Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #26

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Mae's childhood bedroom and Fortune's childhood drum kit are hot topics on a throwback/brand new Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty Little Episode. Welcome to the Pretty Little Episode. Mm, welcome to the Pretty Little Episode. I'm your host for today, Fortune Feimster. And I am Mae Martin, also hosting you today. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Hosting, I guess that's where it comes from. Like host, we're hosting. Yeah, this is a party and we're hosting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we have no snacks to offer anybody. Yeah, no loot bags. You call them loot bags? Oh wait, I do have a cookie.

Okay. From a gamey. I do have a lot of snacks around my office. Was that from Milk Bar, that cookie? Okay, can we get them as a sponsor or something? They are so good. I know, they're pretty tasty. Fuck, they're good. How are you for-chen? Oh my god, did you hear my voice just, I just

saw that you're wearing a bear t-shirt. Oh my gosh! I went, how are you for-chen? I didn't even, that, honestly, I did not do that on purpose. Is this triggering? Honestly, it did, my blood ran cold for a second, but then I thought, no, it's powerful and cool. It's a big old grizzly, right? It's a California, you know, cause that's the, the California flag is this bear.

Right. What is it, like a Kodak bear or something? I don't know, but I really did not do it with any intentions of bringing back bad vibes. I know, I'm like, is that a threat that fortune's making? I'll do this. How are you doing? I'll do this. Yeah, no, no, please.

Let it be free. I'll clutch my pearls like this so you can't see it. But that's the thing though, we're in a new year, new me situation. Yeah. And the bear has no power over you in that way anymore. You're right. I don't think. And the bear is no longer, like that bear on your shirt is free, roaming free.

Yeah, look it, there's a seagull up here. Yeah, love that. I imagine this is water. Love that. The bear is out enjoying a nice day. Yes, right? Not trapped. No.

And you're free as a bird too. I feel it, I feel it. I wanna have some flying dreams. I've been like, so I've been trying to get all spiritual and they're like, you gotta write down your dreams and in the morning and there are definitely messages from your subconscious. All my dreams are about celebrities these days,

which is better than just like tormented dreams about my ex and stuff or my exes and various, you know, my fights with my parents and stuff. But all I'm dreaming about is Angelina Jolie, Paul Mezcal, like weird, like people are popping in and they're usually like, with Angelina, it was like, I think we were cooking together or something, just really domestic, like celebrity moments. I actually could see that happening. Me and Angie?

Like cooking a dinner. I'm not saying it has to be romantic. It could be. Just cooking a dinner? Because y'all are both sexy. But I could see y'all cooking a dinner together. What do you think she cooks though? I don't think she's vegan, but she could be vegetarian.

Yeah, it could be. So some sort of like- Vials of blood. Vegetarian curry dish. Oh my God, a vegetarian curry? Yeah, like with tofu, some tasty rice. If she cooked something with coconut in it, I would just eat it and not tell her I'm allergic.

Oh my God, I forgot about that. I would feel bad. Bringing up all your... Wait, but does all curry have... Is it all coconut milk? No, there's definitely ones without it. Okay. I was like, oh no.

Do you dream about celebrities ever where you wake up and you feel like you know them? I don't have a dream, but I did just have something last night that felt like a dream and this is gonna sound like bragging but you did ask me and so well and not in a direct way but no I love it if it's about a celebrity I want to hear. I was at a party and oh my god Jax and I were talking to a guy I just worked with and Jax goes oh my, that's J-Lo.

I love J-Lo. And I was like, and I said it out loud, I was like, I love J-Lo. And she walked past and I was like, but she was kind of like in a train, you know, where like she didn't want to really make eye contact with people so she had her hands, I think, on the back of her publicist shoulders.

And she kind of was trying not to make eye contact with people, but she looked right over to me and she went, hey, I love you. I'm a big fan. Or wait. No. She didn't say I love you. Hey, I'm a big fan and shook my hand. Fortune.

Dude. What did the handshake feel like? A firm, proper handshake. Yeah, of course. She's professional. She's a business woman. Oh my god. She's a business woman.

And you actually had eye contact? Full on eye contact. Hey, hey, like hey. Hey. And I did add that I love you. I took that back. Hey, I wanna marry you. Hey, I'm a big fan.

Handshake. And then did you return the compliment? Did you say I love you? I said, I love you. Thank you. And she kept, the train kept moving, but her publicist did look back like, who did she say that to?

Oh my God, that's incredible. Of everyone there, she was like, fortune. That was a good one. Yeah, that's fucking great. That's great. Kevin Bacon also said it too, and so it was a big night for me. That's a good one. Yeah, that's fucking great. That's great. Kevin Bacon also said it too. So it was a big night for me.

I met Kevin Bacon once at a party with Brett Goldstein's plus one and of everyone there, I've never been more starstruck. He has like a star quality. He's just like an old time. Kind of chill. He's like, what's up? He's like, what's up?

I really like your work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, thanks man. I really like yours. Oh my God, he's so great He's like, what's up? I really like your work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, thanks man. I really like yours. Oh my God, he's so great. I go, this is my wife. He goes, hey, how long you guys been married? She's like, four, married, 10 together.

He's like, yeah, 36 over here. That's, you know, it's been a long time. It sounds electric for this conversation. But he is so, he's so handsome though, isn't he? He's very handsome. Just like chill. He has no pretentious stuff. It's just very like, what's up? Yeah. So, you know, obviously my validation doesn't come through that stuff,

but it is cool every now and then, you know? Oh man, you're feeling a little existential and low and then JLo goes, hey, keep at it, soldier. That's exactly what happened, May. I'd been on a break for two weeks, hadn't been thinking about work, hadn't been thinking about anything, just feeling a little vibrations are low

and she just got it like, hey, yeah, thank you. It was like a nice reminder. Zapped you right in the soul. Right in the cooter. Zapped you right in the cooter. Hello, J-Lo. That's what I do this for. Oh my God.

I said, I do it all for you, baby. Yeah, oh my God. That's amazing. Should we see what our listeners are feeling, what they're saying, what they're wanting to talk about? Hey there, handsome pod. Fortune Mae Tig. Man, I love all of you. You're so fucking great. You just make my afternoons so much better. My name's Erin. I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Hi Erin. My question for you, what did your childhood bedroom look like? How did you decorate it? Oh. You know, stuff like that. Oh, okay. This pod, more than anything in my life,

has me reflecting back on childhood. Me too. In a way that I haven't in years. Okay, this might take me a second, so Thomas, if we have to cut out, pause, but I'm gonna find a picture of my childhood bedroom and then send it to you, Fortune, and then maybe you could describe what you see.

I can't believe you have a picture, I don't have one. Oh, you don't? No. Yeah, got it, okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh my God. You're sending it? Yeah, I'm sending it to you, Fortune, and I'll send it to you as well, Thomas.

Actually, I'll send it to Tig as well. Okay, I'm gonna send this to Fortune, Thomas, and Tig. Okay. And then, okay, I've just sent it, so this is me, I'm probably nine, maybe 10. Oh, here it is. Oh. So, okay, maybe describe what you're seeing.

Okay, so May just sent the handsome pod a picture of their childhood bedroom, wow. And if you zoom in on the wall. So, you kind of have like a Justin, wow. And if you zoom in on the wall. So you kind of have like a Justin Bieber vibe personally. Ferris Bueller is probably what I was going for. Your hair is very brown. Yeah. You're in a very tomboyish,

the best way to describe it, outfit. And around you are, well, your comforter is a map of the world. So you were wise beyond your years already. You really wanted to discover the world. You have a lot of stuffed animals. There's a monkey. Yeah and my hair is doing a kind of swoop.

It is kind of a beaver swoop, isn't it? Yeah, the beaver swoop. That might have been a Canadian thing. Maybe. You have a a Canadian thing. Maybe. You have a monkey, stuffed animal monkey on a, hanging from like a. Like a hammock. A hammock.

Yeah. You have a lot of monkeys, stuffed monkeys. And then on the wall, it's all women. Well, zoom in, it's only one woman. Oh, it's only one woman. Bette Midler? It's B women. Well zoom in, it's only one woman. Oh, it's only one woman. Bette Midler? It's Bette Midler. I was obsessed.

And it's, they're like sexy pictures of Bette Midler. Like it's clearly, I'm in love with her. Oh, Tig just texted, oh my Lord, what, was this your fire orgy? Fire orgy, also you look almost the same. That is so funny. It's just the horniest picture I think. Like my vibe is so like, what's up ladies?

Yeah, like this is your Tinder profile. Tig says, very cute but more handsome now. Yeah, hopefully. And so many monkeys. Tig wrote, so many monkeys. So many monkeys, yeah. And I like your style, kid. That's Tig's take.

Tig's really responsive to this photo. This is great. Let's get her on the pod. Let's get her on the pod, yeah. I just FaceTime her and put her into this. Here's a story about a family food victory. We're going to waste time and put her into this. Here's a story about a family food victory we recently had in our house. My kids are not a fan of spinach, but they do love spaghetti.

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I have to say I would love that Miller as well as a kid. Did you really? Yeah. And the reason why she was on my radar, well, A, the movie Beaches, Of course. is one of the greatest movies ever made. That's incredible.

I don't know how old I was when it came out, but I sobbed like a idiot. My mom showed me, yeah, Beaches and all her other ones. My best friend's dad, you know, Bet's nickname was the Divine Miss M. Duvallia, of course, yeah. And my first name's Emily, Fortune's my middle name. Yeah.

And he would call me the Divine Miss M whenever he saw me. Oh, I love that. And so she was very much on my radar because of that. Yeah, I used to listen to her albums. She was just, she's vivacious, confident. What was some of her other? Risky business.

No, not risky business. Risky. I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about. Fuck, what is it? I'm picturing her in the outfit and the big hat. Hocus pocus of course for me, but before that it was like Bette Midler movies. Now I'm going to have to IMDb it.

Yeah, me too. Sorry. Ruthless people, ruthless people. Yes. I remember her episode of Seinfeld was hilarious. I don't think I saw that. Oh my God, Kramer is in love with her. It's just hilarious.

And he makes a macaroni middler. He makes a statue of that middler out of macaroni. Really? And he brings it to her in hospital because George accidentally injures her. What was your childhood bedroom like? So my, when I was little, little, I didn't have a bedroom. I was having to sleep in my parents room because my parents like to collect things. Gotcha. Junk. So what would have been my bedroom was full of junk. Right.

And so I didn't really have a bedroom till I was, or maybe I was in the junk. I honestly don't remember. I'll have to ask my mom. I went to Girl Scout camp. Shout out, you know it always comes back to Girl Scouts. I think I was like seven. And when I came home, my brothers and my parents had taken the whole weekend to clean out that room.

Oh wow. And painted it, but like they made it the girliest room you could imagine. God, pink. So pink walls. Oh my God. Like an antique bed, a blue and pink comforter, a little pink loveseat couch, a dresser,

everything was pink, a pink little, another thing to put like a little tiny TV on. But were you just pumped to have your own space? I was so pumped to just, yeah. I didn't care that it was all pink. I was so thrilled to just like, oh my God, I've got my own space, it's clean, I can shut the door and keep you psychos out of my room.

And that mentality has stayed with me for years of just like, I've got my own space, it's clean, it's mine, and I'm good now. Yeah, I'm safe. Yeah, yeah, I like that a lot. And you can curate it and be, yeah. Yeah, and over time I put lots of Teeny Bopper magazine things on the walls.

Yeah, would you cut out like boys that you've had a crush on or just random stuff? Boys, a lot of boys. New Kids on the Block was all over my wall. New Kids on the Block. And probably my wall. New Kids on the Block. And probably like Joey Lawrence, like you know the Blossom Days, kind of that era. Blossom, yes. Yeah, I think I kind of had like a blossom energy at some point in my life and I really

am embarrassed. Who has with flowers on them? Yeah, just kind of like, hey. I did butch up my room at one point when I got to high school with a drum set. Oh sick, I had a drum set, but I never played it. Did you play yours? Yeah, but mine was terrible because my, I had been talked for years about wanting to learn

how to play the drums, but it was also like a little masculine so I didn't, you know, I wrestled with that. Really? And my dad back in the day used to buy a lot of stuff from like pawn shops. And he bought me a golf club once and he goes, I got you a golf club and your initials are engraved in it. I'll go, oh wow, that's cool. And it was a used golf club and the initials were just like the brand. No way.

And I was like, listen, man, I'm on to you. And he bought me a drum set from a pawn shop. Now the bass drum worked and the cymbals worked, but like the snare drum was busted. It was a piece of shit. But I was so pumped to have a drum. So I played-ish, but it's nothing was in tune. It was all like janky. There was just a bunch of noise. I also just want to say like we are the last generation

that we can just go on YouTube and be like, learn how to play drums. Like you'd have to be like, is there a book on how to do this? Like, or get a teacher. Is there a book, is there a teacher? It costs you money. These days, yeah, anything you need is on YouTube.

You could basically build a house by being like, YouTube, how do I build a house? What do I need? You really could. Yeah, seriously, should we? I don't know if I wanna live in it. The house that we built. I trust you guys, not me.

I don't trust myself. I trust Thomas to build a house. I would not be handy. Me neither. I think you and I are the princesses of the pod, really. Like Tig I think would get her hands dirty and build that house. You and me would be like...

I think so, too. Yeah. I just want to gossip. I love it. Let's hear what Erin had to say. Yeah. Admittedly, you know, I might not be too thrilled to say that I had floral sheets. I had a poster of Luke Perry in my closet.

That was when I was big. I had some fairy pictures up. I had a little boom box that I would freaking blast, you know, cassette tapes on and sing my heart out. Um, you know. The little boom box is very... Yeah, I would record songs from the radio onto my tape. Yeah, yeah.

And don't worry, May, if you're okay with it, we'll post your childhood bedroom picture when this episode comes out. It's so crazy, we have to. I am the, I'm such a little boy in it, yeah. Love it. Hey, handsome pod, this is Tyler from Philadelphia. I'm wondering what your strange food combination is that you really love or

that you did love when you were a kid. And I'm not talking about like pineapple on pizza. That's normal stuff. People just pretend that that's weird. I'm talking about like a food combination that other people would frown upon or make fun of you for. What is your strange food pairing that you really love? Fortune, your reaction says it all. You got one. This podcast is making me reveal too much. Are you full of shame?

Someone's gonna bring this combination to your shows. There's one person in my life who knows about this. Oh my god, this is a real exclusive. This is exclusive. I never thought I would have to share because why would you? And he's my childhood best friend. We're still friends to this day. Shout out Brian.

And he used to see me eat this. And it's so foul. I bet you there's going to be people listening that are like, I did that too. I don't know. They're going to think it's disgusting. And it, and let me preface this by saying I would never eat this now or in sentence then in like, there's no world in which you could even pay me to eat this. Okay. It'll sound sad when I say this. I'm fine. We're fine. My family, it's not like we were destitute,

but we, times were very tight often. My mom was a school teacher, especially after my parents split, the money was scarce. So we didn't always have like fresh food in the house. Yeah. And when you don't have a lot of money, you just eat like shitty things, cause it's cheap and things with preservatives, cause it lasts forever.

And so we rarely, there was a time when money was super tight and we didn't have often fresh milk. I'm not saying we never had milk. My mom was like, we had milk. There were times that it was tight so we weren't going to the grocery store. We would always have cereal. Cereal was easy to keep, it lasted a while. And we had frosted, we love the sugary cereals, so we had frosted flakes. Yeah, love it. Didn't have milk. Oh my god. So you gotta make do, you know, you gotta, I'm hungry. There's not a lot of food in the fridge, and one thing that also lasts forever is mustard.

Wait a second, I did not see that coming. Wait, I thought you were gonna say like orange juice and frosties or like, wait, what do you mean mustard? What do you mean? You put mustard on frosted food. That's not a liquid, That's not a milk substitute. And I would swirl it around. I've always loved like a sweet and salty combo.

So are we talking like yellow French's mustard? Yellow French's mustard, sugary, sweet, frosted flakes. Oh my God. I can't even describe what it just tastes like, crunchy mustard. I'm really trying to taste it in my mouth and I think I do kind of get it. It's kind of like Thai sweet chili chips or something.

That's what I'm picturing, the Lay's Thai sweet chili. Don't know how I created this other than, oh, I have this in the cabinet and this in the cabinet. Oh my God. And I'm hungry. Wow. And so the only person I would let see me do this was my friend Brian.

Good old Brian. And he would always be like, what is this? And then even when we did have, I got accustomed to really loving it. So when we did have milk, I was like, I don't need it. Oh my God. I got my combo here. That probably stopped when I was about 15.

Whoa, up till 15? Yeah, I think I did it from like maybe 10 to 15. It sounds like you got a taste for it. Yeah, like you were like. Yeah, I got a taste for it. It ended up being delicious to 15. It sounds like you got a taste for it. Yeah, like you were like. Yeah, I got a taste for it. It ended up being delicious to me. I think Thomas, we should put on the list, trying this recipe.

It's gonna be so grossed out. So anyway, that's wildly embarrassing. No, it's not. That's how much I love the bond. That's incredible. And I couldn't have guessed it. I couldn't have guessed it. It would have been worse if it was like mayo or something.

I can get behind like the flavor combo. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for being there for me. Well, I wanna try it. Do you have one? No, combining things, no, that wasn't my arena of creativity. You like to keep things in their place?

Yeah, keep things in their place. No, maybe like celery and cheese whiz, but that wasn't that weird at the time in Canada. Our big thing was like our parents didn't let us have cans of whipped cream. And so anytime they would go out for dinner and leave me and my brother, we would run to the corner store

and we'd buy a whole can of Miracle Whip and we would eat the whole thing. Of, wait, of whipped cream you mean? Yeah, not Miracle Whip and we would eat the whole thing. Of whipped cream you mean? Yeah, not Miracle Whip. Like Ready Whip. Ready Whip. That's it. Ready Whip.

Okay. Oh my God. I want it now. Ready with an I. Yeah. And Whip with no H. Yeah. Really.

They're really mixed up. Should we hear Lee's answer? Yeah. I actually have two answers from when I was a kid. One, I used to put sprinkles inside of slices of cheese and roll them up and eat them just like that, just sprinkles and cheese. Mmm, super good. I also used to dip around Philadelphia, we called them ho-hos.

They're like little chocolate Swiss rolls. I would dip those in cheese sauce. So I think the theme here is cheese. Both sound disgusting. And when I was eight, I was really convinced that they were delicious. Thanks so much. Love your pod. Thanks, Lee. Amazing. Yeah. Those little mini chocolate roll things and a cheese sauce, wow.

Okay, we got a lot to try. Yes, we do. Oh man. I love it. Well, what another fun podcast. What a podcast. I learned about your childhood bedroom, you learned about my weird eating childhood things.

Yeah, love it. We're always learning. It's made me want a hot dog. I'm thinking about mustard and yeah. All right. All right, I'm off to have a hot dog. But keep sending in your questions, please. We really love them.

That's right. Go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod and send in your question and your answer, please. Absolutely. Thank you guys for listening. Check out our full episode on Tuesday. And until then, keep it pretty handsome. Hansome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced,

recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast! That was a hate-gammon podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that all your buttons are buttoned and your zippers are zipped before you head out the door in that fresh new outfit. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something.

Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girls, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me? The podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney

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