Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #97

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

Mae and Fortune divulge their quirks and share harrowing and hilarious anecdotes about onstage accidents, all on today's Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking if my inspired idea for a song was original. Oops. I came up with an all-time classic melody that turned out to already be an all-time classic melody. Back to the drawing board. Yeah, checking first is handsome.

So check Allstate First for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Illinois. Handsome pot.

Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the prettiest littlest episode with your prettiest little host. I'm Mae Martin. And I'm fortunate feet sir. This is the handsome pods. Pretty little episode.

Yes, it is. How are you, fun? Yeah. I am coming back down to life. I have been in Europe for the last couple weeks. We'll probably talk about it when all the details when we all are together again. But it was really fun. Are you July? I'm so tired. It's so crazy what it does to your body. It makes you feel like you're on on the moon. Yeah, I was like, I don't know that I could have done any more city. I did six

countries, seven shows. And I don't think I could have done any more than that. I could not get on a sleep schedule. Yeah. Yeah. It messed me up. It was. Because from L.A., it's a nine-hour time difference in, we're in Scandinavian countries in eight in London, I believe. And every night, I was like, I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to get my eight hours. And every night, I stared into space. Yeah.

And I averaged like five hours a night. I was so tired. God. But I can't wait to hear all about it. Yeah, it was fun. The shows were good. I definitely have some fun stories for you all about my mom. Oh, correct.

Great. But yeah, the shows were awesome. A lot of handsome listeners in every audience. Hell, yeah, there are. And so that was really cool. Like I said something about a ghost at one point, and a bunch of people were like, yeah, ghost. And then, yeah, a lot of people just in the airport in Dublin, someone yelled,

keep it handsome. Oh, really? Yeah, really cool. Did they yell it like, keep it handsome? Keep it handsome. Keep it handsome. I watch how much else you. Keep it handsome. I love Ireland. So yeah, it's fun to like go to other countries and, you know, you've experienced this having lived in London and just being like, man, that's crazy that your comedy goes all these places. I know. And also with England, I'm always surprised like, I'm, I get culture shock and I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot it's a totally different culture. Like, yeah. Everything is slightly different, which I like. Well, it's funny.

Like, London was my biggest of the shows and the quietest of the audiences. Really? Uh-huh. Like, yeah, they were into it, but they were, it seemed like they were into it, very polite listening, but just like kind of like, we're here for the ride. Like, yeah, it was funny. But then, like, Dublin was like, as expected, so rowdy. Yeah. They're like, come to the pub with us after.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, but I was boring. I didn't do any of that stuff. Oh, yeah. Well, you were with Geng. True. My only news is that, well, my big news is, I cut my, I cut a lot of my hair off late at night. Oh.

You can't really tell, but it is significantly shorter. So it's making you do this a lot right now? Oh, yeah, always fixing it. That's your favorite thing to do. That, you know, when I was filming wayward, Tony Collette said, fucking stop touching your hair and in a nice way. But pretty much like that. She's sassy.

She's sassy. And I was like, I actually don't think I can't stop touching it. Like it's definitely an OCD thing maybe. Maybe, maybe. I do that with my fingers. I have a touch of OCD and it's not in the way that's like, you know, repetitive. But I think this is called, what is this called? Stimbing, yeah.

Yeah. I have this situation and I'm always doing this with my nails. And then I have, mine comes out in like weird details. Like, say like I'm getting a TV hung on the wall. Yeah. If it is even like an inch too high or short, I can't not fix eight on it. Really? And I will stare at it and wish it to be different.

Yeah. And like, I'll take pictures. I'll send it to people. Do you think this too high? Oh, my God. We're talking like an inch here. Maybe in half an inch sometimes. I got to get you over to my house.

house because it will be your hell because it is higgledy-piggledy because I just I hang like look at this does this stress you out so I just picked with those random oh yeah that stresses me out that's not right how bad is that look at that there it has to be the ones the bottom one stays and the other one centers with that one and go up probably like a gap yeah it's weird that they're touching they don't need to be touching I just pick random spots and I'm like oh that's okay yeah yeah I'm like, and then other things I could care less about. I don't notice. It's like whatever, but it's certain things where I'm just like, that is like a half an inch too short.

It's too tall. What about your clothes? Do you fold your clothes? No, I don't give a shit about clothes or any of that stuff. It's more like, and I know like in theory, I could pay the guys to come back and move it down an inch or up an inch. But I'm more just like, why didn't I just figure that out to begin with? So you just sit. You just don't know until it's up there.

Just sit and hate it for months. I sit and hate it. Yeah. And I will stare at it for months. I'm like, oh, just if it was an inch lower. I bought an outdoor hammock. Like you don't need trees for it.

It's got like the metal thing. Yeah. And yesterday I did not leave my house. I didn't venture out past my front gate. I was so, I was lying in the sun on the hammock. And I felt kind of nice. Yeah.

I just was. Like, I'm not even going to shower until like 1 p.m. I just lay around. It was so nice. Yeah. I got a couple of weeks here now. Oh, that's good. I know.

I think I'm, I've got to go out of town again for shows in the States, but then I'll be back after each one both weeks and I'm pretty pumped. Oh, that's good, dude. Yeah. There's so much happening at my house. It's coming along swimmingly. What's this black thing behind you? Oh, this is a new, like, just a. a table.

Table. And eventually I'm going to put things on it. Yeah. And then I'm going to put things on the wall. They had put this as if I was going to hang this. I'm not. It's just one show that was sold out. Oh, that's so cute.

The venue gave you a poster that said. Yeah, I can't put up one random theater that was sold out on my wall. Like, that's just too random. That is too random. Use the frame or paint. I was about to say the frame is good. I might use the frame. Yeah.

Yeah. Paint over. the thing inside it. But I'm fixing my tits out hot tub. Oh, I thought you're going to say I'm fixing my tits. And I was like, no, these are just going to be saggy forever. Tits out hot tub is being fixed.

So it will no longer be tits out. How? You're building up the sides or digging it down? No, I'm paying for them to go in and re. I'm paying them for them to re, um, rebench. Rebench. Yeah, yeah, because the bench is too hot.

I'm going two of the benches. five inches higher, five to six inches higher. So the water is actually going to come up to like here, which I'm pretty, chin out, chin out. I'm pretty pumped about, which not everyone wants, not everyone wants it that high, but I do. But then another bench is only going to be about three inches higher. So it will be, it will land just above the teats. I'm like, you are shorter people. If I had it up to me, I would be up to here in the water. I want to feel like I'm a I want to be engulfed. Yes.

I want to be engulfed. If I'm going to be in a hot tub, let's face it. And you don't want it too high because of the bubbles. But if it's here, it's great. Your whole body's getting, you know, the experience. We need to be back in the womb. Let's be honest.

That's what we want. And that's kind of what I want. But then they were like, you should have one bench not as deep because of the short people. And I was like, that's true. I don't know what short people will be in here. TIG might be. But yeah, she'll have one bench available to her. Okay.

So yeah, anyway. Well, should we get to our questions? Yeah, I'm curious. Maybe there'll be some European listeners. This is Michelle. Fortune, by the way, I'm also a tits-out hot tub girl. So my question, in my line of work, I provide briefings to large groups of people on stage. So my question for you is, have you ever had an experience when you're doing stand-up?

where your body does something you did not plan on. Like you tripped or you fell or you lost your faculties. Something happened physically that you did not know was going to happen. And how did you recover? Oh, God. Yeah, that just filled me with anxiety. I love that she gave a shout out to the tits out of right away. So there's people out there who were like proudly tits out.

Yeah, I like that. The two things came to mind. Both of them are gross. and both happened in Australia. One is I had pneumonia in Australia and I was doing the festival and I was coughing all through my show and I coughed so hard that I felt like a crack in my ribs almost.

Maybe it was muscular, but it was like a crack. And then I had to end, it's the only time I've ever ended a show early because I was like, I get guys, I can't. And everyone was like, thank God we've been so uncomfortable this whole show watching you sweat and cough. So I was glad I ended it. And the other thing, same festival, I felt like I had to fart.

Oh, no. And I thought I can't. So I kind of moved backwards as I was talking, like kind of towards the back wall. Just like made up a reason. And then I did the fart. And then I walked for it and it kind of followed me. And I swear hit the, hit the audience. And it was rough.

Yeah. What about you? I once was in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. all. I had just eaten in Sharkoots, bored, coughed in the middle of the set, and a giant wedge of cheese coughed up out of my mouth. Oh my God. And I was like, did you guys just see that? And they were like, yeah. Oh, God. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. So that was so embarrassing. But I also laughed about it. Yeah. It just was like, oh my God. Because I think I was getting over a cold, too. So it was just like, Pras. Yeah. And then the other time was in Peetown, Provincetown, which I'm going to go back to finally in August of this year. I haven't performed it in years. I had to pee so bad. I was at 10 minutes left of my set. And it was coming, it's coming, coming, coming, coming, coming. I was trying to like push through, push through, push through. And at 10 minutes, I was like, I'm going to piss my pants. Yeah. And so I had to say to the audience, I said, you guys,

I'm going to keep it real with you. I can't or maybe I have like five minutes. It was something like five minutes left. I go, I have five minutes left in my set technically. I go, but I am about to pee my pants. So do we just call it now and I go pee? Or do you want me to pee and I come back? Oh my God.

They were like, just go pee, girl. And did you come back or you were like? No, they were like, it's fine, just go pee. And then I peed. And then it was a very small show. This was your. It's so funny. And I think I went back in the room and just like high-fived everyone.

I washed my hands. But yeah, they were just like, just go pee, we're good. That's really funny. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking my outfit before going out the door. Oops. I accidentally wore an entire outfit of bringing clothes and now I look like a leprechaun. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. I one time was doing improv with Atlanta, Johnston, and Stephanie Allen, pig's wife, and it was the only time I've ever experienced someone on stage was Stephanie just goes, I got to go.

I got to go. And I've never, and I thought something was wrong, like maybe she's going to puke or some emergency. And so she left and I was really, because I've never had that in an improv set. And when she came back out and was like, sorry, I just had to pee. And I was like, wow. That's so many people's worst nightmare on stage. But then once it's happened, you're like, all right, well, that's the worst. I have a very tiny bladder.

And so I have to pee more than I feel like I should be peeing. Same. And I don't know if that maybe I'm doing something wrong to cause that. But I pee like three times before I go up on every show. Me too. And then before you go to bed, do you pee a lot? Yeah, because I'm late. The older I get, the more I am like at like four in the morning

waking up having to pee. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. As I drink water. Yeah. Should we hear what Michelle has to say? Yeah.

For me, unfortunately, about a year ago, as I'm taking the stage in front of 2,000 people, that's when the heel of my pump decided to give out, crack my ankle, and fall flat on my pooper on the stage and all I could do is look up, laugh, and roll over. Thank you guys for everything you do. I love you. That's definitely embarrassing, but I was worried that she actually broke her ankle at first, but I think she was okay. I think she powered through, but I've never heard pooper. She fell on her pooper.

That is great. That is funny. There's a video out there that this is so mean. when I was on Chelsea lately, they used to play it all the time. And it's, Kelsey Grammer is on stage doing some kind of speech. And he's talking, talking, and just suddenly falls off the stage. No. It was a stage that had like divvets in it.

And he didn't see it. And he walked into the way or there was like, no, the stage ended. And just went, whoa. Oh, my God. He was good. He was fine. But they used to play that all the time. I'm going to have to watch that. I think we're allowed to enjoy that now that he's a Trumpy. Yeah. I'm going to watch that. That's the worst nightmare that was like, yeah, tumbling off. Yeah. Stage. My other thing I get worried about is is my zipper down. Oh yeah. Got to check that. Because I have a couple of jeans. I feel like the cheaper jeans are getting the more the zipper keeps being loose. Absolutely. So I check that a lot. And I'm just, I don't, you know, bugs and stuff. Bugs, yeah. I don't know if people can see it when you're on stage.

Yeah. Well, that was great. Now I'm full of anxiety for my next show. Thanks for show. Yeah. Let's do another one. Hi, Tigman, Fortune. My name is Jenna.

I'm calling from just outside of Ithaca, New York. If you all have never been to Ithaca, I highly recommend visiting. We are very gay out here in the middle of nowhere. Yep. And it's a fun time. So my question for you, is what is one cork that or habit that you have that other people may find strange, but you actually find great comfort in it?

Oh, great. A quirk about ourselves? Yeah, that other people have noticed and found strange, but you like... But that we're into... Yeah. Okay. By the way, I happen to Ithaca. There is a hiking, there is a hiking trail there

with the waterfalls and it's beautiful. Oh, that sounds good. It was, I was driving through that area because that shows, I think, in Rochester and Albany, and I rolled through Ithaca. It sounds like a mythical elven place. It sounds like Iqabog crane. Yeah, follow the river to Ithaca. When you're there, you must, yeah, anyway.

I have a clerk about it. Yeah, what is yours? Well, I didn't realize I did this until living with. Parvety and she noticed that when I brush my teeth, instead of moving the toothbrush, I move my head. So I move my head the way it needs to go like that kind of. I mean, sometimes I'll do a bit with the brush, but mainly I'm moving my head around. But I do find that really, I didn't know I did that. Yeah. I mean, that's so funny because my quirk would be my fingers. Like I can't leave my hands alone.

Yeah. And I have had people in my life and my mom just did it the other day where she tried to grab my hand to keep me from doing it. And I've had other people be like, stop picking your hands. Yeah. But you like it. But let live, girl. I think they just don't want my nail bed to be fucked up.

Right. Which I understand. But it's definitely a weird quirk. And I don't necessarily love it. I think it's weird that we grow nails. Like, I guess evolution was like, you might need a weapon there. But then we have these little pathetic little nails that don't do shit, you know? Someone told me it.

I don't know why I've got so vulgar with that. Sorry. You really did. They don't do shit, these fucking nails. I don't know if this is true. But someone told me that your nails are like, it's waste coming out of your body or something. Is that true? I don't think so.

That's like, that's why your nails grow is like it's surface. Fingers are pooing that are coming? I don't know. It must have them growing. I don't know. It must be just so you can scratch someone or dig a little hole for your shelter. Can't be waste. I don't know.

I guess I could Google it, but who cares? Wikipedia says a nail protects your fingers. So it has a use. It doesn't really protect your fingers, though. It doesn't say anything about waste. It doesn't say it's waste. I don't think it protects your fingers because it's so, I'd rather my finger was all the way around finger because once that nail falls off, it's the most vulnerable, sensitive little part of your bod. You know what I mean? It just feels like a little Achilles heel.

Anyway, what does Jenna have to say? My answer to that question is that when my hair is longer, I twirl it and I actually find ways to feel how smooth it is between my fingers. I did this ever since I was a little kid, and now that my hair is growing out long again, because, you know, I'm doing a little queer mullet situation. I'm finding myself back into that little comfort quirk of mine. So I'm not mad about it. All right. Thank you so much.

I love a queer mullet. That's awesome. They're fun. Yeah. I'm my friend Joe is visiting right now, who I write with, and he has a, thing that for years I never asked him about it because I thought maybe there's something neurological going on or something like someone's up with Joe but you don't teach their own because he'd move. He'll be sitting there and his head will sort of start to move and he's looking

out the window like that. And then I found out that all this time for years he's been, he'll find a mark on the window and then he'll like line it up with something else in his vision. Like he's doing this whole thing anyway. I thought he just was losing his mind. Is that the same Joe that wrote the rom-com with Brett Goldstein? No, no. Oh, that's a different Joe. Yeah, this is, Joe wrote Feel Good with me. That's right.

Okay. We're writing a new show. I'm so excited about it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's spooky. Oh, another thriller. It's thriller, but it's funnier than wayward and tons of sex. That genre is clearly very popular.

Oh, by the way, that's the thing right now that people are really into. That show off campus, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, no, I haven't seen it. Okay, so it's the new young adults. Okay, I don't, I have to admit, I'm, I have watched a lot of the young adult content. Yeah, you like hot teens. The summer I turn pretty. Yeah.

But that somehow is very entertaining. It's so cheesy, but off campus is, um, the super hot show now with the like college age kids. It's hockey players. Um, but not the gay ones like heated rivalry. This is straight hockey players and they're in relationships. Lots of sex. Great.

So it's super popular and all the songs are blowing up from the show too, including G-Flips. No way. Who has asked a question on the pod, friend of the pod. G-Flip is having a massive hit with their song that is on the series. But yeah, it's the show right now and you know I'm watching it. Of course you are. I'm going to watch it. So I'm just saying when you fit, as you write your show, um, throw in all that stuff.

Cause it's some teens. They love, they love when they love when guys are shirtless. Yeah. They love one. And they're not teens. This is college people. College. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, they love it when they're boning. Yeah. I'll do. We'll get a lot of boning in. Yeah. I'm excited for, um, overcompensating season two. And also I've been watching, I've been watching Widows.

Bay on Apple. I don't know if you've seen that. It's like, I haven't. It's so effortlessly cool. It's kind of, it's about a little, a little town, coastal town that every week there's like a new horror thing. So like one week it'll be zombies. One week it'll be a serial killer. Next week it'll be like a sea monster. And it's just great actors. And yeah. Love it. I'll have to check it out. But I like overcompensating as well. We'll have to, we asked Benito like a year ago to two, I had some question and never followed up. He was so pumped to do it. But I like to say Benito.

Well, this was a joy. Yeah. What a treat. Check us out on our tours. I'll be in some fun places soon like Red Bank, New Jersey. And I'm announcing a lot of dates soon. So check those out. July 17th, I'm in Guelph, playing a lot of my album with a band.

So come and see that in Ontario at Hillside. or then right after that I'm going to Folk on the Rocks in Yellowknife and doing the same thing. So if you want to come rock out, please do. And please keep submitting your questions and your advice request to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod. We also have new merch at handsomepod.com. And we love you.

And we love him from you. And we love each other. We love the world. Until then, keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that the vintage T-shirt I ordered online is. isn't too vintage. I'm having buyers remorse. I'm okay with a little wear and tear, but this 80s band t-shirt I bought is mostly holes, and I need a little more coverage. Yeah, checking first is

handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.