Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #36

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

Fortune and Mae name a cat, perform some spot-on impressions, and dish about Kelly Clarkson's famous winks on a brand new Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Northbrook, Illinois. is on the menu with new McValue. Prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value. Handsome pot. Chatting with friends on the handsome pot. Chatting with friends on the handsome pot. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome's pretty little episode. We're feeling pretty, we're feeling little, we're feeling episode. We're feeling pretty. We're feeling little. We're feeling episode.

That's right. It's your pal, Fortune, and I'm joined by my pal. May. It's weird that my name is May. Is it? Does it seem right? It does kind of in a way. I like the, you have the alliteration like I have.

Yeah. I love an alliteration. Yeah. Me too. What's Biggie's last name? Feiteration like I have. Yeah. I love an alliteration. Yeah. Me too. What's Biggie's last name? Feamster? I say it is.

Jack thinks it's Smith, but we, when he's with me, uh, and I say to him, you're a Feamster. I don't know if she says that to, that he's a Smith, but Biggie Feamster is a cool name too. Yeah. Biggie Feamster is cool. Maybe it. Yeah, Biggie Feamster is cool. Maybe it's hyphened. Yeah, he can talk about that in therapy. Yeah.

About his identity. Yeah, I think May is a fun name. I think so too, yeah, yeah. I wish you could shorten it to a nickname. You can only lengthen it to like. Yeah, because May as is is a shorter name. Yeah, like you could just do mm. Mm.

I have heard people refer to you as mm. Really? Mm. Mm. About May. I've heard people refer to you as fuck. Yeah, we just, we'll talk about it in our, with Tig, but we had our two live shows back to back

and there was a lot of screaming for May. Well, did a, yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to recap our adventures. Yeah. Those were pretty incredible. It was super fun. May and I went to breakfast together.

Oh, we did. We had a lovely, it took a long time to come. Yeah. The food. Oh yeah. But not to be negative, but sorry. It took a long time to come. The food.

Because you know, like diner, you expect it's going to be a quick delivery. Yeah. The coffee was quick. That was true. But we got to chat and catch up and catch each other up to speed on what's going on in life. Yeah, I liked that a lot. It was a nice bonding experience.

You know the next step, you gotta come over. I know, I gotta see that pad. Yeah man, I'm like, I mean I only really have people over to do painting and get weird, so if you're up for some painting. I'm not a good painter, but I'm up for any experience. Great. I'm gonna get a massage tonight.

Here you are? Yeah, because we got back from traveling and I've been like pumping iron, lifting weights. So I'm going to go get a nice massage at the K-Spa. That's great. Oh, the Korean spa. So they're going to wash all the crevices. Yeah. And guess what the masseuse's name is who I really love there. What may Yeah, some may on may action. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's all I've ever wanted I I would go to the Korean spa, but I don't want to be in the nude Yeah, and everyone there's in the nude. Yeah, that's true. Well, they have like private massage rooms, but they are in the nude You don't get get your gems out. Yeah, because people, because for those of you who don't know

the Korean spa is like a lot of different rooms and there's some steam rooms, right? And like rooms with water and you're getting washed off and scrubbed down. And yeah, the most intense room is an ice room. That's like an sauna. That I love it a lot. It's very punishing, but you know, I like that. Yeah, you like a little danger with your massage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't wanna be too relaxed. I love a massage.

I don't know if the, I have to go back on the road again right away on Wednesday, but I was proud of myself. I worked out four days in a row while on tour. Yes, dude, that's hard. Which is huge for me Yeah, I am determined on this tour to be much healthier than I was on my last tour Yeah, I I'm down 40 pounds and I'm gonna keep it going Yeah, then my last tour was not not healthy. So every hotel I went to the gym. Yes. Then when I got home I treaded water,

which is my thing now. Yeah. And yeah, I feel really hopeful about the balance of this tour. Yeah, great. My thing is like on tour is my phone, like just getting back to the hotel room. I'm like, I'll spend an hour and a half on my phone before back. Scrolling, yeah. Yeah, and just looking at like pictures people have tagged from the shows and people's comments, and I just get sucked into a vortex.

Well, it's hard to come down off that high, right? You have this show with all that energy, and then you get back to your hotel, and you're kind of having to slowly in increments come down from that. Yeah, big time. I get it, some scrolling and looking at pics and be like, oh, that was fun, look at what we did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes people will tag you in a pic that is so unflattering and you don't re-post those. Oh, welcome to my life. Yeah. I have some pretty unflattering angles. Well, good times, should we get some questions? Yeah, let's hear from people.

Hello, May, Tig and Fortune in absolutely no particular order. You're all fabulous. My name is CB and I live in Austin, Texas. Thank you all for coming. What a treat. My question for you is I just got a little cat that showed up at my door, couldn't find its home, and I'm looking to name it. It is white and orange, very affectionate, currently purring, if you can hear. I can't hear. If not, that's a bummer for you. But I want to know what to name it. And obviously my first choice is Handsome. But I'm also thinking about naming him Calcifer from the Studio Ghibli house moving council

who, you know, it's a little fire flame. So that's my answer. But I'm curious what yours is. Handsome's a great name for an animal. It is. Because you'd go, morning handsome. Don't cats, aren't cats like known for roaming around? Do we think this is someone's cat? It's just now in our house.

Yeah, yeah. I like the idea of, I like human names for cats, like Bruce or something. Oh yeah. Diane. I'm gonna go with the name Tiger. Okay, yeah, you went, this is pretty standard. Orange, not to judge, not to judge, but okay.

I'm going with exactly what I see. What's up, Tiger? Yeah, I don't mind that. What about- Or Tigre. Oh, Tigre's good. What about, yeah, I'm going to go Bruce or Diane, but I'm going to stick with that. Bruce or Diane. All right. But I actually, I think Handsome's a really good name. Should we hear another one though? Yeah.

Hi, Handsome's. I love you all. I think you're all amazing. My name is Ryan and I'm calling from New Hampshire and I made it to Toronto to see your live show with one of my besties. So that's super fun. But what I wanted to ask you was what do you think is your best impression of a person or a creature? Wow, that's great. Your best impression of a person? Just any person?

Yeah, like an impression. Like your Jennifer Coolidge is very strong. I want a hot dog. Real bad. Yeah. What else have you got? A person or a creature? I've got, well, I like to do Mr. Tumnus from Narnia. You know, he's like a, he's got, he's like half deer, maybe deer from

the waist down and then man. But I can't really do it without standing up and doing the whole movement. But he's like, Lucy Pevensey. I don't know, I really wanna play Mr. Tumnus in the new Greta Gerwig Narnia. And I told my agents, hey, can you reach out to Greta Gerwig and tell her I really wanna play Mr. Tumnus? And they were like, and then like a week later, I was like, hey, did you do that?

And they were like, oh no, that's outrageous. You're like, I need you to believe in me. I know, I used to do all my teachers and stuff in school and but like celebs, like, I don't know. I really wanna work on the, all the boys from Love on the Spectrum. Oh yeah, I just saw someone on TikTok doing their impression.

It was pretty spot on. I think I saw the same one. Connor's voice is, don't speak to me about that. Mother, I know what it's like to live that way. That's a good Connor. And James is sort of like, yes, someone else, is it possible that we could, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And Tanner's like, I am a good guy, Mom. I am a good guy, Mom, right? That is, yeah. Yeah, Kelly. Yeah, Kelly. Yeah. I like ducks too. That's good.

What kind of animals do you like, Kelly? Do you like dogs? Do you like elephants? Do you like, yeah, see, this is pretty good. I met Tanner in New York last season he and I both were doing the Kelly Clarkson show and he was so awesome we took a video together and then he and his mom and his sister Midge came to my stand-up show no way at the beacon yeah and they were so great I think it's probably a little

overwhelming for him because you know it's like 3,000 people in that theater and a lot of people, he's very recognizable. So I think it was like a stimulation overload for him, but he was so cute and sweet and his family, like that show, if anyone's watched Love on the Spectrum, I always tell people to watch it. I think it's just such a pure, beautiful show about people who just want to love and be loved and it's like, kind of takes you back to what dating and love should be.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like so honest with each other. Getting a kiss is like the greatest thing in life. They've not had one. When seeing Connor, did you see the episode where Connor got his first kiss? Yeah. He's like, hand was shaking and he was like.

It was incredible, yeah. I mean, you're like, that's what it's supposed to be like. Totally. It's like pure thing. I think that show has really made a lot of people sort of raise their standards of what they're looking for. Just like kindness and openness and yeah. And they are very honest.

If they don't like someone, they're like, can I just tell you? I mean, I just want to be friends. And they're like, okay. Yeah. There's no games. It's like really amazing to watch. But I'll say their families are so wonderful too. Like the support these kids have on that show is really inspiring to watch.

I know. We should definitely try and get a question from one of the cast. That would be great. Yeah, I could probably reach out to Tanner's mom. Oh my God. Yeah. That's amazing. So those are our impressions. Leah, let's hear Rhian's answer. I do have a made-up impression from Pam the Mall Walker. Yeah, let's hear it. It's a character I created. Hello, I am Pam the mall Walker. I have my funny pack on and I am ready for treats. Okay.

I love Pam and she just walks the mall. She walks and she has a fanny pack and she gets and she puts little treats in her fanny pack as she goes on her walks. Yeah, great. I actually do have one more. Yeah, give it to us. One time I was on the subway in London and there was this woman in her 50s and she was running to try to make the train and she ran in and she just made it and the doors closed but it was kind of hectic

when she made it. She kind of stumbled in and then she kind of looked around and she goes, Jesus! And I think about it all the time. Jesus! Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check for extraterrestrial beings when you're scanning the sky on a moonless night. You never know when you're going to spot a glowing orb or two. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty state fire and casualty insurance company

and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Yeah, what has Rhianne got for us? When it comes to me, my best impression of a creature is actually of ET and I can sound pretty much like him. So this is an example. ET phone home. ET loves handsome.

Love you guys. Wow. That was so much better than I expected. That was really good. Holy shit, Rhian. That's, you gotta go on the road with that. It is fun when people have these little random talents. Yeah, I mean I can do a thing where it sounds like

there's a little man in my throat. Let's hear it. And I do it with my mouth closed, almost like a ventriloquist thing. Okay, ready? I can only say one sentence. Okay. Okay. I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it a lot.

I don't know what that's... The visual of that was pretty great. Wow. I mean, it's crazy that I'm single, right? Dude, you better get snatched up soon. I know. Do we have time for one better get snatched up soon. I know. Do we have time for one more? Let's do another.

Yeah. Hi, Tic. Hi, Mary. Hi, Fortune. My name is Morgan. I'm from Nashville, Tennessee. I just saw y'all at the Ryman, and it was such a fun show.

You guys did awesome. My question for you all is, what is your favorite household appliance sound? By the way all of our question askers today came to one of our live shows that's pretty cool. Yeah very cool yeah. We'll have to do some more in the future we don't have anything lined up right now but those were so fun we'll have to look into that. Yeah okay my one is and I don't know if this is a phenomenon in America that I was unfamiliar with, but the past two places I've lived,

the laundry machine, when it is done, plays a song that is so long that, so this is it. Okay. Da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da, it still goes on. I've got to make a video of it, it's crazy. But that's my favorite thing. It's a whole little dance break every time I want.

My mom has one of those. It's like, but it's much shorter. It's crazy though. I don't know that that's the specific tune. I've only heard it a couple of times a year, but it's much shorter. It's crazy though. I don't know that that's the specific tune. I've only heard it a couple times a year. But it's something. You should be able to program your laundry machine

with the sound of your choice. So I could get, for instance, Rihann doing her ET. So every time my laundry's done, it's like ET. I think you should be able to program your washing machine to sing, I've been waiting for some clothes like you. And it would make you wanna do laundry more. You guys don't see what's into that, whatever.

I'm gonna program my washing machine to do that. I don't know that song. I've been waiting for a girl like you to do that. I don't know that song. I've Been Waiting for a Girl Like You? Oh, no. I've been waiting for a girl like you. I don't know why I don't know that. You still don't know that? No, but.

Well, look it up. I will be. It'll blow your mind. Well, if I sing it and you don't like it, you're not, it's not gonna get much better. Yeah, yeah, you're really the, you're like Kelly Clarkson. I'm just like Kelly Clarkson, who by the way, drove, did we talk about that?

Drove the lesbians wild. Oh, by doing the chapel rhone song? No, but well, all the songs Kelly does drives the lesbians wild, but in particular, Kelly saying that song, just as as good on a vacation far away. Take something, come talk it over. There's so much that I wanna say. You know I like my girls a little bit older. And then winked.

Whoa, she winked. When she sang that part. Okay, so the wink was what really. So the, yeah, it's called Your Love by The Outfield. And the lesbians lost their damn minds. Listen, we all just take what we can get and we get real excited. I think you should look up the video and see the wink.

And Kelly later got asked about it. And she just said, oh, I wink a lot in my songs. And people were like, do you? Yeah. That felt deliberate. Yeah, she should own the wink. I have a real wink fetish. People who can confidently wink, I love.

So I don't know if it might be dangerous for me to watch this. You will. I mean, Kelly's voice already is just the greatest thing on earth. You know why I like it? It's effortless. It's like even because even Lady Gaga, even Alicia Keys, like they're amazing voices, but they're pushing. Kelly, it's like effortless. It's like that whole range is just sitting there for her. Voice of an angel. And I've been a Kelly stan from day one, long before all these TikTokers got on board. My entire four years on Chelsea Lately

was at different times, me giving a plea to Kelly Clarkson to come on the show. And she never did. And then I ran into her the year after Chelsea late was done. And I said, I used to talk about you all the time. She goes, I know. Oh my God. He's like, I know.

And I had no impulse to reach. I know. And I did nothing, but we're friends now. I've done her show 10 times more than anybody. 10 times. Holy shit. 10 times I've done the Kelly Clarkson show. They gave me a jacket at all my fifth time. Whoa. From the voice, it was a tiny jacket.

I don't get to go on there as much now that it's in New York, but she asked the handsome question, too. Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah. So we stand. We stand. Our gal, Kelly. And don't you be driving those lesbians wild Kelly with your twinks. I'm going to watch that as soon as we're done here. It's pretty great.

Should we hear Morgan's? Yeah, let's hear Morgan's answer. So my favorite household appliance sound used to be the running dishwasher. It signaled the end of a long day and it just felt like I had all my decks in a row, but it has recently changed. My favorite sound is that of the garage door opening at the end of the day because it means my husband has come home from work and my son whenever he hears it just lights up because he knows daddy's home and he's about to get to hug him and play with him

and it's just so sweet and it just makes me feel really happy when I hear it. So yeah, I can't wait to hear y'all's answers. Thank you so much. That's so great. I totally forgot that that was the question we were answering. I didn't even answer it. Oh yeah, sorry. Yeah. Mine would be the vacuum only because similar to her, it ignites other responses that make me happy. And the vacuum makes Biggie bark and he runs over to it and is like, like he's fighting it.

And I think it's the cutest thing in the world. And so sometimes I will run the vacuum and push it near him just to get him to go. Well, listen, he's pretty low key the rest of the time. Anything that amps him up is fun to watch. Well, this has been an absolute delight. What a delight. That's huge. Such a treat. I always like answering questions from our fans.

We do that at our live show as well. Yeah, it's fun. People in the audience, like. Yeah, and it really does ensue some pretty crazy times. Yeah. At the end of our Austin show, we had to sing a song together, and what a treat that was.

Oh yeah, I went weird there. I could see that that made you sad. We were improvising a song that was like, thanks so much for Austin, we love you. And then it was my turn and I was like, sometimes I feel so lonely, I want to die or something. But I didn't even mean that. It's just for some reason, I think song, I think emotions. You want to emote? Yeah. And then I was like, okay. And then I took over.

I was like, thanks for coming to our show. Keep it handsome. Yeah, you rescued it. But that's what we all bring something different to the table and that's the beauty of it. Yeah, exactly. But please keep sending your questions in to us. You can go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod.

We wanna hear from you, we wanna hear your impressions. And keep listening to our regular episode and telling your friends about the pod. Come see me on tour, I'm on a huge tour that's going to a lot of places. May, are you adding any more shows for music or? I am, but I don't know them yet, but I am. And in June, I'm going to be hitting three cities that I've never played music in.

It's going to be fun. Nice. Well, we're keeping busy, but we appreciate you guys listening. Yeah, we love you a lot. Yeah, we do love you a lot. Yeah, we love you a lot. We love you a lot.

Even though sometimes we get so lonely. Don't talk to me about love, mom. I know Queen of Drake is. I guess all that remains is to keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulett. Email us at handsomepod at gml.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! That was a hate gun podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check and find the tastiest of taco trucks when you're in the mood for some delicious Mexican food.

Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hi, I'm Rachel Billson. And I'm Olivia Allen. And we host the podcast.

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