Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #27

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Tig and Mae answer questions about learning hard lessons and stand up alter egos on another Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know how to check that you've got interesting conversational prompts prepared before hosting your book club's monthly meeting. Or just plenty of tasty snacks if you haven't read the book. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Handsome Pot. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pot.

Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Hello, it is your friend, Tignotaro. Talking over. And your other friend, May Martin. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you, May?

I'm well, how are you? Doing well, doing well. Little chilly, but doing well. Yeah, I slept in a hoodie last night in my bed and I actually thought I should do that more often. Put the hood up. It was cold in my hotel room. Oh, you slept with your hoodie up.

Yeah, slept with a full hoodie on. Oh, that's snuggly. In my, slept with a full hoodie on. Oh, that's snuggly. In my Pontes and a full hoodie, very weird. Yeah, I've done that before. I think when I've been in hotel or motel rooms that I'm skeeved out about, Oh, yeah. I'll sleep with my hoodie up.

When you're worried about the blankets and stuff, yeah. Worried about everything. Right, you got a germ thing, you don't about everything. Right. You got a germ thing. You don't. Yeah. Yeah. You have no germ thing. I have specific things like when dogs lick people's faces that I'm like, I gotta go. I gotta leave the room. Okay. So if you're dating somebody and they have a dog and the dog is like, not just licking the face, what about licking the mouth? Oh, no, thank you. No, I have to draw the line there. Yeah. What about when the dog gets the tongue in the mouth?

Oh, in the mouth. Oh, I've done. That's how I go through life. Okay. Oh, having that feeling about everything. Not everything. But man, if I pull over to some gross motel, if I'm on the road and I'm tired, I'm like, this is the only thing, okay.

And then I'm just like, oh, gross. My imagination goes nuts. And I think that's the problem with germaphobes is the imagination. That is what I'm way too visual. Yeah. And then also it's reinforced by fact as well. It's like it's your imagination, but also probably if you took a black light and shone it all over, it would be that. And I would never do that. Right, right, right. Yeah.

I already know it's there. And you're just trying to compartmentalize as much as you can. Yeah. Yes. I know. And then I have a couple of friends who have that feeling a lot. And then the pandemic kind of validated that, you know, was like, yeah, these particles are, you know, you sneeze and it goes like 50 feet and, you know.

Yeah. I don you know. Yeah. I don't know, for some reason, maybe it's that exposure therapy, but I was worried about when I had kids because of all the germs on them and crawling around on the floor and boogers and whatever. It actually launched me in a better direction of like, because I love them so much and I was just picking them up and snuggling all of their gross stuff on their body. That was helpful. And then

the pandemic, not that it was easy for me, but it kind of was helpful in that I could see that through certain protocols I could maneuver, you know, to some degree. Obviously, you're not fully safe. But that does actually happen a lot where people who are really neurotic, not that you, I'm not saying you are, but like then in an emergency, it's fine if you think I'm neurotic. I don't think you're neurotic, but they're like in an emergency, they're the calmest one. It's fine if you think I'm neurotic. I don't think you're neurotic, but in an emergency, they are suddenly caught. I worry about the apocalypse a lot, but I feel like if it came, I'd spring into action and I wouldn't panic because I've thought about it so much. So paint a picture of what the apocalypse looks

like to you. It's like martial law. It comes on's like, it comes on the news. They say, guys, all bets are off. You know, there's a big meteor coming or there's zombies around. It's every man for himself. Good luck out there, guys. Find your loved ones. Get out of town if you can.

And everyone's freaking out. So wait, you just go to the next town and escape the apocalypse? Yeah. I just recently ordered a survival kit online So wait, you just go to the next town and escape the apocalypse? I just recently ordered a survival kit online after the fires. I don't know. It's got everything in it, like one of those silver-y- Jar of peanut butter.

Lube, you know, the essentials. Like a silver heating blanket, you know, those really crinkly things like that. So I'll be good. I just got to get a driver's license because on foot I'm not getting far. No you're not. Yeah, we have an emergency go bag. I probably need to revisit that and see if it's updated still. But we had gotten a cat carrier that is a backpack that has a little clear little bubble on it so the cat can look out.

That cracks me up. Yeah, I put the backpack on and walked in and made a joke to Stephanie about like, you know, I'm ready, let's go. As if like all I need is just a kitty in my backpack and out we go. I can't believe that you're someone who's, you've actually fought zombies in real life. Yeah, in real life. I mean, in the opposite of real life, in a movie.

Yeah. And was it scary? Were there actors dressed as zombies running at you and then you had to run and were you scared? There was only one scene, you know, because the movie Army of the Dead is what it's called, was filmed without me and then I was brought in to replace an actor that got in trouble for sexual assault and so they they green screened me into the movie, they meaning Zack Snyder, the director. And I was really just filming the whole movie by myself.

But there's one moment, this is an action film and I'm just by myself. Just going, look, look. There is one moment when I'm flying the helicopter that an actor is in the helicopter with me and I can't remember if he was actually dressed like a zombie or if he was just, you know, turning in there. Or if it was already shot like, you know, like you don't really see him. I don't really know. I can't remember.

It's been a few years, but um... Fast zombies are some of my biggest fears. Fast zombies? Yeah, not the slow ones. That's what that movie is. Is fast. I know slow zombies. I mean, come on.

Yeah, just get in the car and you're good. What is the problem? Yeah, or even just walk away. You're fine. Walk away is fast. Do you think if I got canceled, you would be able to green screen, go back over the handsome podcast and just green screen someone else in there?

Yeah, I mean, I guess we'd have to put Rosie O'Donnell in there or something. Yeah, that's the natural replacement. Yeah. If you can't get May Martin, I guess you just get Rosie O'Donnell. Oh, look what just popped up on my thing is a cartoon version of me from that movie. There you are. That's amazing.

I haven't sorted through my photos yet. I just put all of my favorited photos. I uploaded all my favorited photos, but anyway. Oh, to like your electronic picture frame thing? Yeah. Oh, nice. I haven't gone through and been like, yes, keep this. No, don't keep that.

So certain things pop up that are- Right. Like a picture of a receipt or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's hear our first question. Hey there, handsoms and future Oscar hosts. My name is Joey and I come from the small town of Camelacque, which is about three hours west of the big city of Toronto. And my question for you is what lesson have you had to learn the hard way? I'm a parent of two little kids

that seem to have to learn all of the lessons the hard way. And I'm wondering, what did you have to learn the hard way? Mm-hmm. That's a really good question. That's a really good question. Yeah, I feel like I'm still learning things. Me too. And just when you think you've learned it, you haven't.

I'm a slow learner, I guess. I'm learning the same things over and over. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check and make sure your 13-year-old nephew is still into that children's cartoon before buying them that super cute themed bedspread that they would have loved five years ago. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate. Sammies vary, subjects to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliate, Northbrook, Illinois. What about you? Learning it the hard way where you think like, oh, I got this and then it's yeah. to my previous relationships and how clueless I was as far as like what it really takes to maintain a relationship.

Right. You know, obviously it's all those things that help you get to where you are. And I'm certain I fall short as a spouse here and there still. I'm certain I fall short as a spouse here and there still. But when I really think about myself and how I handled things or what I was drawn to or what any, all of that stuff, it's like, and those are hard lessons.

Those are really brutal lessons, but that's the only way you go is to go through those. I know, and you might have to go through it again and again. And maybe that's your journey on this earth. That's what I'm saying is I did. I mean, over and over. And being attracted to the same kind of people where you think, no way am I going to be attracted to this again,

or I am for sure going to change this about myself because I'm getting in my way and whatever it is. And then, yeah, if you don't make those massive shifts and changes, then you're going to be in the same hard situation again and again and again. Yeah, I'm the exact same. I think I thought that I had cracked, like, oh, I'm really attracted now to emotional availability and someone who's just as, you know, and then someone's not emotionally available and I'm right back to being like, but let me prove my worth and

like instead of just knowing boundaries and I immediately revert back to like, I have to, you know, fix this and like I, and instead of meeting someone where they're at, it's like, I think that's, yeah, romantic relationships are the hardest. It's really, but then the rewards are so great if you can self-regulate and then, but also not put people on a pedestal, but like see where they're at.

The rewards are good, right? Right, Tig? Is it worth it? Yeah, I find it to be worth it. And, you know, even in my marriage, and even though I try to be a really good spouse, I see myself fall short and fall into old lazy patterns and not appreciating things or Stephanie in ways that I should.

And I also don't want to paint a picture like I treat her terribly or anything like that, but just I have moments where I'm like, God, I am so, I remember hearing this song, well, So I remember hearing this song, well, a very important song in our relationship is by the band, It Makes No Difference, I think is the name of it. Yeah, it makes no difference. Yeah. And I heard that, I don't know, in the past few months, and there wasn't even necessarily anything wrong in our relationship when I heard it. In fact, I would say everything was fine, but it brought me back to the very beginning

of our relationship and that feeling of just getting together. And I thought that's probably a really good thing to do is have a little playlist of songs from the very beginning of a relationship. Yeah, that's a really good idea. Because it really brought me back to, God, I'm lucky. I cannot snooze on these moments in life or like get lazy or, you know, I'm so lucky. I like that a lot. I also keep eating coconut oil by accident. That's another one.

Keep learning that lesson is don't eat vegan baked goods because they all have coconut, even if the person working there says it doesn't, if it's a vegan baked good, it's gonna have coconut sugar, coconut flour, coconut oil. Keep getting all red in my neck. I get my neck gets all red and my stomach gets all weird. So I keep learning that lesson.

Let's hear Joey's answer. Yeah. I love the name Joey. I had to learn about money responsibility the hard way. While I was off in university, I had a loan and I decided that I could use it for things like buying $80 seasons of Sex and the City to watch with myself and my roommates and those purchases quickly added up and my money quickly dwindled.

So that was something that I had to make up for and it was definitely learning about my money thriftiness the hard way. Thanks, handsome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're a financially responsible person, right? Does that come naturally to you? I'm still figuring that out. I feel like I've been kind of open, free, generous, and then also like feeling like, wait a minute. Yeah.

Yeah. Do I need to be doing all of this or that or whatever? Because you can end up overspending and then breaking your own back and then you're like, what am I, I, this isn't what I want for myself. Like you have to check in and go, I don't, I'm not being responsible. I'm, I'm, I'm no, I have to shift things. And it's an ongoing process of like seeing where for myself of like, wow, I shouldn't have done that or I should have pulled back or I should have not done

that. I should have done that, you know, all of those things I'm figuring out. I mean, I was always the person that, you know, my electricity would get turned off, you know, because I forgot I just throw a stack of bills on a table. And so it didn't come naturally. Yeah, okay, that's good. Yeah, because same. Yeah, but it's, as time has gone on, I've been more like, I have to do this.

I remember reading something once about like, if something takes less than two minutes to do, just stop what you're doing and just take care of It right then as soon as it crosses your mind go take care of it. And that's something that I'm I'm finding really helpful and whether it's just paying a bill or texting somebody back or you know, I want to be a responsible adult and parent and spouse and

I continue to mess up. Should we hear another one? Let's do it. Hi, handsome. This is Taylor from Buffalo, New York. Go Bills. I want to know, would you rather for the rest of your career have to perform another comedian's material or have another comedian have to perform your material?

Bonus question, who would be the comedian? Thanks, love the show. Wow, that's so good. So in the second scenario, am I still allowed to do comedy, but they just also do my comedy, this person? First, I'm thinking whose material would I want to do? There's so many people, but I don't think I'd be good at it'm thinking whose material would I wanna do? There's so many people, but I don't think I'd be good at it, but who would you wanna do? Like I would, if I tried to do your material,

I'd feel like a fraud. It would be like, I mean, it would be so fun though, cause I love the material. So it would be great to like, but it would be more like acting. I'd be basically doing a take impersonation because you're a cadence and your pace. Well, I was gonna say,

wouldn't you be a fraud about everyone? You know, like if you, with everyone, if you. Like imagine trying to do Maria Bamford's material and all the voices. Well, that's immediately who I went to in my mind. Yeah, me too, yeah. And would I have to do it with her voice, with the. Yeah, with all the, yeah. And would I have to do it with her voice?

Does it just become like who are your favorite comedians? And then who would you like to see do your material? I would love to see Maria Bamford do my material. I'd pay to see that. That would be a really fun thing to see, because she does so many voices. Yeah, I guess that's what I would choose, is to see Maria Bamford do my, I mean, yeah. And then it would be so fun to do hers,

just because it's like, I mean, you can kind of feel like you're in someone's head when you're listening to them do it, but if you're actually performing it, it feels a little more like, oh, this is all for me. I'd like to do some of my favorite SNL characters. Does it have to be stand up? Because it'd be super fun to do some Molly Shannon characters. What Molly Shannon characters or what Molly Shannon character like Mary Catherine Gallagher or You know the the hosts of the radio show who talk really quietly With the on a gas tire. That would be super fun

It would be fun to do some wacky characters that are outside of my general like yeah. Oh my god. I Do characters at home? Yeah, it's like a top secret weird thing that just Stephanie gets to experience. I love that. That's the best. Characters that you've invented? No, or just impressions of people or yeah,

characters anywhere between the two. people or yeah characters anywhere between the two. And then she is incredible at impersonating random friends of mine or people in my life that aren't even known. And we'll sit around and I'll call out a different person's name and she'll, she'll imitate them and it just destroys me. And I've had her do it in front of other people that don't even know who these people are and they still die laughing at her impression. I like when you impersonate Max and Finn. Because it's like, ah, Mer...

That's Finn, Max is more like, everybody get your pinkies out. We're going to do a pinky swear. Oh my God. And then Finn's like, we should probably go to bed now. It's getting late. Yeah. I love that. There you have it, handsome little listeners. If you want, submit your questions, not if you want, we demand that you submit your questions and answers at speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. We absolutely love hearing from you all and I feel like no offense to our celebrity friends but I feel like our listeners submit some of the best questions. I agree. Really unexpected.

Get you from behind. Yes. Completely agree. Completely. Keep them coming. Wow. That's really good. Yeah. Please keep it coming. Check out, I'll be doing new material. Check out either Largo or Dynasty Typewriter in LA. What about you, May? Check maymartinmusic.com. I've got four big music tour shows. I would love to see you at.

Until next time, I guess, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

Like you know to check and make sure you really get a solid hook into that drywall before you hang that heavy art frame that was an heirloom from your grandmother. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.