Handsome - Tan France asks about missed opportunities

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

Tan France of "Queer Eye" and "Next In Fashion" asks Handsome a question about the ones that got away... opportunities, that is! Plus a Taylor Swift roleplay, Mae's french tuck moment, a Biggie cameo and more!Toronto show now on sale: https://www.ticketmaster.ca/event/100060B1C8A12F96Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Some people just know the best rate for you is a rate based on you. With Allstate, I've seen drivers in LA putting on makeup while they drive. I can proudly say I've never done that and never will. The more safely you drive, the less you'll pay. Who doesn't want to pay a rate based on your own safe driving? You're in good hands with Allstate, not available in Alaska or California, subject to terms and conditions. Rates vary by state.

In some states, participation in DriveW wise allows all state to use your driving data for rating and your rate could increase with high risk driving. Did you know that your temperature at night can have one of the greatest impacts on your sleep quality? Inspired by NASA, Miracle Sheets are luxuriously comfortable without the high price tag of other luxury brands and they feel nice if not nicer than sheets used by some five-star hotels. Go to trymiracle.com slash handsome to try miracle made sheets today and whether you're buying them for yourself or as a gift for a loved one. If you order today, you can save over 40% and if you use our promo handsome at checkout,

you'll get three free towels and save an extra 20%. Miracle is so confident in their product that it's backed with a 30-day money-back guarantee. So if you aren't 100% satisfied, you're gonna get a full refund. So upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made. Go to trymiracle.com slash handsome and use the code handsome

to claim your free three-piece towel set and save over 40% off again That's try miracle dot com slash handsome to treat yourself. Thank you miracle made for sponsoring this episode Hey handsome's we have some exciting news We're putting on another live show We're all gonna be in Toronto this summer and we thought why not keep it handsome in Canada for a change. I'm so excited to be in my hometown. So Saturday August 24th Handsome will be live at the Danforth Music Hall in Toronto in Canada. You can get your tickets now it's on sale with pre-sale code keep it handsome. So go to at handsome pod on social media for the link and get your tickets now because

I think it's going to sell out. Again that's handsome live at the Danforth Music Hall in Toronto on August 24th. Use pre-sale code KEEPITHANSOME to get your tickets. The link is at any of our social media pages at handsome pod. We will see you guys there. Handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Handsome pod. Handsome pod. Handsome pod. Handsome pod. Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod.

Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Welcome to another episode of the Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin joined by my handsome co-hosts. Fortune Feimster.

Tignotaro. Oh. Tignotaro. Fortune Feimster. Tignotaro. And Fortune. Tignotaro. Tignotaro. Tignotaro. Tignotaro. Tignotaro. And? Tignotaro. Tignotaro. Tignotaro. It's your friend Tig.

Fortune, are you there? Tig. Come on now, you can hear me, huh? How come nobody's remixed our theme song into like a techno? Oh yeah. Ooh, an extended. A really long extended dance mix version. 11 minutes.

Yeah. Oh, it's coming now, now that you put it out there. Did you ever finish Max's song? No, I'm still working on it. I swear it's on the list. I swear, I don't wanna half ass it. I really wanna do that. Okay, all right.

If we did a techno remix of our theme song, I feel like the pod, like that would be cool. Right before the beat drops. Pod. Yeah. Pod. Wow, Fortune. I just made up that song right now.

That's really incredible. If you need me to mix anything for you, let me know. Well, I was going to make up the song really quick. Reminds me of the Craig Robinson episode. You didn't just make that up too. That was- May I swear to you. No. Right, May, I am not lying to you.

You wrote that. I can do another one here. Zip, zip, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip Right, just out of nowhere. I feel like if I was listening to that while I worked out, it would be pretty good. It would like motivate me. Yeah, yeah. How are you guys doing today? Um, I'm doing well.

I haven't been asked that in a while. Yeah, I'm doing well. Yeah, how are you? My head tilt to the side, how are you really? How are you? Do you ever cry when someone, when your therapist asks how you are? I haven't been to therapy in a minute.

And it shows, okay? And it shows. There have been times when I'm really tired or run down, someone can catch me in a moment where they're like, how are you? And I'm like, I'm fine. I've been working so hard to send my wife to France with a new bag.

Oh God, I was having a lunch with Jack since like a month ago and I was tired, we'd been traveling and I started thinking about a friend and how her parents were really kind to me once. I had gone on a trip with them and actually a cruise to Alaska was pretty awesome. And I was broke and they paid for all these cool excursions for me to do with their family.

And I started- They're trying to get rid of you. I started thinking about it out of nowhere and we're at lunch, like a really nice place. And I just start bursting out crying, thinking about their kindness. And she's like, are you okay? I'm like, yes.

That was just so nice of them to do that for me. You were saying this to Jax? Uh-huh. Oh my gosh, you're unstable. When kindness makes you cry, that's real nice. Yeah. I don't know, it just got me. It got me good.

I always think about this, I had this girlfriend in my teens, and I, again, stop me if I've told this before, but I ended up moving in with, stop. I moved into her parents basement with her and I was evicted from my apartment, moved into this and her parents were like, who is this person living in our basement with our daughter?

But they were super nice people and her mom was an abortion doctor, I think. Like it's just a real heroic sort of person in general. And they ended up giving me the down payment to rent a new, I think they just wanted to get rid of me, but they gave me like 800 bucks in an envelope to move into a new place. It was very kind.

It did have a note that said, never talk to our daughter again. Yeah, I was gonna say, it sounds like you were evicted for a second time. I know, I know. Wow. But it's nice that you saw a positive spin. It is nice when people just help

in times when you need it, you know? And I hadn't asked, you know, so it was just, it was nice. And she one time came downstairs in the basement. I'd been living there a couple of weeks and I guess we had just had sex in the, it was the middle of the afternoon, probably. Classic May. In the basement? In the basement room and then.

Parents definitely had that note attached. Yeah, they're like, go get $800 out of the bank. We gotta get this shrimp nose out of our house. There's too much sex happening in our basement. But I remember getting up to go to the bathroom afterwards and I was naked and I opened the door and the mom is standing right there and she had been bending over to leave a note

for the daughter like, oh, do you mind blah, blah, blah? And I was- Do you mind keeping the moaning down? Or chin. And you were butt ass naked? Butt ass naked, I was so embarrassed and she was like, oh, okay. And then I had to slink upstairs after to apologize,

like fully clothed, I go upstairs and I'm like, I am so sorry. And she's like, no, I'm an abortion doctor, I've seen it all. Oh, she's throwing that around. She's like, I abort babies. This is no shock to me. This is intense. Somebody rang our doorbell in the middle of the night.

Maybe it was only 10 o'clock. We could have got up early over here. And I got up out of bed. Stephanie was out doing a show and her mother was spending the night at our house and she and I, me and Nana both walked to the front window of the house at 10 o'clock to look out to see who it was and we were both just chatting at the window of like, Oh, I wonder who that was. So late. And, and then we both looked down and I was just in my Pontes, which I told you,

I just sleep in my underwear. And that is how comfortable I am with Stephanie's mother. That I'm not like, oh my God, I'm just standing there, barefoot, no pants, Pontes, no shirt, and just we're just discussing the fact that we don't know who just rang the doorbell. I know one Jackson's mom seeing me like that. In your ponties?

In my ponties. I can't remember if we both kind of mentioned it and laughed for a second, or if it was the next day, Stephanie mentioned that clearly her mother had mentioned that, oh and then I think we went to stay with her mother and then her mother made some joke at some point like and make sure to put your clothes on this time before you, you know, whatever.

But yeah, I didn't even flinch and nor did she as we stood there chatting, she was in her robe and I'm in Ponte's. Do you have a robe? Do you guys wear bath robes? I have a robe, but I don't ever put it in. I just run around. If I have to run downstairs, I just run down in my Ponte's.

Are we talking about Tidy Whitey's? What are these? My Ponte's? Yeah. No, they're- Thong? No. Yeah, you rocking that thong, girl. Always in the thong.

You rocking that thong, what you got? I don't wear, like Tidy Whitey's like boy underwear. Yeah, girl version of that. Yeah, I don't wear boy underwear. I definitely wear- Grease, I guess they're called? No, I think I wear maybe even girly feminine underwear. Victoria's Secret.

Do you wear lacy underwear? Not lacy, it's just like my skin color. It's like skin tone, like really thin underwear. Beige. Yeah, yeah. And it's thin? Yeah, it's like really, it's not like thick cotton underwear. It's just like. Oh, it's not.

It's silk. It's not silk, I don't know what it is. We're trying to get to the bottom of your ponties. Yes, off of my ponties. Well, I'm just trying to give our listeners a good visual. Yeah. We're trying to just picture what we're seeing. Well, if you want a really good visual,

picture me walking through the underwear department of a store looking for little kind of pretty little lady, flesh colored lady ponties. You're looking for lady ponties. With the look that I have. And it's like, do they think I'm just buying underwear for a gift for someone? They're like, oh, you're a good boyfriend

getting this really for your lady. I'm just picturing a Barbie doll or a Ken doll is just smooth down there. So if you're wearing a flesh colored undie, it might just look like you got nothing. Yeah, I basically just look like, yeah, just a flesh. I just look like, yeah, just a flesh. I just look like flesh doll. Yeah, flesh doll.

Just chatting at my front window with my mother-in-law. Not to pivot, but I just. I thought you were gonna tell us about your ponties. I'm just wearing like, I guess they are girls underwear like Calvin Klein black ones with like, but they're kind of androgynous, I don't know but I'm I'm addicted to them. I like a boxer brief in case anyone wanted to know I'll buy it with some for your birthday. I'm a boxer brief. Yeah, so yeah, I like that I got to cover my goods pretty good. You know what I mean?

Gotta cover your holes. I'm gonna cover all my holes. I don't want anything popping out Fortune put your hole back in You gotta cover your holes. I gotta cover all my holes. I don't want anything popping out. Fortune, put your hole back in. I don't know. All I was gonna say is I just noticed, cause I just got a glass of water before recording. And I noticed that this was a very special glass to me. It was like a vintage Montreal Olympics, 1986 or something, Winter Olympics in Montreal cup and glass.

And I put it through the washing machine and all of them, it's just all the markings gone. It's just a clear glass. I think you mean dishwasher, not the washing machine. Yeah, dishwasher. The washing machine. Washing machine ruined my glass. You would hear one big shattering noise

and then a bunch of clinkity clink. So now it's just glass. We have no clue that it was from the Montreal Olympics. I know. 1986, before you were even born. I ordered it especially on Etsy or something. Cause yeah, I have a friend who's like passionate about those Olympic, the winter Olympics in Montreal in the 80s.

And so I got us these, and now it's, you know. Wait, when were you born? That's before you were born? Wait, when were you born? 87. How weird that people were born that year. Dude, there are people who are 24 who were born in 2000. I mean, that's crazy to me.

That makes no sense and it should be illegal. Time is not linear, right? Because it is speeding up. Yeah. Something's going on. Something is for sure going on. I feel like we just celebrated the new year and it's already. Christmas.

And it's summer. It's definitely still that thing of when you run into people already Christmas. It's definitely still that thing of when you run into people after the pandemic and you're like, they're 92, you know, it's startling. And I'm sure they feel that when they see me. Well, so much time passed where you didn't see people. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. You didn't see Jax's grandma for like a year and a half. Yeah.

And she's literally 92, right? Well, she died. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Thank you guys. That's why I just pulled a TIG. Oh yeah, that is your signature move, TIG. They're dead, My parents are dead.

Yeah, I do feel like something is afoot with time though. I do feel like it's speeding up. I'll get to the bottom of it. Don't you worry. Thank you, Mae. Yeah, thank you. Something is afoot with time. But Mae asked us how we were doing.

I guess I took it down a weird road. I didn't get to find out how you guys are doing. Well, I'm bummed about this glass. Otherwise, I'm pretty good. People are always mad at me, because I'm flaking a lot. When I get overwhelmed, I still say yes to a bunch of social things.

And I feel like we've talked on the pod about getting better at just saying no. And yeah, and so that's my constant thing is just going into shame spirals because I'm letting people down, but I shouldn't have said yes in the first place. Because you're saying yes because you don't wanna like. Because in the moment I really wanna do all the things.

Right, and then you end up flaking and they're more, they would rather you have just said no in the first place. Yeah. Yes, and flake. Cause even, let's say I got something on a Wednesday and on the Monday I think, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that

cause I got all this other stuff to do. Then I worry about, I should just say on the Monday, hey, I'm not gonna be able to make it on Wednesday, but I, all Monday and Tuesday, I'm like, maybe I could still swing it. And then an hour before or something, I'm like, I can't. And then they're pissed. I'm gonna drop you like a hot potato and you deal with it. Deal with it, I'm out. Deal with my flakiness.

It is better to give people, like if you did it two days before, that's better than like an hour before for sure. Yeah, you should consider people kind of like how doctor's appointments are or massage appointments. So, I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. I think that's better than like an hour before for sure Yeah, you should consider people kind of like how doctors appointments are or massage appointments or if you don't 24 or 48 hours. Yeah. Yeah

Place you gotta pay Do you think that would make them less mad if it was cold hard cash every time I flaked? So you got 50 bucks? Yes. Yes. 50 bucks? That's usually the cancellation fee, right? 50 bucks?

500. 500. 500 and then I would consider, this is what I charge all friends that ditch last minute, then mow me 500 and I will consider a friendship with you. I'm only 50 bucks. Okay. So you better think twice before,

you better really know you wanna hang out with Tig. Mm-hmm. That means if I flake on this pot, I'm at 550 right away. And I don't even know what Thomas is gonna turn me. Thomas is a cool six hundo. Ooh, six hundo. I paid that once.

I paid it once and learned my lesson. That's if you cancel, if the 48 hours has already started. Yeah. If you cancel before the 48 hours, you don't get charged. Then you pay me. You pay me 700.

Wait, why are we gonna pay? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The weather's getting warmer. It's time for me to ditch my jackets and my sweaters.

I gotta find some shorts and some t-shirts. I used to waste my money on clothes that would only last for like one season, but that was until I found Quince. And now I've got high quality pieces that never go out of style. Quince has all the seasonal must haves like 100% European linen shirts from $30. Performance polos and versatile flow knit activewear. The best part, all Quince items are priced

50-80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts the cost of the middleman out and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices along with premium fabrics and finishes, which I love. I just got bamboo sheets, which are very breathable. They're not too hot for the summer. Very cozy. I spend a lot of time in bed, so I want to make it like the best. Upgrade your wardrobe. Go to quince. com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince

dot com slash handsome. I love the show hacks and it is back baby for season three. That's right. We are going to see what kind of antics Deborah Vance is up to this season. She is such a treat to watch because um who doesn't love Jean Smart? She is so freaking talented. Now season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up and I highly recommend that you do so before season three starts. There is also an official Hacks podcast. In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Eniello, Paul W. Downs, and Jan Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy winning comedy series. So check out that podcast,

but watch Hacks streaming exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcast. How are you doing, Teg? Are you well? I'm doing well. I was telling Stephanie yesterday or this morning when we were having coffee, I was saying how I think I'm a full blown homebody now.

Yeah. I used to go out and be at the clubs working on comedy. By the clubs. You mean the clubs? Yeah, the club. The club. I was always out dancing and shutting down every club in town, the comedy clubs.

I was always at them seven nights a week. If there was a party, I would go. If there was like a movie premiere or whatever, I would just be like, yeah, I'm game. And now it's like- I'm gay and I'm game. I am game. It just really kind of depends on how I'm feeling

if I'm gonna really commit to that. It takes a lot to get you out. It really does because I just, I love being home. I love being with Stephanie and our kids and our three ridiculous cats that follow us all around the house. Cats don't normally do that. And I think I've talked about it on here

and I'm not gonna stop talking about it. But three cats, okay. That's pretty ridiculous. It is so dumb. They sleep in our room with us when we go into Max and Finn's rooms for bedtime to read them stories and the cats come in there. All three of them hang out.

That's fun. When it's time to eat. It's so fun. Yeah, and you've got a party there already. That's like. Yes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's fun. And so, I don't know. I mean, I certainly will go out and work on new material or sometimes I'll go to a party or an event,

but I don't know. And it's getting harder for me to even like travel, go out of town, get on a flight because I'm like, I just wanna be home and enjoy this ridiculously cute situation at our house. I kind of relate because there's this game that we started playing me and the woman I'm involved with and her daughter where I've never been a huge Taylor Swift fan,

but they both love Taylor Swift. Shame, shame, shame on you. I know. I'm a Swiftie. I'm becoming one. I really get it now. So the game is we put on that song, Mean by Taylor Swift, which is like, why you gotta be so mean? And then this

adorable five-year-old embodies Taylor Swift. So she stands up on like a stage and she's doing a concert and then me and Parv in the audience. And then basically at some point during the song, she picks one of us to come on stage with her and we are screaming. We're like, oh my God, she's touching me. Oh my God, Taylor, Taylor. And she kind of is like lip syncing, but she doesn't really know the words. So she's kind of being like, and then, and then usually I'm like, if she picks parv, I'm like, that's my wife up there. I play this character who's this old guy. And then if I get picked, I go, the guys at the station are not going to believe this. I have this whole backstory where I'm a firefighter

and then we take selfies with Taylor, but I'm not kidding. We will do this five times in a row with the whole song through every time and it's slight variations and it is so fun. That's cute. Would you go to a big Hollywood bash? No, why would I? Or would you stay home?

Yeah, it's like you you're going to choose the cutest little person doing the cutest little thing. Yeah. And no, I'm not going anywhere. But whose party is it? If I'm at a Hollywood bash and Brad Pitt is going to lip sync Taylor Swift with me and play this exact game, I'm in. Sorry, kid. Yeah. But I want this game to be happening because it is endlessly funny. Yeah. Yeah. I like being at home too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got this adorable little puff ball and you got, it's fun at home. Biggie's the greatest thing ever. And just being on the couch with Biggie and Jax and we're watching TV, the fireplace is going, we got a little vino. He's going between us for snuggles.

We have a pretty big couch. Why would you leave? We have a big couch, we're on pretty opposite ends of the couch and he goes back and forth for the love. It's hard to leave, you know? Even when I go on the road. It makes no sense. When I go on the road. It makes no sense.

When I go on the road, I'm like, ugh, I can't believe I'm gonna miss snuggle time. Like in the mornings, he's between us getting snuggles. I like the idea that on the couch, you and Jax are sitting at opposite ends. This couch we bought is so ridiculous, it's so big. And we both like to have like be on the edge. So you have like your heads up to watch.

So we're like so far apart. Hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Yeah, we have our little fireplace going. We're not burning wood or anything, but we're sitting there. Nor us. In the mornings and evenings.

I mean, it's pretty snuggly in the house. I feel that in general, people aren't staying out late as much since the pandemic. Have you noticed that? I don't know, cause I'm home. That's true. I have my shows at seven o'clock. I know, but even comedy shows, people don't really want to go to a 10 PM show anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you're right. I think for me, that's LA as well. London was super. And New York, a show will start at midnight or something, crazy. And LA, I think people, everything's far apart. People want to be home. But even last time I was in New York, things were closing at like 11 p.m. We were trying to find a restaurant and like everything was closing. And I was like, this is New York

where things used to stay open till like three in the morning. I used to think nothing about adding a second show or when I was doing comedy clubs and they do sometimes three shows on a weekend night, no problem. Now I'm like, oh my God, if my agent's like, do you want to have another show? I'm like, I don't know if I can.

I don't know, I truly don't know if I can do such a thing. All I can see is- Can we bring his chair out there? Yeah, or like a fireside snuggle with my entire family. I don't know if it's my age or what, but I guess it's better than having what I have at home and wanting to leave all the time. True.

You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. May used to be quite the social butterfly. Has that tamed since being a five-year-old more? Maybe naturally a little bit, but also just it's like time scarcity. It's not that like, yeah, I think I go in waves and phases and like with work stuff,

but I think in the summer I'm a lot more out there. You know that movie 28 Days Later or any of those post-apocalyptic movies where it's like an empty city and you can just kind of roam around and stores are just open? I think I'd like that. You would like that until zombies coming after you.

Don't you even start. Zombies. Zombies, I hate them. I can get anything I want at this grocery store, there's no one here to check me out. And then I hear, And then. Grrrrr.

No, I regularly have nightmares about Zombs. I really am not a fan. Regularly. Oh, yeah, honestly, like weekly. How would you have dealt being in a zombie movie? Oh yeah. I would have been terrified. Even if I, I did an escape room once

where there was a zombie chained up in the room with us. And every 15 minutes, the chain would get longer so he could reach us better. And I was losing my mind. You must have been terrified. I must have been terrified, May. Terrified. Even though I knew it was just the same guy

who like signed us in at the beginning at the front desk in like bad makeup. He's like, don't forget to swipe your credit card at the end of this. That's good fortune, wow. Have you ever played a zombie? What is it called, Zell or Zellie or Zell? Zell.

Zell. Don't laugh at me. I'm home snuggling with my family. I'm not paying strangers on some weird app. Should we check in to see what our question is while you laugh at me? We should. Our questioner today is a fashion designer,

a TV host best known as the fashion guru of the hit Netflix series, Queer Eye. He's also the cohost of a competition show, Next in Fashion. He's unbelievably handsome and charming. His memoir is titled Naturally Tan, which is a great title. Tan France is asking today's question.

Fortune, do you know him? I do know Tan. He's so nice. I do. Two against one. How do you guys know him? I met Tan for the first time backstage at SNL. A long time ago.

He was there with Pete Davidson. Are they buddies? Tan's friends. They dated. Everyone did not. Uh, they're with Pete Davidson. Um, are they buddies? Tans friends with everyone. Um, and Tans just so social and nice. And so nice. It's like, hello. I can't do Tans voice, but you know, can I try? Yeah.

Cause it's, it's a really specific British accent. It's like, do you know what? Wait, Fortune, do you know what? wait, fortune, do you know what? You could actually really rock a straight leg pant. And I really think that if you experimented a bit more, you could even be wearing a V-neck by Tuesday. By Tuesday. Is that Tan?

Tan, hello, is that you? It's me. And then Tan lives in Salt Lake City. And so we've tried a couple of times when I've been out there for shows to get together. But it was like right around. The first time was like right around when their kid was being born. So it was like bad timing. And then this last time he was out of town.

So but I'll see him at like Netflix events and stuff. He's just so cool and obviously very fashionable. He's always like rocking some cool situation. I got a big crush on him, I think. I love his hair, his smooth vibe. Yeah. Well, in our video, if you watch the YouTube version of this, you'll see him, he's wearing a hat

because he's filming something. And didn't want to give away what they were doing. So it's pretty cool. Well, let's hear it. Hello, handsome. Tam France here. First off, huge congrats on the success of your podcast. So I'm so happy for you. And now I have a question for you. Is there one moment that you look back on and think, I really wish I'd taken that opportunity? Maybe if it's not even a work thing, maybe it's a partner that you let go

that you wish you had kept or something that you'd say would have long ago or got rid of sooner, I would love to know. What if we were all like, yeah. We wish we had. We had one gal that got away. That got away. Oh my God. I'm so glad someone finally asked this.

Stephanie, plug your ears. It was that. Some people just know the best rate for you is a rate based on you with Allstate. When I'm driving, I keep things handsome and smooth. No sudden stops or starts, my eyes on the road at all times. The more safely you drive, the less you'll pay. Who doesn't want to pay a rate based on your own safe driving? You're in good hands with Allstate.

Not available in Alaska or California. Subject to terms and conditions conditions, rates vary by state. In some states, participation in DriveWise allows Allstate to use your driving data for rating and your rate could increase with high-risk driving. Dear cat parents, cat people of all stripes, we know you're obsessed with your cat. Admit it, if we looked at your camera roll, it would be like 90% just pictures of your feline buddy. You give them the best, but if you're honest, you struggle to keep their litter box clean. Have you heard of a litter robot?

Litter robot is the solution to all your litter box problems. Litter robot self-cleaning technology automatically cleans after every use so your cats will always have a fresh bed of litter to do their business and your friends won't think your house smells like a litter box. My cats, or as I call them, kitty city, and I, we were sent a litter robot to try out and we've been loving it. Our cats are happier with a cleaner litter and so am I. As a special offer to listeners of the show, go to stop scooping dot com slash handsome

and enter promo code handsome to save an extra fifty dollars on any litter robot bundle. That's an extra fifty dollars off any litter robot bundle at stop scooping dot com slash handsome and enter promo code handsome at the checkout. Stop scooping.com slash handsome and enter promo code handsome. I haven't really thought about a missed opportunity or... I like that like a sliding doors kind of... Well, I saw a quote on Instagram, some inspirational meme that was like, whatever decision you make, just make a decision. No matter, that's the most important thing.

And then, yeah, I feel like there's- Not being flippy floppy. Yeah, so there's no- Which is funny because you're kind of struggling through your sentence. I really am flippy flopping all over this quote. You need to make a decision about what this quote is. I know, I might have to Google it.

But take your time, work it through. What is it? It was just like, the grass is always greener, kind of so like, whatever decision you make is the right one and then it will, yeah. Stay the course. Yeah. When I was like 14 and I was doing sketch comedy with my two best friends and some production

company like wanted us to pitch a TV show and they had interest from like a Canadian network. We got as far as like a contract and it would be a teen sketch comedy show with the three of us. This is like our dream come true. And our parents said no, our collective parents, having lifted the contract, I think they were like, this seems bad and you're in school. And so for years I was like, God, I wish I'd done that. But now looking back, I'm like, thank fuck. Like I already was such a chaotic, if I'd had TV money or something, or my little ego would have been, oh my God. I think my brain would have exploded.

I would have just been so supercharged with like weird, ah, I don't know, yeah. But that for years I was like, God, if only we'd done that. Right. I certainly look at things of like, oh, that thing didn't happen and what would have happened had it happened. But I tend to live in the space of like that,

of like, thank goodness that didn't happen. It might've been cool in certain ways, but my life wouldn't be this had that happened. And I like where I'm at. So had something made the course veer off from that, I don't know if that would have been a good thing, so I tend to not think of those things as missed opportunities as much as like

that wasn't meant to be. Yeah. Yeah, I feel similarly. Sometimes I get very caught up in the thought of, kind of in a reverse way of so appreciative of how things are that I have slight panic attacks when I think about, oh my gosh, what if I hadn't taken that job?

I wouldn't have met this person. Yeah, if one little thing was different, yeah. One little thing. And I even, gosh, one of my closest, dearest pals from my childhood, Beth, is just a constant, has been a constant in my life. We're so close, been totes BFF since childhood. We moved out here together. We moved actually all around wherever she was going to school or college or getting her

master's. Like you trail around. Yeah. Yeah. But I have those moments where I freak out thinking, what if I didn't meet Beth? Because the reason I met Beth is because I failed and we ended up in class together. And so it's like, I could be thinking, oh, I wish I had done well in school, but God, thank God I didn't because I met Beth. And I think the because I met Beth. And I think the reason I was failing in school was because I had a lot going on at home

and there was some hard stuff. And it all just feeds into each other. This is great, I wouldn't change my life. And I think about also when the actress Lake Bell had written and was going to direct her own movie and star in it and she had it basically cast. And she called me and said, hey, do you want to come for the table read and give notes? And I was yeah sure and I went and just that thing of like I just showed up and so you know I wasn't promised there's no discussion of me being in her movie it was just like hey buddy you want to come we're

gonna read through the thing and do you want to give notes yeah sure I go I do that and then she said hey if I change this role to a woman would you want to do the role? And I was like, sure. Good to remember about flaking too. Like you never know what you're gonna miss. Yeah. Totally. And that was where I met Stephanie.

And it's so crazy, cause you know, before movies, they'll have those cast dinners where everyone meets and hangs out before you film. And Stephanie and I were seated right next to each other at the cast table and we turned and said hello and then she turned and talked to the producer on her right and I turned to the left and talked to Michaela Watkins the rest of the night. We didn't ever talk again and that was my wife. So I have those kind of moments, even like Thomas coming into my life and, you know,

but truly it's like Stephanie one day was like, hey, I just did this project. There's this guy, he feels like he's really, he seems really smart. He's very capable and he just feels like your speed. And I was like, okay, I'll meet with him because I was in the, I was looking for a new assistant and he came over and we're almost 10 years working together

and not to get all mushy, but I'm so thankful for Thomas. I'm so thankful for so many parts of my life. And I just, yeah. And as well as this podcast and what we're doing. It's like I took a risk of shutting down my other podcasts and throwing everything into Handsome and it's paid off. And so that's what I have to say. I don't wanna be presumptuous,

but I have a regret of a missed opportunity, but it's for your life, Tig, because it's a story that you told of when you were at a restaurant and then you were invited to hang out with Paul McCartney or something. And you were like, oh, we got to get up early in the morning and you didn't go. This I wake up in the night like haunted by this, because I'm like, that sounds like to you could have been friends. You could have been friends with him

and then I could have maybe met him. You could have, oh my God. I know, it's a weird, I guess that's that age thing of I was at a PETA event and somebody from, and Paul McCartney was performing there which was already a magical night where you're watching Paul McCartney. So cool. Yeah, pretty intimate venue as well and uh and somebody from his crew came up and was like hey saw me or knew I was in the audience and was like, hey, there's an after party if you would like to join us.

And I was like, whoa, but my flight was leaving at like 5.30 in the morning. And I just, I was like, I think I'm gonna pass just because I knew I was gonna be in a living hell. I can't sleep very well on flights and I had a show that night the following day. If you ever encounter him again, you can maybe be like, I'm sorry I missed that opportunity

and please can we make up for it? I did eat dinner next to him at this vegetarian Indian restaurant one night. And then- Different table though? Different table. He was seated right next to me and then another time when I was at Air One grocery store I was in line with Ringo Starr. So what oh my god. He's Paul McCartney is on my real, I think he's my number one. He's on my to-do list. I gotta go Paul.

Put that on the list for me to meet Paul McCartney. Or anything with Paul McCartney. I had a, when I was filming my first half hour special, like a Netflix thing and filming it at Just For Laughs. And there was a moment before I went on stage where someone said, do you wanna maybe untuck your t-shirt? And this is connected to Tan France

because I had just been watching that season of Queer Eye, the first one with those guys. And I said, no, I'm doing a French tuck. And I regret it so much because it was not a French tuck. What I had done was so bizarre. And if I had just listened to that person, because it was like people were commenting on it online and going, what a weird choice. And then I kept saying in the comments, like, hey, at Tan

France, I was tagging Tan France. What do you think? How did the French tuck turn out? And he never responded or engaged. and I was just desperate for approval. Better not to say anything. And when you say a French tuck, is that what you said? Should I show it? Okay, so that's like, okay, so this is- YouTube viewers are getting something special right now. I'm standing up, so this is untucked, right?

A French tuck. We're looking at May's crotch. Oh my gosh, May, yeah, it's a zoom in on May's crotch. May's crotch. If I understand correctly, Mr. France, then this is a French, or as he would say, tuck, a French tuck. Oh, where it's not all the way around.

It's just a slight tuck, like one. Yeah, like a kid, basically. Like my kids are French tucking. They French tuck in the back or the side. Oh my gosh, when they're playing basketball, their French tuck is so ridiculous. Hey, Ted, what do you think of my French tuck? Oh my God, how pathetic that I was trying

to get some traction online supporting it. Did he create the French tuck? Nobody really brought it into the zeitgeist by advising a lot of misguided straight men to just experiment with the French tuck. And misguided they thems. Yes, I do think I need some guidance in that arena. Or at that point, I was overplucking my eyebrows like crazy.

I had just dyed my own hair in the hotel room that day on the day of recording, like from a box and it was kind of an orangey flavor and then the French tuck. And I did have the moment where I could have adjusted and the skinniest jeans. And are skinny jeans not cool? Apparently not. And I miss them. I think I'm wearing skinny. I think I still wear skinny jeans not cool now? Apparently not, and I miss them. I think I'm wearing skinny, I think I still wear skinny jeans.

How skinny are we talking though, like sprayed on? Are you wearing them now? I am. Can we see? Yeah, give us something Tig. Let's see that crotch. I don't know. The YouTube viewers are really getting something special.

I can't. We can't see your jeans. They look skinny, but I think any jean on you is skinny, right? I can't do it. It's a nice denim shirt though. Well, thank you. You're wearing the Canadian tuxedo.

I thought you were about to show us your poncys. No, no, no. I could go get some out of my drawer and show them to you, but we'll do that another time. I wonder if Biggie has any missed opportunities that he regrets. Yeah, for those of you that- No chance Biggie has missed a single opportunity in life.

Biggie just appeared. He jumped, Jack's opened the door and he ran in and jumped in my lap. So for you two folks, this is my man Biggie right here, my boy. Oh my God. He is such a vicious little animal. I would say my missed opportunity was not by choice.

But I think about things I could have done that could have helped with that, but again, it would have changed the course of my life. And it was when I auditioned for SNL, speaking of that earlier, I tested twice for that show. They flew me out two summers in a row. How would you not get that? Yeah, that is a menu.

How would you not get that? I don't know. Anyway. I have to think it just wasn't meant to be. You know what I mean? That's I just, I have to think it just wasn't meant to be. You know what I mean? That's the only way I can kind of, Biggie's bored by this story. Biggie's heard this a million times, I'm sure.

Biggie yawned from Biggie. It was my dream for sure. And it was like, that had been my North Star. Like it was the thing I grew up watching and loved and was obsessed with. And I followed it more than I followed stand up. I didn't really follow stand up. I sketch was like my thing.

I studied at the groundlings and I got an opportunity to submit a tape and randomly a friend from home, my tiny town of Belmont, she was like, I'm friends with someone, a producer. And she said, if you send a tape, she'll watch it. And I was very early on in groundlings. So I hadn't even gotten to the stage of performance yet. So I was pretty green. Yeah.

And I think I might've been like two years too early for what I, you know, still wise. You weren't even doing standup at that point? I was doing standup, but only four years in. Okay. Can you lower the mic? I can't see Biggie fully. There he is.

Did you have to go in with characters? Sorry. Yeah, you had to do a five minute thing, a five minute bit of multiple characters. And she was like, my friend will watch it. And I was like, yeah, like I'm in LA. You're telling me that, you know, someone from a tiny town of 10,000 people

is gonna be the person that gets the scene. And sure enough, I sent it in and a couple months went by. I didn't think anything about it. I got a phone call like three in the afternoon from that, my friend's friend who worked at SNL. She's like, we watched your tape. I've been wanting to call you for a while. I just now got the green light.

Can you get on the plane tonight? And I auditioned in the morning. So you're like, this is happening. I was like, fuck. I had just gotten my first manager. I was only two weeks in with this person. Didn't have an agent. That's how green all of this was.

Yeah. Yeah. And I auditioned. You're like, well, let me get my wigs. I know, right? I like wrote my audition on the plane and that one was out of my hands because it was so like spontaneous last minute. And I actually think I did the best audition then.

I didn't have time to get fearful. I didn't have time to get fearful. I didn't have time to get in my head or second guess anything. And it's very common at SNL to have to audition two or three times. So I didn't get it then. And I understood, I was like pretty green. And I came back the next summer,

but the next summer I think I didn't put into it what I should've. I was like dating somebody and kind of like not taking, I wasn't focused, like I ultimately ended up being focused and that audition was okay, but not, it didn't have the life thing that the first one had. And then I didn't get it. But SNL is like so grueling, you know?

Like I wonder if you would have had a good experience. You wouldn't have had time. You wouldn't have met Jax. You wouldn't have had time with Biggie. You wouldn't have Handsome. You wouldn't have Thomas. That's why I don't look at it as a missed opportunity. I sometimes think like, had I wanted that path,

there were things I could have done to have made it more of a chance and I didn't for whatever reason. And then I ended up getting Chelsea lately and didn't even submit or anything the next year, so I have no idea if they would have brought me back. But I just have to look at it as it wasn't meant to be. I just got a vision.

What? Handsome host SNL. Yeah, look at it as it wasn't meant to be. I just got a vision. What? Handsome host SNL. Yeah, look at that. Put it on the list, Thomas. Handsome host SNL. Make it happen, Thomas. Fortune, call your friend from your podunk town. Shout out to that friend, though.

I mean, that was a cool thing she did. Emily, shout out Emily. I'm imagining Tig's SNL audition. If you did one and you have to do a medley of characters and they're all similar. They're all like, well, I'm Brian, I guess. And I'm Sandra. Yeah, I don't know if I would have thrived there.

I think I was. That was a time where, you know, it still wasn't like in the business. It wasn't thought being different was a good thing. That was a time in the business where it was like, what do we do with you? And I think I might have come up against that a bit there. With casting and stuff, though, like I'm casting this series right now and getting to watch like dozens of tapes and it is really, some of these auditions are amazing

but it's just like you can't even put your finger on why it's not right for the part and it's like nothing to do with how good the tape is. It's just like what's in your head and so yeah, with casting I'm usually able to, even if I'm disappointed I'm like, it's so subjective and it's usually nothing to do with your ability, you know? It's probably, yeah.

I guess personal wise, if there was anything I would have maybe, I don't even know if I would change, but I didn't allow myself to have a lot of fun at times in like my 20s and early 30s, because I was then so focused on work and so focused on. But again, like would I change that? Would I still be in the position that I'm at? But there are times where I'm like, you could have stayed out like your thing too. Like you could have stayed out a little later that night or you could have party with Paul. Yeah, you could have hung out

with so and so or you could have gone on just kind of like allowing myself to have a little bit more of a life. Yeah. Yeah, I'm way in that mode right now. I just wanna be in my life. Yeah. Well, should we see what Tan has to say? Let's hear what Tan has to say, yeah. I really wish that I had had kids earlier.

I have two children and I had my first moment. I was 38 and I really wish I had taken the opportunity we had, my partner and I had, seven or eight years ago to have children because quite frankly, I'm knackered. I'm so bloody tired and I definitely was too old for it. My body was just too old for it. My body was just too old for it. An achy back, creaky knees. So yeah, I really wish I'd done it in my early thirties. But I'm still so grateful, truly. Do you think that's ever a tig? Oh my god. Well, I mean, yes and no. I feel like in my 20s and 30s, I had a great time. I had a blast.

I mean, I worked really hard, but I for sure was going out, doing stuff, and dating, and traveling, and all that. But I really wanted to wait until I was 40 to have kids. And then I, of course, couldn't foresee that I was 40 to have kids. And then I of course couldn't foresee that I was gonna get so sick when I hit that age. So it delayed my having children a little more. But I feel like I'm more stable and secure and grounded

and I'm better off as a parent right now. I would not have been a good parent before 40 or before I got sick or before I was with Stephanie. So it again landed at the right time, but I do have moments where I'm like Stephanie and I have those days where we have conversations of like what if we just had five kids and of course, we if we just had five kids? And of course we're not gonna have more kids. But yeah, I'm tired.

I got crickety knees and back and all of those things. But it's, man, I feel lucky. I always think about our parents' generation and I think my parents were like 24 or something when they had my brother. And like, your children, like that is crazy. And there's so there's bonuses because you have so much energy, but then also you don't know who you are.

You have no idea what is going on when you're 24. Like, then you're like child kind of not child free, but then they're out of the house and you're like, oh, cut loose now. And you're only like, I don't know. Yeah. And you're mid forties or something. Yeah. I know. When I cut loose now, I'm like loose now and you're only like, I don't know. You're mid 40s or something. Yeah, I know. When I cut loose now, I'm like, ow.

Ow. I do think if we, at this age, I'm so tired. I'm like, can you imagine if we also were trying to care for children while pulling ourselves together? But you do access wells of energy that you didn't know you had just cause you have to, I guess. My friends all say that you're just like, I guess, well, I have to get up.

So you do, but yeah. I know I wrote to him, I said, I hope that you're getting some rest. Likely not. Their kids are in the like really little, little, little stage. I imagine that's pretty exhausting. Yeah.

Yeah, Max and Finn are completely, I mean, not completely self-sufficient, but I mean, they can like get their cereal out and get that going. They can make themselves an espresso. Yeah, I mean. But they could even take a bath if they had to. I always think about that where I'm like,

if something happens to us and we, for some reason Stephanie and I were not alive and they were stuck in the house, how, what could they, could they, and they can, they can feed themselves. It might not be a healthy, sustainable diet, but they can reach the food and they can make simple things. They would finally get that second ice cream.

Yes, and a third probably, but they can give themselves baths and use the bathroom. I know, I picture Max and Finn reading, because they read book books. Like before when, I don't know which episode it was, but when we were talking about The Princess Bride and being like, have you seen that movie? And you were like, I don't know if the kids have seen that. I'm like, oh, I guess, yeah, they could just go and put a movie on and watch it. Yeah.

I mean, once they were four, maybe three, four, they started getting up by themselves, they go play. See, that's nice. That's so cool. Yeah, we got the two looking after each other. That's super nice, yeah. And bopping each other in the head from time to time. But it was so cute, I have to say, this morning, we had to take Max, we dropped Finn at school,

and then we took Max to his eye exam. Like he had to go have his eyes looked at. And because they're bothering him when he's reading. And so we go to the exam and he asked if he could stop to get a donut. There's this vegan donut shop near our house. And so we go there and then he just said, we should probably get one for Finn too. And it's just like so cute. It's so cute. They always get something for the other one

when they're out by themselves and it just destroys us. I used to, when I was like five, I remember, or maybe even younger, waking up with my older brother and not waking up my parents, and we would go to the fridge and get a Kraft cheese slice, you know, like a single, where it's in the little. The plastic. Yes, and we would watch Pee-wee's Playhouse.

It's in plastic and it's made of plastic. Yes, it's pure plastic. It's pure, you don't even have to take the plastic off, you can just eat it with the plastic covering. Yeah, and we would watch Pee Wee's Playhouse always, and that was a very nice ritual. I love Pee Wee's Playhouse, that was very formative, my sense of humor.

Did you guys watch that? Yeah. I didn't, but I saw the movie, I saw the Pee Wee. I know Miss Yvonne. Oh, Miss Yvonne was beautiful. Oh, you do? In real life, you know the most beautiful woman in puppet land, Miss Yvonne. Oh, Miss Yvonne was beautiful. Oh, you do? Mm-hmm. In real life, you know, the most beautiful woman in puppet land, Miss Yvonne.

Absolutely, she's awesome. Holy. Another Groundlings gal. No way. Mm-hmm. Was he Groundlings, Paul Rubens? Oh yeah, that's where he created the character. That's amazing.

But it was a more, it was like a darker character, like more adults. Mm-hmm. And then they made the kids. There is a lot of, yeah, like innuendo, even if you watch it now, you're like, I missed that as a kid, but yeah. Somebody said bopping on the head.

It made me think of that old song, little bunny foo foo, I don't wanna see you, hopping through the forest or something, picking up the field mice and bopping them on the head. You remember, May, have you heard that? Do you wanna, do you wanna, you don't know that song? You don't know it? Two against one.

Two against one. I was hoping that this would be another. I don't wanna see you. Wait. Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head. Okay, I got questions. Cause I thought that was gonna be like a Joe the Button Man

thing where me and Tig were like, Fortune, what are you talking about? No, me, Fortune, and Biggie, no. I don't know, I'm not getting the words right, but it's in that vein. Little bunny foo foo hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head. There it is. Why is the rabbit doing that to the mice?

Why do I say I don't wanna see you? Maybe that is some, I don't know. Let's make this go viral too. By the way, I'm still getting sent Joe and the Button Factory songs. Almost daily people are commenting. There's another video of a group in a park and the guy's singing it and it's all adults

and people are sending that one to me now. Oh, lucky you. So why is this bunny foofing up these mice, bopping them on the head? I don't think that's normal bunny behavior. They're scooping them up. They're ruining the grass. Yeah, yeah.

The mice are, so then the rabbit is... Feel nice, they're doing something, so you gotta bop them up. Digging them up and knocking them out. Not very vegan, not very vegan. The mice are okay though. I saw a wild bunny in our garden the other day. How wild?

Hopping around. How wild did you say? Yeah, yeah, how wild. Oh, it was raven. It was, it had a glow stick and it was just, no, like a yeah, beautiful brown rabbit. Fortune wants attention. You wanna look at her screen? Oh, sorry, Fortune. beautiful brown rabbit. Fortune wants attention. You wanna look at her screen?

Oh, sorry, Fortune. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty cute. That's really cute, Fortune. Thank you. Biggie and Fortune. That's just a little something extra for anyone who's gone to YouTube to watch, after you listen to the audio,

gone to YouTube to see my son, Biggie. To watch this, yeah. Yes. I too am a young mother. Biggie's exhausting, but you know, it's worth it. Biggie is so ridiculously cute, it's painful. He'll just fall asleep in your arms. Do you know what has become a problem for me is,

you know how Instagram is like, throws things in your feed? Yeah. Well, I liked a video of a dog in a wheelchair. Uh-oh. And that is my sweet spot. If you throw a little pup in a wheelchair, oh my God.

The cute, just like the front legs pulling and the two legs in the back, I'm like, and now it only sends me that. And I don't know if that makes me a terrible person that I love seeing animals in wheelchairs. There's no part of me going, oh, now all I get are dogs in wheelchairs. I'm like, yes, we have hit the sweet spot here. Instagram just sends me videos of Paul Mezcal in interviews and working out and looking

hot. I guess I don't know why, I don't remember liking any posts, but that Instagram is just always sending me Paul Mezcal. He is cute. Well, thanks so much, Tan, for the question. Yes, thank you. Listen, you don't wanna miss an opportunity in your life to see TIG or Fortune or I performing.

TIG, you got any shows coming up? Yes, I'm gonna be May 26th. I will be at Largo in Los Angeles, working out new material, which go to tignotaro.com and you can find all of my show and ticket information there. And please check out my new special

called Hello Again on Amazon. What about you two, what's going on? I have got, if you just check out my Instagram or maymartin.net, I'm doing shows around LA and sometimes Toronto. And yeah, that's it. Check out SAP, my special on Netflix. Fortune, what about you? I'm going to be doing some fun casinos this summer. And you can catch those at my website fortunefemester.com okay I'm gonna go there now all right until then keep it handsome handsome is hosted by me Tigno Taro Mae Martin and fortune Femester the show is

produced recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod.