Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #40

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

Mae and Tig chat about superstitions and the positives of a difficult time (middle school!) on the prettiest, littlest episode yet!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Pretty little episode. Welcome to a pretty little episode of the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to a pretty little episode of the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your hosts, May Martin, joined by the handsome. Tig Notaro. It's me, May. It's me, Tig. Hey.

Hey. I see you're still in Toronto. Yep, still here, still here in my parents basement. Oh, you're at your parents? Not in this moment, but I sleep in their basement. Yeah, and they have a Murphy bed and they love that Murphy bed, man. I love a Murphy bed.

You don't like a Murphy bed? No, I love it too, but not the way they love it. Like they are just electrified. Tell me. Oh, they're just electrified. Tell me. Oh, they're just like, we unfolded the Murphy bed and when you're not here, we fold it up. Well, isn't that just letting you know that the Murphy bed is down or up?

Is that really truly a love affair with a Murphy bed? It's the look on their face that they are electrified. Let me see the look. It's like that. Sparkly. And is it comfortable, the Murphy bed? It's super comfortable and it's like a sensory deprivation chamber down there in the basement. It's like no light, no sound.

And just kind of on the wall, they have framed my Shiatsu massage diploma. The like, their proudest moment. I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah. Is that your choice that you sleep in the basement on the Murphy bed? Is there another room? Is this the house you grew up in?

No, it's there, they only got it like 15 years ago and it's the only room's they only got it like 15 years ago. And it's the only ceiling room of like, I could get a hotel but it feels it's been nice. I've been in Toronto like once a month doing this at it. And it's it's been nice. Eating home cooked food and like, you know, the Murphy bed, my dad, oh my god, he's such a good cook. What's his specialty? British food, so roasts, but he'll, like a nice piece of fish that he'll just cook it so well and he does like roasted broccoli that is really nice. I'm not making it sound good, but he really is.

Listen, I am a huge broccoli fan. Me too, Tig. Isn't it crazy how when you roast a Tig, it takes on a whole new flavor tig. Roasting will do that. And then are you, do you enjoy cauliflower? Or are you like, yes, okay. Love cauliflower.

We have found a common. A common ground. Yeah, a common ground, like a food. Yeah, finally we can talk. No, I just, I feel like broccoli gets such a bad rap. You know, maybe it's just for children that maybe, maybe I'm just hanging out in the world of small children. I mean, my kids like broccoli, but I do feel like people are like, eh, you know, like I was just at a dinner a few nights ago, and part of the dinner was broccoli.

And I looked around, so many people pushed their broccoli to the side. Are you serious? Come on, guys, grow up. And I was gonna say, and these were adults and I truly wanted to be like, can I have your broccoli? Like, are you really not gonna eat to me? That is yum yum stuff.

It's the classic veg. And also I feel like now in restaurants and stuff, like you never get just a side of broccoli. It's always broccol broccoli or like something special. I just want your standard Brock. I want like I don't have a problem with broccoli. I'll be honest with you. You have a hang up on broccoli.

No, I like it too. But yeah, I love a hearty hearty head of Brock. Yeah. Do you like it raw ever? Sure. Sure. I have a raw. Yeah.

You don't care. You just want your broccoli, yeah. Yeah, and then now Brussels sprouts very trendy in restaurants. Oh yes, yeah. Yeah, roasted sprouts. And have we talked about this, but the majority of the nutritional content

is in the stem of broccoli? Okay, that rings a bell, but it's blown my mind again. If you've already told me that, that's crazy because you'd think that the darkest green would be. It's not true. It is the, yep, it's the stem there. So eat your broccoli stems. Eat your broccoli stems.

Yes, Marnenfrut. Is that what you were referencing is Marnenfrut? I think I wrote a hit song. Yeah, I think you did too. I've had people come up to me after shows and sing your song about Marnin' Fruit. Wow. And then speaking of hit songs, how's your music going?

Oh, thanks, good thanks. Yeah, I got two new songs coming out actually soon. Which would be like in June and it would be like a deluxe edition of the album that I already put out. I think this is like the way they do it to trick you into thinking the album sales have been better. They go, oh, we buy the album again with these two new songs. I shouldn't be saying this, but anyway, they're two more recent songs. Okay. So you did write them after. wasn't something you held on to and then later decided to release no I wrote them after yeah I'm loving writing music right now.

And is there anything that inspired these two new songs well they're kind of break up the songs but not necessarily about my break up just. breakup, just general. But then the other day I was writing. God, I hope they're not about my breakup. They're about your breakup. No, no. I was playing the piano the other day and I thought, God, I'm really playing a beautiful song. And then I realized it was the song Beautiful

by Christina Aguilera. And I was just stealing it. And you were literally playing a beautiful song. Pretty much, yeah, yeah. I was like, wow. It's called Beautiful. Oh, I know. And that song was written by.

Linda Perry. Yes, Tig. See, we are common ground today. Broccoli and Linda Perry. That's right. Linda Perry lives in my neighborhood. And I was shuffle. Yeah, yeah.

We shuffle. Maybe she moved because her, I think she had a breakup song in her life a few years ago. So maybe, yeah, when she and Sarah Gilbert split. I think Sarah stayed in the neighborhood and Linda, Linda hit the road. Maybe, I don't know, I'm making that up. My apologies, Linda and Sarah,

if anybody's listening or if anyone knows them. I will tell you an awkward thing that happened. Stephanie recently said, I saw this very beautiful home for sale online. And she said, after we drop Max and Finn, would you have any interest in driving past it? Not like we're looking to move or anything. And she said,

I think it's the most beautiful home I've ever seen. Whoa. I said, sure. We drop off our little cubs, we go find the house. It is eight in the morning and we pull into a cul-de-sac and who is pulling out of the driveway of the most beautiful home is Sarah Gilbert.

And I think she saw us, we saw her, and it was just this awkward feeling of like, good morning Sarah. You know, like we know her, but we don't know her well enough to where we've been to her home. Yeah, it was so I don't know if I can quite explain the awkwardness of that early in the morning being trapped on a on a cul-de-sac just with early morning lesbians not knowing quite why. Yeah, maybe she was like, Oh, maybe taken and Stephanie are interested in my home. But that all goes back to Linda Perry.

I feel like Sarah stayed in the neighborhood and Linda, now that I think about it, I probably haven't seen her in the past year. If I left my house at 8 a.m. and I saw you and Stephanie parked in the car across the street like vultures, I would be like, oh. Well, we weren't parked in the car across the street. We were just looping around the cul-de-sac.

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. That I would explain away. Tig, would you ever, like, do you ever get inspired to write poetry? Like, do you have a sort of notebook in your bag and you might write down ideas, but then also once in a while,

you'd write down a little couple lines of poetry? I used to write poetry when I was a kid, you know, when I was a teen in my early twenties and that whole time and boy I've come across, I've come across those poems and I don't think that's my strength. Right. Or I don't. I would love if you ghost wrote a song for me. Like you send me the lyrics. Well, what about morning fruit? I wrote, don't. I would love if you ghost wrote a song for me.

Like you send me the lyrics. Well, what about Mornin' Fruit? Would you release Mornin' Fruit? And do I have to do the accent? Of course. Yeah, would I release it? I think you could sell it to an ad company and make a billion bucks. That's like an ad for, I don't know, oranges or something. Okay.

Anyone listening that, uh, you need a jingle that goes a little like Martin and Fred Martin and Fred, don't forget to eat your Martin and Fred. Go on. That rendition was so good. I'm one of the best out there. One of the all-time greats. I'm not a poem writer. You say a line and then I'll do the rhyming couplet. Okay, I love a couplet.

A line of poetry. Okay. Sometimes I think of you. But then I remember the things you do. Ah, see? Yeah. And is that the end? Yep. That's like a haiku. It's a break up haiku. I'll be honest. That is the first line of a poem of mine from my childhood that I came across where I said, sometimes I think of you, but then again, I always do. Wait, that's beautiful. Why are you second guessing yourself? That's so much better than because there's something so nice about being like sometimes

and then the reveal is always. Always. You're always on my mind. something so nice about being like sometimes and then the reveal is always. Always, you're always on my mind, as Willie Nelson once said. Yeah, should we hear what our listeners wanna know? I think we should, just that will make this whole episode make sense. Hi, HandsomePod, my name is Kamala.

I am a middle school music teacher. And my question for you is I'd like you to think back to your middle school years, think like ages 11 to 14, and share one really positive thing that came out of those years. I know there's probably a lot of negative things that come to mind for obvious reasons. But speaking as someone who deals with middle schoolers all day every day, there is actually a lot of joy and positivity in those years as well. Bonus question, what is something you thought was really fashionable or like a funny hairstyle

that you now look back on and think, what was I thinking? Mm. Mm. Middle school teachers, that's doing the Lord's work. Truly though. Yeah. I mean, any teacher, whether it's like even a, you know, daycare, elementary, junior high, any teacher, whether it's like even a, you know, daycare,

elementary, junior high, high school, college, like swim instructors. When I sit, you know, my kids learn to swim at their school and I cannot, I mean, all the kids talking, laughing, you know, kind of floating away and not paying attention and the teachers that are so patiently wrangling everyone and keep, I'm just like, how do you do what you do? How? I know. I mean, think about how exhausted we are after we like do a show and have a meeting in a day. And these people are on their feet teaching hoards of children. Like,

it's unreal. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've hoisted the main sail and all other sails that need hoisting when embarking on a long sea voyage. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability. Allstate fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. And middle school shepherding people through puberty and oh my god, yeah wow. That

was a very visceral time for me. Yeah, those are the worst times of my life. Maybe me too. You know, if I can cheat a little bit here and just bump it up a year and get me into high school, I'll say that my vice principal saved my life. Really? Saved my life. Yeah. I think you mentioned this person who just kind of saw you and... Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. And I wrote about her. I was asked to write, what is it, Richard Pryor's book. His book was reissued and his family asked me to write a little something beforehand. And somewhere in there I talked about my vice principal because she, yeah, as you said, saw me, took an interest, didn't just, when I was in trouble or sent to the office, didn't just discipline me and then, you know, shrug me off.

Yeah, she could tell someone what's going on. Yeah, she just really took time and investigated what was going on with me. And it kind of made me realize like, wow, there was a lot going on here. And I haven't talked to her in a couple of years, but we've remained in contact here and there. That's so nice. I feel very, very lucky.

I'm thinking what's coming to my mind is Mrs. Silver, my music and drama teacher. And yeah, I was a wreck in middle school and kind of bullied, but I had one friend called Laura. I mean, I had lots of friends, but she and I would get like hysterical laughter fits in a way that I never have since, like where we thought we were

going to die. And there was one day where, first of all, she peed herself in the snow trying to maybe we'll bleep out her last name, but she was laughing so hard that she, and she sat down in the snow and I was like, we got to go, we got to get to class. We were crying, laughing about nothing, like about nonsense. Yeah, yeah, sure. And she was like, I can't. And then eventually stood up and there was a yellow patch in the snow. But anyway, that and then we to wash.

And you didn't eat that snow, did you? I did not. It's the people definitely getting the word out not to eat yellow snow. Yes, one million percent. Yeah, we went to music class and yeah, I was in a lot of trouble all the time. Never did my homework, always getting kicked out or suspended. So we were in music class and this hysteria took over

and we could not stop. And I always remember Mrs. Silver was like one of the only teachers who found us funny and was like reluctantly disciplining us, but was like found us kind of funny. On that particular day, she just went, May and Laura, just go in the hall and laugh until you're done laughing.

Like she wasn't mad, she was just like, if you guys need to just go get this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We just went and sat outside the classroom and laughed. And it was just so nice. Carla Silver, we were in touch a little bit, I think a couple emails, but if she's listening, she really was great encouraging me to do music and stuff too.

Carla? Carla. Oh, that's nice. Carla Silver. She was kind of a rebel in the school. It was an Anglican private school. I don't know, I could tell she was sort of misunderstood. She was a rebel. Yeah, sure. Man, we could tell she was sort of misunderstood. She was a rebel. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Man, we see you rebels.

We see you. And also, as far as fashion, I think this might have been before your time, but I really don't know. I'm not the one sitting here in a flannel telling anybody about fashion, but were you at the bottom of your jeans or pants, you fold it over and then roll your pants up?

Oh yeah, I mean, I still do that. Oh, you do, okay. Yeah. Okay, that was. You were rolling. That was very popular in the 80s to like do that, make it tighter and then flip it over. I guess my fashion thing was I had long hair

in middle school for the only time in my life and it was slicked back into a ponytail and then I had two pieces just hanging down framing my face and I would put gel in them and they were like crispy. Oh that's a good look. Should we hear Kamala's answer? Yeah we should definitely hear that. My thing that I took out of those years that was the best was like I made my first like real friends like friends that I was like these are my people finally like really connected and I think my personality comes from those friendships in middle school and bonus answer I had a beautiful sweet granola mom who just did not tell me that I needed to be wearing a bra so I was flopping around for way too long Looking forward to hearing your answers.

Well, she came to the right to host about flopping around. I didn't wear a bra till I should have been wearing one and I wore like a cross body bag so the strap would go between my pointy little boobs. They would just be, oh god, yeah. Where are your boobs these days? Probably near the dumpster that yours are in. Okay. Well, cause mine, you know, they hold on to for tumor reasons. So. No, they don't. Probably not my full on boobs, but like my tumors like are,

because I have to have these tests done every, you know, six months or so that can kind of tell the future if I'm gonna have a cancer recurrence based on the tumor, the old tumors. So my tits are actually not in a dumpster like we've joked. They're in a fridge somewhere. Yeah, they're definitely, they're in a tit fridge.

A tit fridge is pretty good. Yeah, do you know where yours go? I have no idea. I hope they burn them, I don't know. Or donated them to someone. They're still smoking. I liked what Kamala said about, like that's sort of the first time

that you really are choosing your friends because in elementary school, you're kind of like friends of the people in your class really are choosing your friends. Because in elementary school, you're kind of like friends of the people in your class. And you all have to go to every birthday party. And in middle school, you're like more discerning. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's gonna be interesting when my kids start. Because already in their school,

yeah, everybody was friends with everyone. And everyone's pretty much still friends with everyone. But they're starting to really lock in to know This is this is my vibe this person. Yeah, what do we got? What's next? Hi handsome. I am Nina from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil And my question is do you have any superstitions that you abide by rigorously? It's so where did it come from and who thought to them? We were just talking about Rio de Janeiro. That is crazy.

Yes, yes, yes. Talk about superstitious. I don't know if this is superstitious. I mean, maybe you can tell me, but Stephanie gives me such a hard time about this. But when she's always the last in bed, and when she gets in bed, I always ask her to crack the bathroom door a little bit and crack the bedroom door a little bit. Why? And there's a, it's not superstitious. I guess I'm answering it incorrectly. But-

No, it's like, that counts kind of, it makes you feel calm. I feel safe. Like I like, it also, I think it originated from not wanting light in when I'm sleeping and also so the cats can go in and out. So I like for the doors to be as closed as possible, but so Kitty City can make their rounds into the bathroom,

out of the bedroom and wherever they might need to go. But with the bedroom door, I like to have a book as a doorstop so the door doesn't open more, that it just stays cracked enough for a kitty to go in and out. And that way also, I would know if somebody had come into our room at night.

Right. Because yeah, if the door is open and the book has slided back, then somebody has come in that's bigger than a kitty. Okay, I like that. That counts. I think that's like a sort of habitual thing that you do to feel safe and like, yeah. What about like, are you walking under ladders and stuff or what? Or you don't care?

Yeah, I don't care about that stuff. I'll walk under a ladder. What about like, are you walking under ladders and stuff or what? Or you don't care? Yeah, I don't care about that stuff. I'll walk under a ladder. Yeah, I don't. You don't walk under a ladder? No, I'm like, I'm not going to risk it. I'm not toasting with water either. I'm not cheersing with water.

That's bad luck. Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. And I, wow, I didn't know. Why is that bad? I don't know, maybe because water is so lame and boring to.

Oh. No, I don't know. I don't know. I think it's like, I don't know. Yeah, but also if I see a penny, I'm picking it up, even though that's probably gross, but I have to do my 10 pushups before every show that counts. And I kind of say a prayer before every show.

Do you? Yeah. Yeah. Can we know the prayer? It's different every time, but it's like a pretty earnest moment. It's not to any particular deity, but it's just like a little calm moment. Uh huh. Yeah.

That's nice. Should we hear what Nina has to say? Yes, please. moment. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's nice. Should we hear what Nina has to say? Yes, please. Mine is that I cannot drink the water that is by my bedside. So if I wake up in the morning and there's still some water left from the evening before,

it has to go to my plants or to my cats because it absorbed all of my dreams or nightmares from that night. Honestly, I do not remember being taught that. I think I invented it. But it is a strict rule for me. No dream water ever. Okay. Bye.

I love listening to you guys. Come to Brazil someday. Oh, we have to go to Brazil and see Nina. I would love to. And also that there's more and more studies about water having a memory. Like when being able to be a kind of conduit. Like interesting.

Yeah, there's yeah, yeah, yeah. Like people who are freezing water and with a thought or an intention and then looking under a microscope and it's formed a picture of what they were thinking or talking about, I don't know, water's crazy. Where'd you hear about this? Well, you know, word on the street.

Oh, thanks, Nina. Yes, Nina. And listeners, don't forget to submit your questions. If you have one, don't be shy. Submit it to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. We love hearing from you. We love the handsome community and we wanna build it. So tell your friends and thanks for being such,

such a great crew, truly. True angels. Yes, real angels. And I don't know until next time, what do you say? We just, we should. Probably just keep it pretty. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro

and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that you remember to inflate your bike tires before hitting the

trails for an extreme mountain biking session. Or leisurely cycle through the wildflower fields, depending on your preference. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.