Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #2

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

Tig, Mae, and Fortune take more of your handsome questions on another Pretty Little Episode! Featuring romcoms, silly gadgets, fantasy lands, and more! Submit your questions at speakpipe.com/handsomepodYou have 3 more days as of this episode's release to watch our Toronto live show! Tickets: dynastytypewriter.com/handsomeHandsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Calling all handsomes. Do you want the best home insurance at the best rate? Then check out Allstate. Switching to Allstate is simple and straightforward and could save you hundreds of dollars on your policy. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Hey there, handsoms and pretty little ladies and theties. If you're hearing this pretty little episode on the day it comes out, we have good news. It's the long weekend and we're giving you the next three days to watch our Handsome

Live show. That's right. You can still get a ticket to watch all the fun we had reuniting in Toronto, but only for the next three days. So go to our social media pages to get your ticket or to dynastytypewriter.com slash handsome. September 2nd is the last day you can watch. So go to dynastytypewriter.com slash handsome now. Handsome Pod.

Chattin' with friends on the handsome pod. Chattin' with friends on the handsome pod. Pretty Little Episode. Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. A pretty little episode for your pretty little ears. With me, I'm Mae Martin. Oh, I'm Fortune Feimster. Oh, I'm Tig Notaro. We can't wait to hear what questions you have for us.

That's right. Yeah, let's hear them. Yeah, what do you guys want us to answer? Let's hear our very first question. All right, this question comes from Min. My name is Min and I live in Edinburgh and I get really excited whenever May talks about Edinburgh Fringe. Anyway, so my question to the handsome pod is if you could remake any classic rom-com as an LGBTQ plus rom-com, which one would it be and why? And who would you put in the starring roles?

Oh my gosh, that's a good question. Oh, that is a good one. Really good. I love rom-coms. Y'all know how I feel about rom-coms. I want them to come back. They're back, takes in three of them. But they used to be so huge and now,

they're making their way back. I'm your go-to rom-com gal. I know you're theall said they're back, but they used to be so huge and now, they're making their way back. I'm your go-to rom-com gal. I know you're the rom-com gal, but I want even more. I want to see you even more to give these rom-coms. You want more than what I've done already? Yes, I want more. I love rom-coms.

Oh man. I was gonna say you've got mail, but it's kinda creepy that one. There's a sorta stocky element, but oh man. I mean, cause I'm not a big, what's your favorite rom-com, Fortune? I love, you know, Sleepless in Seattle. Yes.

Same actors as you've got mail, right? Yeah, yeah. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, yeah. I'd love to redo Sleepless in Seattle. I'll be Tom Hanks. And who are you casting? Out of me and Tig. Besides you and Tig, either Sandra Bullock or Jen Aniston.

Oh man, I would love to watch that movie. You and Sandra Bullock falling in love. I mean, come on. Come on, the people want it. I'm a widow. I'm a widow, right? Is that the, oh yeah, he's a widow. Yeah, Tom Hanks, he's a widow, right? Is that the, oh yeah, he's a widow.

Yeah, Tom Hanks, he's a widow. And it's me and my kid and the house is messy. Is that the movie that Rosie O'Donnell's in? Yeah. Okay, I'll be Rosie. You be Rosie's part, yeah. My house is messy, I don't know how to clean. I'll play your little kid.

Yeah, Mae's the kid, my kid, and we really need a good woman in this house because it's falling apart. How about Thomas? Thomas, isn't there someone with a mustache in that movie? I think there is, I think Rosie O'Donnell's husband. The guy that's in City Slickers. Yeah.

But I was saying, how about he's the lady that comes in and- Oh, that's a twist. Or is that who Sandra Bullock is? Sandra Bullock is the Meg Ryan. I see, okay. Yeah, and she feels sorry for me, as she should. My life's falling apart. Oh yeah, it is.

And then we're gonna meet at the Empire State Building and we meet and basically get married. Like that's it. What about, um, even though if we like each other, why wasn't there a sequel? For real. For real.

What about, um, when Harry met Sally, I feel like it's so gendered. Like it's very like men and women can't be friends and stuff, but I think it's often in groups of queer women or people born women, there's like a lot of friend dating crossover, like, so that would be a pretty accurate, like it could be a little toxic, you know, those, but like a queer, when Harry met Sally about those blurred lines between friendship and romance, that could be good.

I'll be the person in the diner that goes, I'll have what she's having. Oh, you nailed that, Justin. Whoever's playing the Meg Ryan part does the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,'t really follow, as much as I'm in, romantic comedies, I don't really follow them, but there is a romantic movie that I liked from my childhood called Urban Cowboy. Oh. Did you see that?

No. It's a drama with John Travolta and Debra Winger. Right. You love John Travolta and Deborah Winger. Right. You love John Travolta. And you love Deborah Winger too. I love them both. Yes. Yeah, yeah, I love them both.

And so I would love to be John Travolta to Deborah Winger's Deborah Winger. Yeah. I would love to just remake it with the two of us. I really identify with that. And imagine being Travolta in Saturday Night Fever if you had those moves like that. An urban cowboy, I mean, I'd be all dressed up,

cowboy boots, Wranglers, big old cowboy belt, cowboy hat. I mean, little cowboy would be there too. Driving Debra Wenger around in my pickup truck. Hello. We do walk on parts too. Just walk on, walk off. Well, you both would be in the back of my pickup truck. Heck yeah. Yeah.

Oh, like we've been kidnapped? No, just like you're my friends. We're bounded? No, just like you're my friends where I'm like, yeah, they come everywhere I go. Gotcha. Sorry, Deborah. This is not a rom-com, but I've always thought I'd love to remake Stand By Me

with a bunch of like, mask queer people. Like, you know, I'd love to be Chris Chambers, the River Phoenix character, or Gordie LaChance. Oh, they're all great characters. I wanna be Corey Feldman. They're great, yeah. All in good time, little cowboy. Well, while we're at it, let's remake Lord of the Flies

to a bunch of us in our Ponties on the beach. They kill each other. Is that what you want? You wanna see us in our Ponties? Yeah. You know the original, like the black and white version of Lord of the Flies, like the original one? My dad was a little boy, he was like seven,

and he got told he got a part in that movie. He was, and it turned out that they just used his blood curdling scream to dub over another kid actor's scream. So if you listen to it, you hear like, wah, that's my dad. Was your dad a kid actor?

Well, his mom was an agent. So yeah, he did. Yeah, he was an actor into his 20s. Wow. Was he good? I think he was great. He was in the sequel to Rocky Horror Picture Show. He had a line and he was, he popped up

and he was on, in the West End in Jesus Christ Superstar. He played like. Wow, love it. Yeah. A real crew. Very cool. Well, what a great question. Yeah, and a crew of talent in your family.

Oh, that too. I was gonna say he played Pontius Pilate and then I thought Pontius Pilate. Yes, yes. Why haven't we thought of that? Is it Pontius Pilate or Pontius? Oh, he always said Pontius. I always thought it was Pontius.

Yeah, that makes more sense, Pontius. I don't know, I'm no historian here. Are you not? What do you mean? I thought this was a history pod. You would be a her-storian. Yeah. That's right. Should we hear men's answer?

Yes, let's hear it. My answer would be actually never been kissed with Fortune in the Drew Barrymore role. And then her choice for who would be in the... I can't remember that guy's name, but the guy from Alias. And I think it's Michael Lawn, anyway, in his role. Because when Fortune mentioned that she wished she'd come out earlier and didn't get to have that experience, I thought, oh, wouldn't it be funny if that was what you guys made?

And anyway, so that was my question and my answer. I love it. I love it. Wait, Never Been Kissed though is about, like looking back on it, Drew Barrymore goes back to high school in disguise and falls in love with her teacher, and the teacher is fully falling in love with her

thinking she's a student. It is weird. There's holes in it, May. There's holes, it, man. Yeah, but no, I'd like to, I'd watch that movie. I'd love it. Who would you cast as the teacher? I think we, Sandra Bullock, we know.

Yes, probably Sandra Bullock. So you have the hots for Sandra Bullock. Love her. Love her. She's a real delight. Jack's closer too. She hugged us once and we both were like. She hugged us once. we both were like. She hugged us once.

Spitting kittens over here. Spitting kittens. Finding the best home insurance can feel daunting, especially when you're busy living your best life. Allstate knows that you value your time. That's why they wanna help you save time and money when you switch and save on your home insurance policy. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available

in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Should we hear our next question? Yeah. Hi, handsome. This is Anissa. I live in Houston, Texas, and I've seen Fortune perform multiple times and really have enjoyed getting to know Tig in May and also started absorbing all of y'all's content but my question is what is one silly little gadget you have around your home that has just made

your life so full of joy? The thing that you bought maybe 12, 20 bucks, you could easily live without, but now that you have it, it just helps. Okay, well, I'm just gonna say right away, my gavel. This was given to me. I did not buy this. It was given to me and I hold it when I'm podcasting and it's just a little gadget.

Is this a gadget? It's like, it'd be considered a gadget in the old days, right? If people wore white powdery wigs, this would be a gadget. Yeah, that would be like high technology. Yeah, but I'm going with my gavel. I'm always going with the gavel. Yeah, you're getting order in the court

constantly in your house. Constantly, there is so much order in the court. I love it. I like that. I think I know mine, I got on Amazon or something. I mean, it's probably so bad for the environment. I've got a box of like 200 little multicolored lights and you can wear one on each finger. And I guess they're for kids. And they bring me a lot of joy and also they're really good with a five-year-old.

Like if her friends come over and I'm like, do you guys want some lights? It's like you're giving them like the bit and they're probably worth 10 cents each and they get so much joy out of them and they become like spells and you know they put them on their toes and stuff and it's just like they're really... You can't live without this. They're good bribe tools too. It's like yeah. I don't have a lot of gadgets around so I was trying to think what I even have that stands out. And the best I can come up with is, it's a little bit more expensive than the $20 Amazon thing, but my AirPods.

I just love not dealing with cords. I love that technology that has allowed us to listen to things and yeah. Boy mate, you're not an AirPod person, are you? Look at me. I mean, I lose them. I have to wear big chunky things or I'll lose them. But I just bought part of some waterproof headphones.

I was thinking for your trend in water, you guys could have waterproof. Oh, they have waterproof headphones? Yeah, you can use them even like if you're doing laps, like they just fit right in. Oh, I need waterproof headphones? Yeah, you can use them even like if you're doing laps, like they just fit right in. Oh, I need to get that. Cause yeah, when I tread water and it's in a public place, it's very embarrassing to try to turn on my

boombox podcast. You're true cron. Have you been treading in Toronto? No, there's nowhere to tread here. Sure. I know, I'm losing my arm strength. There's pools we can- Ooh, looking good, Fortune.

Thank you, my goodness. Public pools. Yeah, that's true. But how much pee is in that pool? Not nearly enough. Right. Well, thank you, Anissa, for that lovely question. Who's next?

This question is from Dominique. If you could visit any fantasy fictional land from literature, movies, TV, or video games, which fictional fantasy land would you want to visit? I'm talking Hyrule from The Legend of Zelda, Oz from The Wizard of Oz, even Hundred Acre Woods from Winnie the Pooh.

May, you lit up immediately here. Yeah, I really, I love that question. I've always had a thing about Neverland, even though there's darkness there, like there's pirates, there's danger, there's threat. I just, the way the Lost Boys live in a giant tree, and in my version of it, I can fly, I'm Peter. Or I guess as long as you have fairy dust

and a happy thought, you can fly. But something about how they fly and then the island appears to them and they fly down to that island. And that Disney ride at Disney World, the Peter Pan ride, that's for infants for sure, but it's so magical. Yeah, I'm gonna go to Neverland. We've talked about this before,

but I can totally see you playing Peter Pan at some point. Thanks, Fortune, I love that. You'd be great. I'd love to do that. I see it, I see it happening. Talking about remaking stuff, I would love to remake Hook, because I could play Peter who's lost his kind of spark

and he's a bored businessman and then has to remember that he's Peter. That'd be cool. I like the Harry Potter world. That would be pretty cool. I love all the, I mean, I don't want all the danger I want it when it's cool everything everybody's in good spirits and the candles you're in the I like the lunchroom where There's candles floating everywhere and there's all these treats every I like I want that part of Harry Potter

And I think you mean the the Great Hall The lunch room. Yes, whatever it's called. The lunch room. I'm probably a Hufflepuff. Big ton. And yeah, I want all the fun wizardy stuff. I don't need all the people dying. You just wanna run around in a cape.

Let's be honest. Yeah. You wanna run around in a cape. That's right. You want the cozy magical. The wand. Yeah, you don't want. And Quidditch of course. I wanna play Quidditch. Yeah, but not He Who Must Not Be Named.

Yeah, Voldemort, I don't want that. Fortune. Oh, oh yeah, I'm supposed to name him. You're not supposed to say his name. It gives him power. See, yeah, I don't want that part of it. Just the food, just the food and the quidditch. Yeah.

Well, I'd probably just want to hang out in the Moss Isley Cantina. Whoa, sick! Yes! What is that? Oh my God, in Star Wars where the band is playing. Oh, see, I don't know. Tig, I was not expecting that. I thought you were gonna be like, well, none of these places are real, so I don't know.

But then, yeah, Star Wars is completely Endor with the Ewoks and stuff, that'd be great. When I, yeah, as a kid, when that bar scene popped up, I was like, I wanna go there. Yes. I wanna hang out with these freaks. That bar is very queer bar vibe. It's like all types of people, all genders, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Not a Star Wars fan? I don't know hardly any Star Wars fans. No? Okay. What about Star Trek? You know, that's my world. No, I don't know much of that world either. Just beam me up, baby.

No, it's beam me up Scotty. It's not beam me up, baby. No, it's beam me up Scotty. It's not beam me up, baby? No, it's beam me up Scotty. Okay. To each their own. The dirty dancing quote is, nobody puts Scotty in the corners. All right, let's hear what Dominique has to say.

I don't know why, but Sunnydale from Buffy the Vampire Slayer keeps coming up as the answer. The main reason why I'd wanna go is, one, because I was just obsessed with that show, but two, because I would really want to see if I could join Buffy's squad and spend the day hanging out and spend the night taking out monsters and then going to the local teen club.

The bronze. Sounds pretty fun. I don't know. Anyways, excited to hear your answer. Dominique, imagine the crushing disappointment though if Buffy didn't wanna be friends with you. Like it is after all a high school. Don't talk like that.

I know. Don't even suggest such a thing. Like I just wouldn't after all a high school. Don't talk like that. I know. Don't even suggest such a thing. Like I just wouldn't want to go through high school, you know what I mean? But he's a real bitch. Imagine if you were ostracized by that crew. Also Sunnydale is a hell mouth, so it's a portal into hell essentially. All right. You don't want to mess with that.

That's true. And our last question. Hi, handsome handsome. This is George from Aotearoa, New Zealand. And my question is, do you ever talk to yourself? And if you do, what are you saying? Great question, George. You might call them Curious George.

Ah, yes. Well, we know George talks to themselves because that's how they sent in the question. It always bumps for me in movies when people look in the mirror and go, you can do this. Or they look in the mirror and they go, God damn it, what an idiot, you messed it up.

I'm like, do people really do that? Maybe, but we don't hang out with those people. Oops. They're like, dumb, dumb, dumb. You've done that, fortunately? You've been like, why'd you do that? I think I talk to myself quite a bit, especially if I'm by myself, if Jax isn't there.

I'm just like kinda talking, I gotta do this today and this and this, I'm just kinda talking things out. Like audibly. this today and this and this. I'm just kind of talking things out. Like audibly. Audibly, yeah. Like I got to make sure. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I've, yeah, it'll just be like,

oh yeah, don't forget to call so-and-so back or yeah. But not when Jackson's around, it's the only one I'm by myself or in the car. I do little bits of talking to myself, but not audibly. Like I'll be like mouthing what I'm thinking and Stephanie will catch me and she'll be like, excuse me. What are you over there working through? I don't think I talked to myself,

but I talk in my sleep incessantly. And last night I can, I record it, you know, with this app. But last night I woke up and Parv was like, well, you had quite the night. I was like, did I? What happened? She was like, play it back and listen. So I played the app and I'm like,

I've always been a black sheep. Oh, wow. And so every night you record yourself? Yeah, and it's like activated by sound. And some nights I don't get anything, but most nights I'm screaming in terror. I'm mumbling away. That would trip me out here,

having a partner screaming in terror at night. Yeah, that's pretty rare, but it does happen. But yeah, there's a lot of mumbling. Poor, poor Parv. Poor Parv. Yeah, I don't, I've talked happen. But yeah, there's a lot of mumbling. Poor Parv. Poor Parv. Yeah, I've talked to my sleep here and there, but not on a regular basis. My dad talks to himself in the kitchen while he's cooking.

He does the voices of the food he's cooking. So he's like, oh, please don't put me in the water. Please, I'll do anything. He makes them beg. That's cute. Well, do we think that George talks to themselves? Let's find out. I guess my answer to this question would be yes,

I did just mere seconds ago because I was nervous to record this. So I was hyping myself up. Well, practice. Out loud. Love it. Like doing the movie thing of like, you got this. Yeah, like going over a conversation out loud, I've done that. You're good enough, you're smart enough,

and gosh darn it, people like you. What's that from? That is Stuart Smalley from SNL. Yes, great, nice. Well, George, you killed it. Everyone killed it. What a lovely bunch of questions. Yeah. I love hearing from people.

This is the best. Yeah. Well, we hope you guys enjoyed our pretty little episode. Keep sending in your questions. Yes, right. Don't forget to check out our regular Handsome next Tuesday. And in the meantime, keep it handsome. Keep it handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. Home insurance is complicated. You want the best insurance for the best price. Allstate makes it easy to sign up for a new policy or switch from an old one and start saving money without the hassle.

Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.