Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #16

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

Fortune and Mae talk classic romcoms, silly songs to make you fall in love, and "shackets" on today's Pretty Little Episode!*** Handsome has a live-streaming holi-bobs show Dec 21! Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com *** Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. This is a pretty little episode where we're going to answer your questions. I am one of your handsome hosts, Mae Martin. I'm joined by the handsomest. Fortune Feimster. And of course Thomas. Mae was rocking a sleep mask. I was. I thought that was a fun little gag. I put on a sleep mask. You sleep with a sleep mask on?

Got to, but at the moment the Airbnb I'm in has no curtains. So that's partly why, but yeah, I hate that. I know. I know. Why did, why does anyone have a room with no curtains? Get me some blackout curtains and let me be in the dark. I just stayed in a place where the entire house had no curtains. Wild. And, um, the, the entire house had no curtains. Wild.

And the, the house is, it's on purpose. It's meant to wake up with the sun, which in theory, great. Yeah. Let's wake up with the sun, start our day. Sure. But when it's not handy is when you're like changing. Yeah. You know what I mean?

People are walking by also like, waking up with the sun doesn't take into account that we have phones. So if you think I'm not lying in bed for hours on my phone, eating Doritos, yeah, feeling emotions, you know, I'm going to bed late, like it's really hard to go to bed when the sun goes down. the sun means you're going to sleep a lot earlier. Yeah. I am not an early sleep to bed gal and I definitely don't want to wake up with the sun. No thanks. But I also don't want to show my tig ol' bitties. Show you, oh right, right. Yeah. No, you need some curtains.

Yeah, nobody needs to be seeing this in, you know, like you're walking by drinking your coffee. You're like, whoa, I don't want to do that to anybody else. No, don't put your, no, listen, this is about your comfort. Thank you. Everyone would be blessed to see that vision. This place was like kind of more remote, but when there are other people staying in the house, you know. Yeah. Whenever I see those on Instagram,

architectural homes that are, I'm like, I don't think I would, they're beautiful, but I don't know. You know what else? What? Skylights in the bedroom? No. Excuse me, what am I looking at right now? No.

Skylights in this Airbnb? No. With no, and also a murderer will come and watch me and then fall through My god, why do people put skylights in the bedroom? I know and I heard scribble scrabbling last night and I think it was a raccoon up there and Nobody wants that. No, I don't put a skylight in your bathroom. Sure Let's have a little extra Sun on your bits

When you're showering. Sure. Now you don't want to wake up anyway. You know that show that everyone's talking about that show, Nobody Wants This? Yes. They should make it about skylights in bedrooms. That's right. A whole series of people planning the layout of their homes. They say, you know what I'd like? A skylight and then the architect says, nobody wants this. Nobody wants this.

I'm gonna tell you as your architect, let's not do that. You're gonna regret it. And they're like, God, thank you. Have you been watching that show? I have, I'm not finished with it yet because it's hard to finish a series with Jax because she falls asleep 10 minutes in. And then it's like, did you finish that without me? I go, yes, biatch. I say

that with love. I kept watching it because we said we were going to watch it. It's cute. It's got like a gazillion bazillion downloads. People are obsessed. I know. I was like, oh, this isn't really my genre. And I started watching. I was like, yeah. And then by the end of the first episode, I was like, I'm in. You're hooked. I need them to work out because guess what? People want me.

What they want? Romcoms, they're back to our lease. They're coming back. I've been saying it for years. Love Romcoms. Want them back. We sometimes become Rom Tom's Rom Tom's. Yeah, I think it's call them Rom Toms. Rom Toms, yeah. I think it's a great genre that was huge in my childhood.

Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks, Drew Barry Moms. Yeah, I wanna write one. Should we write one? Yeah. Okay, great. About us? But you should star in it.

I'd love to. I'll be the friend like Rosie O'Donnell in Sleepless in Seattle. No, you've got main character energy. You know a lot, you're meeting who? It starts with I'm a local, I'm a gardener boy and I'm gardening and then you're in the house with no curtains showering.

And I'm like, hubba hubba. Did you like the dialogue I wrote? You're going where? Oh, I did hear it, sorry, what was it? You're going where? You're meeting who? Do you know anything about it? Yeah, I liked that a lot.

Him, her, whoever it is? I like that a lot. I'm there to help the plot. Yeah, I don't know if it's her sister or her friend, but in Jerry Maguire, Renee Zellweger's either sister or friend is so good in that movie. Oh, yeah? I don't remember. I gotta watch it again. She sees that Renee is falling hard for Tom,

and she's like, oh Lord help me. Yeah, it's always the friend or the sister who's like cleaning the kitchen. Yeah. And like gets their cup of coffee like this. Yeah. They're like, oh no. And the ingenue's like, what?

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. And then, what? Somebody's falling pretty hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you crazy? No. No, I'm not. All I'm saying is that I'm gonna go see him tonight.

I'm gonna see his band play. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, I've known you my whole life. I know. And you've fallen pretty hard. I've known you my whole life and you've never seen a band before in your life. Yeah, and they're like, I guess you're right.

Yeah, and usually the friend is in a happy relationship but that's kind of lost its spark. Like she's got some doofus husband, a couple of kids and at first you're like, oh, these guys but then by the end you're like, oh they really love. You love them as a couple. She's like, God, I would pay anything to have Jim look at me like that. Yeah. And then he's like, God, I would pay anything to have Jim look at me like that.

Yeah. And then he's like, Hey babe. And then at the end, Jim's like, babe, I really love you. Oh, he, do you know what he just did for me? He took my car in cause it needed the oil change and I hate him, but I love him. And then everyone's like, God, we love Jim. We love Jim. And, and the, and Renee deserves that kind of security and consistency.

And then there's a song that plays underneath. Yeah. She looks you in her eyes. A secret garden. We were already halfway done. This rom-tom has to come to life. Yeah. Well, let's hear our first question.

For this whole movie, we don't want to give it away for free. I know. Hi, handsome. This is Jordan from Toronto. And my question for you is, what is one silly little thing that's happened in your life that you still find yourself thinking about often? For whatever reason, something that made an impression on you and takes up space in your brain?

I know mine right away. Oh, you do? Yeah. Just for the record, we don't hear these questions in advance, so we truly are racking our brains to think, okay, what's yours? I hope I can do it justice. This is the thing that I laugh about like years after the fact. When she said silly, I was like, okay. So I was dating a wonderful person. We just started dating and it was still kind of early days. And we went out for brunch. I'd like spent

the night there and we went out for brunch and I'd like spent the night there and we went out for brunch. And then we went just like window shopping. We're in this like, we go down the stairs into this like clothing store. And she said something like she comes over, she's drinking a coffee and it was just us in the store and it was silent, no music playing. And just the guy behind the counter probably being like, are they going to buy anything? And she said something to me like, oh God, I don't feel like she goes, you remember that scene in Bridesmaids? I'm like, what were they all shitting?

She's like, yeah. And then I kind of forgot about it. I'm like, are you okay? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden she comes up to me and goes, I gotta go. And then she starts walking up the stairs. The fart that came out of her body,

it's like hard to even describe because, you know, you weren't there, you're like, oh, a fart story, but I'm going to do it now. Because every step she took, it came out more. And as she's walking, she's... I'm crying laughing and she collapses on the stairs and she just can't move anymore up the stairs because she's laughing so hard and trying not to shit herself. Yeah.

And this is the length of the fart. And I swear on my grandmother's spirit that this is the true length of the fart. Oh, wow. It was like this. What? In public? Yes. And the look of shock on the guy that worked there, the look on his face, and me and her having eye contact while the fart is still coming, and the look on my face of like, what is happening? And I just kept, I couldn't speak and I kept saying, did you shit yourself? Did you shit yourself? She was just crying, laughing. So then she runs out. I apologized to the guy. I mean, I'm not kidding. It was that long or longer. Then I go outside, I

can't find her. And then I go around the corner and she's there and she's on the phone to her mom. She's called her mom. She, she was so- Because she's like mortified. It was so insane that she's like, I got to call my mom. Oh my God. She's like, Mom, I farted. How much longer were you all together? A long time.

Oh, okay. So it wasn't a straw that broke the camel's back. It honestly was the spark that ignited a real love. The spark that ignited. Oh my God. I remember getting a massage about a week later and I was lying face down and I just thought about it and I started crying like, again. Anyway. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check and double check that the oven's off before you leave the house.

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Traveling a lot for work means sleeping on a lot of different mattresses. And the next day, I always feel the difference. It's either my energy levels or how my body's feeling through the night. And a good mattress makes my back feel better. It stops me from getting too hot and it helps me sleep a deep sleep of angels. My Helix mattress has been a game changer for me. When I get the chance to sleep on it, I feel totally renewed the next day.

It's only been a couple of months, but I find myself wishing I had switched over to Helix earlier. Whether you're a sensitive sleeper or not, Helix has a mattress specifically tailored to your sleeping style and habits. So get a good night's sleep by getting a Helix. Right now, Helix is offering 27% off site-wide plus two free dream pillows with any mattress purchase plus a free bedding bundle. So that's two dream pillows, a sheet set, a mattress

protector with any Lux or Elite mattress mattress order go to helix sleep Dot-com slash handsome to take their sleep quiz and get started. That's helix sleep.com slash handsome God, that's funny. That's not it when you tell it like I think that's what I like about it too is only she and I really know the What really happened yeah, and and the length of the fart. Because when you tell it, it just sounds like... But it was truly wild and so loud.

It was like she had a basketball worth of gas in there that was just slowly releasing. Yeah, anyway, that's mine. A funny thing that happened to me was that I was mortified about at the time, but laugh a lot because it's so stupid. I can't even believe I'm telling this. It's not that I did anything, but the nickname is so embarrassing. Oh my God. So my mom used to call me...

Oh God. I hate this. She used to call me smooches, pooches and cream, which is like the worst nickname. Smooches, pooches and cream. And she would call me smooches. She still calls me smooches sometimes for short. So I was in ninth grade. I was on the softball team because duh. Yeah.

This was when it was seventh through ninth grade and then at the junior high and the 10th through senior year at the high school. So it was pre middle school. Now it's like different scenarios. So we were like the big dogs on the softball team, me and these two friends of mine. And we were like the cool girls and trying to be cool. And my mom came to a softball game and she goes, hello, smooches, pooches and cream. Oh my God.

And I was like mortified. Like you did not just call me this. Oh my God. In front of my friends and she's just like smooches. And my friends go ninth grade and they go, what did she just call you? I go, ah, oh my God. And they're like, no, she called you smooches,

pooches and cream. And I was like, no, she called you smooches, pooches, and cream. And I was like, oh my God. But then my friends started going smooches, pooches, cream. Oh my God. And I was at first embarrassed, but then I was like, you know what, that actually is pretty funny. And so I started joining them in their song. So for years we would sing that song and laugh hysterically.

Smooches, pooches, cream. You gotta own it. You have to own it. It's one of those memories that will come back to me occasionally and I'll just start laughing thinking of that song. Smooches, pooches. I didn't necessarily do anything funny, but that was just a funny scenario that gives

me a nice little tickle. I love that. Should we hear her answer? Yeah. My answer is when I was in elementary school, every time one of my friends would fart, she would go, silence, please. Everybody freeze. Na, na, na, na, na, na.

And then she would fart. Oh my god. And I still think about it a lot. and every time I do it makes me laugh and I kind of wish it was socially acceptable to do that as an adult. So maybe one day if I'm feeling brave I'll try it. Anyways thanks for keeping it handsome. Cheers. Cheers. What was the song again? Silence dun dun dun. That is pretty good. I think that would make me fall in love with someone if they did that. I mean, that could be the song that gets to all of our hearts.

Dun dun dun dun dun. That's pretty good. Yeah, so on par with your story, look at that. Sympatico, our handsome listeners, they're so in tune with us. My mom once called, like once, she used to call me a really embarrassing nickname too. And then if it came close to coming out when my friends were around, I would turn like bright red.

It was gross. It does make like your skin crawl a bit. Like it was, it's nonsense. It was chicken a boba do. Chicken a boba do. Yeah. And I'd be like, stop. Would you rather be called chicken a boba do

or smooches smooches in the cream? I think yours just because mine has too much like baggage for me because I'm years of being embarrassed by it. But then if I had a kid, oh my God, I'd be calling it such, like the shit you call Biggie is probably crazy. I have a thousand nicknames for him. Biggie boy, Biggie bear, prince of my heart,

love of my life, Big Papa. Anyway, next question. Anyway, next question. Hi, handsome pod. My name is Tessa. I'm from Nashville, Tennessee. And I am curious to know, what is your favorite season? Are you a summer person?

Are you one of those people who do get sad in the winter? I would say, I tend to like the fall spring seasons better than the summer winters because to me the summer winters are the extremes of things. I like fall. I like a fall that it's like you're coming out of summer so it's like not as hot like you're starting to get that cool breeze and the leaves are changing and it's cozy and the pumpkin muffins have started to be sold at Starbucks. And then I like spring because it's been cold and dreary and now the sun's coming out and the

flowers are blooming and there's new life. I don't know. Maybe it's just my current vibe, but I find it like too nostalgic, too like, you know, you're like back to school and like, you got, I don't know, it's, it can be melancholic. I mean, the whole symbolism of leaves falling off trees, you know, but I do like the Christmas. All the leaves are brown. All the leaves are brown.

And the sky is gray. And the sky is gray. And the sky is gay. I've been for a walk. I went for a walk. Oh, well that's winter. God dang it. Oh yeah. It's winter.

I don't mind winter, you know? I do like winter. Summer feels like a lot of pressure to have fun and be happy and have a good time. Yeah, no, I listen. So is it spring? Is that what you're saying? I think I'm saying spring,

but also I gotta stop telling myself stories about what I like and don't like. Okay. I might have the best winter summer of all time, but if I'm like, oh, I'm someone that doesn't like the summer, then I won't, you know what I mean? I think you're about to have a great winter.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Winter in LA is interesting because it gets, it gets quote unquote chilly, meaning you have a jacket on at night, but not like a winter coat. I do thrive in outerwear. Do you? Yeah, like a jacket or...

You know what I'm into? What? Shackets. Oh yeah, me too. If you don't know what that is, it's a shirt jacket. Oh, I thought it was- Wait, did you think it was something else? Like a shit in a bracket?

No, I don't know. You're like, I'm really into this. I'm really into it. I don't know why Fortune's bringing it up. It's a heavier button-up. Yeah, totally, no, I'm with you, yeah, yeah. That's a shacket. And do you like ones with pockets or no pockets?

Oh, like in here- Like side pockets, yeah. My shack a jacket. And do you like ones with pockets or no pockets? Oh Like in here side pockets. Yeah, um, my jackets don't have pockets Well, some of them have the up pockets here, but I'm not putting anything in that Let's hear what Tessa's favorite season is Yes, please. It seems like most people seem to get sad in the winter. I'm the opposite I Get I'm kind of grumpy and a little sad all summer. And then as soon as it gets cold out, I get so excited and I just live my best life all winter long. Yeah, you do. Does Nashville get snow?

Sometimes. Tennessee. Not like a crazy one, but they do get it. The thing I associate with winter is like stains on your jeans from the salt they use in Toronto to melt the snow, like the street salt. All your pants get all discolored around the bottom. I don't get sad in the winter, thankfully. I know that seasonal depression is very real for a number of folks.

Shout out to our seasonal depression. Shout out. I had a friend once who had to, in the winter, this was not when I lived in LA, back in North Carolina, she would have to like have lots of like lamps and lights in her dorm room when it got winter time and it would get that kind of, what's the word, like when the sky's like, gray, gray, gray, like the song. Yeah, she like, that would help her.

Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to go to tanning beds anymore, but people did that a lot. To get a little vitamin D? My mom took me to one when I was like 10. Nuh-uh. Yeah. Did you get in it?

Yeah. Whoa. I think that was before we knew they were bad. I always remember in Final Destination when there's a death in, I think it's Final Destination 2, someone gets trapped in a tanning bed, sizzled like bacon. Yuck. Yuck. Well, listen, sizzled like bacon. Yuck. Yuck.

Well listen, thank you for sending all your questions. You're welcome. Oh, not you, Fortune. Oh, okay. Our lovely listeners. Our lovely listeners. It's always fun to get these questions because like I said, we don't know what's coming

and it does that thing where it juggles the memory in a way that we don't think of those memories. Where we go, oh yeah, I haven't thought about that in 30 years. And we get to reveal things like smooches, pooches, and cream. Smooches,, Smooch's cream. Oh man. You know what, Fortune, you're very lucky that Tate wasn't on this episode. Cause she would never let Smooch's, Smooch's cream go. She would never.

So if anyone tells her, I swear to God. Please keep sending your questions into us. You can submit them at speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. And you can pick up merch at handsomepod.com. Holiday merch, get it as a present for the most handsome person in your life. Oh yeah, do it. I mean, holiday, who doesn't want holiday handsome merch? That's a good present.

Yeah, man. I know what I'm getting you guys. I gave someone one of our pride belts and they were so pumped about it. Nice. Yeah. The kind of giver I am. Giving your own merch. Cause I'm proud of the pod.

I want people to wear it. Yeah. Get it out on the streets. Yeah. And until then, I guess all that remains. Keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow

us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! social media at handsome pod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know how to pack plenty of ponties before going out on the town for Thanksgiving weekend. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.