Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #62

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

Tig and Fortune give advice to a listener looking for her first kiss and reminisce about Hallowe'ens of yore on a spectacularly spooky Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. You know it's smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know it's not smart? Not checking the volume on your car before playing music. You wanted to listen to that new pop album on the way to work. You didn't want your ears to get blasted with guitars louder than a construction site. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundred. you're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability all state north american insurance company and affiliates northbrook illinois handsome pot chatting with friends on the handsome pot chatin the friends on the handsome pot pretty little episode welcome to the handsome pod's pretty little episode i'm fortune fiendster And I am Tignotaro, and we stumbled over each other, didn't we? That's all right.

That's what we do. We don't want it to be too clean. No, and it's not. We've managed to keep it not so clean. Mm-hmm. I see you have your gavel. I do. I have my gavel.

This is a real gavel. What's engraved on it? It says, Colonel Tignotaro, because an auction. auctioneer taught me how to, well, he tried to teach me how to auction, and I did my best. And it wasn't very good, but he still, he had this made for me. Yeah, I think I remember that with you and Sarah Paulson giggling about being an auctioneer. I've made, yes, there is a very fun video. If you're listening, go track it down for my old podcast. Don't ask Tig. Look up Sarah Paulson and it's, I think it's a very end of the episode and we just go completely sideways.

It's pretty funny. It's so fun. But, yeah. And you're, uh, you're in your new house, fortune. I am. I've had a busy week to, um, just getting everything moved. And I'm finally out of the old house for the most part, aside from things that will divvy up when that house sells. But, um, my, my personal stuff.

stuff's moved. But now I'm just trying to figure out where I put everything. I just like, because I've been filming too, so I just threw everything in like drawers and closets. And now I'm trying to unravel all that. Did you have Packers or did you do it all yourself? No, I did it all myself. Yeah. I had movers move obviously the furniture. Yeah. But I've never hired Packers in all my years of moving, yeah. I highly recommend. Really? Yes.

Oh, my God, yes. I told you I got 30,000 steps the day of my move. I don't know if I caught that. Oh, maybe I didn't tell you guys, but yeah, it was like the equivalent of like 16 miles. Because I did it all by myself with the movers. Yeah. I just, you know, I spent a couple of.

days just like filling my car up and driving back and forth and then the day of the move was just like going constantly back and forth and then with them and then doing stuff all around that yeah i was pooped yeah but yeah packers might have been the move one million percent especially a full house like you have like that's that's insanity yeah yeah So, well, it's done now. Okay. I went to the store today and got, I'm just kind of starting over. I got like, Ziploc bags and foil and, like, laundry detergent and dishwashing soap.

And wait, that stuff you left at the old house. Mm-hmm. Why? I think Jags will be, I don't know what her plan is, but she might be staying there until. Oh, I see. But I'm not exactly sure. And she needs her foil. Well, I just figured I'd just start new.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Get all that sort of basic stuff. All the old foil memories out and all the new foil memories in. That's right. Yeah. Well, I stand by how exciting to be starting anew. Yeah. Do you have everything figured out of like,

This room is this. And how many bedrooms is it? Three, well, technically four bedrooms, but this one I'm using as an office. So I'll have two guest bedrooms. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Nice.

But it's a much smaller house than what I had, which I wanted. Yeah. It's one story, which is so nice when you forget something. You just poop into the next room. There it is. Boop, boop, boop. It's a manageable house for a lady. living by herself. A pretty little lady. Pretty little lady living by herself. Have you met your

neighbors? I met one neighbor. She was very nice. I have not met anyone else, but I've also barely been here. And was your neighbor like, are you from the handsome podcast? She did not, but maybe she was thinking it. And then when you said you got 16,000 steps in one day, do you clock your thousand steps? Oh, 30,000. Where did I get 16? 16 miles. Oh, okay. All right. I thought that was a little weird that I pulled that home. I don't know if I lost a single pound. Do you probably gained muscle in those gams? And do you clock your steps every day? It just was on my phone I need to

I can't find my Apple watch I would like to start wearing that again to start tracking my steps because I'd like to be walking on this new show that I'm doing with Will Ferrell he keeps his pedometer in his pocket because we're walking a ton

on the golf courses so I want to start tracking mine but right now I'm just going by my phone so he has one that's not his phone or his Apple Watch? It's just a little risk pedometer. And is it connected to his phone? Probably.

Oh, okay. I was just asking somebody if that exists because I love to track. I didn't know about tracking steps. You know who taught me? Who? Mr. Thomas. Oh, nice.

Yeah, when we were in Toronto years ago, he was like, oh, yeah, the phone. I don't know if you remember that, Thomas, but you're like, oh, yeah, the phone counts steps. And I was like, really? And so it's always interesting to see, especially when you're like traveling in a new city and wandering around. Yeah, you're like 30 steps. Stephanie and I were in Amsterdam one year.

And I think we hit somewhere around there where we had been wandering around forever. And it was outrageous the steps that we took. I don't know. It feels so good when you've done a lot. You're like, yes. I'm kind of bum. Do you have the $10,000 a day goal? Um, that's always the goal, but I don't always hit it. I've, I would be curious if our listeners

know more about this, but I heard recently, you know, it's always been said 10,000, but I heard you're pretty good at 7,000 and above. And you know what I've heard? What? 10,000 should be the least amount. Oh, God. You should do. Well, then I'm in trouble. No, but I'm sure you're right. But also health experts, doctors, whatever, will say, even if you take a 20-minute walk every day, that is something. Just doing something, yeah. Yeah.

Just moving your body. Well, right now I'm moving my body quite a bit. I haven't had time to tread water. Do you have a pool at the new place? A little mini one. Uh-huh. But I think that I haven't tested it out yet, but I think it's just enough room to tread in a,

little circle. Nice. How adorable. I'd love to peek in and see the little lady treading in a circle. I could be wrong. I might get in there and be like, yeah, there's not much treading happening here. But it's pretty small, but honestly, I'm, I kind of like the idea of a much more maintainable. Yeah.

A pool as well. Yeah. Well, sounds like you're all set. And speaking of all set, should we head on into our first question? Let's do it. Let us do it. Hey, handsome pod. My name is Don, and I'm in Portland, Oregon.

And I've been really enjoying you guys so much. I appreciate you very much. Okay, the question that came to me to ask was, what was your favorite Halloween costume growing up and why? Well, you know how I feel about my alf mask. The greatest line of all handsome episodes. Then why was it? Then why did I go out?

Then why was I out? Whatever you said. That would have been high up there for me. I'm trying to. I was not great at putting together Halloween costumes. Were you? No, but my mother was an artist. And so she kind of really got into Halloween.

Like if we wanted to be something, she really got into making it, you know. And I was just talking to my therapist about how, oh, my gosh, I just have to share with you. I took a picture after my stepfather passed away of his phone, the weekly report. And this was when he was alive. Your screen time was down 47% to two minutes a day. He was on his phone. That was his average.

I guess his average was four minutes Yeah But anyway Yeah I was talking to my therapist About how I dressed And maybe I've shared this on here How I dressed as John Travolta And went to a friend's birthday party

And all the girls It was for Greece And all the girls were in poodle skirts And they were crowding around me Wanting to dance And treating me like I was like This cute guy And it was very confusing for me.

But I really liked that. And also, for a few years on and off, I would dress as Dracula. Oh. Yeah. That's a good one. Real girly stuff. Yeah, we were so lazy about it.

We were just like grabbing like something to just put on our heads. And that was it. I don't know why not me or my brothers were like, oh, I'm going to go as this, and I'm going to wear this. And my mom wasn't crafty. So she wasn't like making us anything. So, yeah, we kept it pretty simple in the Feimster house. So would you just be like a sheet over your head and you're a ghost? Oh, yeah.

I did the bare minimum. Uh-huh. Yeah. Which is so funny because now I'm in costumes all the time. Uh-huh. For work. I figured. Not just for fun.

You're just treading around in your tiny pool and a costume. Yeah. You know what smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking if that new restaurant in town is open on a Monday. You're excited to try that new Italian spot, but spaghetti is going to have to wait until you.

Tuesday, even though you drove all the way from your house. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Yeah, now that Max and Finn are a part of my life, Halloween is so over the top,

they're both so into it and I am so nut yeah I mean for years I would just say I'm going I'm when people would say who are you what are you I'd say I'm an aging lesbian and that's the extent of what I put into costumes but yeah I'm more of a Thanksgiving kind of gal I do love some Thanksgiving me too well should we hear should we hear what Dawn's answer answer is. It's going to be alf. It's going to be half. Okay.

And then just to share my favorite Halloween costume was I was an angel. I think I was sixth grade, 11 years old. I got to wear this angel costume with these pretty like wings that had all this glitter on him. But the coolest part was I got to roller skate because I had these like cool white roller skates. Keep in mind this is like the late 70s. And so I was like a roller skating angel. and the reason it was awesome was because I was roller skating and I thought that was cool. All right. Thanks. Keep doing what you're doing. Love you all.

Love you too, Dawn. Yeah, Dawn. That is so not my world, the butterfly wings and sparkles and probably wasn't any of our handsome lives, right? No, yeah. I don't think any of us had any of that sparkles. Although I could see May doing some version of something with wings or something, something, I don't know what it is. But anyway, thanks for your question and your answer, Dawn. And what else we get? Hi, Handsoms.

This is Anna calling from Copenhagen. I have been a fan of yours. I've been a fan of yours. Wow. I've seen Take Life here in Copenhagen a couple of years ago. I am utterly and truly in love with all three of you. Now I have a problem and I desperately need advice. I have been single for about a million-ish years and I have a really hard time connecting with people out in the dating world.

But I recently met someone who I like and who likes me. And I feel like this could actually turn into something. but he has bad breath. I don't know what to do. We have been out a few times now, and I haven't even kissed him because I feel like I just can't as much as I would like to.

Dang. I brought mint to our last dates and kind of ate them obsessively, but I felt too awkward to offer him one. I don't know why, I guess, because it was on my mind that it would be too obvious, why? Yeah.

So how do I discreetly and politely do something about this? I just don't want to give up on a potential connection over something so dumb so I hope you can advise me thank you so much well that is tough

and it's not dumb I will say that because I think it's like the people's scent is so crucial with attraction and you know oftentimes bad breath is you know, dehydration or a bad diet or whatever.

But I don't know what to do about that. I've certainly been in that situation a time or two. What about you, Fortune? I mean, well, definitely I would have started with offering them the mints. Yeah, but that's not a long-term fix. That's one mint in a lifetime. I know. I mean, that's, it's so hard.

hard in the beginning because you're both trying to like, you know, not walk on eggshells, but you're just like, oh, you know, you don't want to like ruffle any feathers. I don't know. I think I would have a hard time being blunt about it, but I feel like you would just be like, would just say it. Me? Yeah. You don't think you would just tell the person?

Your breath stinks? Well, not like that, but just like, I just envision you being like, hey, I just want to, You know, I don't want to make things awkward, but I did, I felt like I should tell you that the, you know, your breath could be better. Your breath could be better. Is that a delicate blow? Yeah, I guess if I try and picture myself, because I struggled with it with people and it made made it hard to kiss them. But what would, if I were... Could she buy a mouthwash?

But you have to have the conversation because he's not, you know, it's probably not that he can't afford mouthwash or he, you know? Yeah. I think you're supposed to also be scraping your tongue. You've really got to hydrate. Yeah. I guess if I was really into, ooh, it's tough. I think she just, I think she just can't date this person.

really because what if this is the one and you just do find a way maybe do you have a therapist um i don't know that i i don't know if i could be with someone full time and like not even be able to get close to them but what if they kicked the the the the the the breath situation i mean i guess if that's i guess that that's what you're faced with right if it's like you either have this uncomfortable conversation or you just don't date this person because looking at this way to lose right yeah yeah because if you say hey i'm not going to see you it's the same as if you tell them and you hurt their feelings and they leave it's the same result yeah so now we've narrowed it down so it's kind of like yeah what do you

have to lose it because the alternative is that you're just not going to date this person and that's the same result yes so i would say it sounds like he's yeah it sounds like he's worth it and And I would just say it as gently as possible. And I don't know what that is because I don't know how you deliver news. But yeah, I would preface it with, I enjoy you so much. I find you so attractive. And I don't know. I don't know how to get to that next part.

Butter him up with compliments first. But truly, to let him, not just compliments, but just to let him know you really do like him. But that you don't know if there's something chemically that's not jiving in his gut. But something stinks. I mean, yeah, it could just be like, you could just preface it with, listen, I want to bring up something a little awkward. You know, just kind of call out the elephant in the room. Yeah, say it's awkward for me. And I hope that you, I hope it lands okay with you because I, I'm only bringing this up because I like you so much.

And I want to be close to you. Yeah. And, you know, I just noticed this. And I don't, you know, I mean, I would probably put it on me like, I'm extra sensitive to this. Yeah. Maybe other people wouldn't care as much, but. I'm extra sensitive to sense. Is there a way?

to like, you know, look into that. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then have a care package full of floss, tongue scravers, mouthwash, toothpaste. Hopefully they're just, I mean, hopefully they're not a person that's just not brushing their teeth. Because to me, that's a sign of, like, what else are they not taking care of? That's rarely the issue. Yeah.

It's usually in your gut. It's something deep in your body that is causing that. Or like I said, dehydration. Yeah. But anyway, well, please keep us posted, Anna. I know. I want to know what happens. I know.

And we wish you the absolute best. Please send us an update. I've never been at Copenhagen, though. I do want to go. You haven't been? No. Oh, it's so beautiful. I've heard.

It's really pretty. I went to an incredible restaurant there. Anyway, send us your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod. And if you like any of our episodes, please share them with a friend and help us build this very handsome community. That's right. Give us five stars if you're up for it. And until next time, what do you say, Fortune? Keep it?

Pretty handsome. hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. You know what smart?

Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know, it's not smart, not checking that you have a bunch of business cards before going to a networking event. Sure, you could manually type your info into someone's phone, but there's something elegant about whipping a card out of your pocket and handing it over to that new potential client. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions and availability, all state North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.