Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #76

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Mae and Fortune create custom license plates and name their biggest strengths and weaknesses on a high octane PRTYLILEP!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you put your slippers next to the bed before going to sleep. Very sad times. I love waking up and remembering that my feet don't have to touch the cold floor. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome pod. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome pod.

This is a pretty little episode. I'm your pretty little host. May Martin, joined by your pretty little host, Fortune Feinster. And hello. And hello, my friend. Good to see you. Good to see you in your baby blue. Zip up.

Listen, I don't want you to get too attracted to me because my eyes be popping. They really are popping. When I wear blue, may? Yeah. I'm the same. People tell me I should wear blue.

That's the color. It's a good color. I like blue and I like green because it makes my eyes pop. Yeah. What color are your eyes? They're blue. Do you remember in the Princess Bride? She says,

his eyes were like the sea before a storm. Oh. Anyway, I always think about it. romantic. I wish someone said that about me. Are you into people's eyes? Is that a thing, you know, some people are just like, they're really eye people. I mean, no. I struggle with eye contact. But I mean, I like eyes. I like eyes.

But my main thing is hands. I like people's hands. And I notice that right away. I like hands too. Yeah, hands are pretty crucial. I love on a lady too, especially that like a strong hand, but has like kind of feminine nail with the good scratchies. Oh, you like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little scratchy nail. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just think the way people use their hands when they talk, too, is like, it says a lot about them. But also do you think, you know, gay people, especially us, look at hands a little bit more? Right, because they're an important tool.

They're important to what we're doing around. here. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. So maybe we notice them more. I look at hands as if it's looking at cleavage. Like I really, yeah.

Interesting. What's going on? I'm about to start a new movie. Yeah. I'm gearing up for that. So it's going to be a crazy, busy couple months. But I'm very excited because it's the first movie I've had a starring roll in. That's massive, dude. Yeah, so it's going to be a lot of work. It's going to be long days

and a lot of memorizing every day. There's not much, me and the gals I'm doing it with are in like every scene, but like five. Right. So it's going to be a lot of quick turnarounds of, oh, I had, I filmed all day and now I got to memorize. Yeah. For tomorrow, but it'll be good. And do you, are you, do you do any kind of prep for your performance? Do you have like an acting coach you check in with or anything? Not for this one just because it's a big broad comedy. And they, I know the writer, Paula Pell, very funny S&L writer for many years and very funny actress as well.

Paula wrote it with her wife, Janine, Brito, and they are super talented. So I, the part feels very in my willhouse. so I would kind of be going to an acting coach to learn how to do it myself how I would as myself. It's a lesbian character, quite a shock.

But yeah, I feel pretty confident with this one of grasping the vibe here. Yeah, great. I'm excited for you. I just want it to be a very good camaraderie among the four girls. It's all about the four of us. So hopefully we just like get comfortable and I want it to be silly and fun.

Yeah, because that'll make you more funny if you're trying to make each other laugh. And yeah, who were the four again? Are you like to say? Yeah, Nikki Glazer, Kim Kardashian and Bring the Song. That's insane. This is insane. That's right. That's right.

Oh, my God. Skin care tips from. Yeah, you are. Maybe my skims too. Do you think we're going to get a question from Kim? You got two months in almost every scene. I got to fill it out. I got to fill it out first before I go in hot for a question.

Yeah, you're right. You got to bide your time. I don't know, like, how, you know, with people that famous, I never know how guarded they are with stuff. I mean, you know, because when you approach someone about a question, if they're not familiar with the pod, you just go, hey, you want me on my pod and you can see people's faces going like, oh, God,

another podcast. Yeah. What you need is an ally like Nikki Glazer to say, Oh, Kim, did you know Fortune does a podcast? And it's so easy to do because you just send in like a two second question. Yeah, because Nikki did a question for us. She did. And I saw at the Globes, Nikki was like, y'all's podcast is huge. And I was like, yeah, people love it. It's awesome. But if someone's not familiar with it and you go, hey, you want to do a question and they're like, oh, God. Because those of you that don't know, every person in the world in this business has been asked to a podcast a thousand times over. Yeah, I remember hearing that Sarah Silverman at her annual parties, there was a sign on the door that was like, no asking people to be

on your podcast. Yeah, which I really respect. Yeah, because you just get cornered by everybody, especially comedians, because it's like you know, you know, know people just from the clubs and you want to help them out. And then you're like, oh, gosh, there's just no time in the day to do all these podcasts. So then you're like, no, it literally is like 90 seconds. I promise it's easy. Then they get more relaxed about it. Well, I have faith in you. I think we can make it happen. If you can get Arnold, you can get Kim. I know. That was a good one. Arnold. I got to get Will at some point as well. Will Ferrell, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Well, I'm excited for you about that. How are things going with you? Things are good. Yeah, things are pretty good.

I'm, uh, what's going on? I'm just writing, trying to write my, my stand-up show. I still, it's still called the possum. I still have no material about possums. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, but I'm, I'm researching, I'm writing. And, uh, my friend Joe's coming back to L.A. soon to start working a new TV show where we're developing. So yeah, that's good. But, yeah, I'm in a bit of a fallow period. Okay. In a nice way. That's good. And your tour starts when? And of January. Okay. So this is the period of time where you can just breathe a little bit.

Yeah. And I'm really, it's like sinking in because I get, my like social battery gets low. Like I, and it's sinking in like being on the tour bus for two weeks where you're doing like two shows a night sometimes and doing the meet and greets after. I'm like, okay, how am I going to really, yeah, be robust in my energy? I got to make sure I'm sleeping. Yeah. Are you excited about the bus part of it? Yeah, because I love the movie Spice World.

And that's how I imagine it'll be. Yeah. For sure. I love it. Who will go with you? Anyone? Sometimes Atlanta Johnston, our friend is going to come and do some improv with me. And my friend Matt, who lives in the backhouse, I have to stop introducing him like that.

Matt, my friend, he's going to come and do some improv with me. So I'm like old, old friends. Maybe Lisa will come for a couple of shows. Awesome. I'm going to do the show, the stand-up show, and then do a bit of improv with a friend every time. So that'll be good. Well, I love this, my friend.

Yeah, thanks. I guess I'll be podcasting from the bus. Probably. I don't know how I'm going to have to get a really good internet, Thomas. We're going to have to get that. Y'all, y'all will discuss. We'll keep it going and keep it handsome on the road. Hell, yeah, we will.

So, shall we get a question? Yes, please. Hi, Handsome. This is Hannah calling from Michigan. Question for you. My best friend and I have been sending each other custom license plates, people's vanity plates for about a year now. And we send about two a day to each other.

They're everywhere. And people are crazy with what they put on their license plate. Sidebar is that I met this friend and I was in 10th grade. She was in ninth grade, failed ninth grade English and had to take it again. So we ended up in the same class and we've been friends for 15 years. And I think Tig, you maybe have a similar story. It's how you met on one of your best friends. So cheers to being screw-ups, I guess.

Anyhow, what would your license plate be? I have some ideas for you all, but I want to hear what you think. Ooh. Well, we just talked about. I know you just mentioned that, yeah. That my license plate is currently a full sentence. Which I feel like you are into that. That's perfect for you.

Yeah. I don't want to draw too much attention to myself. on the roads because I'm not the most confident driver yet, so I wouldn't have like a really funny one. Would you, would you ever have like... Yeah, I don't think that would ever do a personalized one. You wouldn't have peanut butter bitch? No, peanut butter bitch is tempting.

Yeah. So hopefully one of our listeners will figure that one out. It would be like PB, BT, C, or something like that. Yeah. Or what about gams for girls? Gams for girls? Babes. Yeah, something about my gams.

But if I had to pick one, I mean, I'm not going to, but if I had to have one, yeah, it would be like something about the Golden Girls. Which, by the way, mate, you know, we were trying to decide. I know you and Jake had not seen the Golden Girls, but we were trying to decide who was who. And I had thought I would be Sassy Blanche, who was the, you know, the slut. And people were like, no, hit your rose. You're the, like, silly, goofy, May's Blanche. And I was like, you're actually right. May is Blanche.

Okay. Not that you're a slut, but you're the one that's making the spicy moves. And I'm just like, you know, buttholes and cooters, you know. But, you know, you can be whichever golden girl you want. This is your fantasy. True, true. You can be blanche. So my license plate would be something about, like, you know, keep it golden or

you know, because it'll play on Keep It Handsome. Oh, okay, that's good. Or maybe just Handsome for the license plate. Yeah, Handsome is good. And if the regular way of spelling it's taken, S-U-M. Handsome, yeah, that's good. Yeah, I would have like a little cowboy type one, maybe, but I don't know. I think I, oh, I don't know.

I don't know if I could do it. Yeah. It would be like, just please don't honk. Yeah. Please. New Drive. I want to hear what Hannah thinks we should get. Oh, I think yours should say nude driver.

Nude driver. That would be good. Yeah, that's strong. And for me, mine would probably be L-O-L-L-O-O-O-UPS. You know, it might be O, it might be zeros. They might be a Z in there. But something along those lines. I think that would be funny.

That's good. And then for you all, TIG, D-M-T-T-Z, Fortune, sorry, this is for Biggie. Dead Eyes, D-E-D, E-Y, Easy. May, Little Cowboy, L-I-L-C-W-B-Y. Okay, love you all. Bye. That's good.

Dead eyes, my boy's full of life. Your license way being dead eyes is pretty great. Biggie's not driving this car. Yeah, true. And also his eyes are gorgeous. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you make room for your family pets when settling in for movie night,

ain't gonna fly. If my dog's not on the couch with me, he's gonna stare at me with a really sad face until we find him a spot. Yeah, check him first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Should we get another question? Let's do it. Thanks for that one, Hannah. I like that. Yeah, thanks, Hannah. Hey, Handsoms. This is Zoe from almost Canada, northwest Washington. I'm inspired to reach out today listening to May's journey with driving. I too was a later in life driver who had a really big struggle with it. And I remember when

I did my first test, I was in my like mid-20s. And when I failed miserably, the instructor handed me my paper and was like, go bring this to your parents. And I just, I went to the nearest bathroom and just like balled my eyes out so I really feel you there and so my question today is what is one thing that you really struggle with even you know that other people seem to just get easily and what is something that you get easily but other people struggle with all right love you all have a good podcast how do you end this okay great question yeah some of you struggle with that other people find easy. I would say math,

which by extension means money now. Like I still, like buying this house, I would get like a lump in my throat trying to understand everything, the mortgage and the property taxes. Like I just shut off and sort of panic. I don't know.

I don't, I bury my head in the sin. And some people are just gifted with money and with math. And I just absolutely can't. do it. Yeah. And it makes me panic.

What about you? Well, if it gives you any hope, I was terrible at math. And it was the, because I was a good student that made good grades just because I worked really hard. And math was the one subject that I just was constantly having to stay after school for and like help with the teacher. Like I really had a hard time with it. My brain just didn't wrap its head around it. Not that I still understand money completely, but it is something. you can get better at in time.

And just by practice of buying a house, like you did, buy a house and certain bills or, you know, running your own business, you will learn things about it as you go. And having people in your life who are very good at it kind of give you guidance. You'll learn as they do that stuff as well. Okay. It can be learned. Yeah. But I hear you.

It is a, it is a, um, intimidating oral. It is intimidating. Yeah. Yeah, it is. One thing I'm, I find easier

that other people struggle with maybe is, is like, I think I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to like doing a drawing or making a song or something. So, because I think everybody's creative,

but sometimes people are just afraid of not, not being good enough or not finishing it or not getting it right. And I think I'm pretty good at just like laying down a shitty drawing and being like, that's what it, you know what I mean? Like I'm not, I don't get paralyzed

by the kind of blank page. So I think I'm good at just like doing a creative thing and even if it's not great. And that's half the battle. Do you find it easy to, with songmaking as well? Yeah, because it's, it's, you just have to start with something and then, and then it, and then you whittle it down. You make it better and better each time. Yeah. And yeah. So I'm, I think I'm pretty good at just like vomiting up like a rough draft of something creative. And then trusting that by the time it's done, it'll be good. Yeah. Yeah.

What about you? What are you not good at that other people are good at? I mean, I would have said math as well. Math is a tougher one for me. Like even just like, you know, fractions have to think about for a second. Yeah. percentages. Percentages, yeah.

I'm always like, ugh. But you're so good with money, though. You're not afraid of it. I am good with money just because I've seen a lot of people in my life make a lot of mistakes with it. So I think it comes from a place of just trying to not make those same mistakes. Yeah. Foreign languages don't come as easy to me. Like I lived in Spain for a year and, you know, learned enough.

But anybody else that has spent that much time there, I think would have come away better at speaking it than me. Right. Like I can still, you know, understand. and stuff and say certain things, but I felt very limited in my skill set with languages. And some people just are so naturally gifted at those. Yeah. That they can like pick it up super easy.

I think I'm the same. It's hard to, it's hard. Yeah. But I think the same brain that does math is a little languages maybe too. That makes sense. Yeah. The one thing I think that's always come fairly easy for me is writing. It's not necessarily my.

favorite thing to do because it feels like homework and I have to do it a lot. And I never thought as an adult. I would have to be like going to like coffee shops to do work. As if you're like a student. Like on a deadline. Yeah. But like writing scripts or writing stand up, writing, you know, TV shows, whatever it is. It is like homework. It is like having a paper due by whatever deadline. You You know that feeling as well. Yeah, that sounds similar to like, it's about just doing it, right? Like, it's similar to what I'm saying about. Like that, you know, that thing, the only difference between a writer and a non-writer is a writer writes.

It's like everybody is a creative person. It's just, can you make yourself sit down and do it? And yeah, it sounds like you. Just discipline, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like you've got that. But like I've always been just naturally, like in ninth grade, we had to do like a, not ninth grade, 10th grade, we had to do like a North Carolina, like, writing prompt where you don't know the thing and they're like, write about this. And then it's sent into the state and you're like graded on it.

Yeah. I, um, like I had not at that point had, we had not really had writing classes. I just wanted to see where you're starting. And I was like one of a handful of people that got like the highest score in the state. And I was like, what? Do you remember what the prompt was? I want to say it was like about the Iliad or something like at that time in the English class that we were studying. That's so nice and encouraging at that age to be like, whoa. Well, it was this like secret gift that I didn't even know it was like a thing. It was like, oh, I can, I guess I can write. So I've just always been able to figure out writing.

That's right. And so one day I'd like to maybe, I just get so busy that, the, idea of adding more to my plate is like, ugh, but everyone's like, when are you writing a book? And I would like to delve into that one day, but I just, again, it feels like homework. Yeah. So it's not something I've been antsy to undertake, but it would feel like such an accomplishment to do it. So maybe, maybe one of these days. Yeah, I feel the same. I wrote a book about sexuality for, it was for teens.

So it was, it was easier to write because you had to write it up. a level that like 11 year olds could get into, but I'd like to write a book one day too. So you'd write like an autobiography or like a fiction? Yeah, it feels like I need more life and more stories under my belt for. And also the hard thing is when you're a stand-up, my whole stand-up act is an autobiography. So I'm giving that to you every special I put out. So then when it comes to like writing a book, you're like, well, I've told a lot of these. stories or like if I'm writing it for a book that story would probably be good for stand-up.

It feels redundant. And there's something about putting stuff in writing that I worry about the people and the stories and the people in my life. And there's a lot of stories I'd love to tell that I feel like out of respect. I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I think in time, maybe down the road, if that makes sense, that would be a good thing to do. Well, why don't I ghost write your autobiography. and you ghostwrite mine. And we just see, we see what we come up with. And you're not allowed to ask me any further questions. It's just based on, it's based on what you're very incomplete.

Well, you can fill in the blanks with just fiction. Well, yeah, you're going to know that I'm going to have a lot of follow questions to certain things that you're known for being good at. I'm going to write your autobiography for sure. It's called cooters. Cooters and Hooters. Coters and Hooters.

Well, that was a lovely time spent with you. It sure was. Well, I'm glad we got to answer some questions. It's always fun to hear from people. So if you have any questions for us or any advice, we're into that as well. Yeah. You can submit your questions and request for advice to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. Yeah, you can.

And yeah, check out. what we're up to live, come see us live and tell us your questions then as well. Yeah, it comes to a Valentine's Day with me. If anyone's known for love, it's me. So you should be with me February 14th at the beacon in New York City. That's so nice. Yeah. It's going to be romantic.

Yeah. Yeah, you might meet some. Go if you're single. That's right. There's going to be a whole room full of people. And I'm sure they're going to be plenty of singles there. So come. Yeah.

Come see me on February 11th at Largo in LA. I'm doing like a sort of preview of my tour show because I don't have any LA dates on the tour. So if you want to see what I'm going to say, and I got to figure it out before then, come there and then check out maymartin. For all the rest of the tour dates, I'm coming to so many cities I've never been to in America. And I want to know what the good escape rooms are, what the good coffee shops are. And I want to meet everybody. Heck yeah. Go do it.

Well, we appreciate you guys. deeply. Until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social

media at handsome pod. What a what podcast! What a podcast! That was a hit gum podcast. Checking all State First could save you hundreds on car insurance, and that's smart. Not checking that your pinata is full of candy before letting the kids have at it. On the other hand, you're about to be contending with a pack of disappointed 10-year-olds. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.