Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #73

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

Mae and Fortune try to pull off something cool, talk about Mae's new wheels, and muse about the Olympics on a gold medal-worthy Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello. On the Handsome Pods. Pretty little episode. I'm Fortune Feemster. I'm May Martin. Hello. Hello, May. I don't know if you want to start off the bat with this, but but we also have a special guest today. Oh, my God, this is huge. It's Biggie Bear. It's Biggie Boy.

Go to YouTube. Look at this angel who's back in your arms. He's the best. I haven't seen him for a little bit. And we're reunited and it feels so good. What was the reunion like? He was, since it's been a minute, he kind of out of sight, out of mind kind of guy.

Not going to lie. Not going to pretend. In his heart. But he was like that when we would like take him to like a sitter or something. Right. Whoever's feeding him has his heart, you know? But as soon as I got home with him, he was like running around and like cumping my arm. Right.

Yeah. I'm like, he's back, baby. He's back. And he's horny. Well, I can't wait to see him hopefully soon. I know he, like, snuggled up to me. He's the best, like, cuddle buddy to sleep with. Yeah, he is.

I bet. But he just, like, snugs up against you real sweet. Yeah, and I always, people ask me about Biggie a lot. Oh, really? All the time. And I always say, you know, he's more solid than you'd expect. His little legs, like, you can hug him. He's like, yeah, he's not a fragile.

He's nine pounds, but he's a sturdy boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is getting older, though. He only has four teeth now. Oh, my God. Is it two on top, two on the bottom? Yeah, his like little, the long, pointy ones. Those are the only ones he has.

Oh, man, it would be bad if it was like three on top, one on the bottom. It's so weird to look into his mouth because he used to, this has only been in the last, like, year and a half that he started losing all his teeth. We had to get some pulled, but I guess it's like common with Pomeranians. And he's 11 or 12 now. We're not sure. Yeah. He's older. It's crazy that we lose our teeth as a kid and then again when we're old.

But he's full of spunk. Oh, debatable. He's not dead eyes. You stop. No, he's not. I've never thought he was. There's always been a twinkle. He's like like Santa Claus.

Take him suck it. He's not dead eyes. I have my friend Joe visiting from England, and so I've put this bed, this sofa that is always in the background, it pulls out into a beautiful bed. And it's so nice to have my buddy here. Oh, that's great. You've got a full house. You got your house guests in the back. Yep.

And I got here. And I saw that you have a new car. I mean, this is huge. This is, you know, on the main pod, I'm sure by now we will have talked about. it but yeah we are currently recording like a week after I got my my car and I don't even have my license yet I and I wasn't able to test drive it because my I'd have someone else test drive it because yeah yeah you need insurance but I can drive with a with a licensed California driver in the car oh okay so now I'm I'm driving every day I drove today to the reservoir walked around doesn't it feel more

like you have more independence it's like such a confidence booster. I feel so much happier. I love it because you were like loading groceries and I'm like, look at that. That would be such a pain in the ass in an Uber. It's, I know. But I do have to, I didn't realize I like narrate as I drive to like soothe myself. So I'm going, well, I'm approaching a red light and and behind me, it's, you know, it's, it's his problem to slow down because I'm focusing ahead. And these rules are in place to keep us safe. Like I really have to, but I went on for my lesson to I went on the highway half an hour there and then half an hour back. So I'm getting more confident.

I can't wait to drive you somewhere. I love that you're starting the new year, new you, new bar, new license. Fucking get rid of the year of the snake. Bring on the year of the horse. It's a new year for you, baby. Yeah, I'm really into the year of the horse. Yeah. And I'm right.

Do we know anything about what that means? You're the horse? Yeah, it's like forward motion, stability, purpose. This year was all about like shedding and the darkness and yeah. And I guess big dicks, because horses have big dicks. Okay. I'm reading that into it. And I'm going to be getting some B.

Oh, my God. Well, New Year, New Year. It's going to be. scan forward and upward moments. Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah. Do you think I should put stickers on my car that say like new driver? I mean, I, listen, people have a different opinion of this.

And some of our handsome listeners, you know, they might have our own handsome sticker on their car. Yeah. I don't put stickers on my car usually because I'm doing a lease. Yeah, I'm doing a lease. and I don't know how tough it is to get stickers off. That's a really good point. Yeah, that's true. Okay, yeah.

My mom's old car had stickers all over the back of it. And I was like, really? I don't know about it. Yeah, okay, I'm going to keep it. But it's going to be my little world, my little pod. I can't wait. I'm going to like, I got to hang something from the mirror. Well, yeah, you can hang something from the mirror.

It might be easier if you put a sticker on the window part. That might come off easier. That's true. Baby on board or something. Baby on board. Baby's first car. Yeah. Or year of the horse.

I think there is a sticker that says something like new driver. Yeah. Be careful or something. Oh, but in L.A. That would incite their rage. They'd be like, get out of the way. Yeah, the amount of times I've been honked at, like, when I'm in the driving school is like, learner vehicle that's covered in driving school, learner.

And just because I'm not going above the speed limit, people are, rant, right. People are very impatient. They really are. You're going to be great. I love this for you. I'm very, very happy for this next big step. Well, I mean, by the time this comes out,

hopefully I'll have my license. I've really talked it up so much that I have to just say I'm getting my license. If I fail, I'm going to be really bummed. I think you will because now you have a car in your mode and you see how nice it is to be able to do things for yourself in this way. I think it will motivate you. Yeah, I can drive people around. But one thing I cannot tolerate and will never have is any music in the car. Really? No, I can't have that. No, no, no. I cannot think of any, I don't want any noise going on. Pretty much. Yeah, I need silence. Well, you're going to get more comfortable driving and then your next phase will be getting so comfortable that you can take someone on a date. Oh my lord and drop them off and have that moment

where the car pulls up and you stop and you're sitting well this is me and I go well yeah I remember I remember back in the day in my early 30s one of my favorite things to do would be to go on dates and smooch in the car after oh it's the best it's the best a car smooch is really nice I even have that feeling when a friend drops me off somewhere and they, and it's nighttime after dinner and they drop me off and the car stops outside of my house, there's like a pregnant pause and I'm like, it feels like we should kiss. It's just the most, now your friends are like, why haven't you kissed me if you were thinking about it?

Why don't you just do it? I know. Listen, should we hear what our listeners want to know and what they need? Do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Hello, handsome. My name's Mariana.

I'm a first-time caller, forever listener. I'm from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, and I will see May when they're here to perform their stand-up. May, I think you'll find, as you know, Ottawa is better than Toronto. Recently, you guys were talking, and TIG said that she walks around without a lid on her coffee. And May said, isn't it super bold and cool when people dare to wander around with their kitchen mug? And I thought, oh God, I have never felt better about myself because May thinks I'm super cool. So my question is, what's something that you think is so cool and bold and confident when other people do it, but you can't pull it off of yourself? Oh, I have a list of mile long.

Thank you for that question. And I do stand by that. Anyone who takes their home coffee mug out into the world, like in their car or walking around, very cool. Yeah. For me, it's winking. like a confident casual wink like I can't pull it off at all Can you do it?

Yeah I mean I mean you physically can I could do it but you know My whole face moves with it Same yeah But people who are really good at a little twinkly wink that everyone else misses you know

I think when I do it without thinking I can do a proper one But like when I start thinking about it I'm like Yeah yeah That was good that one Then also people who, like, instead of passing you something, throw it. Like, throw the keys or, like, throw you an apple to eat.

But it's cool because it assumes that you're going to, you're cool enough to catch it. And it's just confident. I'm thinking about Aladdin, really. In Aladdin. You're not confident enough to throw anything at someone? I would never presume that they would catch it. And, yeah, no. Or, yeah.

What about you? I've seen a lot of women wearing like really baggy jeans and pants lately. Yeah. I don't know that I can pull that off. I think you can, but I know what you mean. It feels. It feels like I'm already bigger built. So like to then add a bunch of extra fabric just seems like too much.

And people, they're so wide the pants people are wearing now. But that is cool. Like you'll see Paul. It was cool. It was cool. And a lot of people. Yeah. But I don't think I can pull it all.

I think you could like wide jeans and then a tighter tea. See, I can't rock a tighter tea. That's where I want the loose extra fabric is in the tea. Okay. Then, then yeah, a structured pant. Yeah, I like a structured pant. And also with my gams, why am I going to, you know, highlight those? Come on. Exactly.

Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that's, I'm sure there's a lot of things where I'm like, oh, that's so cool, but I can never do it. You know what I could never do? but I don't think it's cool. Vaping. I just can't. I know that,

because I still smoke occasionally and I know I shouldn't. And everyone's like, why don't you try vaping? I just can't. I can't do it. It's too in the big cloud. No,

is it as addictive? I don't really know the science behind all of it. Is it as addictive as smoking? Well, it's got nicotine in it. Yeah. Right.

I think it just is meant to not have like the tar and stuff and it doesn't smell bad after. But we're going to find out that it's, evil. Yeah. I have no desire to bait, but I don't have any desire to smoke either. No, but you often like will mime a cigarette. I like to pretend that I'm an old-fashioned broad from the Broadway. In New York City, just smoking a cigarette. Timothy, did you get the alterations done?

Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Yeah. You know, that kind of thing. Yes. I do love that. It suits you. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you've got the right supplies when you're trying to paint a landscape. On the other hand, is quite regretful. You wanted to capture a beautiful seascape, but you forgot the blue paint at home. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. But that was a good question. No, that was a good thing. Marianna, I'll see you. That was a good thing.

That was a good thing. I'll see you in Ottawa, Mariana. Let's hear Mariana's answer. Well, my answer is, for me, it's jumpsuits, a one-piece outfit, some kind of onesie that's super classy or super professional. On a good day, I'm like five foot tall, and I really can't pull those off. I feel just absolutely ridiculous, but I think women in particular or non-binary folks who wear something like that are just the coolest.

I agree. I think I could get into overalls. I think in a kind of like, farm boy, fetch me that picture. And then I could be like the farm boy. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. But it is good.

A one piece is very cool. Yeah, for sure. I cannot pull that off. Should we hear one more? Yeah, let's do. Let's do. Let's start. Hi, handsome pod.

This is Kate from Connecticut. And my question is, do you prefer the summer or winter Olympics, seeing as the winter Olympics are coming up soon? And further, is there an Olympic sport that you could see each other really excelling at? Great question. I love the Olympics. You do? I love it.

I am more of a summer gal, though. Mm-hmm. I get very excited about it. I watch the opening ceremony. I'm super into it. I feel very into like rooting the teams on. Winter Olympics, I do. I will watch some of them because I want to support the, these athletes.

They work so hard to get to this point. But I'm not a winter sport gal. Yeah. I'm more of the summer. I love the like, I love to watch gymnastics. I love to watch swimming. Which is weird because I don't watch any of this, any other time. Yeah.

I'll watch. of track and field I'll watch soccer tennis I love it there's so many good things yeah I agree I'm I'm a summer guy but I don't really watch it but I do love the opening ceremonies like the one in England

where the queen Matt James Bond that was great and yeah and I like I like kayaking and things that Canada's good at I like and then winter sports I don't know I get so those skiers doing the flips it's so insane

yeah I don't know imagine your your country of Canada does very well in the winter sports that's like where they shine right do we Thomas yeah Canada is always in the top like three or so countries in the winter

Olympics yeah because you guys are a wintry have a big winters big winters I should get into it then because it's I mean I'm still recovering from the World Series and I'd like to see Canada win something so maybe some skiing.

Yeah, I think you would be very good fortune at Olympic. Olympic Is there something, I'm trying to think about your games and is there something like, you know how dressage with horses where they kind of trot and prance? And if you were just trotting and prancing

with your... I could trot and prance. I was thinking I would be a ballroom dancer with short shorts. Is that in the Olympics? Gotta be. Probably not. Yeah. I love watching figure skating, though, I will say.

Figure skating's fun. Oh, my God. I like a floor routine in gymnastics with the ribbons. I would like to do that. Yeah. I could see you curling. Thank you. You're welcome.

I'll take it. If there was like an Olympic sport for, like, apologizing for not being able to come to something. that would be you that would be me yeah yeah curling I would like or yeah

there's a documentary that my friend made a documentary comedy series called I Have Nothing that's in Canada it's on Crave and it's on peacock everywhere else

and it's about her trying to choreograph an Olympic level Paris figure skating routine but she's never skated or danced and it's her crazy dream and I'm in it and it's I really recommend it if you like winter

sports. Yeah. L.A.'s going to be hosting the Olympics. I know. And what is it? 27? 20, 28. 28. But, you know, every city that hosts it freaks out, because they're never ready for it. No, there's no public transport in this city.

Yeah. And then everyone shits on that city during the Olympics. Like, they really did, like, well, we just had Paris and everyone was like, oh, the housing's awful. The food's so bad. I know. And I just learned to drive and I'm going to be on the roads during the Olympics here. They got a lot of work to do to get ready. They're still, I mean, they've been doing things trying to like get things prepared already. But I feel like they're behind. We got a lot of work to do to get ready for those Olympics. We got to start training in our

top dancing, prancing, and curling. We have to get ready for the Oscars and the Olympics. I know. Surely we'll be. featured in the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I'll be shocked. We'll run through the city with the torch, the Olympic torch, right? Oh my God, how good would that be? Or like descend on wires into the stadium. I mean, I will say that they have to do some sort of like Hollywood stunt person type. Yeah. Oh, it'll be Tom Cruise. It's got to be electric, you know. Yeah, we need pyrotechnics. We need Katie Perry, we need all of it. We need Katie Perry.

We definitely must have Katie Perry. I think I take that back, actually. And Justin Trudeau. Maybe they'll still be together by then. Yeah, who knows? I'm rude. And he'll be holding a sign that says your legacy will be great. Yeah.

And she'll wink at him confidently and throw an apple. Well, I think it's fun. I love all these I love all these athletes from all over the world who've trained their booties off and this is their time to shine. I'm like,

get your money, get your campaigns, get your sponsorships. This is your time, baby. You worked hard. This is your moment. I like seeing the human body push to its limits.

Yeah. And I know when I'm watching it, I can't do what they're doing. Yeah, same. Unless it would be like, what is it called? with the bow and arrow. Archery?

Archery. I would love archery. Really? You think you'd be good? I think didn't Gina Davis become an archerist? Is that the word? Yeah. I think I could do decent, but it would take a lot of practice.

You know, it's crazy? We watched the Olympics and we're like, God, I respect. I could never do that. Comedy is so different. After every show, someone's going, you should have done this, someone in the audience, or an Uber driver saying, yeah, you should talk about this. I feel like everyone thinks, I'll do it.

Right. Does that sound bitter? Well, let's hear Kate's answer. My answer is I prefer the Winter Olympics slightly because I love snow and the skiing and figure skating and all that is so impressive. And I really think Fortune and TIG would be pretty good at Waterpullo considering all the treading you've been doing. And May might have an innate Canadian ability to excel at ice hockey or curling. Anyway, I'm really excited this spring. I'm going to see May on tour. It'll be my first ever comedy

show. TIG, your Connecticut show was sold out. I shouldn't be surprised. And Fortune just saw Zootopia too. You crushed it. Love the pod. Keep it handsome. Thank you, Kate. Keep it handsome, Kate. Well, it's always a treat to chat with you, my friend. And to hear from our lovely listeners. Yeah, I love that both those people said they were coming to my tour show. That's so amazing. I know. Are you excited for it? You're getting pumped for this tour? I am and I'm writing feverishly. Yeah, I am getting pumped. I really like when people online tag us and that they've bought a ticket to all three of our shows. That's so amazing. And they're doing it like, I checked off the trifecta, like we're Pokemon. They're collecting and I really like that.

Well, it is nice that people support us so much. Yeah. What do you got coming up? I'm just doing some stand-up right now. I'm in Atlanta tonight doing a show there. And then coming up, have Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, a bunch of shows, Bayetteville, Arkansas, Little Rock, San Diego, Oklahoma City. What about you?

I'm just gearing up for my tour, which starts end of February. So check out maymartin.net and I'm going to 35 cities in North America and that's my main vibe right now. So check that out. I love it. I love it. And I guess other than that, all that remains is to keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsome pod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you read that article your mom emailed

you before calling her on the phone. Ill advised. No mom. I didn't read that very long article you sent me, but I promise I'll check it out as soon as we're done chatting. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.