Handsome - Sarah Gadon asks about house pets

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Sarah Gadon, aka Mae's wife in "Wayward," asks Handsome a delightful question about which house pet they would be! Who's a cat, who's a dog, and who's a... turtle?! Plus, Handsome forms an improv troupe, Tig joins a parade, and a "Calista Flockhart" moment that has the hosts crying with laughter! We have a live-streaming show Dec 22, get your tickets!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to the handsome pot. Oh, do you want to do it? No, I just kind of croaked. I just went, what? Welcome to the handsome pod. It's me, your friend TIG Notaro. Yay, TIG. Yay, fortune.

It's me fortune. It's me, Maine. Yay, Maine. We're in an improv troupe. What's our improv name? I have one. I have a name. Okay.

Improv troupe. Ooh, that's tough to be. What about two against one? And all our scenes are two against one. I like that. Okay. I like that. I like that.

Let's go. What do you have? I suggested improv troupe. You did. You suggested two against one. how about um dumpster tits yeah that's pretty strong i thought of a good concept directed at one of us i thought of a good concept for uh improv show guys you did what i thought of a good concept

for an improv show so i had lisa gilroy friend of the pod friend of the pod at my house very funny person truly one of the funniest yeah and we were i was in heaven because we were playing alanna Morissette songs and singing in our best voice. I was playing guitar. She was on drums and... You sang with her. My best dee. Stop.

I knew that was coming. My best friend, Alanis. Well, I have to come up with complicated ways to get Alanis's attention. And this is one of them. It's because we're playing a, what's the matter, Mary Jane from Jagged Little Pill. Lisa's singing, like there's no end to her talents, Lisa. She's singing stunningly, like belting out these tunes. So we decided or one of our ideas is we're going to do an improv show where we play every song on the album and there's a scene themed around each song. So there's a scene that's highly ironic. There's a scene that's head over heels. There's a scene that's if you're flawless, then you'll in my love. You know, whatever. But we play the songs in between. Anyway, sorry to start the pod with this. Well, I can't wait. I can't wait to tell my best to Alanis about this. Do you have her number? No, I never got her number. I have it.

Do you actually? No. Oh, my God. No. You know his number I have? Who? It will blow your mind. And I don't think I've ever texted with him, but he, I, this is a real bit.

Whoa. Whoa. Oh, whoa. Oh, God, who is that? I think I have his number. And, um. Oh, who is it? Let me see.

Who is that? Warren. Warren. Bady? Yes. Warren Beatty? Yes, indeed. I have Warren Beatty.

And you just have his first name in there? It was either Beatty or Buffett. Warren B could go either way. Oh, my God. I have never texted him, but we have mutual friends. He and Annette and Stephanie and I have mutual friends, and we have socialized with them. Do we send him a pick now? A selfie of all three of us?

Oh my God What a gorgeous man He was part of that The whole Oscars debacle What do you mean? You don't remember that? What Oscars debacle? They named the wrong

Best picture Where they said moonlight And then it was Lala Land It was yeah How did that happen? They were given the wrong card or something Yeah But why was there ever a card

With the wrong information? It was from the previous year it was from the previous category or something that was crazy oh he announced it he was him and fay done away

were on the and they both kind of those two up and comers throw each other up to the bus uh huh it was a whole and were they really trying to throw each other into the bus because I think it was some one of them paused

and the other one was like just read it or something oh my god but they but the person who paused it might have been fay was like but this isn't right and then just read it and it calls that whole thing i love an oscar's blunder like that like adele dezine famously adele dezine was classic that's a gift from the universe what are some other oscar blunders well the slap uh well that was a weird the slap hurt all around the world all around the world what else is there are very few live events now other than sports.

And Conan's hosting this year, right? Uh-huh, again. And we're doing our tap dancing. And we are going to tap dance right behind him. Can you tell Conan, no. Can you let him know? We need to get on our tap classes. I think it's less on us and more on if people want to see it,

they need to start a formal petition. Like we need to, so the support of our community. Maybe our way to get to that is the Golden Globe. The Golden Globes finally has a podcast category. Do they? We're not nominated. Don't worry. But we could.

The Golden Globes not has a podcast category. I feel like this year. Right? Am I crazy? Yeah. No. So we know, but you're also. Crazy.

But could we be the presenters? You would. I say yes. And we come out in tap. And we come out in tap shoes. Yeah. And we don't tap dance. We don't tap.

Which is our loud. Like a horse. Oh, we're a good bit. Our horse suit. Our horse suit. Yeah. People need to see us. You think the smartless guys are going to wear a horse suit?

No, they're just going to be cool and swab. We're going to get in a horse suit. Yeah. Yeah. What are they hosting? No. No, but they have a podcast. Do they?

I did that to Jason during the Zootopia Press. Someone asked them about his podcast. I went, you have a podcast? And he was like, hilarious. Hilarious. Well, I don't, who's phone number do you have in your home? Oh, yeah. Who do you have that would be like, what? I feel like I've, any one of note that I know we've, I've shamelessly milked for the pod and tried to get a question from.

There's no big surprises. I know, we're hitting up all our friends. Yeah. Who do you have in your phone that might surprise us? Well, it wouldn't surprise you. Nally Maines. Yeah, but something that's surprised. Like, you didn't think I had Warren Beatty's

number. I certainly didn't think that. Do I have anyone super famous? You have a lot more than I do in my phone. You know what trend I like? Because it would be really funny if you busted out a name of an obscure

childhood friend of mine that I've never talked. If you went, well, I just like Ian Peach. How to, yeah, Ian Peach. Fortune, that was ever. You think I don't watch your content? That was crazy. Baby cakes. Wait, that's the guy you had a crush on as a child.

Ian Peach was my first boyfriend. But how did you remember that? How did you remember that? Amazing. That was very Tom Cruise of you. That was, that is Tom Cruise of you. Thank you guys. Have you seen the trend on like Instagram and TikTok

where people go to their grandparents who don't know they're being filmed and they go, oh God, I'm so hungry, I could eat Charles McCaffrey or some, and they go, what? What? Charles McCaffrey. They go, how do you know that name? I haven't thought about him in 60 years.

I could eat Charles. They say I could eat. Yeah, and then a random name from their grandparents' childhood. That is so. It's really. I'm just going through my context, no. Brandy Carlisle. But that's not surprising.

What? What? What? What about an elderly male actor? Like I pulled out. Arnold, well, he doesn't have a phone number, but I have his email. He used. He doesn't have a phone.

He doesn't have a phone. No, he uses an iPad. Oh, okay, cool. Well, this is leading to nothing other than me not communicating with you guys on this podcast. Do you have Tignot? Oh, at Will Ferrell's phone number. Okay. Do we call him?

I mean, this is just a tease. I can't call him. Can we prank call him? We bought your number. No, I'm not prank calling. Oh, my God. Let's prank call Warren Beatty. Oh, my God.

I we need to I have a handyman's phone number Oh sure I shared that What's his name? His name was John Okay Mindy Kaling

This is terrible This is terrible This is terrible This is bad This is just name dropping Wait what if I just dial John the night

From New Kids on the blog I should ask him For a question How do we get this episode Back on track Oh I thought I'm going to say nominated for an Oscar Academy Award. Yeah, well, we're submitting this episode for sure.

This one will be the one that takes us. What sounds fancier, Oscar or Academy Award? Academy Award. Academy Award. Yeah. Oscar's like, so angry at me. Academy Award. Yeah.

I have a weird thing that happened related to you, which is I mentioned this the other night, but I got a package that I assumed was. from you, but it was addressed to you. And it was from Willie Nelson has like a THC drink. Oh yeah, I got. Did you get that? But it was addressed to me. Okay, I got TIGs. Okay. So it was from I didn't get mine. Well, I assumed that. It's like an alcohol with THC in it, right? No alcohol. Just like and Willie's just high packing these up at his house. TIG and May are interchangeable. Yeah. He's like, I don't know. They both have a short hair. So I got, I thought, I thought maybe because you don't get high typically, you were like, I don't know, but, and then I don't really. So it's been sitting in my kitchen. And then my roommate, you know, my friend Matt and his girlfriend live in my backhouse. Sure. So they came in and were watching a movie and my roommate's girlfriend was like, I want some of that. And she's from China. She doesn't smoke weed. And. What is being from China have to do?

Well, it's so illegal. Oh, right, right. Like it is so prison. there. It is so prison. It is so prison. Girl, that is so prison. Oh, my God. We're going to start a new saying. That's good. Girl, that's so prison. Girl, that's so prison. And what does it mean? Like, hardcore. It's like, I don't know. We just were making it up. Yeah, it's so illegal. It's so illegal. Oh, my God, girl, that's so present. That is, girl. So she's like, I want to try it. And we were all like, I don't know. It might be kind of strong. And she was like, no, I really want to. So my friend made her a drink. with it like some soda water and ice and yeah and she drinks it i we didn't have any and then i kind of forgot that she'd had it and like 45 minutes go by she jumped off the building she and she's

no longer with us she no she goes totally silent and then i go leslie how you doing by the way do you feel anything and she goes she goes no i don't think i feel anything but my soul has shrunk and i went what and she said my soul has shrunk and now there's space between my soul and my body. And I was like, let's just take that away from you. Isn't that wild? And then how long has she been in the States? Uh, only four months or so, five months. And had she ever had any THC? Once before she said. So her body's just like not really. Oh, her body's just like what is happening. Yeah. And she was, she had a great night. How old is she? 35, I think 33. Oh, man. Interesting. But it cracked me up. And also the, because English is

not her first language. And so she uses language so intentionally. And so, and it always says exactly what she means. And like, you know what I mean? So to say my soul has shrunk and I kind of know that feeling where you're like inside yourself, there's a, that's really interesting when you said she uses language intentionally. So she says exactly what she means. So it's like, that would be a really great and interesting romantic relationship to be in because. Oh, the cultural differences between them too are hilarious and but just like saying something so directly yeah and it's like okay well she was saying that in like in english or like we'll say i love you or these romantic things and in china they don't say that as much but instead if you say something poetic about the moon

it means you're saying i love you so if you go the moon's looking pretty uh milky really they're not milky moon milky moon it's a milky moon wow you love me yeah Because the hot's for me. That's interesting. Mm-hmm. She's amazing. What if you really did like the moon, though? I know, yeah.

And then you're like... And you didn't like the person. Yeah. Even though the moon was clearly so milky. Mildy. Yeah. She said the other night, and she's pretty quiet, and all of a sudden she said, have you ever eaten an orange right after you have a sauna or a hot bath?

I was like, I don't think so. And she said, if you do that, you will have 100% half. happiness. I was like, really? And she said, yeah, a hundred percent, you're going to taste the orange from the top of your head. Like, it is going to be euphoria. So I was like, I got to try this. And she had an orange in the backhouse. So she brought out the orange. And she went to bed. And then so later in the night, I get ready for bed. And then I go in the sauna. And then I have my big moment. But I forgot I'd brush my teeth. So it tasted like toothpastey orange, which but then after that passed, I did have some happiness. Wow.

What is my life? What is my life just sitting in the dark alone, eating an orange in a sauna? I am. But I brush my teeth. I said 100% happiness. And I did eat an orange with after brushing my teeth. And I did feel some happiness. Something happened.

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Let's throw it to Fortune. Yeah. Fortune has life. Yeah. My life. What's happening? Oh, my mom did have some good news, which was nice because, you know, last time we talked about her, it was looking like nothing was working. And that was bumming all of us out.

And she, you know, her cancer is incurable, so it's never going, it's not going away. But some of the really big tumors have shrunk. Oh, great. So that was. Is she on trials? She was on, just on chemo. Oh, oh, right. And they said that they, she took, she was scheduled for like eight rounds, but she said,

oftentimes people, her age can only do like four. Their body can only handle like four rounds. And she's done seven. Wow. And so they, the doctors were really pleased with how much she was able to handle. Right now, her bone marrow is super low. So she has to go off of it to, to, to. try to just rest to get that back up but she had a tumor the size of a lime that's now the

size of a grape whoa that was a big positive that's very significant yeah yeah so that so she's potentially a candidate for this surgery she she's not a candidate for certain surgeries that could get rid of stuff there's too much cancer in there but She's a candidate for some surgery that would help dissipate some stuff some more. And they keep reminding her, this will not get rid of it. It's not going away. So we don't want you to think this is like a fix, but it could help with longevity. So she's getting a couple second opinions on that.

And then we'll see. That is amazing. So, yeah, some positive stuff. She's a horse, man. She's like, I'm just going to. I mean, the fact that she's done so many rounds is insane. She must have been, like, buoyed by that news, too. Yeah, it came at a good time because I think her spirits were starting to get pretty low.

Like, she had done all these rounds, and nothing was happening. And it was her only avenue at the time was chemo or immunotherapy and or immunotherapy. So if they didn't work, there was not much else we could do. so to have some results finally yeah i think made her just put a pep in her step for sure i bet that's great so so that that um was good news and that made me very happy so i've been and when did you get that a week ago okay um that's great yeah and you're filming oh sorry people are texting me i mean is it warren Kids in the blog? Yeah.

Other than that, life is, I've just been working. Life is good. We're filming together tomorrow. I know, May and I. What if I get the giggles looking at you? I can't look at you. You might. I might not be able to look at you.

May is going to be doing a guest star on the Will Ferrell show. And we're going to be scene partners. I can't wait. Oh, my God. I can't wait. Maybe we should get them to put the glycels. stuff on our arms like you got in wayward oh like a contour well i have full tattoo sleeves in what i'm filming tomorrow yeah which i liked i liked it they tried it out and i i kind of liked

how it looked yeah i don't think they're gonna my character is not sexy at all in this show speak i mean says says you yeah what are you talking about i you'll see when you see the show the outfits they have me in they did show me they did show me they did show me some of they are not You know, there's someone for everyone. Yeah, I guess so. Yes, there is someone for everyone. I look like a vintage 90s lesbian in the outfits they have me in. It's incredible.

Oh, is this from set today? How dare you? What is this a roast? That was weird. We already decided we're not roasters. No, I am a ribber. You're a ribber, yeah. And I do enjoy being ribbed.

Yeah. So. Are you done with Toronto? Are you... No, I go back and forth. Oh, really? And as I said, I was supposed to do a part on Fortune show, but I couldn't because I was in my space suit. I wonder if I...

If it's the part I'm doing. I wouldn't... I can't imagine... No, because I'm in town. I'm in town. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you need to tell casting that the three of us need to be in a scene together. In everything you do ever.

Yeah. Any of us does. And then I'm going to tell Star Trek. Please. Oh, my God. need to give us a suit. Be fitted for your spacesuit. Yeah.

I would have a hard time learning all that, um, space jargon. Yeah. I think they've given up on me and they just give me like quips and stuff. That's right. Yeah. They don't try to get you to be like, throw open the sonic transducers. Oh, may would be good with that. What is a transducer?

I don't, I think that's a line from Rocky Horror Picture Show actually. Oh. Oh. Okay. I've been, it's the 50th anniversary of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Nice. It's a 60th. anniversary of Star Trek.

Is it really? And guess I never thought writing jokes and doing stand-up would not only lead to Star Trek, but for the 60th anniversary of Star Trek, I'm going to be in the Rose Parade. No. On the Star Trek. I said, I don't know what that is. And I react. It's in LA, right?

It's in the Rose Parade. Yeah. Yeah. It's on New Year's Day. In Pasadena. Yeah, and it's just this gigantic televised parade, and it's like they have five actors from previous and current Star Trek iterations.

Shatner? I don't think Shatner. They haven't announced Shatner. I wonder if he had George Sikai or something like that. Yeah, George is in it, and then Rebecca. Oh, my. Oh, my. Are you going to be in your costume, like in character?

I don't know. I just was asked to do it And I was like, I've got to do the rose parade Maybe Is Stephanie going to come watch From somewhere with Max and Finn? Stephanie Max and Finn and her mom, I believe Are going

I might text her and try to get in there I want to wave at you. I don't think because they're very like They can only get me four VIP tickets Oh, I don't even want VIP I just want to be by the side of the road Oh, oh sure That's all you

Go for it Yeah, have fun some cider yeah that'll be fun yeah that'll be really yeah i think it will be yeah i've you know i've growing up and visiting mississippi and new orleans and stuff for marie gras i i certainly my family would have like a a float and i i would be on it waving oh really um did you see boobies i don't use that word was that a weird question um i would think Marty Gras, there's lots of the Rose Parade. Well, no, I'm saying in the New Orleans, there's Mardi Gras parades all over the place.

And the ones in like New Orleans, yeah, people. Oh, this is your hometown. Well, there's also the small town parades where people aren't necessarily taking their shirts off. They're lost. Have you done the New Orleans one? No. I mean, I've only, yeah, I've been to that many times. Are there boobies?

Oh, they're everywhere. Oh, God. I got to go. God, I got to go. Yeah, of course. Love the boobs. And let's go to commercial. Love the boobs and the butts.

Uh-huh. Yeah. You gay. I'm pretty gay. Yeah. I'm gay. I'm like, gay. Gay.

I'm real gay, y'all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love a lady. Yeah. Yes. Yes, you do.

Speaking of ladies, should we get to our question? Treating like a lady. What's that Fortune sing from? Yeah, sorry. Thank you. I'm getting another text. God, I'm so popular. It's from Thomas.

Saying stop, sing. Treater like a lady. It's the best you can do. We need to get a handsome float at the Rose Parade. I know. I'm so excited about our question asker. Yeah. Because she's a Canadian icon.

She played Laura in way, That's your wife. That's my wife. My wife. And she's also just been in so much amazing stuff. Today's, what? Take, just looked at me. She did the, my wife. And this one went.

Oh, gosh. Okay, today's question asker is a Canadian actor who starred in films like Bell, Enemy, and Dracula Untold. Also, Alias Grace is such an amazing show. She also stars as Laura, my wife. my wife on the hit Netflix miniseries Wayward Sarah Godin is asking today's question Yes Sarah, she's so pretty The most pretty

Prettier than me No one's prettier than you, TIG Thank you Hey handsome Excuse my appearance I'm in the middle of moving houses this week And I was walking down the street and I saw this little cat And it made me think

If you had to be a house pet, what house pet would you be? Wait, that's just a random cat. She's just like, oh, we're just having the information, too, for us. She looked like, like, you know, Bell from Beauty and the Beast. It's just like in the village. And animals are just approaching her. Oh, this is cat and cats are a, oh, people. That's sort of her energy.

Right? That's the energy she'll bring into that. people are magnetized um yeah but she doesn't have to do much for that to happen i get that i have that a lot yeah that was just oh so tired of all my magnetism i'm so magnetic and good looking that people just like you guys can really talk right now it's true i can't talk because i saw a kitty oh my god i'm feeding this stray cat by my house and then i worry about him in the rain yeah You don't worry about him otherwise? No, he can take care of him.

Someone must be, I mean, I feed him. Someone must be taken care of him. There's a lot of outdoor cats. I saw a funny thing on Instagram that somebody made a video of, they show this cat in the window, and then underneath it says, that's my cat in someone else's house. That's really funny. Like, they saw their cat just like in someone else's window.

Living a life in their neighbor's house. that's hilarious that's funny that's why I shared it honestly because I thought it was funny thank you for that yeah of course anything fortune so law did you know Laura before y'all shot wayward Laura's the character

Sarah that's what I meant whatever no but we have like wait that's not your wife in real life we have mutual friends but we'd never met but we're the exact same age from the exact same place so it really felt like we grew up together

Yeah. We did have an instant, like... A bond. But the first time I met her... No, I didn't go to the same school, though. No, I didn't go to the same school. But I was so nervous to meet her because she's like a legit actor and, like, movie star. And I really wanted her to think, oh, this is a serious person who's going to really, you know, be professional and bring their eight game.

And the first time I met her, I was dressed like a giant sort of anus. Like, I was hosting, like, an awards show and doing a bit. And so I was dressed like a big worm with a... And it was really humiliating. And she was at that award show. She was like, hi. And you're like, hi, I'd like to cast you in my next project. Yeah, it was really embarrassing.

Just ignore the anus surrounding me. She lives in Canada. She lives in Toronto. Actually, she was just in town. Her and her husband and baby and her mom. And then her and her husband came over to my house and rearranged my furniture. They went. That's nice.

That's very Canadian. Yeah, they were like, this has got to be there. Did they get it right? Yes. Changed the entire to the point where no one's even. notice that it's changed because it should have always been in that way. It's supposed to be. It was pretty incredible. Oh, these are good guess.

Oh, they're the best. You like a guess that comes in and rearranges your house? For sure. Get in there. Get yourself comfortable. Don't make me do all the like, I like people who come in and go, okay, we're doing this and let me, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taking charge. Yeah, I'm going to come over and rearrange things.

Please. Back to how I feel like it should go. Yeah. I love it. Take all the legs off the chairs. I love this. She's traveling with whole village. I've got, I'm so popular. I need to Who's texting you? Just a bunch of people. Oh my God. I mean, honestly, there's people in here that there's one person who just texts me. I haven't heard from in years. I guess my

Jeopardy episode is re-airing, but I didn't do great on it, so we don't need to revisit that. I did well in Jeopardy. You did? Your Will a Fortune will forever be. Oh, A wheel of fortune is what I was on. I thought of it. Exercise. What was it? Something my exorcist bike. Exorcist bike.

Crashing my exorcist bike. Classic television. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. When she was in town, we went to, like, she had a plus one to some event and brought me. And Kathy Hilton was there, and that was really exciting for us. Oh, are you a housewife? fan no Sarah is I love Paris oh and I and so I kind of know Kathy through that Paris

Hilton fan I'm a deep Paris fan really a fan of well her documentary is incredible and there's a documentary about her yes and basically you know that that persona that she does it's a persona that she created in her early 20s and you hear her talking and her voice is like yeah bro like it's yeah what's up and she's so smart and she a simple life with her and Nicole Richie oh that show was hilarious they were comedy geniuses that was very funny what a double act and I just think she's great and the documentary actually because she was sent to a troubled teen institute like in my show and so she kind of lifts the veil on that and she's just had an interesting life and I don't know I'm just I think she I mean I like her

listen I'm not I don't dislike her I'm just curious yeah she does it's a fair question Is Carl's Jr. commercials? Does she? Yes. You've never seen her eat a burger? I love Carl's Jr., by the way. It's tasty. I need to talk about Carl's Jr.

Yeah. How it's not Carl Jr's. That's a really good point. Yeah. Carl's Jr. When it's junior, they put the S on the name before Jr. Yeah. Carl's Jr.

Yeah, why did they do that? Why do they move the S? That's why I'm bringing it up. Carl's Jr. It's a very, do you know why, Thomas? They were called Carl Juniors. Carl Juniors. And then they were an economic disaster, but two of the restaurants consistently turned over a profit.

When Mr. Carcher visited these branches, he discovered they were built by the same contractor who misspelled Carl Jr's as Carl's Jr. Oh. And so he just stuck with it. It was a mistake. So it's not something where it's like, that's how you do it with. When there's a junior? No, it's a typo. It's a typo.

And they just stuck with it. Because they were like, there's something to this. Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. The same restaurant owns Hardys. Well, I don't know Hardee's. How do you know this? Fortune fact.

Fortune fact. Fortune fact. On Hardies, I has great biscuits. Oh, you love a biscuit. I love a biscuit. I have three cats and they make biscuits day and night. That's a cute biscuit. Yeah.

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by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions obviously apply. Thank you, Aframe's, and thank you, listener. I like Paris Hilton's mom, Kathy, because she was in the housewives of Barely Hills. Yep. and she's someone said that something was hunky dory and she said who's hunky dory yeah she thought it was dead serious about it she goes who well sorry i don't know who that is the person and it was good so funny that was really good television because she was so earnest

about it yeah wait so what house pet would you be oh yeah back to the serious question because actually paris has a ton of animals she has pomeranians pomeranians just like like my baby boy yeah i mean if i could be a specific house i'm gonna get to see him soon i would be biggie he's gonna he'll be with me soon i haven't seen him in a while oh so i am excited to reconnect will uh will uh will you uh will you send our love i will yeah i was gonna i was thinking if you would see him at some point i don't know yeah yeah just tell him we say hi i will he's good i think he's good yeah yeah um it's hard to tell with his he doesn't answer my phone and he has dead And he has dead eyes.

So I will get to spend some time with him soon. I'm very, very excited. I bet. It's been too long. I'm excited to see him. It's been too long. Oh my God. I hate being away from him.

Yeah. Sucks. He's from a broken home now. I know. That's so sad. I know. Like, yeah. It's just, you know, hard to coordinate because we've been in different places for a while.

Yeah, yeah. But we'll figure it out. Does he have a phone? I haven't gotten him a cell phone. Uh-huh. He's not old enough. How old is he? It's like 11 or?

Oh, yeah. He's not old enough to have a phone yet. But he's, he pages me. He does page. Are pageers still around? They've got to be. Why? Yeah, why?

Just got to be. They've just got to be. It has to be around. There was a comedian years ago that had a joke about the movie, the call. Is there a movie called The Calls Coming From Within the House? No, that's the tagline for a movie, isn't it? From like Black Christmas or something? No, this is like a old-timey movie.

I don't know, maybe. But she reenacted it like it was when Pagers are popular that she's going about her life. Then her pager goes off and she looked down and she's like, ah! That's funny. Yeah. I had a pager in college.

Did you? I had a pager. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. It was so exciting to have one because you get to pull over and use a pay phone. That's right. Nothing more exciting than that.

Well, I think I told you all was an R.A. And did I ever tell you this? What's R.A? A resident assistant. So. Oh, at college. At college. Yeah.

You had a position of authority. I had, so I put on my board, my whiteboard on my door that, because you're supposed to stay. on campus once a month and you can't leave and I cannot be tamed. You're a Rolling Stone and you got it. I need to go to the IHop. I need to do a lot of things. So I would write if I'm doing rounds

if you need me, page me and I was straight up at the IHop eating breakfast. Your page is going wild. If you need me to teach me. If someone paged me I went to the pay phone because again they don't know where it's coming from yeah and these were the days where you couldn't track anything i mean a pay phone just snuggling your face into that disgusting receiver i loved and how funny that it's called a receiver and yeah and the

people were like said what they needed had no idea was it the i hop and i was just like you know answer their question and that went back to my you know whatever the smothered oh that's waffle house. Isn't it like a, they make a face with like bacon and yeah, yeah, yeah. The rooty-tootty, fresh and fruity. God, I love payphone so much. I would get a tattoo of a payphone. The last time I was at an IHop, my father surprised me at my show in Virginia. And I maybe already told this. I remember you're telling us he surprised you, but you didn't tell us the IHOP part. Yeah. And then he had he drove out there to surprise me it's really nice that he did that um and then he was staying in the town where i was maybe it was richmond or whatever and then um the next morning he took

me to i hop and he was like get whatever you want oh yeah this is on me i love that yeah nice but like earnestly yeah yeah yeah yeah this on me were you a vegan bacon no this was a long ago. A bunch of sausage. I was walking around the corner and I saw this guy leaning up like his he always wore

you know those biker boots with like the metal circle there like leaning up yeah he always had a knife in his boots for a pistol. Like hey kid oh yeah but he was leaning up against the wall

and I was like that guy looks like my father and I was like I close I was like oh my god that's so nice that would be so random just because you didn't see him very much.

Oh, barely. Yeah. It was really wild. It was really wild. And then I think I told you, but I sold out the comedy club, but it was Christmas. And he was, he was like, wow. He was like, he thought it was the biggest star in the world. And I was like, no, no, no, no.

It's like holidays. They, you know, they give free tickets to companies and office parties and stuff. But, yeah, that was my last time at IHop. But what house pet would you be? Oh, yeah, Sarah's question. Oh, gosh. Gosh, we can't forget this. I would be a cat.

Of course. I mean, I would be, I mean. Dogs need too much. You'd be stressed. Your owner goes out. You're anxious. I know there's a lot of anxiety being a dog. Yeah.

Cats don't give you. Because you wouldn't give a crap. You're like, get out of here. I've got a nap to take. Leave me alone. I'm snuggling on the bed. I mean, that's what I left today was our three cats. Yeah.

Two of them were cleaning each other. Oh, they're Yeah, I'm becoming more of a cat person You're self-sufficient I've never had a cat Okay Once you get them you'll see that they Do have individual personalities

I never believe that until Because sometimes they seem like dicks Yeah Don't you dare I mean I'm a deep dog person Yeah Sometimes they're not I mean sure

They'll turn on a dime And They like They almost killed you Oh right right right I am scarred for life That was the craziest If you're just turning

into the pod, dig back into the old episodes, and find when Tig got mulled by her cat. Yes, I did. But also, this is what I left today. Oh, my God. Cleaning his sister. Yeah, that's cute. Come on. Kitty City.

Cleaning his sister. Those, I, of all the cats, I do like this kind. The long-haired guys. The furry ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like the matted ones. But do you see his arm around? It's pretty cute.

Yeah, all right. Well, anyway, I'd be a cat. What about you? My friends were at, um, turtle? Turtle? Tortoise? They were at university. It was this big house of girls. And I went to visit my friend.

Girl. Were there boobies in there? Were there boobies? And they were like, I mean, it was a filthy house. Like they were, you know, and they partied all the time. And I went to stay for the weekend with my friend. And one of them had a pet snake that escaped and was never found again. No.

It was somewhere in the house. It escaped and it was this big whatever. They never found it? It never appeared. So it might not have been in the house anymore. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I know I'm right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That were, I was watching a late night interview was Zoe Kravitz. And her mom has a snake. Okay. And they went to stay at Tay Swift's house. Because something was happening with their place and they need, or it was during the fires or something. yeah and the mom and her mom Lisa Boone who's gorgeous yeah so if she has a snake you're gonna let her bring a snake yeah you're like bring the snake binet and tell Taylor and and Zoe didn't know her mom brought the snake

and the snake somehow got in the wall of the bathroom oh my god they get in the walls they get they go into the walls yeah and they like had to tear this bathroom apart oh my god can you imagine why not just leave it there because if the snake well i guess it has to eat if the snake came out and taylor swift's house and that's a nightmare that's a nightmare why in taylor swift's house because this is taylor swift do you know Dakota johnson's grandmother had lions oh yeah wow that's right house yeah that's insane that is crazy yeah and Dakota would pet these lions like go visit i don't know people are i just i don't One of them attacked Melanie.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I think she maybe got mauled as a kid or something. Oh, my Lord. I don't, I'm not into the, but I also don't have a lot of information. I could be completely, I might, I might have lied. I don't know. This is a TIG, unfacked. I'm not into those kind of pets, like things that belong in nature.

Yeah, or snakes or tarantulas or. Oh, no, I don't want. Any spider, I don't waste any. Driving here, a spider came down in front of me. In your car? In my car. No. Yes, it did.

This is why I don't want to get my license. I'm scared. Just because of a random spider. What if a spider goes? But haven't you been driving and you see a spider and it's very distracting? Yeah, you almost run off the road. You're trying to avoid it. I hate spiders.

I had a friend who, the same thing happened, and he, like, crashed the car, basically. And then had to drive along the highway, like all the way home with no front windshield on the highway. Anyway. Did you say your animal? I'm going cat because that, yeah, they just sleep and they're not as needy and they are soft. But I don't, I'm a dog person to my core. I want to make that clear. Oh, okay.

Thank you for making that clear. Yeah, geez, that really took a serious turn. I had a friend that my, you know, when you're a kid and there's, like your parents are friends with other parents and so they make you hang out with the kid that you don't want to hang out with. So I had a friend like that who was always like, oh, you know, sleep over at this girl's house. And I was like, she's weird. And she had tarantulas that she would feed live bugs. And the bugs were always getting loose crickets. And you could hear the crickets in her bedroom. And I was lying there in the bunk bed. Like,

get me home. Oh my gosh. I almost said a bird because like it'd be cool to fly. But then I realized that any bird is a pet is in a cage. Yeah. And that's not good. And usually, and not all bird owners, hashtag, not all bird owners. Not all bird owners. But sometimes they're weird. They're completely insane.

And so I don't know if I'd want a weirdo being in charge of me. Maybe you'd have a weirdo that wouldn't put you in a cage and you would just, you know, and just poop all over the house, which I know you love to do. I love to poop all over the house. That's, that's tempting. But, you know, I probably would want Biggie's life, you know, because. Um, he's never had any concern, right? I mean, he almost died that one time. What happened?

Oh, there was a medical. This was pre-pod, so he never talked about it. But, um, he had something called H-G-E. It's something that, like, little dogs can get, and they don't know why it can be caused from, like, stress. But he didn't know he had it. He didn't know he had it, but he almost died. Oh. And we were traveling to New York and when it progressively got worse on the plane.

Oh, my God. And he, I was like, he's dying. Oh, my God. Like, I kept taking him to the bathroom. And the thing smells like death. There's no other way to explain it. And I was like, he is full on dying. And we just were like, when are we, when is this plane landing?

You weren't like, is there a veterinarian on the plane? No, because I knew there was nothing they could do. Like, he had to get to a hospital. Uh-huh. So the, and of course, where the plane was going around the airport for a while. We finally get to New York. It takes an hour to get in the city.

We finally get, we went straight to an emergency vet, and they put us in a room, and no one was coming to help him. And he was, like, hiding from us, like, full on, like, going to pass. Oh, my God. And I, like, went back to the nurses station. I'm like, my dog is dying.

Please get, can someone come, see about him and they were like um you know they they took them back and they're like we won't call you unless it's dire and we'll let you know in the morning and at 4 am we get a phone call and we we were like oh my god no no no no no no no no and they just were like can we put a feeding tube down i'm like yes oh my god oh my god lose my number yeah so for like and then we saw the next day he was worse we thought he'd be better so we're like sobbing and like but like three days later they find 10 grand later three days into it they did blood transfusions they saved his life it's like an infection or something it's I don't know it's like that they this kind of graphic but they poop blood whoa um so if there are any dog listeners that experience this and but it's like not just once it's like dog listeners dog listener dog people people who have dogs there's all these dogs listening I I I like to tell people this because you should take them to the vet immediately.

I do love the idea of you speaking directly to the dogs. Well, who would help take their dog to the vet if they were pooping blood? Some people don't realize that what's happening. Yeah. Or they think it's going to pass or get better. Because a lot of times the dogs can be saved, but they have to go to the vet immediately. Oh, my gosh. Other than that, he has a pretty cushy life.

And he's gorgeous. He gets stage time. So I wouldn't want to just be any dog. I'd want to be a gorgeous Pomeranian. Because they're often treated like princes. You know what I want to be?

Like I bet Harrison Ford has some big dog, or maybe a couple big dogs out on his ranch or something, and he's got horses and stuff and I bet he rough houses with those. Can you imagine Harrison Ford? Ah, come here, buddy. And I want to be that dog.

What a specific vision? With Harrison Ford? Yeah. But not Felista Clockhart. Fylist. Calista Flockhart. Fylaughart. Filista clockhart.

Filista clockhart is amazing. It was like this doesn't feel right. Oh, Felista Clockhart. Felista. Clockheart has to be your new aliens. What's your drag name? Oh, my God. Polista clockhart.

It was really that moment of like, I actually, if I'm totally honest, I thought, wow, I really pulled up her name quickly. And then, and then as I was saying, it was like, Philistic clockhart. And then I thought, yeah, that's staring at you like. Yeah. Because it kind of sounded right. It is exactly. of veins for sure Felista Clockhart

Oh that's good Wow I did it I have tears in the eyes That was That's really a favorite That is our new Alistula Clarkhart For sure

Yeah well We're all doing our best Oh my God It's good It's a good name That's a great name She might need to start using that Give Felista Clockhart

On the phone Give Felista Clockhart Here immediately But like, would you, is it more him? Like, what, do you mind if Philist a clock heart? I don't mind. I'll take all the love I can get. But specifically, I want his raspy voice.

Yeah, I think he's. He's like rugged. He's probably feeds them good food. And he goes, come here, boy, you know. Oh, are you into like a Kevin Costner type too? No, I instantly thought, no, but I don't know why. I couldn't tell you why. I'm into a Harrison Ford.

I'm just thinking of rugged actors. You know why? Because Harrison Ford, it has a vulnerability to. to him. That's what I love. You see him, oh, it's, you're talking about my wife. Like, you know what I mean? You're talking about my wife. You're talking about Phyllisca Clark Hart. Now, and you think he's hot, which. Yeah, and I want to be like him. And I just imagine he has, his home smells like wood fire and cedar. Whiskey. And his house smells like it's on fire. Yeah. Okay. And then also, and, you know, there's

quite an age difference between you and and philista no with um harrison harrison me and him yeah are you hot for him like or you want to be him i'm very hot for a young harrison but not 80-some harrison i mean i'm not turning my nose up but but yeah would you hook up with an 80-something year old guy well i'll tell you what i did meet harrison ford at a dinner with i think i've talked about it and would you hook up with an 80-year-old something guy well i i would i don't know i'm got may is okay you're laughing at me turns out yep is the answer if the energy was there really well i met fortune yes i sat at a table across from him and i think he didn't know if i was a girl or a boy or if i was five years old or 40 he didn't know what to make well you don't want you want him to think you're 40 but he

holds up a napkin he starts doing like a bit like like a peekaboo bit for me like i'm a Wait, this happened in real life? I thought this was a fantasy. No, this was Harrison Ford. He goes, because I, I, I met him to. I was like, why would he think you were five? Was Philist a clockhart? She was not, it was at, like,

Why does everyone think you're a child? This happens to me all the time. I don't understand. And they just started playing peek-a-bed with you? No, he did that. Well, he, he was very charming. Wait, he played peek-a-boo with you? Yes, okay, so I met the event.

You're like, I'm really into this. I met the event, and I go. I'd F this guy. he's he was like a clown he he goes uh or someone said may this is harrison harrison mary and he kind of looks at me like trying to figure out yeah trying to figure me out this little baby would love to play peekaboo yeah and i go say fullest of our cart but i he's i said oh we all look so dapper or something like that i couldn't think of anything to say and he went yeah we do actually or something like that then he's sitting across from me and every

time I caught his eye, he'd do something like he'd pick up a breadstick and he'd eat it really slowly making eye contact and then I start mirroring him. We're both doing it with the breadsticks and then he picks up his... What dinner is this? Is it the Critics Choice Awards, I think? Okay. And then he started playing peek-a-boos? And he is really like, I mean, I love Harrison I mean, I love Blade Runner. I love witness. I love the fugitive, Air Force. Have you ever seen Star Wars? Yeah. Okay, because he's in that. He's in that. Yeah, he is in that. But anyway, he was twinkling and I, and I, yeah, he's sexy.

He's got, he's got a, he's got an earring, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I know, he's clearly an attractive man. And what I'm saying is I want to be his dog. Yeah. I was just curious. I want to be his big male dog.

That's like the Iggy Pop song. I want to be your dog, right? Isn't that Iggy Pop? Oh, wow. I thought it was Iggy Pop. I want to be like his, his Cocker Spaniel, his Philistic Clocker Spaniel. Oh, the Stoges. It's a Stoges?

Okay. Well, Iggy Pop was the singer of the Stooges, and they have a song, I want to be your dog. Also covered by Joan Jett. And also, speaking of Joan Jett, I have an original, I love rock and roll, Joan Jett concert t-shirt. No way. I do. And I wore that to go meet a friend for dinner one night when I was leaving. Max and Finn were having dinner at the counter.

And Finn said, uh, mayor, are you? Are you going to wear that shirt to your dinner? And I said, yeah. And he goes, oh, okay, I was just checking. And I was like, that's weird. And then last night, I had a show at Dynasty Typewriter. And before I walked out, or no, I went out, I left for the show. I had my Joan Jet shirt on.

Stephanie told me this morning that Finn said, Mom, Mare wore her Joan Jet shirt to do her show tonight. And Stephanie was like, yeah. And he goes, yeah, I just, I don't know. If I was doing a show, I would wear what I have on, like a polo and nice pants. Oh, you know, like nice enough. So he clearly, yeah. He didn't like, I thought you were going to say he's like, that's a valuable vintage shirt.

He's like, no, he's like, this is not nice enough. He's like fresh enough. And I asked him, I said, I showed him the shirt because I still had it on earlier today. And I said, Finn, is there anything about this shirt that, that you don't like any part of the picture or anything written on it. And he was like, no. And I said, but, and then he got like a smirk on his face. And I said, you thought it was weird.

I wore it to dinner one night. And then mommy told me that you thought it was weird that I wore it to my show last night. And he said, well, I just think you should wear something nicer on stage. and when you go out to dinner. He is from another generation, another era. It's so funny. He's an old soul. He's looking at his 54-year-old mother

walking out in a rock and roll jersey going, you need to. Yeah, yeah. Well, should we hear Sarah's answer? Yes, yes, yes, of course we should. I would love to be a cat and preferably an outdoor cat with outdoor privileges. But I think realistically I'm probably

a turtle. A turtle. I called it. I said a turtle earlier. That was a nice twist. I wouldn't be too scared to be an outdoor cat. Like, especially the coyotes around here. Yeah. I will say we had a lot of toads and wayward. We had a toad wrangler and like live toads. Oh yeah, one hopped over your foot, right? Recently, yeah. And Sarah discovered she does not like having to act with toads and having to pick them up. I feel their little heartbeat. I don't think I would like it either. Yeah. And so I kept telling her really casually, oh, we've rewritten, it's down the line, but we've rewritten this scene.

And so you're going to be in bed with a bunch of toads. And she was such a good, she was, okay. All right. She was trying to really get on board of that. That's so mean, Mae. That's so mean. I had to act. I did this show called Life and Pieces.

We're at a recurring part. And I got to act with Diane Weiss, who I am obsessed with. She's amazing. and an incredible actor and I had to act we both sat on a bed together and we were supposed to have this very emotional scene

and there was a 13 foot python on the bed with us you Diane wanted to die what is this movie because my character was crazy and I had a pet snake and so the wrangler was just like throw this big yellow python on the bed

and Diane's a huge animal person like she's just like not faze by it this snake's like coming towards my face she's acting like you know Oscar worthy performances and I'm just like

oh my God you hate snakes I hate snakes I was dying you know who hates snakes just to Who Indiana Jones why did it have to be snakes Nice full circle Thanks yeah yeah it was not

pleasant I don't want to act with snakes That'd be a fun podcast where you chat and then you have to bring everything full circle in the end. Yeah, that is a good challenge. And the podcast is called Full Circle. No, it's called Carl's Jr. There's another one. Well, what a podcast. What a podcast.

What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. Oh, may it's your turn. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. Well, I guess I'll start.

I'm on tour. I'm going to be in a lot of places over the holidays right after Christmas. Well, actually coming up, St. Petersburg, Florida, Orlando, Florida, then Norfolk, Virginia, Vancouver, Seattle, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indianapolis. Gosh, good memory. Thank you.

That's impressive. I will also be on tour without as good of a memory. And on January 14th, I'll be in Fort Lauderdale, January 15th, Orlando, January 17th, Jacksonville, Florida. And then you can also catch me in Midland, Texas, February 21st. And then please stop by Charleston, West Virginia, March 12th. Oh, I just opened a new document with all these new dates. Chattanooga, Tennessee, March 14th. Go to tignotaro.com.

Come check me out doing my minor market tour. No offense to the minor market people. And then also check out the documentary on Apple TV. Come see me in the good light. Do it. And you go to maymartin.net and I'm on tour starting at end of February. And I'd love if people come doing 35 cities across America and Canada. And also share your favorite episodes with people.

and make sure to subscribe to our podcast and to our YouTube channel and until then my hands warmed up oh it has. Until then. Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tignotaro, May Martin and Fortune Themster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast, what a podcast, what a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.

You know what's smart? Checking Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking if Grandma's done with dinner before clearing her plate. You're ready for dessert, but she's making the most out of every tiny bite she takes. Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. you're in good hands with all state potential savings varies subject to terms conditions and

availability all state north american insurance company and affiliates northbrook illinois hi i'm nicole byer hi i'm sashir zameda and this is the podcast best friends and we're here at head gum so this is just a podcast where we just talk yeah we're best friends We talk and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes. We are professional friends. We are professional friends.

Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, PocketCast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing I'm really sorry I felt the support I was so okay I was trying to be supportive but I was like I don't know reading seems pretty hard right now

it's a lot I think you did good thank you so much you're welcome