Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #78

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

Tig and Mae play a game with a grape, do a little kissing and telling, and give some hairstyling advice (giiiirl) on today's Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that your e-bike is charged before your Sunday ride. That's trouble. When that thing doesn't have any juice, it just becomes a really heavy version of a regular bike. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American. an insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hansome Pot. Chatting the friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the Pretty Little Episode. It's me, your friend Tignotaro is in here with... May Martin. Yes, it is. Yes, yes, yes. is, is, yes. May. TIG. How is your driving obsession?

When do you leave for tour? Oh my God. Do you have any romantic updates? Just give me everything. Girl. I've been driving around the town. Today I went and drove. Picking up chicks.

Picking them chicks everywhere. Yeah. I got a coffee today. Drove parked there. Drove right up onto the curb. I was trying to park. Like full. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's going well. Did you yell? I'm new here. New here. Out of the window? No, I haven't, haven't yelled anything out a window yet. Have you done that?

This is new for me. Um, have I, well, I think I told you I used to do pranks where I would like pull up to cool hot spots for people who are eating outside. No. And I would have all my windows down and I would act like it. And I'd play a really cheesy song and I'd take. like 10 million attempts at parallel parking with my windows down. Just to entertain yourself? Yeah. Well, oftentimes I'd have a friend like hidden in the back seat. That's really low down. And then I would act like I can't get my car into the spot and then we just drive away. But like, you know that song all by myself?

Yeah. Yeah, that kind of thing. Oh, God, that's good. Yeah. Just silly stuff. I wish more like big celebrities, pranks. Like that would be so fun. if someone purposefully did something that would attract people to film it and paparazzi.

And it was... Now, for you to say you wish more big celebrities, that implies that you think I'm a big celebrity. You did this like before you were recognizable or recently? Yeah, yeah, it was before I was recognizable. Like, I think you should do it now. I think you should pull up to somewhere you know there's going to be paparazzi and take 20 minutes to park while playing all by myself.

But I guess I need you to, yes or no, do you think I'm a big celebrity? Huge. Huge. That's sarcastic. No, I think it's true. I don't know a single person who doesn't know you. Actually, I take that back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it would kind of be not, well, maybe it would be fun if people recognize me. Because you'd be doing it on purpose. Like, yeah. And I was doing it on purpose back in the day as well. But I just, yeah, it's that kind of sad. I like to look like a fool. Yeah, I know. It's the best.

It's the best. It really is so fun. I played a game that I think you might like yesterday. Hobscotch. Yeah. I thought, TIG would love this. Hobbscotch. So I saw it on some Instagram thing and I got a group of people to do it.

And before they came over, I said, everyone bring an object from your house. And it could be mundane, kind of funnier if it's like totally mundane or it could be bizarre. And then you stand in a circle and you all put a lot of water in your mouth. So you're like like that. And then one by one, you just slowly, without smiling or laughing, produce the object that you've brought and put it in this middle. And the goal is not to laugh and let the water out. And it just gets funny. Like every object becomes hilarious to you. No, I saw it online somewhere and I wanted to try it and it worked and it was like. Yeah, I would enjoy that.

You'd like it. And then the other version, what do people bring? They brought like. Because you know I'm not crazy about games. Yes. Yeah. But that I can get on board with. Yes.

I used to do a podcast with somebody who I don't do a podcast with anymore. And we used to stream episodes where we used to. would like do shots and slap each other in the face and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's not very presidential. But anyway, what are you saying? That's the best. And the second round we did was everybody wrote down a word, any word on a piece of paper and gave it to me. Then everyone puts water in their mouth and I just slowly read through the word. So I'd go, your first word is fart. Your first word F-A-R-T, fart. And then I would go through the words that people would give me. Like, yeah, one was Winnetka one was

Humperdink It just it was fun I recommend it Humperdink what is his name Engelbert Humperding Yes and do you know that's not his real name Yeah It's a stage name

That seems backwards right It really really does Engelbert Humperdink Yeah It feels like Not the name that your record label Would be like We got it

it. We got it. Inglebert Humberdink. I think Elton John's real name is something really, it's like Reginald Dwight. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe we should do that next time we're in the studio. We should do the water, no laughing game. Well, I thought you're going to say maybe we should come up with our stage names. Oh, what would yours be? Hmm. You know, what was that name? There was, one time Stephanie, I asked Stephanie, I said, who is the actress on that one show? And maybe I've said it on the show. But, and Stephanie was like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I said, you know, the show, God, dogg it.

Are you forgetting the name or the, no, you're forgetting all of it right now. I'm forgetting all of it. Yeah. I was asking what the actress's name was. In a show. And the show was. Not what I said, but the crazy leap that I called the show, Stephanie guessed the actual show name.

Let me text her. Text her, text her, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to know. It is the weirdest name. I was like, what, the show, it's called. I have one other game to suggest. It's called the grape game. So I leave the room.

I come back in and you have to guess if there's a grape in my mouth or in one of my hands. Oh, and did you see this online? Actually, we could play around now. What if I don't have a grape in my office? No, I'll do it. Oh, you have grapes? Yeah, I got them for the grape game. But right now?

Oh, you have to go to the kitchen. I'll go to the kitchen. I'll grab a grape. I'll come back in. It's either going to be in my mouth or in one of my hands and I'll show you both hands. I heard you the first time. Okay, I'll be right back. Okay, one sec.

Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that I took off my souvenir rodeo belt before going through airport security. Major error in judgment. All that beeping is going to scare off the cattle. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Oh, Mays back. Mays back. Okay, let's see. I think you have a... I think you have a grape in your mouth. Hmm.

Yeah, I do. You do? Yeah, yeah, I do. I'm pretty good at that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they gave it away that I was just going, hmm. Well, I wondered if you were doing that to throw me off, but you didn't. I almost, I tried to double bluff you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did Stephanie write back? No, but she's writing right now. Oh, I love that, don't you? Mm-hmm, yeah. Dot, dot, dot, dot. Oh, no, no, no. She's writing.

I thought you meant you could see that she was. Oh, but her dot, dot, dot, dot just appeared. It is No She wrote two and a half broke girls Which I did accidentally say You said two and a half broke girls Yeah

No the other Mishap I'm sure she's like yeah Which one? Should we get to a question? Sure Yeah I think we should What if the question from the listener was like

What's the name of that show? God, I don't know She's still writing. Okay, we should wipe this out. Ah. Oh, she wrote? Yeah, I think, um, yes. I said, who is the actress from that show?

And she said, what show? And I said, um, what is it? Becky Pilgrims or something? And then Stephanie was like, the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. And I was like, yes. Becky Pilgrims. Becky Pilgrims. And she guessed the Unbreakful Gimmie Schmidt.

She guessed that. And we choked to death laughing. Becky Pilgrims. Becky Pilgrims. That is what my brain crunch those numbers and spit that out. Can we are on the main up? So we got to tell Fortune that on the main episode. Becky Pilgrims is so good.

Well, and when we write little love notes to each other, we oftentimes sign it Becky Pilgrims. It's a really great character name. It's such a good name, Becky Pilgrims. I can't. She must, you're tapped into the same way with like that she was able to deduce what you know by that. Yes.

And she's like, the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Oh my God. Yes. It's not Becky Pilgrims at all. All. Anyway, yeah, should we get into our question? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Hi, handsome. Hi, May. Hi, Tigg. Hi, Fortune. My name is Jacqueline. I'm from around outside the Boston area. So my question for you all is it's about intimacy. And I am wondering, what is the silliest moment you've had during an intimate moment? Where to begin? I know. Infinite.

The first one that came to mind was one that I've, I think, said on the podcast before where I was dating a very lovely man for about six months in England. And he said, the next time we have sex, I'm going to say a word, really unexpected word during sex. And it's going to make you laugh. And I completely forgot about it. Days went by. And then the next time we were having sex, like, at a really crucial moment where I was, It was like I was in it.

I was like completely serious, you know, earnest. Yeah. And he goes, oh my God, tell me I'm bonkers. Tell me on bonkers. I cried laughing. I could not stop laughing. That is really, really funny. Yeah, he was British too.

Tell me I'm bonkers. What else? I mean, any, do you and Stephanie ever sort of, you're like, semi-joking doing some characters or roleplay-ish. And it's like kind of horny but also mainly funny. And then you, you know what I mean? I'm thinking about the pirate queen that Parv used to do. The pirate queen.

Yeah, I was the cabin boy and she was the pirate queen. Oh, you shared this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. That was a lot of laughing. I would say I've done this a couple of times where I've been, this is way young. younger years. You know, I have germ issues, would never do this again. I was making out, I think

I've done it a couple times with a girl in the bathroom, a public bathroom. Hot. Yeah, real hot in a stall. Yeah. And then looked down and the toilet hadn't been flushed. And then I said, oh, you're in love, meaning urine. That's pretty good. That's urine love. Did she get it right away? Yeah. Well, I pointed out.

I go, oh, you're in love. That's good. I like that. Yeah. Should we hear Jacqueline's answer? Yeah, let's hear it. All right. So my answer is the other day.

I was fooling around with my partner. And I know, Jacqueline Marie. We were fooling around. and I was inspired by TIG, actually. My partner caressed my breasts, and as he squeezed it, I said, I said, I knew that was Kevin. I have never laughed so hard during intimacy before.

That is really funny. Really great. So I wanted to hear what's yours. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Let that be one of your. your legacies for sure, that women across the world are going whenever ever anyone touches her.

Thank you, Jacqueline, and keep up the good work. Yeah. Should we have another question? Indeed. Hello, handsome. I'm Katie, and I'm calling for some advice today from any or all of you. I'm in a local production of the musical Fun Home, and for the role I'm in, I've cut my hair very, very short.

into a pixie cut. And this is the shortest, yeah, this is the shortest my hair has been in like 41 years of life. So I, well, I guess except since I was born, but that doesn't count. Anyway, I would love any of your tips, tricks, or favorite styling products or ways to style short hair. Yeah, thanks so much. I got the answer for you, kid. Leave it dirty, Katie. But you have a germ thing. How does that? I rinse it.

I rinse it. Just with water? Yeah. But if I fly on a plane or I'm like, you know, if my hair touches something, my germ issues remind me all the time. Like you got to get home and wash your hair tonight. Right. Like when I travel on a plane, I don't just come home and get in bed and snuggle in after my head. that has been against the back of that seat.

No, you got to be scrubbed. Yes, yes. And so if I'm just tigging it up and living my life and just shuffling around my neighborhood and my house, you know, or I go out to dinner, anything like that, I'm totally fine. Yeah. And again, it's hard to make any sense of like what's gross and what's not to a germaphone. Right, right. But yeah, like washing your hair once a week is really the way to go. And you can put a little bit of product, like some sort of wax or something in there.

But that I feel like can last you the whole week. I've really wanted to. Yeah, I've wanted to try this. I just, I shower so much. I'm like, well, twice a day. But really? Twice a day and I'm washing my hair. Twice a day you wash it?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my skin's very dry now. And better than I used to be like, I mean, I probably had a touch of the old germaphobe or something when I was, I used to wash my face, like sometimes 14 times a day. Like it was a little. Never 15. Never cross over. Because that would be weird. Yeah, that's too much. Yeah, but I've gotten a lot better. And I don't wash my face between showers now. But yeah, like two showers at hand. I'm washing my hair every time. So I want to get to a place where I try that. no washing for a week because I know it's healthier like that it the natural oils everyone tells me about the natural oil well and less product in your hair is better for um you know eliminating some toxins yeah so much is absorbed through your head really yeah yeah and your brain's right there yeah your old brain i use kevin murphy night rider that's the the product i use but also it's funny to me whenever, usually if I meet straight people of a certain age, they'll go, I love your pixie cut. And I'm like, when does it become a pixie? Like it is so not a pixie cut to me. It's just short

hair. Yeah. It's funny. Yeah. Like, would you say we have pixie cuts? I think some people in their 60s and 70s and over think we have pixie cuts. Right. Or Katie, I guess, maybe is used to A more femme presentation. Who knows with Katie? You know what I mean, me? You never know with Katie. You never know. Yeah.

Never know. It always is strange to me when I'm out and about and someone is usually sizing me up, like trying to figure me out or I'm in the bathroom or something. And they go, I like your hair or something. And then you're like, okay, yeah. And I always go, yeah, I like yours too. But it's like them saying that is them saying. What is going on here?

Yeah. Like your pixie cut. Like your pixie cut, yeah. Well, thank you, Katie and Jacqueline. And please keep on sending in those questions. Yes. Yes, yes. We love hearing from you.

I really like that. I can't do it. You really can't. That was awful. That was really bad. I wish I had to. That's good. That's good.

That's good. submit your questions, your advice request to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod. And come see me on tour. Maymartin.net has all those deeds. There's still tickets available for my first three shows in Oklahoma and then two shows in Texas. I really want to fill them up because it's the beginning of the tour. It'd be such a bummer if I, now it'll be great. Yeah, it's going to be awesome.

They're going to be there. Build it and they will come. Yeah. How about you? Well, you know, Tignotaro. We got Santa Fe, we got Monterey, Charleston, West Virginia. Actually, never mind that, Charleston. We're rescheduling some dates here.

But I'll also be in Los Angeles, Largo. It just goes on and on. Go check out all the show and tour information at tignotaro.com. And watch. Come see me in the good light if you haven't yet. very funny, touching, life-affirming documentary on Apple that I produced. And until next time. Keep it?

Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tignitaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Wulet. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a lot. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance.

That's smart. Not checking which hot sauce I'm using on my breakfast burrito. Big mistake. There's a big difference between medium spicy and spicy, spicy, and I just learned it the hard way. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms.

conditions, and availability, all state North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.