Handsome - Sheryl Lee Ralph asks about being too much

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Sheryl Lee Ralph of "Abbott Elementary" and "One Mississippi" asks about being too much... and poses some BONUS questions on a true Thanksgiving feast of an episode! Plus a pahnties confessional, Mae quoting Fortune's life advice, and a host who has a crush on... Pitbull?!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Dear listeners, we have a couple of very exciting announcements as we head into this handsome holo-bob season. Number one, we now have cozy handsome sweatpants and oh my God, we have handsome ponties for sale at our merch store. Secondly, we're having our first ever sale. So head over to handsomepod.com, get your sweatpants, get your Pond Tees and get yourself a deal.

That's handsomepod.com. This is a HeadGum Podcast. the I am your dear, dear friend, Tignotaro. And it's Thanksgiving week, you guys. My favorite, my favorite holiday. I know we are some Americans and Canadians combined into one handsome pod, but this week we're giving thanks for each other. That's right. I'm grateful for you guys.

Fortune's got a hat on. Ooh, I like this. Look, go to YouTube, guys. Fortune's got a hat on. Oh, I like this look. Go to YouTube, go look at Fortune with a hat on. That is a good looking hat. Thank you. Yeah, where'd you get that? I went to a soccer game out here in LA and it's the, I think it's the men's soccer team hat.

Good looking. It says LA. Handsome, I even say. Should I leave it on? Should I do the pod with the hat on? For sure. Yes. It's a very LA look, like the black hat. I I leave it on? Should I do the pod with the hat on? For sure. It's a very LA look. I would pull it down a little more.

Oh, like this? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I give thanks for you guys helping me with my fashion. Fashion. I just had to do a, or I'm about to do a photo shoot. Oh. I don't like photo shoots.

No, not with this hat. I got to, for my new tour, you know, they just have you do photo shoots every now and then, because they're like, we need pictures for your website and for this and that. And I don't like a photo shoot. Do you guys like them? I hate. Well, I know I historically hate them,

but I will say our photo shoot when we didn't even know what the podcast was really, I don't think we even landed on a format, but we were like, gotta take these pics in these beautiful suits. That was super fun and I love those pics. Those pics are good. Three awkward, handsome people.

Yeah, those pics are great. But generally I find like, or at least when you're first starting out and you're scared to say no to people, did photographers try to get you to do like funny stuff in photo shoots? They're like, hold this rubber chicken and like jump in the air. I always recommended a rubber chicken.

I was like, this will be funny. It is funny if you go to the comedy store because there are the pictures like that from like this, like like the 80s. And they'll be like, you know, somebody's holding like a rubber chicken. And you're like, oh man. For the record, what is supposed to be funny about a rubber chicken? Like, it's not like a whoopee cushion

where it does something like, what is it? It's like a plucked. You don't think that's funny? A rubber chicken, May? That doesn't tickle you? I'm missing the joke. Like it squeaks or what? I think, like you step on it or something and it squeaks.

Even if it doesn't squeak, it's hilarious. It's a rubber chicken, May. It's a plucked dead rubber chicken. But that's like whoopee cushions used to be so hilarious back in the day. But they make a noise. They at least make a noise and it's a fart noise and you hide it, there's an element of surprise.

What do you do, just throw a rubber chicken at someone? You know who loves a whoopee cushion? Me. My sons. We gotta get together. Oh my gosh, when people come over, they are still at that age where they believe that when you're acting like you don't notice

that they're going and quickly putting it underneath you. And oh man, yeah, they love a whoopee cushion. And we have many that are like split and destroyed around the house because somebody sat on them too hard. They break real easily. Mm-hmm. I wanna know this.

Yeah, well now you know. Is it Mel Brooks or Leslie Nielsen or someone you used to always bring a fart machine to interviews and press trinkets and like where he'd press a button in his hand and it would, and it's just classic. That is pretty funny. You should do that.

Do what? Bring your machine to your interviews. That's not really my style. You know? Yeah, that's true. It's like slightly off. I would like it if somebody else did it to me. You know what I mean? Like, or I watched them do it.

Yeah. I know somebody whose mother used to just pass gas. On purpose? As a, like. Just as a human being in the world. I mean, like she'd make eye contact with you and be mid-sentence. Love that.

And let her rip and then just excuse herself and keep talking because it was natural. Oh my God, that's so good. That is a lot. But like when did we? She wasn't being funny. She was just like, yeah, that happened. And I'm sorry, excuse me, what did you say?

So how come no other animal species is embarrassed by, like why are we embarrassed by farting? I'm not, are you? You're embarrassed by it, Meg? Oh yeah, I don't wanna do it in front of people, but I love when, I've talked about this before. I think that it's like a, not that I have a fart fetish. I don't, I wanna clarify.

I really don't. But there's something about the confidence of someone who knows that you are so in love with them that they can fart as a punchline. And your, the confidence is so hot. Like some beautiful person is just like, hey, man, I'm like, I'm in love. I will say, and I'm not a big, I'm not big into fart noises and that kind of stuff, but there is a guy on TikTok who goes around and he goes in front of people like on walks and stuff and he jumps up

in the air and it and the fart this huge fart noise comes out and it's just so funny to see the people be like what just happened and he's always like just like fart bombing people yeah in the funniest way I don't usually find that stuff funny and I think it's hilarious. Only because he's like literally jumping like a cheerleader in the air. It's the most extreme version of farting in public. Yeah. It's crazy.

I just found out that... The thing's on TikTok. I think this is connected to the Leslie Nielsen, Mel Brooks thing, but I just found out that Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate, Anne Bancroft, this glamorous, beautiful actress, she was married to Mel Brooks for 30 years. I didn't know that, I love that. She was like, I saw an interview on Instagram

where she was like, I always thought I'd be married to some Clark Gable person, and then I was at a party and I heard this little voice coming out of the shadows and it was Mel Brooks and I realized, that's and I realized that's my guy. I love that. It's funny when something like that takes you by surprise like, oh, I'm into you. Figuring out different, I guess Fortune and I were talking about this on our mini episode, or pretty little episode. It's like when you meet personalities that you've never met before.

And like what a mystery this person is. Like what, you do this and you like this and you can do this and you are good at that but you can't do that. I don't even understand who I'm talking to right now. It's so fun. Like you think there's a finite number of types of people and you're like, oh yeah, I know this type of person.

So I'm gonna meet someone you're like, you're a whole new thing. Who the hell are you? Yeah. It's so interesting. I wanna make a deck of tarot cards, but where I pick the, so instead of like the hangman, the fool, like the high priestess, you pick like archetypes from your life, like the friend who's

annoying, but they're kind of like family at this point. So you still see them like, you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. I don't know what the types would be, but that is a funny, like right off the bat. I know that person, right? The annoying person that is there in there. Till death and you're like, Oh, I guess. Yeah. I have a couple of those. There are some people though, that you still got to kick them to the curb. If they're bringing you down and they're terribly negative and all of that stuff, you gotta cut them loose. I should cut people loose more maybe, but I hang on. But maybe I would like phase them out or I wouldn't see them as much. But yeah, when people are so stuck in patterns that you're like, we're having the same. I'm sure a lot of people feel this about me actually as I'm saying that. I'm sure a lot of my friends are like, this again. Here we go.

Here we go. Let's get this dusty volume off the shelf and crack the old spine. I'm perfect. Yeah, you are a fortune. Especially in that hat. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. You know what I wanted to share is, I was telling Thomas about this the other day. I've been reading this book called The 5 a.m. Club, and I'm almost finished. I cannot recommend this book enough.

Does it mean you have to get up at 5 a.m.? I'm worried about it. I knew it. I don't know about this. Yeah, yeah, you can. You can poo poo it. You can throw all this negative attitude towards me. Yeah, change my mind.

Yeah. I can't, you'd have to read this book. It's so, I do not want it to end. It's so unbelievably inspiring. And whenever I read a book, I'll jot down quotes or thoughts that I have. This book, I keep the notes in my phone. I have to keep my phone next to me so I can, I'm like, oh my God, I have to transfer this quote, this thought.

This is so incredible. Yeah. I love that feeling. And it's really a book about zero excuses. Like zero excuses. None, no lying, no excuses, no sneaking around some other way. And it's also all about how you function in life when nobody's watching. That you are holding yourself fully accountable. And that 5 a.m.

part is that you start your day at 5 a.m. because it sounds daunting, but like, if you get on a schedule, then it doesn't even matter like that you're getting up at 5 a.m. Look, I have not mastered this because I have terrible sleep issues. So I'm trying to get on top of that. But I am so inspired by this book. But basically my kids, their day

doesn't really start till seven. That's when they have to really get dressed, get their teeth brushed, have their breakfast. And we have to be out the door by like 7 50. If I were to get up between five and seven a.m., I could have worked out, I could have done writing. Yeah, yeah. You have this chunk of time when the rest of the world is sleeping. And you know what I what I really loved and I and I'll be quiet about this book, but I have to say it like I think about it all the time. I can't wait to get back to the book.

I don't want it to end. One of my favorite things that it said is that the world right now is so full of distracted people that are just staring at their phones. My god. Yeah, the amount of like stimulation. But not just that, okay. Okay, this is where I was like, oh my gosh. Tig is adjusting herself in her seat right now. It's really simple, but it blew my mind.

We are living in a time where everyone is dividing their attention. They're not focusing in a way that as a human being, you should be focusing to achieve all of your hopes and dreams. And because this time period is full of people so distracted and on their phones, it is the perfect time for people to focus and actually excel and succeed in their life. See that appeals to me. That's like a sneaky little.

Yes, because everyone else is just staring at their phone. Yeah. Oh my God. And sit by them. Yeah, and it's a very- Dig in your butthole. Fortune Marie. But it is, it's a, the majority,

99% of the population is staring at their phone. And so if you make yourself that small percentage that focuses and betters yourself, Yeah. You're gonna, and this isn't just like, you're gonna rule the world, you're gonna be a billionaire, whatever it is that you want to apply this to, to make your life better.

You're gonna attract abundance in that way. Yeah, and it's there for the taking. You know how Fortune has taken on board the treading water and stuff, I'm gonna, when I get back to LA. Look at those guns, go to YouTube, Fortune's showing her guns. I mean, looking good. When I get back to LA,

when I'm like trying to settle back into a routine, I'm gonna, and you don't have to respond, I'm just gonna send you a thumbs up emoji at 5 a.m. when I'm up at five, and I'm gonna start. That just gave me chills. I'm gonna go. Because you know what, I'm not gonna ask you, I'm not gonna follow up, I'm not gonna follow up.

I'm not, whatever. But I'll be a little bit accountable to someone or just like, it'll feel good to be like, hey, I did it. Yeah, I like that. And listen, it better not be you're giving me a thumbs up at 5 a.m. because you were up all night having an orgy. Yeah, thumbs up. Thumbs up.

And let me just clarify once again, I have not mastered this because I'm really struggling with my sleep, but I'm trying to use that focus when I can during my days or mornings when I do get up. I like that. So it's also, yeah, if you find yourself with a few hours in the afternoon,

it's like, how do I, yeah. You have to give your 100% focus, which means not stopping to look at your phone or do anything else. Like I feel like it can apply also to rest or play. It's like, it doesn't have to be just about productivity. It's like, if I'm like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, have a bath or read a book or take care of myself,

it's like, focus on that. And that's equally, yeah, I'm gonna try and do that. Well, yeah, and the book also talks about how everybody talks about how busy they are. They're so busy. They're so busy. They're so busy, but busy doesn't necessarily mean productivity. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The way they break everything down in this book is just, I love it. You know who is in that club? Who? Mark Wahlberg. Oh, yeah. He gets up at like 3.30 or 4. Yeah, he gets up so early.

And he goes and he works out. And he says, I go stay prayed up. But it's not punishing. He goes and gets a prayer to the Lord. He goes and works out. He goes and eats his salmon. He says, say hello to your mother for me. And then he sells his municipal clothing,

he's got his tequila on Instagram. I mean, he does this all before you even woke up. I don't want the rigidity around what I do with it. Like it's like I want to be doing new things with that time, but I wanna, yeah. What I don't wanna be doing is sitting on my phone. Well, you have to make it your own. Yeah, yeah, I'm making my own. You make it your it your own but you know and maybe you won't make it maybe I won't get a

thumbs up from you but um. Listen and send me your thumbs up too if uh yeah yeah sure sure sure. I had one thing like that that like sort of changed the way I think recently was I was talking about how I loved like when I was living with a child, I loved bedtime and bath time. Like that's the cutest, oh my God, like bath time, making someone so cozy. And I was like, I really enjoyed like being outside of myself and just my job is make this kid so cozy.

And then the person was like, well, what do you do for your bedtime and bath time? And I was like, I don't know, I'll like have a cigarette and then scroll on my phone for a few hours and probably like jerk off and then like get depressed. And like, you know. Jerk off, have a cigarette. Yeah.

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Download the app today and use code handsome to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code handsome to get $50 off instantly after playing your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Handsome is hitting the road. That's right, we'll be live in Nashville, Tennessee on Sunday, April 6th at Ryman Auditorium.

Then we'll be in Austin, Texas on April 12th as part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. So get your tickets while they're still available and check out our social media pages for more info. And she was like, no, you gotta do, you've gotta treat your inner child. Like make yourself the coziest you can. Like have a nice bath, read yourself a little story,

tuck yourself in, like, you know what I mean? And I was like, oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, you need to have cozy bedtime. Yeah, and bath time. And a cigarette and grilled cheese. Seriously, I think because I haven't had a routine while I've been filming and I'm eating at weird times, I'm like, yeah, I've been smoking too much.

And I'm just like, I gotta. It's discombobulating. There's no way to have like a real life during that crazy process. I think that's why also it's been really helpful for me to be reading this while I'm filming because I'm so kind of out of sorts in a different country, a different time zone,

away from my family. I don't have, you know, I just don't, I don't really understand my life right now. Yeah, yeah, same. So I'm trying to return to Los Angeles a better person. I'm writing down the 5 a.m. club. Yeah, everybody write down the 5 a.m. club, even if it sounds daunting to get up at 5 a.m.

and you never plan to, what the book talks about is truly so inspiring. And if you have to wake up at 7 a.m., whatever. Yeah, what? You're a loser. No, that's the thing about all this self-care advice and Instagram things is if you're then feeling shame when you don't do it, then that's not worth it.

Oh yeah, for sure. Some days you gotta stay in bed. Some days you gotta jerk off, have a cigarette, and eat a grilled cheese. Jerk off with one hand and smoking a cig with the other. And eating the grilled cheese with your toes. Mm-hmm. Well.

Any other book recommendations? I haven't read a book in a minute. Do you do audiobooks ever? I don't. No, I downloaded Viola Davis' biography. That is in my queue, because I finally got a, after 20 years in LA, I finally got a library card.

Oh, yeah. So my plan is to try to read, but I like biographies. I like learning about people's history and stories. And so my first queue is, yeah, Fy'Ola Davis's book. Do you have any books that you reread more than once? Like that, like I really liked this book, 1927, by Bill Bryson. That's just about everything that happened in America in that year.

I've read it multiple times just because it's really, it's got a lot of facts. It's soothing. You love a fact. I love a fact. I can't read a book twice. I rarely watch a movie twice. I like the one and done.

Yeah. I'm kind of similar, but as a kid, I was really obsessed with the whole Sid and Nancy situation. Oh, no way. You were like electrified by their bond. Well, no. You mean Sid Vicious? Yeah, Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen.

I've never known her last name. Isn't that awful? Spungen. What was the name of that hotel? God, I'm forgetting. I guess I've lost my obsession. But May, I think you would really like this book. I'm going to write it down as well. It's called And I Don't Want to Live This Life. Okay, amazing. I read that three times as a kid. Really?

It is written by Nancy's mother. Whoa. Hotel Chelsea. Yeah, Hotel Chelsea. And you were like eight years old reading this? No, I was a teenager. Okay, I'm gonna read it. But it's called, and I Don't Wanna Live This Life,

which is a line that Sid wrote in his letter after Nancy died. But the book is about Nancy's childhood. Oh, wow. And it is something. Wow. Yeah, yeah. It is a really good book.

I'm buying rap gifts for the crew and everything on the show. And I just bought some of the Bob Dylan Chronicles. It's autobiography that Dylan wrote. That's pretty amazing too because he just paints the whole picture of New York at the time. Yeah, yeah. Get them all the 5 a.m. Club too. I'm going to. Yeah, I'm going to. Now that we're rapping, do this. Get up at 5 a.m. Well, should we move on to our question for today? Yes, please.

Today's questioner is an actress and singer who is nominated for a Tony award for her role in Dreamgirls on Broadway. She starred in the hit show One Mississippi and won an Emmy for playing Barbara Howard on Abbott Elementary. Cheryl Lee Ralph is asking today's question. Yeah. Hey, handsome pod. Here's a question for you. Do you think that when people tell you,

oh, you're just too much, or you're this or you're that, you should just let it slide. I love her voice. Cheryl's voice is so smooth. Amazing voice. But wait, was the question, do you think that when people tell you that? Like, do you just let it slide? Oh, do you let it slide or do you go? Should you just let it slide or do you like say something back to them or, you know, do you defend your personality

or is what I'm getting from them? I tearfully defend. Do you get told you're too much or you're a lot? Only in romantic dynamics occasionally when I've dated like sort of more avoidant people and I get anxious. But no, I think I heard someone the other day, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Yeah. Yeah. And so you kind of want people in your- I think I told you that.

Did you? Was that you? Yeah. Yeah, I think it was. I think it was. I do too. Yeah. I think I like that a lot though. It's like, yeah, if someone's like, you're too much, it's like, all right, well then. I'm not for you. Do you feel that way? Do you feel like, oh well? Or are you like, oh gosh?

Does that- No, I'm a deep people pleaser. I'm ready to change my whole personality. Aw. No, don't do that. No, I'm trying to evolve though, but yeah. What about, I can't imagine you being told you're too much. I get told it all the time. Do you really?

You're too much? The silliness. Really, by who? But like in a fun, it's rarely like in a negative way. It's just like you're- But like who? Like is Jax like, come on? I mean every now and then, but she gets me.

She knows this is my ridiculous personality. More people just kind of shaking their head. Yeah. But it's rarely in a like, you should change way. It's just like you are too much. Yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. Like more affectionate?

Yeah. Like they kind of understand that's how I am, but I feel like I can find the balance with like, a silliness and also being a normal human who understands life and idiosyncrasies and nuances. Yeah, you're not like on all the time. Yeah, I mean, I have no problem sitting in a corner, not talking for two hours.

Same. Especially at a party. Yeah, I'm like, give me a slider, a piece of cheese, and put me in a corner. And some space. Yeah. I was watching Love is Blind, that reality show where they don't see each other.

They talk through a wall, they fall in love, and then they meet, and they have to go on like, honeymoon and then get married. they have to go on like honeymoon and then get married in that order. Weird. What? They don't see each other. It's crazy.

They don't see each other and they talk for like three weeks and they date different people with a wall between them. I have heard of this show and I truly thought it was blind people hooking up. No way. Oh my God. I did. You thought love is blind, I see why you thought that.

I did, I thought that it was blind people that you were watching connect. How interesting. There's this couple who they seem so well matched, like they threw the wall there, but also people are insane, because it's like they have three dates, they're like, I've never felt this way before,

you're everything I've been, but they're like so happy, they're like, we're doing this, they get engaged, they meet, they're attracted to each other. I'm like, oh, this could actually work. And then they're on the kind of filmed vacation in Cabo that's meant to test the relationship. And the guy just keeps going, she's like, I can't wait to meet your dog.

And he goes, that's my dog. And she's like, stop, stop saying that. That's so annoying. And he's like, what do you mean? And then he's like, that's my dog. And he keeps saying, that's my annoying. And he's like, what do you mean? And then he's like, that's my dog. And he keeps saying, that's my dog. And she's like, if you say that one more time. But why is he saying that?

I don't know, he's like being silly, I guess. And he's like, my dog. And he keeps going like, roof, roof. But it's not that annoying. And he doesn't, but for some reason she sees red and she's talking to her friend. She's like, he keeps saying, that's my dog. Like she just hates that he says that.

If she's annoyed by that now, that's when we get like five times worse. Right. But he's like, well, if you can't accept me saying that's my dog, like you said, that's my dog. We're not meant to be together. I mean, we are meant to be together. I met you behind that wall three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. And now we're on a televised vacation.

Yeah. That and that like married at first sight, all those, I mean, all those, I know they're like very entertaining, but that just seems so crazy to just like meet someone and all of a sudden you're getting married. I know, it seems very non-specific. It's like they've decided like I'm ready for the one

and it kind of doesn't matter who it is as long as they're also ready for the one, you know? Yeah. Should we start doing this podcast through a wall? All of a sudden we're all like, God, I've never felt this way about you guys. We kind of are with Zoom. Oh, I can't wait to be back in the same room as you guys.

I know, we're gonna go in that headgum studio at some point when all of us are not filming in Toronto. Yeah, that'll be fun. Did you ever answer if people tell you you're too much, Tig? I feel like I've certainly heard that. Really? Yeah, but I think that I heard it more when I was younger, for sure.

I think that I'm kind of the classic case of once I became a comedian and I could get it out of my system, I've for the most part gotten it out of my system and so now I can just show up to life and be a normal functioning, I think fairly decent person in the world that does little bits and pranks here and there, but I'm not like leading with,

I'm funny, I'm crazy, I'm weird, I'm gonna take this risk. I'm funny, I'm crazy, I'm weird, I'm gonna take this risk. You know, and, or I'm gonna annoy you until the end of time. I think that I had definitely those elements to my personality that were not terribly fun or attractive or easy to be around. And then- It's kind of mellowed.

Yeah, and also I'm 53. And it's like, yeah, but I don't know. I don't really hear it. I don't hear it now. There are 365 days in a year, which means there are 365 days where you might need to buy someone a birthday present. That's a Mayfair.

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against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit.

Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app, Spotify or Apple podcast. I guess when you are a comedian, it's like that is sort of part of our job at times is to be a little too much. Yeah. So yeah, rarely are people saying,

can you take that down a couple of notches, that thing you do for a living? I actually had a really intense conversation with a childhood friend of mine recently. We reconnected and we had such an emotion. We were so close and she shared something that I had done that had hurt her feelings. So deeply like many, many years ago, many years ago. Yeah.

I mean, we were like, it was one of those conversations where it was like, deeply. Like many, many years ago. Many years ago. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, we were like, it was one of those conversations where it was like, I love you so much and I've missed you and how are you? And I've seen this and I've, you know, whatever. And also in that conversation, she was like, you know, you did this thing that really, really hurt my feelings. And I was like, here I was 53 years old going,

God, yeah, that is so hurtful and lame that I did. And I went into the conversation of, I think I didn't know how to use my superpower, you know, of comedy. I didn't know how to use it correctly. And I'm so sorry I did that. Yeah. Yeah. Also the happier you get, the less you.

Yeah, yeah. But that's so meaningful that she brought it up because I feel like people who wanna have tough conversations, it means that they wanna have you in their life moving forward. Because if they didn't care, they wouldn't bring it up because I feel like people who want to have tough conversations, it means that they want to have you in their life moving forward because if they didn't care, they wouldn't bring it up. This was a real out of the blue curveball connecting conversation and it like really made me think about and her too. I think we both were like, God, we were so close and we shared so much and we also hurt each other's feelings

so much as kids, you know? Friendships are so intense and co-dependent at that age. So you're like, yeah, yeah, well. Yeah. Are you gonna keep hanging out, keep talking? Well, I mean, she lives on the East Coast. But yeah, and we've always maintained a friendship. We've always reached out.

And I think, you know what? I think I talked about, I know I did. I talked about her on this podcast where I said that I had felt bad because her stepfather was dying. Yes, I was wondering if this was the same friend. And I have to clarify, I went, cause after my conversation with her, I just wanted to like review my texts and my emails with her

and just like where our friendship had been over the years. And I just kind of did a deep dive on our history. And I was so relieved to learn that it wasn't when her stepfather was dying, it was when her stepfather's pet was dying that she went to meet. Oh my God, wait a second. That is very different.

That is so different. It was different. Pretty far removed. It was, but over time I had made it in my head that it was when he was dying that I told her I actually couldn't really be there because I was going through something. And when I saw that it was his pet,

which of course can be, it is so devastating, so deeply devastating and I do not take any power away from that or emotion or whatever. But it's a different vibe. It's definitely a different vibe, but that's who it is. It's that same friend. But that wasn't the thing that she was airing the grievance about.

No, no, no. It was something like I said, where I was being too much. You threw a rubber chicken at her. Yeah, I was like being an annoying 14 year old and I pushed something too far and hurt her feelings and I totally get it and see it. And I felt bad, but I also felt forgiving of myself because-

Oh, who hasn't? Who wasn't a turd? Yes, I know, I know. But it's still, you know, wouldn't it be a, I don't know, I was gonna say, wouldn't it be a dream if you had like a perfect record in life, but then also if you had a perfect record in life,

you'd probably be the most boring. You'd be so dull. So dull. But yeah, I so appreciated that conversation. I felt so thankful for that hard, uncomfortable. We were crying, we were laughing. It was just really good. Wait, you were digging deep, my friend.

We were digging deep. Yeah. I had a friend the other day who's one of my oldest friends go, remember on my birthday when you lied and told everyone that your parents had decorated the basement for my birthday just because you wanted everyone to go to your house instead of mine?

Oh no. I have no memory of this, but when she said it, of course I was like, oh, we were 13 and there was like a group of cool boys that we were hanging out with and everyone was going, oh, we'll go to Nicole's house and watch the movie kids or something. And my bossy brain, I was just like, I don't want to watch that movie. I want to be at my house. And I wanted the boys at my house. And I went, no, I can't say why Nicole, but you I want to be at my house. And I wanted the boys at my house. And I went, no, I can't say why, Nicole, but you've got to come to my house

because it's my parents' for your birthday. They did something special. It's a surprise. And she just described like walking in and looking around and being like, what the fuck? And I just glossed over it. I was like, anyway, what do you guys want to do? She was like, you've fully-

So seven minutes in heaven? Yeah, yeah. Terrible.. Oh wow. That's funny. I mean, God, we've all done such dumb ass stuff back in the day. Yeah. My friend, um, Leslie, she, I love this lie that she told to make friends. Maybe I've shared this on here. But she told everybody that her grandmother owned a bunny farm. Yeah, I do remember this. Such a kid life. It's like, that's the way she's gonna get friends.

It's like, oh my gosh, Leslie's grandmother has a bunny farm. Whatever it takes. Should we hear Cheryl's answer? Yes. Okay, my answer is, heck no. If they tell you, you are just too much, then you tell them go find less. If they tell you, you think you're all that, just know they're saying to themselves, they know they could never be all of what you are.

Yeah. Yeah. Let them go find what they need. Cause obviously you are not the one. And sometimes that is a very good thing, but that's just me. So let me stop. Oh my God. Go find less. I love it. Yeah, yeah. She's so like magnetic. She is so inspiring. And I can't remember, Stephanie told me that she had posted something on Instagram. And I'm sure I'm not quoting it right because I'm sure Stephanie didn't quote it right. But she was talking about all the old boomers having a problem with pronouns. And she was just like letting them have it. I think I saw this just being like, get over it. Yeah, get a real problem. But I don't know, yeah, when she did such a phenomenal job

on One Mississippi. She was amazing in did such a phenomenal job on One Mississippi. She's so talented. She's amazing in that. A phenomenal job on that show. And then to see her just explode and get all the recognition and attention for, I mean, her talent is, it's remarkable. And she's just such a great person.

She won like an Emmy or a Golden Globe, I can't remember, and gave like an unbelievable speech. You're just like, she's someone that you just wanna listen to. Like, give me your wisdom, you're so amazing. If she doesn't have a book, she should, but I would read that book. I was out to breakfast and this guy came up to me

and introduced himself saying he was Cheryl Lee Ralph's son. And I tell her, I'm like, I don't know what you did as a mother, but you had the perfect child. This guy was so, I was like, of course you are Cheryl Lee's son, you know? He was just so handsome. He was so contained and pulled together and confident and comfortable with himself.

And so smooth and a delight. I think about him all the time. And every time I told her when I saw her last, I was like, every time I go into that restaurant, I'm expecting to see your son. But she said something like, of course, that is just the best as a parent to hear that. And I remember feeling like,

I hope that's how people feel when they meet my kids now and for the rest of time. That's high praise. Yeah. Well, you guys are actually in luck because Cheryl submitted five different questions. And since it is Thanksgiving week, we thought we could have a little feast

of question and answers, rapid fire style here at the end of this episode. Yes, please. Yeah, we're feeling very giving on this Thanksgiving week. So is Cheryl. Thanksgiving is a special time. Go on. Jimmy Walker used to say dynamite, that's right.

Adam Sandler. All right, now here's another question. Which part of your body do you love best? I don't mind. Oh, okay. It's my, it's the only, well, yeah, my hands. I like my hands. Oh yeah.

Right. Yeah. How do you use those hands? What do you do with those hands, man? Where have those hands been? You know, to have a, eat a grilled cheese, have a cigarette and a drink. You like your legs, right, Fortune? I do.

Thank you for knowing me so well. My gams would be... Yeah, your gams. My numero uno, my friend. They've always been like crazy strong, but it's not like I'm in there doing leg lifts. I think it's just part of my body. It's what the good Lord gave you. Mm-hmm, what about you, Tic?

Well, you know, as I age, I'm losing it a bit, but I get compliments on my jawline. Oh yeah. Great jawline. Well, thank you. But I think just on a very surface-y level, I'm like, well, I get attention for my jawline. So I like that. Yeah, I wonder if it's just the right person

compliments you on one thing at the right time. And you're like, oh, yeah. That's probably what happened with my hands. And probably my mom said I had nice hands and I was like five. You know who has really nice hands? Who? Paul F. Tompkins.

I'm gonna have a look next time I see him. Next time you see Paul F. Tompkins, those are the best looking hands I've ever seen in my life. I'm gonna go high five and then interlace my fingers quickly with his. But don't hurt him. But don't kiss him. And then kiss him.

Yeah, okay. I love it. Is there't hurt them. But don't kiss them. Kiss them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Is there another one? Yeah, Cheryl answered this one. Ooh, let's hear it. Cheryl's answer is. And my answer is, I love my waist. I love my waist.

Because even when I gain weight proportionately, it stays small. So I love my waist. But I also love my lips. Because when I was young, they used to make fun of my lips. They used to call me liver lips and all kind of bad things. But now I look at my mouth and it's like, ooh, it's so in fashion.

Everybody wants big lips. Oh, that's amazing. I have no lips. I don't have big lips either. No, like when I smile, somebody pointed this out to me years ago, that when I smile, what I do have disappears. Watch.

The upper lip goes inward. Yeah, yeah, I have no lips. My wife does not do that, so God bless her. That is, I'm good for her. God has blessed her. God has blessed Cheryl, indeed. Hey, handsome pod, it's me, Cheryl Lee's still here. Tell me something about yourself

that would actually blow my mind. Oh, I would love to blow Cheryl's mind. That would actually... Man, this is a tough one. That is really tough. She's good at asking questions. And we've mined the depths on this pod. So I'm trying to think of what would blow her mind

specifically. Okay, maybe this would blow her mind. Okay. Up until about, and you have to understand, I basically was born smoking a cigarette and acting like the Fonz, okay? All right. Up until about sixth grade, I wore the frilliest underwear.

Like lacy, frilly underwear. Wait, we've talked so much about ponties. I never brought up your frilly ponties. Yeah, like my mother and my grandmother got me this underwear. And it's just what I was used to wearing. You just thought everyone wears lace. I didn't even think about it.

I didn't even think about it. And so that was the underwear I wore. everyone wears lace. I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. And so that was the underwear I wore. I love that. And continued to be gifted or given. And so I wore that and I remember when I was in like six, and I'm walking around smoking cigarettes in frilly, lacy underwear.

Nobody knows that secret. That is wild. And you're wearing like a T-shirt and jeans. Oh yeah, T-shirt and jeans and just like, the underwear essentially looked like I was wearing a bonnet. Yeah, right. Like that is what the underwear looked like. And so I remember when I was in sixth grade,

my mother got me new underwear that was not like my Lacey Bonnet underwear. And I asked her to get me the Lacey underwear. And she said, sweetie, they don't make it for this age. Oh my God. That is so funny. I know what I'm getting you for Christmas. So now I had to just move on to just,

I just use very nude looking. Regular ponties. Regular female looking ponties. But yeah, so just wanted to blow everyone's mind, especially if you knew me. Yeah. Up until sixth grade, under that whole I'm too cool facade. It's anna green gables.

Was the most lacy frilly underwear. Like there was lace and frilly across my backside. Yeah. Oh my God. My mom used to sell those kind of frilly ponties. Well, we probably bought them. Yeah, she had a little shop and they had those ponties and I know exactly the frills you're talking about

around the like cut and she even had ones that were like painted, like hand painted. Mine were just white. Bunnies or whatever on them. No bunnies for me. That was a good one, Tig. Thank you. I'm here to blow minds.

That's why we're here. We're here to share stories, reveal ourselves. I don't have one that's gonna blow minds. The only thing that's coming to my head is that seems kind of odd is that when I was in college, I studied the Mayan ruins for a month in Mexico. Oh yeah. You've already shared that.

I think, oh, I did, God, see. I don't have many blowing mind things about myself. I just thought that was so random that, yeah. What about, is there anybody that... Yeah, my mom sold ponties. That's gonna blow your mind. Yeah. I was gonna say, is there anybody that... Yeah, my mom sold ponies. That's gonna blow your mind. Yeah. I was gonna say, is there anybody

that you've been attracted to that surprised you? I talked about that James Gandolfini. Oh yeah, yeah. He hugged you and you were like... And I was like, am I straight? Am I having the hots for James Gandolfini? He's like whispering in my ear and laughing. I was attracted, this is so,

I don't know if I'm gonna share this. Yeah, you have to now. I know. Oh God, what is happening? Of a man that I was like, I don't know why I find him sexy. Was this recently? No, this was years ago.

In fact, my ex-girlfriend about threw up. Oh my God. She was like, I cannot believe you think this guy is sexy. And I'm just gonna say it quickly and then we need to move on. Okay, well rapid fire anyway. Pitbull, sorry. Oh my God.

No, I get it. I get it. Do you? Yeah, I get it. Mr. Worldwide? I get it. I don't even know what that means, but two against one here. Why do you get it?

Explain to me why I think he's sexy. The bald guy that sings Dalle? I don't know, I'm so baffled. I think I'm blushing. And you don't know that his nickname is Mr. Worldwide? No, I'm not like, I don't follow his style. I like saw him and I was like, God, is this guy sexy? I think it's um.

It's the pretty little lady. It's, yeah. Anyway, I appreciate it, May. That is shocking. I appreciate that you spoke up. What's more shock, put that picture down. Go to YouTube. What's more shocking, that I wore Lacey Pontes

or that I thought Pitbull? I mean, he does have swagger though. All right, May, next. We're rapid fire, We're not doing it. I think I would try to blow her mind by naming all the 197 countries of the world and she'd get bored halfway through. But you can do it.

I can do it. Let's hear Cheryl's answer real quick. Rapid fire. And my answer is, I used to play first violin in the orchestra. Oh. I remember it was junior high school and high school. First violin, Mr. Martindale led the orchestra.

I was so good at the violin. Oh my gosh. Can I play it now? Hell no. But I was good. There you go. Yes I was. I shared too much.

I shared too much. I did, I shared too much. You did not. All right, this is a sharing podcast. Sharing is caring. You know what, I'll too much. I shared too much. I did. I shared too much. You did not. You did not. This is a sharing podcast. Sharing is caring. You know what? I'll be honest. I want Pitbull to see me in lacy underwear. Darling. Darling. Oh my God. It's perfect. It's perfect. Mr. Worldwide.

Okay. And here's another question. Toilet paper. Are you an over the top or under the bottom person? And I mean people. They're very passionate about this. What are you? It's over the top. Over the top for me. Over the top, yeah. Yeah. I truly could not care less or ever notice it,

but I appreciate that people care about it. Oh my God, you have to have an opinion. I fix it if it's not like that. You do? Yes, yes, of course. Take it off the thing and turn it. It's disgusting if it's not like that. You do? Yes, yes, of course. Take it off the thing and turn it. It's disgusting if it's going the other way. You can't be reaching under for it.

When it's over the top, it lays just right. But it's still, either way, it's touching the wall. Either way, you're wiping your butthole. Its purpose is very important. I wanna get on board. I mean, that's all right. Two against one. Two against one.

I have a feeling Cheryl's going to be on your side. Yeah, for sure. She's a bright woman. My answer is I'm an over the top. Yes, you are. I just want when I do like that, that that toilet paper just comes right down. I don't want to have to search or reach. I want to know that it is right there.

Yes. Yes. Yes. But yeah, under the, under the thing, it always gets stuck. If it's not over the top and it's under, you're always having to reach up for it. Yeah. It's interesting that, you know, at the end here, Sherrilee Ralph says she's an over the top person

for toilet paper and personality, right? That's right. Yeah. And if you don't like it, do less. Yeah, find someone who wants less. Less, yeah. We want more, baby. I think I'm gonna steal that if you don't like it.

If you think I'm too much, fine, less. I love that. Yeah, steal it. Fine, less. Well, that was a lovely episode, you guys. Yeah, it really was. I love Shelley Ralph. So many great questions.

Me too. She's amazing. I'm gonna be at Largo in LA on December 4th. If you're around, come see me. There's gonna be a special guest. There's gonna be music, a festive vibe. Other than that, what are you guys up to? I'm just always doing shows at Comedy Bar in Toronto

through February. Go to tignotaro.com for all tickets and all my information. I have nothing going on other than podcasting, filming Star Trek and working on my new material, which I guess is quite a lot. Yeah. Yeah. My tour for next year is on sale. I'm coming to some fun cities.

So go to fortunepeepster.com for those tickets and get ready because next week, December 3rd, my special Crushing It will premiere on Netflix. And I would love for you guys to watch it. Also, don't forget to get your merch, your HandsomePod merch, lots of fun things up there. HandsomePod.com for that. And check in on Black Friday, because we haven't really done this.

There might be a special surprise on our site for you guys in honor of Black Friday. I know, me and Tig have no idea what it is. I'm excited. I'll have to go check it out. It's very rare for us. We don't do it very often. And we wanted to do this for our handsome listeners.

And two of the three hosts didn't even know we were doing it for the listeners. Can't wait. That's what a big surprise it is. So on Black Friday, check it out, handsomepod.com. You'll be very happy you did. Yeah, and until next time, you should. Keep, keep.

No, no, no. Oh. You should subscribe. Oh. Rate and review. Go to our YouTube channel and. Keep it handsome. Happy Thanksgiving! Have a happy Thanksgiving holiday! Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is

produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod. for the holidays go to Tignotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to pack plenty of ponties before going out on the town for Thanksgiving weekend. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary, terms apply.

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