Handsome - Rebel Wilson asks about good investments

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect, Bridesmaids, Jojo Rabbit) asks Handsome a very personal question on today's episode! Plus Mae's teenage tapes, Biggie's sensitive tummy, and more!You can still watch the replay of Handsome's live show in Austin, TX! Get your ticket here.Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that your burrito comes with extra salsa on the side so you can get every bite just the way you like it. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by booking.com, the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com, booking.yeah. When I go to a baseball game,

you know that my favorite part is when the whole stadium sings a song that we all know and love together. Take me out to Hawaii, take me out to the sea, book me a whale tour to see a humpback, I don't care if I never come back. So it's luau luau until midnight. If we don't have a feast, it's a shame. Book a gorgeous resort in the Aloha State for your next great stay.

Well, then you know what? The right stay can make you a fan of any US city. Book today on the Booking.com site or app, Booking.com, Booking.yeah. Booking.com wants to help make you a fan of any US city with a chance to win $1,000 in Booking.com travel credit. Head to the Booking.com Instagram page for more details. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents 18 and older from March 26 to April 13, 2025. All rules are available in the caption of the sweepstakes post. It is your friend Tig Notaro, one of three hosts of the Handsome Podcast. I am also one of the three hosts of this podcast.

You know me as May Martin and I'm joined by the third. The third Handsome Pod host, Forge of Hustor. Oh yeah. I set us up for an awkward intro, but what is new? I actually really liked that one. Oh, okay. I felt like you did something a little different with it. I did, and I thought I really threw things off.

It turns out I just nailed it again. Yeah, a little jolt in the morning. Nailed it. Nailed it again. I still sound sexy this episode. You sure do. Yeah, you really do. And you're drinking your tea,

which clearly doesn't work. No whiskey. Oh yeah. I think this is, it would cross over into me being worried if it's 8 45 in the morning, if you had whiskey. It is morning time. So part of it is that I have morning voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My voice is down here. My voice is up here. My voice is down here. It is crazy that boys wake up with boners. Like that's insane. I don't think we talk enough about that on this pod. No, we don't. We really need to dive into that more.

But you know, it's really funny as I just saying my voice is up here and our housekeeper is cleaning our bedroom and doesn't know I'm recording. And so I'm just in this room singing a high pitch. My voice is up here. Panty-hoodles. That's cheerful. Yes, now tell me this, were you both up this early and going and would this normally be when you're up and going or did you have to set an alarm

for this 8.45 a.m. handsome recording? As you know, I logged on at 8.49. I got out of bed at 836. I got into the shower fast. Whoa. Like just a rinse. Yeah. And then I jumped on.

Tell us more about it. About the shower. Go into more detail. What else? Did you have a loofah? I didn't loofah. I just used my macho body wash, lathered up the abs first. Later.

Just wash the abs. Your macho body wash, is it like that kind of cologne smelling body wash? Yeah, I've graduated. I used to use like Irish Spring, like teen boy kind of smell and now I'm using a Hinoki and sesame. I think it's a La Labo, but it is like basically cologne smell. I love it.

I do like the smell of La Labo. It's so good, isn't it? Yeah. But when you go in, there are too much when you go in there. I find it fascinating that men wear a masculine smelling scent and that women wear flowery smelling scent

because you're essentially, you would think it would be the opposite to like lure a woman somewhere would be to smell like flowers. Interesting. Oh, I know what I'm saying. Yeah. Interesting. That's something I think about all the time, my friends.

So my feeling is men should have the flowery scent on them. And not that obviously, it just depends on what your gender and sexuality is and that makes sense for the mix. But I'm talking about just the straightforward, typical male-female relationship of- Right, heterosexual men should be wearing feminine scents. Yes, to lure...

To attract the butterflies. Yes. Interesting, interesting. I don't wear... When I wear cologne, I have this... I have a little travel size thing I take. That is adorable. That is... Oh, stroking it on your cheek. Mont Blanc.

Do you wear men's cologne, Fortune? Yeah, it's the more masculine smell. Yeah, Mont Blanc, I know, I like that smell. Smells good. I don't wear anything. Yeah, Tig, you're very sensitive to smells, famously. Yes, famously. I mean, that's what I'm most known for,

is my sensitive sniffer. You get a headache? Yes, but I also just to like get out of a car if somebody has, especially a strong perfume. Um, I, I, or if people are burning incense or something. Yeah. I'm not an incense gal. Yeah.

You don't strike me as one. No, I don't like those old lady perfumes. I don't mind them on an old lady. That's true. I like those old lady perfumes. I don't mind them on an old lady. That's true. Like it fits. Do you remember in the 90s, I feel like every kind of vintage clothing store was burning nag champa, this incense, like thick incense.

Record stores too. I don't know if I'm familiar with it. I'm familiar with the record stores. I know. My brother used to light incense all the time and I was like this is disgusting Was he trying to mask weed smell do you think or so? No, I think it was during that era of you know, Nirvana Yeah, he was Nirvana incense. No, it was just like in that it was just in that world of like grunge and hippie Yeah, you know that unplugged Nirvana concert they did

with candles burning everywhere at MTV or something? Yeah, and I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't like that album, but go ahead. Whoa. We have some talking to do. Oh yeah, okay. Wow. I feel like that was very insensy.

Did you guys notice my sweater? So my new thing is I've decided I'm only gonna wear Phantom of the Opera merch from specifically ideally 1996 or 86 Pantages Theater in Toronto. So right before and right after the grunge era. Yeah exactly. Sandwiching the grunge era. This is every day? Yeah, this is like a new kind of fixation.

I found all these cool vintage t-shirts with Phantom of the Opera imagery and then this sweater if you're on YouTube is, I wore one in Feel Good too and I just really, I think if I can find some pants, some Phantom of the Opera pants, I'm good to go. Maybe you could find some Phantom pants. They definitely need your support. Yeah, especially the 1986 production. Yes. Now, I don't get it.

Why do they need the support? Because they went away. They're gone. Why? We got to bring them back. What was 1986? Oh, okay. I don't know if Phantom currently is on Broadway.

Isn't it sort of permanently on Broadway? The Phantom of the Opera is here. Did you guys ever go to the- Inside your mind. May please let her finish. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Everyone silence, please. She sings like a bird. I was just seeing how low I could go

with this current voice. Yeah, it's pretty low. The Phantom of the Opera is here. Pretty good. You know how the chandelier falls in it? No. Yeah, that's the big thing everyone's pumped about is at the end of the first half, it looks like the chandelier falls over the audience and everyone clutches their pearls. Pearls?

I never saw it. Are you guys into Broadway music? I know we've talked on the pod about Tig having the opportunity to maybe be in Chicago with Pamela Anderson. Did you say the opportunity? I love Broadway musicals so much. I love Chicago and I love Greece, but there's a lot that I don't love.

I love so many, so many of them. Really? The sun will come out again. Oh, I do love. Yeah, you're a housekeeper. I used to, when I went to New Oh, I actually love. Yeah, you're a housekeeper. I used to, when I went to New York, I used to go see multiple shows.

Really? I don't do it as much anymore because Jax isn't, she does not like Broadway musicals. Yeah. Wait, did you say when you were in New York or when you lived there? I never lived there, but when I would visit. Would you ever live there?

Like in short chunks, like for a project, but I don't wanna live there, live there. Yeah, you don't strike me as. It's too crazy, it's like too fast paced. Ha ha, move it buddy. Yeah, that was good. Thank you. Took me there, yeah, I feel the same.

I would, I don't think I could. Have you guys lived there? I couldn't, I'm the same, which is crazy. I just feel like it's too overwhelming. I lived there one time. I was in Brooklyn. I rented my friend's apartment for a couple of months and I didn't realize at the time that I was doing that

to get away from a relationship I was in. Really, why am I in another city right now? That you were currently in? to get away from a relationship I was in. Why am I in another city that you were currently in? Yeah, and I was just, like I didn't know how to get out of the relationship. And so it took me a while. I think somebody pointed it out to me. They were like, why did you do that? Feels like you're running from something.

Yeah, and then that ended when I got back. And then I worked on a TV show. Did you see shows while you were there? Did you see Broadway shows? No, I was just doing standup. And then when I was working on a TV show, I was just working and you know. I love at the intermission when you get a little ice cream and you look at your program and you're so sad if there's an understudy, oh my God, you're like, for fuck's sake. Poor understudies. I know, right? Did I talk about this? In London, I went to see a play with Kate Blanchett in the lead because my friend was in it and got me a ticket and it was incredible. To see Kate Blanchett on stage being so Kate Blanchett, I mean, she was being a character, but she's Blanchett. And then I had a little ice cream at the intermish. And it was as the lights were going down again, I thought, I guess it's pretty good, this ice cream. I don't know. It's kind of weird. It was coconut.

It was vegan ice cream. So it tasted like vanilla. And as you know, I'm allergic to coconut. So as the lights are going down, I'm like, fuck. And it was a really intense play. There's no good moment to get up and shuffle out. And I was not well in my stomach. Oh my God. So I couldn't go to the stage door

and see my talented friend. I had to run back to my hotel. And what happens? Do you have toilet time? Yeah, it's not pretty. I went and saw Sarah Paulson in her play on Broadway. Oh, my God. Last year. I bet she's amazing.

Oh, she's incredible and everything she does. But what was really wild was Woody Allen. And what's her name? Suni. Suni. Were there. What? Yeah.

That is bizarre. And what was even crazier was I was meeting, you know, the comedian, Gary Gullman. Yeah. I was meeting him there to go see it and he texted me that they're there. And it was so crazy because the play references incest and molestation.

What? Yeah. Why did they go? I don't know. Maybe cause he's like. It's his passion. Or he's just like firmly, I didn't do it. So why would that bother me?

You know what I mean? Or maybe he didn't know it was in firmly, I didn't do it. So why would that bother me? You know what I mean? Or maybe he didn't know it was in the, maybe he didn't know that was part of the story. I don't know, but it was already like, whoa, Woody Allen is here. Did everyone turn and look at him? I don't know, I didn't see him. And I'm assuming Gary wasn't lying to me

because he's a pretty straightforward guy. Yeah, and that would be a really toxic lie. Really weird. Be a real curve fall with Gary. But, um, and, uh, but then we were like nudging each other as all those different references happened through the play. We're like, Oh my gosh. Yeah. It was, it was really, it's weird when you see a celebrity watching a movie or a play. It's just weird to see them consuming... Have you seen it before?

No, I've never seen it. Actually, Helena Bonham Carter was at the Cate Blanchett play. I saw her like wacky hair and I thought, that's nice. I saw it before I knew Amanda Klutz. Yeah. She was at this taping that was just like, it was this huge celebration of Paul Simon. Like Stevie Wonder was there and all sorts of people.

But Amanda was there with, and I'm forgetting his name, but he's from, I'm forgetting the TV show. Oh my God. He did the New Jersey movie. Pete Davidson. No. Pete Davidson. There was Pete Davidson.

I don't know, I can't remember. The guy from Scrubs. Oh, Zach Braff. Zach Braff, I think she had good buddies. Yeah, they can't remember. The guy from Scrubs. Oh, Zach Braff. Zach Braff, I think she, good buddies. Yeah, they're good friends. And they were sitting like a row in front of me off to the left. And I was like, oh, there's that woman Amanda Klutz

and then that guy from the Jersey movie. But I was watching them just bounce around and go nuts. Listening to the concert. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you were not bouncing around like them? I am not a bouncer. Some people just know they could save hundreds

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And then maybe you want to be friends with her. Well, you know, after everything that she went through in 2020, I was always very, I followed her story very closely and I was so intrigued by her and the process that she went through and just specific to her. And then I just naturally met her. Yeah, I followed that. I followed her story too. And then met her through you, I believe, just knowing her and listening to the pod. She's awesome. Anyway, so I, but it was, when I saw her,

it was nice to see her having a great night out. I was like, oh my gosh, there she is. And she's enjoying herself. And it was such a nice feeling to see her happy. And jamming out to Paul Simon. That's the best when you're at a concert and you just like love the music and the singer and you just are in the zone, having the best time.

Yeah, have you ever gone by yourself to a concert and danced? I have gone to concerts by myself. I went by myself, I went and saw the Indigo Girls in Houston. It's nice to be on your own. Yeah. Well, I only went because none of my friends

at the time knew who the Indigo Girls were. Blasphemous. I know. You didn't have one lesbian friend in Houston. I didn't even know I was a lesbian friend. Oh, gotcha. I had seen them on, what was that show on MTV? 120 Minutes. That's also where I saw Nirvana. I went to Third Eye Blind by myself and I ended up hugging this stranger and he was

telling me his life story and then we like had our arms around each other saying, I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend. It was really nice. That was like the ultimate teen song. Oh yeah. So good. Speaking of which, my friend, one of my best, oldest friends from when I was 13, I always thought had deleted and taped over. We had hours of like camcorder footage

of us at 13, 14. Oh, amazing. Yeah, like jumping in fountains and malls and like being really obnoxious. Friends. Yeah, being friends. And then she found it and she just sent me some of the clips yesterday and I am insufferable. I'm like always smoking a cigarette and thinking it's so cool.

And I keep, yeah, like these videos are like 13 to 16 probably and so I'm dark in some of them and I'm really, I'm like talking about smoking the whole time, like being like, I love cigarettes. It's so crazy. But I have some good lines, like at one point I go, and I'm not trying about smoking the whole time, like being like, I love cigarettes. It's so crazy. But I have some good lines. Like at one point I go, and I'm not trying to be funny, I'm trying to be like poetic and dark.

Of course. Filming myself in the dark smoking. And I go, well, I'm from Toronto, born and raised. I'm 13. I go from Toronto, born and raised, which is what they say about cattle before they kill it. That's what I said. And I could tell I thought I stumbled on some real poetry.

And were you a vegetarian or anything? No. No, just thinking and feeling deeply. Feeling deeply. In the deep darkness. And we're getting a visitor here on camera. Oh yes, here we go. He's being squirrely because I think

Jax must be making breakfast. He has his arm up around Fortune's neck. He got a haircut. It looks gorgeous. He's a little teddy bear. Yes indeed. You heard me talking and said, is that my friend?

Mm-hmm. Yes. What do you think about that? Looking good, Biggie. And what does Biggie have for breakfast? Just like French toast, little marshmallow. He has a sensitive stomach kibble

and we top it. We have a little chicken flavored topper that goes on it. He has sensitive stomach kibble. Yeah, because he has a sensitive stomach. I figured. stomach kibble. Yeah, because he has a sensitive stomach. I figured. And then we put a probiotic in the morning in there.

Oh. And then. Look at his face while she's explaining all this. That is the best, go on. Just really look at his face. Every couple weeks or so, we'll open a can of sardines or mackerel, and that is the greatest thing of his life.

You gotta see him right now. Oh my god drop what you're doing and head on over to the YT. Oh my god he's good. Yeah he has his hair cut. I like the look. Yeah it's really good. Who does his hair? He's got a teddy bear cut. Fluff has the teddy bear cut right now. I call her a floofy bear right now. He must spell eggs because he's a sucker for eggs. Oh, he likes eggs. Yeah, if we make some we'll sprinkle a little on his food sometimes. How does he like his eggs in the morning? Okay.

Why did I know that? It's not a song. Wait, what are you talking about? Two against one. What is that? Wait, what are you talking about? What is it? Come on. I'm freaking out. How do you like your eggs in the morning? We heard you the first time. Then what's the rest of the song? Are you serious? Wait, wait, wait. Sing it one more time. Then maybe it'll sound familiar. You guess what the next line is.

It's famous, Thomas I bet knows this. How do you, nope. Thomas is shaking his head. What is happening? Sing it again, May. How do you like your eggs in the morning? Yep, don't know it. Okay, next line.

I like mine with a kiss. Who sings this? Are you kidding? Nobody knows this? If we were kidding. Boiled or fried, I'm satisfied. Boiled or fried. As long as I get my kiss.

Are you? I don't know this song. Am I being pranked right now? And I actually know a lot of songs. I know. I do too. I thought this was like an old standard. Who sings it? I have no idea.

Well, now we've got to Google. Dean Martin. Dean Martin. Well, now we've got to Google. Dean Martin. Oh, OK. Truth be told, I don't know a lot of Dean Martin songs. Yeah, thank you for being honest about that, for Chocome. Yeah, I didn't want to be dishonest. But May, if you could sing it one more time.

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Again, my housekeeper. I like them mold and fried and put in my morning. Again, my housekeeper. I like them all fried. In my mouth, I'm hungry. Yeah, so you do know it. Classic crooner. Wow. That's crazy to me.

That to me is like not knowing New York, New York. Really? I don't think they're the same. Really? I thought it was like. New York, New York's pretty famous. I wonder if I can't remember if it's a duet. The Dean Martin one, like if the girl answers, I like my eggs really nice. I like my eggs scrambled and I'm probably making them because it's the 50s and this is my job.

But it's also a romantic song about somebody's gonna be spending the night. Yes, that's true. That was the thing. There was a lot of innuendos. You didn't realize that, Mae? All those times you sang it? No, I guess you're right. I guess in my mind he's singing it in the morning, but you're right.

It's harder that he's singing it at night. In advance. He's going, he's saying to his mistress. He's saying, how do you like your eggs in the morning? I like my eggs scrambled around. Oh my God, wait. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight and tomorrow you're gonna make me eggs. Yeah, or tomorrow my wife will make you eggs. Yeah. Or tomorrow my wife will make you eggs. What a time to be alive in the 50s.

That was around the same time as I Really Can't Stay Here, Baby Is Cold Outside. A similar vibe to that song. Yeah. Kind of creepy. I really can't stay, I have to make eggs in the morning. The baby is cold outside. Did you ever use that excuse with someone? It's too cold. You shouldn't go.

No. In LA. Yeah. It's so cold outside. You probably should stay. It's sweater weather, babe. And you're just padding the other side of your bed. Yeah. It's too cold.

Dean Martin, he was in a movie with Marilyn Monroe and they hated each other. I forget what it was called. Anyway. What a tidbit. Just sorry. The ghost of Marilyn Monroe just whispered in my ear, make sure you say the thing about how I hated him. Oh yeah.

Wasn't that on an episode where she beamed in? An orb. Yes, she beamed in as in, we said, yeah, that was, I don't know what we were saying. I don't know, but she didamed in? An orb. Yeah, she beamed in as in, we said, yeah, that was, I don't know what we were saying. I don't know, but she did beam in. Yeah, she's my number one. Like my, yeah, she's my number one. Number one.

I said that so seriously. Would you sing to her? How would you like your eggs in the morning? Yeah, and she'd be like, happy birthday. That's all she sings? That's all she's saying. That's all she's. That's her response to everything. Is she your type? Like would you date Marilyn Monroe? She's like curvaceous. She's like twinkle in the eye. As we discussed on the Bonnie Ware episode, I like a twinkle in the eye. Yeah. So that's my type. You don't care about intelligence.

Bonnie Ware and Marilyn Monroe, two peas in a pod. Yes. No, I care about intelligence. That's where the twinkle comes from partly. Oh, okay. Marilyn was very clever. Was she? Yeah, well she went, I think so. I don't know. She went back to drama school before she died. She was like gonna be, I mean, she was, the movie she did before she died the Misfits she's incredible in that movie and you just see fuck she was gonna be amazing she was breaking out of the image that she created and that happy birthday yeah and then that's what we were in Maryland yes it is happy birthday I'm closing my eyes is Is this the ghost of Marilyn, maybe? It's Marilyn's orb.

Happy birthday. I'm closing my eyes and it sounds kind of like Cartman from South Park. Dear me. I'm wearing busy pants. Should we, should we get our question asked her? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it.

Today's question asked her is an Australian actress, comedian and producer, who achieved worldwide renown with her appearance in Bridesmaids. Then she went on to star in films like Isn't It Romantic? The Hustle and Jojo Rabbit. She stars in the upcoming action comedy film Bride Hard and you can't forget her from all the pitch perfect movies. Her real big big breakout role Rebel Wilson is asking today's question. Hi Hansons, it's Rebel Wilson here. So I mean what can I ask you? There's lots, like if we were sitting down right now,

I would just love to just like chat about so many things about business, but fortunately instead, like to ask one question. So, I mean, the political side of me wants to ask, what's your stance on guns in America? But no, that's probably not a fun conversation. Okay, I'm gonna ask you something very random. Because you're all very successful,

are you investing? So what kind of investments are you into to like, you know, build up your money that you worked so hard to get. I'm just curious. I'm curious about that. Oh, I'm glad she didn't ask about guns in America because I know we all have very different stances in the world. We could really get everyone should have them.

Just kidding. Um, do you think that my Australian accent sounds like Rable's? You know what? It wasn't far off. No. Nice question-esque. And I don't know how it is that every episode we have an Australian. Do you think your Australian listeners are pissed?

Or have had it with us. I mean, but how is it that every episode- I don't know, T. It just happens. I think when you're able to do a very good Australian exit, that's what happens. Oh man. I do wonder if we've upset people, do they enjoy it? Or appreciate the effort.

And that's a slippery slope. Once you start wondering if we've upset people, then you're like, oh God, what about Marilyn Monroe's estate? And then everyone's like, we're all upset. We were upset about this and I don't like that. Yeah. Apologies for all of the things you don't like or that upset you. We'll change every single thing.

We're going to make every adjustment to make everybody happy. We're not going to stop until every single listener is set. 100% of this one. Yes. We're going to re-record. Everyone has to agree on everything that we say or do. We all three, well first of all, even if we're two against one, like it or not, we still agree with each other.

But yeah, it's hard to make everybody happy. But I certainly hope that people have a sense of humor about Rise Up Lights. Rise Up Lights. And everything else, because all of it is for a good old time. Rise Up Lights. Oh yeah, yeah. And everything else because all of it is for a good old time. Silly times to make people laugh. It's just silly times. What do you think would happen if we went into chat GPT

or one of those things and said, write an episode of the Handsome Podcast? Oh. Like, cause they analyze every episode and do it in our voice, I think. Yeah. And then will they record for us the next episode? Yeah.

In an Australian actual. Oh, then we'll read our lines. Yeah. We'll do an AI episode. Oh yeah, like I'm curious what that would be like. Oh my gosh, that would be insane. Investments. Yeah, you know what first came to mind mind was I'm sure whether it's been on

this show or others I've shared about how my stepfather was not terribly supportive of me. He didn't quite get me and then after my mother died when we left her funeral he said this thing which I thought was incredible. He apologized for not being supportive and he said, I realize now that, because he wanted me to go into business or something, you know, he just did not get what I was doing. And he said, you know, I'm realizing that it's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parents responsibility to learn who their child is. Yeah.

And he said, and I didn't do that. And I'm sorry. And it was so touching that he came to that himself. And then what was even more touching was years later, when I had my own children. He and I were, my mother had died and, um, and he and I were driving somewhere when I was visiting him in Texas. And, and he said, um, TIG, I wanted to ask you something and see if you approved. And I said, okay.

Um, and he said, uh, I wanted to start college funds for Max and Finn. And I said, yeah. And I said, I wanted to start college funds for Max and Finn. And I said, yeah. And I said, oh, I said, yeah, I'm okay with that. And he said, but I wanted to let you know that I looked into different types of college funds and I chose the one that they wouldn't have to use for a four year college. They could use it for that,

but they could also use it if they wanted to become a Mason or they wanted to go to art school. And so he was so nice. Yeah. He was acknowledging that not everybody is taking the path that he believes they should take. Right. And it was so touching to me. That's really beautiful. Yeah, and so before he died, he started these college funds. And so every year, Stephanie and I continue to contribute to that.

That's so nice. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah, so that's something that- That's beautiful. When I, so that's something that- That's beautiful. When I was heavily involved with a woman and her small person, I had just opened a college fund for that small person when I got dumped. So the college funds go to me.

I'm sending myself to college. Oh really? I don't know how that works. So you can just like turn that- I just closed myself to college. Oh really? I don't know how that works. So you can just like turn that. I just closed it, yeah. Uh-huh, yeah. I'd opened like a, anyway, well maybe cut that out. Ah, leave it in.

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I can't, I can't use this now. Yeah, so true. It It bummed me out. And she would give us stamps to collect and coins. Yes. Stamp collecting used to be a legitimate way to save money, right? And I have the same birthday as Princess Diana, so she would give me all this. Congrats. Wow. That makes a lot of sense. That explains a lot. Oh my gosh.

And so I have all these random Princess Diana memorabilia. My grandma just always thought like, oh this stuff you need to collect and one day it'll be worth money. I mean, maybe that would be now, but- Do you still have it? Probably some of it's back at my mom's place and no one knows who knows where it is there.

Uh-huh. So she like believed in all that stuff, but with that being said, she was pretty, she was not great with money. And I would say my mom didn't pick up on being great with it either. It was just a lot of, my family used to have money long, long time ago. My grandfather was a very well-to-do contractor and he built houses and buildings and schools all over North Carolina. Very successful, died unexpectedly at like age 50 or something like that. And my grandmother had to take over everything

and just didn't really. Spent it all. Just went shopping. She just made bad decisions. Oh damn. Like they had a hardware business that she didn't like, she should have filed bankruptcy and she tried to pay all the debt.

It was just like, it came from a place of good hearted, helping people. Yeah., sending people to college. And then by the time I got here, there was no money. Everything was gone. So I grew up with people who knew what it was like to have money at one point and had no money. God, that's so frustrating as a kid to have people constantly like,

we used to have a lot of money. And here is your bond and your stamp. Happy birthday. Yeah. So it was very important to me as I got older that I did not make those same mistakes. So I didn't know what to do. I've had to learn as I've gone, but I am really proud. That's probably one of the things I'm most proud of in my career,

is having gotten so much more knowledgeable about business and money and how to save it and how to make money make money. And I never thought being a comedian that that would be required of me as well. And it's been tricky also learning it, because I hate math. But I just don't want to make the mistakes that were made prior, because I saw how it can go away, and you don't think it will, and how could it, and it can.

So I really try to be smart with, obviously I'm lucky to have a nice life. Part of that is because I don't have kids. Wait, I'm having a nice life over here. I know, but I can say, I can spend a little bit more on like, you know, trips and stuff, you know, and things that parents I find do a little bit more sparingly and just, yeah, try to invest in things. But it is scary though. Like the stock market is so scary to me.

Do you have knowledge of that, the stock market? I will say that part of the business, I have to trust someone else with my money and that is nerve-racking to me. Because for many years I did not invest and I was like, I don't want to be one of those people that gets screwed over by a business person or a investment person. I was so nervous. I still get nervous. Yeah. But you're, so you're in this. I'm in this thought, yeah, I'm invested. Like it doesn't, it doesn't make sense to me

and it scares me. It feels so. It's very scary. Yeah, and then it could crash and. I invest pretty conservatively though. Yeah, that's what people say to do. And you invest, you don't invest, May. No, no, I'm too, I'm, I guess my family also not great with money, like just like always rented.

My parents never bought a house till their 50s, I think. And my grandma, actually, but that was a wake up call. Like when I moved to England, my grandma got sick. The agent? The agent, yeah. And she was with the problem area. I forgot it was your grandmother who had quite the problem area. God, that was from early days. That was the first ever episode.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Seeing her at the end of her life, she lived a great, wild, fun life, and she never owned property. She made a lot of money as an agent, but she just lived a luxurious lifestyle. And then near the end of her life, that was scary because she got sick, she had to go into a home that was expensive, she was renting, she had to move into, yeah, like she just was panicked all the time about money and so I was like, okay, I don't want that. But I haven't done anything about it.

But I love buying the house, it was a big deal. That's quite an investment. Yeah, seriously. That's a good investment. I have scarcity mentality though, so I like to see my money in my account and I gotta get over that. Well, if you talk to any business person, they will say you shouldn't have just a book

of like money just sitting there doing nothing. That's like your basic business thing. I have a saving, like a high interest savings account. Yeah, if you have, I was about to say, if you don't wanna go to a star market, I mean, as far as investing in the things that go up and down, do like a money market at the very least.

What's that? Oh my God, I'm picturing you as somebody managing my money and you're like, as far as the things that go up and down, the technical, the- That's the level I need to explain to you. Your money's in there for like a certain amount of time and you can't get it out and it gets some interest over time. It's not as high of a return as like in the

stock market, but it's not volatile like going up and down. Yeah. I mean, some people are like day trading at home, right? Like they're just sort of become- Bless you. Oh my God, Biggie just sneezed. Blessings to Biggie. Blessings to Biggie. Can we please isolate that sound Thomas and crank the volume and just play it back?

That was the cutest sound I've ever heard. Yeah, pepper it through the whole episode. Yeah. Oh man. From there on out. I'm going to take Jackax that he needs to, I think he might need to go out. He sneezes and that means he has to.

Well he just means squirrely that you can use him in. But you gotta text Jax, like he won't go out by himself? Well I'm upstairs. Oh I see. Wow, I pictured you downstairs all of these years. Did you really? I did. He can't open this door and then he can't go down the stairs

but then he can't open the next door. Wait, he can't go down the stairs by himself? No, he can't. Oh, I was like, okay, this is spoiled. He can't open the door to go outside. That he would wait to be carried up and down the stairs. We do carry him up and down a lot. I have Stephanie carry me up and down the stairs.

Do you really? No. Oh, I would love to see that. But yeah, for years I didn't do anything. And listen, when I was coming up, my parents did not have the luxury of investing a dime. Every cent that came in went right back out. And we were actually in a lot of debt. My childhood was spent with creditors calling it eight in the morning every day. Rise and shine.

But if you have a little something, if you can try to have that money making interest. Otherwise it literally loses its value sitting there doing nothing. Hmm. Hmm. You're going to do anything about that, May? Well, you'll come around to it.

You came around to, you know, saving your money and getting a house. Yeah. And I have asked about a money market or something like that, something that's like low, low, low, low, low risk. You can't touch, some of them are like you can't touch it over a year. But you'll make something off of it. So it's not... What kind of percentage are we talking? I mean it's not a high percentage, but it's more making money versus losing value. Yeah. When I was in England, someone convinced me to invest in like a retirement fund that

I can't touch till I'm, I don't know, 60, I guess I should know, but I don't know. So I put some money. Almost my age. Right. I put some money in there and now I'm so mad about it because it's just in some British retirement fund. I'm scared I'm going to forget about it. Like how do I know what if... You're not going to forget about it. Like how do I know? Don't forget. You're not going to forget. Really?

No. I will say if you are going to invest more, what's the word? Not aggressively, but more whatever that word is. Boldly. Your retirement is what usually is the thing that people invest more boldly. Because the idea is you don't want to touch a retirement like a SEPI, you know about like an IRA, SEPIRA, things like that? Mm-hmm, no.

Okay. So when you make money, there's a chunk of it that you can put in an IRA or a SEPIRA, depends on how much money you've made in the year. And that money is, you're not taxed on. It goes into this account. But you can't touch it for like 20 years or something. Okay.

Yeah, that's like what I did in England. Yeah, and you can invest that more aggressively because for 20 years, the market is gonna go up and down. But you just, the whole point is that you don't look at it. You have to ride the wave. Ride the wave. See, that I like the sound of. But you wanna invest in these things.

You wanna put money into these things because you're not paying taxes on them. Yeah, okay, we gotta go for dinner. I would like Fortune to be my business manager. I mean, listen, there's so much I don't know and there could be a business person right now being like, that's right, but to, there could be parts of it I have a little off, but that's the idea.

To interpret the question more broadly, even I think investing in our health is the best thing we can do. That was another thing I learned. Now that I need to invest in. Like with my grandma too, I've learned that lesson too. I was like, I mean, not that, I mean, she was pretty healthy. Well, you know what they say is you don't want to be the richest person in the graveyard. I learned that lesson too. I was like, I mean, not that I'm, she was pretty healthy. So, you know what they say is you don't want to be the richest person in the graveyard. Hey, I love that.

I mean, but truly it's like, yeah, you want to invest in your, in yourself and your, your health and yeah. And your brain, all of it. Yeah. Well, now that I got the sauna, I'm gonna live forever. I just, it's heating up right now. That's a good investment, right? Cause I'll take it to another, if I ever move, I'll take it with me. It's like a couple grand.

Did you have to have like a specific, like a plug or something, or something put out there to run it? Good question. I had a guy install it. Yeah, it's like, it's electrical. So they ran a line it's electrical. So they ran a line from the house. So what is what is the heat coming from? You don't have like

a pile of coals in there or anything. It's like a radiator with some coals on it. Oh, okay. So you do? Yeah. And it's a it's cedar wood and it smells like nice wood and it's like it gets hot so quick and and it's on a timer so it won't stay on by accident. And then, yeah, I think I'm gonna go right, it's heating up right now. Nice. So you haven't done one this morning because you were sleeping

and then you took your little shower and then here you are. I took my little shower and then I'm gonna, after this, get in the sauna, then cold shower. Are you gonna wear your Phantom of the Opera shirt in the, what do you wear in the sauna? Are you just full blown naked? Good question. Thank you, thank you, fortune.

I wear boxers usually or a bathing suit, but yeah, I could go in the nude. I mean, it's my. The nude. In the nude. I'm gonna go with the nude. Do you wear a banana hammock? Oh my God, I should wear a banana hammock.

And stop it. Stop wearing a speedo in there. Should we hear Rebel's answer? Yes, please. I think I've been quite smart with my money coming up as a comedian and actress in Australia and in America and I bought properties around the world and done quite well in selling them after a certain amount of time. And then only more recently have I gotten into the stock market and listened to podcasts and I

learn about stocks and just like basic stuff like the simple S&P 500 and I'm learning. I'm still like a novice but yeah, I hope everyone's being actually smart out there. This might be the dumbest question ever but yeah. No, I liked that. I liked that question and I feel like it took us in such a different direction. Yeah. But yeah, it sounds like she's kind of doing what you're doing, Fortune, is trying to learn

the money ropes. Do you listen to podcasts? Podcasts about it? About it. No, I mean, there's so much I don't know that I, but I don't also really wanna, I'm not trying to be like a businessman person. I just know it's not something people talk to us about.

That's true. That's true. And it's not something that is expected for us to know. And I just think it's so important because even just the basic knowledge of it, the minimum things that you can do to just help build money. Even starting with, you know, when I moved to LA, I had $25 in my pocket. So it's not like I'm coming from a place of like, oh, I just invested my family's, you know, million dollars they gave me. No, it's like I started from $25 here.

And you have how much now? So much now. But like my first house I bought, like May, like May, I bought a first house. I did not buy it as an investment. I bought it because I wanted my own home. I wanted like a place to call mine. It was this cute house, 1600 square feet. And I loved that house. Loved

it. I lived there for over 10 years and ended up selling it and doing very well on it. But that was never my intention. But stuff like that, if you buy something that you love and put time in it, and sometimes that can pay off too. It's true. Yes, May? Well, I was gonna say we should acknowledge like how hard it is for this younger generation like that would cost a living is going crazy

and like our parents, you know, just yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell. It's for sure gotten very difficult to buy a home. Mm-hmm. But you can buy a stamp. And if you learned one thing from this vodka. Invest in Princess Diana. Invest in stamps and Princess Diana coins.

I can't believe that you have a birthday with Princess Diana. And now the stamps, before we wrap up here, the stamps that your grandmother got you of Princess Diana, are they the ones that you buy off of TV? Probably. Okay. My grandmother, again, not the smartest with money, would, do you remember the Publishers Clearing House thing? Yes. She would buy all these cassette tapes

because it would help you get your name in a raffle to try to win money for that. She was always buying stuff like that. I see. Now you're wasting money. Actually, have you guys ever been into the lottery? Do you buy lottery tickets? I don't.

I will like once in a blue moon, but it does just feel like I'm burning money every time I do it. Right. Burning $3? How much are they? Anywhere from $1 each to $20. Oh, I see. Depending on what you buy.

I've been with friends where they're like, let's buy lottery tickets. And I'm like, yeah, sure. But it never cross, I've never like. The scratch off ones are fun. I don't like the, I don't like using a coin to scrape that weird metal stuff. Like, I hate that.

Like, I don't think I really realized it until this moment. I hate that gray like, I don't think I really realized it until this moment. I hate that gray metallic stuff you scraped. I actually didn't realize either until you said it. No, I'm like, thank you for saying that. Absolutely. Thomas is nodding. Finally. Fortune, are you on board?

Yeah, I hate that gray stuff, but I do like to win. The worst is people will give those as presents. And you do hear those stories every now and then where they gave it as a present and won like $2 million. One of the things won $2 million and now the people are fighting over who gets it because they're like, we bought it. They're like, you gave it and it's a whole mess. There should be a rule about the other. Yeah. What is the legality of that? over who gets it because they're like, we bought it. They're like, you gave it and it's a whole mess. So I'm all like- There should be a rule about the other. Yeah, what is the legality of that?

Cause I- If you give it away, you gave it. I think if you give it away, it's not yours anymore. Right, right, right. That is silly. All right, well that was fun and different and interesting. Thank you to Rebel Wilson for that question. Thank you.

Absolutely. And everyone, if you can be smart with your money and make your choices because it can go away, but also enjoy your life. Yeah, you got to find the happy medium. The happy medium is where it's at for sure. For sure. What do you guys got coming up? Well, I'm on the road like a crazy person now.

I am in my new Taking Care of Biscuits tour, all new material, so if you saw my last special, this is brand new. This weekend I'll be in, or tomorrow, I'll be in Rockford, Illinois, and Columbus, Ohio. Rockford, Illinois is where Natasha Legiro is from. Oh really, I didn't know that. Yeah, now I know.

Yeah, I'm gonna be at the Hard Rock. Nice. On Wednesday night. Columbus, know that. Yeah, now you know. Yeah, I'm going to be at the Hard Rock on Wednesday night. Columbus, Ohio, Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Baltimore, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, and Vegas are coming up and tons more cities just got added. Well, I also want to mention that the documentary that I produced, Come See Me in the Good Light, about Andrea Gibson and Meg Fowley, two incredible poets. It's going to be hitting the, and has already started hitting the festival circuit. And so really check that out, because this movie is not to be missed. It will be available further down the line this year

on a streamer, but I'll announce that later. But for sure go see this in a theater if you can. It is so powerful. And as far as standup, I'm gonna be June 14th, I'll be in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, August 23rd, P-Town, and then go to Tignotaro.com for all of my dates and local shows in Los Angeles at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter.

Come on out. I am April 25th at Largo in LA, and I think announcing some new music shows coming up. So check out maymartinmusic.com, and there's cool, I've got a very cool merch on there as well and you can buy my vinyl album which really helps or listen to it on Spotify. The album is called I'm a TV and that's it. Great. Can I ask real quick, how did you come up with I'm a TV? Well, my friend recently asked me, does it stand for I'm a transvestite? And I was like,

nope. But my friend, I don't know, it's a lyric in one of the songs. And it's like, I guess in my head, it was about like how we all are so full of like other people's projections and static electricity and all the noise of our culture. And if you, anyway, whatever, titles are hard. And that's why you wear your hat now with the. The tinfoil hat. Yeah, you're no fool. You need to get a tinfoil Phantom of the Opera face too. There's a lot I gotta get.

Yeah. Phantom of the Opera. Okay, Fortune, we have your headshot and resume. The Phantom of the Opera is there. Okay, Fortune, we have your headshot resume. We will be in touch. Let me know if I get the part. Okay. Happy birthday to you. I can also be Marilyn Monroe in the Phantom.

You're gonna get May going. Yeah. Well, please share this episode or an episode that you like with your friends and loved ones and help us build the handsome community. You guys are awesome. Thank you for listening. Oh, and thank you to everyone who came to our live shows.

Yes, off the charts. Oh my God. Incredible. Off the charts. That was such a cool thing to get to do. Yes, hopefully we'll have some more of those live shows coming up and some streamers. Oh, and I believe that the link for the Austin show

is still up right now. You can still get it until this, it's available until this weekend. So if you missed our live show in Austin, so fun, so funny. Buy the link. It'll be. Talk about a good investment.

Yeah. Yeah. It lasts a week. You can go to our Instagram page and it'll have the link to get that and you'll have it through the weekend. All right. All that remains.

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