Handsome - Sasheer Zamata asks about dinner party dishes

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Sasheer Zamata (Home Economics, SNL) asks Handsome a delicious question about dinner party dishes! Plus Southern translation, a Frito Lays tour, disgusting beans, and more!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh, that was really delightful. I'm twirling my hair. I know, and what was that? Was that a character or was it your accent that you? You know, I just felt moved to just be in a new space and body and time. Oh, wow. Are we disturbing you?

No, no, I'm back. Okay. I'm back, I'm here, I'm feeling handsome. You're here, you're queer, and we're getting used to it. Thank you. I'm finally easing into the fact that you are gay, Fortune. Oh yeah, that was a journey for you? Well, I didn't believe it for a while.

I know, I'm a little bit of a dainty soul on the inside. Yes. There's a lot of dainty gays out there. A lot of dainty gays. Yeah, especially ones like me with these broad shoulders and they're dainty, look really tough. Sometimes we're the dainty ones. Yeah, sometimes.

How are you guys? Fortune, you're sultry and delectable, I wanna say. Thank you, May. Tig, how are you this morning? Is it morning? I believe it's 1.07 PM, so good morning to you, sir. Well. Did you just wake up good, sir?

No, I actually have been up early, but I feel like I'm just coming to life from seeing you guys, so. Ah, okay. There we go. You got a smoothie. It does feel like the's the day starting. Yeah. You'd be really proud of me with this smoothie.

This is, we're talking dates, almond butter. Dates and peanut butter and, or did you say butter? Dates and butter. Oh my God. Can you imagine a stick of butter in a smoothie? No, dates, almond butter, almond milk, cacao. Cacao.

Yeah. Boom, chica, cacao, cacao. Some kind of high in antioxidants. Boom, chica, cacao. Oh, I have a guess. Come here. Oh, who is, is that Jax? Jax, jump up here.

Come here, Jax. That's my favorite kind of smoothie. Dates, any kind of like peanut butter, almond butter, a little nut milk. Mm, give it to me. A claggy, thick concrete type thing. Is it one of those expensive ones, like the $30 ones from the fancy grocery store?

No, it's like in between. It's from that place, Creation, which when I moved to LA, I thought it was Creacion. Creacion. And I kept saying that to people. I was like, have you been to Creacion? Really? Yeah.

What made you think that when the word was? Because it's with a K. It's spelled with a K. I mean, the rest of the word is correct, like creation. So I don't know what that K really threw me. I went like Slavic. I can see that. Do you make your own smoothies ever?

In the pandemic I did that a lot and then every blender I get breaks. What am I doing wrong? Every blender I get, we're talking within a month it's broken. My God, how many smoothies are you making? I mean, if you're making four or five a day. I think like a normal amount, one or two,

but I am getting really cheap blenders off Amazon like for $12.99. Well, we just figured out what was happening. Yeah, you're right. Mystery solved. I was like, do we have a blender sponsor? No, so get a ninja. I feel like when you leaned your head over, May,

that the orb was returning the other way, the other way. Lean over even more, move your body. Yeah, do you see the orb? Yes, I see like a sort of stripey orb. Right down the middle of you. Right down the middle of you. Sometimes I re-listen to our episodes and I can't believe the stuff

that we're putting out into the ether. Like that orb we said was Marilyn Monroe sitting on my face. We said it was the ghost. We said that the ether, like that that orb we said was Marilyn Monroe sitting on my face. We said it was the ghost. We said that? Yes, we said that. And when I listened back, I was like, oh my God. People will often point out something I've said on here

and I'm like, oh, what are you talking about? I know when people come up and they quote something from either saying on stage or in a podcast and I'm truly, I'm like, I'm sorry, what are you talking about? I know. I have no clue. I couldn't have possibly said, eat my ass.

Yeah. Well, that does ring a bell. I know. The fact that it's like, eat my ass is. We have this huge privilege of a platform and microphones to use our voices and we're like Marilyn Monroe's sitting on your face there.

Eat my ass. It's my ass. Who said that? Was it Tig? Who said Marilyn Monroe? You were both sort of piling on. I don't think I said Marilyn Monroe. I feel like it was Tig.

I said it was the ghost of Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, I was gonna say Marilyn Monroe does not really come to mind for me ever. She's not like- About anything. Floating around in your subconscious. Happy birthday, Mr. President. Please recreate that moment. That was incredible.

I have the curly hair, I just need that white dress. We gotta get you to Biden. Yeah. And uh. Oh no. Or if Trump ends up in office. Oh no. Jesus.

You're gonna be. Election year's stressed me out, I can't even think about it. Biden I feel like would try to get too in on the joke, he'd try to be too involved and fun and it would end up being a bit like, all right buddy. That was pretty sexy.

You'd be like, hey man. Hey dude. Hey man, that was great. Hey man, why are you sitting on my lap, man? Yeah, yeah, it is a stressful time, but let's move past that, let's move past that. And yes, we do say crazy, weird, sometimes completely incorrect.

Borderline. Off putting. Off putting. Things and you know what? If you don't like it, scram. But if you do, stick around because there's more of that coming. There's clearly an appetite for it out there.

Yeah, I think what people don't realize is that you can't, meaning you, meaning the three of us, can't cater to each person's needs. Don't you tread on me. That's right. Don't you tread on me. What's that from? I don't know, that's what people say

when they don't like that people are meddling in their business. Oh, they say don't you tread on me. And you've never heard that. Never heard that. Two against one. Two against one. But it's like more like a kind of a country thing, right?

Don't you tread on me. Don't you tread on me. Don't you tread on me. Is it a military thing? Anything is country when you say it in that voice. Yeah, yeah. Let's come up. What is a very proper English thing to say, May? And then we'll have, we'll run it through

fortune's Southern delivery. Yes, okay, a very proper. Could even be Canadian. Oh yeah. How about Canadians are so polite. It's like a butler saying, oh, I endeavor to give satisfaction, sir. Hey, I'm about to plug that cooter.

That's your translation? Yeah. Oh, wait, that's your translation? That's a direct translation. Okay, now say exactly what May said in your delivery. Oh wait, I endeavor to- Give satisfaction, sir. I endeavor to give satisfaction, sir. Yeah, see that could be- No homo.

I don't feel like you're delivering it quite the way you did with Don't Tread on. I endeavor to give you satisfaction, no homo. See, that could be a Johnny Cash song. I endeavor to give satisfaction. No homo. What does no homo mean? I'm not gay? It means that I'm saying something gay, but I'm not gay.

Gotcha, gotcha, yeah. Is that what people do? They say something and go, no homo. And is that fortune? At the end people say no homo? Yeah. I've never heard that. I mean, listen, it's an old school thing.

But it'd be like, hey, you look good. Hey man, you look good in those jeans, no homo. I feel like I can really, I can really. I mean, people don't really say that these days, but you know, back in the day. In the 80s? In the good old days. In the good old days.

I feel like I can tell when something tickles you, Tig, and I feel like you might adopt No Homo into your roll it. How can you tell when something tickles me? It's a twinkle in the eye. A rose colored on your cheek. Hey, your ass looks good in them jeans, No Homo. See? It works.

Okay. I wanna use it with customer service people just when I'm being just like, oh, thanks so much, have a great day, no homo. No homo. Thanks for your help today, you were really helpful. They're like what? No homo.

People would look at you like you're crazy if you said that in everyday life though. Yeah. This is completely unrelated but kind of related. I always do this, not always, but this amuses Stephanie to call and make, I don't know, reservations at a restaurant and add in very unnecessary information.

Like, hey, I got a big group that are gonna be getting together for dinner tonight. We have the one French is very, very big feet. And so we're just wanting to make sure that we have a corner table that could, whatever. Well, we haven't seen David since the incident at my uncle's birthday, but he'll be there and just stuff they don't need to know.

I love that. Exactly, like the large feet, how that would possibly affect. You know, definitely just wanna keep in mind the size of feet that our friend has for the seating arrangement tonight. So, what do you got for us? I bet the staff at the restaurant,

like I bet after that call, they're all chatting about it all day, waiting for this group to come in, looking for the feet. It gives, it's kind of a fun. Or this woman, you know, this woman, she has feet for days. And so we just wanna make sure that

we got enough room for everyone. Everyone's comfortable, you know, so. Feet for days. Feet for days. We got feet for days, no homo. My grandfather, apparently, I never met him, but he had like a British radio presenter voice like super kind of British and he used to call in and complain, just to make people laugh like as a prank call like the BBC and he'd complain and he'd say, I fought in the

war and you're putting this drivel on my television. And it was like all fake, because he loved like, he'd complain about Monty Python all the time and be like, I'm disgusted, I fought for this country. So he called the TV station. I guess these are the days that there are probably four channels or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have somebody just manning the phone. Probably Debbie, probably. Hello. Hello, it probably. Or Debbie. Hello. Hello, it's me, Debbie. Oh dear, so sorry to hear that. I cannot wait to see if Debbie has heard any of our, I'm sure Debbie has not.

I think she would have texted. We still, we WhatsApp once in a while. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think she would have reached out. She'd be like, I keep hearing about me on the pod. You think she would approve of your accent? Yeah, I think she'd be tickled by it, I think, yeah. She's tickled by most things, like she's very,

I think just a very friendly, cool person. She laughs easily, she used to cackle a lot because I would cut a very friendly, cool person. She laughs easily. She used to cackle a lot because I would cut my own hair. Like I'd try and mess with it at the back and come in with these chunks missing. And she'd be like, oh, what are you like? I can't believe it. You've got to toss those scissors in the bin.

I'd be like, I know. Oh, we don't. Why are you trying to do it on your own? I always, in between haircuts, like often actually around my, if I always, in between haircuts, often actually around my, if I'm sort of PMSing, I get weird, it's always around that time of the month. I'm like, I gotta just cut my hair myself.

It's sad. I gotta cut my hair. And then do you cut it and then your menstrual cycle begins and you're like, oh, that's why I got this haircut. That's why I cut my hair, yes, yeah. Is it like that? Yeah, I can't, yeah, pretty much. That's how your PMS plays out, is a bad haircut?

Sort of anxiety and insecurity, and then my solution is I'm like, I'll feel a lot better if I just trim the back. Mess up my hair. Yeah, yeah, and then I like fuck it up so much. I'm too scared to trim my hair. Tig's gotta do it. Tig's good.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, my father-in-law's. But your best was boy cut, right? Like a boy cut? Yeah, but what is yours? I don't even know what gender that is. Not a boy cut. This is-

I don't know that that's even a gal cut. This is all lady right here. Like would you be able to do layers and give someone the Rachel? Yeah, I need layers. There would definitely be layers. I don't think you would be able to do layers. If I don't have layers in my hair,

it gets in the shape of a triangle. I know, I've heard all about triangle head, but have you seen my father-in-law? Have you seen his haircut? I don't think so. Okay, well, it is really good. I mean, truly, Stephanie and her father both think that I cut his hair better

than any place that he goes, any old supercut. And you're telling me that I should have his haircut. If not goatee. Some people just know the best rate for you is a rate based on you with Allstate. Two hands on the wheel, no devices or distractions, and always attentive. That's how I drive. Allstate and I agree. My safe driving should mean a lower rate on my insurance.

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Is it time? Is it time for a haircut? I find it so relaxing. But you know what's really funny is what I've noticed is as soon as I start cutting his hair, he immediately takes on the barbershop kind of. Persona? Well, where he starts telling me about his day

and in a very different way than just seeing him around the house. You know what I mean? That is so sweet, I love that. It's so funny. I'm like, oh my God, this is hilarious. He's fully locking into the barbershop. Yeah, well, also in the apocalypse, that's gonna be a very valuable skill you have.

People are gonna be wanting that, yeah. Yeah. When the zombies are coming for us, we need our hair looking good. Zombs. I'm really hoping to learn how to garden soon. That's my goal in the next couple of years. I would've assumed you already garden.

No, no. I garden as a child and I read about it. You read about it. I love the idea of you reading really detailed gardener's digest and just being like, huh, that sounds interesting. I am just fascinated by, you would think that it would just be you put seeds in the ground and you water them,

but every little thing has such specific needs. My uncle was an amazing gardener and he would plant his seeds and he would lay down in the garden and kind of like put the dirt back in place as he's laying down and he'd talk to the plants. No way. I love it.

Yeah. I love it. I love that. And he called them maters and taters. Of course. Oh,. And he called him Maters and Taters. Of course. Of course. Maters and Taters. Come on guys, we need y'all to grow.

Oh my God. Do either of you know how to garden? No, my dad's big into it, but yeah, I could see myself really like nerding out in about like, there's like pH levels of the soil and all this shit and like, and worms. I'd like to be around some worms. Does that interest you, Fortune?

No. Although I have seen, there is one thing I do think is cool. My friend has it, it's this like tall stand. Yeah. And grows lettuce and what have you. It has different kinds of lettuce. I think that's kind of cool. I was house sitting one time and they told me to water their plant.

And so it was a green bean plant. And so I'm watering it every day and this thing starts growing on it. And I'm like, great, it's growing its first bean or whatever. And then it's getting bigger and bigger. And I start to get it's kind of first bean or whatever and then it's getting bigger and bigger and I start to get, it's kind of grotesquely big for a bean and it's like getting way too big and I'm like horrified and then it turned out

as a cucumber plant and I was really, really, but I was like, it was like a mutant. I was like, this is disgusting. Like, yeah. This bean is so gross. And it only grows one at a time. I also, I almost used the word bulbous there to describe it. Oh God, no.

You need to talk to Parvati, Tay, because Parvati's like, I hate how much you say that word. I'm like, what do you mean? I'm never saying it. I never say that. And she's like, you have no idea how much you say it. And it turns out I say bulbous all the time. Yeah, give me her number.

Yeah, you guys need to chat. Would you be comfortable with me having her number? Or would you be like, what are you doing, Tig? No, I'd feel really safe if both of you had her number. Like, you know, in case of emergency. You know, we're not up to anything. Yeah, I trust you guys. Oh yeah, we're also not up to anything. Yeah, I trust you guys. Yeah, we're also not up to anything.

Yeah, then I look at her phone, you're sending butthole pics. Back door, butthole. Those are all from Fortune. You love the word bulbous, I love the word butthole. A bulbous butthole. Oh my God. Let's call the whole thing off.

My friend, I went to visit a few years back and I was walking up to her home and there were giant pumpkins everywhere, like in the yard. And I was like, why is she growing a pumpkin patch like all over the front yard where you can't walk? why is she growing a pumpkin patch like all over the front yard where you can't walk? Excellent question. And I go inside and I'm like,

hey, you have pumpkins everywhere. And she's like, yeah. She's like, thanks detective. She was like, for Halloween, my kids did the whole pumpkin carving thing and she said, I just threw the seeds in the yard. No way. She just was like, here you go.

And then the whole yard turned into a pumpkin patch. Pumpkin patch. I'm like, that sounds way too easy. That's crazy. It's kind of gardening sounds to me kind of like, like when people talk about their fertility process and some people it's like, oh yeah, we just first try, just did it and other people it's like, shut the fuck up.

We spent 10 years trying it. Like it's just so arbitrary and random. It's also when we were in Mississippi over spring break, Max and Finn love sitting out in my cousin's backyard by the pool and they have like a little fire pit that everyone sits around and chats. And Max and Finn, especially Max, he's very interested in getting that fire going

and keeping it going and he's on it. And whenever I'm around fire, I marvel over how you can sit there and you can move every burning log under another log that just won't catch fire no matter what. You know that kind of situation? You gotta check if that log's a cucumber. That's a good, good point.

Is this a bean or is this a cucumber? Or is this a log that won't burn? I don't know. What is this character's name? We needed to name that character. I love a fire pit though. I feel like people open up. You're not really looking at each other.

You're all looking at the fire like our cavemen ancestors, our cave people. Cave people, thank you. I have a fire put up in my house and we've never used it. Oh, we'll come over. Yeah, why don't we head over now? I had some s'mores sash. Yeah.

Just close our laptops. We can get vegan marshmallows. You sure can, put it on the list Thomas. I would actually love that. I'll text Parv right now with a picture of my butthole. Put some, come quick. Oh no, she's coming. Okay, at least put some text over it

like it's an invitation for a party. Oh, she'll know, she's been to that party many times. I'm gonna say I'm over the moon to invite you to my home. All right. I'll just go over the moon meaning. My butt, my butt. Oh, I was thinking specifically your B hole is a moon because it's a circle.

Oh no, I was thinking of like dropping trowel. Oh, I see. Full moon. Which by the way, I stand by this, I've said it many times, people do not moon like they used to in the 70s and 80s. I feel like it stopped. I feel like in the 70s people were mooning,

but they were also like getting their nicks out at the office. And then now we've like gone too far, we're like, okay, clamping down, but we got to bring back mooning and realize that's just comedy. No, dance in the office and then now we've gone too far. We're like, okay, clamping down, but we gotta bring back mooning and realize that's just comedy. No dance in the office. Especially on a school bus, you wanna see a moon going by.

I feel like maybe it's just from my own childhood, I saw some kid mooning the school last day. Did I tell you guys about the time my mom bid on a tour of the Frito Lay Factory? You are always on these tours. You're on Sound of Music. Wait, your mother, you and your mother went on a tour of the Frito. It ties into mooning.

But wait, yes or no, you and your mother went on a Frito Lay tour. So my mom, so there was like a, yeah, my mom was there. I was there and then I got to invite four friends. How old were you and what in the hell would draw you to Frito Lay? 12 years old. This should tell you how much I love snacks.

Oh my God. So they have these like local charity things that would play on like the cable access channels. Wait a minute, I love snacks, but I don't wanna hear about them. I don't wanna learn about them. You don't wanna taste fresh hot chips? Fresh, fresh off the rack?

Are you crazy? It means I would have to stand in line with a bunch of strangers. Not if you've been on a VIP Frito-Lite. Or maybe. Did you, wait, Fortune, I need to know, did you guys have to wear little plastic hats and gloves? I think we did have to wear plastic gloves

and a cake bread. On your triangle head. And a hat, yeah. But I'm just trying to imagine at 12 years old what my friends thought when they got that invitation. Because my mom was like, guess what? I've been on a tour for six to the Frito-Lay factory in Charlotte. You can invite four French.

Cause she was like, cause I'm going. invite four French, cause she was like, cause I'm going. And I was like, oh, okay. Not only can you invite four friends, but choose the four you don't mind losing. And I wish I could, I wish I could remember what they said when I invited them. I would have loved to, like, I don't have that memory. Did they go?

Yes, the four friends all said yes. No one turned down the invitation. Wow. But we were also, I was also from a town of 8,000 people, so there wasn't a lot going on. So they were like, Frito-Lay tour, a factory tour, come on. VIP, also, what was the difference between VIP

and regular Frito Lay tour? It was like the equivalent of the Disneyland tour guide. So they're like, hey. And took us around. It was early days of Sun Chips, I think. Or early days for us. We had not heard of them. Maybe they'd been around forever, but they were like,

do you want to taste sun chips? And we're like, what's that? That is pretty huge. I feel like for some people, it's like going to a tour of the Columbia record studios or something, but you were on the ground floor. I'm a snack girl. See, I would have been at the Capitol Records

or whatever that tour, and I would have brought maybe a little bag of Sun Chips. But I'm not, I hate those kinds of things where you stand in line and they're like, and this machine crunches it. And then it pushes it through. I mean, I guess it could be interesting now that I hear myself explaining how Sun Chips are made.

You're seeing chips from like in the oil and on the conveyor belt and they're coming around the corner and here come the chips. For some reason, I don't remember being bored. All I remember are them saying, do you guys wanna taste chips right out of the oven? They were like, yes!

You're like, we've been waiting for the whole tour for this moment. Did it taste different right out of the- It tasted so good. Hot chips. Unless you leave them in your car, you ain't tasting hot chips. But what made me think of it is that we had such a great time

at the Frito Lay Tour and who would have known that that would have been such a big hit. But my friends and I were in the back seat of the minivan laughing and we had the windows down and we were loving life because we had just had hot chips and a truck was going by with these dudes. And one of my friends decided to pull her pants down. That's where we're going. decided to pull her pants down. And put her ass cheeks up against the window and made my mom honk the horn to get the dudes.

Wait, your mom knew that was happening? And she did it? She honked the horn. Okay, your mom rules. Your mom rules. She's like, what's happening? What, what is that? It's like, that is a different time.

It was a different time. You know what I predict is gonna happen? Someone from Frito Lay's is gonna hear this and we are gonna be offered a VIP tour. And if that doesn't happen, Thomas put it on the list. Would you go, Ting, to a Frito Lay tour? Of course, of course.

Okay. Of course. I have to say, look, if they're listening, like I'm not even joking that one thing I always have in my cupboard is the red sun chips, salsa flavored sun chips. I like the cheddar. I like the cheddar too. Look, I'm not saying I don't like the cheddar.

Maybe it was sun chips had already been invented and the cheddar were being introduced. Like it was something like noodle. Is invented really the right word? I don't know. Some Mr. Potato Chip had to come up with. Mr. Potato Chip woke up in the night in a cold sweat. Mr. Frito.

Mr. Lay. Come look at my invention. I've been working on this for years. Mr. Lay was working on this chip. After we go on the tour, can we all moon people from the car? Yes. We should working on this chip. After we go on the tour, can we all moon people from the car? Yes. Or we should just moon each other.

Yeah, on three. One, two, three. Like that video where we're all singing the handsome pod, we can be in a circle mooning each other and then we never have to see each other's beeholes. Exactly. And Thomas is filming, so each other's beeholes. Exactly. And Thomas is filming, so he sees our beeholes. He sees it.

We're still working the details out. It'd be nice for our butts to meet though, I think that'd be nice. It really would. Yeah. Should they touch? Yeah, I think they should. Fortune Marie.

You're gonna touch Fortune Marie's bee hole? No, not bee hole. We're gonna be ass to ass. No, cheek to cheek. Yeah, we're not, wait, you're not spreading your genes. Yeah, I'm not spreading. Jesus, dig. I don't know what you two do.

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Go to thrivemarket.com slash handsome for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T-H-R-I-V-E market.com slash handsome. Thrivemarket.com slash handsome. Should we get into our questions? Let's do it. Today's question asker is a writer, comedian, and an actor. She's known for her roles on SNL, on woke, and home economics.

She's also served as an ambassador for the ACLU and she hosts the best friends podcast with friend of the pod, Nicole Byer. Sashir Zameda is asking today's question. Nice. Hi, Tig. Hi, Fortune. Hi, May. This is Sashir Zameda is asking today's question. Nice. Hi, Tig. Hi, Fortune. Hi, Mae. This is Sashir Zemeda and I have a question for you.

Okay. So you're going to a dinner party and everyone has to bring something. What is the dish that you are best at making and bringing? Like what, what are you like, I got the blank. Like, like, what are you confident in your abilities to make and that people will absolutely enjoy? And if you don't have one, what would you want to learn how to make

so that you can provide that for people? Well, I'll tell you what I bring that is a real hit. And it might not sound like a hit, but it is always a hit. Salad. That's correct. What, is it really? No, no. I bring one head of lettuce.

No, have you had that tasty dessert where you cut open a date, you take the seed out, and then you fill the date with your favorite nut butter. Whoa. And then on top of the nut butter, you can put like chocolate, dark chocolate little nibble things, and then a little bit of sea salt.

And you're, are you, yeah, I guess you're not baking these or anything. No. Are you freezing them? I've heard of them frozen. You can do that. You can totally do that. It's like a vegan version of a Snickers.

Yeah. And you're bringing it like a tray of them or? Mm-hmm. And everybody's bringing one. Well, yeah, I just bring the one with the head of lettuce. That sounds pretty tasty. It's so tasty. Try it and get back to me.

You can also just bring the fixins and then people can kind of make it as they go. I'd say I would want it made. Okay, well, I'm happy to make it for you, but some people, they're like, oh, I want more chocolate or no salt or this or that. And so it's like, all right, you do it yourself. So it's a pitted date, almond butter,

what did you say chocolate? Chocolate. Yeah, little chocolate nibbles. You know. And a little sea salt. Little sea salt, and then thank me later. Yeah, it does sound good to me. I mean, it looks like a little turd, but it tastes like heaven.

Heaven on a tray. OK, what do you bring? Oh, man. OK. OK. I mean, if I'm not eating cheesecake, it sounds great. No, I think I've had that and I do think it would be, now I'm sucking up. Now I'm like, I'm really trying to make up for saying it looks like a turd. I'm like, no, actually I love turds. And can you taste them?

I have a great light smoothie right now. I would do Rice Krispie Squares maybe or like a Lentil Shepherd's Pie. A Lentil shepherd's pie? That's like one of the only things I can make. I mean, I can do it with meat too, but it's actually tastier with lentils. And I would do that in like a big pie dish and sometimes with sweet potato mash. Parvati is going to listen to this and be like, you have never cooked one thing. Yeah.

But I can make a lentil shepherd's pie. But Rice Krispies Squares, we used to have an annual party called Fake New Year's in Toronto. I'm sure I've talked about it, but it was iconic. Usually at about 2 a.m., my friend Carolyn Taylor would start making these Rice Krispies Squares and all the drunk people would hover around the stove. You do it, you melt the marshmallows in a big thing on the stove with the Rice Krispies and it was like a classic moment of the party. We had this one party for 15 years and then one year she's doing it and somebody threw a I want to say an after eight mint chocolate into the bowl thinking oh that would be fun and nice. People reacted like like Kennedy had been shot.

Oh, because they don't want mint in their Rice Krispie Treats. No, people were like aghast. I really felt for her. She was like, oh, maybe I should leave. Well, you really can't just go throwing rando ingredients into other people's pots. Yeah, but it was actually, I'm sure, pretty tasty.

Yeah, or you- Not without an uproar. Also, but it was actually, I'm sure you can. They were pretty tasty. Yeah, or you- Not without an uproar. Also, is that a saying? They acted like Kennedy had been shot? No, that was where my brain went. I was going with that. I was like, cause I was immediately thinking, first of all, which Kennedy, unfortunately.

Oh my God. And yeah, I didn't, I was like, God, I haven't heard that saying. It was really dark. I don't know why I went. I was trying to think of a moment where a group of people were really shocked and my mind went to in Canadian studies

and they showed us the video of the parade and the. Well, way to take it down a notch. So what about you, Fortune? Well, first off, do you know that I'm so not great at cooking that when Jack's first moved in with me, she had bought stuff to make Rice Krispie Treats. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so excited that I said I would get us started.

And I went and turned the oven on and she goes, what are you doing? I go, we're making, we're baking Rice Krispie Treats. I'm turning on the oven. It's got to preheat. She goes, have you ever made Rice Krispie Treats before? I was like, um, I thought I had. I've eaten them. Definitely eaten them. She goes, then why

did you turn the oven on? Cause we're baking. She was like, no. She's like, and why are you talking like that? You got a bag a rice out? Yeah, I had no clue. And she laughed about it for like an hour. She was like, you dumb dumb. Oh my gosh. But does Parvati cook? She can cook. We're kind of similar.

But yeah, she'll cook like, yeah, when her daughter's with us, we're having like rice and lentils and chicken and broccoli. We did make rice crispy treats the other day. Yeah, but no, she's not like a massive cooker. I mean, she spent most of her life on a beach surviving. He'd turn up there.

When Stephanie and I first got together, she hadn't really spent much time cooking in her life. And I made some comment about cooking rice and how tricky it is. And she was like, how hard could it be? And I was like, I don't know. It's just sometimes people have a hard time finding that perfect balance

and under cooking and over cooking. Yeah. And she's like, it's rice. I mean, it's rice. What could it, and I was like, okay, well, why don't you make some rice? And so she did. And I have this video.

I mean, we were probably a month into dating and I have this video of the whole process of her cooking rice. And we are laughing so hard because it is a pot of mush. And she's like, it probably just needs a little more water. And I'm dying laughing because it's true. I have to pull this up and I say I'll post it, but I don't know if I will, but oh my God,

it is so funny to see her trying to make rice. And spoiler alert, she didn't. She didn't. Did she eventually learn? Yeah, maybe we've talked about it on this podcast. I'm not sure, but when we first got together, I had put together a list of things I was and was not looking for in someone.

Yeah. And on that list, I realized after we had been together a while that I was like, I wonder what I wrote on that list. And it turned out she checked every box except she didn't cook. I always thought that was such a great quality and attractive when people knew how to cook. And I showed her that list and I said,

but that's the one thing. And she was like, oh, I've always wanted to learn. And then to this day, she cooks and she loves being in the kitchen chopping things and mixing things. And isn't she, she's highly complimentary of her own. Yeah. She's always like, this is perfect. This is a chef's kiss, she loves her stuff.

I haven't really been asked to like a dinner party where everyone brings something before, but I think I would like that. And then maybe everyone could hide like a clue in their food or there could be a game element. Like in the olden days, you could hide a little thing of a. Classic, classic May. This dinner party's boring, let's spice it up.

Let's spice it up, it was called like a frozen Charlotte and it was a little porcelain doll and you'd hide it in a cake and then whoever gets the Charlotte or something gets, I don't know, an acorn, it was the olden days. Put it on the list Thomas. The handsome dinner party. Do you guys have any dinner party games that you like?

I'm not really a game person. Really? No, I am not. In fact, Stephanie and I were talking about that yesterday. I've only been to like two game nights in my life. And I'm typically somebody that wants to just observe and I'll sit and have my spicy sweet chili Doritos as I watch.

You don't like the competitiveness going on. I just, I would rather sit and talk to people, you know? I like being in a small group, having dinner and then spending five hours at the table having hors d'oeuvres and dinner and dessert and coffee and tea. That's a mix of both a little game a little chatting. The one thing that is good to combine both is some so you're sitting at the table and at the beginning of the night everybody gets a sentence on a little piece of paper underneath their plate.

So at the beginning of the night, you read your sentence and it's just like a weird sentence. And then everybody has to, at some point in the night, work in that sentence casually into conversation. And then, so if you think someone said theirs, you're like, did you say your sentence? But if you guess wrong, you're out. Like, yeah.

You have to leave the party. Yeah, you have to go home. Good day. I like writing the sentences and I gave my friend one which was, does anyone mind if I take a quick shower? And it's just such a tricky thing to work into a dinner party. And I don't think she even knew everyone there that well.

So like early in the night, she just drops in and like, oh, I'm kind of itchy. And then doesn't comment on it. And like 20 minutes later, she's like, I don't know, I'm kind of itchy. And then like still- So people have to, I don't know, I'm kind of itchy. And then like, it's still- So people have to, what if nobody acknowledges your sentence?

You have to keep saying it? No, if you, then you win. Like if people don't guess that it's your sentence, then you win. Oh wow. Okay. All right. At the end of the night, it's like,

did everyone say their sentence? What was it? Yeah. I like that. Well, playing the long game. Yeah. It can kind of fuck with the vibe at the dinner party. That's why you sit around and just talk with friends.

I was trying to think of what I would bring to a dinner party, but a lot of the dinner parties I have gone to as of late, the person hosting's providing everything. So that's what made me think of the dinner parties I have gone to late as of late, the person hosting is providing everything. So that's what made me think of the barbecue. So if someone's invited me to a dinner party, I'm usually bringing like a bottle of wine or champagne or something to contribute in the alcohol way.

Yeah. But a barbecue was when I would like contribute something more. I was not a great cook, so I was the one that's like, you knew me, pick up ice. But a barbecue was when I would contribute something more. I was not a great cook, so I was the one that was like, do you need me to pick up ice? Pick up some ice. So I was the ice person. When I did try to cook, I made a pretty decent like a seven layer dip.

I love those. Oh yeah. But Jackson doesn't't really much dairy so I don't ever make it anymore. But that was always a hit. Cause when I was in my twenties, I used to have this barbecue with my roommate for like, we did it for about six years

because a lot of people didn't know each other. We were all newer to LA. And so we hosted a barbecue in our backyard every year. I love the fortunes new to town stories and all the ways that you tried to find friends. So hard making friends. But the barbecue brought a lot of people together. Yeah, this era where you go from the new kid on the block

who's on Craigslist and then you go to the social hub. That's right. Basically, then you're on all these sports teams and you're having barbecues, people are meeting. I love them. I love them. Incredible. And in LA you meet people with all these talents. So they'd be like, oh, we like our singer songwriters. I'd be like, play some music.

They play a magician performed. Also, why can't Jax have some non-dairy stuff in there? She could, but is that as fun in a seven-layer dip? I can't, Jax have some non-dairy stuff in there. You know? She could, but is that as fun in a seven layer dip? I think so. I mean, but. Well you obviously. Of course. But I mean, I feel like the, what is it?

Sour cream and you know, if you find the right cheese, you can pull it off. You can find the alternatives to that for sure. I just, I get lazy these days and I just, I buy something and take it. I go to the store and pick up like a cake and a bottle of wine and a bag of ice and that's my contribution.

But I wish I had like a, oh, I make my famous, you know. I order, like I'll order, if I'm hosting a dinner, I'll just, I'll order it. And then now that as we're talking, I'm like, how sad is that? I got, it's so nice when someone's put some effort in. I haven't hosted a dinner in so long. When I first moved to England,

I hadn't seen my grandma in like years and definitely not since I was the big old gay lord. Gay lord? Yeah, and so I went to her house. I was nervous to see her and I brought my girlfriend and she'd cooked this amazing roast and then we were like, she brought out these chocolate lava cakes and we were like,

fuck, these are incredible. Like perfectly cooked, you cut into it, the chocolate comes to life, she's like, oh yeah, she's talking about how she made them. And then I go to the kitchen, throw something out, the box is in there. She got from- My mom used to do that too.

Yeah, and I was like, well, this is my reintroduction to my grandma's. She's, you know, she's got a few tricks up her sleeve. That is hilarious. I know, I didn't challenge her on it because I was still getting to read. Was she the agent? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's busy with her big clients and stuff. Oh, they're very easy to make. But I don't know if I said this, but she used to for her clients, she had one client, this actress, who my grandma would cook a roast chicken, and when the actress had a man over, my grandma would pass it to her through the window

and she would pretend that she cooked it. This is in the 60s. She would deliver a roast chicken and the actress would be like, thank you, darling, thank you. And then they'd give it to her. This is in like the 60s. Like she would deliver like a roast chicken and the actress would be like, thank you darling, thank you. And then like give it to her. Oh my God, that's hilarious. That's like all hands on deck situation. Why don't agents do that anymore?

They should. They're getting paid way too much money to not do enough. I know. Should we hear what, So she said something? I don't have one. I'm actually the designated cleaner. I love cleaning things. I don't have one. I'm actually the designated cleaner.

I love cleaning things. I will wash all your dishes. I will put the table back together. I don't wanna cook anything. But if I had to, I think I would wanna get really good at cooking macaroni and cheese because everyone loves macaroni and cheese. And when it's really, really good, people talk about it.

And then you're like popular amongst your friends or your family. And they're like, oh, so and so is going to bring the mac and cheese. We know it will at least have that. So I want to be good at that. I have not started the journey on figuring out how to make a good mac and cheese yet because again, I don't like to cook. I've mostly concentrated my focus on cleaning. I mean, I'm really good at that, but I can't offer that because people don't like to cook. I've mostly concentrated my focus on cleaning. I mean, I'm really good at that,

but I can't offer that because people don't eat cleaning. So one day I do plan on making a mac and cheese and figuring out how to make it good, but until then I'll be cleaning. I always forget how much I love her voice. She has a great voice. Yeah, she has a great voice, great vibe, her laugh, everything just feels so, I don't know, open.

Yeah, she has an awesome positive vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very magnetic vibe. I love the idea of making mac and cheese to win the love of your family. Like you're like, well, my family hated me until I made this mac and cheese. Yeah, I totally relate to the cleaning part too.

And every party needs that. You do need the one or two people that are really open and willing to clean. Yes. Yes. I love hosting people. We'll have Max and Finn's godparents over for dinner pretty frequently. And we all just love sitting at the dining room table

and Max and Finn just holding court, thinking that they are sharing the most riveting stories. And it's so cute and they just, they're mimicking how adults are sitting at the table. And if Finn hears something, he can tell if people respond to what he says, he'll keep repeating it through the night because he wants to get that reaction again.

But just with that vibe going on of at the end, picking up the plates and bringing them into the kitchen while people are still sitting and chatting and getting tea and coffee and all of that dessert going afterwards, it's just such a fun vibe. I just got like actual like ASMR tingles almost on my, from you describing that. It's like falling asleep at a party when you're a kid

and your parents are still talking and you get to just doze off. Like I just felt so calm. Yeah. I love being invited to a dinner party. I don't necessarily wanna host it, but I love being there. Oh my gosh, we love hosting. It's typically not a big dinner party.

It's just like a couple will come over, or like I said, or Stephanie's parents are there, or just something like that. But we really have a night, and we just sit at the dining room table, but I really do relate to the clearing off the table and doing dishes and hearing people in the dining room still talking and it's nice.

First of all, we should do that, but then we don't wanna blow our conversational load over dinner and we'll just sit in silence on the podcast. We can never touch each other unless it's on this podcast. Yeah, but I would love to do that with our pretty little ladies. That would be so great. And I really wanna hang with Max and Finn.

And I specifically wanna see Max and Finn interact with Thomas. Like I have these on my bucket list. Thomas was just over yesterday. Was that yesterday? Two days ago? Yeah. What, just to hang?

No, I was presenting at the Writers Guild Awards, and so he came as my date, and it was so funny because we both got dolled up, and then I was presenting. I think I was the second person presenting, so they were like, yeah, just stay in the green room and then you'll go up. And then I was like, okay, we're ready to go to our table. And they said, oh, we thought you were just gonna leave

so we don't have a seat for you. And I was like, oh, okay, well, bye. And then Thomas and I like 15 minutes later in the car service leaving and he's got on a suit and tie. And yeah, so. But I got to hang out with Max and Finn. Yeah, yeah. While I was getting my makeup done hilariously

for my pretty little lady face on, he and Max and Finn were talking Pokemon and what is that other thing? Yu-Gi-Oh. Yu-Gi-Oh. Ernestly talking. I don't know any of that. Yeah, nor do I, but Thomas sat between the two of them

and knew everything they were talking about. You got some shared interests there. Yeah. I was just gonna say as far as Shashir's desire to make a great mac and cheese, a fun tip, I don't make it myself, but I've had it, is using a crock pot. And she'd have to Google that recipe

because I don't know what it entails. So basically just Google how to make anything. So you put the pasta in the crock pot and people use real cheese. And the cheese. Not like the Velveeta stuff, but like a block of cheese and a bunch of other stuff. And you let it sit all day.

And it was the creamiest, most delicious. I'm not a big mac and cheese person, but it was like the best thing I've ever tasted. Chop up a hot dog. So just Google mac and cheese crock pot. Thank you, Fortune. Someone out there in the world will help you. Just Google the most delicious mac and cheese.

You heard it here first. But I'm just saying the crock pot makes it so like, Yeah, homey. taste of it, just really tasty. There is a TV show called Come Dine With Me. And in the British version, there was this moment that went viral, because it's meant to be, it's competitive, but it's also just people sit around

and talk, and you go to, there's like six people, and you go to a different house each week, and at the end, you get points, and somebody won, like had the best dinner party. So they announced the winner at the end, and everyone's like, had some drinks, and they're all very Debbie, jovial British and this woman wins and then the camera kind of pans over and

one of the guys is just standing there. He's this very kind of flamboyant and sharply dressed man and he's standing looking so angry and then he goes, what a sad little life you live Jane. It's crazy and they all go silent. They're like, what? And he goes, what a sad little life you live, Jane. It's crazy. And they all go silent, they're like, what? And he goes, get out of my house. It's so, you gotta watch it. And then so people were making t-shirts of what a sad little life.

That is hilarious. What a sad little life you live, Jane. I think he thought that she sabotaged his points or something, but it was so gross. Wow. Yeah. Get out of my house. Well don't, I mean a gay man does throw

a pretty amazing dinner party. Is that a thing? Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm thinking about- Some of my best dinner parties have been at a gay man's house. Yeah, a gay guy is not gonna just open a bag of Frito-Lays. No, they ain't serving no sweet and spicy chili dritos.

They're like, get that out of my house. What a sad little life. They're making you a Manhattan. A record player's on. It's a vibe. A record player's on, you know, that kind of thing. Vinyl is spinning round and round. There's like million dollar artwork on the wall.

All gay men are floated. Loaded and they all sort of talk like this. There's like one gay man listening right now eating pizza like what? Just eating mac and cheese, like Kraft mac and cheese. Mac and cheese right out of a freaking crock pot. That's right. Well, that was a wonderful question

and a fun little journey to go on. Yes, we're big fans. Thanks for submitting that. Big fans of Sashir, thank you. What do you guys have coming up? I only have three shows left from my Live, Laugh, Love Comedy Tour. I'll be in Atlantic City July 6th, Niagara Falls, New York July 27th,

and Charlestown, West Virginia August 10th at the casinos out there. That is amazing news, Fortune. I personally have a movie out that my wife Stephanie and I directed called M.I.O.K. starring Dakota Johnson and Sonoya Mizuno, and it's on HBO Max. And I'm telling you, check it out.

It's a later in life coming out story and a friendship story. It's really a friendship story. And also my special hello again is on Prime Video and I'm always working out new material around Los Angeles at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. Go to tignotaro.com and get your tickets now. What about you, Mae? What's going on? at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter, go to tignotaro.com and get your tickets now.

What about you, Mae? What's going on? Well, I'm deep in filming, so I'm not really doing live shows, but yeah, you know, I have a book I wrote for teens called, Can Everyone Please Calm Down about sexuality and gender, and that's just been reprinted, so you can, and I wrote a new little forward for it,

so you can get that for the teens in your life, or if you're just wanting to, if you're just a beginner. There you go, yeah. Okay, also check out our merchandise, handsomepod.com. We got all sorts of fun things over there and a YouTube channel. If you wanna see our handsome handsome faces go look at that subscribe and click subscribe on the audio podcast because I cannot emphasize enough how much that keeps

the show going because people are always like don't ever quit you got to keep doing the show and the response is we will as long as you get on your app and click subscribe. That keeps us around. TIG's fingers hovering over the quit button and then yours could be the subscription that stops her. Oh no, TIG, don't quit. I think people should have, like in the theme of this episode,

have like handsome dinner parties, and let us know what you made. Maybe we could come up with a date that everyone should have a handsome dinner party or a month, maybe that would be it. Yeah, and play my game. Ooh, I know the month of August cause that's when we premiered.

So it's June now, start preparing, inviting people, figuring out your dishes and have a handsome dinner party. You can talk about it, listen to handsome, it could be a whole handsome evening and how fun would it be if the whole month everyone's having handsome dinner parties. And we could plan our handsome dinner party with the host.

Yeah. We're all gonna be in Toronto. We're all gonna be in Toronto We could plan our handsome dinner party with the host. We're all gonna be in Toronto. We're all gonna be in Toronto so we can have our handsome dinner party in Toronto. At my parents' house, yeah. That'd be great. And at the dinner party, you guys can't talk to each other, you just have to listen to our podcast.

Yes. No, you have to put that little question under your plate of, oh, I itch or whatever it is. All right, well, until next time. Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com

and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!