Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #32

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

Fortune crashes the pretty little party and all three hosts take a very fun question involving Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, and... AMC Theatres?!Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here.Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that you got everyone's order right before going on that coffee run. I'll take a quad shot decaf latte with non-dairy milk, please. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that can save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome pot. Chattin' with friends on the handsome pot. Chattin' with friends on the handsome part. Chatting with friends on the handsome part. Pretty little episode. Every time it startles me. You know what, I was gonna say that was the very first time it didn't startle me.

Really? Because I remembered it was gonna be different, it was gonna sound different. You were prepping yourself to, it was gonna sound different. You were prepping yourself to, this is gonna sound different. And it doesn't sound like the three of us saying, pretty little episode. No, I think it's because I went too deep on,

I went pretty little episode and I should have gone. And I went pretty little episode. Yeah, exactly. That's what happened. Like Marcel Lechelle. With shoes on. With shoes on. With shoes on, I always forget that part.

Yeah, how do you miss the most important part? I mean, that's a good name. If I had really thought about it and been more organized with naming children, I would have named one of my sons Marcel Lachelle with shoes on. Yeah, or like if we had qualifiers attached to our names, like it would be May the comedian with short hair.

It's not as good. That's good, or with oatmeal tattoo. Yeah, May the comedian with oatmeal, or with a sleazy gold chain. Yep. What would yours be? I would be, oh, I almost copied Jenny and called me, I almost called myself, is it TIG the Shell?

Oh the comedian, okay. See in my head it was TIG the Shell with slippers on and I'm okay with that. TIG the Shell with slippers on? Yeah I like that a lot. How are you? Sorry to interrupt. Oh, I was just talking more about the shell and shoes and stuff. I was just wondering how you are. I'm doing well.

I've been home now for a little over a month and I've just been walking around the house singing I'm normal doing normal things in my normal life. Oh my God. And I love it so much. Like, we just- That's so nice. Yeah. It's incredible to get up and drive Max and Finn to school and then have coffee, take a walk with Stephanie and just chat. We'll chat for like an hour or something and then,

you know. I'm craving that normalcy. Like I'm craving having access to all my clothing options too. Yeah. Like I've just had the same options for a month and I can't wait to get home and I just feel to wear a different pair of jeans, you know? Yeah, it would definitely be nice to see you in a different pair of jeans. I know, I know. I mean, I am so deeply sick of those jeans you've been wearing. I know, and you can't even see them, they're cut off screen,

but you can sense that they're very- I can sense they're there, and I'm sick and tired of them. Well, I tried to, I thought maybe you might enjoy this zip sweater, this like three-quarter zip. Yeah. I wouldn't usually wear,

I usually wear a hoodie, don't I? Well, that's really nice. You thought I'd appreciate it because it seems like I'd wear it? Yeah, it felt like a very tight garment and it was just gonna be you and me and I wanted to impress. Well, it's been done here.

I am very impressed and I would like it as a hand-me-down, please. Oh, great, okay. When you grow up older than me, which will never happen. When I was little, I used to think I couldn't wait until I was older than my brother. I was going to like beat him. I was going to like get older than him.

Yeah. It didn't happen. No. Oh, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, went all rogue and popped into our mini episode. I feel like I would be getting away from me. Cheating. Yeah. You feel caught cheating? Yeah, I kind of feel like, hey, we weren't having that much fun for tonight. Swear.

Feels like you were. It was like you were. Yeah, we were. What are you guys talking about? Oh, I was talking about how we were. Feels like you were. Yeah, we were. What are you guys talking about? Oh, I was talking about how I've been doing normal things. I wrote this hit song called, I'm doing normal things in my normal life and I'm just a normal person.

Just cause it feels good to be home and just taking Max and Finn to school and taking a walk and you know. I'm happy for you, bud. Thank you. I'm just, I'm not, I'm not in Toronto anymore. And I am in Toronto. This is, we are, it's crazy. Yeah. And my song that I walk around singing is,

I'm still away. I cry myself out, but I'm really glad that fortune left. Never be home. I'm hanging in my kitchen with my cooter out. What? What was that response? Fortune Marie? I don't know, Tig Marie.

Look at my mug, it says Ford. What does that mean? Like a car? I don't know, why do I have a mug that has Ford on it? Where did this come from? I don't know, but that was a very like Aunt Fortune thing to say. Like, my mug says Ford. He could say for children. Oh yes. You know what my mug says? What?

Ask me about my cat. Does it actually say that? It does. Oh my God. So how's your cat? Well, that's the vibe. And you know, when people are visiting from out of town, I'll just be drinking out of my mug and then I'll point to it and I'll be like, and I'll point, you know, and then they'll be like, oh, how's your cat? Or I'll do it to Stephanie, you know, I'll be like, excuse me. Haven't asked in a while. Handsome mugs that say ask me about my cooter.

Ask me about my cooter. That's a great idea. Great word. Thanks. Yeah. I went and did that podcast the other day, Office Ladies. Oh yeah, about the office. That's right, Fortune.

What are you, a detective? Yeah, that's my monocle. When I walked in, the engineer or producer, editor, somebody had a little cowboy hat on. No way. What? Yeah. Whoa, that's amazing.

I have my, oh wait, I thought I had my handsome sweatpants on. Are you pantless right now? Yes. Ooh. Ask me about my cooter. I just realized that would be a good response to the smartless podcast is pantless.

That's true. And everyone doesn't wear pants. That's how it works. That's exactly right, Fortune. And when we recorded, our cameras are just pointed at our bottom halves. Yes. Our top halves are off camera.

And we hold the mics to our butts and we make it seem like our butts are doing the podcast. I don't know how long of a shelf life this podcast has. It feels career ending, to be honest. I feel like it would shoot to number one or number two. Hey. Hello. Oh, my word. Should we get to some listener questions?

Yeah. Also, I can't believe Fortune barged in on our episode. Anyway. Y'all. I swear to God. Okay, go ahead. Hello, handsome friends. My name is Harmony.

I'm here in Nashville, Tennessee. I heard your podcast talking about wanting Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman to come to your show at the Ryman. And if anybody knew them to let them know. So I see him on a regular basis and he just happened to come into my work today with his daughter. And I told him all about you guys and your handsome podcast and that you are coming to the Ryman and how much you guys love him and Nicole and that he should check you all out

and he should go to the show. So he's had to stop in and say, you're welcome. And if I had a question, it would be, can I take y'all out to lunch in Nashville? And my answer to that would be yes. Let's see if Keith comes through first. I mean, when I heard that, I realized that I was taking it as confirmed that he's coming.

I was, I was like hanging on, like we didn't get any sort of information about, did he seem interested? Did he care? Was he like, oh my God, Tig Notaro? You guys pretend you, your harmony real quick, telling Keith, I'm Keith Urban. I've just come into your shop. Thank you.

Be Nicole Kidman too. Oh yeah. Okay. Oh my God. Well, um, you came back to Baskin Robbins. Um, Keith. No. Yeah.

No. Nicole. You don't have rise of blades in this ice cream, do you? No. I'm a huge fan. I don't know if you guys are familiar with the handsome podcast, but okay. Okay. And would you like to comment?

You should be on their show. No, no. No. Good. I, oh my God. I think that's probably how it went down. What do you guys think? Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

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Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Wait, why does she see Keith Urban every day? I bet she's a hairdresser. He would go every day. He's got an amazing head of hair. He sure does. In answer to her, the second part of her question, I would 1 million percent go for lunch with her. I mean, not in a weird way. I just want to know the local spots. I want to see like what's Texas food like. Well, it's Nashville.

Oh, oh. Oh fuck. It's Nashville, Tennessee. I'm gonna go out to lunch in Nashville to see what Texas food is like. Oh my God. I don't know, there might be a Texan restaurant in Nashville. They've got a Texas barbecue around this Nashville place.

What Keith doesn't know is that I know how to two step really well to one of his songs. Which song? There's a new thing, there's a new thing, there's a new thing, there's a new thing, I know that song. There's a new thing, there's a new thing, there's a new thing, there's a new thing, I know that song. I want to love somebody, love somebody like you. I'm a great two-stepper to that song. God, that's a good song. That's a really good song.

It's really good. Honestly, Tig, if you saw me two-step into it. With those gams? With these gams. No pants on? You would be turned on. If you saw me two step into it. With those gams? With these gams. No pants on? You would be turned on. I'm telling you, bud.

Really? I'm telling you, bud. I'm telling you, bud. You'd really want a piece of this. You guys are, all the people listening, I don't toot my horn often, but toot toot. I can two step like a mofo. I actually feel like you toot horns like nobody's business.

I'm always like, Fortune put the horn down. Y'all. Fa fa fa fa fa. But wait, can you only two step to that song? No, that's just a really good one to two step to cause it's, it follows the rhythm of the two step, but it's upbeat. And do you lead?

I lead and I'm also a very good salsa dancer. So I incorporated salsa moves, like spins and stuff into the two-stepping. Are you ever gonna go on dancing with the celebrities? Dancing with the celebrities. Are you? They've never asked. I don't know because I don't know. I would only really know how to be the boy parts.

I think they would do that. These days, aren't they mixing it up sometimes? You could dance with the woman and do a boy part. That seems like a lot of physical fitness. I thought you'd be incredible. But I actually would be pretty good. Oh my God. Let's get Fortune on Dancing with the Celebrities.

Yeah. It's a new show. Yeah, it's a new show. Yeah, but anyway, I used to go to all can Harry's, the gay country Western bar and to step a bunch. But now I need a new place is two stepping. Sorry. I'm sorry to slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, slow, slow, slow, quick, slow. Yeah, I can picture that.

That's the rhythm. Okay, great. But I turn people, spin them. I do all these moves, May. Pretty great. Wow. Let's go out. Okay.

Wait, are you asking Fortune out? No, like out in the town. Well, I think Fortune has been subtly insinuating that she wants to take me out with all this stuff. May, you should see it. I turn people. Yeah, I turn all the straights gay. With your two step.

Yeah, so straights, watch out. I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you. Well, Keith, come through. Yeah, Keith, come through. Come on, Keith. I introduced Nicole Kidman at a awards ceremony once you can drop that to her. That's something. Yeah. What did she say? No, we were just standing quietly next to each other behind the curtain. Yeah, it was just me and Nicole Kidman who is already a tall drink of water.

If you've heard if you've seen my Hello Again special, I talk about, I think she's six feet and she had on really high heels. And I was just standing there in my flats. In your flats, your penny loafers. Yeah, my penny loafers. And I had to introduce her onto the stage and I just said, hi, I'm Tig.

And she was like, nar. Nar? Yeah. Nar. I like Nicole Kidman so much. I went to the movie theater to see Baby Girl. Wow, that is love. That's love.

That's love. And isn't she in movie theater, like the intro at movie theaters? It's iconic. Famously, yeah. Famously, people recite that. People recite her commercials. Oh really?

Yeah. Then tell me what it is, cause I don't know. I didn't say I did. It's like, we come to the movies. The gay guys love it. Yeah, I feel like gay men made that viral by recognizing how iconic it is. And it's like, we come here to be startled.

We come here. And then it goes, even heartbreak feels good in a place like this. We come to this be startled, to be, and then it goes, even heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Yeah. We come to this place for magic. We come to AMC theaters to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that. I'm just here to clarify for people.

No, indescribable feeling. We get, the lights begin to dim. And we go somewhere we've never been before. Not just entertained, but somehow reborn. Together, dazzling images on a huge silver screen. Sound that I can feel. Somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Our heroes feel like the best part of us

and stories feel perfect and powerful because here they are. Wow. That is pretty dramatic. It is. And I'm gonna rehearse this over and over until I get it down. But I also want to acknowledge that we've kind of forgotten that we got asked a question. And we're really far off the rails.

No, she didn't have a question. Yeah, she was with you. Yeah, and Mae is going to lunch. So are you guys not coming? You're not coming for lunch? My mom's going to be in Nashville with us. Well, yeah, and my kid, my family's going to lunch. So are you guys not coming? You're not coming for lunch? My mom's gonna be a nationalist. Well, yeah, and my family's gonna be there. They cannot, I'm sure they are invited. You're not sure.

We'll follow up with Harmony. But also I need Harmony to tell Keith about Hello Again and about Nicole, the reference to Nicole in there, okay Harmony? And maybe replay him our rendition of Nicole's AMC theater. Replay all of this. I don't know that that's gonna endear us.

I do, I do. We're gonna have Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman on stage with us in Nashville. Oh my God, if it were already sold out, it would sell out. Oh my God, if it weren't already sold out, it would sell out. Oh my gosh, we could add a second show because we have Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman. Do you think she told him it was sold out?

He should know that. You think? Because he's gonna be like, oh, they probably want me to sell tickets. Oh, okay, gnar. We don't need that. So when we're in Nashville and your family's there and your mom's there.

Nashville or Texas, wherever. You know, Nashville comma Texas. So and I'm there just on my lonesome. Can I hang with you guys? Are we gonna do a group activity or something? Not with me. Let's do a group of portions. No, like just with Ginger.

Yeah, come on. No, of portions. No, like just with Ginger. Yeah, come on. No, of course, we can have a big crazy day and night. And next, stay up all night. Oh my God. Stay up all night. Mm-hmm. In a cuddle puddle. Laura's coming too. Seriously? Whoa. Oh my God, I gotta get a partner fast.

Well, Ginger's coming. No, Jax isn't coming. Just my mom. Jax isn't coming. Just my mom. Jax isn't coming? I know, but you got it. So you and my mom can hook up. Hey. Well then who are you gonna hook up? You're offering your mother's cooter to May?

Oh my God. Hey. You know May is gonna use and abuse that thing. No, you guys. May has a- I just want a spoon. I just want to spoon your mom. Would Ginger spoon May?

Well, she might not be able to get back up, but so we'll spoon May. Who would be the big spoon out of me and Ginger? I think me. You would. Can you just say me? Thank you. Can we just say me?

Can we just say me? Can I be that big spoon? Well, Harmony, that was a delightful question. Oh yeah. Yes, thank you so much. I keep forgetting about you Harmony and I'm so sorry because that was such a wonderful question to get. Thank you for listening to the podcast and get Keith and Nicole down to the show.

It's sold out. We're big deals, okay? We don't need them there. We want them there. But I love Harmony, that Harmony put herself out there for us. Yes, like we always ask people to spread the word about the pod, I love it. I did.

Yeah, that's a friend right there. So again, this is a great moment for us to say, listen, if you have access to a big wig, to Dolly Parton's big wig, then please reach out and connect us because we really need one of those to come through where it's hilarious that somebody told a massive celebrity. And they just showed up.

Or they come on our show. Like, if Thurman just walks out on stage, that would be hilarious. He's going to. Casey Musgraves, she has that gay song. What is the gay song? Does she? Yeah, does she? Yeah, it's a song about if your arrow points

in a certain way, that's okay. That's great. Arrow is being gay. That sounds gay. That sounds pretty gay. If you love somebody. Point your arrow to a gay person. But yeah, it's a gay song.

I think we should just put Keith's name on the door, put him on the list just in case he shows up. Yeah, put him on the list for sure. Just in case he can't get in. We should also have a green room, a dressing room. Just for Keith. That says Keith Urban and like a big star on the door. And then the next door down, it's gonna say Nicole Kinman.

We just separated. And we fill the dressing rooms with champagne and flowers. Oh, they have separate dressing rooms, but then we also have a dressing room where it says Keith and Nicole. Oh, in case they wanted to join. Yeah. Yeah, great. I've never been they wanted to join. Yeah. Yeah, great.

I've never been more excited for a live show. The only other one I'm this excited about is our Austin show, which you can livestream. Which are only two lined up. Exactly. So those are the two that we're most excited about. Well, I think that was such a massive guest to have, a mysterious person that knows Keith and Nicole.

What are the chances? Do you think she does Keith's hair? That's what I wanna know. I know, I wanna know what context she's seeing him in so regularly and she's comfortable enough to be like, hey. His coffee shop. Or you know what, he, I bet, has more than one person that works on his hair, because he's got famous hair. You know, he I bet has more than one person that works on his hair because he's got famous hair.

You know there's layers. He would have one person per layer. Yeah. Also isn't he he's into horses and stuff so she could be a stable person. He's like a little cowboy. He's a little cowboy. I just love the idea of him going what? I just love the idea of him going, what? Hi, Nar. I think I think harmony. Oh, and how perfect that her name is Harmony. Can we quickly sing her name? Yeah, let's do it.

Can we quickly do it? Harmony. Wait, say you're low. You start low. I'll go high. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Wait, you got to keep yours going. Are you sure we want her to send this to him?

No, she doesn't have to send this part. No, she has to send this episode to him. Okay. Okay, harmony, harmony, harmony. Harmony. I love that. You gotta pick a key. Harmony.

Harmony. Harmony. Go harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony.

Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. That was great. Wow. Tick's still going. We're so good. Harmony.

God, we're good. Let's tune our own horns. Wait, can I start high and then you guys go low? Oh, let's try it. Never tried it. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony.

Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. Harmony. I mean. I mean. This is why we sing our own theme song. Are we starting a band called the Indigo Queers? Keith has gotta hear this.

We gotta be backup singers for him. He's like, how much do you guys want from me? Jesus. I'll pay you to stop talking about me. But once he sees me two-stepping to his song, it's game over, y'all. And he sees your gams because you're going to two-step pantless, right?

Yes. Yeah. All right. That was fun. Remember, you can still buy tickets to our live stream April 12th. Just go to our social media pages or dynasty typewriter.com. Get your live stream and then you can be part of our big colossal live event. It's going to be electric.

And I guess until then, all that remains is... Keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. That was a hate gum podcast. Okay. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

Like you know to check and make sure that neighborhood dog is friendly and wants to get pets before moving in to give some love. Now that's a good dog. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.