Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #70

Episode Date: December 19, 2025

Tig and Mae chat about freaky fridays, holiday traditions, and play a revealing listener-submitted game on a holly, jolly, Pretty Little Episode! We have a live-streaming show Dec 22, so get your tickets!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. You know it's smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know it's not smart? Not checking for native wildflower options before planting your garden. You're going to be best friends with all of the birds and bees in your area if you plant some of their favorite native habitat. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands. hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, Handsoms. We have a very special live show coming up for the holidays on Monday, December 22nd. Join in the fun and festivities from anywhere in the world by getting your tickets at the link in our social media bio or at dynasty typewriter.com. Your ticket will allow you to stream the show any time for a full week. It's the perfect gift for you and all the handsome folks in your life. It's going to be so fun.

So go to dynasty typewriter.com or follow the link in our bio and get your ticket for our December 22nd show today. Ho, ho, ho. Handsome pot. Chatting to friends on the handsome pod. Chatting to friends on the handsome pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome pod.

This is a pretty little. episode and I'm your cool host, May Martin. Join by? I am not able to keep up with this level of cool, but my name is Tignotaro. Wow, go to YouTube. Very cool. Look, May. Thank you. Where did you get these? Well, my friend Joe is staying in this room right now. I don't know if you can see I pulled out the sofa into bed there and these must be his sunglasses I just saw and they They're stunning. I think you'll agree. And why is he staying in that room on that couch? He's, we're writing a new show.

We're writing, he wrote Feel Good with me, and we're writing a new show, and he's here for two weeks. And every time, he flies all the way from England, and every time I'm like, dude, I am all yours. While you're here, we are going to get stuff done. And then he arrives and I'm like, can we do an escape room? Or I'm like, I got to go to the sauna or something. Sure, sure. He's really patient with me. but man he's a good he's a good boy so you guys are writing a new series together we are yeah

I'm really pumped I think it's he's so fun to write with it's just so rare to find someone who's like totally aligned and you know we don't have any ego with each other we're pretty blunt and it's just trying to make each other laugh and so is this something where this is not a follow up to wayward this is you guys are just going to are you coming up with a script or a pitch We're developing it with someone and we've got to write two scripts and like a whole series Bible. And then I guess at that point they'll tell us if they're going to make it or not. But I hope they will because... They'll make it.

You're the number one star in the universe. You're only as good as your last thing, you know? What if they're like, what is this trash? Well, if you're only as good as your last thing, then you're really good. I'm just pumped that this is a real, like, joke-heavy comedy. I really, I miss being silly like that. How about slip on a banana type stuff or like step on a rake and it comes up, hitch in the face?

Yes, please. Give me all that. I want like your pants accidentally fall down. You know who could write for you? My son, Max. Oh my God. Is he into that kind of purestabstick? Yes, indeed.

Yes. You know what I watched on a plane the other day for the first time? Freaky Friday, the original. Seen it? What year Was that with Lindsay Lohan Jamie Lee Curtis

I didn't see it And they're a mom and daughter And they switch bodies And they just did a sequel But I watched the original And I was like I don't know if I was like High from the Altitude

But I was cry laughing By myself on the plane No I think Stephanie's told me It's a really good movie It's really funny She's like it's really good They're both just Jamie Lee Curtis

Because they swap bodies Is playing a teenager basically and then Lindsay Lohan's playing her mom and they're just both great so funny there's also a 1976 version with Jody Foster no I know I was gonna say yeah I was gonna say I I think I saw I didn't know Joe that was Jody Foster in there does she say like mom this fraudish pretty freaky or something like is that a good Jody Foster no Jody came to come see me in the good light screening no way Yeah, yeah, she's there.

Do you know her? I mean, just I don't know her well. I know her through, I've known her wife forever. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Alex. We got to get Jody to ask a question. Yeah, I wonder if she would. She doesn't strike me as somebody that would do.

She's like, I have all the answers. I don't need to ask any questions. Yeah, I mean, who knows? Maybe she'd be like, yeah, I'll do your circus of a show. But she's so cool. Yeah, really nice person. You've seen The Sons of the Lambs? I haven't.

Really? I mean, I promise. I haven't. I believe you. I just always think about this one scene where she shows up at Buffalo Bill's house. And she has no idea that he's the killer. And he invites her in. And the girl is in the basement.

She has no idea. And just slowly in the kitchen standing talking, Jody Foster and Buffalo Bill, like she realizes. it's him. He realizes that she knows it's him and it's like the tensest scene and then it all explodes. It goes crazy. So make you a little nervous, I guess. It's making me nervous now talking about it. I remember my first girlfriend went and saw that movie and she came over, I don't know who I was house sitting for, but she came over to stay with me for the weekend and she had just seen the movie and she was freaked out. And I had no idea what the movie was about or anything. And I just

remember the whole night being like, here come the lambs. Careful, here come the lambs. And she's shut up. And I was like, careful, there's a lamb behind the door. Oh, my God. I wish it was about lambs. How are you, Tick? Oh, thank you for asking me. I'm doing well. I know you're in Toronto and behind you framed, is that like art of an old bill, like of Canadian money? Yeah, $10.10. That brings back. That's like what money was like when I was a kid and then they turned it all into these weird plastic bills, like plasticie, but, oh man. Those are terrible. I'm sorry, Canada. I don't like your plasticie bills. No.

I understand they're not, you can't rip them and all that kind of stuff, but like. yeah oh well i know i got i got some change the other day a bunch of one dollar bills here and then someone had written like like annabel on on one of the bills and i thought how come that seems like something i would love to do write little messages on all the money and then because it gets circulated out back into the world they didn't write anna bill oh my lord and that's why they pay you the big bucks I have done it again. Speaking of writing on bills, I did a show the other night with a magician. No.

Okay. You don't want to hear the story? I love magic. And was this magician fucking amazing? May. May. I'm delighted. May.

Okay. So Stephanie and I are sitting backstage at my show. Yeah. And it's this charity event. There's a magician. And of course, it's like, it's a real. little crapshoot with a magician. You never know.

He's like, okay, I'm going to hand, he's sitting on one side of the table, we're sitting on the other. He said, I'm going to hand you, or no, he said, pick a, you know, classic pick a card, any card. Yeah. I pick a card. He said, okay, here is a marker, a permanent marker, sign your name on the card. I was like, all right. And he said, now, this is insane.

Oh, my God. Put it back in the stack. Yeah. I was like, great. He shuffles it. He's like, all right. Now, that wallet that's sitting in the middle of the table? No.

I was like, yeah, and he said, you haven't touched it. Neither of you have touched it, right? I was like, right? Like, I didn't even notice the, I saw it, but I didn't pay any attention to it. He was like, and I didn't touch it, right? And I was like, right. He was like, okay, you want to open it? So I open it, it has two snaps on it.

And behind, you know where you put your license in a, where there's a plastic cover? You put your license in there? My card was in there signed. No. Yes, yes. I was like, I am so sick and tired of your bullshit. I need you to step away from me, sir. Oh, my God.

I could not believe. And then he told Stephanie to pick a card, which she did. Uh-huh. He said, what was your card? And she was like, you know, a diamond, an aid of diamonds or whatever. Yeah. And he was like, are you more partial to the diamond or the eight? Interesting.

And she was like, uh, the diamond. And he was like, okay. And then she said, no, the eight. I want you both May and Thomas to look at me when I tell you this we were sitting on the other side of the table from him and she he said look at your hand her physical hand yes I have goosebumps right now you can't if you could there was with that permanent marker and eight written on the inside of her hand

what I it did it was always of this all night long. Oh, my God. That's why I kept yelling at him. I am sick and tired of your bullshit. Oh, my God. May, your brain would ooze out of your ears. This man, this man. But also the fact that Stephanie pivoted, she went Diamond. Actually, eight. Oh, my fucking God. Also, okay, because the card thing, I'm like, did he know your signature? And he'd put it there before. But how would he know what card you chose? This is... Too powerful and dangerous.

Exactly my point. He needs to be arrested. Yeah, holy shit. One of the best magicians I've ever seen in my life. You've got to give me the name and I'm going to look this guy up. Magic Mike. No. Imagine how powerful you'd feel, but also the pressure, if you get it slightly wrong in front of all those people.

Wow. Well, I can't believe. You just telling me about it felt, I felt like I was being astonished by magic. He's, he's mind-blowing. I think I'm going to have him do one of my Largo shows. Yeah, you have to. Well, should we get into our question, see what people have to... What would you do if it was from the magician?

I wouldn't doubt it. I would not doubt it if I walked into my closet or bedroom here in Toronto and that he's there. Yeah. You know what? smart. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know, it's not smart, not checking that there are enough seats in the car before a road trip. You forgot to count your cousin Mark. Now it looks like you're going to need a second vehicle for everyone to get to Grandpa's house. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you

hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability, all state North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Well, hit us, Thomas. Who do we got? Hi, handsome. This is Clata from Brazil. And this is a question for the day when May is around because it involves games.

So the game I want to propose is that you tell your life story. in one minute. So you've got to time yourselves one minute and you tell you a life story. Wow. Okay, I like it. Should we do it? Sure, you go first. Okay.

You got a timer, Thomas? You tell me when. Oh, my God. And maybe do a countdown five for it with your fingers when it's getting to the end. And then we'll have to cram in the end. Yeah. Okay, I'll put it on screen so you can see it and it'll go off. Okay. Yeah. So tell me when you're ready, May. Okay, I'm ready. Now? Okay. Okay. 1984. I was born. My name is May Martin. I was born to Wendy and James in Scarborough General Hospital. I was so premature. And then I grew up a very needy child but confused. And then I went to school, dropped out of school, got loved doing drugs, then kicked out of my house and moved to England. I got engaged once. then also got engaged a second time, but then also generally happy doing comedy. I never had any dogs that I owned.

What was happening? I got tattoos, allergic to coconut, did a podcast called Handsome. Wait, I'm done, and I got 25 seconds left. I went to Shiazza Massage School, got a diploma that was back in the day. And then now I am living in the house and my friends are around. And there were moments in life that were hard. Overall, things always work out for the best, and I believe in Mother Nature to see me through. Wow.

What a life. What a life. That was really depressing. I only needed 40 seconds, and then I was struggling to fill the last 20. Yeah, that's good, though. Think about all the moments in between that I've lost. Nothing happened in between those moments. That was it. You've lived 40 seconds.

Oh, man. God, our little personal stories, do you want to do yours, take? Yeah. I'll do mine. Great. All right. One, two, three, go. On March 24th, 1971, Matt Thiel O'Callaghan Notaro was born. Did I say Jackson, Mississippi? That's where I was born. And then my parents split up and I moved with my mother and my brother. down to Paschristian, Mississippi, where we lived until my mother and stepfather met and got married and moved us to Texas, where I wet my pants until way too long and had a greasy bowl haircut. It was still popular, though, very well liked. I was smoking the whole time,

sitting in trees and what have you, and skateboarding around the neighborhood. We had 12 cats and a dog, and I failed every grade I ever touched. We lived in New Jersey. for a couple of years. I dropped out of high school, moved to Colorado. Ten seconds loved. Life of my own out there. Met my first girlfriend, came out of the closet. And then moved to Los Angeles with my childhood friends and got in a stand-up. Met Stephanie and had Max and Finn. Whoa. See, that was good. Also, I had cancer.

Yeah, wait, we missed some big chunks. Read my book. It's called Just a Purpose. That was fun. Thank you so much, Clara. Yeah, thank you. No answer from her, from Brazil, right? Yeah, but I would like to hear her minute-long life story. That would be good. Yeah.

Why didn't she give that to us? That's a good game, though. That's like when you meet people for the first time, that's a good game to play. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. Yeah, what else? Who else have we got? What else and who else?

Yeah. Next up. Hey, handsome. Stuff from Vermont. I'm curious about traditions. they could be holiday related or anything your families have traditionally done that maybe they hope to hand down through future generations. I'm big on traditions and then my mom's always trying to scramble them up and do something different, which I also admire as a quality. But I really

like your classic Christmas meal. And my mom's often like, this year we're having elk sausages and bok choy. And you're like, oh, okay. But one tradition is. we play poker and uh and drink wine that's always your whole family all four of you yeah yeah and then there's always the the tradition that my dad has of if you see the new moon through glass then you have to go outside with a coin in your hand bow to the moon three times say good evening lady moon and turn the coin over in your hand now that is a very um i don't know um pagan no it reminds me of Ozzy Osbourne song, Bark at the Moon. Oh, yeah.

You said bow to the moon. Yeah, yeah. Do you know Bark at the Moon, Ozzy's song? I know that phrase, but no, I don't know. It's just funny to think of him singing, bow to the moon. And like with his crazy Ozzy, bow to the moon. Yeah, a lot of that comes. My grandma had a lot of strange traditions and superstitions and stuff that my dad has

passed on. What about you? We have a lot of traditions, and Max and Finn love traditions. Yeah. I think it helps the world make sense to kids. Yeah. And it just creates comfort and safety feelings, and there's so many, Finn is so sentimental. And there's so many times that he's like, I'm going to do this with my kids.

And when I'm a dad, I'm going to. Huh? He has such dad energy already. I can't think of specific things that I mean I know I've talked about this before but like on Christmas Eve we have vegan gumbo and then we have it for the days following and I've mentioned that Nana comes in town and we have our little tree trimming party with her where we get the tree ready and put on some tunes and have our oat nog and what have you. Yeah. It's just little, like, your tig bits are almost traditions. It's like little turns of phrase that you say as a family, you know what I mean? Like in my family, if you ever say, like, I used to say, I don't go outside. And my dad would say, who's Ina? Or like, if I said, surely not, he'd say, don't call me Shirley. Oh, yes, yes. Did you ever see the airplane movie? Yes, yes. So good. Yeah. I'm forgetting her name, who is so funny. from the airplane movies and I saw her at the airport and I was in a movie with her but before

I was in a movie with her I was like oh my gosh I can't believe I'm seeing her at the airport but of course oh Julie Haggerty that's her name before I was in that movie I was thinking oh my gosh I can't believe I'm seeing her at an airport and then I thought but gosh anytime she's at an airport people can't believe they're seeing her at an airport. Yeah. And she also feels like she could play Maria Bamford's mother. Oh, really? Okay, yeah.

I know exactly the type then. Yes, yes. But yeah, I think we have just traditions, you know, even just little things. Like after Max and Finn's practices, you know, basketball, baseball, they like to go to this place called Burger Lounge that has a really good vegan burger. and that's just kind of a little thing that we do. Yeah, nice. Should we hear Steph's answer? Let's do it.

Given the timing, I will share a holiday one. Around the time that I was born, we were renovating my old family farmhouse when my grandmother came upon a lump of coal without telling anyone she wrapped it along with a bunch of other gag gifts and she distributed all of them to everyone on Christmas Eve at the family dinner.

She set out all these rules about how many swaps you could do before you open your mystery gift. But then whoever ultimately unwrapped the Cole had to do the job the following year. TIG, when I hear you talk about your mom, I often hear the spirit of my grandmother in your stories. Thank you so much for your joyful contributions to our world. Our family is navigating some challenging stuff right now in your episodes lift me up twice a week. Something I'm really grateful for. Oh, my gosh. Oh, Steph.

I love that. Yeah. that was so touching and meaningful and yeah i'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough spot yeah glad we can brighten it up a bit hang in there kid yeah oh god holiday seasons tough for a lot of people but also you find your little bits of magic i can't get over that i'm going to google that magician right away i'll get you his name please he's really something and this was lovely and please keep submitting your questions go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod also don't forget we have a live streaming holly bob's show this monday december 22nd it's so rare the three of us can all get together

and we're going to party and have the best time so go to the ticket link in our social media bio or dynasty typewriter dot com to get your ticket and and be prepared to see me crunk yes Yeah, girl, I am going to be crook. Yes, I'm going to bring some sweet liqueur, some Christmassy liqueure. Love it. And until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod. What a podcast, what a podcast, what a podcast. That was a hit gum podcast. You know it's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know it's not smart? Not checking the oven when you're baking a new pie recipe.

The apple pie was looking so good, but now it's a little more crispy than you intended it to be. Yeah, check in first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.