This is what I can't figure out. It doesn't sound like it to me. But it kind of sounds like she's gay. I don't think so. I got the vibe that Lisa was appreciating her gay neighbors. No, I get that. I'm just saying she sounds gay. Maybe we've just rubbed off on her.

So when she called. You've been rubbing off on our listeners? I guess so. Fortune Marie. All right. What's our next question? I got to rub off on something. Am I right?

Girl, girl, girl. Girl. I'm calling, speaking. I guess, from Orange County, Southern California. And my question is, if we see one of you guys out in the wild and we can't contain our excitement, and we don't want to be annoying and, like, come up to you and ruin your day, but we want to acknowledge our fandom, like, what are you okay with us yelling at you from across the street? Is it anything?

Is it just keep it handsome? Like, what are the rules for us to get, like, a cool little finger guns? and just to acknowledge that we're obsessed with you, but to not be weird obsessed. Okay, thanks so much. Love you guys. Oh, my God. That's so funny. That's such a good, funny question.

I think it really depends on who you're encountering because we all three have a very different approach. I know there's small, medium, and large in the response. What would you say for yourself, TIG? Well, you know, not to go into my stand-up, but I had a story about a guy that I passed on a travel later at the airport where when we were facing each other coming towards each other, he was like, yo, Tig, what's up? And in that moment, I thought, wow, I really like that. Yeah. Because it just, like, he's not going to say hi to me if he doesn't like me, you know? And then there's people that yell, keep it handsome.

I like that too. or if somebody just casually will be like, oh, I love your stuff, you know. Yeah. Those are my favorite interactions. Brief and keeping it moving.

And then I appreciate it even more. Right. Just no, no bear hugging you or breaking your ribs or anything like that. Or grabbing me. No grabbing tig. Yeah, sometimes you will grab me and it's startling.

Yeah. You have a, you have a little bit more boundaries than me and I. Yeah. May has no boundaries. None. That's what I'm saying small medium much. Yeah.

Your media. May you can go up and I feel like you can go home with. You can do a lot with May. Just no coconut lotion. No coconut anything. No coconut anything. But definitely don't start on May with lotion in your hands. No.

Not that. But everything else is pretty much a go. Yeah. I'm in the middle of like I'm pretty open as long as it's not like too insane. And I try to be mindful of like I'm with people so that they're not having to stop every two seconds. Well, yeah, and that's the other thing is when I'm with my family or my kids especially, I don't like things to get weird. Yeah. It's confusing to them.

Yeah. I always appreciate it. I mean, at the U.S. Open, I had several people yell, keep it handsome or love the pod or they'll reference something funny from the pod that always gives me a chuckle because I never know what thing people are going to pull from an episode. And do you remember it when they mention it? Half and half. I'm a lot of stream of conscience on this spot. I know. It's so funny. So I remember the like obviously the things that we reference that come back. Yeah.

I remember. But if it's like a very random like one time combo, maybe not. But I think it's so fun when you see men and women, yeah, I'll keep a handsome. I think that's such a treat. Like, such a fun nod to the podcast. And theydies. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Pretty little ladies and dainties. And people, sometimes they'll yell like pineapple apart or peanut butter bitch. I've been getting peanut butter bitch lately or something about gams. And those always tickle me. I love it shows that when people have different merch shirts. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm always pointing at those. Yeah.

I love to see those in person. Yeah, I'm often, I mean, with us being on the road a lot, we're often going through airports. and I high-five people or take pictures and do all that stuff. So yeah, just whatever, Alex, you, moves you in the moment in that world, give it, give it to us a little keep it handsome. Yeah, let's do it. Well, there we go. There we went.

There we. There we went. There we went again. Another fun A couple of questions for our listeners I never know what they're going to ask And it always It's fun to see what road we're going down

It's always Yeah it's like Always having to think and examine Yourself, your feeling Stuff you would never ever think about Yeah And it's so so fun And we never know what we're being asked ahead of time

So it's just pulling it right out of our our little noons, whatever it comes from when you listen back. Well, if you guys have any questions or advice that you would like to throw our way, you can go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. And you might end up on one of our preload episodes. And until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tignotaro, May Martin, and Fortune Themster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance, not checking that I have my sound board plugged in before I record the podcast. Wah, wah.

Sure, I can record the podcast without using sound effects, but it's a missed opportunity when I can't feel a long pause with cricket sounds. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

away.