Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #49

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

Mae and Fortune answer a question from an entire family, plus a pretty little Pontius Pilate update for the ages! Do you fly in *your* dreams?Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. This is a pretty little episode with me and Fortune Feimster. That's right. And May and I are doing this episode in person.

It's really nice. We've never done a pretty little episode in person. It's great to be on this comfy couch with you. You're looking very, very May Martin, very like all black. Oh yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to be cool like you. I've just been using my DePuffer and you know.

Yeah, I used my DePuffer today. You did? Yeah, hopefully that helped. It really does help I think. And I saw the pictures you had talked about in an episode wearing a tank on stage. Saw the pics, look good bud. Thank you, it's the new me. It's the summer me

I can't believe you haven't done it before it's you seem like a tank top wearing performer. Thanks Oh, I it doesn't for comedy. It seems weirdly like to expose. Yeah into like you can't be I don't know It's not too confident for comedy, but you know for music people, I feel like people want a bit of like swagger. And I saw a video, you look cool up there playing your guitar, singing. I wish, I mean I wish I had a show where we were in the same city and you could come on and we could do a duet. I know you were talking about us maybe doing something and I think Tig was out of town and I didn't know my schedule. We'll figure it out. To get us the handsome band a surprise. The handsome band. I mean we could do ironic. We'll figure it out to get us the handsome Ben a surprise the handsome by

Yeah, I mean we could do ironic. Yeah, we could I could be Alanis Be great that would be very cool. What's been going on? It's very hot day today It is we're in the thick of summer in LA which you know I always forget though LA is the hottest in August and September. Oh God, really? So this is just a preview. Oh my God. I was playing foosball today. I play for hours a day.

By yourself? No, that would be crazy. Sprinting around in a circle. Because it's in your house? It's out back, yeah. And so, and my friend Matt has moved into my back house with his girlfriend for like six months. Are you liking this setup?

I don't like to be alone with my thoughts too much, so it's good to have them in there. They're like separate, they got their own kitchen. But he's an insane foosball player, like just misspent youth. And he loses his sense of humor when he plays, like he gets totally serious. And we were playing in the hot sun and I got so I mean I've beaten him twice and we've played maybe six thousand games. Whoa Very good. He's so good in the stuff that I hear myself say to him out of rage Like that I told him to burn in hell today. Oh my god. Yeah, just very competitive

I eat or is it just with him? I am in general but with him There's something so infuriating about the fact that he's not smiling and he's just slamming that ball in goal after goal. Thomas has seen him play. It's like, it's something. He's good. He beat me like three times in a row.

Yeah. And I had a foosball table when I was a kid. So I consider myself like a decent player. I bet playing anyone else, you'd be crushing them. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm getting really good from playing him in yeah, but he's unstoppable He's like passing What's that?

But it's I'm unstoppable Well, I'm glad you have that to entertain yourself with yeah, you created quite a pad between This table and your sauna. I mean, I think you're living the life. Do you think? It feels like it. I feel like it's reflective of like, yeah, kind of a kind of bachelor mindset,

but I've always been like that. I want games. I have a multi-cade arcade game that's like my most prized possession. Do you play? Yeah, it's just pretty loud because you know it's old school. But you just turn it on and play all these games, Pac-Man, Galaga, or is that what it's called? Where you shoot the airplanes?

Why is my mind totally blank? Yeah, same. Yeah, the airplanes that go- What is that game? Galaga. Yeah, Galaga. Okay. And then Donkey Kong and then Mr. Pac-Man, all these things, it's great, Ms. Pac-Man.

Did you ever see the documentary King of Kong? I did not. It's like Christopher Guest made it. It could be scripted, it's so amazing. It's about people who are obsessed with Donkey Kong and they're trying to beat the record, and there's like a villain, there's a hero, and their lives are falling apart because of this game. Like they are obsessed,

there's a cheap scandal, like you gotta watch King of Kong. Okay, good to know. They all have sort of mullets and yeah. You would love it, Fortune. Yeah, all right, I'll check it out. Yeah, what have you been doing? You've been racing around and FUBAR's out. FUBAR's out, which is great. I've just been so, my whole month of June was insane. Yeah. July's better. Yeah.

So. But better for you is still insane for most. I'm pretty busy, but I will, I think I, I think time management I'm good at. Yeah, you are. You don't have an assistant, which blows my mind. I think I've somehow just figured out a way to slot things in.

It just requires some real attention to the calendar and to details, and I figured out. Do you have a physical calendar? No, it's all on my Google calendar. See, I need it visually. Yeah, I got like an old school. But I work really hard and schedule the crap out of myself but then I will make time for the things

I need to make time for. Yeah, same. And I will stand firm on that. Same. When I got back from tour, I was like, I have to, and I'm still, I'm doing ADR and stuff, but I was like, I have to get a massage, and I went to the Korean spa.

I had a facial, never had facials, it was 85 minutes. And the facial was? Yeah. That's a long facial. And right before I went in, my friend said, hope you don't get claustrophobic. And as soon as she said that, I was like, oh my God, I'm trapped.

And then I did get claustrophobic. Did you? Yeah, and she was like poking me, popping me. Yeah, and I think an hour facial's good. I think that's good. But I don't mind an 80 minute massage. Give me 120 minutes. Walk on me. Oh yeah. I think that's good. But I don't mind an 80 minute massage. Give me 120 minutes. Walk on me.

Oh yeah, I like that too. I like that. The Thai massage. It's so good. Do they crack you? I don't like the cracking. Okay, I love it. But I don't mind the walking.

I just like to be walked on. Step on me. I love a massage. It's one of my favorite things. I know we've talked about it on the pod but that I'm a registered Shiatsu masseuse. That's right. Yeah, I'd just like to remind you.

You don't do anything with it, but you are. Well, you don't know what I do. True, I don't know what happens behind closed doors on your dates or whatever. I'm moonlighting in a time massage place. Yeah, I just booked an Airbnb in August for a couple weeks in Lake Arrowhead. Oh, that'll be nice.

To try to chill out. But I'm already inviting too many people. Oh, you got a bunch of people coming. I'm inviting some fun randoms. Not randoms, but people I haven't seen in years or haven't reconnected with. I invited these two girls I went to middle school with who are still friends. it'll be really fun

and we're gonna play all these games that are to do with the people we went to school with. Like remember all the names of everyone in our class and all our teachers. You know, I can't let go of anything. I'm so nostalgia driven. Well, that's all right. Yeah, that'll be good.

You'll have a good time. Yeah. Well, should we get to some questions? Yeah, we should. All right, that's all right. Yeah, that'll be good. You'll have a good time. Yeah. Well, should we get to some questions? Yeah, we should. All right, let's do it. Hi, we're calling from Oakland, California. I'm Alice and this is my cousin. I'm Chelsea and this is my mom.

I'm Debbie. And we have a question for you. When you're dreaming about flying, do you flap your arms like wings or soar like a super person? Oh wow. Do you dream about flying? Constantly.

You do have dreams? Yes, you don't? I do not, no. Never had a flying dream? I don't think so. Not that I recall. I don't remember a lot of my dreams. Yeah. I don't know what that means.

Yeah, we should Google what that means. No flying dreams versus flying dreams. But also, yeah, maybe you're just not a big dreamer. I have to do like the breaststroke. So I have to get up usually by jumping. And each time I jump, gravity gets less. And then once I'm up, I'm doing this breaststroke to kind of stay in place.

And usually the context is some kind of school yard bullies and I'm going, think you can do this? And then they're like, bullshit, you can't fly. And I'm like, watch me. And then usually I do that. And then there's another version where the only way I can fly is to step off a giant building.

Oh, that's scary. It's so scary. And it's just like. Are you flapping your wings or are you so Oh, that's scary. So scary, and it's just like. Are you flapping your wings or are you soaring? It's still. It's still the thing. This movement. Well, you're treading water.

It's kind of like treading water, yeah. It's very treading, yeah, yeah. I think that's what flying would be like, probably, right? Breaststroke, you're gonna have to still propel yourself, surely. The flapping of the arms feels like you're panicked Soaring feels like you've given into it. Yeah, wonder if there's something psychological about that Yeah If you can get high enough and let the wind just take you if I were to if I were to guess in my dream

I think I would be soaring because I'm in the dream. I love that. I'm safe. Yeah Would you ever go hand gliding? No. Me neither. I am not an adventure person. I just. I don't think I am either. I like an escape room.

Yeah. Some people say like as they've gotten older or they've had kids or whatever that they are less risk taking, you know? But I've never been. I'm a risk taker in life as far as like moving to LA with like 50 bucks in my pocket. And you know, like I'm a risk taker in life as far as like moving to LA with like 50 bucks in my pocket, and you know like that's a risk

Yeah, but as far as like adventure risk, that's not my thing life's scary already. I don't want to jump out of a plane I don't want a bungee jump. I don't want to Hang glide yeah nothing so you're not gonna be the new Ethan hunt in Yeah, nothing. So you're not gonna be the new Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible. No. Did you see it? Uh-uh. This plane sequence Thomas. It's amazing. Really? The movie bit of a mess. Yeah Oh, sorry if that alienates people, but that sequence is one of the craziest things I've ever seen He's he's fighting a guy and as he's climbing all over this plane as it flies and he's really doing it Tom Cruise yeah he's doing it he does it all and he's punching the guy and he's trying to get he's on the wing and he's hanging his face it's absolutely crazy yeah yeah I was cheering in the loves

through his own stunts he loves it well I mean he is an adventure guy for sure he has done a lot on planes. Do you think he dreams? I don't know. Does Tom Cruise dream is a good title for a sort of zine? Eyes wide shut. Yeah. Yeah.

I did Google, what does it mean to not dream about flying? And it said, one of the reasons is you might have moved on from the adventurous part of your life. So kind of lines up with what you're saying, Fortune. Oh, wow. I'm a practical gal. Yeah. You know, I have, I feel deeply,

I have, you know, the heart stuff, for sure. Yeah. I don't shy from that, but like, in other areas of life, I'm practical. But also, like, your job is scary. Like, you don't, you know what I mean? It's not like you're bored. Right, like I'm taking no risk.

And you wanna get some adrenaline, like you've got those adrenaline peaks. I think about that all the time, just like being on stage in front of 3,000 people and it's just you and a mic. And to like have to command the attention of those 3,000 people for an hour, it isn't easy. I mean listen, it's not rocket science, but it's not easy.

Yeah, and making it look easy is the- Yeah, making it look like you're coming up with everything on the spot, that's the thing. But, you know, if you were to tell somebody go do that, they'd probably be terrified. Like every customs official that I come over the border, they go, yeah, I was going to do that. Or yeah, I was thinking about it. I think I might do comedy. Public speaking is like one of people's biggest fears over death. That's that Seinfeld bit, right?

Yeah. That's insane. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that when people ask you what your favorite podcast is, you always answer handsome and send them a link to your favorite episode. Checking First is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Yeah, they fear it more than death so I don't know that they would like doing an hour of stand-up in front of all those people. There's so many things I find more scary than stand-up but I don't know. Well that's because you do stand up. So, yeah. But should we hear this amazing trio? Yeah, I love this trio, this family of

intergenerational lovely, lovely ladies. My answer, this is Alice, is when I'm flying, I flap my arms like wings and I'm very good at it. This is Chelsea. I start in a squat and jump into the sky with my arms by my sides, leading with my forehead. And this is Debbie. And I jump up and start to soar, only staying about six feet off the

ground because I'm really scared of heights. And then I go into a breaststroke motion. Fortune Marie, don't even go there. Oh. You've been pretty handsome. We love you. Oh, that's adorable. So I'm with Debbie, because I'm usually not that high up.

Yeah, and I'm breaststroking. They scolded me, and I didn't even say anything dirty. They beat you to it. I didn't even say anything dirty. They beat you to it. I didn't even say the word cooter or anything. Forge one. Well, that was a treat. I love that one. That was great.

Should we hear another one? Yeah. Hi, this is Lucy. Excited to send you a question. So a few episodes ago, you guys were talking about the pronunciation of the Pontius Pilate, and I just wanted to come to me as defense for a moment. I was a Classics major, and so Pontius Pilate was the governor of the Roman province of

Judea. So in Latin, it would have been pronounced Pontius Pilate. Teases were hard, and so their other funny like pronunciation facts like Julius Caesar would have been Julius Caesar, Cicero would have been Kikaro, Marc Antony was Marcus Antonius. Anyway, fun things like that. That leads me into my question. Is there a topic that you could talk forever about regardless of anyone else's interest in that? First of all, Cicero would have been Kickero. That's huge. I mean, but like, is anyone really saying it like this? And also, who's talking about Cicero? Come on. That much. Wow. But thank you for vindicating me, Pontius Pilate. Pontius. Pontius Pilate. Yeah,

what are your special interests that you could get on a rant about. I already on the radio show I do with Tom Poppil, we talk about food all the time. Food is like my love language, my life. I love it way too much. I think about it way too much. So any topic of food I could probably stay on for a while, especially snacks or apps. You would have been real fun on the,

in the tour van, we did about two and a half hours about favorite apps, favorite appetizers. I would have been real fun. On the tour van, we did about two and a half hours about favorite apps, favorite appetizers. I would have been right in there. I have a lot of knowledge, unfortunately, about it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I feel like you have a lot of topics you could go on for a while about.

Yeah, I'm remembering times where I've kind of come out of a daze and realized all my friends look bored and that they're like turning around. The main ones I'm thinking of are Survivor. I could truly talk about the beauty of the game of Survivor, the nuances of the gameplay, the evolution of the show as the series have gone on, things that I want them to change in the format. Like I could really- You probably have some good notes for them. I have many notes. Yeah.

Yeah, but huge respect as well. Right. And then the other one is Napoleon. Like I think I'm. Really? I went through a phase in the pandemic of getting really into, I mean, not into, he's such a complex figure, but like, I got really into him.

Yeah. And it's just, there's so much rich kind of detail in his strange ascension to power. And then like, like he was going to be a romantic novelist. He was he he wrote this romantic novel. It's sold at Sotheby's like 15 years ago and for not that much money. Oh, yeah. Trying to think if there's anything I have a lot of knowledge of. I know like a little bit of things, a lot of things.

I weirdly know a lot of religious stuff. Yeah. Just growing up in the South, having gone to church every Sunday, and then I studied religion a little bit. Yeah, you know your Bible stories. I know my Bible stories. You know your hymns. I studied Old a little bit. Yeah, you know your Bible stories. I know my Bible stories. You know your hymns.

I studied Old Testament in college. Yeah. I studied ancient Egypt in college as well for fun, but a lot of that knowledge I don't remember now. Yeah. But I remember loving it at the time. Yeah. But yeah, it was a big history buff

that I've sort of gotten away from that in my older age. But yeah, in college I was taking all these history things for no reason. Yeah. Just like, I want to learn about Egypt, ancient Egypt, and I want to learn about Old Testament. And I think we're so stressed as like adults are so stressed that really we do like when you have time off, you just want to numb like numb yourself switch. I mean, that's my problem now I think because I

doing stand-up and I Like you like we develop a lot of things. Yeah, you're always writing always and it just feels like homework Yeah, like and so I think when I'm not having to do that stuff I don't want to think about anything. But it's kind of keeping me from learning those, about those other like academic type things that I used to love to learn about.

That all feed your stand up too. Like all those things like they, yeah. I just, I've read, well I think it was cause I read that Harvard is doing online courses about the constitution and stuff, kind of as a response to Trump like cracking down on that. So then I went on their website and then I found all these online colleges where you can, some are free, some are like pretty cheap and there's like weekly lectures online and

then you don't have to do homework and it yeah yeah I think I might do that like an hour a week on like mythology or or you know, yeah. Yeah Listen to Ted talks, I guess I love a Ted talk. Yeah. Yeah, I would do a Ted talk on survivor or on You should do a Ted talk on survivor. I can't now If I was gonna do a Ted Talk, it might be on the troubled teen industry or something. Cause I had to learn so much about that for the show and writing the show that's coming out in the fall,

like about the history of where those programs came from. Cults in the 70s, it's super interesting. Cults in the 70s is interesting. Juicy. I like those documentaries that pop up about that wild shit. Yeah. MK Ultra.

And just like those personalities that can get people to follow them. What the study of that type of person is interesting. It was just like a giant narcissist. Cult are endlessly fascinating. Yeah, total narcissism. Yeah, let's hear Lucy's answer. Okay, my answer, yes, classics is one of them. The other for me is the story of human evolution.

I love thinking and reading about the story of how humans evolved and then other questions that that brings up like what makes us truly human? Did the onset of agriculture spell the downfall for the welfare of the human race? You know, lots of good questions like that. Thanks for answering. All right. That's so juicy. And I love a book that is like bite-sized kind of history of the universe and the world. And yeah, the acceleration of like, you acceleration of the time from the invention of whatever to the invention of the atomic bomb is so short. We're just exponentially moving so fast.

Oh man, okay, I gotta talk to Lucy. Lucy, you speak May's language. Yeah, that's juicy. Thank you, juicy Lucy. I wish I hadn't said that. Juicy Lucy! I wish I hadn't said that, sorry. Well, what's juicy. Thank you. Juicy Lucy. Wish I hadn't said that. Juicy Lucy! I wish I hadn't said that. Sorry. Well, what a treat. This was fun to do one of these in person.

It was a real pleasure. Yeah. Yeah, what a treat. And there's this nice like smiley face behind you. Oh, sorry. I'm going for the connection. Smiley face. Oh, right there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it really matches you. Here at Head Gum, This is where we're We're stationed at the moment. Yeah on these couches keep keep sending your questions, please Yeah, it's a speak pipe comm slash handsome pod. Yeah, do it. That's right. Do it

Well, this is lovely. I guess I'd like to remind you to keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. That was a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that you slow down when the speed limit changes and you're driving

through that little town in the middle of nowhere. Avoid a ticket and get there safely. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. in the middle of nowhere. Avoid a ticket and get there safely.