Handsome - Samara Weaving asks about unhinged moments

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

Samara Weaving (Ready Or Not) asks Handsome to share their most unhinged moments, and the hosts (OK, one host) deliver in R-Rated fashion! Skip this one if the kids are in the car! Plus, a message from Alanis, Mae running around, and a major hot tub update from Fortune.Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTube and HuluThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The Handsome Ah Nod Pot We're only three years into this Yeah

That's it That doesn't make sense Does it? That's Tignotaro over there Oh yes, I'm Tignotaro And that's Fortune Femstra over there And I'm May Martin

Yeah, you're there too He's like, I got this I'll handle this on my own I'll take this. Hi, you guys. Hi. How are you? I'm so good.

I'm on the road with my drive-through headset. Yes, yes. Can I take your order? You're still in Toronto, take? No. I did a show in Calispell, Montana. Oh, it was pretty up there. It's really pretty.

And it's also really bright out until very late. Oh, wow. Yeah, when I got out of my show at 9 o'clock, it was just, Shurping. Yeah, it was just bright as the day. And I was so confused and I was so tired. And, but yeah, it doesn't get dark until 10 or 10.30, something like that. That was how it was in Stockholm.

Yeah. It got dark at like 1045 and then it was light again at like 3 a.m. It's wild. But I slept pretty well. last night. Oh, good. I was unconscious until about five minutes ago. Oh, really?

Because I just can't fall asleep. So I, well, I could. But I don't. What are you doing at night? When you're, I'm eating snacks and I'm watching Outlast at the moment. This new show, people have to survive in the jungle. But you have to be on a team in order to get the prize money. So people are.

You love to watch people survive. I love to watch people survive and suffer. I just want to see people in very uncomfortable positions have to figure out how to live. But more importantly, what snacks? Oh, man, I had sun chips, Oreos, an ice cream sandwich, birthday cake flavored. I mean, I really went to town. These are good snacks. And is this, like, how often are you having snacks watching people survive?

That's such a funny thing to think of all of these people trying to survive. And you're sitting at home just eating ice cream sandwich. They literally, they just ate a snake that they caught and it was the first protein that they'd had in days. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It is a crazy show. No, and when I'm left to my own device is that I have a hard time making the transition from into my bed. I'll just postpone it.

I'll just sit, you know, yeah. And I drove home late last night. That doesn't matter. No, it doesn't. But I was wired because I've been on the highway at like 11 p.m. Which I rarely do. Yeah. It makes me really electrified.

I do love that you're driving now. It makes me very happy. It makes me a little nervous. It's like our baby grew up. I will say last night when I parked in Venice and I was like Austin Powers trying to park his little thing. I couldn't parallel park and I was bumping both cars on either side of me, repeatedly trying to...

Oh, little cowboy. I couldn't get in. I was the worst... And then a guy walked by and I went, yep, and he kind of left to me. It looked like, yeah. Yeah. That happens.

Did I tell you guys the time, when I first moved to Los Angeles and I worked at that little Frida's coffee shop and I was standing out in the parking lot, which was very tiny. It only, I think it only fit like three cars. And I was... This is one of those, like, moments where I'm like, My head is so far in the clouds. I can't even believe I didn't track what was happening.

I was standing there talking to another comedian after there's a Thursday night comedy show at the coffee shop. And I'm standing outside talking to another comedian. And there was this car doing that little cowboy 50 point turn trying to get out between. And I was like distracted talking to the comedian trying to help. only to realize my car was what was in the way. Like I could have just gotten in my car and moved it like a foot or two. And I made some comment to the comedian where I was like, I was like, oh God, I hope they don't like slam into my car. And they were like, that's your car?

I was like, just move it. I was like, right. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Guys, I have to tell you something that happened last night. Oh, okay. Please. I get a text.

Do you know the actress Patty Guggenheim? Uh-huh. I know, Patty. I feel like we've talked about her before. Patty has a role in the hawk, in the golf show coming out. Oh, yeah? Okay. Okay.

I think I do now. I'm Googling now, but yeah. Okay. Well, I get a text last night before I went night night. Tigg, it's Patty Guggenheim. I have a message for you from Alanis. Oh, yeah, because Patty helped write Alanis's stage show.

Okay, oh my God. Because Alanis was doing like a Vegas thing or something. Okay, I don't have those details. Patty works with Alanis. Okay, so I'm like, what is this? And then I press on it. And it's this. Is that Taylor Dane?

Wait. That is Taylor Dane, okay? And that's from Alanis? That's from Alanis. Okay, yes. And I'm freaking out. And I said, this is hilarious, but when you say Alanis, I assume you mean Taylor Dane. And she said, ha, ha, ha, no, Alanis wanted me to send you this video of Taylor Dane.

Oh my God. And so all I could think is another connection with Alanis that May didn't have. Okay. But this is, but this is so crazy. It's like she's trying to avoid you. It's like she's, I like to think of it like she's circling me like a shark and she's just picking off. No, she's not. It's just a matter of time for you all have your moment.

Okay. No, May is not going to have a moment with the land. I'm like trying to go to bed and Alamos is blowing up my phone through Patty Guggenheim. That is so funny. But wait, Fortune and I, well, I have an Alanis update as well. So this is crazy. That's right. You do, yeah.

So fortunately. Should we make Alanis the fourth co-host? I think we should. The amount that we talk about her. And Cape McCoochee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can like rotate out with each other. And ginger.

And ginger for sure. So I get to Largo and, you know, Fortune's doing my Largo show two nights ago. And the tech guy at Largo, he and I have talked about Atlantis before. He tours with her sometimes. And he does guitar tech and things like that. And so he goes, I got something for you, kid. And then he brings this plastic bag into the, and at first it's like just picks and stickers. And I was like, oh, cool, from the Atlanta tour.

That's so cool. Then he produces this. What is this? This is a small box. Harmonica? Yes. It's the harmonica that she plays on tour for the song, one hand in my pocket. No.

Let me tell you. And is she now like, where's my harmonica? She's blown her sit into that. May. Someone stole my harmonica. I know. May Martin stole my harmonica. Well, I was like, I thought, oh, she gifted this to me?

Like, did you talk to her? And he goes, no, I just, I asked around and just took it from the drawer. And I guess they have hundreds of them, but she's played this on stage and it says, hand in my pocket. But listen, even if it was labeled, if you've ever had any belief in, like, mysticism or energy, if it wasn't labeled, I would still, when I put in my hand, I felt a jolt of energy. You feel her power. She's powerful. Also, keep in mind, she did not give that to you.

I think she would sanction the gift. I would love it if she were listening to this right now. I'm like, Oh, and she is. What? Why is my harmonica there? Can I play into it?

I'm looking for that thing. Wait, but that's actually my favorite one. Atlanta's blew her spit into that though. I know. It's like we're kissing. And she would have run, she would have run back and forth on stage. You've seen how she.

Like that harmonica too. Wait, you're telling me she ran across a stage with that in her hand. She like sprinting. While she's like, you know. Running around. As someone who's been on stage with her. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

And I'm listening because I'm someone who receives a text from her. Oh, my God. She does play it as she goes across the stage. Can I feel confident walking, hair flowing. back and forth. I used it. My parents used to, we used to go to Greece a lot in the summer, and there was a church there that had like an artifact from a saint.

It had like the old skeleton toe of Saint-Spiritan, and it had an energy. And this feels like an artifact from a saint. I love it, May. A saint who did. That sounds like her. Okay. Can you get up and run around?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. While you do it, let your hair flow. in my pocket. Yeah. Go to Hulu. Go to Hulu right now. I love this for you. I think it's going to just take you into a new realm of.

May's headphones weren't on when we were saying that. Oh, by the way, during that same show, during that same show take you. Yes, fortune. It was the most incredible moment. Because May has a thing where people will ask questions and pulls out stuff. Oh, you're like a question. Yeah, fuck it.

With the audience writes question. Blaney was just like, oh, feel free to pull out anything if you want at any point. I was like, oh, really, aren't they for May? And he's like, yeah, just pull one out. And I'm like, okay. And so I go on stage, I do a few jokes. And then I pull one out.

And it says, be more confident. I'm like, Jesus. Be more confident. Wait, what does that mean? They were telling May to be more confident, but it was like all caps with all these exclamation marks and I was like, holy shit. Like this is like stop yelling at me, you know? Yeah.

Also, I am always like I know maybe I have some vulnerability but like I've never seen it. You couldn't go on stage if you weren't confident. That's right. There's got to be some. You couldn't do half of things. Also, from here on out, all of our fans and listeners need to accept us for exactly. who we are. Oh, I like that. Yeah. We accept you exactly for who you are. Yeah. And let's just move forward with that. I think they deserve, I think they're just probably really into May and just, you know,

sees May self-deprecation sometimes as not being confident. But I have a feeling if I actually was super confident, my career would end. Like, they wouldn't like it. I think you're doing just fine. We all bring a little something special. Yeah. That's right. Okay. I hope that Alanis doesn't get mad that I have this. She's not going to get mad.

She's probably, no, she's going to call the police. She's laughing of anything because it's pretty funny. Oh, man. She's going to call the Canadian police that don't carry guns. The Mounties, they're going to come on their horses to run us. She'll probably reach out to TIG and talk about it. Oh, my God.

She'll be like, how do you deal with that person? Oh, I'm going to text Patty. and I'm going to be like, guess what? May stole Alanis's harmonica. Pass it on. And it's confidently dancing around their office. I just love that Alanis is the through line of the handsome pod. Yeah, and I was also so, I was, it gave me a weird, incorrect window into Patty,

where I was like, how out of touch is Patty? that she thinks Taylor Dane is Alanis Morissette. Oh, right. You thought she just got the wrong. I thought she was like, oh, look at Alanis Morissette. And I was like, this is not Alamos Morissette. Also, that means Alanis really has a knowledge of your work. That's very cool.

That's a Tig classic. That's a Tig classic. And I'm very familiar with Alanis's work. Yeah, you are. Hell yeah, yeah. I don't have her, her Monica yet. I mean, I'm just relieved she doesn't have your number to send you that directly. Oh, I'm going to get it.

We're going to make sure that Alanus has our phone number. Yeah, I'm going to reach out to Patty and say, you pass these digits along to Alanus. I just want, if Alanis is listening, I want her to know. And she is. What up, girl? I just want her to know, it's, I wouldn't be weird. Like, I, I, I, I, you know, like I'm proving yourself wrong already. I know.

I promise you. It won't be weird. I won't be weird, dude. That's like people that are like, I'm not a stalker. I'm not, I'm like, I'm not. And you're like, okay. I'm very calm. I don't fly off the handle.

I just think that we would get along. We have a lot in common. And yes, she is like my, my Robert plant, my, my Zeus in a way. She said, God. I mean, that wouldn't make me weird. I would be a really fun, cool friend. Well, again, as someone who's been on stage with her, I can attest that, I, she provides such a soul connection when you look into her eyes that I had a tear roll.

I'm not joking. Tear rolled on my face after locking eyes with her. She's a powerful woman. I was crying when I got her indirect text to Patty Guggenheim of, you know, Alanis's footage of Taylor Dane set to me. I wonder where Taylor was performing. Yeah, some awards show or something. Yeah, it was an award show.

It blows my mind that Alanis owns a phone. It doesn't feel like she would communicate telepathically. Oh, my God. The other funny moment from the Largo. You just also revealed that you would not be a normal friend if you can't even imagine that this woman would have a phone. I'm sending her smoke signals. Yeah. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds of

on car insurance. Not checking for handsome fan art when I check social media? Missed opportunity. Nothing puts a smile on my face like seeing the art y'all make out of our silliness. So why am I watching videos about horseshoes instead? Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Wild Grain. Wild grain is the first baked from frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, artisanal pastries, and fresh pastas.

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Now available in Canada, too. That's quince.com slash handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash handsome. The other funny part of the Largo night was so Fortune arrived after the show had started. So I was on stage and Fortune was going to be on first and then did her set so funny, such a great set. And then later in the show, I was on stage and I felt this like presence in the wings.

And I look over in like Flanny and Michael and Larker. We're just staring at me. These are all people that work at. Yeah, that work at Largo. And fortunately is. We're staring May down, hardcore. Looming in the wings. And so I'm like, did I do something wrong?

what's happening? And then they just come out in Fortune's like, I have to go. So we should do the photo now and just take the photo on stage. They told me to do this. It was really good. They were like, May really wants a picture. And I was like, I have to be up at 4 a.m. And they were like, they said May really wants a picture with you. Or of all, everyone. I wasn't like, guys. That sounds like May if I know May. Guys, I won't be weird. Just try to get a picture of me in Fortune. You know how they do the group picture in the beginning.

And I was like, well, I'm happy to do a picture, but May's on stage. And then they were like, I was like, what if I just stand in the wings and do a thumbs up with May in the background? I thought that was a good option. That would have been great. And they were like, or we just like, you just go out there and take a picture. I'm like, I said, well, not. They almost went during, you were full on talking about something. I would go, let's like wait for applause.

Thank you. Thank you. But what if the applause never came? No, a pause. But the pause for sure is coming. It was fun. They had a really good crowd. It cracked me up.

They, May is beloved. Oh my gosh. Largo audiences are just so nice, always. It's funny because there's certain comedians and performers that get so nervous to perform at Largo. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. People are like.

I find it to be the best place. Oh, it's so great. but I feel like it has this like mystique lore or something or like... Yeah, yeah, where people are like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm at Largo. I don't, you know, I feel like this audience

might be like too like snobby and it's like, no. I mean, yeah, they're such a great audience. Yeah. I felt super like starstruck by that venue when I first moved to L.A. I think I'd seen Flanney, the owner, I'd seen him interviewed in like,

Elliot Smith documentaries and stuff about Elliot Smith. I was like, yeah. Yeah, it blew my mind. Yeah. It's a cool place. It lives up to the height. I got home that night or I went to Parv, I think, that night. And then I told par of your entire set, fortune, word for word, in your accent.

Yes. She loves a ginger anecdote. So I did like the whole set and we were crying laughing at your set. That's amazing. It was great. That's so cool. I love that. You were talking about your.

European trip with her. Yeah. And is that going to be part of your new material or is it just like an anecdote that you? I don't know. I went on stay because I didn't have a lot of new stuff to work out and I hate like missing an opportunity to do a set and not put something in there new. So I just kind of chatted about it up top. And I was like, there might be something here. I could because I do a whole bit about taking my mom on a game. cruise so I feel like those things could be tied in. Yeah.

Let me tell you. There's some, I mean, you got to tell about the, uh, the carry on luggage being a trader Joe's cooler bag is really cool. A whole hour on your mother. You could do a one woman show about Ginger. You should call it Ginge. Ginge. I mean, people would eat that up.

I know, but like you could actually do a whole hour show that would be. be like in her honor and people would just devour that. Yeah. I'll produce it. Anyway. By the way, I just got a, I got a sauna because I want to be like May. Tits out sauna? Have you used to?

Oh, and the tits out hot tub is being fixed. There's a lot going on. I knew that. So you went with fixing the hot tub and not your tits? You didn't want to lower your tits? I felt it easier to do this than to fix my tits. I got a little sauna and it's infrared. I'm very excited.

I haven't used it yet, but I've heard it's good for your heart health. Oh, it's good for everything. If you use it like four times a week, your general longevity goes up like 40%. And also maybe you could do some spells in it. That's what I do. Oh, I don't. I've never cast it. a spell.

Oh, my God. I would need your help with that. You might have to come over sometime. And do you cast spells with tits out? Yeah. Like, is that best to like? Yeah. Best to be flying free.

Yeah. Well, so I wasn't sure. I was like, do I want to fix the tits out hot tub? I do love it. It's called a tits out hot tub. So there's that. Oh, my God. Yeah.

You can start a company. For sure. And then the guy that's helping me do some interior design, he, he measured it. And he goes, oh my God, this is, this bench is really high. I go, I know. That's why it's the tits out hot tub. My tits are out. And he goes, we need a nips in hot tub.

And I was like, I know. So we got a quote. And it wasn't too bad. So they are, they lowered it quite significantly, though. So the water's now going to come up to like almost my chin. But I did do a bench at one bench higher. so that if any short people come over, they won't drown. That's very thoughtful.

I think I'll still call it the Tits Out Hot Tud, though. Oh, my God, of course. Yeah. I just love the idea of you driving a van around that says Tits Out Hot Tub by fortune. Get out of comedy and get into Hot Tubbing. It's pretty funny you had to pay for it, though. The company should fix that. I had to pay.

Yeah, I should have to pay for it. because it's a personal preference. And it's a personal problem with your tits. And my tits are low-hanging fruit. So now it's going to be nipsen. It is funny, though, on tour, how many people bring up the tints on top? I bet. The image is really striking.

I was going to say there's no better thing to think about when I'm like flying through the sky, heading to a new town. I just think about Fortune's tits out in the tub. So what do you get? So what kind of, is it a barrel sauna? No, it's just the box. It's just the box. It's a two person.

It's standing like three person, but there is no world in which three people would fit in that. It's a tour. An infrared. So I can't have a friend join me if any of the handsome pod wants to go in there. What if they sit on? your lap. All three of us did it. One of us is sitting on a lap.

Great. Let's do it. I'm okay with that. Put that on the list, Thomas. All three. Triple sauna and then tits out time. A handsome sauna. Yeah.

You're going to really, I think if you do it before bed, but you'll need to like, yeah, because it increases melatonin and stuff. Oh, okay. But you'll have to shower after or something because you'll be real sweaty. You know, Fortune doesn't like to clean. I'm putting phicus up in front of it so that I can go in there, cooter out. Yeah, so the paparazzi doesn't like get pictures of your... So my neighbors aren't seeing this, you know?

Cooter out. I want to go cooter out in this thing. Yeah. This, your backyard tits out, cooter out. It's the ficus is better, better be... The ficus is necessary. Trust me. Gams ablazine.

Gams are gammin. Gams. Gams, cooters, tits. It's all going on in Fortune's backyard. I'm a piece of meat in my backyard. Hey, girl. A filet mignon. Anyway, that's what's happening in my life.

Yeah. Very exciting. I'm just getting texts from Atlanta. So I'm about to have a weekend where I have, oh, never mind. actually. I have no plans, but then I remembered I'm going to go to Dyke Day at Pride tomorrow. It's like Pride again in L.A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do two different prides now in L.A., so I get very confused. Do they? Don't they have the West Hollywood

pride too? They have the West Hollywood one now, and then they have the L.A. one. They used to all be one, and somehow the organization split. So now there's two. But I like that you're going to Dyke Day. Yeah, I thought, yeah, I'm going to go. I have a couple of single friends who want to go. And so I'm going to go and try to make it. Yeah, yeah, and try to sort of. And is Dyke Day like?

I think it's inclusive of just like people with vaginas. I think it's like the focus is like a fab people. I just started using that term. AFAB. What is it is? It's assigned female at birth. Oh. So it's so it could be non-binary people.

It could be. Is it like a butcher type situation? No. It's literally, yeah, just like, the way West Hollywood's kind of more gay guy focused, this is more like, yeah. I see. I went one year and it was, it's, it's, it's, the way like West Hollywood is like, and it's, this is like barbecues, dogs. Everyone's reading kids running around.

Not barbecued dogs. Barbecued dogs. Barbecues space. Yeah. You know, classic dyke. know, a barbecue dog. No, they're over there rescuing dogs, if anything. Oh, I have something cool.

What? Well, so I had followed this. I saw on Instagram this thing that was lesbian oil wrestling. And they do these events. They do events that look really cool. And I followed them. And then they DM me.

And I said, what's your next? For you to wrestle? Yeah, they just said, thanks for the follow. And then I said, when's your next event? I want to come. It looks like a part. party and they go, we'll have one. They message back.

They said, we'll have one whenever you want to have one. We'll organize one. That sounds like a May party if I've ever heard it. I was going to say this is like. So I said, I don't, I don't, I just want to come watch. Like I don't want to. You don't want to co produce this party. But then they just emailed me and they said, would you like to emce the lesbian oil wrestling event in

LA on July 3rd? And I said, of course, I said, can Parvati and I co-emce it? Oh, that's special. Can we also wrestle? And they said, yes. So we're going to, we're getting involved. I'm sorry. I might have to go to this.

When is this? July 3rd, will you come? I'm not going to be around. Oh, I don't know if I'll be in town. I don't know what the vibe is. I guess I could helicopter in. I don't think it's like an orgy. I think it's legit.

No, I don't think anyone's having sex. What do you mean you don't think it's an or? Why? I wasn't even thinking of it. I was thinking that. Oh, my God. Classic May. And by the way, I don't think that barbecue is going to be an orgy.

May is like, at what point are people doing it? I just like the idea of getting that aggression out in a safe arena. Everyone covered in oil. Like, there's something really fun about it. I think you wear mouthguards and stuff and you just, I throw down. That sounds like a living hell. I know. I don't want to be.

Living hell. Really? Living hell. Well, you know, I don't like to be oily either, but I think I could get over it. I think people would pay big bucks to see you in Parvety oil wrestling. Oh, my God. People would pay big bucks to see you just oil your body down. Well, I think the two of them are destroying me.

Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. She is ripped. This is a break the internet kind of video. You need to put it on line after. I think I'm going to start working out now. And I'm going to. What?

Because you're already super fit. Don't you already work out? I mean, I've seen her, like in a competitive situation. I've seen her like on a... You've seen her survive on an island. Yeah. I've seen her like dislocate someone's shoulder by accident on survivor. Or maybe that wasn't her.

I think that was her friend. But she can throw down. Yeah. So she's got like a strong center of gravity and I'm a bit of a noodle. So I'm going to really, I'm going to start. Well, I think July 3rd might be too soon. And then. Yeah.

Can we move this? Can we move the date? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the end of July. Yeah. Yeah. No, July 3rd, it's got to be.

Oh. And then Fortune and I could do commentary. That's right. You guys will be like the two Muppets. Yeah. While you're wrestling, we could, oh my gosh, we have to do it for a live stream. Live stream. Yes.

Yes. I don't know. I think I want this to be like Fight Club. I want this to be just for the memories. Well, it would just be for the live stream. We don't have to put it out anywhere else. If you're doing it just for the memories, then just like oil yourself up and down and do it at home.

I think the atmosphere is going to be electric. You do have the ability to do this whenever you want. We're going to emcee throughout, and then I think we'll wrestle at the end. But I think the people who participate are like really good at this. Yeah. But keep us posted. I will.

I will for sure. Should we get to our question? Let's do it. Yeah. I'm going to think about this. Yeah. Thinking about May getting all oiled up and I'm thinking about Fortune's tits out, which is my normal go-to.

We're giving a lot of people some good stuff today. They really are. Today's question asker is an Australian actor and model who starred in movies like Ready or Not, Caroline, Caroline, Babylon, and Scream 6. Samara Weaving is asking today's question. She and I are Instagram friends. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and she seems so funny and cool.

Is she Australia? Oh, yeah, you said Australian. Australian, yeah. Should I do my Australian? I was going to say, here it comes. Chitaevalopez, razor blades. Don't come for me, Tony Colette. Hello, handsome pod.

It's Sam weaving here. I am absolutely honored to ask you a question. I'm a huge fan of all you, woofie, woofing. Jones. Okay. My question today is, what is the most unhinged thing you've ever done? You know, where you're going, this one would say, I've lost my mind, but I did it. I can't wait to hear your tales. Oh, wow. I do love the Australian accent. What was that last thing she said? Can't wait to hear your tails. Oh, oh, oh. I can't wait

to hear your tails. Can't wait to hear your tails. Can't wait. Can't wait to hear your tails. Can't wait to hear your tails. Can't wait to hear your tails. Well, gosh, that's going to take me a minute to think of because I don't consider myself an unhinged person.

Yeah, I love the word unhinged is so specific. So this is not like regular anecdotes that we've shared on the pod. This is like something that you're a little bit like, what does this say about me? Right, right. And you guys have one off the top of your heads?

Off the top of your tits out. I think I have, I mean, yeah, I think I have like a change. Oh, God. Yeah, I bet this is pretty unhinged. That laugh leads me to believe something's coming our way. I'm thinking how to phrase it. Okay. Well, so.

Just pretend like we are your much-needed therapists. Yeah. Okay, okay. So I guess this is, this is, oh, my God. So I've had like multiple sort of erotic experiences during massages. Oh, boy. And whenever I tell people them, well, so the first time I was 19, I was in Nepal. What do you mean the first time you were 19?

Oh, no, the first time this happened, I was 19, and I was in Nepal. And some stuff went down with the masseuse. And I was sending, I was giving off signals. And how does what are the signals? Yeah, how does one do this? Yeah, yeah. You're on the table. I'm on the table.

He was. And you're going in wanting to give signals? No. Well, now, sometimes. You probably have to see if you feel the vibe with. whoever the masseuse person is. How do you feel the vibe? Because a masseuse is like giving.

Oh, I don't want to come across like a creep on this. I have another. Too late. I have another question. Is it usually a man or a woman or both? Who cares? You're putting the vibe out for. I've had both.

Okay. But so this was, I mean, like when I was 19, this is when it started. And the door was kind of open was I was 19. and this guy was kind of testing the waters by like going up very close to the area. You know what I mean? Oh, okay. And he was super handsome and I hadn't had sex in months. And I was like, I went back.

That's what it was. I went back for a massage like the next day. And I think that gave him the signal. And then I was like breathing in sync with him and whatever. He ended up going down on me. That was. And then afterwards I told people. And they, so I told people.

gonna like put a finger in i didn't think he was going full mouth guys guys full mouth is like very personal from behind guys let well i was the face down guys what is happening to our innocent podcast is this too much thomas is hiding his face i've never seen that happen this was just the i mean the lead into the real unhinged story so maybe i this isn't even it this isn't even it we'll let you continue I think we stop here. No, no, no. I think we have to continue. Oh, my God.

Just maybe if a child in the car, turn it off for now. Wait a minute. How on earth, does that go from massage? Does he ask? Yeah, he said this was a weird experience. This was not.

Yeah, it is. So I was, and I was in Nepal. He didn't speak English. And he basically was like the second time I didn't. Oh my God. Anyway, it doesn't matter. But he said, he said a funny phrase. Okay.

He said, this too sometimes also good. And then I said, what? And then he said, is it okay? And then he started going down to me. He's like, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num. I come in 10 seconds. Because it was like, I was already ready to go. And I was like, and then.

This is good, too. num, num, num, num, num, this. This, this two sometimes, this two. This too sometimes also good. Wow. Okay, Thomas, can you write that down? This too sometimes also good. So he wasn't down there long?

No, because I was, it was like I was. It worked. It worked for you. And then we, then he asked me on a date. We made out a bit. Then he asked me on a date. And then I didn't go on the date. Oh, I thought this was an obvious, sweet story.

me his email and then he said that he wanted to get married he wanted a Canadian passport and then I thought how many tourists have you and anyway so this went from this to sometimes also good to will you marry me yeah for a passport I wasn't planning on sharing that one and this is not the unhinged this is not the hinged one we need to get to the unhinged one but the reason I told that one is like after that experience I've I skip out of there feeling great. And then I would tell people about it. I was like, oh my God.

And they were like, are you okay? Or like, they were like, oh, wow, that's kind of bleak. And I was like, I feel good. But now I'm absorbing your things about it. Yeah, their shame about it. Yeah, but I'm like, I went that. That's fine. I don't think I do.

And because I've had it happen to a friends before. And she was very into it. It happened. Yeah, it was so like. Not the numb, numb, numb, numb part, but other stuff. Oh, my God. What did she have? a finger. Oh. Okay. So, so then cut to... I do not give off those vibes. If I'm... Me neither. I would be

like bummed. I'd be like, I actually want massage. Can you please this up? Yes, for sure. That most massages I have, it's regular massage, but sometimes I, like, I'm a very, like, my whole body is an erogenous zone. Like, I, you know, and I get relaxed and there's something so nice about not having to perform or, like, try to be hot you're just lying down anyway so cut to the unhinged experience was because i thought that was the pinnacle i'll never have that again and i think about it frequently yeah and then um i got on an app i got booked a masseuse and i was in uh so there's a masseuse app there's multiple but is this an app with that you're going on with the hopes of more happening or it's a legit This too sometimes also good.com?

Yeah, no, I was just, I wanted a massage. I was super tired. I was on tour. Okay. And the masseuse came to my hotel room. And he's this giant man. He's like six foot five. Like muscular.

The first thing that happened was he did, he mentioned it was his birthday. And I thought, huh. And he said, yeah, I wasn't going to work on my birthday, but I thought I'd take the job. And anyway, I was seeing. thinking this guy's... What if you just immediately started singing happy birthday to him? Awkward. Happy birthday.

And anyway, long story short, I ended up having like tantric sex with this humongous man for three and a half hours in the hotel room. And then he was one of the wildest experiences of my life. It was... May Marie. It was so connected. Like, I know. And then afterwards, I've only told a few people this.

And in fact, I swore to myself, I would never tell anyone. I know. I know. Hearing this now. What is wrong? But you're unhinged. I do have. You're simply unhinged.

Do you think it's crazy? I mean, listen, we use, we were very safe. And we are two consenting adults. I mean, to be honest, I was the one. driving the encounter. Like, it wasn't. How did you drive the encounter?

Yeah, I do have some follow up questions. Yeah. How does this, how does this go down that, start going down that road? Yeah. Well, I think what he expected.

I'm sure he's done this before. I mean, first of all, this was, I know he has. Yeah. I know for sure. He has.

The most amazing massage of my life. Like he was a gifted bodywork, like healer. Like his giant hands. And he's like breathing and I start breathing in sync with him and he's playing this music. And so he was like a really brilliant masseuse. That feels like it's a, it's, that's what you do is you start breathing at the same time. Yeah, the breathing is what starts at all.

Yeah, it's come up a few times here. I would love to have this guy work on me without the dong. Oh, but, well, you could just. I don't want the dong experience of this. And I want footage of you face to face with the large man saying. exactly that sentence. Just. I like the massage.

Just no dong, please. Well, so, so, okay, let's continue. You're breathing in sync. Yeah. Then he's like,

whatever. He's like, is this, he asks consent multiple times because I'm like, I'm literally, I'm like, my energy is like,

please go further with us. Like, I'm like, so then that happens. Again, I come in two seconds. Oh, because he's like touching.

He's like touching things. He starts touching things. Yeah, yeah. On your body. On my body. After about half an hour of like massaging. Oh, I'd need a long massage on that. And then he's like going to just keep massaging or wrap up the experience.

But then I was like literally begging him. I was like, please let me take you to my bed. And he was like, okay. Wow. And I was like, took him by the hand, took him to my head. took him to my bed, really took control. I would love to see you leading a giant man by the hand to your bed. Yeah, it was great.

That is just a wonderful. And then I was, three hour, three and a half hours. Yeah, it was like, it was wild. That's like an owie. Owry. No, no. No, no. It wasn't, it wasn't like three hours of crazy.

It was just like. It was honestly, it was like, it was pretty wild. Yeah. What may? It was what? It was just pretty wild and very sensual, very connected. Like it was and then afterwards. Are there any breaks?

Not really. Owry. A lot of it. Well, he'd go back to massaging and stuff. But then anyway, I felt conflicted about it after only because of, well, he left and I was like, am I out of my fucking mind? Who was this person? And I'm in a hotel room and like I and then I thought, have I just internalized like societies?

Because that was, that was, that's the type of porn I watch. I felt like I was in my dream fantasy of like one of many dream fantasies of different dynamics. But that's one for sure. What if he walked out of your hotel room and behind the door he just heard you say, Owie. Oh, God. No, it wasn't. I don't think I've done anything for three and a half hours.

Yeah. The craziest thing was then I texted my friend who I was on tour with and I said, I, like, I had a moment of panic after. I'm just like, am I like, I don't know. What's wrong with me? Did you give him five stars? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. But for real, no, you were, there was no, awry at any point.

You're like, that's a lot. Good question, fortune. It wasn't a follow-up question. Thank you. It wasn't three hours of penetrative, like, pounding. It was like a mix of things. No, it was like tantric. It was like.

I can't even share what I, what came to mind for me that was unhinged at this point. Oh, we know this is not a path you're going down to. Yeah, it's like, I'm listening to your story and I'm like, how do I even share mine? We are so boring. Oh, my God. No, I want to hear yours. I feel like I'm having regret about sharing this, but I shouldn't, right? You shouldn't have regret.

No, this is a no judgment zone. We laugh because we're a silly pod. I think everyone should, yeah, I'm sex positive. Sex positive. We know that about you. This guy was the most respectful can like, communicative. And if anything, I was the one driving the experience, you know. Listen, we could all learn from this fella.

Yeah. Really be sensual. And may we, we support your endeavors. Thank you. As long as you're good and you're safe, that's all we care about. It was interesting, though, like the flash of anxiety afterwards. And I was like, where does that come from? Because I objectively just had one of the best times of my life.

Like, that was crazy. And then afterwards, I was like, no, God, but then why? But those days might be through for me. You know, when I'm in a relationship, I'm very much. You're locked in. Yeah, yeah. Well, you might be able to apply some of that into your current situation, you know? Oh, very much. Absolutely. I've never been in a tantric situation.

That just seems like a long time to do anything. I think I need water. I need water. I'd need snacks. You could stop for water. I need a break at some point. Unless you ate the snacks off of somebody. Yeah, true.

here's what came to mind for me. It was when I was in junior high school, I was, you know, cutting up in class, as I did, with a friend or two. And we got sent out of science class to sit in the hallway. That was the punishment. But our classroom was at the very end of the hallway, where the bathrooms were and where the doors. like they had like exit doors at the end of the hall near the bathroom. And we were sitting in the hall and I said to my friends,

what if while we're out here, we go get a bunch of toilet paper and toilet paper the school. And so we went into the bathroom, grabbed all of this toilet paper. And during school hours, we were just toilet papering the, the trees and bushes out. While people were just in their classrooms, looking out the window? Yeah, and then another teacher came out of the classroom

and caught us mid going in and out of the school. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so that felt a little unhinged, but nothing compared to... Yeah, when did it get dentry?

Yeah, when did the awy part happen? I know. like, you know, I was, I was a kid that was up to some stuff, but not. But there's real boldness there to be like, I'm already in trouble and I could get caught at any moment. I'm going to in plain sight. I lived my life as a kid thinking like, I'm not like killing anybody. Yeah. That's how I would kind of make decisions. I'd be like, is it murder? If not then fine. Yeah, I'm not like killing anybody. Yeah. Anyway. Did you get in big trouble? Were you suspended? I wasn't suspended, but I, you know, I can't remember. I was all, there was always something going on, you know. That was just another one where it's like, oh my God, she's toilet papering the school during school hours. And it's like, but why would you send the kids that are acting that way in class out into the hallway to sit alone? Yeah. It's like what we're just going to then start behaving ourselves. Yeah, your punishment is you can't be in class.

Yeah. Fortunately. What about you? Well, that was equally as exciting as Mays. You know, I've always been like too responsible for my own good. Like I didn't even like really allow myself to be unhinged in my younger days and do those wild things you're kind of supposed to do when you're younger. I would say the most unhinged thing. I probably did was I just was like lonely a lot when I was in high school. I had a lot of friends. I was friends with different groups of people. But I think because I was friends with a lot of different groups, like sometimes I would be included in things and sometimes I wouldn't because you just aren't clocking people as much when you're kind of the person that's going throughout the groups. And, you know, back then I was no shade, but I was left home a lot by myself on the weekends.

So once I was old enough to start driving I would just kind of drive around town and drive by my friend's house to see like I don't know what I was looking for if I thought like they would magically come outside and be like come hang out I don't know So you wouldn't knock psych to me

Yeah because would your heart rate go up a bit because you knew you were being a little sketchy So you were yeah you were stalking your friend I was like I want to hang out no one's asking me to hang out tonight. And then I did actually drive past a friend once. And she lived on a dead end street. She was like, what are you doing?

I was like, ah, I don't know. You're in a mustache and friend. I just, I don't know if you wanted to hang out or anything. And did you hang out? No. I think she was like, I'm going to home to bed. I was like, great, great, great, great, great. I'm going where everyone else is hanging out without you.

I just wanted to hang out. I would have said so. Yeah, I was just like a little bit of a wayward soul at times. So it's funny. I just hadn't quite found my confidence yet and just like call your friend and be like, do you want to hang out? Like, what are you doing? Boy, did we all have very different levels of unhinged.

I mean, yeah, I never got like crazy. I never really got crazy drunk or anything. I mean, I already told you that one time I had a party at my house. for my friends. Yes. 18th birthday with the stripper with the acne on his butt.

That might be the most unhished night I had in high school where it's just a bunch of girls covering their face while this acne butt guy's like grinding his pointed wiener on him. Pointed.

It was, I don't even remember. It was like, it was like crooked. Oh, okay. I think he had something in his speedo to make it look bigger. Yeah.

So that was my, My little toe dip of being wild was hosting that party. And then I didn't really drink in college. I was pretty boring. Yeah. So college days, I don't have all these wild stories that some people have. And then I think I got drunk in L.A. once at a Halloween party where I was wearing a Hooters outfit. and I did crawl across the floor at one point in my hooters outfit.

Like sexy crawl? That is hilarious. Oh my God. That is so funny. And that was maybe the extent of my wild days. And I shouldn't have regret about sharing that, you think? No. I don't think you should regret it at all.

You're living your life. Yeah. And also, I'm pro, I'm pro sex work too. It's like, this guy. I felt like a healer, honestly. Uh-huh. He healed you. He healed me.

In fact, I told him that after, and he was like, okay. You said you healed me? I said you are like a wizard. And I was like, you're like a very gifted, like, and he was like, anyway. You're like a wiener wizard. Yeah, yeah. No, we had a good lull. We had a good laugh.

All right. Should we hear Samara's question? Let's hear some answer? Mm-hmm. Okay, before I tell the story, you must know, my husband is a picky eater, and there's no real logic to it. Like, he likes cheese on pizza, but doesn't like cheese on pasta, and, like, we'll have nuts in a candy bar, but then, like, no nuts on the salad. Like, it's just a bit illogical, which drives me a bit nuts. Also, if you were, like, going to invite me to a soire of some kind, and then you hear this story, and you go,

actually never mind I went mad I went insane okay I'm on hint I went on hint this is not in line with my principles as a person okay here we go so we were at a picnic

and my friend offered us all walnut and chocolate cookies and Jimmy my husband said oh no I'm allergic to walnut and I just went no you're not. No, you're not. Just say you don't want it because you're a weird picky eater.

And he was adamant. He doubled down. He was like, no, I'm allergic. And I just knew in my heart that he wasn't. So that night, I was making dinner and I ground up walnuts. Oh my God. like laughing. Like this could potentially kill him. But I knew it was it. I knew it wasn't going to, he wasn't going to die. I just knew that he was lying. Rounded up walnuts, giggling,

sprinkled it in our dinner, watched him eat it like a creep. And then when he finished, I waited like 10, 15. He was fun. And then I went, ha. You're not allergic for walnuts. But it was, I remember feeling at the time, like this is, I'm, this is.

That's hilarious. That's unhinged. That is unhinged. But now he has a baby with me, so he's locked in. Wow. He probably was like, what? I know. Oh, my God.

That could have gone a very different way. Super South. Cut to him in the hospital. Oh, my God. But I, when she says she knew in her. heart and gut, I believe that. Yeah. Yeah.

That is, but there must have been a moment when she was grinding them up where she just thought, what have I become? Yes. Yeah. But it is, it's funny when you know somebody so well. And you know when they're answering something or responding to something, you're like, I know what's up. Yeah.

I know it's up. Well, that was, I mean, we really went to a new place with each other. You really did, mainly with May. I know, I've really overshared. And I'm sorry if you're listening and you fast forwarded those parts. No. No. Edge of our seats, all of us, even though.

Speaking of edging, you know. Yeah. What's coming up for you guys, June 30th is today? I don't want to brag, but my birthday is tomorrow, July 1st. Oh, my God, of course. How old will we be, 45? No. Foreign insurance.

We can hear you. Oh, my God. So, coming. So I... Wait, what just happened? I'm in a hotel, and it's time for me to check out. Oh, okay. So I'm not doing stand-up for a minute,

because the Hawk is coming out July 16th on Netflix. But back in August, I'm going to be in the... in West Hampton. and Foxwood Casinos in Connecticut, Red Bank, New Jersey, Provincetown, Massachusetts, Greenville, South Carolina, Wilmington, Boise, Portland, Oregon, Austin, Dayton, Louisville, Durham, tons of places.

So check out my website, FortunePeeveser.com. I am on tour, and I will see you in Colorado Springs. I will see you in Rochester, in Calgary. I'll see you in Omaha, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia. The list goes on in... Oh, Fresno, Napa. Tignotaro.com.

That's where you can get all the show details. There will be more shows added, and I am going to be hitting bigger cities at some point, but this is where you can see me now. Tignotaro.com. I am July 17th in Guelph, Ontario, playing music at the Hillside Festival, and then I'm in the Yellowknife playing music on the 18th, 19th, I think.

And then I'm back at Largo on July 29th. Love it. That's pretty much it. Great. Make sure to rate, review, and subscribe it so important for the show. We're also on YouTube and one day in advance on Hulu. Also go to handsomepod.com for all the wonderful merch. May will play us out.

Until then. Keep it. Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tignitaro, and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Wulet. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at HandsomPod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got my keys before I leave the house. Dognabit. I accidentally locked myself out and Stephanie won't be home for another hour. Guess I'll take a little stroll around the neighborhood. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings varies subject to terms, conditions, and availability, all state North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast, a new show coming to Fri-Ch. Coming to F***. That's what it is.

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast. A new show now on Headgum. Woo-hoo. I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that every so often.

With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called? The jackass podcast. The jackass podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-o. There's a strong chance that we're not for Jackass

that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Panias. That shot of your butt just cruising up. I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me.

Wee man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently he hates to flush.

Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Woo! Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and, and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.