Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #43

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

Fortune and Tig talk about the least-true compliments they've received, and anoint each other with pro wrestling nicknames on a fabulous and high-flying Pretty Little Episode that will have y...ou down for the count!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that your favorite friend actually likes celebrating their birthday before throwing a big surprise party for them. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
Starting point is 00:00:33 Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod's pretty little episode. I'm Fortune. You sure are. And you know what? I'm Tig Notaro.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Yes, you are my friend. Yes, my friend. Those are our names. Friends, my friends. My friends, these are our names. My friends. Good to see you. Good to see you.
Starting point is 00:01:05 I'm chilling here and I just got back from visiting North Carolina. I went to my first NASCAR race. Uh-uh. How do you end up at a NASCAR race? That does sound fun. I mean, I was curious. I'd never gone and Bert Kreischer was, his wife was on a,
Starting point is 00:01:27 sat on a plane beside me on the way home to visit. And she was like, they were doing a thing in Charlotte and my family was gonna be gone at that point. And I was like, why not? Let me just check that out. That's awesome. And so would you go again and what is it like and tell us about the clientele? I love people watching.
Starting point is 00:01:51 That was pretty exciting. Sure. Yeah. It's like a big festival kind of outside before it starts. I would go again, but I only stayed for like the first hundred laps. It's 400 laps. That's a lot of laps. That's a lot of laps. It's a lot of laps.
Starting point is 00:02:08 Fortune, I'm with you. That's a lot of laps. And I'm not invested enough to stay the whole time, but I got to go down on the track and that was pretty cool for it being having never gone. And so I met a couple of drivers. They like hang out like on the track before the race and like shake people's hands and stuff, like a parade.
Starting point is 00:02:32 I thought you were going to say have beers and stuff. That would be on brand, but I didn't know that happened. And so we're just, we're down there. Chatting with the guys and you're like where they come into pit for the pit stops or whatever. Yeah. And then when the race is about to start, they're like, get out of here. It's time.
Starting point is 00:02:53 But then I, but then I got to watch in the like area right behind the pit people. So I'm like on the track watching these freaking cars go a gazillion miles an hour. track watching these freaking cars go a gazillion miles an hour. Now this happens at the same time that the Indy 500 happens, I guess, because the Indy 500 was on the other day and I was watching that. Yeah. Yeah. Do those guys, I don't know enough about that. Did they compete in both of things?
Starting point is 00:03:21 Do you, do you, you, you spoke about it. Like you have some knowledge. in both of things? You spoke about it, like you have some knowledge. I have never seen the Indy 500 on my TV as an adult or a child. I was surprised that it was on our TV when I walked into the room. And I thought, I don't know what I thought it was. Indy 500, I don't know what I thought it was, Indy 500, I don't know, is it that they go around 500 times?
Starting point is 00:03:51 Oh, I don't know, really? You mean more than 400? That's a lot. It's a lot. It's so much zooming around. And it is very loud. You cannot watch it without earplugs. I mean, I guess you could, but you shouldn't.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Yeah, don't do that, guys. One of the drivers we met, his name was Bush, so I was a fan. Fortune Marie. I was immediately on board. Bush with a CH. That's the fancy spelling of it. But yeah, it was an adventure.
Starting point is 00:04:30 So, you know, I'm open to doing just whatever. Let's just have fun. I know you are, girl. I know you are. My window is closing in life where I'm open to whatever. Okay. You know, I feel like I'm, I'm a little too into my getting bed by nine, have my routine and you were open for a while.
Starting point is 00:04:53 I was very open. That's what I thought. Yeah. And I did a lot of things. That's what I thought. A lot of places. And I always tell Stephanie if there is some terrible tragedy or we lose me a little early. I don't want to. I don't want to go. You know, we don't want that either. No. But
Starting point is 00:05:13 I have done everything I've ever wanted to do plus more. And no one feels sad. I mean, and that's kind of a good place to be where it's like, you know, it's, I got Stephanie and my little cubs and I got handsome and what else do I need, you know? I still wanna, there's still some things I need to do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. There's things that I'm happy to do and I'd like to do,
Starting point is 00:05:43 but if they don't happen, no one should feel sorry for me. You know? Yeah. You've lived it up. I'm glad to hear that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:52 I'm glad to say it. And I've cheated death many times. So I'm really, this is all just bonus, bonus, bonus. You're living the cherry on top right now. I really am. I just want to be happy, safe, healthy. Yeah. All those things.
Starting point is 00:06:08 And, um, and I look back on my life going, man, I'm glad I did that. And, Ooh, that was a bit of a risk. Yeah. Um, so I think when you cheat death a couple of times, you appreciate everything a bit more, don't you think? Yeah. It's cute that you think it was only a couple. Thomas has sat with me at my bedside. Oh my gosh. But yeah it's been, whatever, it's a good feeling.
Starting point is 00:06:42 It's a good feeling to know I've taken risks, I've traveled all over, I've done all of those things. And yes, there are so many things that I could still do or I think sounds fun. And that you will do. And that I will do, or I might not. But I don't have that feeling of, oh, I haven't, I gotta, I want, you know.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I think the main thing is I just wanna, I wanna see Max and Finn grow up. That's really what I want in life. I love that. Yeah, so that's what I'm trying to take care of myself so I can see who grows a mustache and who doesn't. Mm-hmm. You know?
Starting point is 00:07:22 So, it might be me. It might be all of us. We already know what you look like with one. Very handsome. Yeah. Well, thank you. I was waiting for you to say that. I don't think I've seen you with a mustache.
Starting point is 00:07:36 You haven't done the fake mustache thing, have you? No, I felt like it would turn you guys on too much. Hmm. That's interesting. But I will. don't you worry. You're gonna sneak up and you know I love one of those like handlebar. Yeah, but I'm always confused. I thought handlebar was like where you like twist little ends.
Starting point is 00:07:57 That's um, is that, what is that? The oh I see what I know what you mean. You have to talk like this and oh. I don't know. I thought what you mean, but... You have to talk like this and oh. I don't know. I thought handle bar was this, but maybe not. No, I think it is, cause any time I go, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, the mustache hair? For sure. And what is the voice you would put to thinking twisting? Oh, I'm gonna solve this crime.
Starting point is 00:08:27 It's a little bit of May's goofy voice. Not in life, but you know, May does the nerdy voice. Sure. Oh my God, I'm doing the thing. I feel like Thomas is Googling mustache names. That's what he's doing, because he is told not. Do you want some mustache information? Any more stupid questions?
Starting point is 00:08:46 We must ask you a question about mustaches. Yes. Those are both handled by our mustache styles. The curly one is called an imperial mustache. And it seems like this one that goes down might be called a walrus. Oh, that makes coo coo coo chew. Or a horseshoe. What is your kind of mustache called?
Starting point is 00:09:10 A T-dog. A chevron. A chevron. Did you know that about your mustache, Thomas? No, I'm just looking at a diagram of mustache, mustaches. And do they have any menopause mustaches? I'm not seeing that on here. Those are patchier.
Starting point is 00:09:29 What kind of mustache would you have, Fortune? I would do like a thinner long one. Wait, like a, what's his name, Waters? Not that thin, but not a big thick one. What is his name, Waters? Not that thin, but not a big thick one. What is his name, Waters? John Waters. John Waters, not that? No, that's too thin.
Starting point is 00:09:52 Okay. Somewhere in between the chevron and the waters. Uh-huh. What is the water's stash called? A pencil thin? Yeah, pencil. OK. Hmm. How is it?
Starting point is 00:10:08 Learned something new. How is it that we have referenced Jimmy Buffett even once and then twice and then three times? I mean, did I tell you my old assistant hosts a Jimmy Buffett radio show? Thomas told me that. Yeah. On Jimmy Buffett radio show. Oh yeah, I think Thomas told me that. Yeah, on Jimmy Buffett's channel.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Yeah, that's funny. Look at me name dropping. Should we get into our questions? Let's do it, boo boo. Let's do it. Hi, handsoms. This is Casey from North Carolina, and my question is inspired by Fortune as Dougie on the TV
Starting point is 00:10:47 show Life and Pieces. And I'm wondering if you were a wrestler, what would your wrestler name be? That's so funny. So there was this show on CBS called Life and Pieces, really great show with like Diane Weist and James Brolin. And I had a recurring character on there who was an insane person. And I was a former wrestler. And my character's wrestling name was Tacklebox, which is actually a pretty great wrestling name. That's really good. So in the episode they had me in a yellow wrestling outfit and I drove up on a yellow moped and it was wild.
Starting point is 00:11:32 What would your wrestling name be? I think mine would be what my brother used to call me as a kid. Or actually my mother called me this tough TIG. I thought you were about to say tough tits but tough TIG makes more sense. Yeah my tits weren't as tough. They really let you down. Yeah not only did they get sickly but they got cut off like there was no fighting back. No they out of there yeah my mother called me tough tig yeah you know because i was a little rough and tumble scrappy um uh huckleberry tig and um and then my brother everybody called me that so it seems like tough tig might That's a good one. Yeah, TT. Yeah, Tough TIG. You wouldn't want to wrestle Tough TIG.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Tough TIG! Oh my gosh. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've got a highlighter and some sticky notes handy when you reread your favorite book. It's always fun to mark up a book so you can go back and see what you wrote later.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Checking First is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Look at what Tredding's doing. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:13:11 If you're on YouTube right now. If you're not, head on over there. That's really good, Fortune. Thank you. When is the last time you had muscle definition to that scary degree? I don't know if I've ever had any muscle definition to that scary degree? I don't know if I've ever had any muscle definition, but yeah, just for those audio listeners,
Starting point is 00:13:31 I just showed Tig your muscle in my arm. Are you enjoying having that? I love it, great. I'm trying not to be so out of shape. You are looking sharp, always look sharp, but I mean, these guns that you are flashing every other episode are, oh, now you are a pretty little lady, aren't you?
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yes, you are. I like to be hands-off and a pretty little lady. Me too. I like to swing back and forth. I haven't seen pretty little lady in any photos in a while. Of me? No, that's where it came from. Is that, I don't know if you remember this,
Starting point is 00:14:11 but when I would look at pictures, every now and then there's a picture taken of me. It's usually when I have makeup on. That's right. Where Pretty Little Lady appears. That's right. I said that to Stephanie once. I said, I feel like I look like a pretty little lady.
Starting point is 00:14:27 And we had a cat. Or you have like little lipstick and stuff popping. Yeah, something when I'm filming something or I'm rarely in makeup. If that's surprising to hear. Well, hopefully pretty little lady TIG will pop out soon. Don't you like me how I am? I do.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Thanks. If I had to come up with a, might not have to involve the name Fortune. It would have to be like the Fortune Cookie or something like that, you know? What about tough Fortune? Tough Fortune, formidable Fortune. Freaky Fortune.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Yeah. Miss Fortune, that would be good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. M-I-Z, just like there that would be good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. M-I-Z, just like there's another wrestler with an M-I-Z. Miss Fortune. Mm-hmm. I like it. Okay. Well, our wrestling careers are right.
Starting point is 00:15:15 Let's hear what Casey's answer is. My answer is I think I would use the name The Puzzler because we use a puzzle piece as the symbol for autism awareness. And I feel that as someone on the spectrum, my true gift may not be physical, but maybe more in the realm of just confusing people and making them feel puzzled. So that is my wrestler name and I can't wait to hear all of yours. Love the podcast. Thanks for doing it. Bye.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Nice. Yes, the puzzler. I can. Bye. Nice. Yes the puzzler I can't believe we heard directly from the puzzler a star in the making yeah. Yeah the puzzler versus Tough Tig the puzzler versus misfortune What do you do you think you could beat the puzzler? I don't know. The puzzler sounds like they're using their brain, not just their physical fitness. So I could be outsmarted by the puzzler.
Starting point is 00:16:16 On to our next one. Yeah, let's do it. Hey, Fortune, May and Tig. It's Abbe in New Hampshire. My question for you is, what's a compliment that you receive that is not true at all? That's not true at all. I didn't see that twist coming. What is not true? I feel like, and I've talked about this, I know, before, but every now and then I get called nice. And I do think I'm nice, but I don't feel like I lead with it.
Starting point is 00:16:54 I don't know if this is the right answer, because I do think I'm a nice person. I'm just not like bubbly. Like sugary. Yeah. I'm not that kind of nice. like bubbly. Like sugary? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not that kind of nice. I'm other.
Starting point is 00:17:08 You have a big heart though. I do, I do. And you'll show up for people when they need you. But you're not like, hello, dear. No, no. That kind of thing. No, and I always say people aren't gonna describe me as like, oh my God, Tig is so nice.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Yeah. But I am. Yeah. And I got called nice at a friend's house a few nights ago. And I was like, is that true? Am I nice? And they're like, well, I mean, you are, but and then we got into that about everybody like, are you nice?
Starting point is 00:17:46 Is it good to be nice? Is it right? I don't know. What is your feeling about nice? I totally understand exactly what you're saying about what? About the difference of like some what a person that's just like, is that kind of like, never met a stranger very open, like, oh honey, that's like, you know, they're just so sugary sweet.
Starting point is 00:18:18 And then, but you lead in a different way. You're like, hey, what's up? Yeah, that's not the only version of nice. Yeah, exactly. There's so many different versions of nice. I see what you mean. I'm trying to think of a compliment. I mean, usually if someone's saying a compliment,
Starting point is 00:18:36 I just take it to be sincere and I just go, thank you. It is an interesting question. I mean, our listeners do send in very interesting questions. Cause here's the thing, I think that if someone were to say something like that to me, instead of me thinking that- Wait, to say what? If they were to compliment me on something. And instead of, I don't think my brain would go,
Starting point is 00:19:06 that's not true. I think I would think, maybe they see something I hadn't thought of, or maybe they see something and don't see in myself, and like, oh, that's cool. But I don't know that I'm going, that's false. Does that make sense? Yes, which brings me to the thought of when you have a not great show,
Starting point is 00:19:33 and I know that's happened for me, where afterwards people are like, that was so funny. And I know that's not true. I know the show did not go well. I'm sure I have like every woman in the world, I have some like, if someone tells me I'm pretty, I'm just going like, ah. Like I don't, that just doesn't really resonate with me.
Starting point is 00:19:58 I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm not like, yeah. Well, you know you're an attractive person. I think, but it's encompassing many different things than just like a physical thing. Well, I mean that for the, I would say most people that, I mean, there are some people where it's solely physical, but then it makes them not attractive because it's only physical. Yeah. I guess that probably doesn't resonate with me as much maybe than like someone telling me I'm funny.
Starting point is 00:20:27 I'd be like, oh, thanks. Yeah. So it's hard to take pretty little lady. Pretty little lady I can somehow take because it's silly. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that's weird. Does Abhi have an answer? I bet so.
Starting point is 00:20:41 For me, I have been told that I'm unflappable, calm in a crisis, which is great that that's what I'm projecting, but 100% not true. I'm freaking out. All right, well, talk to you later. That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah, like someone put out that air of having it together in a crisis, but you're
Starting point is 00:21:08 like, no, no, I'm the one running for cover. Struggling. Yeah. How are you, are you, you feel unflappable? I joke that I'm like not butch because I'm not like, you know. Same z's. Typical in that way, but I would think in a real jam, I would step up.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And figure out the crisis. Same, unless there's blood. Oh yeah? Yeah, I'll be unconscious. Yeah. Yeah, I'll faint. I'm done. I don't get squeamish about that.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Stephanie has to step up in those moments. I'm like, oh God, oh God, I have to lie down. Oh God. I think too, like you don't really know how you'd be in a situation. You know, if in a real mess, this is like, I had a show at a comedy club years ago and I was in the green room and people started flooding down the hall and I was like, and they looked, I've never seen the look of fear on people's
Starting point is 00:22:18 faces the way I saw when they came around the corner and there was, they, uh, they, they thought an active shooter. Oh God. And, um, you know, you hear about this awful stuff and you don't know how, how it will be. And they were coming to basically like a dead end. And I'm like, you have to like go this way through the kitchen, like, don't, you know, don't get in a dead end. And it was like, eerily quiet. Everyone had like scattered and hidden. And I just remember like, just kind of like walking around the corner trying to look and like, I was kind of surprised that I wasn't running away.
Starting point is 00:23:06 I was just like trying to find where the trouble was. And I'm like, it ended up being like a knife thing in a movie theater and someone yelled gun. So it ended up God being a non-thing. But the way it scared people was so jarring and I'll never forget the look on people's faces. But I don't know if there was real trouble, you know, you should run for sure. But I was like, what am I doing? Yeah. Going towards whatever might be there. I'm not going to know how to fix something around the house, but if you're in a pickle, I got you boo mm-hmm yeah me
Starting point is 00:23:46 too unless there's blood unless there's blood and you're passing out I am NOT available my friends submit your questions to speakpipe.com slash handsome pot mm-hmm and yeah share this show with your loved ones really though if you like an episode Help us build this handsome pretty little lady and lady Community. That's right. You got anything to promote? Food Wars out on Netflix check that out and if you want to come to Vegas, I'm there tomorrow night Or yeah tomorrow night at the plaza. So come on out there in Lexington and Knoxville, Tennessee. I got a lot of fun shows.
Starting point is 00:24:29 June 21st, I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. August 17th, West Ampton Beach, New York. And August 23rd, P-Town, Massachusetts. So come on out, Tignotaro.com. And until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! follow us on social media at HandsomePod. Like you know to check that you have your Sunday night free when the final episode of your favorite TV show is airing so you're not spending all of Monday dodging spoilers. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

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