Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #53

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

Mae and Fortune talk spin the bottle, muscle shirts, nose piercings, and reveal their secrets on another Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Handsome Pot. Chatting the friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod's Prat little episode. I'm Fortune Feemster. I'm May Martin. Hello. And May, I have to say, you're looking pretty handsome.

Oh, thanks. The tank top is referring to the tank. Yeah, because you told us in another episode that you rocked one of those on stage. And I assumed you did that all the time. You said, you do not. And now you're rocking it with us today. And we're all going wild. People are losing their minds by people.

I mean, you and Thomas. It's hot today. And I didn't have time to change. And I'm just seeing how it feels, how it affects my personality. I'm going to try and wear it a lot this summer, I think. You look tough. Really? Yeah.

You scared? No. I mean, in a good way. Yeah. It makes me want to get more tattoos. Like, it makes me want to really go the whole hog. Let's see your, let's see your one tat over here, this one. Oh, I got, what it?

That's like some years. Like I got, okay. A 12 in 2012, 16 and 2016, and a 22 and 22. Okay. Yeah. Are you thinking of like on the arm or something? Well, I'm running out of real estate fortune, but I'm thinking about like back of the arm, like on the tricep or maybe I don't know.

Okay. Around my belly button, a big, like a face where the belly button's the mouth. No, don't do that. No, I'm just kidding. I'm too much of a list to get, uh, a tat. Yeah, you're not good with pain. With pain, yeah. Do you have pierced ears? I sure do. I got these when I was 18. I think that's worse than a tattoo. Really? Well, it depends. Yeah. I'm glad I got them pierced because I had to wear the clip-ons for a sketch the other week and owie. Yeah, my mom wore

clip-ons growing up. I always remember she had ones with fur on them, like furry. Clip-ons. Yeah. So did you, is that why you got your ears pierced? Because you were tired of wearing those clip-ons? Yeah. It just didn't want my ears always hurting. And I was like, I think that the piercing would be a much easier road.

If you got a little nose stud, it would change your whole life. One of these. I'm not really looking for that. I'm not really. Jagshead has one, but. Oh, really? Like a little. Yeah, a little stud.

Yeah. I just was never. I'm just simple. I'm a simple gal, may. You're a simple gal. You're wearing a really good t-shirt, Asheville. Shout out to Asheville, North Carolina. It says 10,000 lesbians can't be wrong. That's right. Someone gave me this shirt when I was in Asheville, not this time of the last.

I think it means that there are this many lesbians in Asheville. I don't know if that's an exact number. And they love it. And they can't be wrong for living there. I'm just quickly Googling population of Asheville, because I want to know what percentage we're talking. Because when they do the census, are they asking people if they're lesbians?

Well, that's what I want to know. I don't think so, right? Population's only like 100,000. So that's 10%. That's a lot of lesbians in one area. Wait, but don't they say 10% of people in general are gay? So, you know, I don't know the stats. I just know.

I just joke that the lesbians in Nashville are, you know, on the mountain somewhere. And when someone comes to town that is some representation, the bat signal goes out. Yeah. And they just hook carabiners to each other and make their way down the mountain. I haven't heard the word of carabiners in a while. Yeah, you know, it's a good old camping tool and a nice keychain.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I bet if they, if on the, if they included by Curious, people. It would be up to 40,000. I feel like there are more, more ladies, I think, are becoming curious these days, don't you think? I think that's because of stigma. I think they just feel safer to say it. I think it's the same for men or more probably. Yeah. Okay. For sure. Think about the army, the Navy, ancient Greece. Think about it. Jail. Just think about it. I just think women are getting exasperated by a certain age, by men. Not all. Hashtag, not all. Um,

But they're just like, well, maybe it would be nice that I have a lady tell me I'm pretty and, you know, want to hold my hand. Yeah, that does seem to happen more than like men getting to like 45 and being like, I just want to hang out with another guy. You know what I really use is a nice cuddle from my brofriend. Yeah. Yeah, they're not as open to that. Yeah, they should be. But ladies are a little more fluid. Well, you know how I always play spin-the-bottle at parties?

Yeah. I always instigated. I've never, you've never been in a party where I have instigated. I don't get invited to spin-the-bottle parties, weirdly enough. You're going to. Especially when I, especially in my married days, I really didn't get invited. You guys left before the chaos. No one wanted the married couple at the spin-the-bottle party.

But I always notice when I, when I introduce Spin the Bottle, it's always the straight guys that are so excited to have an excuse to kiss each other. They're so, so into it. Well, if they're nice. They're like, if I must kiss this strong bearded man. Yeah, they're going in for round two. Wow. Okay.

Well, you get people just feeling loose, I guess. Right. I hope so. Right. Right. Right. Thomas came over today to fix my tech. How did it, did it work out?

It worked out great. and it was nice to have a little visit, and we played foosball, and it was good. I was hoping y'all got some foosball in. May it kicked my ass, two games in a row. May is pretty good, from what I hear. They're pretty good. That's just because I own a table, so I play a lot,

but I didn't realize that Thomas plays pinball, like, a lot. And so I'm thinking I might go to the pinball place and start to dip my toe in because there's tournaments and stuff, something I could really immerse myself in and get really obsessed. You might end up buying your own pinball machine at some point. It's a matter of time until pinball machine photo booth would be great. Yeah. That must be expensive, though.

A vintage photo booth and it break all the time. I think that someone should make a handsome pinball machine. How cool would that be? Oh, my God. And it goes like into our mouths. And to our mouths. Oh, my God. And at one point, you get the most points if the ball goes up and it goes between two boobs

and gets motorboats is right. There would be a lot of references in there Pineapples, Ghosts, Ponters That would be great I mean many put it on the list So many things I saw there's already a I don't know if it was someone

Like our people that did Like the handsome Monopoly game Because we talked about it Oh yeah That was great Autumn put that together Yeah that was hilarious Yeah

They're always doing some fun things on that our socials it's so it's such a treat to see the things that uh autumn comes up with yeah um fortune how are you that was so weird how are you i mean how are you and also how are you how's your morning been is are you having another like crazy day where you're just no yesterday was insane i literally did not stop from 8 a m until 10 p.m like not a second um today it's been much better I got to swim today. So that's always a sign of a good day. Yeah, nice.

And I'm going on a dinner date with my good friend, Zach Noi Towers. Oh, nice. Which you guys got to meet at some point. He's delightful. I'd love to meet him. He's like a sweet, gentle. He's a sweet, gentle gay stand-up comic. Yeah, I'd love to meet him.

But also, like, very sex positive and very, like, is non-monogamous. and proud of it and will always be. And so it's fun to hear his stories of being out gallivet and around town. Get him to the spin the bottle party. He would soar at this party, May. Yeah. Y'all would be good wing people for each other. One time I was at a party, I mean, in my 20s I was, you know, a lot crazier.

But I was at a party at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with Brett Goldstein and a bunch of British comics. And I was so drunk. instigated a game where basically one person would get blindfolded and lie on a bed and then one by one we would kiss them and there were maybe like 15 people playing and then they had to say who the best kisser was what number like like real kisses yeah and it was always Brett and I think that that's partly because they felt his beard and they knew who it was and they just wanted to get. I think that was part of it, but also he just were hoping that he would want to go on a date. Yeah, yeah. Brett is a handsome man, that is for sure. He really is. But he probably is also a good

kisser. He is a good kisser. He is a great kisser. This came as wild. What I am living such a boring life. It felt very high school though, very like, and there was definitely a moment, like, there's always a moment where kind of you step back and are like, What are we doing? We should, this is weird. We should stop that. You're like, after all 15 people kissed each other, we're like, what are we doing? Yeah.

Well, listen, I live your best life. Do your thing. That's what I say. You're having a good time. Well, I was. I got to bring some of that back. You do. You need to get back into that energy.

Yeah. Instead of like retreating to the woods. Don't do that. To do my paintings. I know it when you need to refresh, but also enjoy life. Yeah. Yeah. Should we hear some questions?

Let's do it. Yeah. Hello, Handsoms. My name is Caroline sending you a question from Omaha, Nebraska. My question for you is, when you were growing up or present day, is there a game that you and your friends or family play when everybody is together, like back in town? It could be a board game, a card game. kind of game and do you love that you guys are always doing that activity or not so much can't

I mean we just talked about a game that's less of a family game that's not a family game for sure yeah what about you don't do that game don't do the smooching game with your fam no you strike me as someone that would have a game family oh yeah it's like how we connect I think I mean I think we connect the four of us. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've got your phone set to do not disturb before heading to bed before the night. Nobody wants to be woken up by a spam call at 5 in the morning.

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All-state fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. My mom and dad play every day at 4 p.m. They play scrabble and cribbage. Oh, wow.

Like for two hours, they play games. But we play poker as a family now, and they just annihilate us. So we play poker, and there's a lot of trash talk. but growing up the only thing I can think of is that was pretty weird was my grandma's husband and my grandma died when I was really little so I would have been like two when this happened but I remember it that he was a carpenter and so he invented this club that was like the loon club or something he would carve these little badges with like birds on them and so me and my brother I was like two my brother's six and we were like how do we get in this club basically and he was

like, I don't know, you know, it's not for kids and stuff. But what it was was you had to walk around the perimeter of the cottage at night by yourself. That's what, I mean, they were just messing with us. Yeah. But that was like how you get in the club. And I remember being two and it was snowing. And I went out and I was two. And I was like, was anyone watching me? And I walked around in the woods around the house. That is a young age to be just gallant around in the snow. Yeah, around the house at night. They were probably watching me from the window. Yeah. What about you? My family was not a big game family. We were more of a sporty family. So we would play tennis together, soccer outside or throw catch or play catch, whatever. Are you and your brother competitive with each other? None of us, I mean, we like to win, but none of us would get so crazy. We're like, you know, you hear.

hear these stories of people and families like having crazy outbursts like it was never like that we're yeah we're like want to win but we would be chill too yeah yeah yeah i'm pretty chill about losing and stuff but i know that my parents because they play every day it's like for sure there's been moments where it's put a strain like my mom's convinced that my dad has this crazy luck and she's like it's not fair because he has this insane luck so with scrabble which is not a luck game but she's like it is a luck game because of the letters that you choose and he always gets like the Y and she gets stuck with like a shitty letter like a V or whatever so now at the beginning of the game they divide up they make sure they have an equal number of like vowels and stuff like

which kind of takes out a lot of fun of the game but it's they make sure they have an equal chance I mean I guess if it keeps peace in the home I think it doesn't that was instigated because I think there, I think there was a moment where someone ripped the board in half. Oh, no. Yeah. Semi ironically, but. Yeah. Yeah. How funny. There are some families that just love games. That's their love language. They're like, let's sit down and play a board game. Yeah. Let's hear Caroline's answer. Let's. My answer would be, maybe there's a name for this game. All I know is that my grandma taught us and used to play with us. It's similar to Solitaire. Everybody playing has their own deck of cards, but you can play on each other's aces in the middle of the table. So it becomes kind of like a race to get through and

see if you can finish your Solitaire game and get your cards up when the opportunity arises on the aces. I hope that makes sense. I love your show. Thanks so much. Yeah, we called that spit in Toronto. Spit. We called it spit and it was it was really intense we played it at school a lot it gets super fast and yeah yeah i like a fast game i've played this game with uh some friends with dice and someone has to keep score but you need someone that knows the rules because there are different things to it it's called farkel farkel yeah love it i probably shouldn't learn more games because i i really have to learn to socialize without them like at my house i'm really anything yeah you're right actually fuck it yeah

Yeah. Let's hear another question. Yeah. Hi, Handsoms. This is Annie and Anna. We are a married couple in New York City, and we have been huge fans of the podcast since the beginning. Our question is, have you ever secretly had a favorite when you knew you kind of shouldn't? Like a favorite child or pet or sibling or friend or colleague?

Thanks so much. Anna and Anna are a married couple. That's amazing. They're married, right? Yeah. It sounded like one of them was eating at the same time as talking. Or maybe they were looking up on. And what if they both went into this as Anna and then one of them was like,

you're going to need to. You're going to need to tweak this. You're going to be Anna. That would be such a top move to be like, you change your name. A favorite anything. I always would make my grandmother tell me who her favorite grandchild was and it was you it was me may and i got it on video i was about 16 years old and my grandmother it was at my brother's graduation party and i had this video camera

because i really wanted to stick i wanted to stick it to him one of the graduation i had a i had one of those old school video cameras and you know how my accent was back then nana hi hi i need to ask you a question like it was real country. Oh, my God. I have it somewhere. I think I put it on a DVD and I said, Hey, name,

Hey, who's your favorite grandchild? And she, like, looked around side to side and then pointed at me. And I was like, yeah. Oh, my God.

And it was my proudest achievement in all life. And then when I did the Tyler Henry Medium thing, yeah. My grandmother came through and guess what? He said,

she said. that I was her favorite and wait didn't he also because I watched it didn't he also like point at you he was like or no no that was a different I don't remember I got to actually go back and watch it I never went back I think you need to watch it a second time to pick up one other stuff but he said she was like you're my favorite that's crazy and I called my one of my brothers and I said ha ha you see that and I rubbed it in his face again okay I feel like we're getting an answer to the question were you competitive with your brother. Literally, his deceased grandparent, you're calling him up to rub salt in the wound.

And she's been dead for 27 years. And I'm still like, in your face. That's so funny. But I don't know. Do you have a favorite anything that you're not supposed to say is your favorite? I don't think so. Well, we don't have kids. No, but even when I'm around kids, I, it's even.

Even though even the annoying ones, I just, I think they're magic. So I'm, I mean, I guess I would have favorites of my friend's kids and stuff. I had two cats growing up and I guess I did have a favorite because only one of them would let me pick her up. Yeah. But that's just because very early, my parents said that one's yours and that one's your brother. So then I bonded with the one they said was mine. Yeah, for sure.

You feeling like kids are magic, do you think you want to have kids one day? or you don't know? I want kids in my life. I think I want to be a parent. I don't really care how it happens. It could be someone else's kid who I meet. It could be adopted. It could be foster kids.

It could be any kids. Yeah. But I want to like be a safe place for a kid, you know? Aw. Well, you'd be very good at it. You have that fun imagination and like you like hanging with kids and being creative. and doing that kind of fun stuff. Thanks, man.

Yeah. Yeah. You got nieces and nephews and stuff, right? Yeah, but we're 3,000 miles away. I got nephews. We're 3,000 miles away since they were basically born. So I see them, you know, when I can, but it definitely is like, hey, what's up? Hey, kid, how you doing?

What up, kid? Yeah, what's your deal? I'll be like, you want to, like, you know, let's go see a movie. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, when they were really little, I was far away, so. Yeah, that's tough. But, I mean, you know, listen, my dog Biggie is always my favorite of everything.

Yeah, that counts. But do you think if you got a puppy at the same time as Biggie? I think Biggie would still win. I think you're right. I think he's just, you know, that like Soul Dog, those Soul Dogs they talk about. Yeah. You were meant to know him. I know. I haven't seen him in a while, which is hard, but we'll figure it out.

It's super hard. But, yeah, he's just a special boy. So it would be hard for anyone to compete with him. I think I love him more than the cat I had as a child. I know. I think he'll be back soon and he'll pop, you know, get here on my desk and sleep during one of our tapings. Yes, please. Hasn't that has been sad not having it. his little sweet face go, where am I?

Yeah, I missed the pan over to him just unconscious. Oh, those were the days. Now he's a product of divorce. Well, should we hear Annie and Anna's answer? Yeah. Our answer is that we obviously love all three of you so much, but not equally. Oh, wow. We are enormous fans of TIG and May, but our favorite is full.

Fortune. We love you, fortune. And also Tick and May. Wow. Okay, I know how it felt to be your brother. I didn't see that coming. Holy. Well, I know for a fact, based on our live shows and all the posters that show up in the audience, you are many people's favorites. So are you, though. That is, you know what is, I mean, that is very funny. And I, I, of course, course people have favorites but the craziest thing is when people come up to you in person and tell you that one of the other two is their favorite like that has happened to me so many times being like yeah i didn't know who you were but um you know that's hilarious it always be my favorite like yeah i get asked a lot if you're uh single and really um and they talk about having a crush on you okay you got to tell them to if they ever meet me to pretend they'd

don't know who I am and to be really aloof and then that'll do it that'll do it yeah yeah I don't want aloof I don't no I don't want to loof either I'm joking loof is not for me I don't as soon as someone's just like trying to act too cool or like play games I'm like no thanks yeah same you know in that space but like I'm just uh yeah yeah I just like just be a real person I like kind of messy intense people like yeah like kind sweet yeah sorry yeah I mean me too I don't want to have to beg for someone's affection or love no way man no chasin no chasing yeah yeah well what a fun little little episode always a pleasure please keep submitting your questions go to speakpipe dot com slash handsome pod yeah we love hearing from you we sure do i keep saying for people to ask us advice we

still don't get that yeah please ask us advice we're so good at giving advice and no one it's like we're good we just want to ask us a question i mean would you say our personal lives are to be in shambles yeah to be replicated like we don't need advice for you guys yeah we're kind of going through it right now Yeah, they're like... Well, we have had a lot of episodes this summer of all of us crying. Yeah, we really have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is, you know, it's so funny because we, for the longest time, we're like so ridiculous and silly.

And lately, we've just been, like, crying with each other. I know. I know. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's just, you know, I guess we just cover all the, all the emotions on this pod. Yeah. Well, keep sending the dumb questions then as well. Yeah. Not just heavy life advice.

That's right. I got nothing really coming up. I'm taking it easy, but I'm gearing up for the release of Wayward. It's coming out in September. And, yeah, check out my music and stand-up and stuff. What about you? Yeah, just in Spokane, that great outdoors comedy festival. And then September gets real busy.

A lot of like Houston and San Antonio and I got some fun big theaters coming in like Chicago, Boston, D.C. So get your tickets. Yeah. I guess in the meantime. Yeah. Just keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at. Handsome Pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they can save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate

First. Mike, you know to check that when you're at the grocery store, you buy proportional amounts of salsa. If you get a big bag of chips, make sure you get a big tub of salsa to go with it. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability,

Allstate Fire, and Casualty, Insurance, Company, and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.