Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #85

Episode Date: April 3, 2026

Fortune and Mae take a question from Betty White (in spirit) and share their earliest recollections on a highly memorable Pretty Little Episode! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the handsome pod. This is me. May Martin, joined by Me, me, Vorge and Feemster. Hello. Hello. Pretty little episode. I feel so southern right now, May.

Really? Yes, I'm visiting my mom in North Carolina. Uh-huh. And I'm, as you can see, sitting in a recliner. Like, cozy recliner. So it makes me feel very southern because I feel like recliners are, you know, very prevalent. Or at least with our parents' age, recliners are more prevalent. Yeah, like you'll settle in for the day.

Oh, yeah. I don't want to brag, but I'm in a recliner. And right beside me is another recliner. No, I wish. sat there with you, girl. That would be very fun to film this together and matching recliners. Your mom's house, I would love that. Yes. I finally wrapped that movie. Yeah, congrats. Thank you. It was awesome and so fun and exhausting. Yeah. We filmed nights the last two weeks, which is why you and I weren't able, well, you're on the road in a tour bus. Yeah. I was filming nights for two weeks, so we both

had to miss the Glad Awards. Yeah. Did you have a rap party? Did you have a big... We did a couple nights ago. Nice. My body is still recovering from working, you know, 15-hour days, starting at 5 p.m. I thought you were going to say still recovering from the rap party.

No, I never go hard at those things. Oh, okay. Although I did have a couple pieces of pizza and a cinnamon roll to go. Oh, yeah. Yeah, come on now. So I haven't been able to come visit my mom or my dad since the holidays. So I came here. Yeah.

Can you have a bit of time off now? I have a couple weeks off and then my tour starts. But the nice thing is like I'll be touring, but it's not like acting where, as you know, your schedule is not your own. Yeah. So I have a little bit of freedom again. And it's your tour, you're the boss. Yeah, which I love acting, but doing it for six months of no controller

in my schedule was a lot. It's so infantilizing. It's like, you're like, anyway, I'm just going to go get a coffee. They're like, okay, fortune's moving to get a coffee. We're going to actually get that for you. And we're going to, like, it's, yeah. I know, I haven't been able to think on my own or do anything on my own since September. Or going to the bathroom is so annoying.

people are fortunate. Gun 10 one. Gun 10 one. Yep. So I've been like basking in the freedom this week. Nice. And finally, you know, getting some furniture in my house. It's been completely empty. I've been worried about that.

I'm glad you need some, you need a recliner. I've been such a bachelor. I brought a few pieces over from my old house, but not much. And it's just been an empty space. base. That's exciting. I know. I got a, I finally got like a dining room table in and it looks so great. I'm so pumped for that. I got a outdoor table too. People can actually come have a meal. I've been basically for six months eating on my couch at the coffee table. Yeah. Yeah, this is good. You need this. I said we. I want an invite to that table. We're in this together, bud. How's tour going?

It's going I mean, it's so amazing. It's such an amazing experience but also would I ever do it again like this? I'm not sure. It's exhausting, right? Dude, it's like I just woke up we drove all night.

You know, I'm not going to miss that opportunity. Yeah, it's so good. And then arrived in Detroit this morning and you're just like, where am I? What do I eat? where like can I find like a coffee? Yeah. Like I went out this morning for a coffee.

I've only been awake for like 20 minutes. And the only coffee shop I found was this like posh like Dubai coffee shop. I ended up with this app. This is like a. Oh, it's like a dessert. It's like a dessert. Beautiful. Apple.

It looks like. Oh, it's like in the middle's Marzapans. Is that what you said? Yeah, like it looks like Snow White's apple. And then in the middle, some kind of moose or something. Are you going to eat it or it's for later? Well, to be honest, I bought it because I was like, that'll be funny for the pod. Now I'm realizing it wasn't that funny.

And there's nowhere to go here. Honestly, I'm curious about what's in the middle. A very sweet white chocolate and apple moose. But it's so sweet. Oh, it does also taste like apple? Uh-huh. I do. I love an apple stitch.

Me too. Give me a candy apple, even though. it's hell really we're going into summer but I love a fall apple situation uh yeah or or just a pie like I I guess we're going into spring never yeah yeah you can still have an apple situation any time a year you know what's messing me up is that it's been like 97 degrees in Los Angeles so I keep thinking that we're going into summer and my friends that live in the south are like it's not summer because I was like should I bring my bathing? suit home and they're like, no, it's cold here.

It's just, it's California. California is crazy. I know. It's actually fucked. Like, if we start down that road, I mean, it's the hottest Palm Springs has ever been on history, on history. On history. On history. On history has been not this hot. I've been, the way I'm using the English language is changing. on this tour because I'm so tired.

I'm just saying things like, well, first, I was in Wisconsin, so everyone called my show The Passum. The Passum. Yeah. And then I'm with Matt, who lives with me, but he brings out a side of me that's like a kind of frat boy. So like, I said, Matt, we got to go see this statue, yo. There's like this statue.

I was like, it's got a spoon and a chariot's this big statue in Minneapolis or something. And he was like, how big is it? And I went, yo, it's bigger than trees. Anyway, I guess I... We didn't go see it in the end, but... Oh, I have something to tell you. Tell me. And I'll have to dish and update you after I do it, but...

Okay. I've decided I want... I saw it on TV, and then I decided I want to be America's next Ninja Warrior. And I want to secretly... Oh. I want to secretly train and then not tell any... Anyone except you and the handsome listeners? Okay.

So basically a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So hundreds of thousands. It's hard. I know. And it's going to take me years. Wait, where did this come from? You were just like on the bus and it came on TV and you're like, I have to do this?

Yeah, I suddenly thought it's such a, you would feel so powerful running. It's like parkour. And then we Googled and we found there's a Ninja Warrior training. gym here in Detroit. So I should be resting and sleeping, but I'm going to go. You're going to go do that. Honestly, that's a goal. I feel like you could attain.

You have a lot of upper body strength. Thank you. It just requires doing those courses a lot. Right. That's true. It's just muscle memory. My friend John Ryan, who was a kicker for the Seahawks, he's married to Sarah Colonna.

a very funny comedian. He did it once a couple years ago and we went to support him. And he's very fit. Like this dude's ripped and he made it through like two obstacles and then was out. I know that's what happened.

There's all this buildup. We had all these posters and they were like, oh. Oh my God. That's what it would be like with me. It would be first. You don't know. But I also don't think he trained a ton.

Like he trains every day for fitness. I think you have to train. in the courses. Yeah, specifically. I believe in you. Thank you so much. I'll keep you posted on my program. Keep us posted, bud, for sure.

We want to know. And if you end up going to this gym, we also want to know that as well. Yeah, also the other night, who did I meet at my show? Who? A man comes up to me at the meet and greet. He says, hello, I'm,

and I said, I'm going to stop you there. You don't have to tell me. You're Thomas's brother. I met Thomas's brother in L.A. once. Oh, my God. He is so sweet. And Thomas, he has your mannerisms like you guys. Yeah, it's the voice, too.

Yeah. He was so nice. He was thrilled to meet you, May, and he said the show was amazing. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. He brought a bunch of people from his work and stuff. It was nice. Yeah, he has coworkers who are handsome super fans,

and they freaked out when they found out his brother produces the podcast. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's my kid. You got points at work. There you go. I love it. Well, listen, should we? Yeah, let's get some questions.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, dude. Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro, it's bigger than a tree. Yo, bigger than trees. It's bigger than trees. Hi, Hansoms.

It's Quinn from Toronto, Canada. May, I wanted to tell you that when I was growing up in the 70s, I had a dad who had a metal detector. and he would comb the beaches and the parks in Vancouver, BC, and we would hang out with him. And he would collect coins and all kinds of little trinkets. In fact, he even had a little truck where he kept all of his treasures. One time he even found a gold clodder ring,

which is an Irish ring with a heart and a crown on it. And he gave that to me, and I've had it to this day. My dad was pretty eccentric. He was an artist. But my question for you is, what is your earliest memory? Earlyest memory ever? Yeah. Of anything or with a dad memory?

Just of any memory, right? Of anything. I can't believe we've never asked each other this. No, we have not. I thought it was going to be asking a dad memory. I was like, I just had breakfast with my dad this morning. If that's your earliest memory, my earliest memories of this morning. I can't remember anything before then.

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance, and that's smart. Not checking the dress code before attending a wedding. on the other hand? That can be stressful. What does festive boho cocktail chic even mean? Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. You're not one of those people that remembers like in the womb, are you? No, no. I sometimes am like, why don't I remember more?

I am like, is there something wrong with me that I have just little flashes of early childhood. I don't remember a lot pre five years old. And then from five to like nine, I just have little flashes here and there. My mom can like tell me things she did when she was like three. And I'm like, how? Do you remember a lot? I think I'm Well I remember anything scary or upsetting

Which is annoying But then I have yeah I've like scattered I never know if it's just because there's a photo of it And I right yeah like my brain Like there's I would say that my first memory is Of lying on this like sheepskin rug when I was a baby But then there's a photo of that So maybe that's why I think that

Yeah But I feel like I can remember the the room and the sounds and everything. But then I guess maybe my first actual memory that I know for a fact is real is my mom's mom at her house because she died when I was two. And there's not pictures of these moments,

so I know I legit remember it from when I was two. And I remember her house smelling like peanut butter cookies and she kept them on top of the fridge. She would cook them. And cinnamon hearts and tobacco. And then I remember her playing with me under a blanket and a couple other things from her house that, like, I've, I've confirmed their real memory. Yeah. Yeah.

So, two, that's pretty, that's pretty, not that it's competition, but that's pretty good. That's real good, but that's real good. We got two. Well, it's funny that you said, like, you remember, like, scary things or bad things because that is my earliest memory is of something not pleasant. Yeah. Which I don't know how old I was, but I want to say like maybe four. Yeah. And I just have like a foggy memory of it.

But I remember it was me and my mom at the house and I did not have shoes on. And I went outside and somehow the steel trash can got moved and put down on my my toe. Oh, no. You remember that, Mom? Your little tutsis. Oh, hi, Ginger. May says, hi, Mom.

She says, hi. Hi, I heard that. Hi. And my toe no came, ended up coming off, right? Yes. And I just remember, like, wailing. Oh, my God. Just screaming, crying.

Because I operated. Oh, you helped get the toenail off. Well, it had almost become infected. It was becoming infected. Because I wouldn't let you touch it, really. But I was like really young, right? I mean, I was like four, maybe. I'd say six.

Six? Oh, well, then I have earlier memories than that. Was it like the toenail was dangling off and then Jen did to get in there? Oof, oh my gosh. It was the, I just remember crying. I don't know how that. It worked terribly. It was crossing.

Who did this? the trash can one of my brothers probably i think you i i took the trash out why was i taking the trash out at five that's crazy yeah that's that's that's that's absurd you were you were trying to get me to do chores at five years old oh my god wait can you ask ginger if you cried a lot as a kid like were you easy to cry mom did i cry a lot as a kid may once though no i did not oh i was strong I'm a strong girl. You were a stronger. Was I sensitive?

Like sensitive but not cry? Get my feelings hurt? Not particularly. Oh, good for me. I was emotionally regulated. I was emotionally regulated as a child. Yes. Yes.

I'm resilient. You used to say that I was cautious, though. Or that, I mean, she looked at me like I'm crazy when I just said that. You told me that. as a kid I was the type of kid that would look both like look both ways and I would not like act is that not true yes you you used a lot of common sense I used a lot of common sense okay were you slow to trust was I slow to trust I don't think so she didn't think so do you like this second yeah also I can I can I can hear Ginger oh you can hear yeah it's the best Can you tell Ginger that my nickname was Ping Ping when I was a kid? Because the tears would just fly up. Ping ping, ping.

Ping? I cried so much that my tears would just shoot out of my face like bullets, and they go, ping, ping, ping. So my family called me ping ping. May's nickname was Ping Ping, because they would cry so much that tears would shoot out like, ping, ping, ping. Get it? May, as a child. Who does that? Who the hell does that?

I love it. Let's hear what Quinn said. Yeah. My earliest memory is from when I was around two years old. I was with a stranger. I didn't know who it was. And I felt really sad because my mom was not there. And I fell and scraped my knee. And I remember that this woman was comforting me. Later on, I learned that that was probably my grandmother.

And she was there looking after me because my mom was in the hospital giving birth to my brother. Thanks, love yourself. My other memory I've talked about it was when I stole a piece of gum. Oh my gosh, yeah. And my mom caught me. And you had to return it? I had to return it. And I cried.

Oh, my God. That's why I, well, that was a moment of me crying like a baby. How old were you then? Five. Humiliating. And you remember that. I don't know why. I really don't have a lot of memories before five.

I don't think most people do. You had so many great times. Oh, did I She said, I don't know why You had so many great times Ginger, I know Those great times were wasted on my terrible memory

No, they're all in there somewhere Forming you I don't know, I wish I could somehow I would love to be able to like recall some of that stuff Well, Harvard scientists say that the past The present and the future are all happening at the same time

Whoa Time is not linear so that's all there I mean, I do get deja vu quite a bit, but I don't know. Yeah. I'm always like what, I'm always intrigued by deja vu, like what that actually means. I know. Well, I think it's a glitch in the Matrix. I think it's your.

My mom's just now wanting to pipe in on all the things. Yeah, I like it. Is she just translating deja vu? She just over there talking to herself now. I love that. Don't mind us, mom. It's so It's rare that we have this opportunity

I'm like, what else can I ask Ginger? Like, are there any funny, embarrassing stories from when you were a toddler? Oh, God. Well, she's long-winded. You're not going to want that secondhand story. All right, all right. Okay. Maybe on the next question, something will come up for her.

Should we listen to another? Yeah. Hi, handsome. This is Chris from. Connecticut. And I am obsessed with the Golden Girls like many other gay men. And so my question today is a question that Betty White's Rose Nileland posed to a group of very smart professors. And she tried to do it in the same way that her very smart professor boyfriend had asked another group of very smart professors. And this is how it came out from Rose. If you could have dinner,

with any person dead or alive, what would you eat? What would you eat? I knew there was going to be a joke coming in there somewhere. Yeah, that's funny. Well, you and Tick famously have never watched the Golden Girls, which hurts my heart so bad. I know. It's crazy.

Have you watched Buffy? No, so I guess we're even. I mean, I know that they're not equivalent in people's minds, like, but. But it's your own treasured show. Yeah. Well, you know, TIG's going to make us do this wellness weekend, so maybe part of it. One ball of all golden girls and Buffy. Now that it is just us.

Can I check? Are you going to go? You know, I'm going to need more details. Yeah, yeah. We just posted a video from that episode. Yeah. And I watched my eyes glaze over. Yeah.

In real time, as you guys just chatted about this. She's running through the schedule. Listen, this is no dig at TIG because there's no TIG dig. Because it's changed your life and it's for the best. And I understand, but she did lose me at vegan food. I know. To be honest, that's my only reservation too. Because the thing that worries me is a lot of vegan stuff has coconut oil in it.

Oh, yeah. So that's one excuse I have. What do you go? Well, so my one note for the weekend would be like she should eat vegan food because she loves it. But I should also, I'll eat healthier food. Yeah. But it might not be vegan. Oh, my God.

And I don't need like a slab of meat. I wouldn't do that to her. No. But I just need like a charcutory board. You know what I mean? Sure. Because like if I'm going to have a weekend like this, I need to. something has to bring me joy.

I know. And food is one of the few things I get constant joy from. I'll have a smoothie. I'll be healthier, but I'm also going to need an afternoon cheese. Yeah, what if we say like, yeah, cheese and crackers in the afternoon, and then maybe like a little steamed salmon with some veg. A steamed salmon would be, yeah. I won't go beef.

I know that's highly aggressive. But is salmon okay? Plunked down a huge spare rib. Is salmon or halibut okay? Yeah. Okay, I'll back you up there. I'll back you up. That would be my one note to the weekend and honestly could change it for me and make

me be like, yeah, I'll definitely go. Yeah, I kind of agree. Like if I was like, you're going to do this all weekend, wake up early, exercise, and you have to do the vegan food. I was like, Just give me one thing. Although, I mean, I am kind of curious as an experiment, like how would I cope with it? How would I feel after it?

But I just, I'm sort of with you. Like, I want eggs in the morning. So to answer Chris's question, we would want a salmon or an elephant. Yeah, we want some salmon or halibut. Yeah, if I'm eating at a fancy meal like that with someone, I'm going to assume it's fancy. if you're getting to eat with someone past or present, you're picking someone pretty important. But in that case, if TIG's not there,

I wouldn't mind to filet mignon, you know. Yeah. Wait, so is the question, oh, the question is, what are you eating? Because it's a joke. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because usually it's who are you having dinner with? But Rose want to know, what would you eat? Yeah.

I did have a Golden Girls. I clearly have Golden Girls in my algorithm. and oftentimes clips from that show will pop up in last night there was a clip that they said was bloopers of Rose but it was not bloopers. They were just such good actors that it made it look off everything. This scene just looked so off the cuff.

Oh, no way. They just were that good. They were just good. God, I love bloopers though, for real. I wish they did have Golden Girls bloopers, yeah. They probably do have some. I love that. Should we hear Chris's answer?

Let's do it. I would eat some pansyered scallops over risotto or polenta and maybe some like grilled asparagus. Because I don't know why. I just, that sounds good right now. And that's what I would eat if I was having dinner right now with anyone dead or alive. Listen, I love a scallop situation to scallop. What do you say? Scallop or Scallop? Well, no, you can't go by what I say with things weird.

I say Scallop. Okay. No, I think that's right. Scallop. You say scallop. You say scallops, Mom? I don't say scallop. You say scallop.

I think I'm wrong. I think May's right. No, the way Ginger said it sounded right, scollops. I'm going to agree. Because she's an elderly woman. I'm going to agree with whatever Ginger says, yeah. Well, what a treat. An absolute pleasure, as always.

Uh-huh. Well, if anyone wants to ask us any questions or ask for advice, you can go to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod and send us a little, a little something, a little voice something. Yes, please do. And yeah, this is April 3rd. What's going on? I'm just back on the road. I think as of this airing, I'm in Fayetteville and Little Rock, Arkansas. Oh, nice.

I will have just done the Junos and hosted in Canada. And then I'm in Toronto. And yeah, then the tour continues all through April. I'm in like Ottawa and all across the state. So check out Maymartin.net. Oh, and I am doing a European run. So for all our European listeners, I'm hitting up Stockholm, Oslo, Berlin, Dublin, and London. That's a really good selection.

In Copenhagen. Wow. I'm excited. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's going to be really fun. I've always wanted to go to Oslo. Yeah. Never been. Yeah. Well, amazing. Well, thank you guys for listening. We appreciate it. We don't take it for granted.

That's right. We love you. And until next time, keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod.g.com. And please, follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you packed sunscreen when you're going on that midwinter vacation. Ouchy. Your skin hasn't seen the sun in a few months. And now you're a desperate need of some aloe vera. Yeah, check in first is smart.

So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.