Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #113

Episode Date: October 16, 2026

Fortune and Tig do some wedding planning and accidentally fuel a sibling rivalry on today's Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I put on some shorts before we debut the handsome gam cam. Oopsie. The whole point of the gam cam is to show off your gams. So you know I'm going to change out of these jeans quick. Yeah, check in first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote.

It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hatsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Pretty little episode.

Hi. It's your rose Tignotaro on the pretty little episode. I'm sitting here with... Fortune Feamster. Hi, Fortune Famster. Hello, Tignatoro. How are you? I'm all right.

I was... Notaro. Yes. I'm Italian. Well, it's great to see you, TIG. Oh, well, thank you. It's great to see you as well. You know, I got a little caught up in our theme song there.

Genshy. Just bipping and bopping? Yeah, well, with my fingers. I have heard you're good at finger in. No? Too soon. Too late. Is it too late?

Right on time, my friend. It's right on time. I find it hard to kind of pick out our voice. I kind of hear May is the most in the theme song. You know that's so funny. This time when I was listening to it, I was thinking that same exact thing. That May is more pronounced?

No, that I could just, I was just listening for like where our voices came in. I don't usually do. I know. I was like, because I was like, I hear May, May is predominantly in the beginning. And then when the long note goes, I can hear myself. And then obviously you at the end. Uh-huh. And I was, I'm not usually one of the theme song plays. Am I paying attention to that? Right. Kind of similarly over here. And then yet today on this pretty little episode, you and I both were listening. And how talented is May writing such an earworm?

Very talented. That is quite the catchy tune. It's good. It's real good. I wonder what the song would be like if it was a full three and a half minute pop song. Oh, yeah. Like would we go into a whole other chorus that no one saw coming? And a bridge and a guitar solo.

Remember when we wrote that song for our square. Space. You mean what Thomas did? Thomas wrote a song for us. Oh, wait. We weren't supposed to say that? No, it's okay. Have we not?

I thought we had told people. We haven't? Yeah, we have. Oh, okay. Our hit Christmas song that we sang that one time. Yeah, how does that go? Oh, something about holly bobs. Have a handsome holiday

Wish is Oh, right. Thomas, you and May should maybe write an album. Yeah, handsome holiday album. Yeah, and then I'll sing the lead, obviously. Of course. And we're already planning ahead this year that we know for sure we're having a holly bobb show. Yes.

So that will be very fun. Indeed. to love a live show and you never know what's going to happen. You never know what's going to happen. You never know who's going to be there if there's going to be anyone. But also, well, I think we should make, or not make, but suggest to May that they extend the song into a full-on pop song, have a bridge, have a solo, all of it. Okay. We'll pass that feedback along.

Yeah. The last time I saw you guys in person, May gave me this golden girls picture that I'm going to try to figure out where it can go on my wall of, what do you call these? My memorabilia? Sure.

I'm glad that May gave that to you because I kind of, like, I've seen the Golden Girls once or twice, but that would be one of those gifts where I'm like, I don't really know what, Why are there four older women in shoulder pads in this picture? I wouldn't know what to do with that. There's a lot of shoulder pads happening in this picture.

Well, it was the 80s, right? I love it. Wasn't it the 80s? The early 90s, late 80s, early 90s, like 86 into like early 90s maybe. Wow, so you were really a fan. Oh, I love the Golden Girls. I am a super fan. And did you wear shoulder pads?

I sure did. Did you? Well, that was only because my mom dressed me. Oh, right. It wasn't my golden girl's influence. It's just that my mom, anytime I had to dress up for something, she would take me to like some old lady's store. And she would find an outfit.

She'd like, oh, my, this is gorgeous. No, this is, I'm telling you, this makes you look slim. it's so feminine. And it'll just be like some shoulder pad like blazer with a long skirt that was like burnt orange.

I'm like, this is awful. It's so funny because it seems like shoulder pads in a blazer feels so masculine. It's so odd that it was a feminine touch that... You know what I'm saying?

It doesn't feel like, oh, I know what to do with a lady, put in shoulder pads and, you know, give her some broad shoulders. It was the times. It just was, that's what was in where shoulder pads, I joked in my stand-of-special sweet and salty that I looked like a lawyer who was like, let's go litigate, ladies. I also am influenced by that. those kind of ladies because look what I've been just bought myself it's an and these and

an andy's mint oh you know the little green are those for elderly women well they just were like they're from back in my grandmother's day these little i used to love those they're so good and i was just somewhere where they were for sale and i was like oh my girl seemed like those should be for sale Those feel like they're in a dish for free everywhere. Well, that's where I saw them was I took my dad out for his 80th birthday. Uh-huh. And it's an old school restaurant that's been there for decades in Charlotte. Your dad is 80?

Yeah, both my parents are now. He does not look that. Yeah. He's 80. Wow. And they have a little bowl of these Andy's mints. Uh-huh. I grabbed me four.

And then I said, this is not enough. And in the store, I'm going to buy some of these, and I did. Well, look at you throwing money around. Can't stop me. Andy's mints, that feels, again, as it feels so weird to buy, as weird as buying those round red and white pinch wheel mints. Oh, yeah. Like, can you imagine? Right, a store.

But like just a person in the world, nobody should be spending any money on the pinwheel mints, red and white mints, or Andy's. I'm sorry. I understand what you're saying, but I felt like I couldn't take more than four mints out of the ball without being judged. No. You said on a recent episode. you don't care what people think of you. And that's what happens when you get older and you eat things like Andy's mints and pinwheel mints.

You're old enough to not care what people are saying or thinking about you. You're right. My mom gave me that speech the other day. Why? Because she wanted me to do something I didn't want to do. And I was like, I don't want to drive into that place. And she goes, just do it. I go, it's a private driveway.

They don't care. I'm like, but I don't want to. She's like, why do you care? And I was like, why are we having this conversation? That's not a speech, by the way. Well, she was just going on and on about it. I said, they've got cameras. I don't want to be like rolling up into someone's driveway.

She wanted to be like, check out this house. And I'm like, I don't want to just go into a stranger's driveway. I felt that was fair. I guess I'm on your side. It feels like people are weird these days with us. That's what I said. I guess you were in the south too. Yeah, she's like, we're in Belmont.

I'm like, yeah, but still. Yeah, yeah. All right. Anyway. Well, should we get to our questions? Yes. Or somebody gets hurt. Hi, handsome.

This is Donna calling from Kingston, Ontario, Canada, and I'm looking for some advice or some suggestions. Okay. So my son is getting married soon, and we're trying to figure out what we want our mother's son dance to be. We know that we don't want anything that's, like, super slow, and sappy, we want it to be fun and upbeat, and that's going to get the crowd ready to get out on the dance floor. We are both rhythmically challenged, so we definitely need something to be fairly

simple. I'm wondering if you have any ideas of a fun dance that we could do, or if you've been to a wedding and you've seen something fun and memorable of what that might be. I look forward to hearing your suggestions. Hopefully you can help us plan the perfect dance. Thanks so much. Love y'all. Okay, I feel like you are the queen of wedding dances, but I do want to throw in there. I knew you'd have something. If they are open to a tiny version of line dancing, I think that could be really cute. Oh, yeah, throwing in a little, a heel, toe, docee dough. Yeah, I feel like that's kind of, you can make it very basic and paired down, don't you think?

Yeah, I mean, there's, you know, it's like kind of an electric slide, which you know about. And then a little kicking of your boot with your hand can be a pretty basic dance move, which is any, it's a crowd pleaser for anyone. Okay. Donna's voice, by the way, sounds way too young to be having a son getting married. Yeah. How old are you, Donna?

Please write in. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. I had a girl Did you like La Bonba?

Yeah, that's a Richie Valens. I've never been the same. Do you know he was 17? I know when he looked like he was 35. Well, it was Lou Diamond Phillips. Oh, no, I'm talking about the real Richie Valens. Oh, okay, okay. Oh, you mean when Richie, when Lou Diamond Phillips made that movie, he was 17?

No, Richie. balance was 17 when he was a pop star and died oh that's so sad anyway um this is a weird thing to say on the heels of that yeah two things okay buddy holly died in that plane crash uh-huh and his hit song that'll be the day when you say goodbye that'll be the day when you make me cry yeah it's about dying. Yeah. Well, thank you for that good button. And do you know, his, Donna's like, what's happening right now? I'm trying to get a wedding dance. How did we get here? Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I know the regional folklore before visiting a new area, a goblin's curse be upon me. I've pride myself on buffing up on local

legends and myths before my arrival. So I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't know what's said to lurk under bridges in this region. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies,

such as to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate, North American Insurance Company, and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. I think Donna should go for Nost. Oh, Donna. go for nostalgia. It shouldn't be like a,

shouldn't be like a current pop song, and it should not be like a rap song. It should be like a disco type of song or an oldie. And then it could be like, or a waltz is an easy type of dance. But, you know, everyone likes a little fun choreography where the son and the mom are both like, you know, like, the worm where you like hold each other's hand and you do your arms like in a worm?

Isn't that a wave? The wave? Is that a wave, a wave worm? Okay, worms waving. But what if they did the John Travolta and Olivia and John, we're the one I want? Or whatever, not we go together. Oh, yeah.

Or the you're the one that I want. Oh, that's it. You're the one that I want. They need to learn. You're the one that I want. Well, that'd be weird to mom and son. Oh, yeah, they're singing it to each other. I would go with the electric slide.

I was like, I revoked my question. I'm trying to think, or it could be like a boog-a-pooka-pooka-pooka. It could be, well, this is too slow. I was thinking, I'm going to the chapel and we're gone again, mad. Yeah, but they're saying that to each other. Yes. We're really coming up against the wall here with mom and son. Do electric side.

But that's like, that's for the group. That's for everybody. They got to bring it. Well, they can start it and then they get the group going, right? Let me Google. Oh, boy. Let's get Google's help. Best mother.

Mother. Son. wedding. We encourage everyone to ask our advice because we're so good at Googling. I mean, you've mastered it. I've never quite seen anybody. This has 50 songs and it's, well, why don't you rattle them all off, fortune. Just me rattling off 50 songs for the next 10 minutes. Well, for some reason, it's not wanting to come up. It doesn't want Donna to know. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna.

Oh, Donna. I met a girl. Donna was her name. And she had a slow one. A song for Mama by Boysomen. That one's too slow. It's Mama, Mama, you know, I love you. And then it's all about your mom.

How about Mama? Just killed a man. Would have gone against his in. Pull my trigger. Now he's dead. Okay. So electric slide it is. Donna have a great time.

Electric slide. You get it started and then it brings everybody in and it brings it all home for the handsome pod. Donna Google best songs from. Donna knows to Google. Mother. I love the. You're suggesting something.

All these are slow songs like Fleetwood Mac. Come on now. What, landslide? Yeah, that's two songs. You need a song that you can like do a little. I feel like landslide was about cocaine. Choreography too. I need Donna, whatever you do, you and your son need to add the worm slash wave.

All right. Well, all the best to you, Donna and your family. And congrats. Did Donna have anything to say? No, okay. What is our next question? When beneath my wings, Bed Midler, that's hilarious. Do an interpretive dance, Donna. Hi, Fortune, May, and TIG.

My name is Sydney, middle name, coincidentally, Marie. And I have to tell you, I've been sitting on this one for a year and thinking about it every single day. Whoa. When TIG shared the song that she wrote for her kids about the morning fruit, it got stuck in my head. And I found myself on the toilet one morning singing, morning poops, morning poops. I just thought you guys might want to know that. Thank you so much.

I love your podcast. Have you had your morning poops? Wait, there's no question. She's just telling us that she sings Marnan poops. Marn and Poops. Have you had your Marnin Poobs? I like it. Sydney.

I think it's a great way to call in. Marnan Pooops. Marn and Poops. You've inspired people to take your Marnin Frit song and turn it into something. else and I like that spunk Sidney, good job girl. I'm just such an inspiration, Arnais.

Fred, do you ever know that you're my hero? Donna, are you listening? You're everything I wish I could be. Mama. Just killed a man. All right, next question. Hey, handsome.

This is Emily from Abilene, Texas. and my question is, what links have you gone to to get under your siblings' skin? That's hilarious. I'm 55. I was about to say, are we still doing that? Like, I don't know of anybody I'm trying to get under their skin. even if I'm under there. It's not on purpose these days.

Yeah. Back in the day, for sure. My brother, my brother Jay used to do the thing where he would like put his finger in front of my face. Uh-huh. He'd be like, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. And I would be like, stop it! That got under my skin real bad because I can feel his negative energy.

And what did you do, though? Nothing. I just yelled at them. Yeah, but you were just. just so cute. Of course. You were just walking around cute and you couldn't help it. No, I always would try to tell my mom like, Mom, Jay's doing this.

Mom, Price is doing this. Mama. She'd like, stop it. We drove our parents insane. I mean, I drove my brother insane. I can't even think of specific things. I mean, oh, even though I liked the TV show, The Waltons, I knew it drove him insane. And so we could each pick a TV show to watch.

You would pick that Jess and make him mad. Well, there were other shows that I knew that he probably would like, but I would be like, no, I want to watch the Waltons. And he'd be like, oh, God. Like it drove him insane, you know. Whereas I could have picked, you know, all in the family or Sanford and son, something like our whole family enjoyed. But I'd be like, no, I want the Waltons or Little House on the Prairie. I love, you know me.

I love a bonnet. I love olden days. So that's, that's, you know, that's what I would do. Meanwhile, my brother would pin me down and let a spit dangle down half a hair from my face and then suck it back up. and oh that's gross yeah but that's probably why i'm gay probably i just hung out with both my brothers recently yeah and i would say we are getting along quite well now we've we've had our spats before yeah where somebody um pisses the other one off and then they hold on to that grudge for too long yeah that's definitely happened

And you just, I think as we've gotten older, we are in that life's too short mentality. For sure. But I love, I feel like Emily's going to tell us something good. Yeah, let's hear what she's got to say. And my answer is calling in this question because my sister, Jamie, from Abilene, Texas, has been calling in questions and just really, really wants to, have her voice on handsome because y'all mean so much to her. But I'm hoping I win, and I hope that really gets under her skin.

I guess he won, then. Yeah, I guess so. I don't remember anyone calling in from Abilene. Abilene, like that Ella Langley song. I'd remember. He's from Texas, I can tell. Oh, by the way, he's two stepping around the floor. Or she's from Texas.

And also, George Strait and Sweet Island's for Mabelene. You know, all my exes live in Texas. Oh, my exes live in Texas. Or I'm going through the big deal. I don't mean Dallas. I can't believe what the judge had to tell us. She got the dog. I got the dog.

She got the palace. I'm going to do a day. I'm going to go to a country Western bar together. I didn't even get the dog. But you did get Dallas. I got Dallas for sure. You got you got Dallas. Well, some lovely questions once again.

Don't forget to submit your questions. And you saw how great we are at advice. Oh my gosh, nailing it. Submit that as well to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. Yes. And also just spend it out there. I will be doing a couple of shows in Olympia, Washington, among other places. Go to my website for tickets.

Yeah, I'm on tour as well. So I've got about a month left. So check out a bunch of, I got a bunch of West Coast shows coming up. Nice. L.A. and all those places. Oakland. Yeah. Well, until next time.

Keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tignotaro. May Martin and Fortune Themster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

That was a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I seal my beans before I wrap up my coffee routine in the morning? All rats. Now my coffee's a bit stale and I only have myself to blame for my subpar espresso. Yeah, check in first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.