Handsome - Tobin Heath & Christen Press ask about sports

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

Christen and Tobin reveal that one of them is *not* a fan of... well, you just have to listen and find out. Plus Fortune was butch last night, Mae's making pancakes, and Tig-Marie is being slightly inappropriate, as always!Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here.Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check that the forecast calls for rain before planning that moody rainy day walk, the one where you catch your own reflection in a puddle and notice how beautiful you truly are. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. When it comes to groceries, shopping, and meal planning, I've got this problem. I want to eat healthier, but I feel like my ready to go options as well as takeout and fast food leave me feeling worse after eating, not better. That all changed thanks to Hungry Root. It's the easiest way to eat healthy.

With Hungry Root, you can specifically tell the site what you're looking for and they'll help you find it. it's like having your own personal shopper and nutritionist all wrapped into one. i just cooked up their organic lemongrass tofu nuggets and they were a hit with my sons and i enjoyed them too. you're going to love hungry root as much as we do. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slash handsome and use code handsome.

That's hungryroot.com slash handsome. Code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. HungryRoot.com slash handsome. Code handsome. Are you struggling with the state of the world? Me too. That's why Folk's Health is so important.

They offer therapy, mental health care, Me too. That's why Folk's Health is so important. They offer therapy, mental health care, gender-affirming care, and more. All from the convenience of your home. Health care that was built for our community by our community. And booking online is easy. They have dedicated LGBTQ plus expert clinicians and therapists nationwide and the wait time for an appointment is typically less than two days. Plus, they accept insurance so your appointment can be as low as $15.

Easy online booking, short wait times, transparent costs, and a firm and care built for our community. The first hundred people to sign up with the code HANSOME get one month free membership to Folk's Health. Go to folxhealth.com to sign up. Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Cheers. Hi, it's me, your friend, Tignotaro.

I'm sitting here with my co-host. I'm your friend and confno Taro. I'm sitting here with my co-host. I'm your friend and confidant, Mae Martin. And I'm Fortune Feimster. Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. Cut it down. It's just so smooth every time. We are very happy to be here and we are very happy to have you

right here at Handsome Headquarters. There's been a few changes here. There's no dilly dallying, no silliness. We're just getting straight to the important business. No jokes, it's all politics and heavy talk here on Handsome. Did you get that memo, Fortune? I didn't get that. No. I better watch the news. Ugh.

Oh no. So yucky. Are facts allowed or? Facts are not allowed. Oh yeah. No, what am I gonna say? Not in this climate. Yeah.

Ugh, good times. What if we did just become all politics? Oh my God. What if we became a politics podcast, but none of us did any research or anything. It was just what we know now. Nobody does anymore. Well, everyone does their own research. Right?

Right? Yeah. I was thinking about buying a set of Encyclopedia Britannica for my house and then I thought I'm just like That feels like I'm just giving up on the world I'm just retreating into this 90s bubble of like things were better than like I Can't be surrounded by encyclopedias that are outdated a 90s bubble. Well, that's what my beginning encyclopedias I don't feel like encyclopedias represent the 90s. I guess that's my association is like lying in my parents basement reading these. Yeah,

yeah, you're right. You're right. They probably were around a lot longer. Oh, they've been around for so much longer. In fact, the 90s, that was the tail end of anyone caring about encyclopedias. My friend used to go door to door selling encyclopedias. Well, can you hit up your friend and give them my address? Well, I think he works for AI now. Oh, no. He's like, no.

That's a Google ad. No. I'm kidding. Yeah. I think I think about Kurt Cobain when I think about the nineties. I don't think about encyclopedias. Or Kurt Loder.

Kurt Loder. Who's Kurt Loder? MTV. From MTV. But he was also the eighties. He was all of it. He was who I got my news from. Yeah.

Okay. Who do you, okay, rapid fire, who do you associate with the eighties aside from Kurt Loder? Oh, Cindy Lauper, George Michael. Nice. 70s. James Taylor village people. 60s. Uh, Janice Joplin. Um, I should have said the Beatles. Who the people that dance on the beach. Hey big surfer.

What are you doing? I'm having a beach party without you. I want to hold your hand. Wait, I've never heard that beach thing. I mean, that's not a real song, but there was an era in that time where there was like Frankie Valley and they had like beach parties. Whenever, not whenever Stephanie and I aren't sitting around talking about the sixties all the time, but to Stephanie, the sixties, that's like.

Very far away. Well, no, I can't remember how, like the, the kind of look of a housewife in the sixties and I guess, uh, well, Mad Men was in the 50s, but it turned into the 60s, is that right? On the show? Usually how it works. Yeah, well, how dare you? I hadn't seen the show,

so I don't know if the show went into the 60s, but I feel like that was the reference point that she had for the 60s. She talked about that world of the 60s. Whereas to me, the 60s is like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. Revolution. Yeah, because she was like, oh, you know, the 60s. And she described fashion.

And I was like, wow, I picture bell bottoms. And she was like, bell bottoms were the 70s. And I was like, no, they were the sixties too. Well, yeah, it's kind of end of sixties, early seventies. Yeah. And right now Kendrick Lamar or the Super Bowl. Oh yeah, I saw that Kendrick Lamar. Do you know who is obsessed with Kendrick Lamar?

Your boys. Finn. Really? Oh my God. That's so cute. He was putting his playlist together. For what? Last night and this morning to get him ready for his basketball game. He's like, they're not like us. They're not like us. I mean, and also what is your,

what is your opinion on this? I'm very curious, Thomas included, and not to single you out right now like I don't care about your opinion other times Thomas, but because you've known Max and Finn since the day they were born, I'm going to include you in this. But how would any of you feel with your kid listening to music that had really vulgar and inappropriate language in their eight. I don't think I would love it right now. Yeah. I think I'd be okay with it if I talked to them about it

and said, you know, sometimes it's cathartic to say these words and like, it's art, you know, and you can't just say them all the time unless you really mean it. That's what my mom always said. Okay, Mr. Thomas. Yeah, my parents let me read whatever books and listen to whatever music I wanted.

And they would have commentary about it. But I think it was helpful to feel like I could explore whatever I needed to or was curious about. But it is tricky. I mean, I probably was listening to milder music than Kendrick Lamar. They might have had stronger opinions. Yeah. I mean, he's awesome. But there are many explicit words. Well, yeah, when I was like saying to Finn about like, the language, he was like, he won a Pulitzer Prize.

Oh, that is true. He won a Pulitzer Prize. Oh my God. That is true. True. Yeah. I didn't know that. He was like, yeah, he's really great. He wins awards.

And I was like, totally get that. But I mean, there's really vulgar stuff. And I guess our feeling is, I mean, he loves him so much. He can rap all of his songs like at the same speed that Kendrick does. Take that away from him. Yeah. Well, exactly. And also we have talked to him about certain words that are in that.

Like the N word is in there. He can't be running around. Well, no. And Stephanie was like, she talked to him, them, both of them, when I was out of town saying, this is not just a bad word. This is hate speech. Right. And explained how and why just went into the whole thing. The whole thing. Yeah.

Of racism and. Well, I feel like with Kendrick, like, like as long as the like the messaging is good, like it's, you know, in the early 2000s, you wouldn't have wanted your kids singing some of that stuff that was like so misogynistic and violent. Oh, for sure. But you know, as long as the message is good. But anyway, it's interesting. Why am I telling you about Kendrick Lamar?

I don't know. I don't know how we got onto this. I think I brought it up. Bell bottoms. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Yes. That was like a dream day. The Super Bowl with Kendrick Lamar at halftime. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Does Finn want Bell Bottoms now? I'm waiting to see. Oh, I love that. He wears his drip. Do you know what drip is? A chain? Yeah. Finn wears his gold chains. and wears his gold chains. And it's called drip, you know? And so, yeah, he wanted gold chains and so now he has some gold chains, he's got some drip.

I hope Bell Bottoms come back. Like a bit of androgyny would be nice. My dad used to wear platform shoes and eyeliner and stuff. Like, why didn't that come back? Yeah, that's so interesting. I never thought about Bell Bottoms being androgynous, but I guess. Like, didn't that come back? Yeah, that's so interesting. I never thought about bell bottoms being androgynous, but I guess. Like Robert Plant wearing like skin tight bell bottoms,

but I feel like these days people will be like, they're queer baiting. I think I saw somewhere that those, he has the same style as Timothy Chalamet. And those, those had been pulled for Timothy, but Kendra ended up wearing them. I really want that stylist, whoever that is. And fortune, that is such a Hollywood term,

pulled that for him. Pulled that jean, cause it's a $1,300 pair of jeans. It is. But do people, I don't know, maybe people all around called, pulled that, meaning took it out for you. Pulled it off the rack.

Pulled it off the rack and set it out for you. Yeah, they pulled that outfit for me. $1,300, I wish I'd held onto. There's Celine. I don't think your old bell bottoms are worth 1,300, May. Is that what you're thinking? Well, I used to go to sporting life on Yonge Street and I'd get my Adidas Tearaway pants

and my bell bottom skinny jeans. I've never had bell bottoms. Really? Mm-mm. I got to show off my gams. I'm in short shorts. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Do you in short shorts. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're in little booty shorts.

Do you wear short shorts so short that like a little bit of your moon is hanging out at the bottom? Oh, my butt? Yeah. I don't have a butt, so ain't no moon. You don't have a butt? Just flat like a piece of paper? I have, yeah. How do you sit down after a hard day's work? down after our days were… Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

Like you know to check that your deck of playing cards hasn't been tampered with by a magician before playing your weekly game of Texas Hold'em Poker. Nobody wants to deal with a disappearing ace of hearts. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We want to tell you about a podcast that you should check out. It's called Drive with Jim Farley. It's where Ford CEO Jim Farley talks to some of his favorite people about what they drive

and what drives them to succeed. You'll hear people you may already know like Kelly Clarkson, Jay Leno, and Rob Gronkowski, AKA Gronk, but through a lens you've probably never heard before, what they drive. I checked out a few episodes of Drive with Jim Farley and it was the perfect listen while driving around town. You guys know I'm a big old fan of Kelly Clarkson and it was awesome hearing her talk about working

in a movie theater and Jim talks about his cousin Chris Farley. Yep, that Chris Farley. Whether you're into cars or just love a good conversation, I think you're going to enjoy Jim's show. To listen to Drive with Jim Farley, just search for Drive with Jim Farley in your podcast app. That's Drive with Jim Farley. Attention fellow sleepers, Hanson wants to tell you about Helix mattresses, the most incredible sleep surfaces you'll ever experience.

I've had night sweats, I've had back pain, I've had rampant insomnia, but now I'm sleeping through the night with ease thanks to my Helix mattress. If you're listening to this ad, you're most likely awake. But in the not too distant future, you'll be asleep. Why not treat yourself to amazing sleep with a Helix mattress? Here's how it works.

Go to helixsleep.com. You fill out their quick and easy survey and they recommend you a mattress suited to your needs. If you sleep with a partner, you can both fill out the survey. I'm a side sleeper, so I got the Helix Midnight, a medium feel mattress that relieves the pressure points of my shoulders and my hips. No matter your sleep issues or style, Helix has a mattress for you. Right now, Helix is having a March Madness sale with 20% off site-wide. Go to helixsleep.com slash handsome for 20% off site-wide.

That's helixsleep.com slash handsome for 20% off site-wide on their March Madness sale. helixsleep.com slash handsome. I like when you can see someone's butt coming out of their shorts. I wish I hadn't said that. I don't like that. I'm such an old fuddy-duddy. That's not my thing. I've been seeing, especially girls in the airports wearing these shorts with their asses

hanging out and I'm like, in the airport? Are you cold? Grandpa Fortune. Grandpa Fortune. I'm like, in the airport? Are you cold? Grandpa Fortune. I'm a grandpa with that stuff. I'm just like, it's freezing on these planes. And they're gross seats. Why are you letting your asshole get in the car?

Wait, Fortune, no one said, no one. I'm sorry. Why are their eyes holes out? I dozed off for a minute. Their buttholes literally hanging out of their shorts. There's no way it's not getting germs from those seats. What airport are you going to? Go on any plane.

They're disgusting. Rectum is hanging? Like, I don't understand. Like their butts literally hanging out of these shorts. Uh-huh. And I'm sure a part of their butthole exposed as well. Oh my God. Why don't you ask them?

I wanna say, ma'am, do you need some more material on my umgine shorts? What is it called when your rectum kind of falls out? Prolapse. Prolapsed rectum. So are you saying that these young girls have prolapsed rectums? No, I'm just saying they need to let their shorts be a teeny bit longer. Because if it's a medical condition.

I just don't want to see someone's butt hanging out their shorts at the airport. Would you rather see a prolapsed anus? No. What do you want to see? I think Fortune would like to see, like in the old days, like, or even my dad still, like sort of dresses up to take a flight.

Like he'll put on a nice jacket. Oh, I don't need that. I'm still in full sweatpants. Oh, okay. You want, yeah, just big comfy. I just don't need to see your ass hanging out of your shorts. Okay.

Not even mine? Not even yours, Tig. God, I'm glad you guys can only see me from the shoulders up right now because my ass will stay in it. Your prolapse stainless is out. Short, short. Oh my gosh.

You still have short shorts and not see your butthole. How? My ass hole is out. Your prolapsed anus is out. Oh my gosh. You still have short shorts and not see your butthole. How? I've never seen a butthole to clarify. Are you ever? Hanging out of a big shorts. Oh, that surprises me. Can I shift gears here?

Yeah, please. Church? I made apple pancakes this morning. How was that? With your prolapsed anus? No, I just have finally like settled into this house and I am Since yesterday? Yeah, yeah. Since when we talked. Yeah, so I bought like some groceries and then this morning I had some pancake mix and I was gonna make a regular pancake and then I thought I couldn't do more than that.

And so I chopped up an apple, fried it in some butter and cinnamon, then poured the pancake batter in. What a day. And how did it come out? I was five minutes late to record. You're finishing your pancakes. Don't let us bother you. You're just flipping the pancake. Oh, it's handsome time.

I know, I just missed them. We're sitting here on the Zoom for seven extra minutes. I have no idea that May is just sitting there... Salting apples. ... eating pancakes with a prolapsed anus hanging out of your shorts. Were they good? They were really good. They needed, there was something missing.

I don't know what, but yeah, I got to take, this is the first time you've seen my house, but that won't be how the window looks permanently. I have no judgment. I secretly was like, what the, what's going on with that window? Can I tell you about the house I live in? Yeah. Very nice house. Yeah. However, Stephanie and I moved in when Max and Finn were one.

Okay, they were tiny babies. And so we didn't put anything on the walls for a long time. Thomas, I don't know if you remember this, we didn't even have furniture in our living room. We only had like play pins and stuff. And Max and Finn were like the most active into everything kids. And then together it was like, they weren't like,

I don't even wanna know kid is bad, but like they weren't, they were just so active. And so we were like, we are not decorating our house at all. OK. And then the pandemic hits. And we're like, well, we can't. Redo our house or like, you know, do any we're just going to we have to wait till it's safe again. Yeah. And then we started to think, oh, we're gonna move.

We're gonna get a different house. And then we didn't. And now Max and Finner ate. I never would have noticed, but Stephanie pointed out, we have, our house is so outdated. And I have, I don't have a good eye for that. I do now because Stephanie has pointed things out, but it's taken us so like the countertops and like certain like

yeah, molding across around the ceiling and stuff like that. So for me to look at that window behind you, which is truly almost exposed to the outside, but that is no thing to me. The size and now I'm'm gonna make it the size of that but I'm gonna put a stained glass and you get to design what kind of stained glass pattern you want so I'm open to suggestions maybe a prolapse. I have a hole in my wall. Oh you do? What's that from? My plumbing went to put in this bathroom. Oh, and they opened up the wall trying to get to it a busted pipe and it didn't it didn't go anywhere. So it's just a hole in the wall. They had to go through the tile to get to

the pipe. So I have like thousands of dollars worth of damage for one busted pipe. Oh my gosh. Are they gonna fill up the holes? Yeah, in the next week or two. May? Sorry. The butt holes? Well, I guess I'm just trying to say,

we're all going through it with our houses, all right? Well, it's a long process and probably you and Stephanie were like, oh, we'll just live in it and then we'll get to know what it needs. And then we're going to we're going to do this. And we kept kicking it down the road. But then you're living in it. You're like, well, it's all right. Well, and we have friends that my friend's partner is like a really talented

carpenter handyman kind of guy. Wait, are you talking about Jonathan Scott? Well, no, I mean, he is a very talented handyman friend that doesn't have time for our ridiculous things. Yeah, I know, I was like, if you've gotten him to go. Jonathan Scott's going around being people's handyman. Well, he is I was like, if you got him to go. Jonathan Scott's going around being people's handyman. Well, he is the nicest guy. And I certainly abused the friendship a few times.

Yeah. But no, this is a friend who lives in Texas and her partner is really talented and he's supposed to come and make our life right. Oh nice, that's good. Yeah, but who knows when that's gonna happen. So all I'm saying is I feel you on the window, Mae. Thanks.

I was very butch last night. Oh, why? Let's hear about it. You guys. It was very exciting. But you're getting so girly to talk about your butchiness. You guys, oh my gosh, gather around. Let me tell you how butchy I was. You wouldn Let me tell you how butch I was.

You wouldn't effing believe how butch I was last night. Girl, tell us. Girl, let me tell you what I did. I got home and I noticed that there's a large olive tree. It's like a olive tree, but it's not like a tall, tall tree. It's more like a big, large bush. An olive bush. Okay.

And it had gotten very unruly. So, Jax is out of town and I'm like, what else am I going to do? Besides, you know, maybe order food from Cheesecake Factory. Exactly. What else does one do? So I got our, we have like, what is this called? Sheer Axe. Toothbrush. Oh, electric trimmer.

Yes. I got it out of the garage and I trim that bush, baby. Oh my God. But it was tall and I was like, I was like, probably shouldn't have done this, but I was like doing it over my head, like you're making that noise with your mouth when you're doing it. And there was nothing in your hands? That's so satisfying. I couldn't believe how much I took off of it.

Yeah. And it's a beautiful round shape. Can you post a picture on our social media, please? Yeah, it's very boring what it looks like. But please, please. It's not like I made a swan. It doesn't matter. We, please, can you take a picture of it looks like. But please, please. It's not like I made a swan. It doesn't matter. We, please can you take a picture of it?

Sure. And we'll post it on social. We need content, remember? Now, let me ask you this. Had you ever done this before or were you like, I got some free time, the ladies away? Yeah. Truth be told, I did it once before.

I didn't know we had an electric trimmer until Jax, when they took it out to trim this other small bush that is between us and our neighbor's house. It was getting unruly. About a pineapple apart. Yeah. It was getting unruly. So she started trimming that and I was like, oh, I didn't even know we had this. And then she put it down.

So I was like, let me see how this, I was like, Oh, this is easy. And guys, I trimmed that bush. Did you feel really like you'd accomplished? Like that's you go to bed better than I think. Yeah, I felt handy as F. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Did you listen to a podcast while you did it or you just let the sound get buzzing?

No, I had, I just used, I just used my I was just one with nature while I cut it down. That's nice. Oh man, I want that. I want to be present in nature. There's some butch lesbian listening to this right now who lives in like South Dakota. You think we have a lesbian following? I don't think we have any lesbian listeners.

And she's like in the woods right now listening to our podcast while she's like got an axe in one hand and a giant leaf blower in another and laughing like, Gorgian thinks that's butch. And let me tell you, Janice, yes it is. You think that's butch? I took out my own appendix with no anesthetic. Wait, Janice is a butchy name to you? Yeah. Janice.

Janice I picture the receptionist from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, even though I don't think that's her name, but that's what I picture for Janice a little bit. Linda? Is that better? Linda? Linda? I'm thinking Linda Ronstadt. Yeah, Terry's one. Sheila? Terry. Like Terry. Yeah, Terry Terry Like the Terri name's Terry. That's a good one Maxine Harry's got a carabiner

And about to take you on a boat ride around the lake Stephanie does this character of like a husband that Yells at his wife who's named Linda, about the cat getting into his office. So he's like, Linda, the cat, get the cats in my office. Linda, come get the cat. Oh God. What if one of us had a husband?

I might have a husband. What if one of us did? Look, I still could. Yeah, what do you mean? May, do you want a husband? I thought, I knew you liked guys, but do you, would you be into an actual husband? I like guys. Loves guys.

Loves guys, but also, do you want a husband? Love all the stinky stuff we gag about. Yeah, I would have a, if I met a guy who was like, obsessed with me, then yeah, yeah, I'd love a husband. I think if I met a guy who was obsessed with me and let me have a girlfriend. No, I think I think I'm like, I maybe I, I'd be insecure, like I wouldn't believe that he was really into me if he was obsessed. Yeah, I might also want a girlfriend on the side, but I would love I would be happy with the husband. Wait a minute. So, but when you're hooking up with men now, don't you think some of them are obsessed with you, just like some women are, or do you not see yourself as obsessable? I think I'm in the moment of

hooking up and I dated a guy for like six months a few years ago and and that was great yeah yeah I don't know I think yeah it's a little scarier when men are obsessed well no I mean I don't mean like take it from fortune take your nail sorry no offense hashtag not all men but you know Hashtag not all men, but you know. Fortune's got some pretty spooky stories of dudes she could not shape. I had a nickel for every man that was obsessed with this old gal. I'd have a lot of nickels. Yeah, no, I would almost want to have a husband just to shock you guys. To kill spiders.

Yeah. Oh man. to shock you guys. To kill spiders. Sometimes a husband, the idea sounds nice, but then I'm like, that's just a roommate. Well that's because you're not in, you're not romantically inclined that way. I've had girlfriends who, every girlfriend I've had actually is probably braver than me at like spiders and stuff. Well, I don't know if you heard how much I am. I pick up spiders with my bare hands. What? Yeah.

Terry. Yeah, no, Terry picks them up, tosses them out. And my whole family calls me country mouse. Why do you do it with your hands? So do you think they wouldn't, they won't bite? Well, I can kind of tell that they're just little house spiders. And, you know, we don't have like black widows. Yeah, we're not like in the middle of Australia.

I know. Huh? Black widows are in L.A. Yeah. Oh, fuck. And they get through radial windows, too. You know, no, don't say that. Oh, my God. I'm going to see them crawling in behind me. Yeah, it's easy if also if you have like a piano backed up to the radial window.

I love playing piano. You'll hear eight keys. I went to stay in a bed and breakfast in Wales with my friend and I booked it. I was like, I found this. With Debbie? No, I went. Uh, and I was like, this place looks so adorable. And we arrived and, and then the woman took us to our room and she goes, Oh, well, you've

got company tonight. And we went, what do you mean? And then she points to the ceiling and there were spiders all over it. No. And we said, well, can you get rid of them? She went, Oh, they'll only come back. They'll only come back. So they'll be pissed and that's killed you.

And do they stay on the ceiling? Yeah, they were. I mean, we just have to fall asleep. My nightmare. It was hell. It was hell to me. A bed and breakfast. And the bathroom was carpeted and the carpet was damp in the bathroom. I stayed in a hotel.

In a motel. Yeah. and the carpet was damp in the bathroom. I stayed in a hotel. Any records of other people? Yeah. I was in a room with a rat. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. And they couldn't find it and there was no other extra room. And it was like, oh my gosh. And then also obviously, you know,

the comedian Morgan Murphy, she and I shared a room, a motel room in Austin so many years ago. I'll have to find this video of us in a room. And there was a roach in there that was the size of a horse. Oh, and we were squealing like little tiny girls and then we couldn't find it and then we saw it again and then it walked out the door Really under the door it just laughs like I'm out Yeah, and I was laughing like it knows it's in a gross motel room. It was like this place is disgusting. I it's in a gross motel room. It was like, this place is disgusting. I wish I knew about this sooner. Satin is so bad for you, but Blissie's Silk?

An incredible game change. Ditch cotton pillowcases for Blissie's Silk and you'll see less fine lines and healthier hair in weeks. They're better than cotton and better than synthetic satin, which is cheap for a reason. Blissey's got so many benefits we barely have time to barrel through them all. Blissey is great for your hair and skin. Its anti-aging properties reduce fine lines and wrinkles over time. Plus, on the hair side of things, silk eliminates frizz, preserves your hairstyle, and protects color-treated hair. Dermatologists have tested Blissey, and dermatologists now recommend Blissey especially since it's clinically proven to not clog pores, unlike cotton. I've been using mine for so long now, I can never go back to a regular old cotton pillowcase. If you haven't tried Blissey, you're missing out.

Because you're a listener, Blisissy is offering 60 nights risk-free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at blissy.com slash handsome. That's B-L-I-S-S-Y dot com slash handsome and use code handsome to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you. When it comes to food and so many other things, it's hard to know what's actually good for our kids.

That's why I love Thrive Market. It's like having a personal guide to healthier living for my entire family. Now food is one area where I feel like I got it covered. Thrive Market makes it simple to find trusted, family-friendly brands without spending hours in the grocery store. From snacks and school lunches to pantry staples, everything they offer is 100% non-GMO. I know

what my kids like to eat, so it's easy to create a filter for those foods and make shopping for them a breeze. Plus, Thrive Market's Smart Cart feature takes the guesswork out of healthy shopping. When you create an account, they ask about your family's needs and automatically build a cart full of cleaner versions of your favorite brands. I've been loving Benza's Chickpea Spaghetti Pasta, for example. Ready for a junk-free start to 2025? Head to thrivemarket.com slash handsome and get 30% off your first order, plus a free

$60 gift. That's T-H-R-I-V-E, market.com slash handsome. Thrivemarket.com slash handsome. But that's funny that you're fine picking up spiders, but then that roach spun you out. Yeah, roaches are a different thing. And plus like living in Mississippi as a kid, I got very scarred

because roaches not only are gigantic, not only do they fly, but they have necks and heads and like, what do you mean? Exactly what I'm saying. They, they are large with wings and they have necks. Cockroaches have necks is a new, I've got to write that down. So I won't forget that. Yes, write that down. I need to write that down. And with that, we should get onto our guests, shall we?

Yeah. Well, today's question askers are two soccer stars who have won multiple gold medals as members of the US women's soccer team. They're also entrepreneurs and podcasters. Their show, Recap, is all about global soccer and women's sports. And on top of that, they're an amazing, awesome, cool couple. Tobin Heath and Kristin Press are asking today's question. Hello, handsome. I'm Kristin Press. And I'm Tobin Heath. And we are not entirely sure how we got the call up to be on your amazing show because we are notoriously fun but not funny. And our show, the recap show, we laugh a lot, but it's mostly people laughing at us, not with us.

Although I feel like you've found your sense of humor on the show. Yeah. You're always so serious sometimes. Am I funny or am I serious? Oh, that's the question. Okay, so we have a question for you all. And Tobin forgot it. No, I know the question.

Are you a sports fan? For those of us, for those of you who don't know, we play sports. We play soccer. So we're wondering, are you sports fans? What teams do you support? And do you think that sports was made for you? Are the commentators, players, are they entertaining for you? Are they calling in women, non-binary people?

Are demographic? Why or why not? Thanks for the support. So I will start off by saying this is very exciting for me. I am a huge fan of our US women's national soccer team. I have the honor of getting to announce the roster for our women's national soccer team. I have the honor of getting to announce the roster, uh, for our women's world cup team. No way. We, uh, ended up winning gold, baby. Yes, we did.

Thank you. I had a lot to do with it. The one. So anyone who follows women's soccer knows that Tobin and Kristen are legends. They are two of the best to have ever played. Watching them was such a treat. They're pretty incredible and they're doing a ton for women's sports and helping to like bring it more to the forefront and covering it with their podcasts and a lot of their other endeavors. Just two people that are really very big voices

for women's sports and many many years people did not know they were a couple. People had speculations and when they finally came out in recent times it broke the internet for the women's sports fans. How long have they been together? I think like eight years. Oh, wow. But only out only publicly in the last like year, maybe.

Wow. And you know what, do you know what they did? Liberating. They went to the SP awards. They took a picture on the carpet together holding pinkies. Oh. And everyone was like, gay. Those are the gayest pinkies I've ever seen. Oh, man.

Well, even when they were asking the question, they were like, do you feel like the commentators and things are for you? I was like, oh, I never thought about that. Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard a sort of queer or non-binary or I don't hear many female commentators, but also I need to be, I've always watched the World Cup, the men's World Cup soccer and the European Cup and stuff. And sometimes I watch Premier League in England, but then I never ended up watching women's soccer

because I was always with like groups of friends in pubs and things. And then now it's finally people are playing it in pubs and I got really into the British women's soccer team. And when I watched it, I was like, this is such better TV because A, they're not faking injuries every five seconds. They're like playing incredibly well with precision and they're, but yeah, there just isn't as much, not to generalize, but yeah, there just isn't as much, not to generalize, but it felt like there wasn't as much ego and like, I mean, some

of those games for the world cup when people are just like, some were salting and then they show the replay and nobody touched them. It's insane. It feels like the women's teams don't do that as much. Yeah. Now, can I say something? Yeah. May, you know, he'll say things like, no pressure. Yeah. For like no pressure and stuff like that. Yeah.

I thought when you just said, yeah, and I watched it in pubs with people. Yeah. I thought you meant like in public. In pubs, yeah. But I liked it so much that I really would like in public. Pubs. Yeah. I liked it so much that I really would like for people to take that and run. And if we could get a new, uh, word craze going like, yeah,

let's meet up in pubs. Yeah, let's meet up in pubs. Oh yeah. Well, they were a couple, but they were never in pubs together. So I think I'm a naturally athletic person. And I was very drawn to soccer as a child. I played from the time I was five until I was 11 or 12, something like that. But then I started smoking and I just kind of went down the rock and roll like, what's up, path. But Max and Finn are like, what's up? Well, Finn really is obsessed. Max plays, but we kind of suspect it's just to be around Finn. And he's good. He's really good. But Finn is, as you know, very into stats and the history of

different teams, and he wants to go to all the different stadiums. Right. Anyway, my brother is very into sports, and so I played with him as a kid. But I was just telling Stephanie last night, because when we were falling asleep, she was mentioning this baseball player named Tatis who is on the

San Diego Padre baseball team. And I was like, oh right, Tatis is on the Padres. And Stephanie said, isn't it so funny how many sports people, like you know their names. And I said, that is so funny. Cause the last time I knew sports figures names was in the seventies. When I was growing up with my brother and I knew football players, baseball players, basketball, all of that. And I would say I catch things on TV, but I don't naturally gravitate towards it as an adult.

I did stop smoking, but I'm still cool. But I enjoy going to live games. Like we've gone to see Angel City. We go see the Dodgers, you know, all that kind of stuff. So that's, it's kind of for to be around my family. For your kids. Yeah. I would really like to go to a game with you guys.

That would be amazing. I'm saying that mainly because I have a feeling you can get tickets and that you get good seeds and maybe we can all go. I want to go because you can get tickets. I wouldn't know where to start. Thank you. That's so flattering. I guess give me a ticket while you're at it then. I'm mainly saying that because I know you can get me a ticket.

Well, we'd love to have you, Mae, to put it that way. I love sports. I played them my whole life. I started soccer when I was five years old because my brothers were playing and I wanted to do anything that they did Yeah, and I was kind of girly my mom had me in dresses and then I discovered soccer and That was it. It was like umbrose Soccer was my life. I was obsessed with it

I started playing tennis because my oldest brother played tennis. So I started that at seven Oh my god what I wouldn't pay to see seven-year-old fortune playing tennis because my oldest brother played tennis. I started that at seven. Oh my God. What I wouldn't pay to see seven year old fortune playing tennis. Oh my God. It's so cute. I know. Thinking of me playing tennis at seven is wild.

I also played T-ball. I started in T-ball. Is that like softball? What is T-ball? It's T-balls where it's a softer ball and it sits on a tee and you just try to hit it off. It's like for little, little kids. And then I was a kid of the eighties and nineties. So I had a basketball goal in my backyard and nothing to do.

So I just shot basketballs all day. And I'm assuming you had encyclopedias as well. Tons of encyclopedias. Was the nins after all. So when I got to junior high, we didn't have a women's soccer team and I had played with boys my whole life and they didn't allow girls to play

on the boys team in school, so I had to quit soccer. And began playing tennis, softball, basketball, and did that all throughout junior high and high school. Then I played college tennis all four years. And then my senior year of college, after having not played soccer since I was 12, I joined the college soccer team as well. Do you watch it regularly now?

Like you're still... I watch only women's soccer. I don't really enjoy the men's soccer kind of based on what you were saying earlier. So much faking. Though I like, you know, messy and players like Zidane, like these, these legends, I obviously followed their career, but I prefer the women's soccer world cup is like my dream. I love the Olympics, all that stuff. When the Olympics was on, I was watching everything. But I don't watch like sports on the reg. Like I don't really, I'm not really into the NBA.

I watch like- You're not like Finn. Yeah, I watch like the Super Bowl and I enjoy watching the Dodgers. This just popped into my head because you were saying Zena didn't sit in and then the 90s like that, like those were, I would watch the like, like Pitti and

Bartes and stuff like that was, and there was this guy called Michael Owen, who was like the star of the England team, uh, in the, in the world cup when I was a kid that was like most memorable to me. And he was the, he was so young. And, um, anyway, I just Googled it cause I was like, did I invent this? He said famously that he'd only watched eight movies in his life and he tweeted recently, I watched my eighth ever film on the flight home.

I must've been bored. I hate, hashtag hate films. So he's only watched eight movies and the movies he's watched are Rocky, Heat, Ghost, Jurassic Park, Cool Runnings, Sea Biscuit, Karate Kid, and Forrest Gump. Sea Biscuit. And he hates them all?

He hates them all. Well, some of his choices are questionable. I know, I know. Oh my gosh, Max and Finn watched Cool Runnings on a loop for about two years. That movie was fun. Oh my gosh, they loved it so much. That was fun. Oh my gosh. They loved it so much. The Jamaican bobsled team.

I also want to say, I'm realizing I didn't just start smoking and go down the, I'm cool road. I started not doing well in school and they started not letting me play anymore. And I don't agree with that mentality that if you make bad grades, you can't play sports. Because I think it's a pile on against destroying your self-esteem. They always do that in school.

They punish you by taking away the thing that you wanna do, the elective thing that you're passionate about. Well, yeah, and I think that if you, I think that if you're excelling in a sport, that can make you feel better about yourself, or if you're excelling in music, or. Totally. You know what I mean? I don't know, I just don't feel like sports

should be taken away from someone because they're struggling in school, because maybe you have a lot of rough stuff going on at home, you know, and that's something that's going to save your life is music or sports or some sort of camaraderie, you know, but instead I kind of, yeah, I just I was like on the outside smoking in the woods, you know. Yeah, I remember I was told I couldn't do drama the following year. I thought you were gonna say drugs. Yeah.

Well that too, but I wasn't allowed to do drama for the following year because I was so bad at math. So they just made me do more math. And it was like, how is that gonna, right? I switched schools because I was like, that's crazy. Take away the thing that yeah, keeps you engaged. I feel like sports helped me get through my childhood. Yeah.

When things were like chaotic at home or my parents were divorcing and things were just like sometimes just not good. And I didn't want to be at home. I just felt like so lucky I had practice to go to and that camaraderie is important and builds you up and teaches you how to be a teammate and cheer for other people and support other people. There's a lot of cool lessons. So yeah, to take that away from a kid would be hard.

For schools or teachers to be like, you failed, you're off the team. That black and whiteness is so, I think, it's really, really bad news because the support that the kids get in these extracurricular activities where they're maybe falling so far behind academically. The other classes or activities can be what saves them and keeps them on the right track

and feel that they're not being cut out of life and on the outside. You know, do you guys cry when you watch sports? I cry every time anyone scores a goal. And I got you and Stephanie. I really sports movies. Oh man. I cry when anyone wins or scores a goal.

I mean, I can't say that she does that. She's not as, not as unhinged, May. But no, she's very emotional about sports, but also sports movies. She's, and then like sports documentaries and things like that. Oh yeah, there's some really good ones out there. Real wrapped up.

Netflix has a lot of sports documentaries right now. Even I'm not like a big track person, but sometimes I'll watch sprint. Just to like see all the work that goes into these professional athletes' lives is pretty like impressive. I could never have that kind of dedication in that way. I mean, it takes a very special person. That's why there's only so many professional athletes, but yeah, it's too much nutrition for me.

Not to get like zeitgeist-y or like political, but when you're talking about like how valuable sports can be for young people who feel alienated or are struggling. It just, it makes me so sad that trans kids are not being allowed to play sports and that that's become such a, it's such a tiny percentage of the population and it's so not a threat. But anyway. Yeah. Anyway. It's a, it is a very, very weird time. It's a weird time. I mean, weird is putting it way too

casually, but yeah, it all reverberates in every direction, I think, in and out of sports and people's, you know, you can be like, oh, this is my belief, I'm protecting women. It's like, why is this where you're protecting women? Like, why is this like what about them alive? Yeah, why doesn't it apply to reproductive rights or anything like that? Also, I would say if I, because I totally understand people's knee jerk response to the sports thing. But I would just encourage encourage people to do some research, read some stats. And and and it's all all the information is out there to clarify what's going on there. And I think if you want to protect women, yeah, aside from these issues, it's like women are being

abused and raped and where was everyone's concern about protecting women with those issues? Why is it coming out in sports? When we elected a rapist into office. But you know, as we mentioned, we're a... Not a political podcast. Not a political podcast. If you want to get your politics, go to a political podcast.

We are not the one, but sometimes things come up. Sometimes things slip through. We'd rather be talking about prolapsed... Prolapsed anuses. You know? And if you have a prolapsed anus, it's not funny. No. Fortune just doesn't want to, it's not funny. No. Fortune just doesn't want to see it hanging out.

I don't want to see it. I think that probably is why I do enjoy, you know, the like watching these women's sports get more due because then you see more women commentators. You know, it does speak to you and your experiences more. Sports is obviously so male dominated. That I feel like women's sports is the only place that was really giving women an opportunity to be like commentators or I'm happy to see how far it's come. I mean, to have grown up where I couldn't even play on the team because girls weren't allowed to play with boys.

And then there was not even a women's team. It's like, that's crazy. Yeah. That's cause they care about women and girls. That's why they kept you separate. They're protecting you. You might fall and hurt your knee. They care about women.

That's right. And this is where it's coming out, sports. I mean, our amazing question askers, Tobin and Kristen, I would also say, do you know any single soccer players that you could introduce me to? I bet they do. There's some cute soccer players. Oh my God, yeah, not to be that.

I hope you're not into a Abbie Wambach because Abbie is taken. Oh, of course, no, I would never, I don't wanna break anybody up. Yeah. You know. That's right. I just had an image of me sitting in like my backyard and I'm drinking like a tea or something

then my wife is just like, what do you call it, dribbling? The, wait, no, okay. Yeah, home made up with those soccer players. Listen to them. what do you call it? Dribbling? The, wait no, okay. Yeah, come lay up with this soccer player. Listen to them. What do you call it when you're not- Kicking? Dribbling's a basketball, but when you're just running circles around people

with kicking the ball, little small kicks around. Yeah, it's called kicking. Kicking, yeah, sure. So my wife is- I mean, it's so sporty. Kicking the ball around me. Kristin and Tobin are gonna be so impressed with your sportsmanship. What is it called when you Kicking the ball around me. Kristin and Tobin are gonna be so impressed with your sportsmanship.

What is it called when you're kicking the ball around? No, you know what I mean, right? Yeah, it's kicking. No, but your feet are like, tick-a-dick-a-dick-able, dribble, dribble, dribble. Yeah. Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble. But mainly we just wanna make sure that the men that are out there fighting for women

right now, just, you know, also don't forget to be as outraged by the other horrendous things going on against women. Holtig. If you're gonna get outraged and really protect women, things going on against women. If you're going to get outraged and really protect women. Yeah. Do we hear Tome and Kristen's answer? Oh, yeah.

Let's hear Tome and Kristen's answer. I mean, I feel like they like sports. They do like sports. But maybe we'll be surprised. So my answer is that I love sports. And I love playing sports. I love watching sports, you know, even what people would consider the boring ones like golf. And I think some of my favorite sports were the ones we kind of got to make up in our

backyard or in our minds and go play. One that I remember was my family, they weren't, I didn't come from a soccer family, but my dad could punt the ball really, really high. And I remember I had three other siblings and he would just literally punt the ball as high up into there as possible. And we would all kind of like fight each other to the death to try to catch it. That was one of my favorite sports. And I would say that I don't think sports media made the door wide enough for us, which

is part of our passion now and the type of media we're creating because I just try to create content that little sports Tobin would want to to watch and would be proud of. Yeah I love that. I think this might be reading a touch obvious because if I had the same answers or that would be boring. I play sports I don't consider myself a sports fan which is a touch taboo in professional sports because I don't even like watching my own sport. I think that at some point in my life, I just fell behind in the knowledge category

and then I really don't like when I'm not knowledgeable about something. So then I was just like, no, this is not for me. The caveat here is that I love live sports and I love live entertainment because I don't think you have to really know what's going on to be able to see greatness unfold in front of you.

So we do go to an EPL game, generally, her favorite team, Arsenal, every year. And what matters to me is really just being in the stadium with all the people with so much passion and just having a comfortable seat. There you go. Maybe a blanket, maybe a nice warm beverage and a chic outfit and I'm good to go.

There you go. Thank you for having us on Handsome. Thank you. I love it. That's interesting that Kristen doesn't like. But the live sport, I agree. You can, like, Jax is not into sports, but she'll have a good time if we go somewhere.

Yeah, also, like going to the Dodgers games, they got vegan dogs and, you know, I'm there for the peanuts and sometimes I'll have a beer with the peanuts and Dodger dog. It's you. I know. Sporty Spice over there. Stephanie and I have that moment where she's like are you gonna get a beer and I'm like I don't know I might like I might do it Terry and sure enough I ate a bag of peanuts have a beer and a vegan Dodger dog and I'm like this was a blast that is living well maybe maybe the handsome's can go to see a game sometimes. So I'd love that. Put it on the list, Thomas. Especially if Tic can get his tickets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that I'm the go-to ticket. I was thinking more fortune. I feel like- Oh, fortune. Let's put it all on fortune. We can probably get some tickets to something. We should go to an Angel City game.

That's what I'd like more than anything. Yeah, put it on the list. Oh my gosh, we all have a beer and some peanuts. Yeah. And bring Mr. Thomas. Let, put it on the list. Oh my gosh, we all have a beer and some peanuts. Yeah. Bring Mr. Thomas. Let's do it. Great. I mean, I kind of want to say this, but I kind of don't,

but that one time sports ruined an orgy for me. But, and it was a- How? I was wondering what your hangup was. There were like four of us and it was sort of the plan. And then we went to watch the finals was. There were like four of us and it was sort of the plan. And then we went to watch the finals of the European Cup and we were in Greece at the time.

Were you in pubs? Great place for orgies. Were you in pubs? We were in pubs and we went and it was like the streets were packed with British tourists and Italian tourists and it was England versus Italy and it was just so exciting. And then England lost in the penalty shootout at the end. And then it ruined the mood. We were so devastated and especially my one friend was like almost in tears and we just couldn't,

it was just so bleak I can't explain like the energy and that no one wanted a sad orgy. Oh, I would have still but everybody else At the end of an orgy, yeah kind of yeah really Fortune's like, okay, I'll do it Anyway, that was a great episode guys And Fortune's like, okay, I'll do it. Pinkies, can I get a hug? Just looking for a hug. Oh yeah. Anyway, that was a great episode, guys. I always love that. Yeah, wow.

Podcast. And somehow ended with an orgy. Gosh. Of course. How else will we get out of this conversation? I don't wanna add any fuel to the fire, the theory that my whole personality is orgies. I've only had a handful that's a lot You know what? There's one more than me

I'm gonna share some things I have coming up if that's alright with everyone Please do the wonderful film come see me in the good light, which is the documentary about Andrea Gibson and their partner Meg Fowley. Well, first of all, it won Sundance this year. Oh my God. Not just in the documentary category, but out of even scripted films, won the festival. And it's going to be at the Boulder Film Festival the weekend of March 15th.

I also wanted to mention that we of course will be with Handsome in Nashville on April 6th. Yeah, we will. And Handsome in Austin on April 12th is sold out, but we are going to live stream that. So get your tickets now and let's have a big party. Yes. I'm going to be in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, June 14th with some of my new material. And then I'm also going to be in P-Town August 23rd and West Hampton Beach New York August 17th

and then working on new material at Largo Dynasty Typewriter when I'm back in Toronto I'll be at Comedy Bar so that's what I'm up to. What about you two? Not much, I'm at Largo end of March doing new material in LA. And also my friend Carolyn Taylor has a documentary series called I Have Nothing. Speaking of sports, it's about her quest to choreograph a Olympic level Paris figure skating routine even though she's never skated or choreographed.

And it's on Peacock now and I'm in it I'm kind of like the devil on her shoulder saying she's gonna fail but it was truly an insane experience and it the resolution like this is a real documentary series and it is the funniest weirdest show you got to watch it on Peacock. I'm in the next few weeks Irvine California and Huntsville, Alabama. The clubs out there, Ontario, California. Then my theater tour starts April 4th in Savannah, Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Albuquerque, Rockford, Illinois, Cleveland,

Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids. Tons of places. Nice. And if you like this podcast, make sure you subscribe to it and like us and comment, review. Also subscribe to our YouTube channel so you can see how handsome we are. So you can see the black widow spiders crawling through my window. Yeah. How handsome we are. So you can see the black widow spiders crawling through my window. Yeah, and you can catch little glimpses of Biggie and other important people in it.

Oh. Oh. Oh my God. Biggie. I woke him up. Oh. His eyes don't seem to care. Well.

Stop that. I guess all that remains now. Yeah. Another wonderful podcast. And until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gun podcast.

That was a hate gun podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check that you have plenty of napkins in your glove compartment before heading out on that epic road trip. You never know when you'll need a napkin. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.