Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #58

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

Tig and Mae chat about beauty routines and how to stay single on a totally fresh Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome Pod. Chatting the friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting the Friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. This is one of your pretty little episodes with two of your pretty little hosts.

me, myself, May Martin, join by? And it's me, yeah, Tignotaro, the other pretty little host. Boy, do we look pretty today, don't we? Yeah, we do, actually, yeah. I just went to the gym, but I mainly went for the sauna. Now, do you work out with makeup on? Because I know makeup is a big part of your life. Do you wear makeup in workouts, and do you wear makeup in the sauna?

Thank you so much for asking. Absolutely. The fans want to know. Yeah, no, I don't wear makeup when I work out. or in the sauna but I do I did put it on to record today just a simple a simple foundation nothing crazy didn't do the boy brow didn't do the lip taint the imaginary clear mascara clear mascara invisible makeup yeah yeah I just I cleaned my face with soap and water well face wash and water and got right on right on the mic did you put moisturizer on after or no yeah I I

I wash with a face wash and then a moisturizer. I dry my hair. I put my glasses on. The hair's looking good, too. Thank you. It's looking kind of tousled and punk. It's good. Yeah.

Amazing. Yeah. But I know you hydrate from the inside out, and that's partly why I think you don't have to do a lot. There you go. There I am. That is too old. I'm hydrating from the inside out.

I love that. Mm-hmm. Listen, it's no secret. especially when you see me in person the aging process is going on and and it is as they say it's an honor to age um when my mother was dying people commented even when she was in a in a coma like god she has such great skin wow that's oh to have that be your legacy i want that yeah yeah and so i'm hoping i can skate by with um a simple face wash and moisturizer yeah and pull off what my mother did so both of our mothers are very i recently saw my parents in

toronto and uh my mom came out to an event and someone commented oh you look like may's sister we will be dining off that for weeks and months yeah she really does it's crazy yeah that's incredible yeah she did tell me my suit looked like pajamas but that's okay and be fair did they you know isn't that the style or did it isn't it these days like people are We're wearing these baggy, boxy suits, and I thought, I thought that would be me. But I did look a little, like a little boy in his dad's suit. But, you know, that's still a good look. That's a charming look, yeah.

Did you ever sneak in and put your dad's suit on or any of his clothes? No, I don't think I did. I just stole his cigarettes. Does he still smoke? He doesn't, except sometimes I think maybe he, sometimes I'll go out for a cigarette and my mom will say, James, do you want to go have a cigarette with May? And it's like being given the option means he goes, no, I'm good. But I'm never going to smoke again. I got to quit. Wait, you're never going to smoke again? Got to quit smoking. Did you quit? Yeah, I quit all through my 20s and then started

in the pandemic. And then I go periods where I don't smoke. But it's like, are you not smoking right now? No, I am. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't talk about it much on the pod because it's like I really want to quit. more I talk about it, the more I don't quit. But, mm-hmm, yeah. Do you want to try my process? I know I've shared it. What's yours? Just don't smoke or?

No, I smoked, I inhaled swisher sweets cigars. Oh, fuck, and that's what you were like, my body says no. Well, I inhaled swisher sweets. Did I not tell you this? It rings a bell. Like, yeah. Yeah, so I inhaled swisher sweets while drinking peach sweets while drinking peach flavored beer. Oh, Christ. And I made myself so sick to my stomach that lasted. Like, I got,

I got drunk on peach flavored beer while inhaling swisher sweets. And so I was hung over. I was throwing up. It was so disgusting. Maybe we'll do it on the pod. Like, I'll, we'll record and I'll get some swisher sweets and some peach beer. Thomas, put it on the list. Yeah, we'll watch me. just ruin myself. I would love that. Not for you to be ruined, but... To watch that process. Yeah, I would.

Yeah, I would. It was so disgusting. And, um, but I'm, I, I quit at 25 saying, I don't want to be 50 saying I wish I had quit at 25. Yeah. And that gross combo got me here. My parents quit at around 40. And so I got, I got two years or a year and a half.

Mm-hmm. But yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, take I got stuck in an elevator. Oh, May. I know. And I thought of you, I got into this elevator in New York. Okay. I was staying on the 45th floor. May, Marie. Yeah. And it was right, like the hotel's right next to Central Park and it's late at night and I get in the elevator right before the doors closed, this Russian, like oligarch, like this really rich Russian guy gets in with his wife. They're obviously fighting. It's tense. And we go up. up to the 45th floor and we stop at 44 but and the doors are closed like there's like a and it stops and so I'm like and I press the door open button nothing happens oh a few minutes go by then I press again and the doors open an inch and then stop and we're between floors and we're on in this old hotel and I go ho ho this is scary and the Russian guy no hesitation goes actually

it's not and stops starts pressing the buttons and somehow fixes it and we go to the next floor, but his... How did he fix it? I need to know this because... He just went nuts on the buttons. He did everything you're not supposed to do. He just pressed, like, door closed, then pressed 45 again, then pressed lobby, then...

But I love how he was like, actually, it's not scary. Let me write this down. Yeah. So it's 45 door close. Did he also push the firefighter hat? No, I've always wanted to push that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Does that just alert firefighters right away? I guess. I don't know what it does, May. But I wish you had called me, even if I was asleep. That is a phone call. Even if you were stuck for just, you know, 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah. TIG, I don't know what to do.

Were you scared or concerned? Oh, yeah. Like really scared? Or were you a little like, whoa, what's happening? I thought, well, first I thought, okay, this is going to be. 10 minutes or something. Then I thought... And did that sound like a short amount?

10 minutes? No, long, long. Okay, good. Okay. But then it was when I remembered how high up we were and that like if we just plummeted, what would happen. But there was something reassuring about this guy being like, no, this is not scary. And it felt like he'd killed a man.

Like, he'd seen a lot and this was nothing to him. But his wife was so mad at him. It was just a tense moment. Did she not come around and feel like, oh, you're my hero? Like, did she not come through the anger? She didn't speak a word through this whole process. And I felt like she was embarrassed of him when he said it's not scary because it clearly was. And how old was he? 40. Okay. Yeah. I pictured him like white-haired. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, it wasn't, you know, in the end, not much of a story except actually it's not scary.

Well, it could have been quite a story. You know what? It is a story enough because if I was in there, I would have been in a complete spiral. Yeah. Yeah. Once it's happened to you once, like, and you being stuck in that bathroom, you're like, I know how this could go. And this could be my whole day. And what is the level of panic you felt from one to ten? I started at like a six or a seven. Like, I instantly went there and then luckily it quickly resolved, but I was getting ready to go up to a ten. I don't know what that would have looked like. That's what my next question was going to be is, what is May at a 10 in a 45-story stuck elevator? I think it would have been making some phone calls,

calling the, you know, the Secretary of Defense or something. Like, I would have been like, let's go to the top with this and get this resolved. Do you really want to go to the Secretary of Defense in this administration? No, no, I don't. They probably say it was a trans elevator. And be fair, you know, third of it was. Yeah, you're right. You're right. They'd be like, yeah, this checks out. Yeah, this actually, you're right. It's a, it's one-third trans elevator. Well, I'm glad you made it through safely. Me too, because otherwise I wouldn't be here with you getting ready to listen to some questions. Oh, well, that's a really great segue. Speaking of trans, should we transition into questions? Famously, trans people are amazing at transitions. Yeah. Yeah, so let's do it. Let's do it. Hello, my name is B, and I have two moms. And one of

them, the one that I actually call Mare, she really likes the handsome pod. And so she told me I had to listen to it. And so I've started listening to the handsome pod and I'm making my way through. And so my question for you is, what is something that your parents got you into? Thanks. Imagine if that was Max or Finn calling. How amazing that her mother is called Mare. That's so cool.

I love that. I know. And that mare listens to the pod. That's so cool. Hello to Mare and all of the other Mairs. Yes, all the two mom families. I have mine definitely, and it's funny girl with Barbara Streisand. And I guess I was eight or nine or ten, and I was like any time my mom would suggest

something, I would instinctively want to hate it or not watch it because it was like a constant. Like I was having to watch like dead man walking and these like, you know, easy rider, these 1970s movies that she wanted to show me. And so I was like, funny girl, I don't know. And then when I finally watched it, I was like, oh my God. Like this woman is, I mean, it blew my mind. I was so obsessed with funny girl. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was satisfying for her. And then I would listen to like the vinyl of Barbara Streisand live in Central Park. I think it is. She does a show. I think she smoked a joint on stage. It was like Babs? Yeah, Babs rebellious period.

So Babs was that for me. Stephanie and I went and saw Babs in recent years and didn't feel terribly rebellious. No, now very much. It's so like it's, I mean, I don't know what it was back then, but it's definitely like a a scripted performance. Yeah. Like she really has, you know, a script. Yeah, yeah.

It's like it's um yeah but it was it was so so great she Stephanie posted a clip years ago after we went of at the end of some song that Bab sing she ends it with you bet your ass oh yeah oh my god yes so good we just looked at each other and we were like oh oh my god I love that she scripted that too oh my god and it's like now that I'm saying it I should end my show. Like, after my closer, I should be like, you bet your ass! And then just walk off stage. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance

is smart. Unfortunately, not checking your mail on a regular basis is not smart. You don't want to miss the one super special handwritten card amidst all the junk mail and bills. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. That's great. My mother loved Barbara Streisand as well.

Really? Oh my God. The guilty album. And when you said, Funny Girl, I immediately thought of how obsessed with Gilda Radnor my mother was. And we were just raped. on Gilda but I would say the thing that when I say because I naturally loved Gilda Radner you know like that wasn't like she got me into it yeah into her but I would say what my mother got me into that I wasn't necessarily into deeply as a small child was Willie Nelson oh nice yes my mother and my father's mother loved and lived by Willie Nelson. Really? I mean, Willie, Willie, Willie.

And yeah, Willie doesn't feel like that he would naturally attract like a child audience. Like, you'd have to be introduced to him. Yeah, I mean, my brother and I would go on road trips, you know, they were big in our mind when we were little, to go from like the, this. one town where our family lived to another town that was like two or three hours away and we'd go on a road trip and we'd listen to On the Road again, you know, and just sing along and that was fun. But like to really get into the songs and the albums. And I remember when

I was in fourth grade, my mother got me Willie Nelson's Redheaded Stranger album. And I was like, I don't want this. And she was like, all right, well, then I'll keep it. Um, but. But yeah, I would say Willie Nelson. That's like, grade four is around the age where like, let's say there's like a school presentation where you have to do like a lip sync and kids are not trying to be cool yet. So they're coming in with these weird things that their parents got them into. Like, yeah, I think I did a lip sync to hair that the musical, like one of this. And it was just so purely just that my parents had got me into it.

Or like, I can imagine you talking about Willie Nelson at school. Yes. Yeah. for sure. All right. Well, I want to hear B's answer. Yeah. What did Mayor teach B? To answer my own question, aside from the handsome pod, and if I'm staying on the theme of queer media, it would probably be Allison Bechdel. Thanks. Allison Bechdel. Is that like the Bechdel test? Yeah, and she is the, she did Fun Home, and then also she wrote the Dykes to Look Out for. Love that. When was that? I first came across it in, like, the early 90s.

Thomas, can you tell me? Oh, yeah. Thomas is sending us these notes, too, that are correct. Fun Home and Dykes to watch out for. She's amazing. Did you see Fun Home? No. What is a movie? It is the most gorgeous, perfect play.

Really? And musical that has ever existed. What? What? Yes. And it is about Allison's life. Okay. I feel like I've referenced it on here. Dikes to watch out for it. Is that just a list? It's, well, it's a comic strip. Oh. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah. I'll check that out. Well, good job to Bees Mare. Yes. Excellent stuff to be introduced to, especially handsome. Max and Finn are probably introducing you to stuff that, like, you didn't know you were going to be into baseball and,

you know, magic cards and stuff. I didn't know I was going to be into Kendrick Lamar. Oh, yeah. Kendrick Lamar, yeah. Or Eminem. I mean, like, I, we, that's, and Blink 182. Mm, God, they're good. I never paid much attention to Blink 182. Yeah.

And now, every morning. No way. Oh, between Kendrick, Eminem, and Blink 182, that's what we pick up and drop Max and Finn off to. That's so funny. We pull up to those tunes pumping out of our window. Have you heard the song Miss You by Blink 182? Because you got Mark Hoppice who sings kind of like a normal man.

And then whenever it's Tom, what's his name, Tom DeLong's verse, he comes in. And on that song, it's such a beautiful song. And then he comes in and goes, where are you? The angel from my nightmares. I cannot sleep. I cannot dream tonight. That's great. That's really good, man.

Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, that's in our rotation as well. Love it. Should we hear another question? Yes, we should. That's why we're here. Hey, Handsoms. This is Angela from Columbus, Ohio. I need some advice. I am recently single out of a seven-year relationship. And I am really needing to stay single for a while to work on myself and figure out more about who I am and what I want in the future. So what are some things that have helped you

in the past stay motivated to get through a time where you just needed to spend more time with yourself. Thank you. Love you. Great question. What has kept me motivated? What has kept us motivated to like reconnect with yourself? It sounds like maybe she's aware in her self of a tendency to get into another relationship or feel like, um, like defined by being in a relationship and wants to build a, I mean, look, she's speaking about language. I am really, I relate. Um, you got to go to the woods. You got to get your life coach. Yeah. Load up an Uber. Get your clear mascara and get out to the woods. No, I think like reading and and talking to friends, find your single friends and go on little friend vacations.

And it is just willpower, isn't it? Yeah. And I guess like if you really picture yourself older down the road, not making those changes and not making the shifts that you need to make to attract, you have to be a completely different person. you have to make those deep changes and everything you have been doing that isn't working has to change

for the change that you want to see and it's the changes that you're doing privately and quietly that you're not promoting or posting or blabbing about it's just like

really deep quiet changes like where you're really challenging yourself you're you're not racing challenging competing anybody other than yourself of like I got to make this shift yeah and you have to track your shift and make sure you're still staying on course because it's not fun yeah it's it's uncomfortable and so often we like when we do take care of ourselves it's it's either for someone else or like you got like I was feeling sad a few weeks ago and kind of rocked and then I was like fuck I got a I got a week of press coming up so I've got to sleep I got to eat I just don't have time to fall apart and so I really did good and I like I went to the gym and I was sleeping and then it's like

but I shouldn't need that week on the horizon to motivate that like I I should be able to care for myself like care for myself the way I would for someone else and like feel worth that care, you know. I also think it's really, it's such a bumper sticker, but it's true of like take your own advice. Yeah. It's really good to take your own advice. It helps me. You mean like the way you would talk to a friend, talk to your, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like should I call that person? Should I? It's like, no. No, absolutely not. Or should I move on from this business venture that is proving to be difficult or doesn't bring me joy or doesn't really celebrate the arts or you know like where my insides are are telling me this doesn't this yeah this isn't the road

that leads to happiness like true joy and then you've ripped the band-aid off and it's but then there's freedom there and when you're going in a whole new direction yeah because you've you've been down that path. You've already gone, you know what's down that road. It's an old road. You know so well. Yeah. And it has not ever, time and time again, led to anything. Yeah. And also, don't beat yourself up if you have little relapses or you, you know, like, you also have to, you just got out of a seven-year relationship, like you will have to grieve that. And it's okay to be a mess for a little while and just rely on your, like you don't have to instantly be like, okay action and self-care and I'm going to like you know that stuff will come it sounds like she

knows exactly what she wants and I also want to just throw in it also can make you feel so good if you help out other people yes whether it's delivering food to homeless people or um whether it's visiting animal shelters yeah whatever it is that is really really healing and gives you a much bigger picture on life yeah Angela didn't send an answer but good luck Angela yes we're thinking about you yes we are or we were for this period of time and and we do really love hearing I mean it's such a joy to do the questions of our listeners I mean it's a joy to do our regular episodes but I just I I'm always so curious what our listeners have to say.

Me too. If you want to, please submit questions and advice request to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. Please. Yeah. And in the meantime. Yeah. Keep it.

Pretty handsome. Pretty handsome. Hansom is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at. handsome pod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod what a what podcast what a podcast that was a hate gum podcast checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart unfortunately not checking all your

ingredients when baking a cake is not smart accidentally substituting salt for sugar is not going to be a crowd pleaser at this weekend's birthday party. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.