Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #112

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

Mae and Fortune gives a nod to Chicago and Dirty Dancing as they pick their dream Handsome choreo on today's Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome pods. It's pretty little episode. It's me, Fortune Feemster. And me, Mae Martin.

I just had a little coughing fit there. I was about to say you were choking, so I decided to go on in there with the introduction. Thank you for that. You're welcome. Always got my back. That's right. I have a hard time, you know, drinking water and breathing at the same time.

It is complicated, you know? It's complicated. You never know how hard it is to breathe until you can't. Have you ever had a coffin fit on stage? Oh, I sure have. I was in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and I had just eaten a charcutory board pre-show. This is all very on point. And about midway through the show, I,

started coughing and then I caught and then all of a sudden I cough real big and a piece of cheese flew out of my mouth Lord onto the floor and I went did you guys see that and they were like yeah oh my god they probably thought it was part of your lung I know I was like that was disgusting I mean it was just a piece of cheese just lodged in there oh so yeah sometimes it happens Have you a coughing fit? I had cheese in my pocket. Yeah, I had a coughing fit. I flew to Australia to do the festivals,

and I must have caught like pneumonia on the plane. I have never been that sick. And then I coughed in a televised, like when you have a five-minute set at a gala, and just started coughing. And then when I had to speak again, my voice was like a little frog. It was like, oh, I'm like.

And then, so they, in the edit, they cut the coughing out, but halfway through my set, my voice just becomes like, anyway, guys. Oh my gosh. It was bad. Yeah.

That might have been the trip where I met you. It might have been. Yeah. It was back in like 2016 or something. Yeah. Yeah. I was on a mad tear during that time. Yeah, I was like single and at the festival with the moment.

Oh, you're singling. Singling and mingling. Yeah. Yeah. How are you, bud? I'm good. I'm currently in Florida right now. doing some shows.

My tour is at the tail end. I pulled into the hotel and in one of the parking spaces was a huge iguana. No. I was like, I'm definitely in Florida. Okay, should we Google what that means spiritually? Well, I mean, they're everywhere here. Just so you know.

Did you know that when it gets cold here, iguanas fall out of the tree? No, they just freeze? Yeah. They like, it freezes them and they fall out of the trees. Wow. It's a thing. And there's a lot of iguanas here.

Yeah. And they're big, right? They're very big. I mean, they're small ones too, but these are ginormous. Now, on my way here, my mom called me and she was reminiscing about her love of Florida from when she was in her childhood. They used to come here. And then we were about to hang up.

And she goes, oh, I have to remind you that Florida is full of alligators. Wherever there's water, there's an alligator. If you're sitting by a pretty chair with water near, there's an alligator. Oh, my God. And then she proceeds to tell me this horrifying story of this woman in an old folks community that had a lake. And you can imagine it didn't end well because it involved an alligator. And I was like, gobbled down?

Yes, trying to save her dog. And I was like, why aren't you calling to tell me this? She goes, they can even be in the pools. Oh, my God. Check your hotel swimming pool. I'm just like, did you call just to terrify me about bodies of water in Florida? But she'd be so pissed if you did get eaten by an alligator. Yeah, she'd like, I told her.

Yeah. That's right. They are scary as hell. They're dynos. there yeah they're um she was telling me how fast they are oh god yeah i there's some urban legend about a uh person who gets dragged underwatered by an alligator and then there's into like an underwater cave where where there's all the bodies so that the that must be fake i have no but i'm definitely not going to walk by any water yeah um i can promise you that i don't want to let her

down. If you're doing some bench sitting, just make sure you're in an urban place. I know. I'm not going to have any, not even a puddle near me. Hey, um, you know how we had our nicknames were LLC, anxious slot and easy tig. Yeah. Um, somebody online said that you should be business bitch. I like that. I like it. Business bitch like peanut butter rich is good. Business bitch. It's so fun when I see people wearing the peanut butter bitch shirt. out at my shows. Have you seen that? That's great.

I love it. Oh, God, it's good. A little peanut butter bitch out in the wild. Yeah, I've been eating a lot of peanut butter recently, actually. Me too. Well, not a lot, but I was at my hotel in Durham. They randomly had a little two-ounce thing of peanut butter in the mini bar. And I, about it.

Why doesn't every hotel do that? I know. It's like artisan peanut butter. Yeah. It was only like six bucks, which, you know, for a, mini bars, I felt was pretty reasonable. Not bad? So I was like, I'm taking this little peanut butter bitch with me.

I'm going to pay for this. Yeah. So I did. Yeah, I don't want like a peanut butter power bar, peanut butter granola bar. I want the butter. Yeah. I want that creamy. Ambrosia.

Creamy, crush, goodness. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've been watching Survivor. What have I been doing? painting a picture of Parvety's mom. All right. You know, you've got to do what you got to do.

How did Parvdi's mom become your subject? There's this beautiful photo of her. So her and Parv's dad went on a cruise and they bought nice clothes before they went because they knew that they'd have like a date night on the cruise. And so I guess he snapped this photo of her in their little cabin on the cruise. And she's just like flipping her hair and she's just like flipping her hair. and she's got a glass of champagne and it looks like

it's just such a beautiful photo and there's so much like joy in it my new thing is I'm only painting I'm pausing on the emotional animal paintings I'm painting moments that I would want to live in like nice moments yeah nice moments so hot mom alert huh

listen not hot mom alert that's not why I'm painting it just to me wheeo reo now I'm going to paint her I'm going to paint her dad next yeah all right I just like a good photo that has movement to it and feeling, you know.

I'd like to see these paintings when they're done. I got to do one for you. It's a hot mom. I know you love a hot mom. I should paint your hot mom. I should do a ginger painting. Yeah, she would love that. If you have a photo of her that you really love,

I would love to do that. I will look to see what I have. I'm sure I have something. I respond well to like a task. Like give me an assignment. I'll look for an older picture. Right now she wouldn't want to picture painting of her because she has a big old black eye.

Oh, right. Fucking hell yeah. She face planted and just landed right on the old eyeball. Oh, God, I'm glad it wasn't her nose. I know. My dad fell like two years ago and broke his nose. So, you know, parents getting older, man. It's a...

Parents fall. It ain't no joke. It's not a... It ain't no joke. The falling is something I used to... I remember with my grandmother, but you kind of forget about it. because my grandmother's passed long since. And now that we're entering this phase, I'm like, oh, yeah, like, staying on their feet is not easy.

Yeah, which is wild. There should be more, yeah, like, when does that happen that you just get on balance? But there should be more, like, I have a trainer in Toronto who I worked with when I was making wayward, and his specialty is working with older people on balance. Yeah. And, like, strengthening their legs and their core. Yeah. We had someone come in today that's going to meet with her once a week to keep working on the balance.

So that'll be good. That's great. And get one of those life alerts, one of those, I've fallen and I can't get up. Where did that phrase enter public consciousness? That was a commercial for Life Alert. No way. Oh, yeah. It was an old woman falling and going, I've fallen and I can't get up.

And we all just mocked her. We all like because yeah I knew that phrase we're cruel a cruel society like pre-internet when things would just get around I guess I knew help I've fallen and I can't get up I gotta find her one of those systems I don't know which one to get to get I bet there's great ones I need something where if she falls she can press that button because she also can't she actually can't get up so yeah she was in a pickle for a while and nobody knew oh I hate that I I don't know. What about, um, she's on the mind? Like some, putting some cameras up. Maybe. Hmm. I don't know.

That way, if you don't hear from her, you can just check in or like spy on her and then freak her out, text her. I was on a mission to improve the lighting in a dark hallway of my home. So I went on Wayfair and I found this mid-century modern wall sconce with a wooden base and this opal glass globe by George Oliver. Now my hallway is a whole mood. and I'm coming up with excuses to go from room to room just so I can experience it. Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget,

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Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Well, should we get to some questions? Yes, please, let's do it. Hey, handsome pod. My name's Lena, and I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm a big fan, love listening to you all, especially at the end of the day as part of my wind down routine.

My question is, if you had to pick one iconic dance choreography to learn and replicate, what would you choose? It could be from a movie, a music video, a Broadway musical, whatever. Oh, that's good. You know, it's funny, every time I watch TikTok, because there will be some sort of dance. that comes in and out, like, very popular, and everyone does it, and it feeds it up to you over and over again. And every time I watch those things, I was like, I could do that. Yeah, you could.

I know I could. Some of them may be, but some are very intricate, and I'm always like, I could easily do that. Would you ever do dancing with the stars? I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so. You got more moves than TIG or I. Like take on the dance floor, we know, just like sort of claps and bobs. Yeah, snaps and claps and bobs.

You can tear it up. It looks, I mean, Nikki Glazer did it and said it was so hard. Really? So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I have that in me. Okay, the first dance that came to mind for me was Saturday Night Fever, John Travolta and his dance partner. I like a 70s

disco he was so good yeah yeah so I think maybe that I mean obviously dirty dancing oh you want to do the do you want to be the one lifted

or the one lift lifting I'd like to be lifted you want to be lifted yeah well Brett Goldstein and I did a live show that we would always end with a dance

and he would lie on his back and kind of Superman me like lift me and it felt good. Yeah, all right. It felt like a little princess. Well, that last dance they do is iconic.

Yeah. You know, they're all in a triangle. He's at the front. They're dancing towards baby. Yeah. And they're doing a little look back and look forward. Oh, fuck. Yeah, that's good.

And she's like, and she's like, go to YouTube. Fortune just did it. The look back and the look back and then this and then do the little dip down. And then she's like, She does this and then he's like ready for. And then she runs and, I've had the time of my life.

Okay, well, we got a challenge for the Holly Bob's show then. We've got to start practicing some kind of dance. Some of my teachers at dance. Anything. It's all I want is to have. That's an iconic dance for sure. I wouldn't mind learning that one. Imagine if you just had like four months with no work and you're only

assignment was to like do like self-betterment like yeah you have the time in the space to be like okay three days a week i'm i'm learning this dance with this instructor yeah okay be pretty good at that dance if you had all that time for it we anyone could do anything that's what i'm learning i would anyone could do anything that dance i also wouldn't mind uh nailing uh biancese all the single ladies oh yeah i know i'm about what 12 years behind on that one no but uh you But it never, it's, it's evergreen. Yeah. It's that, that.

I learned the little, you know, arm thing. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then the hand, you know. And we know it, like, I've always wanted to do a magic mic thing to pony. Oh, yeah. I keep talking about it and then have nothing to deliver. So that I'm, yeah.

That would be a good one. What Lena has to say? Maybe she has ideas. Yeah. So I actually. did this. When I turned 50, I was feeling this pull to get back into dancing and music, partly after my dad passed away. I'd always loved dirty dancing, that final dance since first seeing that movie in high school. And so I decided I was going to learn the whole thing. I hired a ballroom dance

instructor. I spent so long working on it. And wow, it was tons and tons of fun, lots of joy, lots of fun, but it was so much harder than it looks. Okay, thanks and keep up the great work. She's like, just so you know, it's going to be very hard. I know, and she said she was getting back into dancing, so she already had a foundation. Well, that one might be tough. I know TIG's not going to be able to learn that one.

No offense. It's a TIG. What about in Chicago that he had it coming? Oh, that's the one that's, uh, the one that's, uh, Cistero. Oh, yeah, all that jazz. And all that jazz. And then they do this little like,

Let's learn that. Can we put that on the list, Thomas? It might already be on there. It's ringing a bell. There. Jazz. Yes. That's a good one too.

A little Bob Fosse. Come on. I mean, I'm like, since I saw Rocky Horror on Broadway, I'm feeling so inspired to, I'm like, let's put on a change. charity show and we do a musical. Like we all, I just want to get out there and dance. I actually think

Tig might be able to learn all that jazz before the time of my life song. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Thomas says it's already on the list. Yeah, it's from Bob the Drag Queen episode. We decided to learn a dance from Chicago. Maybe that, maybe we need to

learn that for the Holly Bob show. Yeah. At least we're consistent. At least these themes keep coming up. She's, Tiggs, one of us has to have a jazz dancer friend. Yeah, right? I don't personally, but maybe. I just hiccup to when I said right, by the way, sorry. Maybe TIG knows somebody.

TIG knew the tap dancer in Austin. I'm going to put the word out there. I think I do know someone, a choreographer. And you get that little hat, you do a little, oh, hell, yeah. I would love it. And then you even do this little thing with your. Yeah, you do. It's all these little intricacies.

But the first, you got to have rhythm. You got to have the rhythm of life. And that's what I'm worried about. I don't know if I have it. But I know I must. I must. Somewhere in me. I simply must.

Well, that I really want to have happened now, the holly bulbs. I'm with you. I'll help organize that. Okay. Yes. Let's get another question. Yes, indeed. Hi, Fortune, May, and Tig.

My name is Danielle and I'm recording in Rochester, New York, where I moved two years ago, but I'm originally from Toronto. Hey. I've been a fan from the beginning and recommend you to all my friends. My question for you is, if you were a nurse, what sort of specialty would you like to work in? There's cardiology, dermatology, mental health, labor and delivery, ER nursing, O-R nursing, and there's many more. Feel free to choose one that I didn't think of.

That's terrifying. The thought of that. I never thought about being a nurse because I know I would be a terrible nurse. Would you faint at blood? It's just so hard. I mean, hospitals are so tough, you know. Yeah. I went to visit the Children's Hospital with the charity event.

I do big, that I sometimes go to called Big Slick in Kansas City. Mm-hmm. And we go to the, to visit the kids. And, oh, my, it's so rewarding and amazing. but you just look at these nurses and you're like, how do they do this? These angels are in such bad shape sometimes. And that one would be a very difficult field in nursing in my opinion. Yeah.

Yeah. My good friend was an ER nurse like during the pandemic and stuff. And I was like it's crazy. They should be getting paid more than anyone. I had a ER doctor come up to me in Louisville. And he was like, I just want to tell you I was listening to your comedy during the pandemic. And I'm an ER doctor and it helped get me through. And he's like, I want to buy you a drink.

I'm like, no. Like, thank you. Like, you are doing the stuff. Oh, my God. Wow. I just couldn't believe it. Like, yeah, those are heroes. For sure.

I think I would go. with mental health, I guess, because I think I'm too squeamish for anything else. Yeah, I think I'd find that interesting. But, man, intense. Yeah, you know, my dad had open heart surgery a couple years ago. So it would have been the cardiology. Man, those nurses were pretty incredible. He ended up on a ventilator for three days.

And, you know, when he came out of it, his nurse was just like I was praying for him every day. And you just like, you know, forget like there is just as invested in people's well-being and getting them better. That's got to take a toll. But I felt that was, it just gave me such a new appreciation for nurses seeing like how much she cared about my dad and him getting better. and, you know, she was coming in and out trying to make him comfortable. And it just, man, it meant, it meant a lot. So cardiology could be interesting. I mean, but, you know, I have to say the birth, the birthing of the babies,

that'd be pretty cool. That'd be pretty cool, yeah. That's a positive one. In any operating room. Like, what if you did, what if you had a coughing fit and a piece of cheese came out? I know. A piece of cheese going right up someone's hoo-ho. Yeah, no, as I'm there to catch the baby.

Yeah, I think that works. You catch them? Yeah, you just catch them. They pop right out. You catch it like a pull them out. I mean, obviously, listen, I know there's a lot that can and does go wrong in childbirth as well. It's not all rainbows and butterflies over there. But seeing the cute little babies that are born.

Yeah, that would be a real treat. Although they're pretty grotesque when they're. first come out, they all look like little shriveled up old men. Slimy things. Yeah, they're cute, though. Yeah. Let's hear what Danielle has to say. My answer is that I actually am a nurse and I work in urology.

That's right, urology to do with the urinary track system and memory production. Not to be confused with neurology, which is the brain. That's right. I know that fortune did not choose urology because I do have to touch weeners all day long. But seriously, at the end of the day, for me, it's about the working conditions and the team. I am happy at my current workplace because I am treated well and I have great co-workers. Thanks so much for airing my question. You are the best. The only pod that has me laughing out loud alone driving in my car. Oh, thanks, Jim. I have to touch wieners all day long.

Yeah, girl, you keep, you do that. I'll let you do that. I hope she calls it, calls them wieners to her patients and I'm just like, okay, and just pop your wiener on the table. Poff your wiener out. I can't just call them anything else but wieners. It's just what they are. to me. Well, we appreciate you, Danielle. That's really cool. You keep those wieners in good health. Yes. Please do. What do you got coming up? I only have a couple things on this Sunday, October 11th. I'm doing a show at UCB with Atlanta Johnston and Matt Folliott. We're just doing improv and you can get live stream tickets. Please do. That is so helpful to us. And watch it for. from anywhere in the world, and the link is up for a week.

And then November 12th, I'm at Largo doing a music show, which is going to be very cool. I'd have a ton of California shows coming up from Oakland to Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo. I'd love people to come to my Los Angeles show, November 7th, Palm Springs. And then I just added Greeley Colorado in mid-November, so check that out. And get your tickets for our HollyBob show. Yes. December 12th at Dynasty Typewriter, live stream. We're putting it out early this year because we want people to have a runway to make a night of it if they want to have a handsome holly bob party.

And we're excited for that. If you have any questions or advice that you'd like to ask us, go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. Yes, please keep sending your questions. And we love you. And next time, keep it. Keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast, what a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.