Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #41

Episode Date: May 30, 2025

Mae and Fortune discuss sitcom premises and answer an adorable question from a five year old who asks about getting in trouble at school, on another Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the HandsomePod. It's your buddy, Fortune Feimstone here. And your bud, May Martin. And we're having the best day ever because we're together. And that's all we need to make it through this life. And we're gonna skip and jump and run over the rainbows. Run through the meadows like you're my wife.

Like you're my wife. That's it. There's not many meadows in LA. Like isn't that kind of a British thing, a meadow? Like, you're my wife. That's it. There's not many meadows in LA. Isn't that kind of a British thing, a meadow? Yeah, there's a lot of meadows over there. Across the pond. Yeah, across the pond is such an annoying phrase when you think about it.

Is that right? Across the pond. Just a hop and a skip over to London town. Do you ever hear from any British folks, do they listen to the handsome pod? Yeah, well, when I went on tour there with the music, there were tons of handsome t-shirts in the crowd. Really? Yeah, really, really. And of course, Debbie came to the show. That's right.

But she doesn't listen to the pod, which I think is probably for the best. That's for the best. Oh, man. Do you think there's anyone in Japan who listens to the pod? You know what? This is a nice time for us to find out. If you live in Japan and you listen to the pod, let us know. Yeah, please let us know because I'll go there. Yeah, I would love to go to Japan. I'm desperate to actually because you know why, Fortune? Why? I feel like this might intrigue you. You know, um, you know,

cheese slices like craft singles. I do know of these. Yes. Yes. So in, in Japan, apparently they have chocolate slices that are wrapped like cheese slices and they're like kind of bendy like that. And they're like craft singles, but chocolate, every person I've heard who's been to Japan says the food's amazing. And then even going into like their 7-Eleven,

whatever that is, is like the food's so good and fresh. And it makes me so curious to go. I know, and everyone says that the people are great and you got like the crazy city and then there's these beautiful mountains and like- And the, is it the cherry trees? Oh, cherry blossoms. Cherry blossoms, yeah.

Yeah. Pictures of that, it's so beautiful. Is it bad that I kind of judge people when they're like- I just wanna see the cherry blossoms. One time in Japan, one day I'm like, okay, what about other things though? That's it, just see those trees. I love trees in a weird way because when I was growing up, my grandmother was kind of my chauffeur when I was in elementary school in junior high.

And her big thing was trees. And so we would be driving and she would always like point out different trees and like tell me what kind of trees they were. And when she, my friends would be in the car, like she'd take us to practice and she'd be like, there's a cherry, the cherry trees or here's a pear tree or all these different things. And, and so now I always noticed trees because of her. That's so nice. I really like that.

You'll have that your whole life. Yeah. Because if you forget to notice them, but once you start noticing them, you're like, oh, they're everywhere and they're so beautiful. My first house I bought, I bought because they had these two giant, beautiful trees

and it reminded me of my grandmother. That's really nice. And it ended up being like my, that will forever be my like home in my heart. Oh, that first home that you bought? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I just saw a thing on Instagram. I guess I follow a lot of witches and who do spells. And I saw a thing on Instagram that was like, if someone's wronged you, just tell the trees and they will get revenge through their net. It was like whisper the name to a tree and then tell them injustice has been done.

And then the tree will through the network. Yes, and it was like just too late. The tree's network. Yeah. Never heard that, but I guess I don't, I don't think I follow any witches on Instagram. So maybe that's part of it. Yeah. You follow a bunch of witches

just because you are intrigued by that world. Yeah. And I've really, I'm looking for shortcuts and I should be going to therapy twice a week. What are the shortcuts though? Oh, spells. If they could just make a spell, I'll get over this heartbreak or whatever it is. Oh yeah, like let me do the work.

Yes, exactly. For instance, I have four candles, yellow, white, black, and red. And then I follow this one witch who will be like, oh, this is a spell for like stepping into your power. And it's like, light the red candle and say these words and write it down and fold the paper. I know it's probably nothing, but there's also some power in like vocalizing out loud. Like I think words are powerful. And yeah, so I'm doing some spells sometimes not like love spells on people, but more like self help spells. But I got to go to therapy. Healing yourself spells. Yeah, because we're powerful.

I know we're powerful, but also guess what's powerful? Your mind. Yes. They say mind over matter. Well, I think I can. You can train your brain to do some powerful things, right? Oh, totally. Yeah, we shape our realities.

Maybe I told you this already or said it on the pod, but sometimes I'll scroll past something and I just accept everything as potentially true. And there was this picture of a horse and it was like this beautiful closeup of the horse's eye. And it was like, every time you look in a horse's eye, you're looking into a mirror of the parts of you that need love the most. and it was like every time you look in a horse's eye you're looking into a mirror of the parts of you that need love the most and I was like huh yeah and then I scrolled

and I was like wait a second no what you're just looking at a horse like what do you mean? Oh I do love that you're just like yeah that's gotta be right. Yeah gotta be true, said it on the picture. I don't think I've looked a lot of horses in the eye, truth be told. That's me neither. I said it again. God, Tig pointed that out and now. Oh, truth be told. Yeah. I really didn't realize I said that as much as I do.

I never noticed till she said it either. Yeah, but Tig's too observant. Very observant and it'll come out right at the right moment. I was scrolling through my TikTok the other day and someone had posted Tig's Taylor Dane story from This American Life. Oh, it's so good. And I just sat and watched. It was like a four-part TikTok.

I watched the whole thing. Well, I just watched and shared the video of you and you and Ginger on stage talking about Gay Awakenings. Oh yeah. Oh you did? I don't think I was. Oh my god, it's so funny. Like her comic timing.

She's very funny. She gets the assignment and she's like. And she loves the stage, loves attention. Yeah. She was cracking me up. Her friend that wouldn't go to Brokeback Mountain with her because her hair was too short. Her friend would not, back in the day, she told this story where she wanted to go see

Brokeback Mountain and her friend wouldn't go because people would think they were gay. Because her hair was too short. Because her hair was too short. I love that. I was like, that is the wildest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. Should we hear, yeah, let's dive into some questions.

Yeah, let's get to some questions. Hello handsome pod, my name is Zerdan and I am five years old. Oh my God. And my question for you is, have you ever gotten in trouble at school before? Oh my God, that is so cute. That is the best.

That's our first question from a five-year-old for sure. That was, that made my day. Yeah, me too. Me too. Just that little five-year-old voice. Hi handsome, I have a question. Oh my God. That's my five-year-old voice. What a, I have a question. Oh my god. That's my five year old voice. What a little dream

boat. I'm scared that I can't share the things that I got in trouble for. Like I want it to be... You probably got in trouble quite a bit, right? Oh my god. Let's just go with that first. But I was never rude or loud or like I just was... I wouldn't show up or I wouldn't do my homework. I had a crush on my grade six teacher, Miss Garou. Obviously. I've been trying to find her ever since, Melanie Garou. Never found her. Anyway, she was an incredible teacher and I had not done my homework nine times in a row. She said that every time I didn't do the homework,

I'd have to meet her after class to do the homework, like at lunch or whatever. Oh, you did it on purpose. Well, then I was like, okay. And then because I love taking it out with her. You're like, now we're talking some one-on-one time. Exactly. And she would sometimes bring like a chocolate bar or something if I did good. Like it was great. So yeah, not doing homework was big and then getting into shame spirals and a web of lies of being like, at one time I gaslit, I was like, I did hand it in. I said, I put it in your hand. And the woman was like, no, you didn't. And I was like, I was like, I don't know what's going on here. You have it in for me.

How old are you? 13. Wow. I was like, I literally put it in your hand. She was like, what are you talking about? I think I stuck with it to the point that she was like, wait, when? In the hall, I guess, maybe you could have. You put that teacher in therapy.

That's fucked up. Cause that was before people really understood what gaslighting was. I know, I know. She was like, I this kid just I know that this did not happen the way they're saying. Yeah. So what about you? You didn't. I was so good. I was such a rule follower.

I have been a rule follower my whole life. Should we meet up and break a rule? What's life. An overachiever. What's that? We should meet up and just break some rules. Even if that's little things, jaywalk. I don't even know if I can. I don't know if I have it in me. I mean, I did get in trouble at times.

I would say if I ever got like a fussed at, it would have been for talking too much. Yeah. Or like trying to crack jokes. I think I did give a kid the middle finger when I was in first grade. Whoa, in first grade? Oh my God, picture you.

Cause I had two older brothers, so I would just like see things they did and not really realize what I was doing. You at six flipping the bird to some other kid is so good. What do you think they did to piss you off? I don't know, but that was wild. When I was in high school, I used to flip my brothers off and be like, mom, Price gave me the bird,

and she'd be like, Price, and I'd be like, ha ha ha. No way, and then you'd do it back with your momma's name? Yeah, and I would be behind her flipping them off some more. Oh my God, oh my God. They did like cheeky stuff like that. But at school I was very dialed in. Straight A's for a long time. You were there to learn. Some B's every now and then.

Perfect attendance. I had perfect attendance from seventh grade through to college. Oh my god. And in college I only missed two, I only missed two classes for like no reason and then I had to miss some classes for tennis. Oh my god. I was such a good kid, student, all the things. Holy. Perfect attendance is really hard to do. I was like. I remember being in elementary school and that school went all the way up to grade 13 or whatever. And I knew that in grade seven, you were allowed to leave the premises for lunch within a two-block radius and then come back and you'd get your five bucks from your parents. And I was like, as soon as I am allowed to do that, like you better believe them. I'm skipping class, I'm going further afield.

I'm going to get on the subway and go downtown. I probably could have gotten in trouble at times in high school. Like I've talked about this before when I did the morning announcements. Oh my God, the morning announcements. The morning at Huyall, we're going to go to Mr. Smith's class at three o'clock. Make sure you have your chess boards if you wanna go join the chess club. But we would leave all the time

to go to different restaurants around town to like grab breakfast. And like, by all accounts, we should have gotten in trouble, but because I was such a good student and I was very charming and all the teachers really loved me because I really loved them. Yeah. Everyone was just like, ah, she's great.

What are we going to say? See, that's the way to hack the system. And that's what I never understood and should have. I was in tight with all the teachers. Yeah, I should have done well enough. I would talk to them like we were all old friends. Oh, I thought I fully thought my teachers were my equals and friends. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

Like you know to check if your favorite teacher from when you were growing up still remembers you. Write your old teachers a letter and from when you were growing up still remembers you. Write your old teacher a letter and let them know how much they meant to you. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. My senior year I was like, Hey bud, what's up?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I had, again, my oldest brother was almost seven years older than me. So I was used to talking with older people. So I would just chat with my teachers when I was in high school.

Like we were friends, like college friends. You got to. But I also, my senior year, we had like all these teachers that were like 22 and 23. So they were fun. I was like I want to be friends with these teachers. Wait, I just realized that we get to hear the answer of this sweet little... Okay, Zerdan. And I accidentally ripped a Pete the Cat book. Okay, listen, the key word there is accidentally. You should not get in trouble if it's an accident. And don't-

That's too many of your easy excuses ready. No, seriously. Don't hold on to that. What was it? Cat book? Text book? What was this? Pete the Cat book.

Pete the Cat book? I don't know what that is, but I'm going to be looking into it. Maybe the Pete the Cat Book was accidentally ripped. That's what it sounds like, but I don't think that you should have gotten trouble. And I think that if anything, your enthusiasm for the book probably ripped it. And it's great to be enthusiastic about books. It sure is. Sometimes books get ripped.

Yeah. If I was your teacher, I'd go, huh, there's a learning moment here. Glad you're reading. I'd say sometimes we love things so much that we hurt them by accident. Should we hear another question? Yeah. Hi, this is Lee from Black Mountain, North Carolina. My question is, if there was a sitcom about you, what would the title and the premise be?

Oh my god. Fellow North Carolinian, shout out. I was just in North Carolina visiting my folks. Oh yeah? Yeah, that was nice. My parents have been divorced 30 years and I'll never not enjoy having, I had breakfast with the two of them and it is a treat. Oh man, that is nice. Yeah.

Um, a sitcom based on your life. I know you're like, I've done it. It would be called feel good and it'd be a comedy drama for sure. You came up on my Tik Tok too. I did. Yeah. Feel good. Clips of feel good.

Oh, nice. Your hair was so blonde. It was so blonde and also my jeans were so skinny and my eyebrows were quite thin. I didn't notice that about your eyebrows. I watched that whole series. Was that Pandemic Times? It was. Yeah, thanks, man. Yeah, it was great. What would yours be? Would it be a pun, Fortune? Sick? I like that she said sitcom. It's like, it's very like. Mine's already been done.

It's called the Golden Girls. Yeah. That would be my dream though, when I'm like 80 or I don't know how old they were, but seven, let's say 70. Yeah. At that point, you're just like in caftans with your friends eating cheesecake. That's not a bad life. It's not bad.

Yeah, I'd watch that sitcom. Yeah. So maybe it would be a pun. It would be like Wheel of Fortune or something. Or something. Are you picking up Biggie right now or just touching him? This is Biggie. Yeah, he's being squirrely right now.

Oh, I saw it. He'd be in the show for sure. And you guys would have a theme song. I'll get you some more. He's huffing and puffing in the mic. Say hi to everybody. Can we hear him in the mic? Can we see if we hear that?

You can hear his licking his lips. I can hear him panting. I'll get you some water, baby bear. Oh my God. No, is it a sick, are we saying a sitcom that's already been done? Or what would the sitcom be? What would it be like mine might be like?

Making it right, but it's spelled ma e and the theme songs like making it right making it wrong Sometimes you gotta just get along and it's me like walking down the street Yeah, what would yours be? Yeah fortune would definitely have to be in the title. Yeah. Like my special Good Fortune or something like that. I think Good Fortune, you're not going to get a better name than that. That's a great name. And something about like my, you know, trying to be a good, but like she's always quirky and just a hair off.

Yeah. You know, like, kind of like everybody loves Raymond, but in that vein of like. Yeah, and your parents would be at characters in it. Yeah. You'd have a wacky neighbor. It'd be based on my life. They're divorced, but friends.

And they're really involved in my life too much. And my mom's always like trying to give me advice and it's terrible advice. and I'm like, mom. Your mom would get a round of applause from the studio audience every time she walked in. Yeah, she'd be a big character in this series. I actually sold a sitcom based on my life. Did you?

Loosely. Yeah. And we filmed it for ABC back in the day. It was called Family Fortune. A pilot? Yeah, it was a pilot for ABC back in the day. It was called Family Fortune. A pilot? Yeah, it was a pilot. Tina Fey was a producer. What?

With Robert Carlock, who they did 30 Rock, you know, together. And it was really great. It was a great pilot. I co-wrote it with Matt Hubbard, also 30 Rock writer, and also created Loot on Apple with that Maya Rudolph show, right? It's called Loot. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, this was 2015 and I played a, I played a teacher, a PE teacher who in the

pilot episode comes out to her Southern parents as gay. Annie Potts played my mom. Oh my God. From Designing Women. I know you and Tig were not Designing Women folks. This amazing actor, John Carol Inge played my dad. It was such a fun, I mean, I'm biased, but I thought it was such a fun show. Where can I watch this? Do you have it still? No one will never see the light of day.

We filmed it. It was great, but they did not pick it up. Can we have a secret screening of it? I probably have a DVD of it somewhere. I'll have to find it. DVD. But, you know, a sitcom. So there's like funny. I love a sitcom. They're funny jokes, but it's also got that like want want kind of feeling too.

But just Annie Potts playing my mom was like unbelievable. Her name was Ginger and everything. No way. One thing I love is the comeback with Lisa Kudrow because I just love the way they parody sitcoms and like she is an ex sitcom star who gets a part on another sitcom they do all that thing of the studio audience laughing. I'm developing stuff all the time but I've been thinking about taking another swing at a life story you know loosely based it's not it's so it's very made up as well.

Yeah. But it would be more in the vein of like a dramedy now. Yeah, I think that's I think there's an appetite for that now. People want a sprinkling of trauma in there. Well, I think they I think they more want things to feel real. Yeah, people are craving like authenticity. Yeah. Exactly. Should we hear Lee's answer? Yeah. The answer to my question is, the title to my sitcom would be Say What? And the premise would be every episode,

I have some weird, awkward, or inappropriate exchange with a family member or a friend. Say what? Say what? I love it. Do you remember, is it Best in Show or one of those movies where Fred Willard has a catchphrase that's, what happened?

What happened? Oh yeah, it was one of those Christopher Guest movies. Yeah. What happened? Yeah, what happened? A mighty win maybe? Yeah, maybe it was a mighty win, yeah, yeah. Amazing.

God, Best in Show is so good. All those movies hold up so well. I gotta go back and watch that movie again. It's so genius, and Waiting for Guffman is really, yeah, well I was just watching The Last of Us last night and Catherine O'Hara is amazing in it. Oh yeah. Yeah.

And Bella, who was asked the question of the handsome pod. Yes, oh yeah, Bella asked about Early days. Biting tin foil or something. It was like, would you rather bite tin foil or? Yeah. All right, well this has been a true joy. Yes it has May.

If you wanna ask us any questions, you never know which pair of us you'll get. That's the fun of it, but we'd love to hear from you. You can go to speakpipe.com slash handsome, ask any question you want. You could also ask for advice. Pretty good at that too. And yeah, we just love hearing from you guys and love what this brings up for us because we never know what's going to be asked. It's a little jaunt down memory lane sometimes.

And then other times I go, I never thought about that. Hmm, interesting. I mean, now I'm gonna be Googling Pete the cat. Yeah, Pete the cat. But yeah, spread the word, send your questions. And until then. Keep it.

Keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! That was a hate gun podcast.

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