Handsome - Sara Bareilles asks about ripe bananas

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

Grammy-winning singer and actress Sara Bareilles asks Handsome a fruitful question on this week's episode! Plus mud wrestling, driving all night, and an update from Kitty City. Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm May Martin. I'm joined by my co-host. Tignotaro. And Fortune Feemster. And we're coming to you from the Good Hands studio. Yeah. Presented by Allstate. That's right.

Yes, Allstate. We love Allstate. Allstate presented us with this studio. They sure did. They have been so good to the Handsome Pod. And we really, really appreciate their support. Yes. So, yeah, thank you, Allstate, for supporting our pod.

Yes. And for the pillows. Mm-hmm. My gosh. It's lovely to see you both. And I you. You're curled up like a little. And I, you too.

Mm-hmm. Me, us. Look at y'all sitting over there. Yeah. I feel like you're a couple therapist. I do. Do you guys need to talk to me about anything you're going through? I am going through something that's not great.

What is it? With May or in life? No, in life. Okay. Oh, thank God. No, no. You're fine. Okay.

Yeah. We're fine. For now. For now. For now. Yeah. But if you really want to know. I do.

That's what the pods for, to chat. Yeah. About anything. Our little kitty fluff. Oh, no. Has cancer. Oh, fuck. Yes.

I'm sorry. Thank you. She has cancer in her intestines. And, but the good news is we have her on steroids and she's up and walking around again and eating food. and then she starts chemo. Oh, my God. Yeah. Cat chemo.

Cat chemo? Yeah, cat chemo. So she's our firstborn and it's been tough. Yeah. It's been tough. How are the boys handling it? You know, they didn't really understand at first because it took us a while to understand that she wasn't doing well because cats sleep a lot.

Yeah. But she was sleeping unusually relaxed looking. Yeah. And that went on for like a week or two where we were like, God, she's just really zonked. Yeah. And then we were like, is she ever leaving this room? Yeah.

You know? And when did you see her eat last? And like all of those kind of things, it's just, it's not the same as a dog. Right. You know, especially when you have a busy life. And anyway. So we would just say Fluff was sick.

Yeah. And we didn't know what it was. We feared it was that. Yeah. And then we had a vet come over and he said that her white blood cell count was high. Yeah. And that's not a great sign. But it could be something else.

And then she just kind of deteriorated, I think, before one of our recordings. Yeah. she was not it was bad it was bad like didn't know if she was gonna make it through the night

and then we I decided like we should tell Max and Finn that she because we didn't know if she was gonna die that night

yeah we didn't know what was happening so we told them they were very emotional oh yeah it was it was sad

especially with your losing your first but like yeah yeah sticks with you yeah and

and so we were Stephanie's dad came over to stay with Finn because he didn't want to go to the, it was the middle, it was their bedtime. So he couldn't handle it. But Max was like, I have to go. I want to go. And so he drove with us and I dropped, and we dropped Stephanie and fluff off. And he wanted to like walk her in and give her a kiss. And then I drove him back home and then I went back and sat with Stephanie. And we were there all night. But anyway. So you had the talk with them. Yes, and they understand, but it's sad. So hopefully the chemo will give her another couple of years or something. Oh, that would be amazing. Yeah. And in the meantime, we got to treat her like a queen.

And we already did. Yeah. But I have to see it as well, saying. Oh, my gosh. And I have to tell you, or maybe I showed you the picture where she was on top of the chair. I'll have to post that. But she was starting to go in areas that she never was to, like, be alone. And she was sleeping on the top of Max's fluffy chair.

And Skip and Linus went and got on that chair, which is not where any of them ever are. Yeah, they're sticking around here. That's so nice. It's so sweet. That's sweet. Anyway, so, yeah, if anyone wants to send some positive vibes to a little kitty. Yeah, for sure. I'm nervous to get a pet.

Like, I mean, it's just. inevitable. It is inevitable. It's the hard part of loving a pet that they just don't get as long of a lifespan. Yeah. I mean, I used to, I know people do this, so I'm not crazy, but I used to think about Biggie dying and cry and he's still alive. And I'm like, what am I doing? Yeah. It's like you start mourning them while they're here because you just know the inevitable of their lifespan, but it's worth it. It is so worth it. It's so worth it. But man, is it painful?

Yeah. Dang, yeah, it is. Also, it's so beautiful that, like, it's crazy that we think of them as so different to us. And then you get to go through it with them. It's like, oh, we're all, that's so fleeting. Well, they're just there with you all day and, like, the love is unconditional. It's just such a different relationship than with anything else in your life. We're unconditional.

Of course. Us? Yeah. God, when we almost lost biggie, I was like just crying like a baby every day. Yeah. I remember our friend Allison Dunbar is a big animal lover and she was calling it. I was like, this is why I didn't want to get a dog because this is so painful, but I would have trade it for the world. No.

Oh my gosh. To have lived this life and not known precious little fluff's face, no way. No way. It's worth it and we're going to like Yeah, live it up with fluff. Yeah, live it up with fluff. So, and how's Ginger doing? She's good.

She turned 80, I saw on my. Yeah, happy birthday ginger. Yeah, so I think that's a massive milestone. It is. And I think she was so happy on the day. Yeah. I think just hitting that milestone means so much more to her right now. And I think she's in that space of like any day is,

a gift. Yeah. And yeah, she had a surgery where they put the radiation balls in her tumors. So in like two months they'll check them to see if they've worked the hope of it shrinking those big tumors. Yeah. So you're just trying to get the cancer not to spread is the goal right now. Yeah. But her spirits are good. She's not on chemo at the moment, so she has more energy. She looked good in that picture you posted. Yeah, yeah. She's, you know, that key. The chemo just wrecks your body. Yeah. I mean, you know, like, yeah.

I didn't go through chemo. Oh, you didn't? You didn't? No, because I don't realize that. No, I just had the double mastectomy. And then I was also sick with C-Diff, which is so debilitating that I could barely walk across the living room. Yeah. And so it just was too much.

Your body couldn't have done it. Well, it's so tough. Yeah. On the body that, like, she's. seeing her be so in that state was really hard. But right now she's doing immunotherapy once a month. So she has some energy back. That's great.

Yeah. So she's doing good. Awesome. Planning an 80th birthday party for her. I couldn't do it on the day because of my filming schedule, but we're going to do it in March. Yeah. March what? My birthday is March 28.

I'm the 24th. Come on. Come on to Belmont. Have a double birthday, my 55th I'll hire a stripper You'll hire a stripper. You'll hire a stripper.

Yeah, do you want male or female or both? Because she's going to want male. She's going to want to see some wiener. I'll do it, guys. I'll be the stripper. You'll do it. I'll be the stripper. That way you get kind of in the middle.

I think I prefer a male stripper. Really? Yeah. You don't feel like you're, you don't feel like you're what's the word, exploiting? not exploiting probably yeah

feel more relaxed with the I just am like wow that's hilarious look at your body jiggling around dude around

yeah yeah look at that body jiggling around yeah yeah I don't mind a good magic mic show

or thunder from down under I want to take a class so badly and what what class how to do magic mic

dancing oh really if I take a class put that on the list Thomas would you guys let me that's a lot of thrusting

right Oh, I forgot about that. Have you seen Bad Bunny in those shorts popping that wiener? Yeah. No. Oh, look it up. Bad Bunny's like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, bah. I had no feelings about Bad Bunny until the Super Bowl and now I'm in love.

You had no feelings? Oh, he's amazing. I was like, he seems really on point with what he says, but oh my God, he's so sexy. He's like, I'm telling you watch some videos of him popping that pain. That's where he became Bad Bunny. Yeah. Yeah. Bad, Bad, Bad,

popping that pain it's fun to watch why don't you just get a stripper for your mom I don't need to be there okay maybe I will what do you think she would would you freak out she would not like she wouldn't like it she's too demure

yeah she's a classy lady she claims to be on the wild side with that stuff but I guarantee you if I got a male stripper to come to party in Belmont she would be so in like red face. Okay. So no,

not a stripper. A whole team of strippers. Whoa. Like the Magic Mike team. In her yard. Just look out the window. Pre-party. Yeah. Or post-party. Depending on how many drinks she's had. She deserves it. Get a few drinks in her, then send

the dancers over. Oh, maybe she'd like the thunder from down under. I think Australian would be they're the... Do you start in Australia? No, but hopefully there's enough Australians in near Charlotte, North Carolina that they could just

form a, like, posse of... She likes the accent? Wait, what? She likes Australians? I don't know, why not. Yeah, yeah. She probably likes an accent, right? She probably likes, if they go razor blades.

Here we know again. Jennifer Lopez. Yes. I feel like you guys aren't jumping at the idea of me being stripper for your mom's idiot. Oh, I forgot you said that. Yeah, I know. I guess, no, you're right.

It was right to move on. Listen, I can fly you to North Carolina. Come on. I do want to party with Ginge, but. In coach. In coach. In coach. What about with extra leg room?

No. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah. I guess when this comes out, I'll be on a coach on my tour bus, sleeping on a little. Good segue. You have a tour. Yeah, I've never done that.

Have you done that? Tour bus? No. I'm not ever wanted to. Me neither. It's not been on my bucket list. I need like space from the road. I need like go home and reset and then go back. I do. I am like I'm only doing two weeks at a time and then I come back for like 10 days or a week and then. Do you want me to open for you? Would you? Oh my God. People would love that. People go, is tick okay? How come Tiggs opening for me on tour? Is everything all right at home for Tick? Tigs run away from her problems I'm worried about like my routines

my face washing like there's no shower on the bus so you got to shower at the venue and then I guess when you get to the new city you can go to a hotel You're gonna shower at the venue? I'm I guess May. May's got a shower somewhere

but May showers twice a day what are you going to do about that I'm gonna shower in a truck stop A gym get a hotel room when I get to the city and then I'm gonna shower go do the show then maybe shower at the venue after the show. Wait, you're going to have a bus and a hotel room?

Well, you drive all night. Yeah. I drove all night. I was right. I knew I was going to get to. I love that song. Is that all right? It was such a great line, too.

Is that all right? That is a good line. Is that all right that I did that? Ask him permission. Because I don't want to drive all night if it's not okay with you. The last thing I want to do is drive all night. I get there and you're like not into it. not letting you in.

You should ask if it's all right. Is that all right? It's all right? Well, but the song is, I drove all night. Is that all right? Oh, you're already there. No, you're already there. And it's like, no, it's not all right, you weirdo.

You should have told me. You're renting a car and driving all night. Like that woman, oh, it was like that woman, the astronaut who drove across country. And the diaper. I was in that movie. Wait, what? You don't know this story? No, and I love astronauts and diapers.

Yeah, tell the story, take you're in the movie. Well, the woman, played by Natalie Portman. Wow. What a git. She, okay, she was obsessed with this guy. Okay, this is a true story? Yeah, okay. She was an astronaut.

Okay. So her standards have been much higher. I know, you think she's really on it and wise. I'm forgetting the story, but basically, she's, She drove all night to get to him, whether that was all right or not. I don't think it was all right. But she had no, it wasn't all right. And she wore a diaper so she'd get there faster and not have to stop.

She's not all right. But it became a story because something, I think it was like stalking. Also, why was she telling people she had a diaper on? But I think they only knew that she had a diaper on because she did something illegal. Right. But then the news says, okay, and also it's important you all know. she had a diaper on? Am I right?

Was it like, salacious detail? Is she in trouble? Like, why do we know about this? Yeah, did she show up in house? I should have read the script. Yeah, we're in the movie. Who did you play?

It was a long time ago. I feel like she did something she wasn't supposed to do. Allegedly. Oh, my God. We should have a movie podcast where we try to re-cast movies. We don't know. We never saw anything about it. But that we were in.

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think it, I think she drove all night and it wasn't. She was charged with attempted murder. Wow. Oh, right. That was a twist. So she she drove all night to murder him. Or was it like a new friend of? or something. John Ham was in it and I was his friend, I think. When was this movie? It was a while ago. Wow.

You were hit John Ham's friend and was he the guy? You don't remember. I don't remember. So Natalie Portman shows up in a diaper. John Ham goes, whoa. But if Natalie Portman is, well, if she's trying to murder you that's different, I was like, if she's driving all night to come to you, that's pretty hot. I thought you were going to say if Natalie Portman's showing up in a diaper, I can work with that. Yeah, we can figure that out. I don't know what was the point of Where did we leave off?

I drove all night Before that tangent It was from I drove all night I know but I took us on a weird road Were we talking about something else? And then I tried to wedge it Oh I was in a movie And we were like we get it

You film movies We get it You're in a movie No one's aware of But she was an astronaut Yeah I want to know more about this lady And she worked with him

He was an astronaut too, maybe? I don't know. Yeah, it was like a love triangle situation. Oh, yeah. He tried to kill the new girl from me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Well, there's apparently a movie out there that tigs in. I'm going to learn more about it. I should have movie night where I watch movies I was in that you've been in. You've never seen. Do you watch all your movies? Mm-mm. What do you mean? Movies, all the movies I've been in I've watched.

No, actually, that's not true. I was in one in the last. I didn't watch and then I haven't watched all the TV I've been in either yeah guys this is enough but I've been in a lot of stuff I don't watch this is crazy this is crazy you watch all your stuff yeah you're not in that much so yeah I'm like I'm in a lot of I don't want to write when I'm in a lot of things you're in a lot of things but imagine telling your teen self you're not even to watch that movie I've filmed you go to the seasons of things and not

watch that you do you go to the premieres and stuff I haven't been to every premiere, no. Wow. If I can, I will go, but sometimes I can't. Is it because you find watching yourself? Sometimes she's busy filming another movie. She's not going to watch it. She can't make it to that. But I watch most of the movies. Do you find it hard watching yourself? Is that part of it? Or you're just not into the stuff?

I used to not like it at all. Now I'm better about it and I don't mind it. Now you're a big fan. No, I love my film. Wait, go back. Go back. If I was like in a lot of something, I just, I don't know. I just I saw it in a couple episodes and that was fine yeah I have a hard time watching myself do stand-up yeah I think I have more of a hard time watching myself do stand-up yeah really okay probably yeah just because in my head I'm like oh that felt that that was so funny than I watched it I was like that wasn't as

funny as I thought it was yeah or I think I could have if I just focused a little more I or I could have found better words to say that or I else yeah yeah I'm not like I don't want to watch my stand-up. Really? No. You're good. I don't know if anyone sold you this, but you're good. I mean, I don't know if anyone sold any of us, but we're good at stand-up and acting.

And podcasting. But, yeah, I don't know. I find it fascinating when I do watch myself acting because seeing whatever little weak moment I had where I'm like, I could have done that better. Or I'm like, actually, I did that much better than I thought. Yeah. So I feel a little more removed watching me act. Right, right. Because I feel so connected to my stand-up.

And then you don't want to get in your head about mannerisms or things. Yeah, like, you know? Or like I went through a phase of thinking, oh, my God, I never move enough on stage. I'm just standing there at the mic. And then I'm going out, trying to, I'm pacing around. And it's so not me. Yeah. But it is important to watch it from time to time

because back in the day I'd be like, I'm yelling the punchline a lot. Yeah, maybe simmer down. Maybe it's simmer down a little bit. Yelling the punchline is great. Oh, and here comes the punchline. Yeah. This is good.

I'm just going to, this will be funnier if I yell it. And then he said, I had this character that yawns after every punchline. They go, and can you believe that? And that was my uncle. Ooh. It was like their cashphrase. I thought that would be a funny character.

And you did that for a while? I only did it to my friends. I'd never done it on stage. Oh, okay. I just like the idea of a stand-up. Bring it on tour. Bring it on tour. Put it on that tour bus.

Oh, that's what we were talking about your tour bus. Wow. Wow. We got so far. You get off stage and then you get right on the bus. You drive all night. That's right. And you're going to shower.

In a hotel. And wait, and I'm, and I'm, you're doing that because you don't want to fly? Yeah, it's, it's, it ends up cheaper and it's so tiring going to the airport and checking in and flying it. It's better for the environment, I think, to drive. Are you bringing people with you because you can fill out people on a bus, like you'll have an opener and stuff? Like me? I got my, TIGs driving the bus and, no, my buddy, Matt. Wait a second.

Hold on a minute. I have to drive and open for you. You have to drive all night. And the, do you mind doing the merch table? My friend Matt is going to do some improv with me. Okay. At the end of the show. So there's no opener.

So he'll be on the bus for a lot of it. Or Atlanta Johnston's coming for some. Yeah. To open for you? To do improv. But mostly I'll be on my own. But I guess the tour manager. Me, the bus driver, tour manager.

And maybe my amazing assistant Lee will come. Okay. Yeah. So you like your assistant? Obsessed. Oh, amazing. They're amazing. That's amazing.

Yeah. Well, that's all wonderful. Yeah, we're very happy for you. Yeah. Well, I'm excited for your bus tour. I'm excited to see how you like touring in the old US of A in this way. I know. I'm curious, too.

Because I am pretty rigid in my routines and things. So I wonder. So I'm going to bring a special pillow. I'm going to bring eye mask. I'm going to bring ear muffs. Ear muffs. Clear mascara. Clear mascara.

Keyboard. I just want to be able to sleep. I want like weighted blanket. it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What else should I bring?

Goldfish. You got to bring a goldfish. Wait, the cracker or actual goldfish? An actual goldfish. A live goldfish? Yeah, you got to get a goldfish bowl. To watch it? Yeah.

You got to. Can I get you guys to record a meditation, like a guided meditation? How does that work? So it's nice music and it's like. You're relaxing. You're relaxing. You're closing your eyes. Yeah.

You've just been on stage. You crushed. You. also have gas so far yeah it's not putting me to sleep but I'm delighted relax your eyes we have to put that on repeat oh okay you hear that over and over again

you're good enough you're smart enough and doggone it people like you yeah do you like this well you don't respond to the meditation may speak for yourself yeah I'm yeah I guess you make a good point they sure do like me. Yeah. Well, I know you're going to play any music?

I don't know if the mood takes me. I didn't know if that's why you also had the buses for your guitar. No, I think I'm just trying to be economical. Okay. I think. All right. I don't know. I don't know either.

I wish we were all going together. I'd love to do a handsome tour. A handsome live tour, maybe one day. But would we go nuts on the bus, probably. We would maybe the tour, the whole tour would be like two weeks long. Yeah, my. Max. That we could do. I thought you met would we go nuts, like party, like smash beer cans on our head?

Ting and I didn't even go to the lesbian bar in Nashville after our show. Yeah. If that tells you anything. Well, when I'm bringing the party to the bus, you're not going to have a choice. Oh, boy. I did just have a hang with a bunch of girlfriends, and we did karaoke. You're the only gay person that I know of that says my girlfriend. It's because I have a lot of straight friends who are girls, and they all say, use that word.

Just say friends because otherwise I didn't want you to know there was all girls. I assumed. Yeah. So we all all my friends who were girls, we had a big karaoke night and it was so fun. What did you and what did you sing? Just lots of like lady anthems. A lot of lady anthems. A lot of group singing or a lot of so.

A lot of group singing. Yeah, we all joined in. Yeah. That's fun. It was really fun. Are you, had you done karaoke with them before? that's your karaoke crew? No, this was a new.

They're my friends, but we hadn't had a karaoke night. Girlfriends. Private room? Yeah, my girlfriends. No, just at a friend's house. Oh, at someone's house. You're in L.A. Yeah.

I like those private rooms you can rent. I've never done one of those, but it looks fun because you can just sing it over and over. As long as people are terrible singers. What private rooms? Then that's a nightmare. It's like it'll be a venue and then you can get a room for like eight people or and then you Just to sing karaoke? Yeah, and there's just kind of leather couches, a disco ball in a little room around this size or smaller, and the TV, and then you can call for drinks.

Wait, did we put that on the list? Did we ever put that on the list? That needs to go on the little place. I mean, you doing that while I'm tucked in bed with my CPAP machine. On the bus? Or just in one of those rooms. And I'm just like, I think I'm going to get rid of my CPAP. It's not working.

I don't think so. Like you're sleeping a lot of hearts with it? Sometimes. There's like a mouth guard that you can use that maybe does the same job. It's to stop sleep apnea? Yeah. Okay, okay. So then, yeah, what would you replace it with?

The mouth piece. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you were listening to me one second ago. Sorry. Well, what an adventure, May. Yes. Are we trying to segue into our question?

Yeah, it feels like it. Let's do it. Today's question asker is a Grammy-winning singer, songwriter, an actor who's sold more than three million albums and starred in the show Girls Five Eva. She co-wrote and performed the original song, Salt, then Sour, then Sweet for the Oscar-nominated documentary. Come see me in the Good Light.

Sarah Borellis is asking today's question. Also, her Broadway show, Waitress is so good. I love that one song. She is a real talent. She's very talented. I love her voice. And a wonderful human. Hi, handsome.

I'm meaning snap peas. My name is Sarah Borales. I just picked that. That's it. And my question for you is not really of my own devising, but it's a question I heard asked to other people, and I thought it was interesting. So I'm going to re-ask it.

here and if I knew the source I would quote them but I don't so they're shit out of luck. My question for you is you have two bananas. Okay. One banana is perfectly ripe. The other banana is a little bit too ripe. Do you eat the perfect banana or do you eat the banana that's a little bit too ripe so as not to waste the too ripe banana, knowing that by the time you're hungry for another banana, the likelihood is that the second banana will also be too ripe.

This is like a total my question. Do you think? I get asked this all the time. This feels like your rice thing that last episode. Yeah. Where you're like talking to rice and something's half is dying. Yeah. What would you say to the bananas?

I don't know that I'm talking to them. You're not talking to these bananas? Okay. Well, I guess I'm apologizing to whichever one I leave behind. I have strong feelings about two ripe bananas. Okay, I would love to hear this. Get started, little cowboy. We want a hot take.

Okay, here's my hot take. Hot take. I like a slightly green banana, but it's a very fine line. If it's chalky, no good. So the green is like. It's not ripe enough. Yeah. Yeah.

If it's even slightly brown, like if it's got speckles on it, that's for baking. And you've got to do a banana bread or something, I think. Or smoothie. Or smoothie, sure, fine. Well, you know, if a banana has a hint of green end is speckled, then it has been unnaturally and mechanically ripened. Oh, wow. So you don't want to eat those.

If it has green and speckled. Yeah, if you see it like a. really like a hard ripe or a hard right banana but it also has yeah so what do they have ripening yeah well how's that machines look I'm not I don't I don't work there I don't know about bananas I don't work there so it seems like you know a lot of bananas well I do remember I told you bananas are actually berries yeah I forgot bananas are actually berries also did you know so many people die from black widow spiders hiding in banana bunches and it's actually very dangerous Are you trying to scare us?

When they pick them? Yeah, when they pick them. And sometimes they've come over. To your house? In my house. And they go, what's up? You're going to eat me? And then my thing that I want to patent is if you take a bite of the peel of the banana

and then you take a and you let it taste all weird in your mouth, then you take a bite of the berry itself, the fruit of the banana, then it tastes like a tomato. And I patented that and I invented that. Wait, this is true things you're telling us? This is true. And you're taking a bite of the peel? Yeah, I don't know how I would. Yeah.

Yeah, I basically discovered it by accident. I accidentally, I bit, well, I would sometimes bite the banana and to open it, you know, on the butt end, not on the stock end. Then I'm peeling it like a bonobo ape. And then I have the taste of the peel in my mouth, I guess. I eat the fruit and I go, tomato. Tomato. And I spread the word. Tomato.

Yeah. Tomato, tomato. Yeah, try it out. Banana banana. I love bananas. I do too. I eat a lot and I've never eaten a peel. I've never eaten a pill either.

So how are you opening them guys? Why did I say guys? I peel them up top but I did see John Mullaney do a thing about how his wife peels them, which was. At the butt. I'm at the butt. I do that. Yeah, because that's how the monkeys do it. And when you're doing that, you might squish the top and yeah.

Yeah. But you eat bananas every day, would you say? No. Oh, really? No. I don't eat a fruit every day. Really? I'm not a health nut.

A little smoothie in the morning? I love a smoothie, but I do have a weird texture thing, and fruit bumps up against my texture situation more than anything. What about apples? Really? I love apples. Really? I love apples. But I should be eating the fruit I like more than I do, but I really do enjoy an apple, especially an apple.

and y'all know I'm a peanut butter bitch Oh yeah Oh yeah And peanut butter on a This peanut butter bitch is Loves the apple Me too With it

Yeah With the peanut butter Girl I eat that About every day Yeah And you know what Me too actually I eat almost

A quarter to a half a jar Of peanut butter a day Me too I think Yeah It's my favorite food And crunchy Yeah Yeah

Yeah And I always think about Because I do heap and scoops on my apple. Heap and scoops. Yeah. Patent that maybe.

Heap and scoops should be a company. Yeah. I also love peanut butter on bananas as well. Oh, that's a delicious tree. A peanut butter banana sandwich? Yes, with honey sometimes inside. Well, not for me, but yes.

My vegan issues. I would like, oh. Oh, you can't eat honey. Because bees are harmed. Well, it's animal product. You know, whatever. You know, sometimes it sneaks into my food and I live through it. Yeah.

But so for me, bananas are can, it can be dicey. If they're too ripe, I can't. Yeah, too ripe. I can throw that in a smoothie. Yeah. Yeah. Or the strings, banana strings. Banana strings.

Or freeze it. Yeah. And throw it in a smoothie down the road. You freeze it. Don't, you freeze it. But if a banana has a bunch of brown spots on it, that's, I'm like, when I was a little and I would. respond that way to it. My mother

was like, that's the sweet part of the banana. So many people were like, it's, that's the best. What? It is sweeter when it's ripe. Oh, it's sweeter, but there's like a sourness too. It's disgusting. I can't. Find something else for your sweet tooth. Yeah.

It's disgusting. But wait, why is it not, we're on the same page three, three of us. Finally, it's the first time we all can agree. Yeah, we all like. It's disgusting. But Sarah's asking about these two bananas, like it's a hard choice. No, I'm eating the perfectly ripe one. Yeah, but does that say something about this?

Why are you getting so mad at Sarah about this? She's such a nice person. Her song used to be mine. That was what I was trying to think of. Oh, my God. Have you heard her do that with Rufus, Wainwright? Yes, that was gorgeous. Are they trying to kill us?

They're trying to kill us. Her voice is so. Have you heard it made? No, it's gorgeous. Why don't you say your goodbyes and then listen to it. Good night. It is. It's really good.

What's it called? Used to be mine. I'm writing it down. It's from Waitress, the musical, which she wrote the music for. I mean. Used to be more. She's trying to kill us. She's got some great songs.

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Code Hansom at checkout. I think it's like if you, if you eat the perfectly ripe banana, then it's wasteful. But you could use the too right banana to bake, I'm saying. It's weird that bananas aren't like used more for sex stuff because, like, how did we, take?

I didn't do that, by the way. May did this turn. I did not make this sexual. I didn't say anything. I could just hear a Fortune Marie on your tongue. Fortune Marie. What about May Marie? Well, or girl, girl, girl Marie.

Girl Marie. Girl Marie. But like, you know how like eggplants have become synonymous with like, or. Because it's facet. It's thicker. The banana's too small, maybe. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I'm just. So you think more people are. I'm going to go to commercial by myself. Well, when you say, when you say you want bananas become more sexual? I didn't say I want. I said I'm surprised that more people aren't secretly. Do you think this is what Allstate wants from us?

Oh, you're so right. Do you really think this is what Allstate wants in their good hand studio? I know. Oh, no. I was trying to keep it very demure. I know you were. I think you've overused that word in this episode. Oh, did I say it before?

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it was another episode. Yeah, whatever. What were you saying, May? Just like I'm surprised I haven't come across in my exploits. I know. Someone going, hey, can I fuck you with a banana?

All right, I'm going to commercial with or without you. Wow. You think. Wow. That's that voice you do that I love. I realize. Like, wow. I don't know, maybe because you sound like a cat.

Maybe. Rearle. May really let that one lose. We should have a cat fight and just like wrestle each other. That sounds fun. I mean, I'd have to put a back brace on. You'd have to be a helmet. A handsome wrestling match would be fun. We should make that a live event.

Well, I DMs this. There's this like. We'll do it at one of our shows. I know people who can organize it because I found this company that's like queer oil wrestling. like lesbian oil wrestling I DM them I go when's your next event did you slide into their DMs we do have that show at the

will turn May 4th but I don't know if we can pull it together for a wrestling I can't wrestle our guests I DMM it's Malin Ackerman I know so I think we could take them May 4 we could for sure to I could take them I never know it might lead to some wrestling yeah but the embarrassing thing was I was like

yeah let me know when your next event is in L.A. I want to come and they were like when are you free and we'll make an event And they were like, we can come to you. Yeah. And I was like, oh, no, no, I'll just tag along. They're like in your backyard? Yeah, yeah.

But I think it would be really fun. I think to get your aggression out in a safe. Yeah, but I think that I would have, I would need to be fully clothed. Wait, are we not clothed? No, we're covered in oil. And just naked? No, I guess you can wear a bathing suit. Like a men's bathing suit down to my knees?

Yeah, but I think we're in like bikinis or something. But I feel like you guys would pull my bathing suit on. I wouldn't, because I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Oh, right, do on to others as you would have done one to you. I don't want to be. I don't want to ass out. Yeah, you grew up in the church. I don't need my bow being shown.

I don't need to see it. I don't know. I'm not trying to see it. I'm not pulling down your bailant to you. Why don't you back off? You guys don't you back off. I'll take you right now. I would assume you would be naked in this scenario.

No, I assume you're always naked until you're. get here. No, I love clothes. I assume you're just always naked. Swanning around. I assume you're topless a lot in some sort of ponty's. You know what's crazy is I, around my house.

Roughly ponty. Roughly. Around my house, I am topless a lot, but now I've got people doing the garden and they're these nice older men and I just don't want to make them uncomfortable because they call me

a she and I can't be bothered to correct And I'm like, what would they think if I was just walking around, you know, doing push-ups out there? I don't know. So I just for everyone. Hot tub tits out. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a callback to one of our bits?

Yeah. My hot tub's too short. Oh, right, right, right. My tits are out. Hot tub, which is a real bummer. That feels like one of those things where, like, a fan would come up and be like, hot tub, tits out. Hot tub, tits out. Yeah.

People do say it. Yeah. Since that episode, they've said hot tub, tits out. Really? I just feel like I could see myself passing somebody on the, sidewalk they say that and I look at them weird and then they're like tig's rude and then you're like keep it handsome yeah wait somebody just did that did oh I checked into a hotel in Chicago and what they say she she was just very professional checking me in asking for my

you know like yeah ID and everything and then and then she pulled a book up my book and she said oh I I brought some reading material tonight I was like oh how funny Thanks. And then after she checked me in and gave me the key, she goes, and keep it handsome. And I was like, well, you little rascal, you didn't give away anything. Like when I walked out, there was no vibe that she knew who I was. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. And slid that little puppy in at the end. She sure did. There was no puppy. That would have been a fun thing on checking. That would be very fun to find a puppy into your room. Yeah. That would be amazing. And then you also have to pay the cleanup fee. Yeah. Should we hear what Sarah has to say? Yeah, I'm curious if she's finished those snow peas.

I just want to know if there's a deeper meaning to this. Like we're a certain personality type if we do it. Yeah. What we're revealing? We're terrible people. Maybe we shouldn't play her answer. I'll just call her. Don't play the answer.

Well, can I ask real quick before we, how did you meet Sarah? She flew out as a fan of Andrea Gibson's to see Andrea's. to see Andrea's final show. Oh, okay. And then we all connected through that. But she was there by herself. Oh, wow. She was on her own little journey.

She had lost her dear friend to cancer and was just really connecting with this and Andrea and came out for the show. And then, yeah, we've all just become really close. Yeah. And I kind of forgot where she came. from. But that's where it is. Yeah. Has she ever sung to you? Um, just you? No. No. I should sing to her. You should. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for that.

Yeah. You're welcome. I like her song Brave. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. I eat the too ripe banana because I'm too lazy to make banana bread. And I don't like to waste. She's better than us. She is better than us. May. God bless us all. Wow. So I thought she was going to say something about me at the end there. May.

Waste a lot of bananas. May. I can't do that. I'm an example of what not to be. Yeah. I'm just going to throw away the, I'm bad. Yeah, if you don't want to bake, Sarah, throw in a blender. You could throw in a, throw in the freezer.

Can you believe we had her on the show only for her to shame us about our bananas? She didn't know she was going to shame because she didn't know her answer. I think she knew. But you can freeze the banana past its point. I know this. And then what?

Throw it in a smoothie or something? Then throw it in a smoothie and then the texture won't mess you up. Wait. Oh my. Did you see that? What happened? May made a sexual May said or

I'm like did something like this. Fortune Marie. Put your hand out. May it is. Put your hand out. May. Come on My legs asleep

Oh well let's whisper that But May did this I saw you the first three times you did it Just saying This is a Christian podcast You're tattling on me dude Dude dude Tattling on me dude

Well I got reprimand this stuff You're tattling on me You're tattling on me Keep your ruffled panties in your pants What's up girl dude bro Yeah Okay My sons call me dude.

That's really fun. I don't just at that age. How do you feel about that? Dude. I don't know if I would love it. I'd be like, it's mommy. Mom daddy. Mom daddy.

It's a mommy daddy to you. Whatcha ma' call it. Much of a who's it. I feel like dude's a sign of respect. It's like they're like we're front. And it's not all the time. Every once in a while it slips out. Well, it'll be like, guys, you have to put your shoes on.

Dude, I just, you know. I love that. Not for me. Okay. Well, call me mom daddy. Don't you. Are you going to come over as like Mary Poppins, man? Is that what you would go by, Mommy Daddy?

No, I don't know. I've never even thought about it. Well, I need you to think about it. I would probably still be a version of mom. Yeah. Yeah. Mama. Mama.

I don't want to be like it. Old Bertha. Where's my mom? Where's the mama? Where's the mama? Dude. I don't want to be a mama. Well, if you're a mama,

you're going to eventually be a mama. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't know if I want. You chose it. Like mom. Not mommy. Why when they're little? Mare.

And then when they get to be a smear. I like mare. Yeah. Feels so right for me. It does feel right for you. Yeah. So ripe. Oh.

Too ripe. Way to bring it full circle to our bananas. Yes, indeed. Well, this was a treat to have Sarah Borellis. I mean, does it get better than her voice? She's got a gorgeous voice. I'll be listening in my car.

Say what you want to say. Oh, is that her? Yeah. I want to. Wait, how does it go? Honestly, be brave. Oh, yeah. Okay, I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. She has some good ones. Yeah. You don't know that used to be mine. No, I know. It's not easy to say. I was,

oh, Now do you know it? I know it less than I did before. I think... I think fortunes. Having a stroke. She used to be mine. Okay.

Well, oh. You know, you know when people like get Alzheimer's and it's really hard and then sometimes music like brings them back? I feel like if you ever ended up like in a home we went to visit you and you're A vegetable, then we would play you. Oh my God. Vegetable. We play you a song. Is that a fruit?

Not a banana. Not a fruit. I know. I just haven't heard anyone say that. It's been a while. Not only have you put me in a home, but I'm a vegetable. Yeah, but then I play you. Is that from vegetative state?

This is my vegetable. I play you, I want to see you. And you suddenly light up. I want to see you be brave. And I go, and you can't make it one day. And you send me to go. sing and there's no response I'm like past

I'm gonna act dead get her out of here she's saying she's talking yeah she's saying get her out of here well this really took a turn for me

very bizarre ending perfectly healthy enough to go visit me and sing I want to see Wow, you guys are just living your best life. And I'm over there in a state. Well, even if you were a vegetable, we'd still roll you in while we were recording. Yeah, we'd take you on tour. And all three of us would say, keep it handsome.

And your eyelid would twitch and then take it. We go, Fortune Marie. Yeah, I'd know what that meant. Yeah. And then even then my eyelids would be fixed from my surgery. When is it? When's the surgery? My surgery is March 20th.

Oh my God. I'm excited. Amazing. I can't wait. You're excited. Are you going to come sing to me in the hospital? I'm going to eat a vegan cinnamon roll in your honor. Oh, my God.

Did I tell you about that? No, but. Vegan cinnamon roll? Sounds delicious. After I had surgery and had terrible complications in 2019, yeah. I was only eating chocolate milkshakes. that were like the size of like five feet tall.

Oh my God. And then vegan, um, cinnamon rolls that were bigger than my face. And that was, because I, I was having trouble, uh, keeping weight on. Yeah. And so that was, you were just pounding. I was just pounding it. Wow. That sounds delicious.

And now, did you have too much? So now it's nauseating to you or you still love it? I love it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, any hood. I'm gonna have dinner after this.

I know I'm hungry. I'm hungry. Let's wrap it up then so we can get you guys fed. I got to go to a screening of Come See Me in the Good Light, which Sarah Borellis, she's an EP along with Brandy Carlis and they sing that salt and sour and sweet. March 3rd, I'm on tour. Check out Maymartin.net. See if I'm coming to your town. You're also touring or running?

Yeah, I'm going to be in San Diego, I believe it, a civic center, on the, is it the seventh, whatever the Saturday is coming up? Then I have a bunch of dates, Little Rock, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Oklahoma City, yeah, a bunch of places. I don't know where else because I don't have it in front of me, but I'm on tour, Fortunefeemster.com. I am on tour as well, Tignotaro.com. And speaking of San Diego, I've always wanted to have a breakfast restaurant there called the Sandyago. Oh, there you go. Wait, I don't get it.

Well, there's like waffles called Eggos. Oh, the sandy ego. I'm also on Cedar Rapids, Rochester, Minnesota. Also check out Starfleet Academy that I'm on with Holly Hunter and Paul Giamati and an incredible cast. Also, tomorrow I will be performing for the stand-up for equality show March 4th in Los Angeles with Margaret Cho, Mateo Lane, and a bunch of incredible comedians. Come on out. And please share any of your favorite episodes with anybody. Rate, review, subscribe.

YouTube, go to YouTube. Yeah. It's our fun merch. We have all these great shirts that have come out. Oh, we have our show at The Willtern. Yes. That's right. In Los Angeles, May 4th is part of the Netflix is a joke festival.

We will be doing a handsome live show. Do we announce our guests? Yep. It's Britney Snow and Mullen Ackerman. Yeah. Excellent. From The Hunting Wives. a lot of lesy stuff going on in that show.

It's two days after my birthday. Oh, it doesn't matter. No, it does be an action in that show. That's right. May was born in May. A lot of boobies. We heard you. Mullen shows.

Fortune Marie. Tittase. And we're going to ask her about it. Oh, my Lord. Because not only will they be asking a question, we're also going to chat with them a little bit. Okay. And with that.

Keep it handsome. Hansom is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willel. email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast? That was a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart.

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