Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #89

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

Fortune and Tig wave their relationship green flags and talk about the aspects of childhood they never want to forget, on... an unforgettable Pretty Little Episode! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Pretty little episode. Hey, it's your friend Tignotaro on the handsome, pretty little episode. I'm sitting here with my co-host, Fortune. That's me. Hi, Fortune. It's me, TIG.

Hi, TIG. I have some news for you. Wait, what? Well, Stephanie and I were invited to a party. Yeah. And we typically don't go to parties much. And I was taking my little nightly bubble bath. Oh, wait, a nightly one?

Yeah. Do you do one every night? I do. Oh, I love this for you. I love you. And so I was just looking and feeling so adorable. clean and like, ah, the end of the day, cleaned myself up, getting to the clean sheets. And Stephanie came in and sat on the little stool by the bath and said, I feel like we should go

to the party tonight. Oh, that same night? Yeah, we had already decided we were not. That's tough to rally once you've had your nightly bubble bath. It was. And can I, before we get to the rest, can I ask how long are you? nightly bubble baths usually. Oh, that's a good question, girl. I would say my nightly bubble baths are probably 20 to 30 minutes. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And you're not doing anything. You're just laying or are

you like looking at something? What do you mean? Reading, your phone or you're just being. I just am just in there and I think about it feels like a moment that I get excited that I can just go be alone and think about stuff. Right. You know. And what are you wearing? Nothing. Okay.

So she goes, we're going to go to this party night. How that would be, that I would be like, I, there's no way. I just watch a cooter. But here's the thing is I also have to make sure it's clear. We shut down real early at our house. So it's not like it was like, this is like 5 p.m. No, I mean, it was, it was probably like. Like six, six-thirty, something like that.

But even still, like by that point, we've finished dinner, Max and Finn, or like watching an episode of something and then they're going to go take their bath and brush their teeth. Yeah. But it's still, I'm usually in bed by like nine. Okay. And so I'm inching up a little bit on bedtime. And she just was like, you know, I think we should go and see some people, do some stuff. And I was like, all right. So it was like a friend party.

It wasn't like a Hollywood party. Oh, no, no, no. It was a friend party. And I can't imagine that she would ever come in and say we should go to a red carpet event. Yeah, no, no. Because y'all, yeah, we're going to have, there were going to be a lot of y'all's mutual friends were going to be at this party. Yeah, just potentially some people we hadn't seen in a while, who we really enjoy. And it's always nice to run into some people like that.

And I was like, okay, I hear you. Yeah, yeah. Could be good to go out, see some people. And so we did. We rallied at 6.30. And she called her dad to come watch the Cubs. And we went. And I have to say, I wasn't even planning on mentioning this,

but not only did we see some old friends. Yeah. I saw an ex-girlfriend. of an old friend of mine. Okay. Who I hadn't seen in years. Mm-hmm. And she was so a part of my pre-sick days of 2012.

Yeah. And for some reason, seeing her was such a, like, God, I feel like I'm just in such a different place in my life. Right. And I felt like I was, not that I wasn't open to her, but like, I don't know that I took her in in the way that I did when I ran into her. And I just loved talking to her. Oh, cool.

And we just had such a nice connecting moment. Yeah. And Stephanie also spent some time talking to her. And we both left the party going, she's awesome. Aw, I love that. I love those moments where you get to meet somebody a second time in life. And is she settled down? Is she with someone single?

Yes. She is with somebody who is so adorable. He's so sweet. Like his face is just the cutest little sweetest face. And his vibe is so good. And they're locked in. And I was just so happy for her. And she was just talking about how she's just really feeling like she's hit her stride in life and feeling successful with work and love and life.

And I was just like, man, I'm genuinely psyched for you. Yeah. And I don't know. I just felt like almost giddy about our running. I hadn't seen her in years. Yeah. That sounds like a good thing you got out of that tub. Yeah.

I would say it was great to see all the other old pals, but that was a surprise curveball when she came walking around the corner, you know? Oh, good. It was a real blast from the past. Yeah. Yeah. And just meeting each other again all these years later, like over a decade later in different places in our lives. And she's like, how old are your kids? And I was like, oh, they're about to turn 10.

She's like, what? That kind of thing where you're like, you have 10-year-olds? Anyway, so that was a different thing that happened. Gosh, I haven't. I feel like I, you know, I've been in LA 20. Coming on. Oh, actually, today's May 1st. So in like two weeks, it will be my 24th anniversary of moving to Los Angeles.

That seems impossible. I mean, just can't believe that. Yeah. And I've been through many different iterations of L.A. Sure. Where it's like my 20s, my early 20s, I had no friends. Meetups? Yeah.

My mid to late 20s, I was so insanely social. Mm-hmm. Early 30s, finally hit my dating stride. Mm-hmm. The last 10 years I was married. Yeah. And then now I feel like so many friends have like moved or are settled down in a way that's like kids and or, or, you know, when lesbians get married, you just don't see them as much anymore. Yeah.

And so I don't, like, I still love L.A. And I think I can see a world in which I spend time here and maybe spend time in the South or something. but it just is a different place for me now where I don't even know my friends are just scattered all over the place. Yeah, that really happened after the pandemic too. Just people ski it addling. Yeah. But then when you have those like occasionally like one of my Groundlings friends or something,

we'll have a party and you'll see all these old friends and just you think of your life when y'all all hung out all the time, like how different it was. Those are always cool moments. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah. And then you have this like unspoken, like familiarity. Uh-huh. Where you just sort of like get right to it.

For sure. Yeah. Well, that's cool. Yeah. I think this year I've been in L.A. 30 years. Damn. And it is wild when I think about all the different places I've lived and people I've known, and people I've dated, old roommates, and just what a tiny blip that was.

Yeah. And I never would have imagined that I would have lived in Los Angeles, first of all. Second of all, for 30 years. Yeah. Because, you know, when you're younger, certain groups of people or exes feel like so massive in your life. And then you look back and you're like, that was a year and a half of my life. That was it. A blip.

Yeah, or I lived in that city for two years or dated that person for six months, but it just felt so massive at the time. And now I'm like 30 years in Los Angeles. Yeah. And yeah, it's time, right? Time. Time. Speaking of time.

Time after time. It's time for questions? It really is. It is. It's time for questions. This is a pretty little episode, so we've got a couple to get into, and let's do it. Let's do it. Hello, my handsoms. This is JJ from San Francisco. I am a huge fan of the pod. I was wondering, what is one big red and green flag that you find in a partner? Let's say you're all single.

This is a world where you're single and looking for a partner. What would be? the biggest red flag that like gives you the ick and the biggest green flag that you know gives you those little heart flutters. Hmm. That's a good question. No one ever asked us though. Yeah. JJ.

Thank you. This is the thing with with our listeners chiming in. Always good ideas, thoughts, questions. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking your luggage capacity before accepting gifts from fans. I miscalculated. I appreciate all the thoughtful presence, but now I need to find a way to ship this stuff back home and it's very heavy.

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I always have a soft spot in my heart for someone who loves old people. Yeah. And is really kind to old people. Like if you see someone who like when they see an old person, like an elderly person, they like get up from their seat and offer their seat to them or they help them with the bag or they like. Just take a little extra care with anyone elderly. That is a big green flag for me because it just means they have empathy and have a, like, there's sort of an old-fashionedness with that. And that's how I was, you know, heavily influenced by my grandmother.

So anybody who has that in them usually is my cup of tea. Mm-hmm. So that's a big green flag. And also just like someone who is willing to help, like make your life a little easier. Like you're doing things for them, but they're also doing things for you. It's a very give and take kind of situation where it's not one-sided. You just both are equally want to make things easier and better for each other, for no other reason other than you love each other. Mm-hmm.

Red flag would be, I mean, I don't do well with, like, mean, mean-spiritedness in any way. You don't? Yeah. Oh, that's my green flag. Anybody that's just like mean for no reason or just like a dick to people. That's obviously a big red flag. Yeah. And also like anybody that.

It's like once the, doesn't want you to have a full life. Like, no, doesn't want you to have friends. Mm-hmm. Doesn't want you to, like, do anything outside of them. Mm-hmm. Like, I think I'm in a stage of my life where I'm valuing my independence more, even, you know, where I just don't want to be, like, you want to be close and with each other and spend time with each other, but you also, it's important to, you know, it's important to, you know,

have your own life and and like want them to have a life like a relationship with their family with their friends anybody that doesn't want you to have any of that it's not that's a red flag for sure how about you bud well i got to say i love my green flag is i love um laughing with somebody I just love it. It's, um, there is just nothing better to me. When, when somebody just is so surprisingly funny in a moment that it, it like hits me from behind. Yeah. I just, and I just find it so connecting, like those, um, your guard is down and you're, um, just having a good cackle.

Yeah. I love that too. I love laughing with my, well, with anyone, but I also, I don't like the pressure of somebody feeling like they have to make me laugh. You know, that's kind of the worst feeling. Yeah. But that's where you find your groove with the right person is like you just have a natural back and forth and you amuse each other. Yeah. And then I think a red flag for me is I don't like when people are heavy drink.

or messed up, you know, just altered state. Like sloppiness? Yeah, yeah. I don't mind like somebody's having a drink or two every now and then. But I can't do the babysitting situation. Right, right. Well, especially at this age.

For sure. That would be a big redplay. Yeah, I just, I can't do it. I don't like to feel like I'm, you know, when I'm out to eat with somebody and they, you've finished your meal and you're chatting and then they just keep ordering drinks. I've been in that situation. Yeah. Where I'm like, oh my God. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So I think those are my main. I mean, listen, I could come up with plenty red and green flags, but I would say those are the main ones. Yeah. Those are good. Does JJ have any? If I know JJ, and I don't, I bet JJ has got. Probably some good ones.

Yeah. Classic JJ. Classic JJ. I think for me, a big green flag is if I can put the person in any situation, like any social situation, and they just like vibe. Yes. And they're easy, you know, to be around. Yes. Alternatively, a red flag would be if they make a lot of awkward comments and it's, I get secondhand.

embarrassment. Would you, okay, say that you met somebody, that you were single and they had everything you wanted but weren't that funny? Well, I don't even, you know, deal breaker. Well, I don't even need somebody to be funny. Yeah. I just like laughing with people and I've dated people that aren't like, you know, ready for the stage or anything.

Right. But they have a good sense of humor and get it. Like, as long as they can get it. The joke, yeah. Yeah, as long as they get it or get the awkwardness or the funny thing or the, just something where, you know, it's just that vibe. I was also thinking a major green flag for me is when you like their friend group. Mm-hmm. You know, because I've definitely been with some people where I've had to slog through.

dinners and social situations with their friend group. And I'm like, whewy, this is tough. It's tough. Yeah, it's nice one. It's just easy all in that social setting. For sure. With their friends. And also, like JJ said, when they're, like, in your environment, too,

and you don't have to worry about them. They're at ease. Yeah, that is the best. What else you got for us? Handsome listeners. Hey, handsome. My name is Cammy, and your podcast got me through the third trimester of my pregnancy. My little one is now 10 weeks old, and as I'm stumbling through the early days of parenthood,

the question I have been pondering and would like to ask y'all is, what aspect of being a kid do you never want to forget? And specifically for Tig, how does that show up in your parenting? What part of my childhood do I never want to forget? I never, ever want to forget the freedom that I felt in exploring nature. I mean, following creeks and just so free. And, I mean, I know it's the full-on Huckleberry Tig and me, but like climbing trees.

following creeks so far back into the woods, catching frogs, all of the very typical things that my childhood allowed me. I mean, I love, I love that aspect of my childhood. And I think with, it's interesting having children, raising children in, Los Angeles and you don't have necessarily that freedom or those creeks that you're following back into the woods. But whenever we're out as a family and we, I mean, my son, Max, is very into climbing trees. And I always, when we're on walks, point out really great tree climbing trees, you know. And I love taking them on hikes in the parks and making sure that we're finding ways to be more in touch with nature that's not just playing baseball or soccer in a field, which of course is great too.

But when we go to Griffith Park, there's this little stream that is just full of crawfish, crawdads. And I don't know if you've spent much time there, but I love going there and pointing those out because I used to collect those when I was little. I'd get into the water and bring a bucket. And so, yeah, that's, I just try to make sure that they have an awareness outside of just playing in a park. Yeah. When you guys go to Colorado, are all of y'all more naturey, like out in the woods and? For sure, yeah. We go find new hikes and there's a lot of mountain biking.

It's not like crazy on the edge of the mountain mountain biking. Yeah. And also kayaking and rafting down rivers and whitewater rafting and groups. But it's really fun to just get together with, you know, You know, we'll go out to Colorado with a group of friends and all do stuff together. And, yeah, wildflowers checking those out. It's really great. And I also love, like, I've probably mentioned I love mountain goats.

Have I mentioned this? Oh, yeah, at one point you did. Yeah, I love mountain goats so much. And just making sure my sons are keeping their eyes out for mountain goats. but I also like to, not that I really know how to survive in the wilderness, but I love the idea of like, if something happens, guys, this is how you do it. This is where you would go for safety and make sure you have, you know, you're prepared with these kind of things. And that's kind of how I was as a kid in the woods. I was like pretending like if I had to spend a few days, how would I find shelter and what would I eat?

And so I think they're both interested in that, but I think Max is way more drawn to that kind of Huckleberry Tigness that I had. I love that. Yeah. What about you? I try to hold on to the silliness of being a kid. I, you know, can take things serious, obviously, and have earnest conversations. But I like to be goofy and silly. as you know.

Sure. And I don't want to lose that. I think it's fun to have a playfulness even as an adult because otherwise everything is so serious and tough and I like some of that lightness every now and then that I think what's wrong with keeping a little bit of that ridiculousness, that imagination, that playful part of your personality, that was so prevalent when you were a kid.

Mm-hmm. So, yeah. I felt very connected to my childhood when I had a double mastectomy. And I was like a grown woman with a completely flat chest. I remember laughing with a friend. And I was looking down at my flat chest and being like, oh, my God, I feel like I'm eight years old right now. Yeah, I bet.

But anyway, should we hear what Cammy has to say? Yeah. For me, it's that my feelings were so big, and I hated being told that I was, quote, unquote, too sensitive. So as my little one gets bigger, I aspire to validate his feelings, and he is a triple water sign, so I'm sure there will be many feelings. May will explain what that means. All right, y'all, thank you so much. I can't wait to hear your response. Love y'all.

Bye. Love you dearly, not queerly. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, probably some big feelings coming. Mm-hmm. But ain't nothing wrong with that. Am I right?

That's right. Mm-hmm. That's right. Well, it was wonderful to see you as always, Fortune Feimster. Fortune Marie. You too, bud. What a treat. Yeah, please, if you haven't already,

submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe. com slash handsome pod. Don't forget our live show in L.A. is in just a few days, May 4th. So come on out. Join us at the Wiltern in L.A. for Netflix is a Jokes Festival. Yeah, we're going to have the cast of the hunting wives. The hunting wives.

And if you want to see me on tour, go to tignotaro.com because I got a bunch of dates. Yeah, same. I'll be out there, especially you Europe folks. I'm coming at the end of this month, so get your tickets. Yeah, and until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tignotaro, May Martin, and Fortune Themster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com.

Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking if a coffee shop has your preferred type of milk before stopping in for a latte? My morning is in shambles. You know I'm an oat milk kind of gal, but now I'm sipping on something subpar.

Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate First for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.