Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #55

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

Tig and Fortune dole out some advice and take a question from the Handsome listener voted "most attractive" on a little episode voted "most pretty"!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you're ready for fall with a whole heap of cozy fall sweaters. One sweater is never enough and neither is 10 sweaters. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings varies subject to terms, conditions and availability.

Allstate firing casualty insurance company and affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois Handsome Pot. Chatting the friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting the Friends of a Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod's pretty little episode. It's Fortune.

And it's Tig. I started to hear the theme song for just a second and then it went away. And then it went away. It didn't want you bopping your head along to the music. It did not. How's it going, Fortune, Feemster? He's going pretty good. I am in North Carolina.

Okay. How's Ginger? My mom, she's good. I'm going to go to chemo with her tomorrow. She has some appointments today. I'm just driving her like Miss Daisy. Yeah. And yeah, I was in Montreal this weekend, May was.

there as well and um i was almost there you were almost there you're people kept asking us you're playing art canceled something like that well there was a uh what is it ground stop or something in denver um yeah so uh yeah what's a ground oh like is just everything shut down or something yeah yeah oh that's a bummer anyway how was montreal yeah i was bummed to miss it um it was great Handsome Got Podcasts of the Year at Just for Laos. Yeah, we did. Yeah. So I'm sure we'll mention that on the

main pod, but you know, May and I were there and accepted the award on all of our behalf. Mm-hmm. And it was fun. And then I did May's show that night. So we had a two-thirds

handsome situation going on. Amazing. Yeah. It was a week of hosting. I hosted Jimmy Kimmel. for a couple nights. Right. How was that? It was super fun. I wore suits every night, keeping it handsome.

Oh, I bet. I saw like a picture, video, or something, and you looked quite sharp. Oh, thanks. And quite fit. Oh, well, that's sweet. Yeah. I mean, I know you're a full-blown gun show these days. I've been trying to be better.

I was eating a lot this week, though, because I was, you know, just hungry and working all day, every day. Yeah. But I, uh, I had a blast. It was so fun to get to, like, dip my toe in that world. What did you enjoy the most? My mom got to be on the show, which was really cool. She is becoming a full-blown star. I know.

Is she flying private yet? Not yet. That's not happening. they had a last minute cancellation and someone brought it up and I floated it past her and she was like absolutely so she literally did like five hours of chemo and they got on a flight that night whoa yeah but had the time of her life you're both workhorses that's right she got so much good so many people wrote her about it and Arnold's Schwarzenegger was the other guest that night

and he brought out flowers to her. It was a really sweet moment. That's nice. And then I interviewed Mariah Carey, which was quite the treat. Are you a fan? I love her. She is a diva in the best ways

and just, you know, so mysterious and iconic. And I just felt like I was living the dream of every gay man in the world. And I... Wait. Okay, go ahead. loved it. I've commented on her boobs.

On the show? Yeah. They were take they were so prevalent. You couldn't not mention them. I would not have mentioned them. I did it. It was a fun playful way. I was just like your boobs look great. Now wait a minute. That's not very mysterious of her to have your boobs out. The boobs were not mysterious, for sure. What is mysterious? She's just an enigma. You know, like you don't ever really know what she's doing and, you know, why she's doing it because she's Mariah.

She's infamous for her episode of Cribs where she wore high heels on a stairmaster. She just does things you don't expect. I've heard that she's famously late. She was late. Yeah, I've heard that she is outrageously late. Well, I think every concert definitely starts, like, several hours late. But even meetings. I've heard that she shows up, or like interviews.

I've heard that, like, she doesn't come downstairs maybe for a few hours. Yeah, she was late, but we were told she would be late, so everyone was prepped for it. But not as late as she could have, as she could have been. Yeah, it was reasonable. Okay. I had a fun interview with her, and afterwards she told me it was the funniest interview she's had in decades. Oh, that's amazing. So, yeah, we really hit it off.

And let me go back and ask you, what is reasonably late? I think her call time was three, and she got there at 4.30. Okay, that's reasonable. Show started taping at 4. I think we held 10 minutes. So essentially, in her mind, she was on time. She was early. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But it was, she was a trip. I was honored that she even said yes, because, you know, sometimes they want the host. They want the host because, you know, they're a big star. Yeah. She, I don't think she knew of me. Uh-huh. And she took a chance and did it and had a blast. And after the show, I went in her dress room and chatted with her.

And she was so fun and was like, what are you, what are you in next? I got to look up, you know, your next movie or whatever. And she just was really cool. Nice. Did you tell her about handsome? I didn't. I should have. Yeah.

I felt like if I tried to explain to her and then ask her for a question, she was like, girl, get out of here. And you'd be like, well, at least you got my gender right. that's true but yeah it was a good week I was only asking what is reasonably late

just because I think you remember I told you about I was three minutes late to somebody's show once and they were really upset with me yeah that's an unreasonable thing to be mad about

not an unreasonably late time yeah so I was just curious if you were going to say She was three minutes late No, she was an hour and a half But Arnold on the other hand Hit the show taped at 4 And they asked him to be at rehearsal at 2

And he was there at 2 Okay And you know most big movie stars like that Would be like I'm not coming to rehearsal Uh huh And he because he was part of the monologue as well I see okay So it was fun

Well good I'm glad it was a good time I appreciate it And then like what about Late Night and hosting late night Are you like oh I like this? I liked it a lot But like what specific were you like

Oh I like the monologue the most Or oh I loved the sitting down talking to the guest Or oh I thought run through was really fun Yeah You know Well Jimmy's staff is so lovely And fun and positive That the days were very felt very easy

I mean, I was nervous for sure But they made me feel like well taken care of Did you feel nervous when you were taping Or when you're doing it? A little bit When I first started the monologue But then I got much looser as the week went on Uh huh

Uh huh You know, it's just the monologue I really enjoy It's just getting that Reading the teleprompter down Mm-hmm Yeah The interviews are fun But they are a lot more to juggle

But you're just trying to like listen to the people. You're trying to think of the next question, listen to their answer. You're trying to care about what they're saying? Yes. And watch the time to make sure you wrap it up or get enough. You have to either get enough or wrap it up.

So it's just a little bit more moving part. So I'd say the monologue is the most fun. Nice. Do you want your own talk show? I would not be opposed to it. I don't know that late nights. how much of a future it has. Right.

With Colbert getting canceled, that feels like the beginning of some tide turning. Yeah. But it was really fun to get to try. Well, great. Congrats again. Should we get to some questions? I think we should get to some questions. I mean, that's why we're here.

So why not give the people what they want? Let's do it. Hi, my handsome babies. This is Star. like Twinkle, Twinkle. So you know how in the high school yearbook people vote for class clown or best hair or most likely to? What category did you want to win in high school?

And what category would you want to win today? Feel free to make up new categories for today's yearbook. Huh. Well, I only made it to ninth grade. Stop bragging. I only made it to ninth grade, and I dropped out. So I probably deep down wanted to be voted funniest. Mm-hmm.

But in a really funny twist, my best friend. Got that? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I think she would admit, I'm funnier than her. I'm funnier than her.

Well, I mean, you are a professional comedian now, so that's not a hard to. to believe. I know. I just, I don't want to say it at a regular level, you know, because she does listen to this podcast from time to time. Well, you took yourself out of the running by quitting school. Failing and dropping out. Yeah. Thomas, did I tell you that that Beth won the funniest person? No, I don't think I knew that. That's funny. Yeah, I mean, Beth is a very fun, funny, great sense of humor person, but I don't think anybody was like, this one's a clown right here. Yeah, right.

Because she's so like just a good, also a very good person and like earnest and kind and, you know, not that you can't be that, but she just made good grades. You know, she just always excels and does the right thing. And I was not. And anyway, it was a funny twist in our friendship. That is a twist. She got it. But there you are.

I actually was voted wittiest, which is our version of funniest. Oh, so you got the grand prize. I got the grand prize. I actually was voted too. I was voted wittiest and most athletic. And they told me to choose. Wow, fortune, overachiever. I thought, well, even at the time, I was like, I would rather be known as being funny than being athletic.

And why is that? Because back then I thought, well, clearly everyone knows I'm athletic, whereas now, everyone was like, well, we know you're funny. We didn't know you're athletic. And what were your soccer? Is that what was that one of your sports? In high school, I played, soccer was one of my sports. I didn't play in high school, though. Softball?

Softball, basketball, and tennis. My God. Now, when do you got those calves? I mean, these calves have been popping my whole life. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I got that superlative then, but if I had to choose one now, do you have one that you could think of now?

Oh, I just remembered a joke from the first year I started doing stand-up. Yeah. I used to make a joke that I was voted in high school. I was voted least likely. Just least likely. That's the end of the joke. That's it.

That's funny. Maybe I'll bring that back. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check and see when your favorite bird is due to be migrating through your local area. That's when it's time to grab your binoculars and get your bird watching on.

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability, all state fire, and casualty insurance, company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. What would I want now?

Most likely to live to be 100. Oh, nice. I like that. Yeah. Well, I don't know if I told you, but Stephanie said she wants to die together. Okay. And I told her, I'm 15 years older, so I have bad news. You're for sure going to die alone. And I said, but the good news is you can start dating. You'll have a whole new life. And she's like, no, we have to die together. So you can do it. And so that kind of did kickstart me. wanting to, like, really take care of myself. Wanting to live?

Yeah. And so I want to see if I can just, how far I can go. But so her, she's, her goal in life is always to, to live to be 100. And I said, well, if I have to live to be 100, you have to live to be 115. So. That's true. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. that y'all love each other that much because she can't bear the thought of being on earth without you that's very romantic what are we going to do just both have a heart attack at this on the same day there are some couples that like yeah well even Sarah silverman's dad and her stepmom wasn't it like pretty soon yeah but there are some couples that like have been together so long that when one dies the other one's just like I'm out yeah yeah Yeah. This is it. And they just die a couple of days apart. Yeah. Well, I love that superlative.

I would maybe the one that's the most on the nose would be best gams. Oh, yeah, of course. I would hope that I would win that superlative. You would for best gams. Well, then I would win best dumpster tits. But I think the superlative for our podcast. would probably be someone winning most handsome. Or best guns.

Yeah. I think we should all three wrestle at once. We should. This sounds... Put it on the list, Thomas. For our listeners. The three of us is just wrestling is wild. Mud wrestling.

Mud wrestling. Thomas. Put in bikini. Put it on the way. You and Megan being bikini. Well May would be top. May would be topless.

So would I. Oh yeah. Dumpster tits would be topless too. Hey, don't call me that. And then you would be in a sexy bikini. I am not going to be a key. Yes, you are. I will definitely have my top on and it will be a full-blown sweatshirt.

And then it's coming off. You have to be trying to be. to rip it off how dare you yeah well god this sounds highly sexual well okay you jumped a few steps here oh mud red dude i'm just mud rustling with my friends nothing so funny well one of these days when we have her handsome we'll have we'll have to have a handsome cruise yeah we'll on a cruise and we'll ask the ship to provide a mud wrestling stage. When you said that, I pictured the three of us talking to the actual ship,

like the outside of it docked. And I was saying, can you? Should we hear what star, as in twinkle, twinkle, as I say? Let's hear it. I won Best Looking, but I always wanted to be voted funniest. And in today's yearbook, I'd love to be voted, it's most likely to die surrounded by 101 Dalmatians.

Because dogs are the greatest. True, true. Love you guys. Well, I thought you was going to say surrounded by 101 year olds. I was like, well, I guess I can push it one more year. And second of all, Star, send in a photo, okay? You can't just be dropping,

I'm the hottest one in my school and then not give us a peek a bit. Am I right? I think Star wanted to ask us that question just to drop that she was voted hottest in school. For sure. Way to go, Star. What if I told you I won hottest in my school? I would love that.

I would be so happy to hear that. Oh, look when someone sent my mom. They sent this to my mom, by the way. Not to me. It was too ginger fiendster. Okay, dyke. I can't see what's on the picture, though. It's you.

Oh, it is? That's your picture. I have terrible eyesight. Of you being very handsome. Yes, indeed. I was 19, 18, 19, right there. So I could see, I could see this gal getting voted hottest. Wait, why does it say okay, dyke, comma?

Let's see. It's okay. Oh, you're right. That seems like some. I think the comma is supposed to be in between the words, right? For sure. They're like, I know there's a comma in there somewhere to throw it in. On what planet would Ginger Feamster wear that t-shirt that said, okay, like?

Well, she walked out with it and she goes, what is this? And she goes, and why is it getting sent to me? And I was like, that's Tig. And it's one of takes jokes that take to set of an handsome pod and life. So now people say OK Dike. I need to get some OK Dike merch made. Yeah, you do. All right.

Do we have another question? Hello, my name is Sid, and I am from just north of New York City. I am a huge fan of the pod and all of your work individually. I am also an English language arts teacher for high school students, and my question concerns the part of teaching ELA that I struggle with most, and that is writing personal narratives. Although my students have many interesting stories, they never seem to know how to start. And so I was wondering if you could share something about your process when writing personal narratives for your stand-up routines or any of your work. Hmm Here's what I'm going to say

About where to start I always think about How it's helpful Typically to Just get into it Yeah Where does the story begin Mm-hmm

And for sure It can help to T something up Am I answering this question correctly Yep You are It's certainly helpful to tease something up. And as we discussed, the brilliant Andrea Gibson passed away,

very sadly. And I've been, on my walks in the morning, I've been thinking about what am I going to say because Andrea's memorial is coming up that I'm going to speak at. And what I keep going back to is what do I want to say and just get into it? Just start where it started at the beginning. And that doesn't necessarily mean start at the beginning of time, of knowing the person. But this is what I want to say. Right. And where does that begin? Just get in. Because if you think in terms of like an editor, you know, you know, cut it down. What do you want to? to say get into it i don't know if that's helpful no i think it's very helpful because that is sometimes the hardest part is just learning where to start when you get this like assignment you're

like where do i even begin like when people are going to write a book or something and i think that is the best thing just like you got to start somewhere so i mean i do the same similar thing if because all of my stories are based on something that happened so i just take like what actually And I write it out as it actually happened. This happened and this happened, then this happened, then this happened. And so I just get it out in a way that's like factual. And then I start filling in the gaps with jokes or punchlines. They're like, oh, that's not descriptive enough.

Let me change that word. And I just sort of, yeah, get out the what happened of it all. and then elevate it later. So that's my process. I was just thinking about when I wrote my book called I'm just a person, I started my first chapter the moment I left the hospital after my mother died. Oh, wow. And that was, I can't even explain, because if you put aside like you get into, you just get

into it. Everything that happened in 2012 with health and death and relationship, everything that went to hell in my life, that was something that was so scarring because I was alone and I got into a taxi at three in the morning after my mother died and the taxi driver, I think, was tweaking. Oh, gosh. And the craziest situation took place. when I needed to just quietly drive home or I needed the comfort of a stranger. And I was sent on a hell ride. And so I wanted to just start my book right there. And then in using that, let that kind of open every other story about my mother,

about where my health was, about where my life was, it just, I don't know why. I just felt so compelled to start there. Yeah. So I guess I'm bringing that up because you don't have to start from the beginning. You can use a jumping off point that will open the doors to the beginning, middle, end, and whatever. So anyway. I love it. I think that's solid advice.

Same, same. Let's hear what Sid's answer is. My answer, what I say to try to help them, is don't begin at the beginning. Just start where you have an image in your mind or the writing flip. easily. And who knows, maybe the introduction will grow from there. Thank you so much. And if you do answer my question, I will play it in class for my students. Aw. Well, hi, students. Yeah, good luck, students. Good luck. And thank you for, and that wasn't sarcastic. It's really like, good luck, students. Good luck, you've got this. Yes, yes, yes. And Sid, so do you, and thank you for writing in

or actually calling in, and thanks to everyone that has submitted questions. We love getting them. They're always fun and like, wow, I didn't expect that, like Cid's, and Star, like twinkle, twinkle. And yeah, do you have anything that you want to share, Fortune, before we head out of here? No, just on the road doing a ton of shows, some fun cities coming up, like Chicago and Atlanta and Mobile and Richmond and D.C., so get your tickets. Nice. West Hampton, New York, Provincetown, Massachusetts, Biloxy, Mississippi, go to tignotaro.com. Also, if you like the podcast,

share an episode. Share your favorite episode. Share this episode and help us build this handsome, handsome community. And until next time, keep it. Keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast, what a podcast, what a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.

Some people just know they could save hundreds. hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you have your small notebook with you when you're going on a phone free walk. That way, if you have any deep, interesting thoughts, you can write them down to read later. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. What's up, everybody? And what's up, everybody? I'm back by it. And man, ooh, I got. We got something to tell. Oh, yeah, we definitely do.

Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep, and that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep, guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Brini Brooskey, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter, and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Joney, Joni,

McGreeze and Dender and Dender new episodes release every Wednesday so subscribe to what's our podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms yeah I'm gonna go do it right now