Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #63

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

Tig and Mae discuss growing into your identity and their favorite people to have laughs with on an inspiring and hilarious Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Chatting the friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Hello, it is your dear friend Tignotaro coming straight at you from The Handsome Pod. Pretty Little Episode. I'm sitting here with my co-host. Oh, my God. This is perfect. Yeah, May Martin.

May, are you okay? Yeah, you know what it was? I was going to go into an Ira Glass impersonation, and then I realized that that was a reference to a previous episode and wouldn't work. Nothing on the show makes sense. So why? Why start now trying to make sense? Yes.

I'm May Martin, though, and I'm happy to be here. Happy to see you, TIG. Happy to see you. I have to say I was on a flight coming back to Los Angeles. and when I walked on to the plane, I was greeted. You know how you're kind of like, I don't know if you're like this. I'm in my own world. I'm in my head.

I'm boarding the plane, the flight attendant. He said, welcome, handsome. No way. I love it. Yeah. And I was like, huh? What? And for a split second, I thought, oh, does he think I'm a man?

Or does he think I'm so handsome? he had to tell me or and then um and then i realized by the little twinkle in his eye what was going on i always have that split second in the wild when someone says hey handsome i'm like oh okay and then i think oh right right right right right i know he came up to me also after and he was like i have to say i told my wife you're on this flight and she loves you and so whoever you were i feel like this is going to get back to you because if your wife is so into this show that you know And you're saying that to me, then hello to you both again. Yeah, you're right.

That moment when you get on the plane and you're putting your thing away. And then if there's, I always get stressed if there's someone you know and you're starting like a seven hour flight and you're like, every time I get up to pee, am I going to have to be like, how's your flight going? Okay. Like, you know, you're trapped. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I told you, there was a while there where every time I was on a plane, I was on a plane with Tegan and Sarah. No, that's so funny. I was just like, guys, come on. We need to get a question from them. Yeah, you're right, actually. What else is going on? I'm still really enjoying wandering around my house, singing,

I'm a normal person having a normal life, do a normal things because I'm normal. Sorry, when did that happen? Did I miss that? Maybe I only told Fortune that. maybe I didn't tell either of you that but I'm just really enjoying oh it is such a hit um I can't stop singing it but um I'm just really happy with the changes I've made in my life to allow me more time at home and with my family and um and so yeah I wrote that hit song I'm a normal person doing normal things in my normal life because I'm normal

God, that slaps that. So I'm going to start singing that. I love loading the dishwasher. I love doing laundry. I love folding the cubs, little clothing. I love taking them to school. I just, I love it. Yeah.

That's really satisfying. And in a way, it's like you're casting a spell too. Like you're going, I am normal and I'm doing normal things. And then it becomes so. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to start singing that. It's the finding balance in life and like really, really trying to make changes to make it happen

rather than, because I think I've talked about this, but like for years I would tell people, oh yeah, I'm finding that work-life balance and then I realize one day, no, I'm not. I'm still just taking any job. I'm just like flying off and doing this and that. And then I realized, oh, I have control and I can, I can, I can. decide what I'm going to do for work, how much I'm going to work, and how much I'm going to be home. And it just, it feels really good. And I hope I can maintain this. I really need to do that as well. And also with like having a wayward just to come out, then the immediate next question from

all your agents and everything is like, what's next? And, and, and you start, you know, but you've got to take a minute sometimes. Yes. And what, what are you going to do to take a minute? That's the thing. I'm not like I do I'm my year is filling up so fast and I'm I'm feeling a little panicked about it. So I have to carve out that time for sure because I want to be a normal person doing normal things being normal. Having a normal life because you're normal. You know. Yeah. Going up to Lake Arrowhead in an Uber with my sin. That's normal right. Oh, it's normal for you, May. Yeah, you're right. It's normal for you. Yeah, what about you? You're just, you're doing well. Yeah, I'm doing well. My heart feels good. Being a big TV star.

Well, if I put my phone away, nothing is happening, you know? It all lives on your phone. Mm-hmm. Sometimes I do want to just live in a cottage by a river. I've never done it. So is this a thing in, in Mississippi, river floating, like tubing down a river, where you drag your six-pack in the water behind you in the icy river? I mean, that's happened in Colorado. That's happened. I mean, I don't, unless I'm missing something, I don't remember terribly icy rivers in Mississippi. I've just never floated down a river on a tube with my six-pack of dragging behind me.

I mean, I need to. You take your six-pack everywhere you go, don't you? Hey. What's bringing up Mississippi and rafting and six-packs and stuff? Did I say something about that? I couldn't tell you why that came up or I'm kind of just letting things roll off. You just woke up. Let's be honest.

I woke up about two and a half minutes ago. Yes, you did share that right before we got on here. You just woke up. It's 10.45 in the morning. Well, the mornings are tough for me because I stay awake. But pretty soon we're recording in the evening and I'm excited about that. And also pretty soon we're going to be recording very early in the morning, so I'm hoping to see you there. Yeah, we have an 8 or 8.30 in the morning recording in person.

Oh, fine. I don't have to worry about that for now. And I'll punch myself in so early the night before. Maybe Fortune and I could come over with Thomas and tuck you in. Stop. That's all I've ever wanted is to be tucked in by you too. I want to wake up, May. Oh, my God.

If I wake up in the morning, all three of you are in my room yelling. Mourin'n and fruit. I've wanted to offer a service at a hotel of where you go in and you quietly wake somebody up. And you're like, hey, good morning. You have a Zoom at 10. Does you like breakfast? When you're a kid and your parents wake you up, it's, I would see red because there was no way they could do it that wouldn't annoy me. Even if they're just like, morning, you're like, ugh.

Yeah. And then there's the reverse. I was scared one night, and I went and woke up my stepfather in the middle of the night, scared. Yeah. And he popped up and punched me in the stomach. No. Yes. TIG.

He didn't mean to. He was, like, totally asleep. Oh, my God. I mean, trauma. Trauma. Oh, my God, your little body in ears. Hey, hey. Yeah.

It was like Rick, Rick. It was like probably eight or nine. That is traumatic. How long did it take him to figure out what was going on? And were you both just panicked? I was too young to really understand that he was asleep and startled, you know. You thought he was just wailing on you. I didn't know.

I was just confused. I was so confused because I was so scared. I had gone in for some help. And then I got punched. I am to be, you know, the good news is he wasn't like the most aggressive person. So his punch was not impressive. Right, right. Were you having a nightmare or something? What do you think scared you? I don't know if it was a night. I was, I was very scared as a kid. I was always, yeah, having nightmares. I thought something was under my bed. Somebody's looking in the window. I just, and who knows,

maybe there were people under my bed and looking in the window, but I, I, I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I was very, very surprised. So was he. He was mortified and very apologetic. Um, but I was crying. Oh my God. Holding my stomach. I was always, um, I didn't want to get in trouble for waking. I thought my mom would be angry if I woke her up and she might have been, but so I would go into their room and just stand and stare at them and hope that they would wake up naturally. Because I didn't want to wake them up and say I'm scared. But it's way scarier to wake up and there's just someone standing, staring. Oh, for sure.

Yeah, I would like burn a hole in their faces with my eyeballs. And would it wake them up? Yeah, and then my dad would wake up and... Go over and punch you. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you got candy

for trick-or-treaters. I really don't want to spend another Halloween with all of the lights off in my house to avoid disappointing kids hoping for a sweet treat. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Well, should we get some questions from our... Yeah, let's do it. That's why we're here. Yeah, let's do it. Hi, this is Noah.

I'm a middle schooler from Charlottesville, Virginia. And I was wondering if there was anything that you would tell your younger self about being queer in middle school or any advice you could give to me and my friends who are queer and are trying to navigate middle school. Thank you. Noah. I feel like this is right up your alley, May. Really? Why? Because I didn't realize that I was gay until, you know.

I was probably 20 or something. I was a little older, too. I think my main advice to young people or something that comes up for me a lot is to remind young people because there's so much online out there and there's so much like worrying stuff in the news. And then there's also a lot of community online. And I would just say, just remember that your sexuality is just one small fraction of who you are.

And even though it's totally empowering to like step into it and know yourself in that way, you got so much other stuff going on as well. And it can sometimes, especially if you're having to defend your identity, it can become like an inflated part of who you are. And it's no bigger than any straight persons. You know what I mean? So don't let it stress you out and just know that it can be dynamic and change and be fluid. and life is long and nurture all the other parts of you too, all your interests, all your friendships,

all your, yeah, your school and all kinds of things. But it's just hard if you're constantly having to defend it or you feel under attack, but just it's always dangerous to enshrine the self. Like it becomes a little shell or armor, so just stay loose, stay fluid. I'm going to have to agree with May. And I also, Yeah, and I also hate to sound like a really boring parent, but I just feel like it's so true. And it's that who you are is really a superpower, exactly who you are. And I don't care, gender, sexuality, anything. I really, really am so thankful that I followed my own path and that, um,

I really tried to live as authentic of a life as possible because I really like who I am and I didn't always, but I did follow my gut in life. And I think it's really important. And if people tell you that just being yourself is enough and is very special, I am here to, put some power behind that statement as well because I really believe it. Yeah, and I mean, I feel like in comedy we get that reinforced all the time. Like we learn that, yeah, the most specific things about yourself

are the things that are going to, yeah, connect you with other people and are going to be applauded. And so, yeah, if you can tap into like the most specific things, what are you into? What's your, you know. How you dress. the way you dance, the way you talk, all of those things that, I mean, I remember coming from Mississippi and Texas and moving to New Jersey for a little while. And I didn't know I had an

accent. I shook it off, I think, over the years, but they laughed so hard when I opened my mouth. but it's also it's that endearing part of you like even after everybody's laughing that's you want little characters in your life you want interesting people and i i want that for for my kids i want them to be around every type of person i want them to have a crew of characters around them yes you don't want everyone the same it's so boring it's so boring yeah this there's this bulldozing over all the nuances of people and yeah but that's all the magic is in the weirdness yeah I grew up around a bunch of characters and yeah I'm so thankful to know all of those weirdos oh totally yeah and also just remember middle school is notoriously so intense

and it won't always be this intense so see if you can enjoy the intensity because there'll be a moment later in life where you miss how intense those feelings are and yeah yeah go for it be authentic don't push too hard in any way just be you and have a blast be safe and enjoy it and uh let's get to the next question hi may tig and fortune this is casey calling from salem mass home of the witches i'm so excited i finally thought of a question to ask and it was inspired because i got tickets to The Fortune's show coming up in Boston. It made me wonder, who is your favorite person or people to laugh with and why? Hmm.

Mm-hmm. I feel like I know your answer. Oh, yeah? Who? Is this Stephanie? It is. Yeah, I thought so. Yeah, me.

But also, I have, you know, a crew of friends from my childhood, and it's that deep, deep level of laughter. I mean, yes, Stephanie and I have it to a painful degree of crying, laughing, and I'm so thankful. But I'm equally as thankful for my old friends of decades that they know all the good, the bad, the dirty, the messy, the beauty, all of it. And so those laughs together are so deep and knowing. And that feels incredible, incredible. You build this rich lore as well. Like there's, yeah, every, yeah, I feel the same way. I have my two best friends from when I was 13 and I just saw them in Toronto. And it's like, it doesn't matter. Like my one friend Gabby, her mom's very sick. My other

friend Nicole going through a divorce. I, you know, I'm always in some romantic drama or whatever. And we get together and even the fact that we all are a mess makes us laugh so hard and then and then it i mean we really laugh like that teen hysteria laugh and and make fun of each other and it's so yeah old friends men there's nothing better i mean there's certainly people over the years and comedians that tickle me and i enjoy but yeah that i think Lisa gilroy makes me laugh hard i mean she really makes me laugh hard because we do like improv scenes of uh from like movie tropes

like we did one where because we were sitting by a fire and then we were like imagine this is the romantic scene in the rom-com and and then she goes you're different and I go in a good way and she goes I'm not sure yet and I laughed for like 20 minutes yeah she is very very funny

yeah I had I had a friend And, well, I know I've talked about him a million times. My old roommate, Chris Fairbanks, man. Yeah. He really tickles me. Yeah. And then I had a very close friend, this guy, that we really went in different directions. And so it's compartmentalized in my mind where when I think back on funny things we did, I can laugh so hard.

And I'll be like, man. I can't believe how things changed, you know? But yeah, we're just starting into each other's lives anymore. Yeah, that happens. Yeah, but it makes you grateful for the people that are. Mm-hmm. And yeah, that's major relationship goals and should be a sort of a non-negotiable, I think, is the person you're dating has got to make you laugh.

Or even if they don't make you laugh, if they are connecting. Yeah, but I mean, truly, I think there is nothing. If somebody's not a funny person, I've dated plenty of people that would not be considered funny, but that they have a great sense of humor. And as long as you're laughing and connecting together, who cares who made the joke. But yeah, I need that in a relationship. I need a deep, deep laugh with somebody. Should we hear Casey's answer?

I think we should, May. I'm going to see Fortune with my brother and sister and each of their fiancés. and I love laughing with them because we can be really relaxed with each other. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face every week. Keep it handsome. Casey, thank you. You keep it handsome.

And enjoy Fortune Feemster. I don't know. I feel like we're wrapping up this episode here and people need to know. You got to subscribe. You got to share episodes with friends. You got to help us build this community. You got to go to,

speakpipe.com slash handsome pod and submit your questions. Yeah. You got to. You simply got to. Or you're going to lose us. You don't want to lose us. Yeah. And maybe ask the funniest person in your life, like the person who makes you laugh the most,

ask them to send us a question. I think that's a great idea, May. Yeah. Or send one together with like an old friend from high school. Yeah. May, I'm on your side about this. Thanks. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my God. May, of course. Thanks for sending me back. Thanks for sending in your questions, and I don't know. I would say until next time, keep it pretty handsome. What a podcast, what a podcast, what a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.

You know what's smart? Check in Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking the bathwater before you get in the tub. I love a nice hot. bath, but I don't need to get scalded, so I let it cool for a couple minutes before jumping in. Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms,

conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.